Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. I hope that Christmas treated you well if you were celebrating. It was fantastic for me. I won’t get into it, though, because I doubt you’re reading this for my take on Christmas. You want talk me to talk about Smackdown, so let’s get to it.
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Taped from Orlando, Florida let’s talk some smack…

We started with some cooking segment that had Vickie hosting some Martha Stewart style cooking class. I don’t know. The midget came in and ripped up the turkey that was standing there while Teddy Long enjoyed it. Amazing.

John Morrison, Finlay, R-Truth & Matt Hardy d. Drew McIntyre, CM Punk, Luke Gallows & Dolph Ziggler (**1/4)
One of the guys on the face team did a rap on the way to the ring. It was not Finlay. Solid match that got around ten minutes with each guy getting decent time in the ring. The heels worked on Hardy for a period, Morrison got the hot tag, everybody hit finishers and Morrison scored the win. Hey, a Dolph Ziggler sighting! Remember him? I still don’t understand why he’s in the doghouse, but the fact that he took the pinfall in this match shows that he’s clearly entrenched there.

- The great Chris Jericho came out. He cut a promo about how disgusted he was that it was being billed a DX Christmas considering he’s the face of Smackdown. He questioned what the Hart Dynasty has done to earn a title shot, which caused Kidd, Smith and Natalya to come out. Chris told them he remembers them being kids when he trained in the Dungeon while Smith & Kidd spouted off some lines that they memorized because they didn’t come off naturally. That’s the difference between Jericho and most people. He sounds natural when he talks. The people that aren’t as skilled on the microphone do not. DX showed up on the screen. They tried being funny, but when it involves a Big Show “tickle me elmo” that farts when you hug it I can’t really laugh. Michaels told the Hart’s to go back up to Canada on a one way ticket to see polar bears and hockey. Again, not really funny. It ended and Jericho told THD to make an Impact, so they gave him the Hart clothesline to end the segment. I liked the Jericho/THD interaction. Man, that would be an awesome stable.

Why do they keep saying DX is controversial? They are the complete opposite of controversial now. They are corporate puppets shilling the merchandise of WWE at every opportunity. I love Shawn Michaels, he’s my favorite wrestler ever, and I like HHH just fine, but I’m really getting tired of these repetitive DX skits. And it felt really out of place on Smackdown, the wrestling show.

- Backstage, Michelle & Layla went up to my girl Mickie. They gave her a Jenny Craig gift certificate (it’s a place where women can lose weight) and taunted her about her weight. Mickie looked pissed off. This storyline isn’t going away, that’s for sure.

- Mysterio talked about miracles happening at this time of year, so tonight he’d have a miracle of his own in beating the Undertaker.

The Undertaker d. Rey Mysterio via DQ (**3/4)
I was excited for this one because I can’t remember these two ever working before. The announcers said it’s their first match, but can you really believe the announcers? Who knows. They showed some good chemistry considering their unfamiliarity with one another. Undertaker is such a good worker when he’s up against a smaller guy because he’s the master of the big man/little man spots that work. Undertaker went for the Last Ride, Rey countered with a springboard legdrop that got two. Undertaker was about to get a chokeslam, but Batista came in to attack Undertaker for the predictable DQ finish. Post match, Mysterio hit the 619 on both guys and left up the ramp smiling. I assume this is going to lead to a triple threat match at the Rumble with Batista winning the belt. I guess they could do it before the Rumble and then go with a Batista/Undertaker match there. Either way, I think this was done to insert Rey into the mix. Good match that got about ten minutes. I would love to see this again for 15-20 minutes because it could be great.

Cryme Tyme d. Bryce Andrews & Pat Buck (1/4*)
Cryme Tyme beat up and stole the presents of a heel Santa (played by FCW’s Heath Slater, as I’ve read) before going to the ring for their match. They beat a couple of local jobbers and handed out gifts to the crowd. Nothing match. Only took about a minute.

- More backstage with Vickie and Teddy. Horny showed up to throw a pie in Vickie’s face. Then he threw one in Teddy’s face for good measure. Yes, the same pie in the face gag they did for Thanksgiving. Feel the creativity.

Mickie James & Maria d. Layla & Beth Phoenix (*1/4)
Michelle was on commentary. I thought her interaction with Striker – who was sporting an awful Christmas sweater – was pretty good. It’s nice to have heel announcers again. A decent tag match. They had Maria and Layla start it off, which isn’t always a good idea. They did okay, though. The heels worked over Maria until she gave my beloved Mickie James-Canton the hot tag. She cleaned house, taking care of Beth on the apron and finishing off Layla with her spin kick. Post match, she went after Michelle only for Beth to attack her and whip her into the side of the announce table. Pretty good bump by MJC. For the record, I still don’t love the “Piggie James” storyline because calling Mickie fat is ridiculous to me. However, she’s said in interviews that she’s okay with it with the hope that it has a payoff at the end. I hope so too. If she’s cool with it then I’m cool with it. I think this is leading to a triple threat with Beth, which should be solid. The women’s wrestling on Smackdown is so much better than what we get on Raw now. It’s not even close.

Next week we’re getting McIntyre vs. Morrison for the IC title. Good. Have McIntyre retain and get Morrison in the Rumble. Hopefully he wins the Rumble although I have my doubts about that.

Degeneration X d. The Hart Dynasty (***1/2)
A 15 minute tag match main event? Yes please. It was so refreshing to see DX taking on fresh opponents. I’m a huge fan of Tyson Kidd. I think he’ll be a breakout singles star although I think it’ll be in 2011 rather than in 2010 because I can see the team sticking together throughout the year. It was a typical DX match (you thought I’d say vintage, huh?) with the heels working over HBK because he’s the master of selling while HHH waited for the hot tag. I liked how they incorporated Natalya into it as she pulled Tyson out of the ring when HBK was ready to land the top rope elbow. The dueling British Bulldog-like delayed suplexes by HHH and Smith were really good too. Hunter got the hot tag, Shawn gave Smith the superkick while on the apron and DHS stumbled into HHH for the Pedigree. The champs retain. Good match. I would love to see this match again in the future. It’s so refreshing to see HBK actually in the ring rather than being in those usually lame attempts at being funny.

To end the show, Hornswoggle posed with DX while having two words for us: “Merry Christmas.” Almost as classy as “Suck It,” isn’t it?

Three Stars of the Show
1. The Hart Dynasty – Good to see them in a prominent role. Here’s to a great 2010 for my favorite team in WWE.
2. Rey Mysterio – Continues to work his ass off despite having a knee injury that requires an operation. The guy is awesome.
3. DX – If they didn’t have those awful polar bear/hockey jokes they’d have been the first stars.

Technically I cheated by giving more than three individuals the award for stars of the show, but it’s my column. I make up the rules as I go. And I like it.

7 out of 10
Last week: 5

This show was reminiscent of a 2009 edition of Smackdown because it was another wrestling heavy show that, unlike Raw, actually features its performers in the ring. Three matches hit the ten minute mark with the main event going about 15 minutes. That’s what I want to see. Of course, there was the typical DX skit, which fell pretty flat on its face and the Vickie/Teddy/Horny stuff wasn’t as funny as Vince probably thought it was. Can’t win ‘em all. Still a very good wrestling show. I’m glad I watched it.

Anybody that bitches about WWE because they only watch Raw are missing the best show the company has week after week. The excuse that you’re not home on Fridays is week. Use a DVR. Use a VCR. Watch it on the internet. If you don’t know where, try youtube. It’s there. I’m not home on Friday nights either, but I find time to watch it. Don’t be lazy because it’s a taped show. You should be watching wrestling for quality, not for the live factor. And if you don’t want to know the results, avoid the spoilers. Smackdown’s the better brand by far. Has been all year.

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As always, check out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com for updated daily content. I didn’t post on Christmas Day. That will probably be the only day where I don’t make a post. I’m all about the daily content, so going forward I promise I’ll have something up there every day whether it’s a small commentary, a piece of news, a video, a retro column or whatever else comes to mind.

I’ll be back on Tuesday with the Raw Deal as usual. It’s Sheamus vs. Cena for the title. Not sure how it’s going to go. I like not knowing stuff. It makes it more fun as a viewer.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
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Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown ‘Christmas Night’ preview

After defeating Batista in a No. 1 Contender’s Match, Rey Mysterio earned an opportunity to face World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker on Christmas Night. Can The Ultimate Underdog go home with the best present of all – The Phenom’s title?

also…

Don’t miss a special Christmas night edition of SmackDown when newly crowned Unified Tag Team Champions DX face The Hart Dynasty in a title match.

… for spoilers visit our forums/smackdown spoilers

St. Nicholas is a consumer advocate.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. My imaginary love certainly knows my penchant for losing sunglasses, even the perfect pair from Disney World that fit my fat head. It’s a nice stocking stuffer of a gift but I do wonder how well you can see out of the Rhinestone crosses. The dark tint of the lenses helps to offset both the gold frame and the white/clear Rhinestones. They’re decent but the Rhinestones really make them douche-tastic.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. They’ll be perfect for the bad weather to wipe my shoes and my dogs paws on. I do wonder why they used a bulldog considering none of his other merchandise uses a dog. Dogs are loyal, but you’re not likely to see much hustle out of an English bulldog. If it could chew through a chain link fence, I would respect the fact that the dog will probably kill me when it’s loose. The picture does look kind of nice even after my jokes. It’s on clearance for half price so I’m glad my imaginary love is being thrifty during the slow economy. It’s not terrible, but who’s going to buy a floor mat at an event? Or even think to order one online?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me twelve Divas Snow Globes, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. I can’t believe how thoughtful she is! I’m sure glad the Divas got their own ring apron which is quite boring. The ring posts with ropes around the globe crack me up. At least they’re being detailed. There’s nothing more attractive than having some amorphous Diva blobs inside. They are having a pillow fight so there’s a legitimate reason for the “snow” on the inside. The pillow cases and bed sheets are both pink so at least they’re trying to make it a little girly.

I had to end on an epic fail. Too bad those WWE scumbags already took down the DX snuggle because that was going to be my twelfth day gift. Merry Christmas Grandkids! - Kevin

WWE TLC on Tensports:
wwe tables, ladders & chairs ppv will telecast on tensports on 23rd december, 2009 at 5pm.
Don’t miss it!
For more info CLICK HERE.

Undertaker vs Batista vs CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio WWE Bragging Rights 2009 Highlights

Here is some video footage of WWE Pro wrestlers The Undertaker, Batista, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio bouncing around in the ring, while some cool rock music plays.
Okay guys, what song is playing?

I’m strapped for time this week (combination of work plus family commitments), so I asked my friends on Facebook, the crazy group of people responsible for Commentfest, to come up with present suggestions that we want to give WWE and other wrestling performers during this holiday season. I’ve come up with ten of my own. The first ten are mine. After the line break, the comments are coming from the Facebook friends.

My 10 Christmas presents are going to…

Shawn Michaels – One more WWE or World title run because nobody deserves it more than you.

Mickie James – Anything you want, seriously. I hope you don’t leave the business as rumored because you are definitely a favorite of mine, but if you did I’d support you. Considering the lame storyline you’re involved in now I don’t think anybody would blame you for leaving. Additionally, I think you’re really hot. Don’t change who you are. Also, bonus points for not being pissed at me for calling you Mickie James-Canton. Can I suck up more? Yes, I can!

Chris Jericho – Another year in the world title picture. The tag run was fun, but you’re the best and you need to be recognized for that.

Triple H – A heel turn, please.

Michael Cole – Some direction from Vince McMahon & company that doesn’t make you sound like a complete douchebag. And if not, a legit KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~! punch from Big Show would do.

John Cena – Less written promos from the writers and more promos where you speak to the crowd in a manner that actually sounds like you. You’re a lot better than those writers make you sound.

The Raw Writing Team – The ability to book midcard matches that last longer than three minutes. Watch Smackdown to get an idea of how to do it.

Bret Hart – A successful and prosperous return to the company that you once loved so much. You deserve to go out on your terms in your own way. I hope it happens for you.

Jim Ross – Good health. Your voice is missed dearly. Please come back soon.

Guest Hosts – Take the time to at least try to learn the names of the performers. It’s not that hard, really.

Those are mine.

—————

These are coming from the friends on Facebook. I will add comments in brackets.

They’re giving Christmas presents…

To John Cena, a Hollywood leg drop to add in into your boring spots.

To Michael Cole – Some VINTAGE wine.

To Shelton Benjamin – A idiots guide to MIC SKILLS by The Rock.

To Vince – Heyman’s guide to a better product.

To HHH – a fresh set of dummy’s to throw out of his pram when he don’t get his own way with daddy-in-law…

To The Undertaker – roller skates. (Quite the visual!)

To John Canton: Mickie James Forever and ever. (Winner so far!)

To chavo, evan bourne, mvp and swagger – a contract for TNA….they may get used a lot better?

To AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Daniels, Kurt Angle and the Motor City Machine Guns a WWE Contract.

To Sheamus – Some gum to get that Triple H taste out of your mouth.

To Sheamus-A bottle of Vitamin D capsules.

To Hornswoggle – Well in his future endeavors. (Ha. Clever.)

To vinnie mac, the writers and announcers that they really, really need…A FUCKING CLUE!

To myself…..a 3 hour DVD of nothing but Shelton Benjamin matches

To John Canton – A legion of sycophantic Facebook followers. What? I can’t believe you already have that!!! (Troglodytes or Sychophants. Either one is acceptable.)

To the Raw writing team: The ability to admit they steal from Commentfest.

To Ted Jr and Randy Orton: Those Helmets that DX had with the wipers on them, so they can safely talk to Cody.

To John Cena: A long vacation so that when you come back, maybe fans will care about you.

To CM Punk – cigarettes and jack daniels.

To hornswoggle – a leprechaun-english dictionary

To Edge…..a SPEEDY recovery!

To Shelton Benjamin, Rey Mysterio and John Morrison – the Chris Jericho guide to being great on the mic and not just in the ring.

To the heel Divas: Different personalities for each of you. Except Maryse, you’re ok.

To Jay Lethal: A time machine to go back to Nash’s X-Division tournament and say no to the Macho Man gimmick.

To Kofi Kingston…..he already dropped the accent now how about dropping the Aldo Montoya colored outfits. Not LITERALLY mind you. You….you know what I mean.

To Shelton Benjamin – A personality and/or his mom back.

To Evan Bourne: stilts

To Michael Cole: a vintage chair to the head.

To the shockmaster – a time machine to redo his debut….

To John Morrison – A Wrestlemania Match against HBK.

To Jeff Hardy – A boxset of The Wire so he can figure out how to hide his stash properly.

To Chavo – Induction into the Hall of Fame for being related to Eddie and putting up with the worst booking ever.

To the Hart Dynasty – Chris Jericho as the leader of their Canadian Stable. (Yes please!)

To Stone Cold – The ability to have one more great match.

The Rock – The inclination to have it with him.

To Bret Hart: that 20-year contract Vince promised back in 1996.

To Hulk Hogan, an addiction hotline. That being to the spotlight!

To Mickie James – throw Layla & Michelle McCool into a hog pen.

To Vince – read a joke book for kids, they are funnier than his.

To Ken Anderson – Randy Orton’s head on a plate.

To Hogan – my respect because no one else seems to give him it, not realizing that if it wasnt for him, we very well may not be posting about mainstream wrestling at this moment.

To Vickie G – every cosmetic surgery procedure imaginable.

To Chris Jericho – A one-year title reign ending at WM 27 in an epic match

To the WWE in general – a TV14 rating again :’(

To Bill Goldberg: A CD recording of Kyle Brofloski’s “A Lonely Jew on Christmas.” (Maybe the best Christmas song ever.)

To Stephanie McMahon – A divorce lawyer!

To the RAW writing team – John C. (Hmmm.)

To Jericho- A classroom, so he can teach some of these younger guys how to be the best!

To All WWE Announcers: WWE Record Books, so they don’t keep telling us people are wrestling for the first time ever, when they’ve actually wrestled loads of times before!!

To Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam – A brand new Bong.

To Big Dick Johnson – a lifetime supply of NutriSystem.

To Drew McIntyre, some personality.

To Eric Escobar, erm, who was I talking about…., aaahh who cares??

To Cody Rhodes and Jack Swagger a thesaurus with out any words that have the letter S in it.

To TNA – Glade, to get rid of that old man smell in the locker room.

To that hot Goth chick in TNA – a WWE contract so she can grace my television. (Daffney?)

To Jericho – Connecting with a Lionsault and a new feud. (Ha, he almost never hits that move, eh?)

To Raw writing team – links to Commentfest or ppl’s create a story on the new videogame

To John C. – MJC (Everybody that posted something like that makes it in. I’m biased.)

To the Divas – The smart and powerful parts that you’re supposed to have.

To Abraham Washington: Tony Atlas membership to the future endeavors club.

To Ric Flair: A time machine and a lawyer who drafts a good pre-nup

To Primo- An actual match where he doesn’t get attacked on the way to the ring

To Dolph Ziggler – Kenny, Johnny, Mikey, and Mitch.

To Hulk Hogan – A weekend off, some tanning lotion, and Brooke in a bikini… Oh, wait, he’s had that too.

To Luke Gallows – the drugs back.

To Zack Ryder – the other half of his tights.

To Charlie Hass – bring back the gimmick gimmick. I miss The Great Charlie.

To Chris Jericho – Creative Control over Raw.

To all WWE Writers – A complete anthology of the History of WWE for continuity purposes.

To Primo – An on air “apology” from Carlito so we can have the Colons back. Or a trade to Smackdown so he can tag with his old partner Escobar.

To Chris Jericho: A world without Wrestlemania X8.

Vince McMahon: A spot on the Springfield Retirement Castle.

To Jeff Hardy – clean piss. (I know a guy who knows a guy that can have that arranged. Just call this number and he’ll take care of it.)

To Bret Hart – an “It’s a Wonderful Life” style run-through of the couple of years after he left the WWE and a second chance to reconsider.

To MJC – Velvet Sky’s ring attire….and entrance. (I probably wouldn’t be able to type if that happened, for the record.)

To Tony Atlas – “The Hangover” and every other comedy DVD so to make sure that he never quits laughing.

To Jeff Hardy – a ‘get out of jail free’ card, think he may need it!

To John Canton: Mickie James-Canton on more than just Twitter. (I think we have a new winner!)

To John Morrison: who wins the Royal Rumble and shows he can make that next step up but gets the torch from the man whom he is the “next” version of.

To Randy Orton: a psychiatrist for all those damn voices.

To Shane McMahon: his rightful spot in the WWE front offices.

To The Commentfest: better shows and less stupid humor so we can really come into our own.

To Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff: The Rise and Fall of WCW DVD, so maybe they’ll remember that what they about to do, they’ve done already – run a fine wrestling organization into the ground.

To Michael Cole – VINTAGE clothes, VINTAGE comic books, VINTAGE cd’s, VINTAGE, VINTAGE, VINTAGE. Sorry vintage overload.

To Tyson Kidd – A Mirror. He always seems to miss a spot when cutting his hair.

To Cody Rhodes & Jack Swagger – Speech Therapy Classes With The Ultimate Warrior.

To Hulk Hogan – Cyanide.

To the tag team division – the greatest tag team champs of all time…THE SPIRIT SQUAD!!!

To: Vince and his whole writing staff – A TV 14 rating.

To Hornswoggle: a voice. And maybe some self-respect. I mean, a leprechaun? Really??

To Orton / Legacy: The ability to stay out of each other’s personal space. Either that or a piece of mistletoe so they can just “get it over with” and not feel so funny about it.

To Sheamus – a coupon for any tanning bed for 5 yrs and some rest for his lips away from HHH azz.

To Jack Swagger – A trade to Smackdown where he can actually have a career…. See More

To the WWE universe: Divas that not only look good, but know how to wrestle.

To HHH – a coupon, buy two quad reparing surgeries, get one free!

To Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler MVP and all other underused talent: We wish you “the best in all future endeavors.” (It might happen for some of them early in 2010, so I hear.)

To WWE – A decision by Lita and Trish Stratus to return so that they can fire more Divas and get some talent in a two belt division.

And that’s that. Happy Holidays.

If you want to add some of your own below, feel free to reply and go for it.

See ya tomorrow for an abbreviated version of the Raw Deal.

I have no clue what is entailed in Kwanzaa.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling  Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. I don’t think I’ve seen a wrestling program before. TNA definitely hasn’t because they have no description for it. At least the WWE’s Encyclopedia has a description. I could listen to Don West’s 4:40 description but I don’t feel like looking at his bloated carcass. Leaving out a written description shows yet again why TNA is bush league. Take out five minutes of your time and write a description. It isn’t hard.

On the eigth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. Finally, a shirt to analyze. I have no idea why TNA produced a shirt for an announcer when they can barely get t-shirts out for their returning wrestlers. You can read my argument for not using “FTW” and bullet holes especially because of his on air lovefest with the world here. The shirt already has two strikes against it and I’m barely out of the blocks. Strike three comes with the random ass design on the front behind the text. I think it’s partially taken from one of his tattoos but considering he never shows them it’s hard to know either way. The fact that it randomly goes to the left shoulder and also un your arm pit on the right side. It shouldn’t be hard to keep the design visible. On the back, it says “Ol’ Fashion” on the top and “Beat Down” below the orange block and fist. Taz hasn’t stepped in the ring in so long and he’s fatter than ever before, there’s no reason to think Taz could give anyone a beat down. The giant fist just looks silly. I think that’s strike one & two on the next batter so this shirt went down looking. Thanks for nothing imaginary love, I hope you don’t mind me giving these to some homeless children that need them.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. The first thought when I saw this shirt was “Why doesn’t the World Elite have a shirt?”. My second thought was “Why doesn’t Doug Williams have his own shirt?” My third thought was “Doug Williams looks like a tool for modeling a company shirt since they’re always trying to keep him down.”

The front of the shirt, they center the TNA logo and the word “Wrestling” below it. The problem I have is with the spatter of blood that covers up the red “Wrestling”. The spatter works on the remainder of the shirt though. Below the text and blood spatter are wings. I’m not a fan of “Otal Nonstop Action” on the right sleeve. They should have “Total” on there and something on the left sleeve to off set it but all I can see is more blood spatter. That’s a bad combination.

On the back of the shirt, the left side is a giant wing. It is detailed fairly well and looks kind of nice since the white & grey offsets both the black of the shirt and red of the blood spatter. The wing extends down the back which helps to visually offset the gigantic TNA logo. Because the logo is so bright though, the wing would need to be all white to help it pop the same. The “Wrestling” text is covered by the wing just enough to piss me off. If you’re going to make graphics (text in this case, but even if it were just pictures) overlap, have more be hidden. If something happens once, it’s probably a mistake. If a design feature happens twice, it may be a pattern but one is never sure. If the feature happens three times, it’s definitely a pattern. At least they repeated a single letter being obscurred three times, but it looks bad. More letters should have been covered up.

Thank gawd my imaginary love has ceased getting me stuff from TNA. - Kevin

• Edge vs. Shawn Michaels – Street Fight (Raw, 1/22/07)
  

After Triple H had torn his quad (2001 was the left, this time it was the right leg) two weeks before this match at New Year’s Revolution in a tag match with Shawn Michaels against Randy Orton and Edge, Shawn Michaels was left to defend DX against the World Tag Team Champions Rated RKO. Both men came to the fight in t-shirt jeans – old school-style. Immediately, I’m interested. Edge stops an early attack from Shawn with a trash can lid to the face when he tries a pescado to reopen an old wound. After the commercial break, Edge SUPERPLEXES a ladder onto Shawn! Take that, Jerry Sags. Edge sets up a ladder scaffold on the ring steps, but Shawn counters the powerbomb and uses the chain against Edge to open him up. Edge stops a Flying Elbow on the ladder scaffold, but Shawn BULLDOGS him on the ladder instead. Shawn gets the Flying Elbow after all, but Edge counters SCM with a botched electric chair drop. DANGEROUSSSSSS. Even so, Shawn avoids the SPEAR and goes for a Conchairto when Randy Orton shows up behind him and turns him around for an RKO. Boy, that’s an awesome visual. Plus seeing both men busted open with Orton coming in with his face all bruised – it’s just rugged. That gives Edge the win. Such a great street fight with lots of risks. Outside of the ladder match, it’s pretty much Edge’s specialty.

• WWE Champion John Cena vs. Umaga – Last Man Standing Match (Royal Rumble 2007)
  

If you STILL weren’t convinced that Cena’s a tough dude, this match will. And if you still don’t think he’s somebody to notice, well then you’re just fooling yourself. Umaga works the ribs most of the match and leaves Cena hurting, but he refuses to quit. Cena makes his comeback with his signature moves and one-ups the impact by landing them all on the ring steps. Throwback, Protobomb, Five Knuckle Shuffle – everything. Just when he thinks he’s got Umaga defeated, Cena’s head gets caught between Umaga and the ring steps! INSANITY. Let’s not discount Umaga for being awesome. With Cena laid out on the ECW announce table, Umaga runs over the Raw and Smackdown tables to splash Cena, but Cena moves and inevitably Umaga wipes out the ECW announce table. Back inside, the entire top rope is pulled apart thanks to Armando Alejandro Estrada. Cena winds up benefiting as he chokes out Umaga and locks in the STFU for the win. One of the first times the STFU was taken seriously in my book.

• The Rumble Match - (Royal Rumble 2007)
  

An above average Rumble match that in my view was NEVER boring. The big men (Kane, Great Khali) dominated and of course there’s Viscera who didn’t really do anything except require a bunch of people to eliminate him. All of this came down to HBK and Undertaker after Shawn managed to eliminate a disorganized Rated RKO all by himself. Despite being involved in several Royal Rumble matches, Undertaker had never came out the winner. This was his first opportunity at closing out a Rumble match since he battled Brock Lesnar in 2003. HBK and Taker went through their typically great back and forth counters before the Undertaker ducked a superkick and flipped Shawn out of the ring. Just an amazing final ten minutes of wrestling between these two that set the pace for their WrestleMania 25 match. With the crowd that hooked, they were definitely doing something right.

• Mr. Kennedy vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. King Booker vs. CM Punk vs. Finlay vs. Randy Orton – ‘Money in the Bank’ Match (WrestleMania 23)
  

Finlay starts the match off with a bang as everybody fights to the floor except him. He dives off the top onto all seven men. Booker pulls out a Hornswoggle ladder from underneath the ring. TELL ME HE DIDN’T JUST SEE THAT. Edge sets up the ladder scaffold, which will eventually lead him closer to his demise. Meanwhile, the Hardyz break up a SPINAROONIE by jumping King Booker with ladders. Eventually, Edge starts spearing everybody – except CM Punk. He goes all Terry Funk with the ladder, but takes a SPEAR anyway that knocks down Orton and Finlay. Orton dumps Edge off a 20-foot ladder to the floor. Jeff wipes out Randy with a front suplex while Matt sets Edge up on the ladder scaffold. Oh man, here comes Jeff as he flies off the 20 foot ladder and LEGDROPS EDGE THROUGH THE LADDER! I bet he immediately regrets that decision. Well, now we’re down to six people. Both men end up doing stretcher jobs. Two ladders are set up to do moves off of for a little bit. Booker about reaches the briefcase when Matt threatens to drop Sharmell with the Twist of Fate. WHOA. So Booker comes down and takes the Twist of Fate. HA! Finlay comes over and gives Matt the CELTIC CROSS ON A LADDER! That’s pretty nasty. Hornswoggle comes out to climb the ladder for his daddy when Kennedy stops him and delivers a GREEN BAY PLUNGE TO THE MAT BELOWWWWW! Pretty awesome. It comes down to Punk vs. Kennedy on the ladder. Punk kicks him off, but Kennedy jabs him in the face with a ladder and makes the easy climb up to the briefcase for the win. I was really hoping Kennedy would clear the ring and treat the briefcase like they do for his entrance by lowering it down to him as though it were the mic, but that didn’t actually happen. As history tells the story, the injury prone Mr. Kennedy (…KENNEDY) would prevent himself from actually cashing in the briefcase when he tore his right tricep muscle in May.

• World Heavyweight Champion Batista vs. The Undertaker – (WrestleMania 23)
  

I was expecting the worst from these two because I’ve always thought that Taker was only as good as his opponent, and the way Batista had been performing since his return in the summer of 2006, I wasn’t really looking forward to this one. They definitely surprised me though. Batista did his best work since ohh, when he beat hHh at Vengeance 2005, and Taker had his best match since his stuff with Angle back in early ‘06. Great stuff and I really hope they don’t ever end Taker’s win streak and that no one actually surpasses it when he finally does retire. Just allow the legend to remain a legend, and ruining it to put over someone would’ve just been the absolute wrong move.

• John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels – (Raw, 4/23/07)
  

Some people HATED the execution of the psychology in the Cena/HBK WrestleMania main event. Shawn Michaels and I were two of those people. Cena hardly even sold the leg during the match like he should have and this match was Cena’s chance to make up for the ‘mistake’. Perhaps the only even minor mistake was that it was a non-title match — it was the first time we had a match on free TV go near an hour’s length that wasn’t a 60 minute ironman match in close to twenty years. Just an unbelievable match with both men trying to outdo the other with great WRESTLING and the easiest pick for the WWE match of the year.

• WWE Champion John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton – Fatal Four Way Match (Backlash 2007)

Fresh off Cena’s loss to Shawn Michaels in the UK, now he has to defend the WWE title in a fatal four way. This was one of the most exciting uses of the fatal four way concept that I have ever seen executed in WWE. You have the Rated RKO team working together, but you know they will have to explode on each other at some point. Edge was the one to do the dirty deed with the chair on Orton. Back in the ring, you have failed finishers after failed finishers that kept you on the edge of your seat all the way to the end. When you did see somebody hit their finish like for example with Cena being consumed with hitting Edge with the FU, Orton comes out of nowhere and drops HBK with the RKO almost getting the win. What ended up happening for the finish was Cena shoving Orton off into the Spear from his partner Edge, but then turning around and eating Sweet Chin Music from HBK and falling on top of Orton for the win. This way, 1) nobody looks weak by taking the fall, 2) it has the appearance of realism, and 3) it gives the fatal four way concept that a huge shot of the ‘anything can happen’ aspect. I had decided to stop watching WWE religiously after 2006, but I came back for WrestleMania and heard great things about Backlash that had me thinking the summer of 2007 wasn’t going to be so bad. For the most part, the trend ended here and we were back to the abysmal normal with Judgment Day, but Backlash 2007 was overall a great PPV.

• World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Chris Benoit – (Smackdown, 6/8/07)
  

After his progressively intriguing series of matches over the US title with MVP, Benoit had this little gem which I consider the final great televised match three weeks before the biggest tragedy ever to happen to wrestling. Just your typical intense Benoit encounter. He owns Edge for the majority of the match – hitting the Three Amigos (which watching it now makes me feel somewhat sad for Chris knowing he’s missing his friend) followed by the Hat Trick of Germans to lead into the Swandive Headbutt for a nearfall. With Edge in a main event program against Batista, they didn’t want to make Benoit appear too strong however. Benoit applied the Crippler Crossface, but missed a corner charge and ate a Spear before getting his shoulders pinned for the 1-2-3. Okay, so I never said I wasn’t a bit bias creating this list.

• WWE Champion Triple H vs. Randy Orton – Last Man Standing Match (No Mercy 2007)
  

So on a night where Randy Orton was awarded the WWE title after John Cena tore his chest muscle off the bone prior to the show, Triple H insults Vince McMahon into giving him a WWE title shot against Orton where he wins the the belt in an absolutely RIDICULOUS turn of events. Then, Triple H successfully defends the WWE title over Umaga and at Vince’s order has to make even more history by facing Randy Orton AGAIN for the WWE title in a Last Man Standing match – ALL ON THE SAME SHOW! While the booking would have anybody confused, it turned out okay because they used the beatings Umaga dished out on Triple H earlier in the evening into the context of the match. If you’re not a Triple H fan, I hope you didn’t buy this PPV. Not counting the backstage segments he was involved in, he wrestled over 35 minutes in three different matches at No Mercy 2007. Anyways, a back suplex on the guardrail from Orton to HHH doesn’t get the job done. He moves on to CHOKING Triple H with a cable. He still can’t keep HHH down for the ten count. He tries an RKO on the announce table, but HHH shoves him off onto the opposite table. That was pretty sweet. Triple H follows up with a AA spinebuster and tosses the stairs into Orton’s face. Orton gets up and blocks a chairshot with a kick to HHH’s injured ribs. DDT on the chair won’t keep HHH down. RKO ON THE CHAIR? A busted open Triple H still gets up and tells Orton to suck it. This was when Orton’s deadly kick to the head was fresh. He had already took out legends Shawn Michaels and Dusty Rhodes, but HHH refused to suffer the same fate. Orton temporarily stops HHH with a catapult into the ringpost, but Triple H stops Orton while he’s got the ring steps up in the air and slams a chair down on the back of Orton’s head while he’s stuck down in the grooves of the steps. You just have to see it to know what I’m talking about. It at least looks like a gruesome spot although there’s got to be some Houdini-ness to it. Triple H tries the Pedigree on the table that’s still standing, but Orton leaps up out of nowhere and hits the RKO ON THE TABLE! Triple H just can’t make it back to his feet in time after that to give Orton back the WWE title. Match reminded me of the best stuff we saw from Triple H against Chris Jericho in 2000, but in the opposite role.

• WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels – (Survivor Series 2007)
  

Randy Orton punted Shawn Michaels out of action back in May (of course HBK always seems to want the summer off) and now he’s BACK for revenge. Except in this match, Shawn can’t use Sweet Chin Music or he’ll be disqualified. If Orton gets disqualified, he loses the WWE title. This made for an AWESOME example of ring psychology because Shawn had to rely on other high impact moves to defeat Orton. On the other hand, Orton didn’t know what to watch out for because with HBK, you’re always trained to just look for the superkick. Some people take offence to the fact that Shawn used the Crippler Crossface in this match only five months after the Benoit tragedy. I choose to take the perspective that this was a tribute for a man who one day snapped over his pent up personal issues and not dwell on whether or not HBK was trying to be tongue-in-cheek or anything like that. As Shawn catches himself trying Sweet Chin Music, Orton seizes the moment and drills HBK with the RKO for the win. If you love excellent ring psychology, don’t overlook this seemingly forgotten Survivor Series classic.

Oh man, only TWO more years to go! Come back next week for the year that was 2008!

The Week in Review for December 14 – 18, 2009

After a very good PPV, WWE reward us with one of the worst episodes of Monday Night RAW I’ve ever watched. At least after that everything else was a great improvement, including one of the best TV matches I’ve ever seen. So let’s get to the top and bottom of the week.

Top 5 Matches of the Week

1. Christopher Daniels v. Desmond Wolfe from Impact 4.75/5
2. Rey Mysterio v. Batista from Smackdown 4/5
3. Hart Dynasty v. Jimmy Wang Yang & Slam Master J from Smackdown 4/5
4. MVP v. Jack Swagger from Superstars 4/5
5. Roxxi v. ODB from Impact 4/5

Worst Matches of the Week

1. John Cena v. CM Punk from RAW DUD
2. Randy Orton v. Undertaker from RAW DUD
3. Jerishow v. D-X from RAW DUD
4. Team Mickie v. Team Michelle DUD

Overall I think Impact was a very solid show, and my pick for best show of the week. With one of the best TV match ever, a great Knockout match, and a very solid rest of the show, great buildup for this weekend’s PPV. The worst of the week is obviously RAW, enough has been said about the poorest RAW ever, so I’ll stop there.

Overall Ranking

Monday Night RAW averaged a 1.5 for eight matches in three hours. This was less matches then on a two hour show. There was too much crap, and four matches were duds. This RAW was an embarrassment to wrestling and TV in general. I have no idea who the guest host is next week, some baseball player, but I don’t care. Let’s just have a few good matches, please.

ECW averaged a 2.5 for four matches in an hour. There was just too much this week, the opposite of RAW. If we had one less match and remove the AW show, make the three matches longer, would’ve been a better show.

Superstars averaged a 3.5/5 for three matches in an hour. A very solid episode of Superstars, with a great main event and a new tag team I hope stays together. Not a bad show, but the Archer/Dreamer match was not as good as their previous match.

Impact averaged a 3.5/5 for six matches in two hours. Almost all the matches were really good, but the main event kind of killed the show. The Desmond/Daniels match blew away anything else in the last little while and was amazing. The only complaint about TNA I have is too much in two hours, they need to cut back on the number of segments, as it’s too fast moving and just feels rushed. Less backstage stuff and longer matches would work wonders for TNA.

Smackdown averaged a 3/5 for six matches in two hours. A great episode of Smackdown, but could’ve been better without the Escobar/Kane match. The main event impressed me as I was not expecting anything, as I said, and it was solid. It was a very impressive show.

Overall this was a rising week for TV as we went from a horrible show, to an ok show, to three very good shows. Let’s hope Christmas week is good for us wrestling fans, and I hope Hart Dynasty win the tag titles on Smackdown, which airs on my birthday!!!

Here’s the Daniels/Wolfe match I’ve been raving about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNm1s-qUQwQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElIyvR_Kbyw

It’s in two parts, due to the length. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I don’t have a whole lot of time this week due to being busy with Christmas stuff, so rather than recap it in detailed segments as I normally do I’ll be a lot more brief in my comments.

———–

Live from Laredo, Texas let’s talk some smack…

Teddy Long started the show, was interrupted by Batista asking for a shot at Undertaker. Mysterio came out, challenged Batista to a match and Long booked a number one contender’s match with Batista vs. Mysterio. It was fine. Like I say every week, I enjoy Batista so much more as a heel.

CM Punk, Luke Gallows & Drew McIntyre beat John Morrison, R-Truth & Matt Hardy (**1/2). Of course they won, Matt Hardy was in the match. Give that man a feud already! Geez. Punk won with a Slammy shot to the surgically repaired abdomen of Hardy. By the way, why do the announcers insist on coming up with so many nicknames for Punk? I’m fine with “Smackdown’s Surgeon General” myself. They don’t need all the other ones. John Morrison’s t-shirt? Not a thing of beauty. I’m sure the chicks like it.

My girl Mickie James-Canton and Maria were playing video games (all the nerds watching creamed themselves at that sight) when Beth showed up. She told Maria they have a match later. Only one minute of Mickie? Not enough.

Why do they have to replay the entire bad DX/Horny skit from Raw? Not as funny as they thought it was.

Kane beat Eric Escobar in a squash. The crowd was dead for Escobar. Vickie talked some shit to him, she got heat, but the crowd doesn’t care for him. I don’t think he’s got the charisma to pull this off.

The Great Khali beat Jericho in a Raw-like three minutes via countout. It was the battle of the Johnny Award winning best wrestler (Jericho) vs. the worst wrestler (Khali). Jericho cut his usual awesome promo before the match talking about how he’s no longer allowed on Raw and that his “best friend” Big Show isn’t on SD with him. Good whining. I’m interested to see what they do with Chris in the new year. Khali was about to hit him with his finish, so Jericho bailed to the floor and got counted out.

The Hart Dynasty beat Jimmy Wang Yang & Slam Master J in about three minutes. I don’t know if this was officially a #1 contenders match, but it felt like that. What a tag division. At least they were smart enough to put THD over strong. They cut a post match promo hinting at the screwjob by saying this is their revenge a decade later. They said they were better than their family in the past and they will prove it by beating DX for the tag belts next week. Nice to see them cut a promo for once.

They had a quick seg with Beth talking to Michelle & Layla. The heels went on and on about Mickie being chubby (still not a fan of it, but if MJC is cool with it then I am too) while Beth commented that she didn’t approve the comment because she’s a bigger woman too. This is leading to Beth turning face.

Beth Phoenix beat Maria in about two minutes. Maria tried some offense, but it never seemed to work. She took some good bumps, though. The one on the butt looked painful. I love how the announcers tried to say how Maria was so deserving of Diva of the Year. She’s deserving when she missed months of screen time, she barely wrestles and other women won multiple titles? Um, yeah. I like her just fine and it was the fan vote (I have my doubts about the results considering she’s on the Apprentice in 2010), but this was a bit of a reach.

They did a Raw Rebound. I wonder if Vince thinks it was a great show. It was brutal. One of the worst Raw’s of the year.

Rey Mysterio beat Batista clean in 16 minutes to become number one contender to the World Title (***1/2). Really good match. One of my favorite things about Batista’s heel turn? For his entrance there’s no pyro. It’s just a spotlight on him with the crowd blacked out. Awesome. It was a classic heel bully vs. underdog face type of match with Batista dominating the action and always thinking that he would get the win. He didn’t. Batista hit a spear, Rey surprisingly kicked out and Batista was pissed. He went to finish Rey off, but Rey countered with a rollup for the win. Then he hauled ass out of there to celebrate. Batista looked very angry, selling his disgust at losing. Very enjoyable match. The best one of the three they’ve done. Rey’s second only to Shawn Michaels in making bigger opponents look good while Batista’s offense is better as a heel.

Next week’s Christmas SD has DX vs. THD for the tag titles and Undertaker vs. Mysterio for the World title. Odds of Mysterio leaving next week’s Smackdown as World Champion? I’ll go with 0.1%.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Rey Mysterio – Continues to work at a high level with a bad knee.
2. Batista – Heel turn is working. Love the entrance.
3. The Hart Dynasty – Finally something of a push! About time!

5 out of 10
Last week: 5

Another five this week. I thought the Mysterio/Batista match was pretty good. They got time, they told a good story and Batista had good facial expressions in selling his defeat. The Hart Dynasty win as well as post match promo was nice to see. Nothing else really stood out as memorable. Next week’s Christmas show should be fun with Undertaker vs. Mysterio and DX vs. The Hart Dynasty. Hopefully they each get 12-15 minutes of time. It’s Smackdown, though, so of course they will.

————

Plug time. First up, from a reader of mine named Andrew Johnson that asked me to plug his blog and I agreed because I thought it was pretty good. Here are his words: “The JohnsoNation is a comedy blog that is updated weekly. It is the home to the ramblings of a lunatic freelance writer who hopes to one day be funny. When not contributing to his blog he writes movie reviews at The Charleston Examiner and other online publications.” Enjoy.

I’ve made a couple of posts on my blog during the week. I’ve got more thoughts on Bret Hart’s WWE return here plus a recap of the infamous Survivor Series 1997 here with a lot of extended thoughts on what happened. It’s a re-post from July, so some of you might have read it already. Also, I’ve started up a Q&A on my blog with random wrestling questions covering current stuff as well as historical stuff. The first part is up here. Of course, there was also the Raw Deal and the Commentfest from Raw that is also available to be read there. I doubt I’ll post much on the blog during the week although I do believe in updating it daily with at some content at least.

I’ll see you on Tuesday for the Raw Deal. It’s going to be very short because I have family stuff going on (as I’m sure most of you do) and I don’t have an hour or two to spend writing about it. I will watch Raw on DVR and find the time to write about it a bit. My plan is to write as much as I can in about 10 minutes and post that. That’s all the time I’m giving myself. I’ve got four awesome readers to help me out with the Commentfest, so while I won’t be “hosting” that it will be in the column. They might not be as funny as me, but they will try! I thought I was going to miss next week’s Talking Smack on Christmas, but it looks like it’ll be a good show and my visiting family will be gone by Sunday. I’ll write about the Christmas Smackdown next Sunday. Plus, I want to keep my streak going of not missing a show. I’m committed (in a good way) like that.

To those on the east coast dealing with the crazy amounts of snow, be safe. It’s weird how you guys got so much, yet we haven’t really had any snowfall here in southern Ontario yet. Not that I’m complaining. Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: <a href=johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
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Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

Since Justin and Scott have only reached 2003 in their reviews and any extra work added on them to watch the next forty matches would be difficult and just too much at this time of year (especially when they have their own awesome sports/wrestling/TV forum), I’ll be doing solo shots of the final three years of this ten part column. I want to thank Justin and Scott for ALL their hard work and dedication when they were just merely doing me a favor. Let me assure you, those two guys are good people.

Alright, enough of the man love. As I mentioned in the 2005 column, this is my 500th post here at the blog. The interesting part about that is this post is actually a repost of a column I did after covering all the 2006 PPVs for TheHistoryofWWE.com. Anyways, it’s really hard to believe I’ve spent this much time on a blog, but here we are two and a half years later. I hope you all enjoy this!

Let’s get to the year that was 2006.

The Best of 2006: The Matches

This is WWE only, so you won’t see any TNA or ROH here. Except for a few matches, the workrate in WWE had tended to decline throughout 2006, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that this was just another year of mediocre wrestling. We’ve got some good ones on here! For me to consider a match to be a MOTYC, it has to be overwhelmed with three things: 1) workrate 2) great booking, and 3) a huge level of suspense. I got to believe what’s going on in that ring is for real! While most other publications or internet columnists like to cut the ballot date off at the end of November, I go from 1/1 to 12/31. Another rule that only makes sense is that I have to have seen the match. I’ve seen every PPV and SNME this year and a whole lot of weekly stuff. I haven’t seen every episode of all three brands in 2006, but when I hear people talking (or see, if it’s on the net), then I’ll find it somewhere and watch it. Enough chit-chat though, let’s start up the countdown!

Wait, first off, we have some awesome “honorable mentions”.

- WWE Champion John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge – Triple Threat Match (Backlash 04.30.06) ***¾

- World Champion Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels – non-title match (Raw 01.16.06) ***¾

- Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton – (ECW: One Night Stand II 06.11.06) ***¾

- Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly – (ECW on Sci-Fi 09.26.06) ***¾

- Edge, Randy Orton & Lita vs. John Cena, Carlito & Trish Stratus – (Raw 09.04.06) ***¾

Now to the countdown! Anything you see from here on will be **** or better.

10. After what seemed like forever since we had actually been surprised on PPV, they spring this baby on us. Every one involved worked their butts off regardless of the brand-extension gaps. You had no idea who was going to win this up until the very end and it left you hoping for more from all four teams involved. I can’t say that it saved the whole show, but it sure made for a great match. It also reminds us why we should definitely leave the wrestling to the pros. Isn’t that right, Joey? Here it is, the #10 WWE match of 2006.

- WWE Tag Team Champions Paul London & Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor vs. MNM vs. The Hardys – Four-Way Ladder Match (Armageddon – 12.17.06)

JBL puts the Hardys over as ladder match veterans. The faces dump the heels to start so that they can trade blows and keep the match between themselves. Kendrick takes a hiptoss from Matt while Jeff takes a rana from London. Jeff fights back with a sitout jawbreaker and goes over and attacks Kendrick to set up the double-wheelbarrow bomb. MNM takes the Hardys out to the floor to brawl while Regal and Taylor do the same in the ring with the Hooligans. Ouch! Half-nelson throw from Regal to London, then to Kendrick! Meanwhile, the Hardys don’t want MNM bringing the ladders to the ring, so they attack and do it themselves! Regal and Taylor have tossed out the champs and want to keep the Hardys from putting the ladders in the ring. They try and stop MNM from bringing them in as well, but that allows Matt to sneak in and nail them with a ladder. Now everyone is back in the ring. Taylor receives Poetry in Motion from the Hardys, which sets up a SNAPSHOT from MNM! Regal takes a double-superkick to the face from the Hooligans. Regal and Taylor get dumped, as does MNM. Kendrick gets whipped into a ladder by the Hardys, and he has no choice but to take a breather. London catches Matt with an enziguri, but Jeff nails him with a front dropkick to the face. Jeff sets up a ladder to go for the belts, but London surprises Matt with an inverted atomic drop and dropkicks Jeff off the ladder! Now London tries to head up the ladder. Kendrick intercepts Jeff’s attempt at bringing London down, and then London jumps off the ladder as he sees Nitro coming up behind him with a springboard attempt from the apron into him with something. The ladder falls over and that could’ve REALLY gone wrong had Nitro landed on one of the legs. The man is LUCKY! Mercury takes the ladder and starts jabbing everyone he sees and sets up the ladder again. Mercury starts climbing, but the faces swarm and bring the ladder to the edge of the ring. They tilt it over and send Mercury off the ladder out on top of Nitro outside the ring! Matt hits a pescado on Taylor and sends Regal face-first into the ringpost. Kendrick tries to climb up, but Matt stops him and brings him down face-first to the mat. Man, Matt Hardy is EVERYWHERE! Matt sets up the ladder in a corner and the Hardys double-whip Kendrick into it. London receives the same, except they try for Poetry in Motion. London avoids it and Jeff hits his face on the TOP of the ladder! OUCH! Cole ~ “It truly looks like Armageddon out here!” Really, Michael? The Hooligans beat down Matt for a bit. London tries to head up the ladder again, but he gets pulled down and clotheslined by Matt. Kendrick tries to shoot up the ladder and grab the belts, but Matt is there to yank him down by his tights. Matt sets up the ladder and makes a ramp out of it using the second rope. He wants to suplex London on it, but London blocks and hammers Matt down on the ladder. London lifts up the end of the ladder to put Matt at a 180-degree angle so that Kendrick can come off the top and deliver the DOUBLE-STOMP to Matt Hardy! Since the Hardys are incapacitated, MNM come back in to destroy the Hooligans. They give London a double-gutbuster and then set up the ladders to create a see-saw effect. Matt gets beat up some more and then is set up on the turnbuckle for a double-superplex on the ladders, but Jeff comes back in for the save. Matt and MNM are back on the mat while Jeff is up top! Matt gives MNM a DOUBLE-NOGGIN KNOCKER while Jeff leaps down on the ladder so that it comes up and hits MNM in the face! Mercury gets the worse of it as he rolls out to the floor with his face GUSHING OUT BLOOD! Yeah, his face is shattered. That was really sick, folks. Poor Joey. He goes away for six months and then he comes back and a few weeks later, his face gets broken. I blame Teddy. Matt and Kendrick fight on the ladder until Regal and Taylor hop in to save. Taylor slams Kendrick on and off a ladder set up in the corner and then Regal gives London a half-nelson suplex on that same ladder. Regal starts to climb the ladder to retrieve the belts, but then he finds out he’s afraid of heights! He comes down and tells Taylor to climb. He does, but Kendrick stops him half-way up. Regal gets pissed and throws Kendrick out to the floor. By the way, Mercury has been taken to the hospital. The Hardys return to the ring to stop the Englishmen. While Jeff is getting another ladder set up out on the floor, Matt is giving Regal and Taylor both TWIST OF FATES! Jeff climbs up the ladder for a possible SWANTON BOMB on Regal and Taylor, but then Nitro runs in out of nowhere and dropkicks the ladder through the ropes to send Jeff crashing throat-first on the top rope! Oh that was NOT smart, Jeff. Nitro nails Regal and Taylor with a ladder and then delivers the Shawn Michaels Special by climbing the turnbuckle and smashing the ladder into Regal. Nitro tries for the belts. Kendrick attempts to stop him while London climbs up on the apron to deliver a springboard dropkick to take him off the ladder. Crowd applauds the Hooligans, and it’s about time too. Matt meets Kendrick up on the ladder and hiptosses him down to the mat. London pounds on Matt and tries to grab the belts, but then Matt backdrops London to the mat as the ladder falls over. Jeff tries to retrieve the belts, but its set up too far from the belts so you know a spot is coming. Nitro starts the climb and gets nailed with a SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB off the ladder from Jeff. Jeff looked like he could’ve blown out his knee on that one. Matt stupidly sets up two ladders beside each other and starts to climb with one foot on each ladder. Regal and Taylor pull the ladder out from under him like anybody with any common sense would. Matt gets right back up, but gets double-teamed and booted in the face by Regal. Regal and Taylor give the ladder climb another try and set up two ladders beside each other, but Kendrick is there to meet Regal up top. Taylor pulls Kendrick down and clotheslines him, but then gets dumped to the floor by London. Regal is still up on the ladder! Kendrick gets back to his feet and climbs the other ladder and tries for SLICED BREAD #2 to Regal off the ladder, but they’re too close to the ropes for the move so they another spot is ruined. London gets back in the ring and climbs the ladder. Matt meets him there, but gets knocked off the ladder. With Nitro and Taylor both clawing at his heels, London is still able to grab the belts and win the match. (20:13) Regardless of some contrived and blown spots, it was a great match that just might solidify the tag champs run as more than just killing time. I still hope Regal and Taylor get a good long title match soon because that would still be a great match. But wow, poor Joey. ****

9. What’s most saddening about this match is its most memorable moment; Vince McMahon’s bloody face being shoved up Big Show’s butt. No, I’m not British. Why do you ask? Terrible image aside, this match had awesome drama and Big Show really added a lot to the whole affair. Of course, DX came out the winners at the end and we can say goodbye the DX/McMahons feud for the time being at least. It’s a match that was able to mix brutality and fun together at the same time, which is really hard to pull off.

- Shane McMahon, Big Show & Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels & Triple H – Hell In A Cell (Unforgiven – 09.17.06)

JR does a great job of putting over how CRAZY this “Satan’s Playground” is noting that dozens of bones have been broken and thousands of stitches have been given out. H and Michaels dish out stereo kicks to the Big Show’s big show to put him down for a moment so they can beat down the McMahons. The Canadians start chanting “You screwed Bret” within the first twenty seconds. DX dump the McMahons and go back after Big Show who is back up to his feet. They give him another running field goal kick to the balls to once again keep him down. Next up, the McMahons eat the steel and get busted open as a result. Where is Big Show? Oh, he’s STILL down in the ring. Triple H pulls out a screwdriver and begins to twist it into Vince’s forehead! Triple H brings Vince back in the ring and Shawn goes up top for the elbow drop, but Show comes alive and catches Shawn coming off the top and slams him. Boy that was dumb. Triple H tries a whip, but Show stands his ground and flips H out of the ring: Harley Race-style. Show goes out for Triple H, but then gets double-teamed by DX and tossed into the steps to keep him incapacitated. Back in the ring, Shawn pairs up with Shane and Triple H pairs up with Vince with DX in control. Show comes back in again to end DX’s momentum. He levels H with headbutts while Shawn gets sent out via clothesline by Shane. The McMahons get a few licks in on H while cheering Show on at the same time. Show delivers the CHOKESLAM to H and then goes out to punish Shawn. He picks him up and gives Shawn a release powerbomb face-first into the cage and blades. Meanwhile, the McMahons are toying around with the Game. Show ~ “Hey, watch this!” He proceeds to toss Shawn into the cage like a lawn dart. Shane stomps H down in the corner to set up for the trashcan assisted COAST-TO-COAST! ALRIGHT! He connects! What’s great about that spot is that H’s ear was supposedly injured Monday night. They remembered to capitalize on the injury to make the spot more than just a spot. I like it when they do that. I got to mention that he’s bleeding from the ear. Shawn gets tossed back in the ring for some triple-teaming. Shane takes H out to the floor and sets up the steel steps and then catapults H into the cage wall to bust open his forehead. In the ring, Show delivers the pump splash out of the corner onto Shawn. Just as promised earlier, Vince goes for the cover for 1, 2, NO! He picks Shawn up off the mat. He hands Shawn to Show for the COBRA-CLUTCH BACKBREAKER! He continues the hold on the mat for a bit and then lifts him up for the inverted leg drop bulldog. Vince covers again, but picks Shawn up again at two. Triple H comes back with his body COVERED in blood and tosses Show. He hits the facebuster on Vince and tries for the PEDIGREE, but Shane pulls him off his dad and lifts him into a torture rack. Huh? He twists H around into what appeared to be a spinning rack neckbreaker or an inverted TKO, but JR calls it a counter into a neckbreaker. I’m not sure what happened there, but both men are down. Shawn gets back up and sends Shane out with an enziguri. Vince clotheslines Shawn down to stop his momentum as the Big Show walks over to take care of Shawn. Vince pulls down his pants to reintroduce Shawn to the “Kiss My WHAT?” club, but Triple H is there to prevent that from happening. Show nails him and sets Shawn up for a splash off the ropes, but Shawn pulls Vince in the way and he gets splashed instead. Big Show ~ “Yikes!” A distracted Big Show gets tripped up and posted by DX. Back in, Shawn nails Shane with the flying forearm and the kip-up. An HBK atomic drop into a Triple H spinebuster to Shane! Shawn goes up for the flying elbow while H brings a chair into the ring and Pillmanizes Shane’s neck! Shawn connects with the elbow drop! Shane is bleeding inside! Shawn tunes up the band for SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Show is there to yank him out and throw him into the cage. Show hotshots H and brings the steps in the ring because he’s ANGRY! Vince is still down by the way and Shane is done. Show goes to ram H with the steps, but since they are covering his face, he can’t see Triple H running at him to nail him in the gut with a steel chair. Haha, he jiggles like Jell-O! A chair shot to the head on the steps KO’s Show. Wait, no it doesn’t, but the SWEET CHIN MUSIC will! He falls on the ropes, which becomes important in a minute. The last McMahon standing is Vince, and he looks FURIOUS. H gets rid of the steps as the crowd starts to boo! It’s a standoff between Vince and DX. They yank Show’s tights down past his rear end! Vince drops to his knees and gets his face stuck in between the cheeks. Show falls out to the floor to readjust himself, and I think I saw a wee-wee! Shawn hits the SWEET CHIN MUSIC while H grabs a sledgehammer and BREAKS it over the back of Vince’s skull for the academic three-count. (25:04) Wow, great match to hopefully end the feud. It told a great story and adding Big Show to the mix was the best thing for it, as it did wonders for the match. I couldn’t imagine it being good without him. ****

8. This is the match that gave Sabu a future in the new ECW. The crowd was extremely hot for the whole thing and it ended in an insane moment without a real winner. You can’t deny that it was awesome seeing these two nearly kill each other. Sounds sick, I know, but that’s ECW.

- World Heavyweight Champion Rey Mysterio vs. Sabu – “Extreme Rules” match (ECW: One Night Stand II – 06.11.06)

Mysterio comes out with his old-school tights like he wore before he lost the mask in WCW. Rey has ECW stitched on the back of his mask, but the crowd interprets it as “sucking up” so they boo Rey. Joey calls Rey’s reaction mixed, but Tazz begs to differ. Both men have chairs in hand as the bell sounds. They lay the chairs down and actually begin to wrestle! They go through a nice little sequence and then come to a stand-off. They play patty cake with the chairs which goes nowhere. Sabu hits Air Sabu, but then takes a drop-toe hold into a chair. Rey follows up with a chair-assisted hurracanrana out from the corner. Sabu avoids a 619 and then heaves a chair into Rey’s face which sends him rolling out to the floor! Sabu pulls out a table and makes it into a scaffold between the ring and guardrail. He lays Rey on the table and then goes for a springboard dive from inside the ring, but Rey rolls off the table. Sabu changes his direction, but still misses Rey and lands chest-first on the railing. Back in, Rey hits a beautiful moonsault press for two! Rey tries for a sunset flip from the apron, but Sabu kicks him in the head and sets Rey up for a guillotine legdrop while laid out on the middle rope. Sabu covers, 1, 2, NO! Sabu puts Rey in a camel clutch to draw some “Sheik” chants from the crowd, so Sabu releases the hold and points to the sky. Sabu goes to the floor and pulls out another table before re-entering and delivering an Arabian Facebuster for a near-fall. Sabu goes back out and sets up the table vertically to the ring. Rey dropkicks Sabu on the apron and landing on the table. LA SILLA to Sabu THROUGH the table! Back in, Rey hits a springboard guillotine leg drop to the back of Sabu’s head. Cover, 1, 2, NO! Sabu comes back with a springboard leg lariat. Sabu hits the TRIPLE JUMP MOONSAULT for 1, 2, NO! Rey avoids the ATOMIC ARABIAN FACEBUSTER and then sets Sabu in a chair for LA SILLA. Rey goes for it, but then Sabu rolls out of the way to crotch Rey REAL good! Sabu heaves the chair at Rey again for a nice sonic boom to send Rey to the floor! Sabu puts Rey on that table made into a scaffold and then delivers a SPRINGBOARD DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE FLOOR on Rey Mysterio!!! Neither man can continue so they call for a bell leaving this match a no-contest. (9:08) The crowd boos the heck out of that finish, but that just made the moment all the more insane. Sabu pretty much jackknifed himself. That was a pretty cool spot fest if I do say so myself. Should this match be classified as having a bad finish just because there was no real end result? I don’t think so because to me, that’s what makes something hardcore; two guys who cross the line of being able to continue to fight. Sabu wasn’t going to win the title and since he had had 75% of the offense in the match, it wouldn’t have made sense for Rey to go over here. ****

7. What has helped Ric Flair maintain a wrestling career after thirty years is that he didn’t wrestle in crazy gimmick matches. He was a wrestler’s wrestler; meaning he kept it on the mat as much as possible unless he was being slammed off the top turnbuckle. You also have Edge, who holds a fairly decent win/loss record when it comes to ladder matches and was undefeated in TLC matches at this point. You wouldn’t think someone like Ric Flair could put on an awesome TLC match at the age of 56, but it was as though he had waited his whole career to compete in one of these dangerous matches.

- WWE Champion Edge (w/Lita) vs. Ric Flair – TLC V Match (Raw – 01.16.06)

This was the best Raw of 2006, wrestling-wise. Edge had been making fun of Flair for weeks after he was charged (in REAL life!) with assault and battery in late-November. They wrestled at New Year’s Revolution, which Flair won by DQ after Edge hit Flair in the face with his “Money-in-the-Bank” briefcase. That same night, as we all know, Edge cashed in the briefcase and pinned Cena to win the WWE title. This could all come back to bite him in the butt now that he has Flair to contend with in a TLC match. Many overlook this match saying that Flair is out of his element, but that’s definitely not the case (no pun intended). By the way, this is LIVE from Raleigh, NC. Flair country, if you WILL. Flair hits some chops early, but Edge stops that with a knee and grabs a ladder and a chair from the outside. Edge jabs Flair with the ladder and then sandwiches him in between the rungs! Flair is trapped, so Edge picks up the chair and smashes it into the ladder. Flair finally gets free and rolls out to the floor. Edge follows him out and gets chopped out over the security wall. They brawl in the crowd for a bit, but then Flair takes a backdrop back out to ringside. Edge gives Flair a suplex on the floor and sets up a table and puts a chair on it. Lita hands him another chair for a CONCHAIRTO on the table, but Flair counters by grabbing Edge’s balls! Flair takes Edge off the announce table and drops him chest-first on the security wall. Lita takes this opportunity to jump on Flair’s back and choke him down, but Flair flips her off of him. Flair goes back after Edge, but then gets nailed with a steel chair to bust him open! Edge sets him on the table and Lita holds him down while Edge sets up a ladder in the ring. Remember, Flair is on a table over by the announce table! Edge starts to climb and once he gets to the top, he SPLASHES Flair through the table! CRAZY! Flair’s daughter Ashley is at ringside pleading with him to get up as we go to commercial! We’re back and a bloody Flair is vertical in the ring while Edge is still stumbling out on the floor. Edge gets back in and takes a low blow for it. Flair sandwiches Edge in between the rungs this time and proceeds to smash a chair on the ladder. I love how Flair is using Edge’s own tactics against him, knowing that he’s never been in a ladder match before. Flair pulls Edge free from the ladders and cleans his clock with a chairshot! Flair places the ladder on Edge and bashes the ladder with the chair some more and then makes the first attempt at retrieving the belt. Once he sees Edge is still moving, he gets down and moves the ladder to a corner. Flair chops Edge down and heads up the ladder, but Edge meets him at the top for a SUPERPLEX OFF THE LADDER! INSANE! Edge starts to climb the ladder, but now Flair is standing again. Edge decides to deliver a missile dropkick, but Flair avoids it. Nevertheless, we see a Flair Flop. WOOOO! Edge gets up first and knocks Flair out to ringside with a chairshot. Edge goes up the ladder for his belt, but Flair gets back in and pushes the ladder back to send Edge crashing through a table out on the floor! The crowd is going nuts, begging Flair to capitalize on this moment. Flair climbs the ladder and touches the belt, but Lita sneaks in and brings Flair down. She knocks Flair down and mounts him to punch on him, but Flair pushes Lita off and puts her in the FIGURE-FOUR! He lets go after about ten seconds and Edge is still out! Flair slowly starts the climb again. Edge is now up and at the ladder, but Edge climbs and punches Flair down to retain his belt. (16:38) Post-match, Edge SPEARS Flair down and goes for another CONCHAIRTO, but John Cena runs down for the save. Interestingly enough, Edge would be dethroned during his second title reign in a TLC match against John Cena himself, which we’ll get to later in the countdown. ****

6. We’ve got two guys who are given 20-minutes and who just so happen to RULE. What else do you need?

- Chris Benoit vs. Finlay – (Judgment Day 05.21.06)

This grudge match is a result of Finlay pulling some shenanigans on Benoit to continue in the KotR tournament. It’s all for naught considering Lashley beat Finlay to advance the finals. But in any event, both these guys just love to fight. I mean, Finlay says it at the beginning of his entrance music. “Benoit” chants start up before these guys even lock up with each other. They collar-and-elbow tie up their way out to the floor with INTENSITY! Back in, Benoit goes nose-to-nose with Finlay to bait in the quickest double-leg takedown I’ve ever seen to try for a SHARPSHOOTER. Finlay trips him up before Benoit can lock in the hold. Benoit goes to the mat with a headlock, but a quick rollup by Finlay causes him to break the hold. Finlay complains to the ref that Benoit jabbed him in the eye to slow things down and to get a quick shot in on Benoit. Genius! Finlay takes Benoit back to the mat with a reverse chinlock for a bit, but then wakes Benoit up with a slap to the face. Benoit returns the favor, only 1000x harder! Benoit stiffs Finlay to the other side of the ring and drops him with a textbook backbreaker. Benoit takes Finlay to the mat and tries to maneuver him around for the Crippler Crossface, but instead cradles him over for a near-fall with Finlay’s feet on the ropes. Benoit beats on Finlay in the corner, but then takes a thumb to the eye. Short-arm clothesline sets up a near-fall. Finlay puts Benoit in a hold that is so sick, I don’t even know WHAT to call it where he forces his foot behind Benoit’s head and pulls on both his arms. Let’s call it the IRISH TORTURE DEVICE! Benoit actually powers out of this insane hold, but goes right into a bow-tie chokehold. Benoit fights out and ducks a clothesline to hit the HAT TRICK of Germans. Benoit goes up top for the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT, but Finlay rolls out of the way. Benoit delivers a dragon screw leg whip and tries for the SHARPSHOOTER once more, but Finlay kicks him away. Finlay goes out to bring a chair into the ring, but Benoit baseball-slides the chair into Finlay. Benoit rolls Finlay in and nails the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! He covers for 1, 2, NO! Finlay reverses a whip for Benoit to run chest-first in the corner, and then follows up with a clothesline from behind for two. Finlay works on the neck for a bit, but then hits a big running butt splash to Benoit’s lower abdomen for two. Finlay locks on a hammerlock/dragon sleeper submission hold! I don’t know why no one has ever thought of that before! Benoit bridges out, but Finlay drops him again with a European uppercut to the back of the head. Finlay just kills Benoit with the forearm shots. Benoit fights back with the same, but then Finlay starts to tear on Benoit’s shoulders. Benoit flips out a slam and puts Finlay down with a German suplex! He hits another suplex! Benoit tries for a third, but Finlay elbows out. Finlay repeatedly headbutts Benoit, but then takes an enziguri that sends him stumbling out of the ring. Benoit follows him out and ducks a swing of the shillelagh to give Finlay a German suplex on the floor! Benoit gets back in the ring at the count of six, Finlay in at eight. Benoit delivers a snap suplex in from the apron and holds on through the Three Amigos of Eddie Guerrero. Benoit takes too much time pounding his chest like Eddie, so Finlay shoves Benoit off the apron into the security wall. Back in, Finlay drives Benoit shoulder-first into the steel ringpost. He brings Benoit to the center of the ring and out of nowhere; Benoit takes Finlay down to the mat to lock in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Once Benoit clasps his hands, Finlay taps immediately! (21:10) If guys like Benoit and Finlay can’t deliver, WWE might as well stop what they’re doing. Keep the memories you have and leave it at that. The match they had that set this one up was really great, but this was just better. Possibly the reason could just be due to the commercial break in the middle of it. You might be able to say that the finish was too quick, but it completely defines what the Crossface is meant to do. It’s meant to be unexpected and quickly executed. No one saw it coming, especially not Finlay. ****

5. A perfect definition of “good friends, better enemies.” These two put on a non-stop hardcore clinic, ending with a very memorable finish that few men could ever top. To say that Mick Foley is included this far down on a Match of the Year countdown in 2006 is a testament to just how great he still can be to the business.

- Edge (w/Lita) vs. Mick Foley – Hardcore Match (WrestleMania 22 04.02.06)

Edge has a baseball bat and you can just guess what he wants to do with it. Foley knocks it away from him and sends Edge down with a faceslam. Joey Styles is “losing his WrestleMania virginity” as he puts it by calling this match. He mentions that Foley is wearing the black flannel showing that he’s gone into a dark place preparing for this match. Foley sets up Edge in the TREEEE OF WOEEE position and follows up with an elbow drop to the face. Edge comes back with a knockdown to Foley. Edge tells Lita to throw in some toys for him to beat Foley with. A cookie sheet is destroyed by Foley’s head! Edge follows up by dropkicking a road sign in Foley’s face! Edge sets up for the spear and he gets it! Edge is obviously more hurt by it as Foley stands up and shows everyone that he has barbed-wire wrapped around his abdomen! Foley yanks out some wire-cutters from his shoe and takes that off of him. CRAZY! Edge’s arm is “busted open”. Foley takes his barbed wire and then starts whipping Edge with it! While Edge gets wrapped up in the ropes, Mick goes to the floor and pulls out his barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat better known as Barbie! Lita comes in and leaps on Mick’s back to try and save Edge, so Mick runs at Edge who is still in the ropes for a CACTUS CLOTHESLINE! That was AWESOME! Mick covers for two! Swinging neckbreaker on the floor gets two. Foley charges Edge with his head up against the steel steps, but Edge jumps up and tosses Foley awkwardly into the steps! Poor Mick. Edge beats on Foley some more before tossing him knees first into the steps again! Edge sets up a table out on the floor and puts Foley on it. Edge goes up top, but Foley simply slides off of the table. Edge comes down and goes after Mick by slamming his head into the steel rampway! That gets two. Back in, Lita hands Edge a bottle of lighter fluid and then Edge squirts it all over Mick! Lawler can’t believe Edge is going to light Foley on fire! Foley comes back with a quick pull-up piledriver for two. Lita saves Edge from a ONE-MAN CONCHAIRTO by getting in the ring, but then Foley turns around into a DDT on a cookie sheet for two. Edge brings Barbie into play and harms Foley with it REAL good. He even bulldogs Foley on it for two. Edge goes back to the floor and pulls out a SACK OF TACKS and pours them all in the ring! Foley counters with a back suplex on the tacks! Edge is all like OWWWW so Foley pulls out MR. SOCKO, and then wraps him up with barbed wire! MANDIBLE CLAW for Edge AND Lita! Lita’s lip is supposedly busted open. Foley grabs Barbie and nails Edge with it a couple times. Both men are busted open pretty bad. Foley goes out onto the apron and pours lighter fluid on that table that was set up on the floor. Lita comes by with Barbie and whacks Foley in the balls with it! HAHAHA! She sets the table on fire as Edge comes THROUGH the ropes and spears Foley THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE! Joey ~ “OH MY GOD!” That’ll do it as Edge gets the three-count. (14:38) A flaming table and a barbed-wire wrapped Mr. Socko. THAT’s hardcore, folks! Edge does a great mutilated sell-job on his way to the back. ****

4. It seemed like this was a match where WWE wanted Randy Orton to get in there and learn something. Possibly the most underrated WWE match of 2006, for reasons I don’t understand. I enjoyed the heck out of this match.

- Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton – No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere (Smackdown – 01.27.06)

Orton took Booker’s place due to an injury in order to finish his best-of-seven series with Benoit over the US Title. Orton is promised a favor in return, but I’m not sure that it ever paid off. After the Rumble, Orton went right into a feud with Rey Mysterio leading up to WrestleMania. Nice chain wrestling to start. Benoit comes out of a waistlock and goes to an overhead wristlock. Orton comes out of that into a side headlock. Benoit shoves him off into the ropes and takes a shoulderblock. He tries several times to do a German Suplex, but Orton blocks every attempt and slips through the ropes and out to the floor because he FEARS the move. Good psychology. Orton’s all, “I don’t think so, dude,” as we go to commercial. We come back to see Orton taking Benoit down with a headlock. Benoit tries to get out of that and surprise Orton with the CROSSFACE, but Orton gets away. Benoit works the arm with a standing armbar, but Orton rolls out of it and gets knocked down with some chops for two. Orton fights back and sends Benoit out to the floor with forearm shots. They fight on the announce table until Orton backs Benoit kidneys-first into the apron. Orton covers out on the floor for 1-2-NO! Back in, Orton covers again using the ropes for leverage for two. Nothing the ref can do about it either. Orton goes to the rigorous chinlock. Benoit fights out with an armdrag and gets caught with a HIGH dropkick. They go back out to the floor and Orton finds a trashcan lid and nails Benoit in the back with it. Now Orton grabs a trash can, but Benoit gives him a drop toe hold on it to buy himself some time. Benoit slams Orton’s face into the steps and chops him up against the ringpost. They go back over to the announce table for Benoit to slam Orton’s face on it and send him flying in Cole and Tazz’s seats! Orton fights back with a BLINDING rake to the eyes. Benoit takes a hotshot on the announce table for 1-2-NO! Back in, Orton delivers some knee drops and goes to the crazy chinlock again. Orton releases to stomp him and then goes out and brings a chair into the ring. Benoit ducks a wild swing with the chair and goes for the SHARPSHOOTER! Orton fights it, but Benoit holds on until he gets kicked away. Orton channels the spirit of NIKOLAI VOLKOFF and drops a big communist-like knee drop for 1-2-NO! Orton applies a sleeper/body scissors. Benoit breaks free of the body scissors. He remains in a front headlock, but fights out with a release Northern Lights suplex. They go out on the floor and brawl up the aisle way, but Benoit sends Orton back into the ring with chops. Benoit delivers a pair of knockdowns and then a running elbow drop for 1-2-NO! Benoit hits the Three Amigos and goes a superplex for the big exclamation point. Will he get it? Yes he does! Both men down at the seven-count, but then out of nowhere Benoit jumps on Orton to slap on the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE. Orton fights it off long enough to stand up and fall out to the floor along with Benoit. Orton grabs the trash can on the other side of the ring and walks over and hits Benoit in the head with it. Commercial time! We come back and Orton has Benoit in the ring and down on the mat in the tenacious chinlock. Benoit fights out of it with chops, but then Orton catches Benoit in a Stretch Backbreaker. Back out to the floor, Orton pulls up the protective mat to expose the concrete floor and tries to give Benoit a PILEDRIVER! That move is illegal in the WWE, even Cole says it is! I love how Orton takes advantage of the rules there to get the job done. Naturally, Benoit has to backdrop out of the piledriver. He grabs a steel chair and goes to KILL Orton with it, but Orton moves out of the way just in time for the chair to smash against the concrete. Benoit chases Orton back into the ring with the chair, but Orton kicks it away. Orton swings at Benoit, but he ducks and gets his Hat Trick of Germans! Benoit signals for the Swandive Headbutt and heads up top, but Orton brings up the trashcan lid to block and lets Benoit hit it face first. Hahaha, Orton is SMILING! Cole calls Orton a coward, which seems unjustified to me. That was smart. Orton slithers around waiting for Benoit to get up and take an RKO on the trashcan lid. Benoit blocks it and shoves Orton off into the ropes, and then NAILS Orton in the face with the lid, making Orton easy pickings for the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE and the win! (26:06) Just an all-around awesome match with tons of great psychology. ****

3. A classic match followed by a classic rematch. It’s amazing how they can create the same amazing atmosphere twice by doing two completely different matches. Sure, some spots were the same, but the ones that were different are what make this match so special. Up until the finish, you knew Undertaker meant what he said at No Way Out by telling Kurt Angle that he had his number.

- World Champion Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker – (Smackdown – 03.03.06)

This is the rematch from No Way Out due to the controversial finish. I still don’t know how the WWE can call that finish controversial, but who cares! We get another great match! Crowd goes into the dueling chants to start as Angle tries to avoid being stuck in the corner with Taker. Angle ducks Taker’s shots and turns things around on Taker in the corner. Taker comes out and brings Angle into the corner by his throat and delivers some body shots. Taker chases the ref out of the ring and charges into a boot off a whip in the corner. Angle catches Taker in an armdrag and goes into an armbar. Taker escapes and applies a Fujiwara armbar of his own. Taker lifts Angle up in a knucklelock lift and heads over to the corner to wrench on Angle’s arm some more. Taker decides to go OLD SKOOL, but Angle brings him down with a forearm. Angle stomps Taker down in the corner, but Taker goes back to the arm to regain control. Taker looks like he wants to try for OLD SKOOL again, but Angle drills him with a forearm before he can start the climb. Angle delivers the ten-count corner punch, but Taker lifts him up for the LAST RIDE to counter after seven. Angle tries to block it, so Taker drops him on the top rope instead. Angle gets booted off the apron into the security wall as we go to break. We come back to see Taker setting up the announce table, but Angle stops him and slams Taker’s head into the steel steps, but then he turns around and drops Angle with a clothesline. Taker places Angle on the apron and gives him the guillotine leg drop across the neck instead of delivering it on the chest. Angle WRITHES in pain as he falls to the floor. Taker brings Angle back in to avoid a countout and covers for 1-2-NO! I love how Taker created the opportunity to move from working on the arm to the neck. Taker grinds and hammers on Angle’s neck and shoulders, but then Angle reverses a whip and hits a powerslam out of nowhere! Cover, 1-2-NO! Angle applies a chinlock, but releases the hold when Taker starts pushing on Angle’s face causing more torque on the neck. Angle delivers a suplex for two, and then moves to a body scissors for a few near-falls. Taker stands up out of it, leaving Angle open for right hands. Angle baits Taker in the corner and avoids a running big boot to create an opportunity to weaken Taker’s leg for the anklelock. Angle tries to knock Taker off the apron, but he runs into a back elbow to slow things down. Taker heads up top, but Angle meets him there only to get knocked back down. Angle comes back with rights and delivers a top-rope superplex for 1-2-NO! Commercial break #2! After the break, we see Angle punishing Taker with another chinlock. Taker punches out, but then gets clotheslined out to the floor by Angle. He lands on his feet and pulls Angle out to the floor with him. That proves to a BIG mistake, as Angle reverses a whip sending Taker knees-first into the steel steps! Back in, Angle covers for 1-2-NO! Taker wins a slugfest and follows Angle into the corner with a clothesline! Make it two clotheslines! Taker follows up with the snake-eyes, but Angle ducks the big boot and hits a German Suplex! OH YEAH! Angle wants the ANGLE SLAM, but will he get it? NO! Big boot by Taker! Cover, 1-2-NO! Taker wants a CHOKESLAM, but Angle decides that the ANKLELOCK might be that much cooler! Taker kicks Angle away and goes for the TOMBSTONE out of nowhere! Angle reverses, but so does Taker! Angle escapes, ducks a clothesline and hits the ANGLE SLAM! Cover, 1-2-NO!!! The crowd collectively has a heart attack at this point. Angle pulls down the straps, makes up some new cuss words, and slaps on the ANKLELOCK again! Taker rolls through it and catches Angle in a CHOKESLAM! Taker staggers around, so Angle takes advantage and surprises EVERYONE with another ANKLELOCK! Taker turns around and pulls Angle into the Triangle Choke! Angle starts to fade away, but then rolls over Taker into a pinning predicament just like at No Way Out, but Taker slips out after one. The choke is still applied as Taker rolls onto his back. Will Angle tap out?! Angle’s arm drops once, twice, but not three times as he reaches the bottom rope. Taker sets Angle up for a leg drop, but Angle avoids it and hooks on the ANKLELOCK for the FOURTH time in this match! Taker actually kicks Angle off again, slips out of an ANGLE SLAM, and applies a Dragon Sleeper! Angle pounds his way out of it and drops Taker with a DDT for 1-2-NO! Angle goes for it all with a picture-perfect MOONSAULT, but there’s no water in the pool! ZOMBIE SIT-UP! Taker hits the TOMBSTONE and just as he covers Angle, Mark Henry and Daivari hop in the ring and begin their attack for the DQ. (28:42) Crowd is pissed off at the ending, and I can’t say I blame them. How are you going to give us a near 30-minute classic and end it on a DQ? Henry kicks Taker out to the floor and splashes him through the announce table to get their WrestleMania feud-a-roasting. This was equally as good, if not better than their No Way Out match by showcasing some different moves than what was done before. It was nearing ****¾ territory in my eyes up until that utterly terrible finish, and I have no choice but to subtract a ½* away from it. However, horrible finish aside, it’s still the best free TV match of the year. ****¼

2. Okay, so before, I gave this the nod for match of the year, but then I popped in No Way Out one day and my mind was changed. I loved how the Cena/Edge feud came to this; Edge being topped in his own specialty match. What better way to dethrone the champ?

- WWE Champion Edge vs. John Cena – TLC Match (Unforgiven 09.17.06)

If Edge wins, Cena signs a three-year deal with Smackdown. If Cena wins, he becomes the three-time WWE Champion alongside Mick Foley and Brock Lesnar. In case you didn’t know, this is also Edge’s hometown so the crowd is very pro-Edge. Also, JR goofs up again by saying Edge (and Edge has said as well) has never lost in a TLC match. I vaguely remember a TLC match on Smackdown five years ago that Edge and Christian lost which included Benoit, Jericho, the Hardys and the Dudleys. Actually, I remember it VERY well. Why does everyone seem to forget about that match? We start off with Cena working a headlock while breaking the hold and getting in three shoulderblocks. Cena runs the ropes and Edge catches Cena with a slap to the face. Cena takes him down and pounds away, but then he ducks low off a whip and takes a swinging neckbreaker from Edge. They go to the floor where Edge tries to Cena’s head off with a steel chair, but he misses and Cena takes him back into the ring for the Protoplex. Edge avoids a charge and then delivers the Edgecution. Edge goes out and brings two chairs into the ring and then sets up facing each other. Edge tries to suplex Cena on the chairs, but he counters and tries for the suplex. Edge flips out and drops Cena with an inverted DDT on the chairs! Edge brings one of the shorter ladders into the ring and goes for the belt, but Cena gets back up and shoves the ladder over. Edge lands on his feet and charges at Cena with a clothesline. While Cena is draped across the middle ropes, Edge goes out to the floor and slams a ladder in his face. Edge follows up and comes off the security wall and missile dropkicks the ladder into Cena! Edge gets back in and tries to ram Cena with the ladder, but he moves and hits the corner. Cena comes back with rights and then hiptosses Edge onto the propped up ladder in the corner. Cena sees there’s two tables set up beside one another and grabs Edge so he can FU him through the tables, but Edge grabs the ropes and lands on the apron. Cena wins a slugfest and comes off the ropes, but gets nailed with a forearm. Edge goes up top and gets crotched to disable him long enough for Cena to bring a table into the ring. He sets it up in the ring and then tries to superplex Edge through it. Edge is able to hammer his way out for a sunset flip powerbomb, but Cena puts the brakes on the hold for our first real botched spot of the match. The crowd is a little disappointed to say the least. They improvise with Edge giving Cena a powerslam through the table. “Cena sucks!” chant go up as the ref gets the table out of the ring. Cena is out on the floor, so Edge runs up the ladder that’s still propped up in the corner and dives out onto Cena! Edge tosses Cena back in and brings two chairs in the ring with him. He levels Cena on the mat with a chair shot and then sets up for the one-man Conchairto, but Cena trips Edge up once he goes for the fatal swing. Cena hits the Throwback (running flip neckbreaker) on the chair! He then picks up the ladder and sandwiches Edge in between the ladder and applies the STFU! JR tries to convince us that Cena is a TOUGH SONUVAGUN for doing what he just did. Cena releases the hold and then rams the ladder into Edge’s face. He lifts the ladder up onto his shoulders and FU’s the ladder on Edge! Sure, why not. Cena sets the ladder up in the corner and then delivers a Protobomb to set up the Five Knuckle Shuffle from the ladder! Lawler ~ “I love a good fist drop, JR.” Cena goes out to the floor and brings another table into the ring, but then turns around in a WONDERFUL chairshot. I mean, that baby was nice. Cena is OUT. Haha, Edge starts to get cocky and bobbles his head as the crowd cheers! Edge sets Cena on a table and then goes out and brings another table into the ring, which he sets up on TOP of the table Cena is laid out on! Edge goes up top, but then Cena gets up and knocks Edge out onto the security wall. Cena goes out to the floor and pulls out one of those 16-foot ladders which will make it harder to climb, but a lot easier to grab the belt. I can’t let you forget about the ladder that was set up in the corner about five minutes ago because Edge is climbing it as we speak. He comes off of it and spears Cena off the big ladder to save his title! Not a perfect spear, but it worked. Edge begins to climb the big ladder, but then realizes Cena is up and dives out on top of him. Cena catches him and lifts Edge up into the FU position. He gets too close to the ladder, allowing Edge to climb off of Cena and onto the ladder. Cena stops him and powerbombs Edge into the smaller standing ladder. Yikes, that could’ve been disastrous. Edge falls out to the floor to rest, but Cena follows him out and has a steel chair in hand. Edge rises and Cena connects with a very, very weak chairshot. Cena rolls back in the ring and seems to be disappointed in himself. Cena begins to climb the 16-foot ladder to regain his title, but Lita comes down and turns the ladder over to send Cena through a table out on the floor ala Matt Hardy at SummerSlam 2000. The only difference was the table was horizontal instead of vertical like at SummerSlam. I’m proud of you, John. Edge finally starts to get up to his feet on the other side of the ring. Edge crawls in the ring and sets the ladder up underneath the belt as somehow Cena is back in the ring. Lita grabs a chair in the ring and nails Cena in the back with it, causing him to fall into the ladder and send Edge crashing through a table on the entrance ramp. OUCH! That looked like it hurt worse than Cena’s bump. Lita gets an FU to put her out of the match. The top table from the double-stack in the ring fell down because of the ring bounce from the FU, so Cena sets it back up because it’s very vital to the finish. Cena sets the ladder back up and begins to climb, and Edge has unbelievably made it back into the ring. He starts to climb the opposite side of the ladder to try and knock the challenger off, but Cena lifts him up on his shoulders for the FU off the ladder and through the double-stack of tables! The finish is academic as Cena easily grabs the belt to regain his championship! (25:29) That was one AMAZING match and possibly my favorite WWE TLC match. With a few minor obvious botches, it wasn’t perfect so I can’t give it the full five stars. ****¼

And now, to no one’s surprise, the #1 WWE match of 2006!

1. Absolutely tremendous match from bell-to-bell. It legitimized Kurt Angle’s title reign and proved that Undertaker could still go with someone talented. It’s no doubt the all-around best match WWE could muster up in 2006. After a couple more viewings, I boosted the rating up another ½*.

- World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker – (No Way Out 02.19.06)

Taker goes right after Angle, but Angle is able to dodge, dip, duck, dive, and dodge him to start. Angle pisses off Taker by shoving him in the back, so Taker goes crazy on him. Angle rolls out of the ring to avoid ALL of that. Back in, Taker works over Angle’s arm and shoulder for a good while. Taker goes for Old School, but Angle nails him in the face to put a stop to it. Taker counters a whip out of the corner into an arm whip. He goes for Old School again and this time it works. Taker hits the Snake Eyes, but Angle ducks the big boot and catches Taker for a German suplex. Angle punishes Taker in the corner with stomps and shoulder blocks. Taker counters a whip into the far side corner and follows in with a running knee to the face. Taker charges again, but Angle ducks out of the way. Taker gets knocked off the apron onto the barricade. Angle sends Taker face-first into the steel steps, but then Angle is caught coming off the apron and then driven spine-first into the ringpost. Taker sets Angle on the apron and delivers a legdrop across the throat. Back in, Taker goes for a chokeslam but Angle kicks him away. Now Angle goes after Taker’s left knee. He posts his knee a couple times and then applies the ringpost figure-four. Back in, Angle stomps away on Taker’s knee and then goes all Ric Flair on Taker by splashing his knee against the ropes. Taker tosses Angle to the floor out of desperation. Taker sets Angle up on the apron again for another legdrop, but Angle counters it with an ANKLELOCK out on the floor! Angle goes in to break the count and then comes back out to apply the hold once again. Back in, Angle applies a legbar but Taker kicks out of it. Angle comes back with a double-leg takedown, but Taker counters that with a TRIANGLE CHOKE! Angle makes the ropes. Angle rolls out to the floor to try and rejuvenate himself. Taker goes out after him and attacks him out on the floor. He even tosses him into Tony Chimel! That guy has had a rough night! Tazz ~ “Better Chimel than us.” Weren’t you a wrestler once? Geez. Taker sets up the Cole/Tazz announce table, but Angle catches Taker and drives him through the SAT with an ANGLESLAM! Angle cusses ref Nick Patrick out for trying to count out the Undertaker. Angle rocks your face off. He goes back out to the floor and pounds on Taker, but then gets whipped into the steel steps. Back in, Taker goes up top possibly for his flying clothesline, but Angle pops up and tries a superplex. Angle gets knocked back down to the mat, but then he comes back up and delivers a SUPER BELLY-TO-BELLY THROW. Angle covers for two. Angle comes off the ropes, but runs into a boot for two. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Angle rolls through into the ANKLELOCK! Taker pulls Angle into the TRIANGLE CHOKE! Angle counters THAT into another ANKLELOCK! Taker rolls Angle off of him and then gives Angle a CHOKESLAM! That gets a near-fall! Now it’s time for the LAST RIDE! Or is it? Angle rolls out of that into another ANKLELOCK! Taker kicks him off again, but swings his way into an ANGLESLAM! Angle covers, but it only gets two. Angle can’t believe it! He pulls down the straps so he can finally get serious! They trade blows. Angle comes off the ropes and Taker catches him for the TOMBSTONE! Angle reverses it into a Tombstone of his own. Taker reverses it again but Angle rolls down into the ANKLELOCK! Angle grapevines the leg! OH SNAP! Taker rolls over so that he’s able to kick Angle repeatedly in the face to get him off of him. Both men back up, Angle delivers ANOTHER ANGLESLAM! Angle tries a rollup of sorts, but Taker pulls him in the TRIANGLE CHOKE again! Kurt looks like he’s going to pass out! The arm falls twice but on the third time, Angle flips over into a pinning predicament with Taker’s shoulders down on the mat for the three-count! ANGLE RETAINS! (29:48) Tazz tries to say that since Taker was the aggressor that his shoulders shouldn’t have been counted. Well, if they want to say that it was a controversial finish for the REMATCH on Smackdown, then that’s cool with me! Taker is another guy that can have great matches with great competitors, and Angle is capable of having a great match with just about anybody. Add these two together and you’ve got an excellent match. I would say that this was definitely Taker’s best non-gimmicked match since 1997; bar none. I would also go as far as to say that this is Angle’s greatest successful PPV title defense outside of Angle/Benoit at the Rumble 2003. ****½

EDIT: After reading that, chances are — either you think my writing has gotten better or its gotten a lot less creative. All the same, I hope you enjoyed that.

It’s all snowy here in North Carolina and when there’s anything white on the ground, our entire world shuts down, which means I’ve got nowhere to go. Having said that, my ten picks from 2007 are due. Look for it to be up sometime Sunday!

Yes, we talk about Summerslam from when this computer was brand new.

Holy crap, it’s Dusty and Eric! The wonder twins have a few things to discuss on this audio, including the possibility of Bret Hart guest-hosting WWE Monday Night Raw on Jan. 4 (and the perceived crappiness of guest host Dennis Miller, the guy who teased this return, as well as Vince McMahon’s reaction to the tease). They talk about Sheamus as WWE Champion and how little time has been focused on him already, the possibility of a John Cena-Randy Orton double-turn, and the Shawn Michaels challenge of the Undertaker for WrestleMania 26 and whether or not it can live up to the previous match. And then they talk about Summerslam 1988. Yep, take me down to the coke head city. All this and not much more, if you just click!

Stunt Granny Audio #72

World Wrestling Federation presents March to Wrestle Mania IX 3-29-1993

Bob Bartlett starts the show in an empty Manhattan Center and he’s wondering where everyone is.

Cut to Vince McMahon who is with Bobby Heenan and they will be calling the show. The official contract signing between WWF World Heavyweight Champion Bret Hart and Yokozuna is shown. Yokozuna viciously attacks Bret Hart by ramming the table into Hart’s gut. Yokozuna splats Hart with the Banzai Drop. Bret manages to get to his feet fairly quickly.

Vince McMahon hypes up Wrestle Mania and Bobby Heenan does the same. Randy Savage will be facing Yokozuna tonight. Also, Bam-Bam Bigelow will go to war with the Undertaker. Lastly, the Mega Maniacs will share their thoughts on the WWF World Tag Team Champions, Money Inc.

Opening Contest: Randy Savage versus Yokozuna
Nearly two minutes of stalling early on. Eventually, Yokozuna gets his hands on Savage and uses his size to manhandle Savage. Savage soon gets some momentum, until Mr. Fuji jabs the side of Savage with the Japanese flag. Yokozuna nails Savage with a belly to belly suplex to pick up the win in six and half minutes.
After the match, Yokozuna attempts the Banzai Drop but Savage manages to move out of the way and sends Yoko to the floor.

Commercials

Gene introduces the Mega Maniacs, Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake and Jimmy Hart. Hogan absorbs his reaction, but it isn’t nearly as big as it has been in the past. Hogan brings up the attack on Beefcake a few weeks ago. Hogan says he heard everyone praying for Beefcake, so he got on his motorcycle for seven days and seven nights to go help him. Beefcake talks about ripping Money Inc. hair out of their heads. Hogan finishes off by saying “When I put the WORLD TITLE on the jaws of the sharks, they are going to get lock jaw”….

Commercials

The debut of Lex Luger from the Royal Rumble is shown. Footage of Luger destroying various jobbers is shown as well. Gene mentions that Luger thinks he is “perfect”, which leads into the following.

Second Contest: Mr. Perfect versus Skinner
Skinner breaks kayfabe by saying “Come on Curt” at one point. Skinner did get some offense in but nothing special. Perfect manages to win following the Perfect Plex in four minutes.

Commercials

Bob Bartlett is still sitting in the empty Manhattan Center, not sure what is going on.

Wrestle Mania IX Report with Gene. Bret Hart cuts a promo saying that he doesn’t see himself as the underdog against Yokozuna.

Commercials

Main Event: Bam-Bam Bigelow versus The Undertaker
Bigelow got in a lot of offense in this match. Taker gets about thirty seconds of offense before Bigelow bails after a choke slam. Bigelow doesn’t come back and is counted out in just under six minutes of action.
After the match, Giant Gonzalez comes down but is held apart by referees.

Commercials

Vince McMahon makes a bold prediction that Bret Hart will retain the WWF World Heavyweight Championship and the Mega Maniacs will win the WWF World Tag Team Championships.

We see a Bret Hart music video going along with the song “Respect” by Aretha Franklin

End of show.

My Take: Not a bad show this week, a great improvement compared to the past several weeks. Savage/Yoko was a great way to get Yokozuna not only more over with the crowd, but to give him great momentum heading into Wrestle Mania IX. Wasn’t a fan of the Mega Maniacs interview because Hogan took the focus off of the feud with Money Inc. and onto himself. Also, the video with Bret Hart was awful because of the song choice. Bigelow getting some offense was nice to see. The fact that the Giant Gonzalez was able to be held back by much shorter referees is ridiculous. I should note, that this RAW was a shorter version of the two hour March to Wrestle Mania IX that aired the day earlier.

Tables Ladders & Chairs 2009, December 13, 2009, AT&T Center, San Antonio, TX

Announcers: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, & Matt Striker

Opening Match, ECW Championship Ladder Match: Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin

These two came right out and announced that they were going to steal the show here tonight and I can’t say that I would bet against them.  There’s ladders everywhere of course so we don’t have to screw around, but we actually do anyways with a bit of a feeling out period that ends with Christian hitting a dropkick.  Shelton leaps to the top off a whip and comes off with a press, then works Christian over.  Christian comes back with a Killswitch attempt which is countered to a backbreaker and now the crowd starts to buzz as Shelton goes for the first ladder.  Christian follows him and they go at it on the floor which ends with Christian being sent to the barrier.  Shelton goes for the ladder again, but this time Christian dives on him to break it up.  He then gets a ladder in the ring and climbs, but Shelton makes it back to save.  He monkey flips Shelton out of the corner, with Shelton landing on his feet and going for the quick win, but Christian pulls him down and tosses him.  He grabs the ladder and looks to throw it at Shelton, but Shelton trips him up and the ladder lands on Christian’s face, busting him open.  The match actually grinds to a halt so that the medics can patch Christian up to preserve the PG rating.  Matt Striker claims that this is mandated by the Texas State Athletic Commission, but then Lawler actually ruins that perfectly plausible cover up by saying that it’s actually a WWE rule.  We finally get going again with some trading on the floor which leads to them climbing a ladder on the floor, Christian falling, and Shelton hitting a flip dive off the ladder.  Shelton then makes a ladder bridge between the apron and the announce table so he can catapult Christian into it, but Christian kicks him off.  In the ring, Christian gets a ladder in the corner, but his whip is reversed and he hits it.  This sets up a Stinger Splash, but Christian throws a ladder at him to block.  He climbs, but Shelton saves and nails a spinkick.  He then runs Christian to a ladder and climbs.  Christian recovers and joins him so he can take Shelton down with an inverted DDT.  Next we get a real cool spot where they’re fighting on the ladder again and it tips over, but Shelton lands on his feet on the top rope.  Not the corner mind you, but the rope.  That’s an amazing display of balance.  He then rides the ladder down into a clothesline on Christian.  Another dual climb sees Shelton take him down with a powerslam after climbing over him.  Christian gets a ladder in the corner again, but this time falls victim to the Stinger Splash.  Shelton climbs, but Christian pulls the ladder out so he’s left dangling. He can’t knock Shelton down though, so he resets the ladder and goes up to knock him down from there.  Christian just about has it, but this time Shelton removes the ladder and drags him down.  Soon they’re both climbing again and Shelton sets up the sunset flip spot, but Christian counters it to a headscissors to the buckle.  They fight on the apron with Shelton teasing the German suplex to the floor, but Christian holds on.  He knocks Shelton back onto the ladder bridge from earlier, and then splashes him off the top, breaking the ladder in half in the process.  That’s it for Shelton, so Christian climbs, grabs the belt, and retains at 18:06.  Not blowaway awesome as there have certainly been better ladder matches, but it was still really good.  I hope Christian stays in ECW forever as he gets to shine here but would be lost in the shuffle anywhere else.  As for Shelton, he deserves better then to just be a guy they drag out when it’s time for a spotfest, but that’s a broken record by this point.  ***3/4

Intercontinental Championship Match: John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre

They start out with some mat wrestling, and they Morrison kicks it up with a spin kick.  Corner whip is reversed, but Morrison gets to the apron and shoulders McIntyre from there.  Headscissor takedown and a running kick get a 2 count.  McIntyre bails and Morrison makes the mistake of following and ends up getting sent to the post.  Back in, that gets 2 and now McIntyre goes to work.  Short clothesline gets 2 and he goes to an armbar.  Morrison fires out, but gets quickly cut off.  Suplex gets 2 for McIntyre, and then he cuts off another comeback by hitting a big boot for a couple of 2 counts.  To an armbar, and this time Morrison fires out and has success by countering a backbreaker to a DDT for 2.  He follows with a clothesline, high knee and kick for 2.  Top rope dropkick gets another 2, but then he runs into a knee.  An inverted flapjack gets 2, but Morrison revives and dropkicks McIntyre to the floor.  He follows again and looks to have been taken advantage of again, but ends up taking McIntyre to the barrier with a drop toehold.  He then springs off the apron and nails a kick.  Back in the ring, McIntyre misses a charge and hits the post.  Starship Pain connects, and Morrison covers, but the ref rules that McIntyre’s foot is under the ropes and waves the count off at 2.  A frustrated Morrison stomps away, but then has an issue with his belt where it seems to break.  The ref makes him take it off and as the ref is getting rid of it, McIntyre gets a shot to the eyes.  He follows with the double arm DDT, now dubbed the Scot Drop and that gets the 3 count.  Drew McIntyre is the new IC Champ at 10:20.  A decent outing here, but kind of a sad way to do a Title switch.  One of the bigger problems with having too many Titles comes up here.  We’re supposed to buy this as a big moment, but really this is probably the sixth (out of seven) most important match on the show, and of the three Title changes, this is by far least important, so it just gets buried and forgotten under the upper card stuff.  **

We also get a post match segment where Vince McMahon congratulates McIntyre on his win, and then Josh Matthews interviews him.  Not much of note is said, but Sheamus then interrupts and promises that McIntyre isn’t the only newcomer leaving with gold tonight.

Women’s Championship Match: Michelle McCool (w/Layla) vs. Mickie James

Layla still has the “Piggie James” shirt on as they feel the need to bury the most consistently popular woman they have for who knows what reason.  Michelle bails right away, and then when Mickie finally gets here they do this intense lockup spot where they hold it even while rolling out of the ring in order to sell the hatred here.  Michelle charges, but gets rolled up for 1, and tripped up for another 1.  Second rollup gets 2before Michelle finally nails her.  Mickie goes for a crucifix, but Michelle back her to the corner to break it and then drops a knee for 1.  Michelle goes to work on the back for a bit until Mickie makes a comeback, but ends up running into a backbreaker for 2.  Mickie then gets a cradle for a 2 of her own, but ends up getting tossed and sent to the barrier.  Michelle misses a running knee, and then Mickie connects with a headscissors followed by a Thesz press off the apron.  Back in, Layla tries a distraction, but Mickie no sells it and hits another Thesz press and then a dropkick for 2.  Two clotheslines and a forearm follow.  She knocks Michelle down and goes up, but Layla shoves her off.  Mickie nails her and then causes Michelle to run into her and knock her to the floor.  Mickie gets a quick rollup for a close 2, but then gets up right into a kick from Michelle and that gets the 3 count to retain at 7:32.  Michelle is okay by Divas standards, but not head and shoulders above the rest as her push would suggest, and I don’t really get the appeal of her.  And I mentioned it at the beginning, but still, poor Mickie.  *1/2

WWE Championship Tables Match: John Cena vs. Sheamus

Well, in the time since Survivor Series, Sheamus has been built up relatively well.  I wasn’t sold on him as a challenger originally, but it is good that it’s not one of the usual suspects and there are certainly worse choices.  Cena attacks, ramming Sheamus to the buckle and nailing the bulldog.  Corner whip sees Sheamus get the elbow up and nail a clothesline.  He then hits a suplex and drops a knee.  He goes for a table, which by the way are all under the ring with none pre set, but Cena stops him and rams him to the announce table three times.  To the barrier is next, but Sheamus turns the tide and sends him to the post.  Whip to the steps is reversed however and Sheamus hits.  Cena successfully gets a table setup and puts Sheamus on it, but Sheamus rolls off before Cena can put him through.  Sheamus then attacks, dropping some knees to the back and hitting a powerslam.  He gets Cena on the apron in front of the table on the floor and almost gets Cena down, but Cena hangs on.  Cena sets up the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus escapes and rams him to the buckle.  They fight outside near the table again with both guys teasing a big move through it, but not being able to get it.  They fight up the ramp and Cena suplexes him on the steel.  He then grabs the table and picks it up to take an overhead swing with it, but Sheamus moves.  That was kind of goofy as the table is so big and awkward that it can only be swung like that in slow motion.  They brawl back to ringside through the crowd and Cena clotheslines him back over the barrier.  Cena sets another table on the floor, but gets back in the ring and walks into the Irish Curse Kick.  Now Sheamus sets the table in the corner of the ring and sets Cena up like he did Mark Cuban last week, but Cena comes out with a sunset flip, which saves himself, but there’s obviously no pinfalls here.  He goes for the STF, but Sheamus escapes.  Cena does get the double shoulderblocks and the Protobomb, followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Sheamus is dazed, but has the presence of mind to realize that a table in the corner benefits Cena now much more then it benefits himself, so he dumps it to the outside which is a cool moment.  Cena indeed follows up with the AA, but with no table there he can’t win it.  So now he has to stop and get a table and set it up, which he does.  He sets up for another AA from the top through the table, but can’t hold him up.  They trade blows and Cena appears to try for a superplex instead, but gets shoved off and goes through the table to end it at 16:24.  Sheamus is the new WWE Champion, which is something I really didn’t believe they would pull the trigger on so the genuinely surprised me.  The match was alright as most of it was brawling which both of these guys are better at anyways than wrestling.  Another cool touch was that they found some kids in the crowd decked out in their John Cena merchandise, who were practically crying at the result.  It’s still real to them damnit.  **1/2

World Heavyweight Championship Chairs Match: The Undertaker vs. Dave Batista

Having left Rey behind, Batista has his sights squarely locked on the World Heavyweight Championship and gets his shot here having beaten Kane in a number one contenders match.  He goes for a chair right away, but Taker stops him.  They then fight over one on a floor for a bit before getting back in.  Taker hits a clothesline and stomps away.  Corner whip leads to Batista getting the elbow up and hitting a clothesline for 1.  Taker pulls him to the floor and sends him to the steps.  He gets a chair, but Batista kicks it away and runs Taker to the apron.  Whip is reversed and puts Batista over and into the timekeepers’ pit.  Taker stops to toss some chairs in the ring before going back at Batista, but misses the boot and hits the barrier.  Batista gets in our first chairshot and then chokes Taker with it.  Another chair misses and he hits the post with it which sets up Taker booting him on the apron and dropping the leg for 2.  He sets up Old School, but gets crotched and then Batista gets a superplex for 2.  Now he wants a Batista Bomb on a chair, but Taker backdrops out of it.  They trade shots and then Taker gets sent off the ropes into a spinebuster for 2.  Batista wedges a chair in the corner, but nothing comes of it yet.  Taker comes back with a flying clothesline and goes for Old School again, but hits it this time.  He follows with Snake Eyes, but Batista explodes out of the corner with a spear for 2.  He then hits a spinebuster on a chair, but out of nowhere Taker hooks him with Hell’s Gates.  The announcers point out that it’s not fully applied and sure enough Batista makes the ropes.  Batista goes to the floor and nails Taker with a chair from there.  In the ring he misses a charge and hits the chair in the corner from earlier.  Taker gets a clothesline from that for 2.  Chokeslam hits and gets another 2.  He sets up for the Tombstone, but Batista escapes, shoves Taker into the referee to put him out of position and then nails a low blow.  Chairshot follows and gets the pin to give Batista the World Heavyweight Championship at 14:44.  But wait!  Teddy Long comes out and says he can’t let the Title change hands like this so he restarts the match.  The odd part here is that he never actually mentions that he’s starting it up again because of the low blow, so if you were there live and didn’t catch that it may have been confusing.  Also, isn’t the Hell’s Gates still illegal?  Why didn’t anyone say anything about that?  I guess it didn’t lead to the finish, but still.  So Batista gets back in the ring where Taker boots a chair in his face.  He then nails Batista with it and hits the Tombstone for the pin at 15:13 to retain the Title after all.  Unfortunately the nature of the finish they booked meant that they couldn’t do anything else that was illegal in the match to make it interesting and being handcuffed like that did not help things.  *1/2

Kofi Kingston is warming up when Legacy comes in and to try and intimidate him, but instead Kofi just blows them off and goes straight to Orton himself to tell him what he thinks of the situation.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

Up to and including Survivor Series, they did a really good job building this up, but since then they’ve managed to generate less interest in this match by the week.  They go with some mat wrestling to open things up and right off the bat this match has no heat.  Granted they are also in a bad position on the card, but the botched buildup is probably a bigger factor.  Orton works him over in the corner and then whips him across, but Kofi gets the boot up.  He charges out into a powerslam that gets Orton 2 and then Orton goes to a rear chinlock.  Kofi escapes to a rollup for 2 and then hits a Russian legsweep, but Orton rolls out to avoid the Boom Drop.  Kofi follows and then springs up to the top for a dive, but Orton catches him with a dropkick coming down and Kofi lands on the steps.  He’s selling the ribs so Orton drops him on the barrier.  In the ring, he gets 2 and then continues the assault with stomps to the midsection for another 2.  He drops him on the ropes and then drops a knee for 2.  He takes too much time setting up though and Kofi comes back with the SOS out of nowhere for 2.  Clothesline to the floor sets up a suicide dive and then back in the ring he gets a crossbody off the top for 2.  He follows with chops and a clothesline.  His corner whip is reversed, but he leaps up and comes off with a clothesline for 2.  Orton catches him with the backbreaker, but again spends too much time setting up and eats a dropkick.  Boom Drop hits, as does Trouble in Paradise, but Orton grabs the ropes at 2.  He rolls to the floor so Kofi has to drag him back in, but then takes advantage and nails the hanging DDT.  Orton sets up for the punt, which Kofi blocks with his arm, but he sells it like it’s been broken.  Orton targets it with a single arm DDT.  Kofi comes back with a desperation try for TIP, but Orton ducks and then finishes with the RKO at the unlucky time of 13:13.  Cole tries to sell that even in defeat, Kofi proved he belongs at Orton’s level, but really we had Orton get out of the finisher and beat him clean, so that’s not a good sign for him.  Time will tell, but this experiment could be over.  They were also suggesting that this sets Orton up for a Title shot.  **1/2

Batista confronts Teddy Long about how he’d better make things right or the next time he swings a chair it will be at Long’s head.  Teddy looks terrified so it would seem Batista will get the next shot at Taker as well.

Main Event, Unified Tag Team Championship TLC Match: Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. Triple H & Shawn Michaels

Wow, the Tag Team Titles get to main event a PPV again.  They start off with a shoving match that quickly breaks down to a brawl as Shawn/Jericho and Show/HHH pair off.  Show whips HHH to the barrier, but charges and ends up going over.  A table gets setup against the barrier at the other end, but they end up brawling away into the crowd for a bit while Shawn and Jericho go in the ring.  Jericho gets another table setup but can’t suplex Shawn through it.  Back in the ring they go at it with Shawn countering an attempt at the Walls and hitting an inverted atomic drop and a slam.  He goes up, but the elbow hits knees.  Jericho goes for a ladder, but sees HHH working over Show up near the set so he goes there to make the save with a chair.  HHH foils him though and sets up for a Pedigree, but Jericho backdrops out.  Shawn joins the party with a chair of his own leading to a duel with Jericho won by Shawn, but he ends up getting nailed by Show anyways.  Jericho and Show go back to the ring and get a ladder, but Shawn and HHH are quickly back there.  HHH works over Jericho and nails him with the ladder.  They then suplex it onto Jericho and also take out Show with it.  Cole notes at this point that Shawn and HHH can win the first Tag Team Titles in the history of DX, so adjust your WWE Approved History Textbooks accordingly by erasing any references to the New Age Outlaws.  Shawn climbs, but Show makes the save and then goes to work on HHH.  Jericho comes back as well and a double team ensues.  He baseball slides the ladder into Shawn and then bulldogs HHH on it.  They then set it in the corner and hang HHH upside down by the leg.  Shawn gets whipped into him and then Show splashes him before he finally gets free.  Jericho goes to whip him to it again, but it’s reversed and he goes over and out.  Show misses a charge and takes a facebuster, and then gets hit with the ladder.  HHH then tosses it at Jericho on the floor, but that lets Show recover.  He sets up HHH for a chokeslam, but HHH counters to a DDT.  Shawn drops the top rope elbow and sets up Sweet Chin Music, but Jericho returns and gets him with the Codebreaker.  HHH gets Jericho with a spinebuster, but then takes a spear from Show.  Since he’s the only one left, Show sets up a ladder and c l i m b s…  v e r y…  s l o w l y… until HHH returns with a chair and nails him.  This just makes Show angry though, so he punches the chair back in HHH’s face.  He climbs again, but both of DX are there now and they tip the ladder over on him.  HHH hits the Pedigree and Show goes to the floor.  Shawn climbs now, but Jericho tips him over and he falls to the floor where he’s caught by Show and they both go down.  Jericho climbs and keeps kicking HHH off, but HHH finally takes him down with a powerbomb.  That makes it HHH’s turn to climb, until Show chokeslams him off.  Show then breaks the ladder for some reason before going to work on HHH again.  Jericho gets another ladder and the champs sandwich DX inside it and beat it with a chair.  Show rips the ladder apart as well before they toss Shawn and HHH to the floor.  Show puts them both through the table setup on the barrier earlier on and he and Jericho seemingly have a shot at the belts.  Jericho is trying to climb the half ladder but obviously can’t balance it.  So he gets on Show’s shoulders and tries for the belts while struggling to balance, but back comes DX to catch them in this compromising position.  Shawn hits Show with SCM which sends Jericho outside and he was probably supposed to go through the table that was there but he didn’t quite clear the top rope completely and kind of just hit the edge of it.  A second SCM and a clothesline with the ladder put Show down for good and that leaves HHH to hold the ladder while Shawn climbs to retrieve the belts for the win at 22:32.  The reaction isn’t even that over the top considering this is Shawn’s hometown and all, but it’s still a good one.  I don’t know where you go with the Tag Titles from here as Shawn and HHH came right out and said that they don’t matter.  I presume a short run and a huge screwjob to get the belts off of them, but I don’t know who it’s going to be as Jericho and Show appear to be done as a team after this week’s Raw.  With the news of Bret Hart signing they could go the direction of DX/Hart Dynasty, but that would require Bret to be a heel and I’m not sure I see them going that direction.  As for the match itself, it was very different then the opener, with less crazy spots and more storytelling, which is good and I think that the two matches were pretty much on par but I liked Christian/Shelton a bit better so it gets the extra ¼* to edge this one out for match of the night.  ***1/2

Final Thoughts: Okay, so that’s TLC, our final PPV of not only the year, but the decade as well.  It was a pretty good show as nothing sucked, or was even really too far below average for that matter.  The ladder matches led the way, which is pretty much what I expected coming in, plus we had a legitimate cool surprise of Sheamus walking out as the new WWE champion.  It was also a very wrestling oriented show as everything else was minimized save for three quick backstage segments, all of which added to the show rather than just being something to waste time or amuse Vince.  The only real low point for me was the complete lack of logic in the finish to Undertaker/Batista, but that’s not really that big of a deal.  I’m going to go Thumbs Up for TLC, and it gets a recommendation as a good little WRESTLING show void of the crap that you usually find on the TV shows.

After Sheamus’ stunning victory for the WWE Championship this past Sunday, I thought it might be fun to take a look at some of the other fastest ascents to the top of the mountain in WWE history. Although many are protesting that Sheamus has won the title too soon, it may come as a surprise to find out that his is not the shortest run to the title in history. Here I present the list of those men that I believe to be the top eleven quickest world champions in WWE history, although one or two of them, as you will see, are somewhat arguable. I am here counting the number of days it took each of these men, starting from their television debut, to win the championship. I’ll count down in reverse order.

11: Bob Backlund. Later to become known for antics so wild and crazy that many fans remain unsure just what is a work and what isn’t, when he made his debut on February the 8^th1977, Bob Backlund was the classic all-American babyface. An accomplished amateur wrestler (he was an NCAA Division II Champion), Backlund had become known for a clean, technical wrestling style and had already found a fair amount of success, and championship belts, in various other territories. Backlund was the perfect foil for the rule-breaking champion “Superstar” Billy Graham. It was not much more than a year later, just 377 days after his debut, that Backlund defeated Graham to begin his reign as the 7^th WWWF Champion. And what a reign it was! Glossing over a couple of dubious decisions that are not recognized by the WWE, Backlund was champ for almost six years and faced practically everybody who was anybody in the business at the time, including a string of “Champion vs Champion” matches that pitted him against NWA Champions Harley Race and Ric Flair, and AWA Champion Nick Bockwinkel. He even found time to team with Pedro Morales and win the tag team championships! Finally, The Iron Sheik was victorious where so many had failed, defeating Backlund with his notorious Camel Clutch when Backlund’s manager, Arnold Skaaland, threw in the towel. Backlund would famously return to the company and capture a shocking second championship from Bret Hart eleven years later.

10: The Undertaker. Debuting at the 1990 Survivor Series, The Undertaker took just 370 days, barely over one calendar year, to capture the biggest prize in the company. Now, over nineteen years since his debut, it is difficult to remember the wrestling landscape without the Deadman but back then, this character was a major gamble. Although the World Wrestling Federation was the home of larger than life, outlandish characters, The Undertaker, with his supernatural trappings, represented a leap into the unknown even for them. Add to that the fact that Mark Calaway was yet to really step into main-event level wrestling and the nature of the gamble becomes clear. Of course, the gimmick was actually insanely popular right from the word go, to the extent that Pat Patterson recalled that he was actually surprised that it took as long as it did for The Undertaker to reach the top! Making all of this more impressive was the fact ‘Taker won the title from Hulk Hogan himself, something few people could boast. Sure, it was a crooked win, and Hogan took the title back six days later but the fact remained: hardly a year into his wrestling career, The Undertaker had defeated the Immortal one and reached the top of the mountain.

9: Kurt Angle. If ever a wrestler had seemed destined to be WWE Champion it had to be Kurt Angle. After he won his Olympic Gold Medal in the 1996 Atlanta games, Angle found himself pursued by the WWE. However, at that point he wanted to try other career options and, when he contacted them again a couple of years later, he found that interest had cooled somewhat. Once they got him in developmental, however, that all changed! From the moment he made his debut at the 1999 Survivor Series it was clear that Angle had it all. His sense of entitlement, due to his amateur credentials, his infuriating smugness and his winning streak made him hated heel almost instantly and, as time wore on, and Angle resorted to ever more desperate means to preserve his unbeaten run, he became ever more hated. It was at No Mercy 2000, just 343 days into his WWE career, that Angle won the Championship from The Rock, ironically, the man who had handed Angle his very first pinfall loss. Once at the top, Angle never looked back. That first title reign saw successful defences against The Undertaker and Triple H, but the high point of it had to be the six man Hell in a Cell match at Armageddon, where Angle successfully held off the challenges of Rikishi, Triple H, The Undertaker, The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. It really doesn’t get any bigger or better than that. Although Angle dropped the title back to The Rock at No Way Out 2001, just about four months after winning it, it hardly mattered. Kurt Angle had established himself as one of the top pro wrestlers in the business, which is what he has remained ever since.

8: The Big Show. Paul Wight came to the WWE in 1999 already a former world champion with victories over Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, thanks to his days in WCW, so it is hardly surprising that he found himself champ before the year was out, after a mere 273 days. Subbing in for the run-over Stone Cold Steve Austin in a triple threat match against Triple H and The Rock, Show could hardly have asked for a better way to become champion. However, his title reign would be somewhat anticlimactic. His only pay per view title defence came against The Big Boss Man at Armageddon the next month, in one of WWE’s more tasteless storylines. However, this match actually took place on the lower card, as the main event went to Triple H and Vince McMahon’s street fight. Show also made successful defences against The British Bulldog, Kane and Triple H, before Triple H finally got the job done on the first Raw of 2000. Still, a genuinely gigantic man, Big Show is the very definition of “over without the belt” and will remain a big star as long as he wants to be.

7: Kane. Kane’s meteoric rise to the top is somewhat arguable due to the fact that his debut was not actually his debut. Glenn Jacobs had actually signed with the WWE in 1995 and had competed as Jerry Lawler’s psychotic dentist Isaac Yankem and the fake Diesel in two very forgettable gimmicks. However, the character Kane, although teased for some time beforehand, did not make his televised debut until Badd Blood, on October the 5^th 1997. Just 247 days later, at King of the Ring 1998, Kane was WWE Champion. Kane’s rapid ascent to the top was perhaps unsurprising given that, unlike most wrestlers, Kane was brought in as a main-event wrestler from the word go. His gimmick, as The Undertaker’s brother, meant that he was starting at the top. Kane, of course, would famously hold his championship for only one day, losing it back to Steve Austin the next night on Raw in what was regarded as one of the classic matches in Raw history. However, although Kane may not have reached such dizzy heights again, he has remained a serious player in the WWE. Although it is beginning to seem unlikely now, another title reign is not yet out of the question for the Big Red Monster.

6: Goldberg. Bill Goldberg differs from most of the men mentioned so far on this list because, when he reached the WWE in 2003, he was already an established main-event wrestler and former World Champion from his WCW days. Indeed, although he took only 174 days to take the World Heavyweight Championship from Triple H at Unforgiven, most critics argued that, if anything the WWE had waited too long to push him to the top! One can also argue that Goldberg does not belong on this list because he never won the WWE Championship; personally, I think it’s clear that the WWE themselves regard the two titles as largely interchangeable, and therefore I see it as a rather pedantic point. Regardless of that, Goldberg’s run as champ in WWE was largely regarded as a disappointment. Whether one blames him for not adapting to the WWE style, or them for not booking him correctly, this title run did not even come close to matching his WCW achievements. It was barely three months later, at Armageddon when Triple H reclaimed his belt. By Wrestlemania 20, it was known that Goldberg was leaving the WWE. The man who had once been one of the biggest draws in the wrestling business left it, to a general response of apathy.

5: Sheamus. Well, we all know this story, don’t we? Sheamus’ victory over John Cena at TLC came just 166 days after the Irishman made his WWE television debut on ECW. Sheamus’ elevation in itself was not a surprise, but its speed has been, largely because he has only been booked with mid-card talent until, suddenly, he finds himself number one contender and champion all in the space of a fortnight. Where this will lead, we cannot say. I myself have been a fan of Sheamus’ for years, so I have every confidence that he will go on to be a long-term player in the company. However, nothing is guaranteed in this business.

4: Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar burst onto the scene on the Raw immediately following Wrestlemania 18 and was booked as an unstoppable force from the get go. By the time he defeated The Rock for the championship at Summerslam 2002, he had only been appearing on TV for 160 days! In that time he had accumulated a number of victories, most notably over Hulk Hogan, who he had supposedly retired. Lesnar’s first title reign was memorable for several reasons. Firstly, it saw the beginning of the Raw and Smackdown separate championships system that has persisted to this day. Secondly, because Lesnar turned babyface simply by being so brutal and destructive that people began to like and respect him for it. When, at Survivor Series, he lost the title to The Big Show, his awesome feats of strength displayed in suplexing and throwing the giant around, before finally lifting him to his shoulders for the F5, something which, at that point, had not been done before, meant that he was firmly established as a crowd favourite. Sadly, Lesnar’s heart was not in the business, otherwise who knows what he might have achieved?

3: Yokozuna. Yokozuna’s 144 day sprint to the top represents the fastest journey from TV debut to WWE champion of anybody who was not already established as a main-event star when they joined the company. Making his first televised appearance on October the 31^st, his rise was even more astonishing than that of Sheamus and Lesnar, as Yokozuna won the Royal Rumble less than three months into his WWE career! Playing the typically anti-American foreign heel, Yokozuna was billed as a Japanese sumo wrestler when he was, in fact, Samoan wrestler Rodney Anoa’i, nephew of Wild Samoans Afa and Sika and cousin of Rikishi. However, if one thinks that Kane’s title reign, at one day, was brief, Yokozuna’s was real blink and you’ll miss it stuff! At Wrestlemania 9, Yokozuna, as Royal Rumble winner, took on then-champion Bret Hart, and defeated him after Mr Fuji, managing Yokozuna, threw salt in the face of Hart. The evil duo had little time to celebrate, however, as Hulk Hogan came storming to the ring. A challenge was made and answered, a match quickly set up and, before you knew it, Hulk Hogan was champion for the 5^th time! It wasn’t all bad for Yokozuna, however. He would remain a top villain for some time, regaining the title at King of the Ring and holding it for an impressive 280 days. A memorable run with Owen Hart as tag champions also came. Sadly, however, Yokozuna’s weight just kept increasing. WWE could not use him anymore he proved unable to drop the excess weight. He passed away, aged just 34, in October 2000.

2: Ric Flair. The Nature Boy Ric Flair entered the WWE in 1991 calling himself the “real world’s champion” and it wasn’t long before he could call himself WWE Champion – just 132 days, in fact. Flair, of course, was already a legendary figure and multiple time NWA Champion, so it was merely a matter of when, not if, he won the title. Nevertheless, his title reign was remarkable for a couple of reasons. Firstly, Flair won the title as a result of winning the Royal Rumble match itself, the only time that this has ever happened. Secondly, Flair won the match from number three, going nearly an hour, which, at the time, was a record-setting performance. Flair did not hold the title for an especially long time, losing it to Randy Savage at Wrestlemania. He would regain the title once before returning to WCW.

1: Hulk Hogan. No surprise to find the Hulkster’s name at the top of a wrestling list. This one, however, is somewhat disputable. Hogan made his second televised debut for the WWE on December the 27^th 1983 and won the championship from The Iron Sheik a mere 27 days later! However, Hogan had wrestled in the WWE before, in 1979, for around a year, albeit as a heel managed by Freddie Blassie, rather than the babyface who won the title in 1984. Even adding all that time together, however, Hogan’s rise was rapid. In the meantime, he had been a big star both in New Japan and the AWA. Indeed, legend has it that, so distraught was he to lose Hogan to Vince McMahon, Verne Gagne offered The Iron Sheik a considerable sum of money to legitimately break Hogan’s leg in their title match. Whether this is true or not is another matter entirely. Whatever the case, this was the title reign that started it all: Hulkamania, Wrestlemania, Rock ‘n’ Wrestling and so on. Hogan would hold the title for over four years on this occasion and, even when he finally lost it, he did so only be way of a screwy finish and a vacated title. I should also point out that The Iron Sheik also won the title in short order, just weeks after debuting in 1983. However, like Hogan, Sheik had worked for WWE back in 1979. Unlike Hogan, he had been using the same character and gimmick back then, which is why I excluded him from this list.

TLC Results

Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian
ECW Title (Ladder Match)
Results : Christian wins the ladder match over Shelton Benjamin to retain the ECW Championship.

Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison
Intercontinental Title match
Winner: Drew McIntyre wins via pinfall over John Morrison to become the new Intercontinental Champion.

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool Womens Title match
Winner: Michelle McCool wins via pinfall over Mickie James to retain the WWE Womens Championship.

Sheamus vs. John Cena WWE Title (Tables Match)
Winner: Sheamus wins the Table match against John Cena to become the new WWE Champion.

Batista vs. The Undertaker
World Championship (Chair Match)
Winner: The Undertaker wins via pinfall over Batista to retain the World Heavyweight Title.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
Winner: Randy Orton wins via pinfall over Kofi Kingston.

D-Generation X vs Chris Jericho & Big Show
Unified Tag Team titles (TLC Match)
Winners: D-Generation X wins the TLC match over Chris Jericho & Big Show to win the Unified Tag team Championship belts.

Found a new one for ya, it’s working as of 125 pm…

Sorry some of the video’s I posted stopped working.

Cheers!

WWE Monday Night RAW: December 14, 2009

After a very impressive PPV last night, and some new stars at the top, tonight should be a very interesting Monday Night Raw. Tonight is the Slammy Awards hosted by one of my favorite comedians, Dennis Miller, and the preview says there is a 4 man tournament tonight, which I assume the finals will be Cena v. Undertaker since there is no way Vince can wait till Wrestlemania for that. So let’s get on with the show.

We open the show with a preview of tonight’s Slammy Awards, and surprisingly no recap of the PPV. I assume that’ll come later, unless they plan to overturn the Sheamus win, which I can see happening. RAW is live and we have Undertaker v. Orton & Cena v. Punk, winners face each other for the Superstar of the year. Like CM Punk has a chance in hell of winning that.

1. Justin Roberts introduces our host for tonight, the great Dennis Miller. This guy is so cool and funny; when he left SNL is when I pretty much stopped watching. Dennis says after the pyro went off he’s deaf and incontinent. Dennis makes some jokes about the awards, Vickie Guerrero and D-X jokes. I think some of Dennis’ jokes are a little over the head of the crowd and especially Michael Cole. They show a picture of Cena & Obama and the crowd boos, and Dennis says one went thru a table, and one has brought nothing to a table. Dennis plugs the Tribute to the Troops show and his organization, which was pretty classy and cool. Dennis introduces our first presenters Jillian Hall, who looks amazing tonight, and R-Truth. Jillian is in a very nice black dress, and has a nice pair…of Slammy Awards! They are presenting the tag team of the year, I vote for Jillian for best tag team!!! Jillian tries to sing, and R-Truth cuts her off and tells her to shut up, what a jerk. Nominees for Tag Team, D-X (who probably wins), Legacy, Hart Dynasty (who I’d like to see win) & Jerishow (who should win). Jillian announces the winner is Jerishow! Nice to see the team who deserves it most wins, maybe this isn’t all kayfabed, sucks they lost the titles last night. Jericho is the most entertaining part of the WWE right now. Jericho says were you expecting someone else? He continues by saying he could feign surprise, but why bother. Jericho says he wants to thank two people, the cowardly Edge for getting injured, and himself, for choosing Big Show as his partner. Big Show says the microphone is made for shorter people as he has to lean over to talk. Show says he will retain, Jericho corrects him with regain, the tag titles in the near future. Chris says he is invoking their rematch clause tonight. We get the same three man team from last night, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole and Matt Striker. The go over the recap of last night’s PPV and Sheamus’ shocking win. Matt Striker says Tiffany and Teddy Long will present an award later tonight. We get the vote for diva of the year promo, I voted for Mickie of course!

2. Ruthless Roundtable v. Christian, Kane & Great Khali. William Regal, Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov in the ring and Regal has the microphone. Regal says despite what happened last week, they are on the same team tonight and he challenges Christian and two others for a match tonight. Christian comes out limping and introduces his tag team partners, let me guess Kane & Knox, and I was half right! I’m in the minority but I’m glad to see Khali back, I’m his only fan but I think he’s awesome. We start with Kozlov & Khali, Kozlov goes for a kick and Khali pushes him back, Kozlov goes for a takedown and a series of head butts, Khali catches him with a big boot. Kozlov takes in Zeke, who gets taken down and Christian comes in from the top rope with a crossbody. Christian nails Regal, but gets caught by Zeke with a backbreaker; Regal gets tagged in and gets pounded by William. Christian hits a forearm to make the tag to Kane, who destroys Regal with the side slam. Kane up top and hits the flying lariat for a near fall, as Kozlov break the pin and Zeke in, clotheslining Kane down and Kozlov tags himself in and eats a boot. Khali tagged in, hits the chop for the win. 3.25/5 I enjoyed the match, but I like 5 out of 6 of these guys, so I’m biased. Still a nice opening match. We go back to Dennis Miller who introduces Tiffany & Teddy Long for Breakout Star of the year. Tiffany looking good in a red dress, very hot! Nominees are Drew McIntyre, Sheamus (who should/will win), and Yoshi Tatsu & Abraham Washington. The winner is the new WWE champion, Sheamus! Sheamus comes out to a chorus of boos, and says now people should take him seriously. Sheamus says he beat Cena and put him through the table, as the crowd starts the stupid “What” chant, as Sheamus goes over the Hall of Famers who never won a title. Sheamus proudly holds the title high as the fans chant “you suck”; he says Cena will never get the title back. We go to commercial and come back to Cole & Lawler kissing John Cena’s ass, as Striker tells them to put on an orange shirt and shut up. We get a promo of the other 3 in the running for Superstar of the year, which Punk should win.

3. Cody Rhodes v. Kofi Kingston. This should be a good match, as Cody has improved so much since his teaming with Hardcore Holly. I love that Kofi lost night and still has that big grin, does have any idea he lost? Kofi has his shoulder heavily bandaged after blocking the punt; the crowd is chanting Cody which is surprising. They start out in the ropes and Cody goes for the arm, but Kofi gets out of the way. Kofi with a shoulderblock, which hurt him, Kofi hits a nice dropkick and the jumping lariat, then the boom drop as DiBiase makes the run in and out comes Evan Bourne, as we probably get a tag match now, otherwise this is a DUD. Dennis Miller comes out and says he got a Slammy for best Guest Host for restarting the match as a tag match, just like I figured. Kofi & Bourne dive on Legacy as we go to commercial; we come back to DiBiase with an arm bar on Kingston. DiBiase works over the arm, and tags in Rhodes who nails the arm and tags Ted back in. Kofi tries to fight back with one arm and gets taken down again. Striker makes a Marine joke about DiBiase as Cole plugs the Marine 2. Legacy continues to work over the arm over Kofi Kingston with a series of quick tags. Kofi finally makes the tag to Evan Bourne who hits a nice Hurricanrana and spin kick on Rhodes, followed by the knee drop in mid air. Kofi and DiBiase on the floor as Evan then kicked Cody Rhodes to the ropes. Rhodes counters and hits Cross Rhodes for the win. 2.75/5 quick paced tag match, glad they made it a tag match instead of just ending there. Dennis Miller apologizes for the show open and says he should just come out and yell suck it! He introduces the presenters of Santino Marella & Vickie Guerrero; this should be comedy gold as they present the Shocker of the Year. Nominees are Randy Orton DDTs Stephanie (should win), Batista’s heel turn (will win), CM Punk retires Jeff Hardy & Sheamus putting Cubin throw the table. CM Punk wins; I’m surprised as I thought Batista would get it. CM Punk comes out proudly and gets cut off for commercial. We come back to CM Punk’s speech as he insults the crowd, and says he wants to thank himself for having a great year as he goes over his accomplishments for this year. He forgets to mention, he’s made Festus entertaining!

4. CM Punk v. John Cena. Yeah, like Punk has chance of winning this match! John Cena comes out and the crowd cheers, I can’t for the life of me figure out why. We start out as Cena knocks down Punk, Punk returns with a series of knee lifts. Punk hits the knee to the corner/bulldog combo for a near fall. Punk locks in the arm bar, and Cena powers out, kicking Punk, Punk counters to the GTS, Cena reverses to the STF. Punk almost makes the ropes, and Cena pulls him back and locks it back in for a quick win. DUD way to squash Punk, what a waste of time that was. Way to not even give Punk a chance in this match, why he’s in the dog is beyond me. Someone please gag the idiot that keeps screaming, she’s driving me nuts. Cena does the usual crying after losing the title as he apologizes for failing last night. I think Cena fails as a wrestler, he’s overrated and undertalented, he doesn’t deserve to be where he is in the business while guys like Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas & William Regal get no respect. Cena says people may have lost faith in him, but he says that’s ok, and to those who still believes he says he won’t give up. Cena says his road to Wrestlemania starts tonight, and he can’t be stopped. Cena steals Swagger’s gimmick by saying he won’t lose another match, of course you won’t, because you’re Vince’s cash cow. We go back to Dennis Miller, who thanks the WWE for the Tribute to the Troops. Dennis introduces Triple H to present the Match of the Year. Triple gets Dennis Miller’s name wrong and says D-X will defend the titles tonight. Nominees are Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels (will win), John Cena v. Randy Orton, Jeff Hardy v. Edge (should win), Raw v. Smackdown 14 man tag match. Shawn v. Undertaker wins, of course, and Shawn comes out. It was only a good match because the rest of the show sucked. I say Edge/Hardy was ten times better then that match and truly deserves it. Triple H says he had to follow the match, and didn’t stand a chance. That’s because Triple H/Orton at Mania was horrible, as was the rest of Wrestlemania. Shawn is out to brag about the match, but why not Undertaker? Shawn grabs the award, and starts to leave as the fans chant “HBK”; Shawn challenges Undertaker to a rematch. Shawn says he can beat Undertaker and wants a rematch at Wrestlemania 26, let’s hope not.

5. Undertaker v. Randy Orton. I still say Undertaker wins this match, to set up Cena/Undertaker main event tonight. Don’t know if that will be better then Orton v. Cena match number 2753, but at least it’s fresh. Undertaker starts out with a shoulderblock and goes for Old School, which is countered by Orton. Cole & Lawler ignore Striker who says Batista should be the champ, and I agree, and I hate Batista as much as I hate Cena. Both men slug it out and Taker with an advantage, as he hits Snake Eyes and Big Boot combo, as Cole yells out vintage. Taker gets a near fall and goes for the Chokeslam, Orton counters and clotheslines Taker over the top rope, both men outside the ring. Undertaker hits the apron leg drop on Randy Orton, who gets distracted by Legacy. Orton hits an RKO on Undertaker outside the ring and Orton slides in the ring for the win. DUD another complete waste of time, these matches have sucked so far. Legacy roll Undertaker back in and start yelling at him, Undertaker takes Legacy out and chokeslams Orton. Undertaker stands over Orton, as we get Orton v. Cena tonight, yawn. We come back from commercial to Dennis Miller, who says we’re two hours into a seventeen hour show, it feels like it. Miller introduces Vince McMahon, whose music cuts off Dennis Miller’s jokes. Vince McMahon presents the Guest Host of the Year Award. Vince asks if the crowd is dead as he says the audience is lousy, no Vince the show has sucked so far. Nominees include Bob Barker (should win), Seth Green, Shaq (will win) & Osbournes. Vince announces Bob Barker wins the award, and he’s shown on the big screen. Bob says thanks to the RAW audience and he’s proud to have won the award and he had a great time being on RAW. He looked like he had a lot of fun when he was hosting, so I’m glad he won that, may have been the highlight of RAW. Vince asks Dennis who he’d name as Guest Host and Dennis replies with Bret “Hitman” Hart and the place erupts!!! Vince mentions the Montreal Screwjob and says he would not do it, Dennis asks the crowd and we get a hell yeah! Vince just walks off the stage, looking pretty pissed off. Wonder if we will ever get Bret as guest host, it’s been rumored for a while. After the commercial we get Dennis Miller backstage with Chris Jericho, who thanks Dennis for showing him respect. Dennis starts one of his legendary rants!!! I love it!!! Dennis calls Jericho a black hole and makes a Kayne/Taylor Swift joke. I hope Jerishow wins the belts back tonight, because RAW is going to suck without him.

6. D-X v. Jerishow. Jericho has his arm and leg both bandaged as Lawler mentions Little People Court, so we’re not letting that die? Jericho and Triple H start the match, and Triple H does a school boy push over on the ref, and that’s the match. DUD seriously, that’s the match. What the @%#^ was that, what a load of garbage if they don’t have the match. Triple H says that was your one rematch you get, so Jericho is done and needs to leave RAW now. This is the most ridiculous pile of crap I’ve ever seen, this show is failing fast. D-X calls out the D-X army of R-Truth, Hurricane, Finlay, Cryme Tyme, Christian and Shelton Benjamin. Jericho turns around to yell at the army and eats Sweet Chin Music, as he rolls out of the ring the D-X army pushes his up the ramp and out of the arena. We may have a new contender for worst episode of RAW ever, as we see Jericho being pushed out of the arena. Carlito, Chris Masters & Eve come out to present the Extreme Moment of the Year award, as Masters does his boob bounce move, I’d rather see Eve do that!!! Carlito says he can do it too as he asks Eve if she can do it, he says he’ll never know. Nominees are Kofi’s Boom Drop on Orton through the table (will win), Big Show throwing Cena through the light (should win), and Jeff Hardy dives on CM Punk & Triple H’s home invasion. Jeff Hardy wins in tonight’s WTF moment, as Matt accepts the award. Matt Hardy says Jeff is honored to have won the award, Carlito says he won, why Matt is accepting. Carlito clobbers Matt Hardy and accepts the award for him, as Carlito does a great acceptance speech as Eve takes the award. Masters locks Carlito in the Masterlock and throws him to Matt who knocks Carlito out. They then play the trailer for Marine 2, who cares?

7. The Miz, Zack Ryder & Drew McIntyre v. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu & Mark Henry. Well, I guess this is a way to get six guys on the show, as you know the matches have been so long tonight, yeah that’s sarcasm! Nice to see the young guys get some camera time; let’s hope for a good long match. Striker points out the mistake he made last night about the title changes in Texas, which I pointed out in my TLC recap!!! John Morrison lost his fur coat, looks strange without it. It looked well, until the introduced Mark Henry, the talent level took a huge drop just then. It’s cool seeing the IC and US champs on the same team. Mark Henry and Miz start up, as Mark Henry powers Miz up overhead and drops Miz. Henry tags in John Morrison who hits a side leg sweep on his former partner. John with the standing shooting star for a two count, Miz tags in Drew, John pulls him down and misses the run kick as Drew tags out to Ryder. Yoshi begs to be tagged in and John obliges. Zack whips Yoshi in and Tatsu with a shoulderblock, nice little sequence there, Tatsu with the kick for the three! 2/5 way to quick a match should’ve been a lot more time for this match, whatever, let’s just end this damn show now.

8. Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, and Maria & Bella Twins v. Michelle McCool, Layla, Rosa Mendes, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Maryse & Alicia Fox. I give this less than five minutes for this match, as the divas get no respect ever. All the girls are in evening gowns, so this means it won’t be long, Michelle has pick up Layla and help her in as her dress is too tight. I really don’t care anymore, as this is going to be quick but still painful. The bell rings and Rosa kicks Mickie to start and pulls her down, wonder if we get a slip like on TNA two weeks ago, Lawler hopes for a slip too. Mickie hits a Hurricanrana on Rosa and the DDT for the win. DUD what was the point of introducing 14 divas when only two were in the ring. This show is a complete and utter waste of ^$@#^ time. Goldust and MVP come out to introduce Diva of the Year, which Michelle probably wins. MVP announces the Slammy goes to Maria, what the hell, why? She’s been gone for months and done nothing, sure she’s hot, but she’s useless, might as well have been Rosa winning. To quote Bart Simpson, “I didn’t think it was possible to suck and blow at the same time”. Batista comes out and does a Kayne West thing to Maria, whatever. Dennis Miller introduces the next trainwreck, his words not mine, Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas and Big Dick Johnson, who announce the Oh My moment of the Year. Tony Atlas can’t stop laughing, which is making the show, which shows how bad this crap has been. Nominees are Chris Masters’ dancing pecs, Shawn superkicks a little girl (will win), Michael Cole puking & Santino gets pied (should win). Michael Cole win, and he jumps on Lawler and runs up the ramp, like the tool he is. Cole gives a stupid speech about JR, and Dennis Miller comes back out. Dennis says he has to take his eyes out with a power drill after seeing Bick Dick Johnson, got to agree. Eighteen minutes to go, I think I can, I think I can. We get some more D-X crap, which I fast forward, thankfully as I see Hornswoggle involved that saved me 5 minutes.

9. John Cena v. Randy Orton. Eleven minutes left, and I still see Sheamus losing the belt before we end. Cena starts out quick pounding Orton and hits a poor fisherman Suplex for a near count. Cena with a big slam and elbow drop, Cena misses a bulldog and Orton throws his out of the ring. John Cena rammed into the ring post by Orton and thrown back in the ring for a near fall. Orton stomps on Cena, as the announcers care as much as I do as they recap the Slammy winners and talk about Shawn challenging Undertaker. I’d love to see Orton score an upset, but so not happening. I can see why as Orton is still stomping on John and doing his facial expressions he does so well. Orton goes for a slam, Cena reverses into a bulldog, and Cena climbs the ropes and drops the leg for a near fall. Vintage Orton, as Cole says, with the backbreaker for another near fall. Cena tries to pull himself up and Orton punches him down, then a quick clothesline for a two count. Orton with a Garvin Stomp, can there be a stupid move in wrestling? Orton misses the knee drop and Cena with a pair of shoulderblocks, followed by the fistdrop. Cena goes for FU, countered to RKO, countered to STFU, countered again; Cena hits FU for a near fall. Orton rolls out of the ring, catching Cena with the DDT on the floor. Orton rolls Cena in and Cena of course kicks out as Orton continues the facial expressions. Orton readies for the punt kick and misses, Cena with the FU for the win. 2.5/5 well, was better than expected, but ended as expected. Sheamus appears on the ramp showing the title to John Cena as the show mercifully ends.

Match Recap

1. Christian, Kane & Great Khali beat Ruthless Roundtable 3.25/5
2. Legacy beat Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne 2.75/5
3. John Cena squashed CM Punk DUD
4. Randy Orton win via countout over Undertaker DUD
5. Jerishow beat D-X by disqualification DUD
6. Yoshi Tatsu, John Morrison & Mark Henry beat Miz, Drew McIntyre & Zack Ryder 2/5
7. Team Mickie beats Team Michelle in about a minute DUD
8. John Cena beats Randy Orton 2.5/5

Slammy recap

1. Tag Team presented by Jillian Hall & R-Truth, won by Jerishow
2. Teddy Long & Tiffany present Breakout Star of the year, won by Sheamus
3. Santino & Vickie present the Shocker of the Year, won by CM Punk
4. Triple H presents the Match of Year, which is won by Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels
5. Vince McMahon presents Guest Host of the Year, won by Bob Barker
6. Carlito, Chris Masters & Eve present the Extreme Moment of the Year, won by Jeff Hardy
7. Goldust & MVP announce Maria wins Diva of the Year
8. Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas & Big Dick present Oh My, won by Michael Cole
9. John Cena wins Superstar of the Year

What a horrible excuse for a show that was, it’s bad when Khali has match of the night. It was just three hours of crap and the matches were rushed, especially the diva match. I’m too fed to talk anymore about this show, bring on the good show, ECW. I give this show an F, worse than last week’s Impact, which sucked. Only good things were Dennis Miller and Bob Barker.

So tonight is the Slammy Awards and I figured I’d give my predictions. I debated between stating who I think should win and who I think will win. So, this is a combination, with me giving both who I think it should be and who I think it will be.

SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR
• The Undertaker
• John Cena
• Randy Orton
• CM Punk
Is there an option for none of the above? Punk would have been my choice until about September, when his push seems to have been seriously derailed. The Undertaker was gone half the year, so that leaves us the over-exposed duo of Orton and Cena. Ugh. I’ll go with Orton on this one, though I think that if the year had ended in September, Punk would have been a shoo-in.
Who Should Win: Randy Orton
Who Will Win: Randy Orton

EXTREME MOMENT OF THE YEAR
• Kofi Kingston lands a Boom Drop on Randy Orton at MSG
• Big Show chokeslams John Cena into arena spotlight at Backlash
• Jeff Hardy jumps from a ladder onto CM Punk at SummerSlam
• Triple H invades Randy Orton’s home
The Triple H moment is a rehash of an older Stone Cold storyline and thus shouldn’t count and I didn’t find the Kingston moment that extreme. I think it should be the Big Show chokeslamming John Cena, but it probably won’t be. It’ll probably be the Hardy ladder jump.
Who Should Win: Big Show chokesalms John Cena into arena spotlight at Backlash
Who Will Win: Jeff Hardy jumps from a ladder onto CM Punk at SummerSlam

SHOCKER OF THE YEAR
• Batista turns against former friend Rey Mysterio
• Randy Orton DDTs Stephanie and forces Triple H to watch
• CM Punk forces Jeff Hardy to retire after steel cage match victory
• Sheamus slams Raw host Mark Cuban through a table
This should be an obvious one. The Sheamus moment was ‘meh’ and while Hardy’s retirement and Batista’s heel turn had a bit of a OMG factor (more so the Batista turn, since it was well-reported that Hardy was leaving after SummerSlam), they couldn’t compare to the shock and horror of Randy Orton chaining Triple H to the ring, DDTing his wife and then kissing her. It was definitely the most stunning moment of the year.
Who Should Win: Orton DDTs Stephanie and forces Triple H to watch
Who Will Win: Orton DDTs Stephanie and forces Triple H to watch

MATCH OF THE YEAR
• Jeff Hardy vs. Edge ladder match at Extreme Rules
• Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania
• John Cena vs. Randy Orton “I Quit” match at Breaking Point
• Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown at Bragging Rights
I know I’m in the minority here, but I found the HBK/Undertaker match boring. It just didn’t do it for me. I found the Cena/Orton “I Quit” match to be much more compelling with it’s intensity. Still, the rest of the world loved the Wrestlemania match, so that’s what it’ll be, I’m sure.
Who Should Win: John Cena vs. Randy Orton “I Quit” match at Breaking Point
Who Will Win: Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania

THE “OH MY” MOMENT OF THE YEAR
• Chris Masters performs special “dancing pecs” routine for Osbournes
• Shawn Michaels superkicks little girl in cafeteria
• Michael Cole vomits on Chris Jericho at Smackdown’s 10th Anniversary
• Santino Marella accidentally nails Vickie Guerrero with a pie
Most of these were actually pretty funny and I’d be happy with any of them, actually. However the Chris Masters one was definitely the most memorable, so it would be my choice.
Who Should Win: Chris Masters performs special “dancing pecs” routine for Osbournes
Who Will Win: Chris Masters performs special “dancing pecs” routine for Osbournes

DIVA OF THE YEAR
• All divas are eligible. This is the only award that will be determined by fan voting.
Who’s the most popular diva? It seems to be Mickie James, so she’ll be the winner. I personally find all the divas pretty useless, so not a category I care about.
Who Should Win: No idea
Who Will Win: Mickie James

BREAKOUT STAR OF THE YEAR
• Yoshi Tatsu
• Drew McIntyre
• Sheamus
• Abraham Washington
I don’t watch ECW, so I don’t know who two of those guys are. I was a little confused by this category, because I expected to see Kofi Kingston, John Morrison and The Miz all nominated. I know that none of them debuted this year, but this is definitely the year they broke-out, however I guess the WWE and I have different ideas about how this category should work. Both McIntyre and Sheamus have gone through major pushes, so it definitely comes down to the two of them and while I like McIntyre better, I have to go with the new WWE champion.
Who Should Win: Drew McIntyre
Who Will Win: Sheamus

TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR
• Jerishow
• DX
• Legacy
• The Hart Dynasty
I love, love, love the Hart Dynasty and I adore Legacy, but neither of them has a chance. Honestly, Jerishow barely has a chance, no matter how dominant they’ve been. I think it should be Legacy, since they’ve been together the whole year and have come across as so strong (even though they never held the titles this year), but we all know who it will be. DX reunited this year, sold lots of merchandise and won the tag team titles and now they’ll be tag team of the year.
Who Should Win: Legacy
Who Will Win: DX

RAW GUEST HOST OF THE YEAR
• Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne
• Bob Barker
• Seth Green
• Shaquille O’Neal
I want it to be Seth Green, since he was my favourite non-wrestler guest host, but I know it won’t be. I was torn between Shaquille O’Neal or Bob Barker, since both were huge, but I think it’ll be Bob Parker since The Price is Raw was a huge hit and got some mainstream publicity, which is the point of the whole guest host concept.
Who Should Win: Seth Green
Who Will Win: Bob Barker

There you go, of the nine categories, my should and will picks line up only three times, but that’s because I tend to see things differently than the average wrestling fan and I know it. What can I say? I’m an original.

WWE TLC: December 13, 2009

Well, here we go with my first PPV recap, and it looks like it’s going to be interesting. In my week in review article I posted my predictions, let’s see how bad I do! This PPV looks like the old WCW PPVs, as the lower card matches (ECW, Divas, Kofi/Orton and IC) look great while the main events (World, WWE & Tag) look really bad. I can only hope Jerishow and Sheamus win. I was just working on my first big article for this site, which is comparing WWF 80’s to current product, and was mention how there is too many PPVs. This is proof right here, as we are only 3 weeks from the last PPV, which really doesn’t give us much buildup for the show. They need to give at least 6 week to build PPVs, and they need to cut back from the 12 down to at least 8 to make the PPVs seems important. Right now, they just feel like another show, and having a three hour RAW tonight, right after a three hour PPV just feels like overkill. I have no idea when I’ll get a chance to watch tonight’s RAW, but I actually look forward only for Dennis Miller. Anyway, time to focus on the PPV itself, so let’s get this bad boy underway!

I like how they’re going to have all these hardcore matches tonight, but no blood. That didn’t work very well with the Hell in the Cell matches, can’t see it working well in the TLC or Chair matches. We open with another generic rock song playing during the opening video, I hate the music they use on these PPVs, makes me miss the old 80’s Wrestlemania theme, more commonly known as the Linda McMahon theme! Michael Cole welcomes us to San Antonio, Texas for the 1st ever TLC PPV, wonder if he’ll say “vintage” soon! I still can’t believe he said “vintage Bragging Rights” at the first Bragging Rights PPV, he’s such a tool.

1. Christian v. Shelton Benjamin. Way to open the PPV with the best match of the night, well at least this will wake the crowd and get them fired up. Are those actually ladders and chairs hanging over the entrance way? That makes me nervous, like when they have the cage over the ring. Oh crap, Cole is doing the whole PPV along with Lawler and Striker. This is going to be a long night, Striker is the only I can tolerate of these three. At least he tries to put the match over, without saying stupid stuff like Cole or stupid jokes like Lawler. I think they should get Styles to come out and do the PPVs with Striker that would be great. We open with both men in the corner, and a clean break. The coveted ECW title, really Matt? Christian with a leap frog then a nice drop kick, and Christian then whips Shelton the corner and Shelton springboard into a forearm. Shelton goes for the ladder and Christian holds him back, Christian goes for the Unprettier and it’s blocked. Shelton goes for a ladder and Christian catches him from behind, now Christian has the big ladder, which falls and hits the steps. Christian whipped into the barricade and now Shelton grabs a ladder and starts to pull it in, but Christian with a springboard body block, very cool. Christian gets the ladder in the ring and sets it up; Christian starts the climb but Shelton from behind. Christian goes for a monkey flip, and Shelton lands on his feet and goes for the ladder. Christian throws Benjamin out and picks up the ladder, but Shelton sweeps his feet out and the ladder lands on Christian, who is busted open!!! Well, that’ll get him in a lot of trouble! Doctors come running out and stop the match to fix the cut, what a load of crap that is as the crowd turns on the match. Shelton has to just stand there and wait, which just killed the match dead now. The crowd starts the chant “We want blood” and I agree. This PPV just hit the wall already, not cool. Shelton on top of the ladder at ringside and Christian follows, Shelton pushes him off and hits a Swanton Bomb on Christian, very cool. Wonder how many times the doctors are going to have to run out, love the announcers saying it’s Texas Athletic Commission making that decision, bullcrap! Shelton sets the ladder between the announce table and the ring apron, and then gets whipped in and slides under. Shelton goes to slingshot Christian in, but Christian kicks Shelton into another ladder. Both men in the ring with a pair of ladders, Christian with one set up in the corner and Shelton whipped in, but reversed. Christian with a face full of ladder, Shelton sets Christian behind the ladder and goes for the splash but Christian throws the ladder at Shelton. Christian climbs the ladder and Benjamin knocks the ladder over and hits the whip kick on Captain Charisma. Shelton slams Christian’s face into a ladder and kicks him while he’s down. Not a bad match so far, other than the lame stoppage for blood, what is this NWA 80’s? Shelton at the top of the ladder and Christian catches him with a reverse DDT from the top of the ladder; both men are down as we get the Wile E. Coyote camera! Christian slowly makes him way up the ladder as Shelton climbs the ropes, Christian catches him and goes to ram the ladder into Shelton who catches it and jumps to the ladder and almost has the belt. Christian pushes the ladder and Shelton stands on the top rope and the top of the ladder for a huge clothesline. Striker says this is awesome, and I agree. Christian outside the ring and Shelton sets the ladder back up, and starts the climb, looks to far over though; Christian makes it back in time, now both guys up there. Shelton with a vicious powerslam off the ladder, which looked amazing! Christian setting up a ladder in the corner but caught by Shelton with a big splash into the ladder, Shelton climbs up and has the belt. Shelton is hanging by the title as Christian is trying to get him down. Christian sets up the ladder and knocks Shelton down, Christian hangs from the title now. Shelton pulls him down and a powerbomb into a ladder in the corner. The champ is down and hurting! Shelton starts to pound on Christian, and now both men climb opposite sides of the ladder, Shelton goes for a sunset flip off the top, but Christian counters into a Hurricanrana into the post on Shelton, awesome looking move. Both men on the apron, as Shelton attempts to German Suplex the man on the ladder. Christian hits the kick and knocks Shelton on the ladder, then climbs the top rope. Christian splashes Shelton through the ladder and the crowd erupts!!! Christian crawls up the ladder slowly and Shelton is motionless at ringside, Christian is able to pull the title down for the win. 4.5/5 Great match would’ve been a 5 if not for the ridiculous stoppage due to blood, which was a load of crap. One of the best opening matches on PPV, right up there with Lyger/Pillman or Owen/Bret! Great way to start the PPV! Shelton still down outside after the huge splash from Christian. After that exciting match we now get a recap of D-X/Jerishow feud, I assume while they clean up the ladder around the ring.

2. Drew McIntyre v. John Morrison. This should be another great match as Morrison is one of the best right now in WWE and Drew is impressive with one of the coolest finishers. John Morrison comes out to an impressive pop, I didn’t think they’d be able to make him a face, but they did a heck of a job. That promo on Smackdown with these two was the highlight of the week; I just hope the match lives up to it! Twenty years since the last IC title change in Texas, so says Matt Striker. So I want and double checked that and he’s way off, the title changed hands on April 5, 2009 at Wrestlemania when Rey beat JBL, and before that it changed hands four other times between 2002 and 2006. I’m disappointed in Matt making such a dumb mistake; he should’ve checked his facts on something that sounded that impressive. I know Wrestlemania really sucked, but sadly it actually did take place Matt! Anyway, let’s get to the match, as McIntyre powers John into the corner and we get a clean break. Morrison with a wristlock reversed by McIntyre with an uppercut and into an arm bar with Drew. Drew whips John in, but gets caught by an arm drag and John on the offense. John slides through the ropes and hits a perfect springboard Hurricanrana for a two count. Drew slows the pace by sliding out of the ring; John comes out after him and gets tossed head first into the ring post. Drew rolls the champ back in and gets a near fall, Drew rams the head into the buckle and stars to stomp a mudhole on Morrison. Drew with a short-arm clothesline, shades of Jake Roberts, and locks in a crossface as he slows down Morrison here. Morrison starts to make a comeback and Drew hits a corner clothesline followed by a snap Suplex, ala Dynamite Kid for another two count. Morrison catches Drew with a kick, but eats a big boot to the face for another pair of near falls; Morrison is just getting pummeled tonight. Drew locks in another nice submission on Morrison and stretches the arm of Morrison. Drew whips John in and goes for the tilt-a-whirl slam, but Morrison able to hit a nice spinning DDT on the challenger. Morrison hits a clothesline and goes up top and hits the missile dropkick for a near fall. McIntyre clips the knee of John, the hits a vile reverse Alabama Jam on the champion, thought it was over after that. That was an amazing looking maneuver; John pulled up and hits a dropkick knocking McIntyre out of the ring. Both men are brawling out of the ring, and Morrison rolls Drew back in. Drew hits the ring post and John hits Starship Pain, but Drew gets a foot outside the ring. John stomps Drew in the corner, John’s belt pulled off. The ref gets rid of the belt, and Drew pokes John in the eye, and hits the Scot Drop for the win! 4/5 Excellent match between the two future stars of the WWE. I hope this means John is going to get pushed to the world title next. After a promo for RAW we go backstage with Drew McIntyre and Vince McMahon. Josh Matthews asks for a word with Vince, and Vince says to interview the new champ. Josh asks Drew if he’s surprised he won, Drew says no, he knew he’d win. Suddenly Sheamus comes out and says Drew won’t be the only newcomer to win gold tonight.

3. Mickie James v. Michelle McCool. Mickie looks awesome tonight, as always! I give this match five minutes or less. Michelle McCool annoys the hell out of me, she steals AJ Styles finisher and his entrance, and she has less than 1/10th the talent of AJ. Never want to see anyone injured in wrestling, but in her case I make an exception. The bell rings, and Michelle runs away from the much more talented diva. Both women lock up and roll out of the ring, then both roll back in, Mickie forces McCool to the corner and the pulls the legs out and rolls her up for a near fall. Mickie with a series of near falls, Mickie goes for a sunset flip and McCool pushes her to the corner. Michelle does a snap mare and a couple knees to the back for another pinfall attempt. Michelle pounds Mickie’s face in the mat, Mickie tries to fight her way back up. I wish the announcers would stop kissing Michelle’s butt, just because they’re afraid Undertaker might come after them. Mickie finally gets the offense but gets caught in a backbreaker. Michelle argues with the ref and gets rolled up for a near fall. McCool tosses Mickie out of the ring and tosses her into the barricade. Michelle rolls back in the ring, as we get a close up of McCool, which is not a nice view! Michelle back out and misses a knee to the head. Mickie with a Thesz Press of the floor and rolls her back in and hits another Thesz Press for a near fall. Mickie with a nice duck under and a trio of clotheslines on the champion. Mickie whipped in and lands on the apron, as she goes up top, Layla pushes her off. Mickie spin kicks Layla and rolls up McCool for another near fall. McCool hits a kick for the win that was a crappy ending to the match. 2.5/5 all credit goes to Mickie James for carrying the overrated McCool to a watchable match. From here we go to the recap for the Sheamus/Cena match, I hope Sheamus wins and we get rid of Cena for a while. If Sheamus wins does Goldust get a title match, after all he beat Sheamus in ECW!

4. Sheamus v. John Cena. John Cena comes out to a mixed reaction, as Cole says the crowd is on their feet. Sure, but are they hanging from the rafters? Did the SRO signs go up early? Just thought I’d throw out a few Gorilla Monsoon quotes for fun, while half the crowd is booing Cena. Cole says last time a WWE Champ was from outside US was Yokozuna, which is wrong of course. Edge is a former champ and he’s Canadian, as is Chris Jericho, unless we suddenly became part of the US overnight. That’s what we’ll call a Vintage Cole Stupidity moment!!! John Cena starts out quick and pounds Sheamus in the corner and hits a bulldog, then back to the corner. Sheamus comes out with an elbow and a clothesline, followed by a vertical Suplex, as Cole mention for the third time no pinfalls. Sheamus goes out of the ring and starts to get a table but Cena throws Sheamus into the announce table multiple times. Cena tosses Sheamus into the barricade and Sheamus battle back, and Cena bounced off the ring post. Let’s see if Cena gets busted open, if they bring out the doctors again! Cena whips Sheamus into the steel stairs and now Cena looks for a table, Cena sets the table and picks up the Celtic Warrior. Sheamus on the table as John Cena climbs up to the top rope, but Sheamus slides off the table and make Cena chase him. Sheamus outsmarts the champion, and begins to pound on the back of John Cena. Cena on the ring apron right over the table as Sheamus is trying to push Cena on the table, Cena weebles and wobbles, but makes his back in the ring. Cena goes for the FU from the ring to the table but Sheamus slides off and pops Cena. Sheamus continues to work over the back of John Cena, and rams his head into the stairs, Sheamus stands over Cena. Cena able to counter a punch and rams Sheamus into the steps now, Cena sets Sheamus for the FU again, but Sheamus slides out and goes for a powerbomb through the table and Cena counters again. Sheamus Suplexed on the ramp, and both men are down and holding their backs. Cena makes his way back to ringside and grabs the table; Cena brings the table to Sheamus and tries to smash him with it. Sheamus rolls away and they fight into the crowd, Sheamus clotheslined over the barricade back to ringside. The crowd starts a “Let’s go Sheamus” chant as Cena is setting up a table, as Cena rolls back in Sheamus hits the Irish Curse pump kick. Sheamus rolls outside and grabs a table now, Sheamus sets it up in the corner much like he did on Monday Night Raw. Sheamus picks up Cena and sets him the bearhug, but Cena rolls through, and hits a pair of shoulderblocks. Cena with that poor looking belly to back he can’t do, and sets up for the fist drop. Sheamus slow to get up, but as he does he throws the table over the top rope. Cena hits the FU, but no table, so the match continues. With Sheamus down, Cena climbs out and grabs a table, as Cena slides in and sets the table up, Sheamus is still down. As the crowd boos Cena as he picks up the challenger and sets him in the corner. Cena readies Sheamus on the top rope, and sets him for the top rope FU. Sheamus fights back and pushes the champ down; both men slug it out and now both up top. Cena sets Sheamus for a superplex; Sheamus pushes Cena off the top and right through the table for the win! 3.75/5 A shocking ending to the match as Sheamus scores a huge win and is the new champion! Not a bad match, but the ending was kind of anti-climatic. I can see Cena getting the title back probably tonight on RAW or at the Rumble. It’s nice to see someone new with the title, would love to see him get a nice long title reign, but I doubt it. We go to the ring to see Cena getting up and looking at the table remnants, as they show some kid who looks like he’s going to cry! We now get a promo for the Tribute to the Troops show next Saturday on NBC, from the spoilers I saw looked like a crappy show. We come back to Cole, Lawler and Striker as Cole calls it the biggest upset in history, as we get another recap. We now get the recap of Undertaker/Batista, so you’re telling me the tag match is the main event? Must be nice to be Shawn and Hunter running the show, why that’s the main event and not Cena/Sheamus is beyond me.

5. Batista v. Undertaker. This is going to be a bad match as Batista just plain sucks, and Undertaker has become a shell of himself. Both guys really need to retire and call it a career; well at least I have Kofi/Orton to still look forward too. I still find it odd to have both title matches in the middle of the show, just seems wrong. Let’s see, a chair match with no blood, but yet there are disqualifications. The bell rings and Batista goes for a chair early, but Undertaker counters. Batista in the corner as Undertaker pounds on him, Undertaker continues to stomp on Dave and then whips him in the corner. Undertaker runs in and Batista with an elbow followed by a clothesline. Both men back outside, and Batista goes for a chair again and Undertaker tosses him to the corner. Undertaker grabs a chair and Batista counters and rams Undertaker into the post. Batista works over the back on the ring apron as Undertaker throws a chair into the ring. Batista tossed into the time keeper’s area as Undertaker tossing chairs in the ring, as Batista goes to get up Undertaker goes for a big boot and Batista moves. Batista now using the chair on Undertaker to choke him down. Undertaker ducks out of the way of a chairshot and Batista hits the ring post, Batista rolled in the ring and Undertaker hits the legdrop, cueing Michael Cole to say “vintage Undertaker”. Undertaker goes for Old School, but Batista counters and hits a superplex on the dead man for a near fall. Batista grabs a chair and sets up Undertaker for Batista Bomb, which is countered to a backdrop. Both men up and slug it out now; Batista whips Undertaker in and hits a spinebuster for a two count. Batista picks up a chair and wedges it in the corner, that may come back to haunt him, as Batista pounds Undertaker in the ropes and misses a clothesline, but Undertaker hits the flying clothesline. Undertaker goes for Old School, and it connects, Undertaker follows with Snake Eyes, but Batista counters the boot with a spear for another near fall. Batista sets the chair up and hits the spinebuster on Undertaker on the chair, as he Batista’s up! Batista goes to grab Undertaker, but Undertaker with Hell’s Gate, Batista is able to make the ropes for the break though. Batista rolls out the ring and grabs a chair, as Undertaker goes to grab Batista he gets a chair to the head. Batista comes in and goes for a spear and hits the chair in the corner, as I predicted. Undertaker readies for the Chokeslam on the Animal, which leads to a near fall. Undertaker now gives the sign for the Tombstone, but Batista counters and pushes him into the corner. Undertaker almost nails the ref, and Batista hits a low blow and then a chairshot to the face for the pin. 3/5 Not a bad match, considering who was in it. As Batista takes the belt and starts to leave, out comes Teddy Long. Teddy says chairs are legal, but low blows are not and this match will continue. Batista runs in with a chair and Undertaker with a big boot, hits Batista with the chair, followed by the Tombstone for the win. Make that a 2.5/5 for the stupid Dusty finish, I hate that crap. The match wasn’t half bad, but that stupid finish killed it for me. I assume we’re going to have to have another rematch between these two. We now get a cool little Royal Rumble promo, I love the Royal Rumble, and so I actually am looking forward to that show. I hope Kofi wins the Rumble, so we can get Kofi/Sheamus for the main event of Wrestlemania, but that’ll probably never happen. We go to the recap of the Kofi/Orton feud; this is going to be a good match.

6. Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston. Randy Orton starts out with a headlock, which Kofi fights out of, putting Randy in a head scissors. Kofi moves to the wristlock, which Randy reverses, Kofi flips out of it. Randy pushes Kofi in the corner and starts to pound Kofi down, as the ref pulls Randy out of the corner. Kofi tries to fight back; put gets caught in a flipping power slam for a two count. Orton back to the headlock, Kofi starts to fight back in the corner, and does that cool jump to the second rope. Orton goes for the powerbomb, Kofi to a sunset flip for a near fall. Orton rolls out of the ring, Kofi goes for a top rope cross body, but Orton hits a nice dropkick and Kofi is hurting. Orton Suplexes Kofi on the barricade and then dumps Kofi back to ringside. Both men back in the ring and a near fall for the Legend Killer, as Orton stands over Kofi now. Orton with a series of stomps to Kofi’s midsection, and works over the ribs of Kingston. Orton has a huge advantage at this point and drops Kofi rib first on the top rope, then the big kneedrop to the face. Kofi slow to get up, and gets punched back down by Orton. Kofi uses the ropes to get up, and once again taken down, Kofi pulls himself up and then connects with the SOS on Orton!! Orton rolls out of the ring, and Kofi follows with a missile dive on Randy, Kofi rolls him back in and climbs the ropes. Kofi with a nice crossbody, shades of Ricky Steamboat, for a near fall. Kofi follows up with a series of chops, then springboard clothesline. Orton hits the backbreaker out of nowhere and both men are down, Orton now has the advantage again. Orton readies for the RKO and Kofi hits a perfect drop kick, then the boom drop. Kofi goes for the Trouble in Paradise and connects nicely on Randy, Randy grabs the rope to break the count as the match was almost over. Orton rolls out of the ring, and Kofi follows. Orton like dead weight as Kofi gets him back in the ring, as Kofi starts to get in the ring Orton springs up and hits the vicious DDT on Kingston. Randy goes for the punt kick, but Kofi able to block with his arm. Orton grabs Kofi and hits an armbreaker on the injured arm of Kingston, Orton sets up for the RKO, Kofi counters with Trouble in Paradise which misses, Orton hits RKO for the win. 4.25/5 Great match, Kofi impresses everytime I see him and Orton is just amazing. He plays a snake so well, and the RKO can just hit from nowhere. Wonder if this is the end of Kingston’s push, if so that’s a shame because Kingston is a great young talent. We see Batista backstage yelling at Teddy Long, saying he was robbed tonight and he tells Teddy make it right or next time Batista swings the chair it’ll be at Teddy’s head.

7. D-X v. Jerishow. Wow, seven weeks between PPV’s as the Rumble’s not till 31st of January. They actually have time to build some stories. The match starts with all four men slugging it out as Show and Hunter outside the ring. Triple H whipped into the barricade, familiar move tonight. Big show follows in and HHH moves and Show into the crowd, as Shawn and Jericho slug it out in the ring. Triple H grabs a table and sets it up and the timekeeper area, but turns around right into Big Show as they brawl up the ramp. In the ring Shawn is stomping on Jericho and now they’re outside the ring. Show & HHH brawling at the top of the ramp as Jericho sets up a table at ringside. Shawn Michaels and Jericho back in the ring, as Shawn gets caught in the Walls of Jericho, Shawn able to counter out. Shawn hits a big slam and climbs the ropes, Shawn goes for the big elbow, but Jericho gets his knees up. Shawn rolls out of the ring, and Jericho goes to grab the ladder, meanwhile Big Show thrown into the big screen. Jericho runs up the ramp to help Show and gets caught. Triple H goes for the Pedigree and Jericho counters, as all four men brawl at the top of the ramp. Show holds HHH up as Jericho goes to hit him with a chair, Shawn makes the save, but Big Show pummels Shawn down. Big Show the only man standing at this point as the crowd cheers for D-X. Jerishow make their way to the ring as Show grabs the ladder and passes it to Chris in the ring, but D-X break it up. We now have HHH and Jericho in the ring, while Shawn & Show outside the ring. Triple H has the ladder and nails Jericho in the ribs, while Shawn comes in the ring. Both members of D-X working over Chris Jericho now, as Show slowly gets up, D-X Suplex the ladder on Jericho. D-X baseball slides the ladder into the face of Big Show knocking him back down as Jericho out of the ring. D-X set up the ladder and Shawn starts the climb, Big Show in and throws Shawn down and pummels the daylights out of HHH. Jericho back in sends Shawn to the floor, and now they Jerishow double team Triple H. Jericho bulldogs Triple H into the ladder as Big Show has a big smile, Big Show sets a ladder into the corner. Shawn tries to get back in and knocked back down to the floor by Jericho. Jericho whips HHH into the ladder and then Show slams HHH on the ladder as they lock his legs in the ladder. Shawn able to get in the ring and gets tossed right into the Game, that was a cool spot. Show pounds HHH while tied in the ladder, Jerishow with a big advantage. Jericho goes to whip HHH into the ladder and HHH reverses, Jericho to the floor, Big Show misses a splash in the corner. Triple H hits the facebuster and swings the ladder at Show then throws it on top of Jericho. Hunter turns around into the Chokeslam, countered to the DDT as “Vintage” Michaels with the elbow. Shawn sets up for Sweet Chin Music, Jericho ducks and hits Codebreaker. Jericho turns around into a spinebuster from the Game, who then gets hits with a Big Show spear. Show only man in the ring at this point, as he looks up at the titles. Big Show sets up the ladder, slowly climbing the ladder as Triple H slides in with a chairshot to the back of Show. Show just punches the chair in the big nose of the Game, almost knocks the nose though the other side of HHH. Show up the ladder, but D-X knocks the ladder down, and Triple H hits a Pedigree. Shawn Michaels sets up a ladder and climbs the ladder as Jericho in and sends Michaels crashing to the floor. Jericho now climbs the ladder and Triple H nails Jericho, both men on the ladder, Triple H powerbombs Jericho from the ladder. Now its Triple H’s turn to climb the ladder but Big Show back in and a Chokeslam on the Game from the ladder. Big Show now destroys the ladder, great, now this match can never end! Big Show throws the ladder out and starts to pound on Hunter in the corner, meanwhile Jericho finds another ladder under the ring and slides it in. Michaels sets up a chair, but Jerishow pins D-X in the ladder and Jericho smashes the chair on the ladder, and then squeezes the ladder closed on the both. Big Show breaks the ladder in half and throws the Game out and punches Shawn in the stomach. Show chokeslams Shawn on HHH through the table. Jericho climbs on the shoulders of Big Show they make their way to the titles, as D-X slide back in. Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music sending Jericho to the floor, hitting his face on the table. D-X uses the ladder part to knock Show out of the ring. Triple H holds the ladder piece as Shawn climbs up, and Shawn detaches the titles and wins. Damn! 4/5 Excellent match, but didn’t want D-X to win, as now they’re going to ruin Smackdown and Jericho is now going to be gone from RAW. Although maybe this will keep them from the World Title picture, I hope.

Match Recap

1. Christian beat Shelton Benjamin 4.5/5
2. Drew McIntyre pinned John Morrison 4/5
3. Michelle McCool pinned Mickie James 2.5/5
4. Sheamus beat John Cena 3.75/5
5. Undertaker beat Batista 2.5/5
6. Randy Orton pinned Kofi Kingston 4.25/5
7. D-X beat Jerishow 4/5

That was actually a pretty good PPV other then the Undertaker match, but I didn’t expect anything from that. I’d give the PPV an A- for a grade, as it was great to see Sheamus win his first title, and the opening two matches were amazing. Four matches that are a 4/5 or better out of seven is pretty good, and Sheamus/Cena was almost a four, if the ending was a little better. The worst match was a tie between the divas and Undertaker. Gee irony as Mr. & Mrs. Undertaker have the worst matches, I just don’t think McCool is worthy of having a title, she is worse than Candice Michelle or Sable. Christian and Shelton just made the opening match amazing. Great show and I can only hope RAW is a good show too.
Oh, and for those who care, as far as my predictions went, I got 4-3, which is about normal. I would’ve been 5-2 if they didn’t do the stupid Dusty finish in the Undertaker match.

World Wrestling Entertainment Table Ladders and Chair’s pay per view is being watched.
It was on about 3am last night so i whipped the Sky+ out. Everyone knows I cream off wrestling and TLC is just extreme, so much comedy, flips, jumps and just some wow stuff. Tables, ladders and chairs it’s amazing entertainment.
Very Excited.

HD, 42″ Screen and beers. Happy.

I’m hoping John Cena wins and Randy Orton get’s whipped. Cena is everyone’s favorite. I’ll post again in 3 hours when i’ve watched
xx

The John Report Presents: The 2009 WWE Johnny Awards

These are the awards where we honor, and dishonor, the hard working employees of World Wrestling Entertainment based on their work over the last twelve months. Having watched everything from December (2008) to November, I come to you today to present the very “prestigious” awards that I call the 2009 WWE Johnny Awards!

These awards are not just “Best Wrestler” or “Worst Wrestler.” They have names to them. Good names too, not garbage like Oscar or Emmy or Tony or whatever else is out there. Some of the names of awards have changed over the years (the last time I did these was 2005), but the premise is the same. I also added some new awards in there too. Since I haven’t done one of these things in four years I doubt many of you are going to notice what they are. Before I begin, it’s worth pointing out that this is World Wrestling Entertainment stuff ONLY. It says it in the title, but I want you to remember that when you ask why there’s no TNA or ROH in here. It’s WWE only. That’s what I watch regularly. That’s what I know. And that’s what will be discussed.

The gist of the awards is pretty simple. You see the category, I explain what the category is about, I do my write-up and I give you my winner along with the runners up. As you’ll also see, some categories will be serious ones while others will be lighthearted or honoring the worst in the year. In the case of 16 of the 20 awards, I have also put polls up on my blog. The major categories got over 1500 votes while some of the others got close to 1000, so it’s a good sample size for sure. (If this was WWE I’d multiply 16 x 1000 to say that over 16,000 votes were cast. That’s true in a sense, but it doesn’t count repeat voters. Sorry, I was having Cyber Sunday flashbacks.) I will share those results for the awards under the heading of “The People’s Vote” (it will be underlined) under where it says runners-up. I asked people to pick a top three for each just as I’m picking a top three, so it would be fair that way. Obviously the highest somebody could get on a poll was 33%. If you want to see the polls that were posted and the results for each they are available to be viewed in this nice archive right here. Thanks to Facebook friend Nathan Maxfield for the lovely banner you see above. He’s got the greatest pin ever on there and the dueling Undertaker/Michaels hat challenge up there. Looks good, Nathan!

Note: Everything that happened between December 1, 2008 and November 30, 2009 is eligible in these awards.

THE 20 MAJOR AWARDS

1. THE SHAWN MICHAELS/RIC FLAIR AWARD
To be given to the person that best combines workrate, character, mic work and everything else into one. Also known as best wrestler. This is similar to WWE’s Superstar of the Year award.
Winner: Chris Jericho
Runners-Up: CM Punk, Jeff Hardy, Christian and Randy Orton
The People’s Vote: 1) Jericho, 2) Punk, 3) Morrison, 4) Michaels, 5) Christian

Jericho won the People’s Vote in dominating fashion while Punk easily got second. Morrison edged Michaels for third by just three votes while Christian nudged out Orton. At the Slammys, I expect somebody John Cena to win this award. If not him then it will be Orton. If you’re wondering, Orton finished 6th in the people’s vote while Cena finished 13th. Triple H finished 14th.

Last year if I did the column it would have been easy to pencil Jericho in. He stood out from the pack. Michaels was probably second. This year wasn’t as easy largely because Jericho, despite being the best all around performer in the company, was out of the World Title picture. The fact is he was on both Raw & Smackdown because he’s willing to put people over on TV and PPV while also having great matches on a regular basis. His feud with Rey Mysterio over the IC title was fantastic and he made people actually care about the tag division again. He’s not the wrestler of the year because he dominated the main event scene. He’s the wrestler of the year because he’s awesome in the ring, he’s arguably the best talker in the company (more on that later), his acting is above average for a wrestling show and he’s funny when he needs to do. Like Homer Simpson once asked about donuts, is there anything Chris Jericho can’t do? In terms of being a wrestler, that answer is no.

My second and third picks are CM Punk and Jeff Hardy. They are intertwined in a lot of ways because of the excellent feud they had in the summer. I was very impressed with Punk’s turn from a babyface that didn’t have much direction to his excellent run as the top heel on Smackdown when they needed somebody in that spot. He’s a consistent in ring performer and is one of the better talkers in the company because he’s very believable in terms of what he says. That’s the key to being a great heel. You have to convince people you feel the way you’re speaking and with him, while it’s obviously more dramatic for effect, you can tell he’s really into what he’s saying.

I thought Jeff Hardy had an awesome year in terms of in-ring matches (with Edge, his brother Matt and especially Punk) and he also gave some of the best promos of his life just as he was walking out the door after Summerslam. I was surprised that he only finished 7th in the People’s Vote. It’s not like he missed that much time. Only 1/3 of the voting period. His performances were the best of his career because his head was on straight, he was working his ass off and he was really pouring his heart into all of his matches. There was not a better babyface in WWE this year. I definitely miss him when I watch WWE right now. There’s a huge void on the babyface side without him.

Rounding out my top five (most categories will only have two runners up) are Christian and Orton. I think you can make a case that Christian was the most consistent performer in the entire company other than Jericho. He had very good matches with a variety of different opponents while carrying ECW for the year. Orton’s heel work was excellent, especially at the start of the year, but the HHH feud was a huge disappointment that lasted way too long and the Cena feud was just okay. He really needed to branch out and work with more people, which he is doing now with Kofi Kingston.

The only reason Shawn Michaels didn’t make my top five was inactivity. Plus, I really didn’t like his JBL feud. I’m actually surprised that John Morrison finished third in the voting. He’s been consistent on Smackdown and I’m a fan, but I didn’t think of him as highly as I did Christian. He’s probably in 6th or 7th with HBK.

2. THE TRISH STRATUS AWARD
To be given to the best female performer.
Winner: Mickie James
Runners-Up: Michelle McCool, Maryse
The People’s Vote: 1) Mickie James, 2) Maryse, 3) Beth Phoenix, 4) Natalya, 5) Michelle McCool

In the People’s Vote, Mickie ran away with it fairly easily. Good to see Natalya in the top four. Of all the women in the company, she’s the one that I’d like to see receive a serious push in 2010. I think Michelle’s work really improved all year. I enjoy her heel character way more than the “Loving Life” babyface stuff she did.

Nobody really stood out this year because all the babyface divas are happy go lucky girls that smile all the time without any substance to their character. All the heel divas think they are the hottest woman on the planet and they act like a bitch. It doesn’t help that the writing for them is similar to some high school drama type show. As a result, nobody separates herself from the pack. They have the same matches for months because half the women don’t know how to wrestle and as a result you’ve got a division that’s thin. On Raw the main feud was Maryse vs. Mickie while Smackdown had Michelle vs. Melina. Once they exhausted that, they switched Mickie and Melina to do the feuds with the other pair. As a result you have a pretty tight race. After much deliberation (maybe two seconds) I went with my favorite, Mickie James. She’s over with the crowd, she has good matches when she has capable people to work with (her last days on Raw weren’t great partly because they put her in the ring with inexperienced people plus Gail Kim got knocked out during a match) and she’s an above average actress for a wrestling show. Plus, I find her to be absolutely gorgeous and somebody of high moral character that is as kind as she is beautiful. Can I suck up more? Yes, I can.

Want some proof? While writing these awards out I decided to send some messages on twitter to Chris Jericho and Mickie James. I did it to let Jericho know he was the wrestler of the year in these awards and to let Mickie know she is the female performer of the year. I didn’t get a reply back from Jericho. It’s okay. The guy’s got 70,000 people following him and he’s obviously a busy guy. In Mickie’s case I wasn’t expecting much. Her previous reply to me was to say (after I suggested a team name for her and Maria) that Maria’s hair was red. I argued that no Greek woman has red hair naturally, which is true, but didn’t get a reply back. I got owned, basically, but I persevered.

I mentioned to her that she won I also asked if she wanted to tweet a thank you speech, which means 140 characters or less. Here it was from @mickiejamesdiva to me @johnreport:

“Yes! Thank you. Without you all my job would be unfulfilled! Without reason. I am grateful for all your love and loyal support!”

Thank you, Mickie James-Canton. Or maybe I should be John Canton-James? She’ll decide. I’m whipped already. (Of course I’m speaking tongue in cheek here.)

3. THE GIANT GONZALEZ AWARD
To be given to the worst wrestler or worst superstar in WWE vernacular.
Winner: The Great Khali
Runners-Up: Rosa Mendes, Vladimir Kozlov
The People’s Vote: 1) Khali, 2) Hornswoggle, 3) Henry, 4) Kozlov, 5) Rosa

In the People’s Vote, Khali and Horny were way ahead of the pack. That’s not a surprise because I think a lot of wrestling fans in 2009 are really tired of novelty gimmicks. Vince loves them, of course.

This is named after Giant Gonzalez because if you saw him wrestle…well…you know why it’s named after him. There could have been a lot of other people to name the award after, so congrats to El Gigante (his WCW name) for having this award named after him. In the People’s Vote, John Cena finished 7th in the voting while HHH came in 11th. I don’t really agree with either of those things, but I think it’s because people like to hate those two.

Khali’s the winner here pretty easily although I’m happy they didn’t put him in the world title hunt this year. It’s hard for him to move around, which means matches are going to be bad. Once you get past the whole “my god, that’s guy’s huge” thing there’s not much more to talk about with this guy. Rosa Mendes is my number two because she’s brutal in the ring, yet WWE put her on live matches on Raw. What were they thinking? She looked as lost as anybody I’ve ever seen in 20 plus years of being a fan. The timing was always off, the offense looked bad and despite the fact that she’s gorgeous it was hard even for me to look past that. Kozlov gets the third spot because I don’t think he had a decent match all year. I’m actually glad he was kept on ECW and out of any title pictures, though. See, I give WWE credit for moving Rosa and Kozlov to ECW while keeping Khali out of the title hunt. They know what their weakness are.

4. THE STONE COLD/HITMAN AWARD
To be given to the best match.
Winner: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels @ WrestleMania 25 (****)
Runners-Up: John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio @ Smackdown Sept. 5th (****1/2), CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy (TLC) @ Summerslam (****1/2) and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho @ The Bash (****1/2)
The People’s Vote: 1) Undertaker/Michaels @ WM25, 2) Morrison/Mysterio @ SD, 3) Punk/Hardy @ SSlam, 4) Mysterio/Jericho @ The Bash, 5) Punk/Hardy @ Night of Champions

Love this category. I’m a purist at heart. I fell in love with the wrestling business because I’m a fan of sport and athletic contests. Obviously wrestling’s not a sport due to the fact that its outcomes are pre-determined, but the ring allows it to be treated as a sport. It’s what keeps me watching because when matches are this good – like these ones were – then professional wrestling is at its best. I should point out that for every poll I asked people to pick a top three. The Undertaker/Michaels match finished with 33% of the People’s Vote meaning they appeared in the top three of nearly everybody that voted. That’s dominating to me.

There’s no question that Undertaker/Michaels was the match of the year. If you saw it, you know why. They followed the Austin/Rock formula for the WrestleMania match by having each guy kick out of the big spots. I never thought Michaels was going to win at any point, but those nearfalls were as believable as any Undertaker Mania match I’ve ever seen. Even when Taker went for covers and didn’t get them his facial expressions were great. The leap to the floor by Taker was memorable because he nearly broke his neck. It was simply one of those matches that kept you on the edge of your seat especially once they got to those final five minutes. It was spot, pin, kickout, take a breath and do it all over again. This was the easiest winner of a Johnny Award this year and it’ll win the Slammy too.

I have Morrison/Mysterio at two because it’s purely an athletic contest that reminded me of why I’m still a fan. It’s a shame that WWE barely promoted it. They barely mentioned it after it happened. God forbid they try to put over an IC title match. Me? I loved it. Seen it a few times now. Here was my immediate take. From my September 5th Smackdown column regarding this match: “These guys laid it all out there. They put on the kind of match that a long time fan like me can appreciate, but also the kind of match that newer fans can love too. It was an athletic, entertaining contest without any hokey storylines to bog it down. Just two guys doing what they do at a very high level. Why do I keep watching wrestling? For matches like John Morrison versus Rey Mysterio on this very show.” ‘Nuff said.

I like the Punk/Hardy and Jericho/Mysterio matches equally. They were both culminations of great feuds that ended with a distinct result as to who won the feud (Punk won his, Mysterio won his). The Punk/Hardy match was very physical due to being in the TLC setting while the Jericho/Mysterio match was a mat classic that featured a lot of great counter wrestling. They’re both examples of how you can have great matches with gimmicks like TLC or with nothing but two guys doing their thing in the ring.

5. THE DIESEL/MABEL AWARD
To be given to the worst match. What else?
Winner: Divas battle royal @ WrestleMania 25
Runners-Up: Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle (all of them), Chavo & Vickie vs. Santina – Hogpen Match @ Extreme Rules
The People’s Vote: 1) Chavo/Horny @ Raw, 2) Divas Battle Royal @ WM25, 3) Chavo & Vickie/Santina @ ERules, 4) Kane/Khali @ SSlam, 5) HHH/Orton @ WM25

It was a decisive win by Chavowoggle in the People’s Vote. The divas battle royal beat the Hogpen match by just two votes for the coveted second place prize. Interesting to note that WM25’s main event finished in 5th. That’s not a good thing for the main event of the granddaddy of them all.

The Divas battle royal wins. It was atrocious. Not only was it pretty disrespectful to the hard working women in the company that are forced to wrestle even if some of them shouldn’t be, but it was also a waste to bring in divas from the past like Sunny or Torrie when they barely did anything. They even asked Trish and Lita to come in for this, but both of them wisely passed (and ripped it in interviews later). Add that to the list of reasons to love Trish Stratus. The fact that “Santina” won the match isn’t even the worst part. The fact that it was considered a good idea in the first place is the worst part.

I put all of them for Chavowoggle because I thought they were all bad. I guess if I had to pick the worst it would be when Chavo had to wrestle him in the cow outfit, which was even worse than when he had his arm tied behind back, which was even worse than when he had those giant boxing gloves on. You get the point, right? What’s funny is on WWE.com’s year end countdown the cow match was considered a great moment. It’s either funny or sad, I don’t know which. The Hogpen match was brutal. I loved how they tried to sell it by saying it hadn’t been done in 13 years. It’s because Hogpen matches suck! And this one lived up to the hype in terms of sucking. Poor Chavo and Santino. They both deserved better. Too bad they were both booked to do such crap.

6. THE EDGE & CHRISTIAN AWARD
To be given to the two men that function best as a unit. Also known as best tag team.
Winner: Chris Jericho & Big Show aka Jerishow
Runners-Up: Legacy, DX

There was no People’s Vote for this because the outcome was too obvious. There really aren’t enough teams in WWE, which we all know. Jerishow dominated the tag titles all year, so the yare clearly the winner. They had feuds with MVP & Mark Henry as well as Cryme Tyme before moving on to fry bigger fish in DX. I liked Legacy’s feud with DX except that by the end of the three months they weren’t elevated and they’re probably in a worse position now then they were before the feud at Summerslam. At least they made PPVs in the summer. They didn’t have a feud to end the year.

My hope is there’s a renewed focus to push the tag division with The Hart Dynasty at the forefront because they’ve got the best potential to really save tag team wrestling in WWE. Hopefully I’m writing their name in for this award next year.

7. THE BIG SHOW “KTFO” AWARD
To be given to the person that deserves to be KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~!
Winner: Michael Cole
Runners-Up: Hornswoggle, The Raw writing team
The People’s Vote: 1) The Raw writing team, 2) Michael Cole, 3) Hornswoggle, 4) Vince McMahon, 5) John Cena

The People’s Vote saw a win (or is it really a loss?) for Raw’s writing team. I think a lot of people were frustrated with the guest host concept even more than I was. The main problem was paying more attention to the guest hosts than to the actual wrestlers. Cole edged out Hornswoggle in a close race while Dr. Ken picked up sixth place, which is pretty impressive considering he appeared only once on Raw. You guys must have really hated that guy, huh?

I am not being sarcastic when I say this: Michael Cole is not a bad pro wrestling announcer. However, he’s a bad sports entertainment announcer on WWE Raw in 2009. Why? Because they have him overreact to too many things like bad skits, anything involving Hornswoggle and just generally being a douche nozzle (credit Adam Carolla). To his credit, on the 10th anniversary of Smackdown he was “drunk” while making fun of how much he uses the word “vintage.” It’s funny how he used the word all the time before, but ever since Commentfest started in my Raw Deal columns and we made fun of him for it he never says it anymore. To his credit, during Smackdown’s 10th anniversary celebration they had Cole “drunk” and he was busting out “vintage” all night as a parody of himself. I respect him for being able to laugh at his own stuff. And people wonder if WWE reads this column? Hi Vince! Love you, big guy.

Rounding out my top three are Hornswoggle and the Raw writing team. I have no reason to think that the young man playing Hornswoggle is a bad kid. I’ve seen his Twitter messages and he’s a funny guy. It’s just that he’s booked terribly. I know he’s there to appeal to the 10 year old kids. That’s fine. I have nephews around that age. They like him, but they don’t love him. There’s too much of him. The Raw writing team gets third because far too often they’ll put over the guest host more than the upcoming PPV or the wrestlers on the roster. They’ve gotten better about it of late, but it’s one of the most frustrating things about watching Raw because my reaction to that show every week is that it should be better. It’s not due to the talent on the show. It’s the writing.

8. THE SAVAGE/STEAMBOAT AWARD
To be given to the best feud.
Winner: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy
Runners-Up: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker
The People’s Vote: 1) Punk vs. Jeff Hardy, 2) Jericho vs. Mysterio, 3) Orton vs. Kingston, 4) Michaels vs. Undertaker, 5) Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

It’s named after Savage/Steamboat because I already named one after Hart/Austin. The People’s Vote was a runaway win for the Punk/Hardy feud, which is totally understandable. I thought one of the more interesting write in votes was cast for “RAW Creative Team vs. RAW Viewers.” I don’t think there was a winner in that feud, was there?

This one’s tricky because everybody has a different view on what defines a feud. Is Michaels/Undertaker, the best match, a feud when they only have one match or do you need to have a series of matches that carries on for months? I think you need a series, but I also thought enough of Michaels/Undertaker to give it the third spot for this award. They had some really great matches to go along with above average promos from each guy, especially Jeff Hardy. That was his best promo work ever and I think it was because he clicked so well with Punk. Too bad he went home to do drugs, isn’t it? I think Jericho/Mysterio was a lot of fun with Jericho going after his mask, elevating the IC title and reminding us of how good those two are in the ring. It reminded me of their WCW feud from the 90s. Nothing else really stood out because Orton/HHH went on way too long, Cena/Orton was just okay and we haven’t seen enough of Orton/Kingston yet for me to really consider it.

9. THE KATIE VICK AWARD
To be given to the worst feud. RIP Katie.
Winner: Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Runners-Up: Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle, Kane vs. Khali
The People’s Vote: 1) Chavo/Horny, 2) HHH/Orton, 3) Santina/Vickie, 4) Kane/Khali, 5) Guest Hosts/Chavo

Was there a worse feud than Kane vs. HHH over Katie Vick? Maybe, but I think Katie needs to be remembered for the crap that she delivered to us. The HHH/Steiner feud is upset that it did not have an award named after it, for the record. It’s so upset that they are issuing a posedown. The People’s Vote saw a decisive victory for Chavo/Horny, which doubled the HHH/Orton feud in votes.

This was tough. Do I go with the main event feud that lasted five months to it, had no great matches and really didn’t end or do I go with the “comedy” feud that almost never made me laugh. I went with Orton/HHH in part because Triple H never put Orton over clean when he should have. I understand winning and retaining at Mania because he was the heel, but why lose in a tag match for the belt at Backlash? That undermines the belt. Do the honorable thing and drop it in singles. Then move on. Instead, it continued. I never even touched on the worst part, which was when HHH broke into Orton’s house. I loved how cameras were inside the home, then they fought in Randy’s “house” and then when Randy got thrown out the window (right in front of the camera guy shooting it ninja style) the cops were there to arrest him. Despite the breaking and entering being captured on camera, we all just forgot about it. Until now. Holy shit that was a bad segment. Somebody tell WWE that they should stop trying to be like 24. Don’t try to be like Jack Bauer, WWE. You’re not a big budget TV drama with layers of storylines to tell. Admit it to yourself in the mirror and stick to wrestling storylines. Thanks.

Do I need to get into why having a midget going over a talented wrestler week after week for four or five months is a bad feud? It was funny the first time. Maybe the second and third time. Now it’s still going on and it’s absolutely brutal to watch. Kane/Khali rounds out the top three because they did it over a couple of months, Kane was the heel and about a month after it ended he was a face again for some reason. What was the point of the feud other than to bore the hell out of me? No point? Exactly.

10. THE MORDECAI AWARD
To be given to the worst idea for a character.
Winner: Santina
Runners-Up: Chavo the midget jobber, Hunter the McMahon Family Avenger

Santina. All I can say is what the fuck? They have this great performer in Santino Marella who is one of the few people who is consistently funny in WWE and they do this ridiculous Santina gimmick where he dresses up in drag. Not only that, but they book Santina to win the “Miss WrestleMania” battle royal and then have a Hogpen match with Vickie Guerrero. Nobody thought, “hey, this is fucking stupid?” Nobody? They have something like 20 women on the roster, more then half of them have absolutely no wrestling history when they hire them, yet they force them to learn how to wrestle or else they’ll be without a job. Then, instead of rewarding the ones that work hard to put on good matches you want to put them in a match where they lose to a guy in drag because a man in his mid 60s (Vince McMahon) thinks it’s hilarious? Dear God. Even a talent like Santino couldn’t save that stinking pile of shit. I felt bad for so many people when this happened: the divas that actually know how to wrestle, Santino, the women they brought in from the past (like Torrie & Sunny) that were barely even acknowledged. I fucking hated Santina. Not funny. Not a good idea.

Remember when Chavo was pushing Vickie around in a wheelchair for much of 2008 and we wondered: “Man, who did Chavo piss off?” That was GREAT compared to this year. Poor guy had to feud with the freaking midget and never lose. And it never fucking ended. It’s December and they’re still going even after it looked like they were allies! Poor Chavo went on Twitter drunk one night talking about how if it was real he could beat up Hornswoggle. This is how bad the angle is. He has to defend himself online to marks. This was so bad I bet he misses the salesman story line in WCW or the Pepe storyline in WCW. Those were great compared to this! I’m sure he’s happy to still be making six figures in his late 30s, but man, he’s better than being the joke wrestler.

I hated HTMFA so much. His babyface character at the start of the year was not somebody I want to root for. Why should the fans feel bad for the guy that’s held more world titles in WWE than anybody else (Flair’s were mostly non WWE obviously), is married to the boss’ daughter and has been in the title picture for a decade. Why? Oh right, because his wife and father in law write the show. Brutal. At least he was smart enough to ditch his staring, no emotion, no jokes, huffing and puffing persona as HTMFA. I’ll always give HHH credit for being a smart man.

11. THE ROCK AWARD
To be given to the best person at cutting promos.
Winner: Chris Jericho
Runners-Up: CM Punk, Randy Orton
The People’s Vote: 1) Chris Jericho, 2) CM Punk, 3) Santino Marella, 4) Edge, 5) The Miz

Why did I name it after The Rock? To me, he’s the best promo man ever all due respect to Ric Flair. The Rock had the best ability to be serious or funny when the time is right. Just look at his appearance at the 10th anniversary of Smackdown as proof of that. In the People’s Vote, Jericho and Punk ran away from the pack, which isn’t a surprise. Those two get as much as promo time as anybody not named Triple H because they deserve it. Good to see Edge getting some recognition despite missing half the year. My third pick, Randy Orton, finished eighth in your vote.

Do I need to really explain why Jericho and Punk are winners here? They are given promo time week after week and they deliver the goods on a consistent basis. Jericho’s gone from a smart ass babyface to the kind of straight talking heel that never shows emotion or laughs because he did something funny. He’s a true pro. What about the big words he uses to get heat? Nobody likes big words like troglodyte. We better boo him! Punk went from not doing much in his babyface role to turning into a preacher like person with his Straight Edge promos telling us that we’re living unhealthy lifestyles. He’s really found his niche with those promos. I put Orton in third because he’s really good when the material is there for him. I love his slow delivery because it’s very Jake Roberts-like. He generates heel heat just by opening his mouth. I think he’s underrated as a talker and the fact that he finished eight in your voting proves that. My fourth pick would be Christian, who has always been an elite talker. He’s thrived as a babyface too.

I should add too that John Cena is as talented on interviews as anybody in the company. In fact, he was my runner up for this award in 2003 (to Jericho) and this is what I wrote: “Cena’s raps have been a highlight of TV every week. His raps bring the kind of energy that was sorely needed on Smackdown. He’s going to need to add some depth to his character a bit, but I think he’ll get there.” See that? A highlight. Energy. That’s what his promos were. Now? Not so much. Every so often he’s able to channel that, but the material he has to work with just doesn’t do it often enough. His promos are scripted so poorly a lot of the time that even his talent can’t save them. Far too often he does the whole “be quiet and then erupt like a volcano” like delivery that I dislike. If he ever turned heel he’d probably win this award rather easily, I think.

12. THE VINCE MCMAHON AWARD
To be given to the best guest host on Raw.
Winner: Shaquille O’Neal
Runners-Up: Bob Barker, Jesse Ventura
The People’s Vote: 1) Shaquille O’Neal, 2) Jesse Ventura, 3) Bob Barker, 4) Mark Cuban, 5) Million Dollar Man

It’s named after Vince because he’s the best authority figure in company history. In the People’s Vote, Shaq edged Jesse by just three votes as those two beat the rest of the field pretty easily. Cuban’s hosting actually happened after December 1, but I’ll bend the rules a bit for this one.

I went with Shaq first because it really felt like he belonged. He spoke well, his segments were okay and his shoving match with Big Show was a huge “did you see that?” type of moment. Barker was funny when he needed to be and he was unintentionally due to the fact that it was Bob F’N Barker on Raw. The first pricing game was a classic moment due to Bob. Ventura was terrific in hosting the Breakthrough Battle Royal edition of Raw. It was nice to see a GM do some heelish tendencies like Ventura. He really looked like he was having fun out there and I got a kick out of the McMahon/Ventura announce team reunion. The worst guest hosts? Probably ZZ Top, the NASCAR dudes and Jeremy Piven/Dr. Ken.

13. THE BROCK LESNAR AWARD
To be given to the wrestler that is most likely to be the “next big thing” in 2010.
Winner: John Morrison
Runners-Up: Drew McIntyre, Kofi Kingston

If John Morrison isn’t holding either the WWE or World Title in 2010 then something is wrong. He’s been a solid performer in WWE for five years now and he’s really shined as an entertaining, athletic babyface that excites the crowd because of what he can do in the ring. I hope he wins the Royal Rumble and gets the title shot at WrestleMania because nobody deserves it more. McIntyre has impressed me on a weekly basis. I think he’ll get a quick push up the ladder. Kingston’s gone from midcard to near main event level and he’s delivered. I know Sheamus has already won a major title (last night at TLC) before these three, but I think long term they’ll have more potential in the ring because they can really go. The future is bright for WWE’s young stars…if they are made to look good by the established main eventers. That’s always the big if.

14. THE SMACKDOWN AWARD
To be given to the best WWE or John Canton word/phrase of the year.
Winner: Summerfest by Jeremy Piven
Runners-Up: Jerishow, KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~!
The People’s Vote: 1) Jerishow, 2) Vintage, 3) KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~!, 4) Summerfest, 5) John Chayna

Why is this called the Smackdown award? Because the Rock used that word in promos and not only did WWE name a show after it, but it made it into the dictionary. I’d say that’s impressive. The People’s Vote was pretty tight for this one, not surprisingly. There were just under 1000 votes with Jerishow beating out Vintage by just 15 while Vintage only beat KTFO~! by 1. Troglodyte finished sixth, just one vote behind Santino’s name for John Cena that we know as John Chayna.

There’s something about Summerfest that always makes me laugh. Apparently people within WWE found it hilarious too because during Summerslam weekend that’s what everybody was calling it. In case you forgot, Jeremy Piven was the guest host of Raw talking about Summerslam when he called it “Summerfest” with Cena quickly correcting him. If it was a new PPV I’d understand. However, for a PPV with 20 years of history behind it I found it funny that he got it wrong. I don’t know about you, but Summerslam will be forever known as Summerfest to me. I went with Jerishow in second and KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~! in third because I was very proud that all my writing of “Jerishow” in reference to Jericho & Big Show made it onto WWE TV. I’m pretty sure somebody in Commentfest came up with it first, but I sure did beat it into the ground, didn’t I? I have no problem taking full credit. The KTFO~! punch is something I really like seeing and it usually generates a loud “ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh” from the crowd, which proves it’s pretty over.

15. THE SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT AWARD
To be given to the best television show.
Winner: Friday Night Smackdown

No runner up. I guess Raw’s second with ECW in third although you could make a case for ECW being in second because Raw was so up and down all year. Smackdown was by far the better show compared to Raw with more elite feuds (Punk/Hardy and Jericho/Mysterio) while Raw barely put on great matches due to the fact that they would rather cater to the guest host. Smackdown beats Raw for this award due to superior feuds and matches even though the talent level is about the same. I like ECW most weeks. The hour just flows by, but it’s really just a developmental show for the most part. You can’t really compare it on the same level as the other two. As for Superstars, it started out with a bang with some good wrestlers working on that show. It hasn’t been as impactful since its infant stages, though.

16. THE BOBBY HEENAN AWARD
To be given to the funniest performer.
Winner: Santino
Runners-Up: Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels
The People’s Vote: 1) Santino, 2) Jericho, 3) Michaels, 4) Christian, 5) Miz

Why is it named after Bobby Heenan? Because I already named one after The Rock. In the People’s Vote, Santino doubled Jericho. Not even close. And it shouldn’t be. The dude is legit funny. Tony Atlas, with his fantastic laugh, finished in sixth place.

Santino wins because his character is supposed to be a slapstick kind of physical comedian. I’m a huge fan of his promos as well as his ring work with the dreaded cobra thumb to the eye move that he does. The best thing he does is mispronounce the names. That’s what consistently gets me going. I think if WWE Films keeps making films they need to seriously consider a comedy film with Santino in a starring role because the guy is not just pro wrestler funny, he’s legit funny. Jericho’s not as blatant with his comedy now, but his one liners are fantastic when he hides behind Big Show (remember the Shaq-Show confrontation among others?) and I always go back to how great he was with Bob Barker. How he didn’t bust out laughing during that I do not know. Michaels is in third. His comedic timing is amazing and his facial expressions are the best in the company in a comedic sense. I really like The Miz’s potential in being a funny guy with his promos over the next few years. They need to find the right edge for him to be taken serious, though.

17. THE MR. PERFECT AWARD
To be given to the wrestler(s) that is most poorly used (Is underused a good word?).
Winners: The Hart Dynasty
Runners-Up: Evan Bourne, MVP
The People’s Vote: 1) Bourne, 2) Christian, 3) Hart Dynasty, 4) MVP, 5) Swagger

Why is this named after Mr. Perfect? Because I loved him as a performer and I think he’s the best wrestler ever that never got to be a World Champion in WWE. The People’s Vote was pretty close here with Bourne edging out Christian by just 3%.

It’s interesting to me that people voted Christian. I’m a huge fan of the guy and I wish he was on one of the more important shows, specifically Smackdown. However, was he used poorly? If he was on Raw or Smackdown would he have wrestled on nearly every PPV like he did this year? I don’t know if that’s true. That’s why I omitted him from my top three. I went with The Hart Dynasty because I think they have the talent and chemistry to become one of the best tag teams ever if they were given the chance. I think WWE really needs to develop a legitimate tag division again because these guys can be stars if they have people to work with. Evan Bourne’s an awesome talent that fans generally like. He needs to be more than just a jobber. A guy like MVP, along with Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler, is apparently in WWE’s doghouse to end the year for reasons unbeknownst to me. I think all three of those guys are more than capable in the ring and are good at getting fans to react to them, yet management has obviously soured on all of them. It’s a shame. I hope they can earn the faith of management in the coming year.

18. THE WRESTLEMANIA X-7 AWARD
To be given to the best pay-per-view.
Winner: Summerfest! Also known as Summerslam.
Runners-Up: WrestleMania 25, Survivor Series
The People’s Vote: 1) WM25, 2) Summerslam, 3) Royal Rumble, 4) Survivor Series, 5) Extreme Rules

In the People’s Vote, WrestleMania beat Summerslam in a close race while everything else was a fair distance after those two.

Let’s look at my top three:
1) Summerslam – It had everything I look for in a great PPV. A match of the year contender in the main event (Punk/Hardy at ****1/2), a very good opening match (Mysterio/Ziggler at ***1/2), an excellent match in the middle of the show (DX/Legacy at ***3/4) and some other decent matches like Orton/Cena and Jerishow vs. MVP/Henry. The only thing I disliked was Kane/Khali, which wasn’t even THAT bad really. Some people were pissed that Christian/Regal was so short, but they had a great match on TV soon after.

2) WrestleMania 25 – A one match show, really. The Michaels/Undertaker match carried this. I think it was smart to start off with Money in the Bank although it wasn’t as good as other years. I can’t put this in the number one spot because I disliked HHH vs. Orton so much. Still, a show I’ll remember because of that one match. And I don’t mean the Diva Battle Royal.

3) Survivor Series – Solid from top to bottom. I liked the traditional Survivor Series matches, Undertaker/Jericho/Show was okay and the main event of Cena/HHH/Michaels was a very good main event.

It was a good year for WWE PPVs. I really didn’t think there were any stinkers (as you’ll see below). I can remember a lot of things from shows like No Way Out, Backlash, Night of Champions and Extreme Rules that I liked too. I don’t think it’s really fair to complain that much about PPV quality in 2009.

19. THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH ‘04 AWARD
To be given to the worst pay-per-view.
Winner: Breaking Point
The People’s Vote: 1) Breaking Point, 2) Bragging Rights, 3) Hell in a Cell, 4) The Bash, 5) Extreme Rules

In the People’s Vote, Breaking Point beat Bragging Rights by just 8 votes. I don’t know if BP, BR and HIAC were actually the three worst, or if they just got the most votes because they’re fresher in our minds.

It wasn’t a bad year for WWE PPVs. I give the company a lot of credit for generally putting on quality matches when they have a PPV. It’s rare that they’ll do a show with 10 matches on it that’s rushed so quickly because they want to go through everything (like in 1999). This year they really figured out a good PPV formula by having 7 or 8 matches on every show, giving all the matches about eight minutes or more and letting the wrestlers actually wrestle. My winner of this award, Breaking Point, wasn’t really bad at all. It had a couple of decent matches, but I was really disappointed in the main event ending with a rehash of Survivor Series 1997. Terrible booking. I think the submission PPV concept is not something WWE should consider doing again. No runner up for me. I can’t decide. My awards. My rules!

By the way, if you’ve ever seen the 2004 Great American Bash you know why it’s got a bad award named after it. The Undertaker vs. Dudleys Concrete Crypt match where Paul Bearer got buried in a glass casing of cement ended the show. It was so bad they had to issue a press release saying he was okay because people thought he might have been really dead. This is on top of a card that had the likes of Mordecai, Kenzo Suzuki and Luther Reigns going over in preliminary matches, not to mention JBL beating Eddie Guerrero for the World Title. Not a good show.

20. THE FOLEY GOES FLYING OFF THE CELL AWARD
To be given to the most memorable moment of the year.
Winner: The Undertaker/Michaels match
Runners-Up: Shaquille O’Neal shoves the Big Show, CM Punk cashes in Money in the Bank leading to his heel turn

When I think of 2009 in WWE, I’ll think of Undertaker/Michaels first. I’ll really think about those last five minutes where each guy was kicking out of finishers and the crowd was going nuts for all of it. That’s what I’ll remember most. The moment when Shaq and Show faced off earlier on that week’s Raw was great. Then, later in the show, when they went face to face and Shaq shoved him the place erupted. It’s the kind of thing that hopefully leads to a match down the road if Shaq’s willing to give it a try. When Punk cashed in MITB it was perfect because it set up his heel turn. People were so happy that Jeff Hardy won the title again, yet he only got to celebrate for about 10 seconds before Punk ran out. It made for a great story, which led to the feud of the year.

THE MINOR AWARDS
These are other awards/random thoughts that I basically made up off the top of my head without going into full details. There are 10 of them. I could probably do 30 of them, but this is a long enough column as it is.

Biggest Off Screen News Story: Shane McMahon Leaves WWE
This is absolutely huge. Don’t be shocked if he lands in UFC in early 2010 and I’ll feel bad for people that work for Vince because he’s not going to be happy knowing his son is working for a PPV competitor. I know WWE says UFC isn’t a competitor, but that’s bullshit. They compete for PPV buys every month.

The Feud I most want to see in 2010: Chris Jericho vs. Edge
I want to see it. I think we will see it. It might get started at WrestleMania or soon after. My runner up would be Jericho vs. Christian, for the record. I’d also like to see Morrison vs. Orton.

The Best Heel or Face Turn: CM Punk
Easy call. His face character was getting stale. His turn happened at the right time because Smackdown needed heels and against the right opponent in Jeff Hardy because it really got his Straight Edge persona over. Batista is in second. He’s a much better performer as a heel. He probably would have done the turn sooner had he not been injured in the spring.

One Move I’d like to see happen in 2010: Shawn Michaels – WWE or World Champion
One last time. Make it happen.

Best Finishing Move: CM Punk’s Go To Sleep
I strongly considered Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star Press, which is a thing of beauty, until I realize he didn’t win that many matches unless he got interference from Hornswoggle to beat Chavo.

Best Announcer: Jim Ross
Matt Striker would be in second. The rest are all interchangeable. Jerry Lawler is about ten times worse than he was ten years ago when he was great. Does that make sense? Anyway, the dude has slipped. A lot.

The Feud that was supposed to elevate somebody, but never really did: DX vs. Legacy
Hunter loses the belt to Orton because of Legacy, who were basically Orton’s lackeys. He recruits Shawn Michaels to reform DX at Summerslam. They win clean. A month later at Breaking Point, Legacy wins via tapout. A few weeks after that, DX beats them in dominating fashion at the Hell in a Cell PPV. What is Legacy doing now? They’re continuing to be Orton’s lackeys. Not elevated at all.

Best Move that Deserves Props: Changing No Mercy to Hell in a Cell
They got about 50,000 more PPV buys because of the HIAC name. A lot of people ripped it. They said it was stupid. It paid off, though. I’m in favor of the themed PPVs although the submission one was a bad idea.

Most Improved: Kofi Kingston
A lot of people would pick Miz. I would have picked him last year. This year it’s Kofi because he went from just another midcard talent to a future main event level performer. You know who else really improved to me this year? Cody Rhodes. A lot more comfortable on the microphone as a heel and he held his own in there during the DX feud.

Most Disappointing Injury: Edge
This is not even close. One of my ten favorite performers ever and in my top three among WWE people right now (with Jericho and Michaels). I am very excited for his comeback in the spring of 2010. Missed this guy a lot. I can’t imagine how good the Jericho/Edge duo would have been.

JOHNNY AWARDS FINAL THOUGHTS
This was such an up and down year for me. In 2007 I watched the least amount of wrestling in my entire 20+ year life as a wrestling fan basically because I was getting tired of the same old stuff, not to mention it was hard to feel the love for the business after the Benoit situation. Last year I came back post WrestleMania slowly because of how good the Michaels/Jericho feud was. Two of my all time favorites brought me back. Early this year around the Royal Rumble I started really watching again. I liked what I saw. Orton was getting a strong push, Michaels was still delivering in the ring and Jericho was the best at everything he did. I stuck it out and I feel rejuvenated as a fan again. I usually watch Raw and Smackdown off the DVR although I don’t find myself skipping that much especially on Smackdown. After the draft lottery we thought Raw was loaded. We were wrong. Smackdown has been the superior show with no signs of really slowing down. Writing two times a week (since May) has really helped me too. It’s renewed my interest in the product. Like I’ve written in the past, I consider WWE to be like a favorite sports team. I’m not going to love every decision they make, but I want the company to do well and I will always be a fan. I think sometimes the harder you are on something as a fan, the more it shows you care. The people that think everything is great all the time aren’t thinking enough on their own. Remember: Just because you criticize something doesn’t mean you dislike it.

I think WWE had a good year in terms of PPVs and some good matches, but I was disgruntled with all the title changes as well as their lack of developing top stars. Think about it on Raw. They really only had two main event feuds with Orton vs. HHH and Orton vs. Cena. That’s inexcusable. They have realized their problems, though, which is great. That’s why at the end of the year guys like Kingston, Sheamus and McInytre among others are getting serious pushes. That’s an encouraging sign for the future. I think the Raw guest host idea has been a hit or miss kind of thing. Some weeks it’s entertaining, but most of the time it’s not. I’d love to see a permanent GM on Raw again although I have no idea if WWE feels the same way. They seem to enjoy getting pub from mainstream TV even if they’re getting made fun of or it’s a minor thing. I guess any publicity is good publicity to Vince McMahon. I won’t complain too much about Smackdown. It was very good especially during the summer with strong matches on a weekly basis. Once Undertaker and Batista came back it slowed things down a bit, but Batista’s heel turn has freshened things up.

Here’s one last poll for you to vote on to see how you would rate the 2009 WWE year using 10 as the high and 1 as a low. I’m not putting in a zero. Round up or down as you see fit. I’m voting a 5.5, so I’ll round up and give it a 6 because I’m nice like that.

How would you rate the 2009 year in WWE?

(polls)

To finally bring this home, here’s a complete rundown of all the awards with my winners as well as the People’s Vote in brackets.

1. The Michaels/Flair Award for Best Wrestler aka Superstar of the Year – Chris Jericho (Chris Jericho)
2. The Trish Stratus Award for Best Female aka Diva of the Year – Mickie James (Mickie James)
3. The Giant Gonzalez Award for Worst Wrestler – The Great Khali (The Great Khali)
4. The Stone Cold/Hitman Award for Best Match – Undertaker vs. Michaels (Undertaker vs. Michaels)
5. The Diesel/Mabel Award for Worst Match – Divas Battle Royal (Chavo vs. Hornswoggle)
6. The Edge & Christian Award for Best Tag Team – Jerishow
7. The Big Show “KTFO” Award for who deserves to be KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT – Michael Cole (Raw writing team)
8. The Savage/Steamboat Award for Best Feud – Punk vs. J. Hardy (Punk vs. J. Hardy)
9. The Katie Vick Award for Worst Feud – HHH vs. Orton (Chavo vs. Hornswoggle)
10. The Mordecai Award for Worst Idea for a Character – Santina
11. The Rock Award for Best Talker – Chris Jericho (Chris Jericho)
12. The Vince McMahon Award for Best Guest Host – Shaquille O’Neal (Shaquille O’Neal)
13. The Brock Lesnar Award for the “next big thing” aka Future Star in 2010 – John Morrison
14. The Smackdown Award for Best WWE or John Canton Word/Phrase – Summerfest (Jerishow)
15. The Saturday Night’s Main Event Award for Best TV Show – Smackdown
16. The Bobby Heenan Award for Funniest Performer – Santino (Santino)
17. The Mr. Perfect Award for Most Poorly Used Performer – The Hart Dynasty (Evan Bourne)
18. The WrestleMania X-7 Award for Best PPV – Summerslam (WrestleMania 25)
19. The Great American Bash ‘04 Award for Worst PPV – Bragging Rights (Bragging Rights)
20. The Foley Goes Flying off the Cell Award for Most Memorable Moment – Undertaker vs. Michaels)

Congratulations to all the winners. To everybody else, better luck next year. If you made it through the 9,000+ words I appreciate that. It’s been fun to look back on the year 2009 and reflect on what we saw.

If you’re looking for my thoughts on last night’s TLC PPV, I posted it up at my blog right here. I’ll be back on Tuesday with the Raw Deal as usual.

Please give me some feedback on this. I want to know what you thought of the year and who some of your award winners were. My contact info is below. Also, please follow me on Twitter because I’m using it more than ever. It’s cool to be able to interact with you guys like that, not to mention the performers in WWE that we watch on a regular basis. I will likely be posting a bunch of feedback from this just as I did for my 29 Favorite Moments column.

Have a safe and happy holiday season whether you celebrate Christmas (I do) or something else. Enjoy it. Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
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Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

World Wrestling Federation presents RAW 3-15-1993
From: Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York

Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan and a rather terrible Vince McMahon impersonator welcome everyone to the show. They take awhile going over who is scheduled to be on the show tonight.

RAW Opening Video

Opening Contest: Razor Ramon versus Russ Greenberg
Ramon gets a pretty good baby face reaction yet again. Ramon will be facing Bob Backlund at Wrestle Mania IX. A complete squash match here, with Ramon winning following the Razors Edge in just over three minutes.

Commercials

A rather sad/disturbing video package of people suffering from hunger is shown. Randy Savage and Rev. Jesse Jackson make a statement regarding the “Headlock on Hunger” effort.

Second Contest: Typhoon versus LA Gore
Boring big man squash match for Typhoon. Not sure why Typhoon is getting squash matches. Typhoon wins following a big splash coming off the ropes.

Commercials

Bobby Heenan is seen yelling at the impersonator Vince McMahon. Looks like we are to believe that Heenan is getting messed with or doesn’t know what to do.

Bobby Heenan introduces the Giant Gonzalez. Gonzalez is at least 7’1’’ and 500 lbs with a hideous body suit. Gonzalez’s manager, Harvey Whippleman, is about 4’11. Harvey says that Gonzalez is his big surprise. Harvey believes that Gonzalez will bury The Undertaker once and for all. Gonzalez actually speaks and says that he has a “giant surprise for you”.

A Hulk Hogan video package is shown

Commercials

Third Contest: Papa Shango versus Bob Backlund
Seven minutes of a crappy match ends with Backlund winning with a small package.

Wrestle Mania Report. Highlights of Yokozuna destroying a jobber. A quick Money Inc. promo on the Mega Maniacs. The Undertaker cuts a brief promo on the Giant Gonzalez.

Commercials

Main Event: The Nasty Boys versus the Headshrinkers
Just a brawl between two brawling tag teams. They battle to a no contest and after the match they destroy each other with chairs and mustard.

A video package of WWF Superstars working with who are in need. In a rather interesting statement, Brian Knobbs says “if you smoke your really un-cool and a jerk”. Some nasty words.

Commercials

Gorilla Monsoon goes over next weeks show

End of show

My Take: The crowd was really pumped up for this show. Too bad for them, the show was rather awful. The last segment was a odd to me. Why the WWF would allow Knobbs to say something that mean and rude to children about smoking is beyond me. Giant Gonzalez is a horrible gimmick and his match with Undertaker can only be bad things. Found it kind of funny that even though Ramon and Backlund are facing each other at Wrestle Mania IX, their wasn’t any interaction between them. They were wrestling on the same show, i would expect Ramon to at least attack Backlund or something. Get some sort of build up for the match.

The John Report: WWE TLC 2009 Review
I watched the show tonight. I posted thoughts all night on my Twitter and Facebook pages, so what I’ll do here is post those collection of thoughts and maybe add a bit more where needed. It’s not going to be that in depth, though. All matches will have ratings on the five star scale, of course. The announcers were Cole, Lawler and Striker.

- Christian over Benjamin in 18 minutes to retain the ECW title. Great ladder spot with Christian hitting a frog splash onto Shelton, who was laying on a ladder to end it. The worst part of the match came when Christian suffered a legit cut and they had a medic come out to stitch him up. This never would have happened before WWE went to PG. And it’s fucking lame. Still, a very good ladder match from two guys that said they’d steal the show and they did. ****

- McIntyre over Morrison in 10 minutes to win the IC Title. Too short for my liking, but I assume we’ll get a longer rematch. Morrison hit Starship Pain although he failed to get the win because McIntyre’s foot was under the bottom rope. Then they did some spot with a belt, the ref threw it out, McIntyre hit a cheap shot to the eyes of Morrison (same thing he did to Finlay once) and hit his DDT for the win. Match was fine. The ref wasn’t very good. **1/2

Vince congratulated McIntyre. McIntyre did a quick interview when Sheamus told him that he wasn’t going to be the only one leaving with gold.

- McCool over James in 8 minutes to retain the Women’s title. They gave the girls nearly ten minutes, which his nice especially considering that Michelle and Mickie are among the better workers within the diva division. Good chemistry and a physical match. Michelle won after a distraction from Layla. Mickie turned around and Michelle pinned her with a boot to the head. I’m cool with Mickie losing because, as I wrote in my predictions, the feud should continue. This was as good as any divas match this year. Maybe the best. I’m too tired to think of others. **1/2

- Sheamus over Cena in 16 minutes to win the WWE Title. It was okay. I really dislike the tables match concept because they expect us to get excited about Cena jumping off the top rope onto the guy through a table when we all know it’s not happening. And why not just pick the dude up with a bodyslam through the table? It’s a silly gimmick. That’s all. The match ended with Cena going to superplex him, but Sheamus shoved him off and John went crashing through. Too soon for Sheamus? Maybe, but at this point I expect the title to move around every PPV. Post match they had Cena sell how broken up he was about losing. Never mind that he has held the belt twice in the past two and a half months. I guess they’ll be having a rematch, maybe as soon as Monday’s Raw. **3/4

- Undertaker over Batista in 15 minutes to retain the World Title. Batista won with a lowblow, then a chair to the head. Long came out, said the match isn’t over due to the lowblow. Match restarts. I guess only chairs are legal, but anything else is illegal. That’s the good thing about making up a match like a Chairs Match. Nobody knows the rules, so you can bullshit your way into a finish. Thirty seconds after the restart, Undertaker won with a tombstone clean. They’ve had better matches. I think a rematch at the Rumble is very likely. **1/2

- Orton over Kofi in 13 minutes. I was excited about this one. They did this cool spot where Kofi hops to the top rope quickly, then leaps off the top to the floor and Orton hits a beautiful dropkick. There was a point when Michael Cole said: “There’s a reason why Orton is a six time world champion.” Of course there is Cole, it’s because WWE books too many title changes. Orton won clean with the RKO. Let’s hope for a longer rematch because this was fun. ***1/4

- DX over Jericho in 24 minutes to win the Tag Titles. It was fine. They did some cool spots like DX picking up a huge ladder and suplexing it onto Jericho. Then they did a spotfest with HBK hitting the vintage elbow (yes he said it), Jericho’s Codebreaker, Hunter’s Spinebuster and Show’s spear. Everybody was laid out and for some unknown reason Big Show beat up the ladder. He did the KTFO punch to HHH, who had a chair in front of his face. Show put Jericho on his shoulders and walked him under the ladders although not before Shawn got back up. He superkicked him and Jericho went flying over the top rope, jaw first into the table. I assume he was supposed to crash through it, but was unable to get far enough. Hunter ended up holding one half of a ladder straight while HBK climbed to retrieve the belts (they had two of them hanging there) for the win. Some of the spots were good. It was just okay for a TLC match. ***1/4

To end the show Michael Cole said we’ve got two words for you: “Good night.” What a tool. Somebody punch him. Please.

- Overall, I’d give the show a solid 7 out of 10. Not a bad match on the show. There wasn’t a true match of the year contender, but the Christian/Shelton match was the match of the night and there was some newsworthy happenings with Sheamus, McIntyre and DX all winning belts. If you saw it you probably enjoyed the show. Not a bad way to spend three hours as a wrestling fan. Unless you love John Cena, I guess.

I’ll be back tomorrow with the 2009 WWE Johnny Awards and then on Tuesday with The Raw Deal, which will feature WWE’s Slammy Awards.

Thanks for reading.

The rule of the match is that the only way to win the match is by pin fall or submission and the chairs are legal in the match. Only Chairs are legal in the match. The match is pretty fast paced. Lot of chair shots, fast actions. Big moves.. The end came when Batista kicks out of Chokeslam and hits a low blow and a hard shot to skull and pins Taker.
But Teddy comes and restarts the match saying ONLY Chairs are legal, the dead man sits up , Chair shot to Batista and A tombstone and its the end as the phenom retains the title

Winner and still World Heavy Weight Champion : Undertaker