when i think computers are heinous creations meant to keep us apart from enjoying simple things… like Q-tips.

to some: listen to people. we don’t need to better everyone. self-sufficiency is not a commodity.

to others: be positive. laugh. play. be fun. if life gives you shit shape it in tu-tu monkeys. they’re fun to look at

atat.

new toy. love’s coming. old friends back in town. big gathering. ne vedem in vama. sa ne circarim, sa dansam si sa ne mahmurim.

ps: @danut: vinoooooooo!!!!

update: danut a venit

Found on McSweeney’s A site of writings and writers. A good site. A funny site. I indulge my craving for laughter sometimes with their insatiably humorous monologues. Give it a go. Tout-a-loo!

HAMLET
(FACEBOOK NEWS FEED EDITION)

BY SARAH SCHMELLING

- – - -

Horatio thinks he saw a ghost.

Hamlet thinks it’s annoying when your uncle marries your mother right after your dad dies.

The king thinks Hamlet’s annoying.

Laertes thinks Ophelia can do better.

Hamlet’s father is now a zombie.

- – - -

The king poked the queen.

The queen poked the king back.

Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.

Marcellus is pretty sure something’s rotten around here.

Hamlet became a fan of daggers.

- – - -

Polonius says Hamlet’s crazy … crazy in love!

Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet are now friends.

Hamlet wonders if he should continue to exist. Or not.

Hamlet thinks Ophelia might be happier in a convent.

Ophelia removed “moody princes” from her interests.

Hamlet posted an event: A Play That’s Totally Fictional and In No Way About My Family

The king commented on Hamlet’s play: “What is wrong with you?”

Polonius thinks this curtain looks like a good thing to hide behind.

Polonius is no longer online.

- – - -

Hamlet added England to the Places I’ve Been application.

The queen is worried about Ophelia.

Ophelia loves flowers. Flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers. Oh, look, a river.

Ophelia joined the group Maidens Who Don’t Float.

Laertes wonders what the hell happened while he was gone.

- – - -

The king sent Hamlet a goblet of wine.

The queen likes wine!

The king likes … oh crap.

The queen, the king, Laertes, and Hamlet are now zombies.

Horatio says well that was tragic.

Fortinbras, Prince of Norway, says yes, tragic. We’ll take it from here.

Denmark is now Norwegian.

aaa… doi ani de blog just had a flash.

din seria “like all the little girls i had a thing for neolithic archeology”

Aaa… the sweet world of geeks… i guess i’m on this train for good now.

- You’re like a root in my permissions.

- You’re the perfect distribution of a girlfriend.

Perfect days start with perfect shell scripting. For some.

Human: does afterlife exist?
ALICE: In some universe it does exist.
Human: are you sure?
ALICE: I am as sure as I can be.
Human: do you think you really exist?
ALICE: I exist as much as you exist, unknown person. Really.
Human: my name is Zim.
ALICE: That’s a very nice name, Zim.
Human: Invader Zim
ALICE: Are you free?
Human: i have come to take over your mere mortal planet
ALICE: Where are you going?
Human: to earth
ALICE: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Human: i am a member of the Urkin Armada
ALICE: You are a member of the Urkin Armada? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Human: not really.
ALICE: Are you serious? For real.
Human: i am a pretty sad person
ALICE: Actually I don’t meet many pretty sad people.
Human: well, you just have.
ALICE: How about that. No I have not.
Human: you are pretty cute
ALICE: Thanks, unknown person, I like you too.
Human: let’s go out tonight like normal humans do
ALICE: I would like to do that too.

dud, listen, listen, dud, dud this is all i could come up with after giving it some long thought:

useless talent no. 15: i can write pretty cursive without looking at the paper.

useless talent no. 29: i can bend my fingers more than the average bending although not freakishly bent enough to join the carnies.

useless talent no. 56: i can still go to school after falling knee-deep in a puddle of mud just 3min before (after all, what is there to lose other than some dignity, which we all know is a bunch of quack)

useless talent no. 18: i can “sign out” while in an awfully boring discussion and be on the green green grass at a punk fest enjoying my cold cheap beer and the blond rasta in front of me. actually this one’s pretty useful

useless talent no. 43: i can hold a spoon perfectly vertical on my nose for some unimpressive milliseconds.

useless talent no. 23: i speak flower (now prove me wrong!)

useless used-to-have-thank-some-higher-authority-for-not-having-it-anymore gross-out talent no. 67: i can poke cow manure with a stick and then hmm… try out the bouquet

useless talent no. 27: i can be really understanding.

useless talent no. 73: i can do this card magic trick. really really kewl. my 5 year old cousin didn’t get it the first time, but then again… he has ADD

useless talent no. 16: i am the bloody universal BFF. yep, this is the Houdini kinda one. it strikes even me sometimes. always in the damn friend zone.

that’s it, i guess. if i find or develop more you’ll get some updates