would write more, but … the title of this post seems to say all that i have to say at the moment.

the world/life is such a wonderful/mysterious thing.  it absolutely blows my mind how quickly EVERYTHING can change… or i guess, how quickly a person can change everything about their life.

[i guess i should give a little background information -- context is important after all]

after graduation, i decided to move with my then boyfriend of a year to sydney, australia — where he grew up.  i packed my entire life into 2 suitcases, and in january i said goodbye to everything and everyone in texas — with plans to be gone for at least a year.

the time i spent in sydney is hard to describe… without going into too much detail i will say –  i loved australia, and my choice to move there is something that i 100% do not regret, despite the fact that things didn’t turn out quite as i had anticipated.  i had so many amazing experiences and learned so much about myself and what i want/need out of life.

unfortunately, i also realized how easy it is to convince yourself that something you really want to work is working — when in reality, it’s just… not.

on may 21st i left sydney for a trip back home to see my friends and family — the plan was to be here for about 5 weeks.  considering it is now july 6th and i’m sitting at a cafe in texas… things obviously did not happen that way…

i can honestly say that i had no clue that i wouldn’t go back to my life in sydney… not even the tiniest hint that i would stay and leave everything behind like i did.  i guess it just took me stepping out of my situation to realize that it really wasn’t where i needed or wanted to be.  the strangest thing is how unaware i was of it at the time…

on paper, things could not have been better — and yet i had an overwhelming feeling that something wasn’t right.  at the time, the only explanation i could find for the disconnect between what i thought i should be feeling and how i actually did feel was to believe that something was wrong with me.  there i was, with everything i had ever wanted… my boyfriend, an amazing city, etc… but i wasn’t happy.

looking back on it now… it all seems so clear, i guess that’s why they say hindsight is 20/20.

when i arrived in the states – and finally allowed myself to take an honest look at what i needed and wanted in my life… the truth was extremely hard to swallow.  i knew that i couldn’t go back.  i knew that i had to start living for me… and i made a decision that i never thought i would make in a million years.

the relationship i left in sydney – was the first real… and definitely the best relationship i have ever had in my life.  it was in this relationship that i learned what it was like to have someone understand you completely – and still want you – for exactly who you are.  for the most part, it was perfect – effortless even… he was my best friend.  the fact that i had to end things is proof that unfortunately, love is not enough.  we were moving in different directions… and as hard as i tried to fight this, ultimately i realized that i couldn’t be the person he needed me to be without sacrificing a large part of who i am… which is something i wasn’t willing to compromise.

while i know i made the right decision for both of us… it doesn’t take away the sadness, the hurt, and the loss associated with losing my best friend.  i can only hope that one day he will understand that my decision was not one i ever wanted to make… and that i did it out of love and respect for both of us.  but, for now, i accept the fact i am responsible for the decision.

although it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do… there is something wonderful about the fact that at any given moment — you can completely change your life.  some things in life are simply not logical… it’s sooo important to follow your gut instincts, especially where your happiness is concerned – and i hope to never lose sight of that again.

[okay, wow... that was a whole LOT of context... i think i got a bit carried away... and there is so much more i could say -- but i'll move on now]

since i made my decision to stay, i have been completely free of ALL obligations for the first time in my life… and i have gone out of my way to make the most of this — which is why i referred to the last few weeks as a blur.  i’m moving forward with my life (which explains my title choice)… every day i can feel myself coming just a little bit closer to figuring out just what it is i want.  as long as i continue to make progress, i’m really not concerned about how long it takes me to get where i’m going… or even where it is that i’m going.  i know that i’ll get there, and in the meantime — i’m going to enjoy every second of this crazy and completely unpredictable life as best i can.

no regrets.

it is such a wonderful thing – to leave your home behind for a period of time – then to come back, only to find that pretty much everything and everyone you loved and missed is still there.  i have actually found myself fitting right back into my old life, but with a completely new perspective on the world and the way things work.  i have really enjoyed having a chance to appreciate the small things that i once considered mundane.  for example, when i first drove into texas, my best friends and i stopped into a mcdonalds for some free wifi and to charge our phones — a man wearing a cowboy hat opened the door for us.. we said thank you, and he said “no problem y’all… y’all have a nice day now”…

what only months earlier would have been a regular run of the mill exchange with a nice man in texas — actually made me cry.  (not hysterically… c’mon now)… but just a few happy tears at hearing something so familiar and truly feeling a sense of home completely surrounding me.

well, thats about all i have time for at the moment… many things to do and see here in good old austin texas… i’ll leave you with a picture from our road trip as well — from when we first crossed into texas — until next time…

background information:

(always necessary to set up a good story, in my opinion)… i had just graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with an undergraduate psychology degree and business foundations certificate… with absolutely NO idea what it was that i really wanted to do with my life (much less my degree).

a strange thing happens after the graduation celebrations have ceased… anyone and everyone comes out of the woodwork just to ask you what it is you plan on doing with the rest of your life.  people begin to look at you with the inquisitive eye that you know can only mean one thing — you have suddenly transformed into an “adult” … like it or not .. and you are now expected to “go forward and conquer”… because obviously you should know exactly what it is you want to do for the rest of your life immediately upon graduation..  i mean, the exams, studying, finals, (occasional social event), should have left you with plenty of time to systematically plan the rest of your life … right?

i think what really happens is that it throws off people’s ability to judge you.

think of it like little compartments, or boxes within people’s heads — one might say “student” another “lawyer” another “moron”… etc.  people like to keep the people they know (and know of) neat and tidy within these boxes.. SO — for the last … well, probably for the vast majority of your life — anyone and everyone who knows you has likely kept you (figuratively… of course) in the “student” box within their head.  BUT.. OH NO!? whats this!?  you’ve… uh.. graduated!?… suddenly you free yourself from this box… and it seems as though everyone’s TOP PRIORITY becomes figuring out which box to put you in… they can’t just have you roaming around… all “willy nilly” now can they?

haha.. oh wow.  anyway.  back to the story.

so i’m in that stage after graduation – where people are trying desperately to figure out what my next move is going to be.  some might say they’re just asking because they care about you and want the best for you… but im somewhat paranoid — and … no, its definitely the little box thing.

so i’m hanging out in houston one night… i think i just picked up pei wei.. (delicious).. when my dad (we’ll call him.. my dad) calls to tell me that his good friend.. who we’ll call MT.. has just stopped by and would love to have a quick catch up before i move to australia.  MT is a stand up dude, so i head home — honestly excited about seeing him.  we’re all just sitting around chatting… and then.. dun dun dunnnnn.. “the FUTURE” chat comes up.  so my dad, MT and i toss around various ideas for the rest of my life over my chinese take out…  after eliminating nearly all suggestions.. MT says “you know, you’d be a great blogger”… and something … really… strange happened.  i became extremely excited at this possibility.

fast forward a few months — i’m now living in sydney australia… and not a day has gone by that i havent thought about … well… writing a blog.  it was something i kept on the back of my mind at all times — you know, one of those pesky little ideas that you dont actively pursue… but wont go away…

so here comes the part about being motivated by a horoscope.  [i'll wait while you finish your long and likely drawn out eye-roll]…….  i must say .. or defend myself i guess… by saying that i have honestly never taken something i read in a horoscope seriously… i mean what is a horoscope anyway???…. another attempt by humans to control the uncontrollable?… well i guess its not as bad as religion… .  being the nerd that i am… i have taken the liberty of defining the word horoscope incase you were curious…. the oxford american dictionary defines it as follows:

horoscope |ˈhôrəˌskōp; ˈhärə-|noun Astrology

a forecast of a person’s future, typically including a delineation of character and circumstances, based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of that person’s birth.• a short forecast for people born under a particular sign, esp. as published in a newspaper or magazine.• a birth chart.

well… duh.  but let me get back to the story… (shit i can get sidetracked).  so back to two months after the blog idea piquing my interest in back in Texas… i’m sitting at a little cafe – and have just treated myself to a shiny new magazine (a whopping $7.50 that i probably didnt have to spend… but thats another story).

i read magazines cover to cover (in true nerd form)… and in this particular magazine — my horoscope threw me for a loop… or… propelled me toward actually pursuing this annoying idea that has been on the back of my mind for months (… the blog).  now — maybe horoscopes are just self-fulfilling prophecies… or maybe its that they’re written in such a way that literally anyone who reads them can find a way to make it fit their current situation… but for once i really dont care — this one really… uhh.. motivated me.

[i feel that i have taken so long to set up this story that no matter what the horoscope says -- it will be a let down]… but i’ve come too far now to turn back… so here it is:

CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 20):

“march is the month to examine every single aspect of the way you connect with other people — individually and en masse.  the issue can switch between your body language, voice, and vocabulary.  At other times the focus is purely the way you use the internet, or your ability to juggle smart phones, fax machines, and even the humble signed letter.  this is a time of innovation and progress for everyone, but for you the idea of being heard, read, watched or viewed in a new way is irresistible.  the benefits of becoming a champion of the most phenomenal internet, education or media revolution will become obvious by september.  start exploring today.”

ha — call me crazy, but even typing that out i feel motivated and excited and … just flabbergasted by that horoscope.  how much more specific could it have been?  after reading and re-reading the above paragraph numerous times… i immediately went to the closest place i could to buy a journal and began to write.

call me crazy…

its nothing i havent heard before, i can assure you of that.

motivation is a really strange thing… despite all efforts to motivate ourselves… humans largely fail … its things like.. crappy horoscopes in magazines, and what not that actually get us moving… hmm.

well – thats all for now… for this post at least.  these photographs remind me that if we’re not careful to stop and look around… we may miss something thats absolutely breathtaking.

after writing the last post – about the “mustached american” named domingo… i pulled out the card he gave me yesterday…

i always seem to find a way to do things in the wrong order.

anyway – i first sent him an email alerting him that i wrote a post about him… and asking him to please not be creeped out… (if you have to tell someone that, whatever it is you did is probably extremely creepy).

after i sent the email – i looked up the blog he had told me about.  if you want the epitome of modesty — this guy can give it to you.  he told me that it was a really rough blog, that he just did .. because he should.. kind of thing – with random photos he had taken and the like.

immediately upon opening… i was honestly speechless.  i know, i know – that sounds.. really.. uh … whats the word??? lame?  (thats all ive got right now).

if you dont believe me — check it out for yourself:

cargocollective.com/domingo

i can assure you it wont be a waste of your time.  (definitely not any more of a waste than reading this blog has probably been…)

its absolutely lovely – in such a true, original and honest way. (and i dont even know this guy… so … i have no hidden motivation for saying so).

enjoy.  i know i did.