…i am a bitter, bitter man. bitter may be the best word to describe be. well, maybe hungry. but bitter is in there. like a mug of straight up black columbian coffee. or a 99% cacao dark chocolate. nose-scrunching bitter.

so keep that in mind as you read this.

TODAY i tried the chicken enchilada grilled stuft burrito from taco bell. yes. i love taco bell. we’ve been over that. so of course i’m gonna pick up their “new” (re-released) chicken enchilada burrito.

it looks much the same as their regular grilled stuft burritos on the outside, and on the inside it looks like any old taco bell anything you’ve ever seen: bullshit. (bitter-o-meter: 6) they don’t use anything new or interesting in this thing; they just slop a whole bunch of the same old stuff, including “red sauce”, which i never quite got the deal with (check out the enchirito). in fact, the only difference between this and the regular grilled stuft chicken burrito is instead of pepper jack sauce and fiesta salsa (awesome), they use sour cream and red sauce (awful). (bitter-o-meter: 7) then they slap that thing on the grill and pop it out for you, and they expect you to pay $3.50 for it!!

my first bite was all sour cream. my second bite was all sour cream. third and fourth, much the same. by the time i got to the real content of the burrito, i was so disillusioned with it all that i started to think that maybe taco bell isn’t the most authentic mexican food available… (bitter-o-meter: 8) but by the end of the burrito, i actually was feeling quite stuft myself (…bitter-o-meter: 3?) – STUFT WITH CORPORATE AMERICA’S HATE-LIES!!!! (bitter-o-meter: 10!!)

okay… so honestly it’s not that bad or anything. typical taco bell fair, nothing special. it costs too much for me to warrant buying again, but wasn’t disgusting or anything. just not my favorite. the real problem here is that today… today i found out they stopped selling my beloved chicken flatbread sandwich. it was my favorite! 99¢! delicious! it was a good deal!!!! the best. the best. and finding this out ruined my meal.

…i told you i was bitter.

RIP

Chicken Flatbread Sandwich
2010-2010

it’s jimmy john’s gourmet sandwiches! GOURMET! and they offer free smells! well that’s nice. good for them. good for all of us.

jimmy john’s is a little chain of sandwich shops spanning across the country in over 1000 locations… so i guess it’s not really little at all. but its not huge! it’s not “the man”. it’s like… on the brink maybe. like those jedis who kind of dabble in the dark side cause it makes ‘em better fighters. but they still fight for good and are on the light side. and stuff.

wow that got away from me a bit. so jimmy john’s is a restaurant with speed and a sense of humor. and sandwiches. so they got that covered. they’re typically set up like a subway, with seating around a counter at which you order and they make your sandwiches. this particular jimmy john’s is in a small plaza across fowler from the university mall. the staff is friendly, and frankly, perhaps a bit too cool for sub shop employees. but that kind of goes with their shtick. there seems to be a relaxed, laid back kind of attitude to jimmy john’s, and that sense of humor found on their website and their neon signs appears to be present in their employees too. so that totally sets you up to be amazed when the sandwich comes out before you ordered it.

i got a combo with the vito (an italian sub… their sandwiches all have wacky names, like “the ultimate porker”). the combo, like at most sub places, comes with a drink and a bag of chips or a cookie. they make their own potato chips and their own cookies too, so either way you’re going to win. and less than a minute after i ordered, my sandwich was ready – i didn’t even have time to fill my drink all the way.

this is the vito. their sandwiches come on an eight inch homemade french bread roll, and are packed with delicious fresh ingredients. by the way, the fresh ingredients are jimmy john’s claim to fame. they use really good meats and slice them fresh, and the same goes for their vegetables. and the cheese too! the vito comes with salami and capicola, provolone, onion lettuce and tomato, dressed with an italian vinaigrette. you can also get hot peppers on them, which i most certainly did. the meat was delicious… real deli flavor. and the cheese was really good too. the vegetables were nice and fresh, but really nothing special. the peppers were definitely a nice touch, and the vinaigrette was really good. the bread was perfect.

the chips were nothing to scoff at either. i picked jalapeño, naturally. they are also homemade, and a quick look over the ingredients reveals that they are, in fact, pretty much just potatoes and salt. they are super crunchy and the perfect amount of salty. they had a light jalapeño bite to them, but nothing so hot as to require a drink; it was almost more of a suggestion of the pepper than the full on flavor, which worked really well. i rationed these out so i could snack on them all day.

jimmy john’s is definitely a nice alternative to any ordinary sandwich shop. their prices are comparable, but the product is definitely superior to any subway or quiznos or blimpies (do those exist anymore?? remember blimpies?). i’d have to say it’s not quite as good as the nearby lenny’s or jersey mike’s, but its personality and speed are reason enough to give it a visit every now and then. or get it from home! they deliver.

UPDATE: they just opened up another jimmy john’s location this tuesday, in new tampa. it is near the muvico and lee roy selmon’s, at 17521 preserve walk lane.

as you should all well know, today is a very important day for america. it is around this time of year that americans are called upon to do their great civic duty, to celebrate their freedom to choose. the masses turn out in great numbers to experience this most incredible and life-changing event. i speak, of course of the great american institution that is:

THE MCRIB SANDWICH

yes, the mcrib sandwich from mcdonald’s. this on-again, off-again mcdonald’s favorite seems to always creep back into mcdonald’s restaurants around november in this part of florida. but what’s so special about this year in particular is that not only do we get it, right on schedule, but the entirety of america gets it along with us. yes, americans from coast to coast are now able to dig their meaty paws into this delightful little sandwich, and i for one have never been more proud to be an american.

i have had a love for the mcrib since i was a kid. whenever it was available, i would always get one. it was like an addiction, with a once-a-year fix. in fact, i became so desperate for delicious rib-shaped patties covered in barbecue sauce, that i would buy knock-off mcribs in the frozen food section at the grocery store. they were okay, but they were never a match for the real thing.

the slightly tangy sauce, the wacky hoagie bun, onions and pickles, and that meat. that strange… mysterious “pork” meat. what the hell is that stuff?

yeah. well it tastes good. and really, isn’t that all we ask of our fast food? i mean, you know when you go to a mcdonald’s that you’re not going to be eating anything of any sort of real nutritional value; all you want is that sweet mcdonald’sy taste. so a fake pig-like rib meat, shaped into a disgusting rib wannabe shape – that’s fine. just make it salty.

for you die-hard mcrib fans out there, there is a way to track them throughout the down periods of the year. the mcrib locator is a useful web tool that users can contribute to by submitting mcrib sightings across america. obsessed individuals can find their way to the closest mcrib to them through the map, and if that means driving three hours away just to taste that messy thing, then so be it.

the mythic mcrib is such a masterwork that even the simpsons has an episode where the entire b story is a parody of the sandwich, which they call the “ribwich”.

that’s not from the ribwich episode, that’s just a clip from back when the simpsons used to be funny. it’s easy to get nostalgic for those simpler, more pure times. just like it’s easy to get nostalgic for the mcrib. in fact, i just ate one and i’m feeling nostalgic for them already!

so be a real american – get a mcrib! once the stomach ache sets in, you’ll feel the same pride you would have if you’d not forgotten to vote.

gator’s dockside. REAL FLORIDA CASUAL DINING. none of that pansy-ass georgia casual dining. originating in jacksonville, gator’s dockside finally fills that giant gap we’ve been feeling in the sports bar/grill realm. at last we can eat wings and watch sports on tv, right here in florida! thanks, gator’s dockside!

alright well now that the ridiculous sarcasm is out of the way, i can get on with the review. gator’s dockside, on fowler just east of 56th street, is exactly what you’d expect out of a sports bar – television, beer, a good amount of indoor seating, some outdoor seating, and a lot of dudes. pretty standard. so what makes them so special? THE WINGS.

yeah. it’s another wing review. AWESOME!!! gator’s dockside has a whole bunch of wing sauces. and wing styles. variety excites me!

BUT i guess i’m getting ahead of myself. we of course ordered an appetizer. they have a good selection to choose from, including fried gator tail (which is apparently “their most popular”). in retrospect, i really should have ordered some gator tail. instead, we got this:

this is a bowl of what they call “gator taters”, which consists of country style potatoes, cheese (cheddar and mozzarella), bacon, and a “secret” layer of delicious ranch dressing. so it’s pretty much a bowl of awesome. it’s rather good, though it is something that i think would be hard to mess up. it would have been nice if there was more of it, and also i prefer fries because you can pick those up by hand. check out outback steakhouse’s aussie cheese fries… same concept, better execution. but either way, delicious.

okay so on to the wings. gator’s dockside features fifteen different sauces, listed above. they also offer their wings in one of three ways: gator’s famous “grilled wings”, breaded “gator wing”, and naked “buffalo wing”. so you got grilled, breaded and fried, or just fried. you can also get your wings in the “boneless” style, but that automatically makes you a pathetic loser.

i ordered sixteen grilled wings (which is their recommended style, and what they’re likely best known for), half “gator’s own” hot (on the left), and half “scooter” (on the right), which was recommended by the server, who said it was their most popular sauce. scooter sauce, as i recall, is half barbecue, half honey garlic. so it’s another sweet/savory combination sauce.

the wings, having been grilled, had a nice char on them, and a slightly smokey flavor to the meat. the scooter sauce wing, on top, glistened with saucy goodness; the hot wing was not nearly as seductive. now, bear in mind that the menu recommends the hot sauce (that’s what that little gator by it meant), naming it “gator’s own”, but apparently couldn’t give two shits about the scooter. but the hot sauce was totally lame! okay, well maybe not totally. but it packed little to no punch at all! as far as i can tell, 3 pepper suicide is the only thing on the menu that might actually be hot, and it will kill you if you eat it! weak. but despite not being spicy, the gator’s own hot sauce had an alright flavor; it was pretty run of the mill wing sauce.

the scooter sauce was much more interesting, with a very light garlic taste, but mostly a sweet barbecue flavor came through, and i quite liked it. the sauce was also thicker and stickier, which i think served it well. the only problem with it was that the flavor was not pronounced enough… it was rather light, and the taste of the char overpowered it into oblivion on some bites. i really would have liked more flavor. i’d ask for an extra side of the sauce.

so in summation, i can’t say that gator’s dockside is a favorite of mine, but the wings were alright, and i might go back. grilled wings is a nice touch to have in a world of fried wings, especially for what is more or less just a sports bar. oh except for on tuesday nights. apparently tuesday nights are for kids, and they have clowns and shit. avoid that.

THIS PLACE was the first place i ever got boba at. that was back in 2004, i believe. honestly, i don’t remember what it was called back then, but now it’s known as boba internet cafe (that’s a link to their myspace, which may not have been updated since 2008). since my inaugural visit to this boba hut near the university mall, i have been hooked on the stuff. also, since then, they’ve changed ownership. i think that was around 2006. in addition to ownership, they’ve changed just about everything else.

it used to be very simple on the inside, with a counter at which to order and pick up your drinks, some seating around the area, and a wall full of photos of people who visit. all that’s been held over from those simple days are the large cup-shaped menu signs behind the counter listing their various drink options. now there are video games, a stage, and the preparation area is sealed behind a gigantic plastic box, through which you can watch the employees making the drinks. it’s actually very strange; i don’t know exactly why the guy constructed this thing, but uh… more power to him?

so you order your drink (outside of the box, so the register is totally open for robbery if you’re into that sort of thing), and then wait around for them to make your drink. once it has been prepared, the guy behind the box uses a microphone to announce what drink is ready, and passes it through a small hole in the box.

i’d like to imagine that the box has been constructed to keep out germs, as the owner has grown paranoid from years of exposure to unbathed college students. i didn’t see him handling any money, and maybe i saw him curled up in the fetal position and shaking in the corner? maybe!

so i ordered my standard taro milk tea, and this is what i got. right off the bat, i’m disappointed that it’s not the typical purple color i expect from taro. and the taste is… well it’s not taro. it tastes like the traditional taiwanese milk tea, except maybe a bit more bitter. i’ve had taro tea from many different places, as well as other taro flavored products, and this does not taste like taro. and strangely enough, it’s been like that since before the change of ownership. i don’t have any explanation for it. worst of all, the tea was not very strong in its flavor; it tasted like a mix powder (which i believe they usually are, at least but most places don’t taste like it).

the boba itself, the tapioca balls, are not really well prepared here. they were undercooked, and at least one of them was still starchy and powdery on the inside (a most unpleasant experience). it was really disappointing, but not surprising. i’ve always felt let down by this place, and this was the first time i’ve been there for over three years. i just stopped going once i realized i didn’t really care for their product.

BUT of course on the other hand, it is a nice hangout. they occasionally have live music, and they have different groups meeting there now and then. they have a whole bunch of games to occupy yourself with. and i assume there is some sort of internet connection. in fact, if it weren’t for their drinks, i’d probably go there all the time. but in the end, that’s all that matters to me. so i have to say no to boba internet cafe. sorry guys! go to got tea instead.

wait… hold on… more like BLOW-ba internet cafe? uh boba interNOT cafe? don’t make me boba internet LAFE? ahhh… whatever.

this is acropolis, new tampa (in the same plaza as mr. dunderbak’s, on bruce b downs). now, maybe i’m not “hip” or “cool” enough to know this first hand, but i’m pretty sure that this place turns into a club of some sort at night. and they have hookah available, and sometimes even live music. they also have belly dancer. obviously this type of social interaction is beyond me, thus my lunch visit to acropolis.

acropolis is a nice, large place, with both indoor and outdoor seating. it’s a bit classier than my usual haunt, which is nice for a change i suppose, but sort of removes it from my standard hangout list. i mean, i went in wearing flip flops, and i felt alright about my decision, but i felt under-dressed. it’s got atmosphere, you know? and napkins everywhere. that kind of classy. and the serve food!

so my friend ordered these dolmades. they are stuffed with rice and “greek herbs”, which could be anything. my friend is a big fan of these little grape-leaf wraps, whereas i am just okay with them… i’ll eat them, but i wouldn’t order them myself. she really likes acropolis’ dolmades, and i actually enjoyed them quite a bit too. they were milder than the dolmades i’m used to, which is nice because they are usually a bit much.

now spanakopita… that i like. i ordered this dish for us. i love this stuff… it’s like the dirty hippie cousin of quiche (a dish i also thoroughly enjoy). they prepare this fresh (or maybe they just forgot i ordered it) because it took some extra time to come out, but it was totally worth it. usually the spanakopita i get it kind of thin and flakey; this one was thick, packed with spinach and feta and whatever other madness goes inside, packed between some pretty intense pastry dough. it was very good.

of course i had to get a side greek salad, because greek salad is the best. it came with some sort of raspberry greek dressing, which was actually quite good (though not traditional greek dressing good). the salad was packed with high quality tomatoes, peppers, onions, black olives, and a nice chunk of feta cheese, but the lettuce was a bit wilted. still, i was glad to have ordered it, because it was delicious.

and yes, the coup de grâce: THE GYRO!! i was able to take like three bites out of this before i was totally stuffed… i always get way too much food! STUPID… real stupid. but it was delicious. the onions and tomatoes were great, and the tzatziki was delicious (it almost tasted like a sweet icing… perhaps i was growing delusional from food stroke). the pita was exceptionally good; where ordinarily i would not think twice about it, this pita tasted fresh, pillowy, and a bit crisp. and the meat was perfect. acropolis does a great job of seasoning their meat. GOOD ON THEM, i say.

good on them.

all in all, a great meal. and they offer a discount for usf students! take advantage of that. i apologize for not being able to speak of their club-like after hours atmosphere, but honestly i don’t care much about that anyway. i will likely go back here, or to one of their other locations (the ybor one is good), because even though the atmosphere is not so much up my alley, the food is just really high quality and totally worth the visit.

check it out!

taco bell does a pretty good job of coming out with new items. they do this all the time. it’s too bad all their food is just a new combination of all the same old stuff. or, in this case, just a GIANT FUCKING CHALUPA.

an unoriginal concept, and kind of ridiculous at that. but of course i’m going to buy a huge glorified taco! it’s pretty much the same as a regular chalupa, with all the same toppings as the ‘supreme’ chalupa, plus nacho cheese sauce and “red strips”, which are flavorless strips of corn tortilla chips. and it’s been… embiggened.

it was actually not bad! well, i don’t know why i was surprised about that, really. it was just a big chalupa! it held together well, and i was able to eat it by hand, though i have heard horror stories from others that it’s sometimes far too ‘intense’ to pick up (soggy and falling apart). it was jam packed with toppings, which was nice, and they all blended together well (except those stupid stale red strips… boo). but all in all, it’s a bit cumbersome to deal with, and i enjoy the different style options available on regular chalupas. the chalupa XXL is really nothing more than a novelty.

along with the giganto-chupa, i tried the new salsas: verde and fire roasted. the verde had a prominent aroma right out of the package, and by itself tasted pretty much exactly like you’d expect a tomatillo salsa to taste like; there was a bit of a bite, but mostly just a kind of refreshing flavor. but it was weak… i could hardly taste it, even when the taco i had it with was slathered in it. but the fire roasted salsa was actually quite good! it has a warm, spicy scent, and the flavor has a nice robust bite to it. it tastes a bit smokey, and generally has more going on than the regular taco sauces. i liked it! i’ll use it again.

…assuming i don’t die from all the taco bell i’ve been eating.

tea is fucking awesome. i love tea. and this is coming from a dude who enjoys beverages. though it may not be well represented in this blog, i could be called a ‘soda fiend’. i love all different types of sodas, and i love trying new types. i was pretty much raised on the stuff. instead of milk, my baby bottles were filled with coke. i enjoy the fact that drinks can become more than just a thirst quencher; a hot chocolate in the winter is not just a means of staying hydrated. and tea is the queen of the beverages. i say this because, honestly, what is more elegant than a drink coming from the leaves of a plant? from berries, or from a flower? it’s nature at its best, and its simplest, and it is beautiful.

and this is exactly what kaleisia tea lounge delivers. this is a place that recognizes that beauty, and shares it with the world. kaleisia is on fletcher avenue, next to the wooden nickel(!) and the brass mug, unlikely neighbors for such a sweet a pure shop. god bless you, tampa! it’s a quaint little place, with a bit of seating outside, below their large building-side mural. the inside is comfortable and relaxed, with art adorning the walls, cushy sofas to sit on, a shelf full of board games, and a bit of music playing to add to the atmosphere. suffice it to say, it is a nice place to hang out. the staff is very friendly, and always willing to put up with our joking and light conversation.

the main attraction here is the tea, which is completely on display for the customers on the wall opposite the counter where you order. the wall of tea has an overwhelming amount of loose-leaf tea containers sitting on it, all with color-coded labels to let you know not only what type of tea it is at a glance, listing each specific ingredient inside, and organized into broad categories like sweet, flowers, herbs and spices, etc. it is extremely approachable, for everyone from a tea newb to a tea fanatic.

so you stare at the wall for a few minutes until the shock wears off, then grab a container, open it up, and sniff. sniff it. yeah. then put it back, grab another one, and sniff it. sniff it good. lather. rinse. repeat. until you’ve found what you’re looking for! and you’ll know.

their huge selection is great; they have everything from light fruity teas to strong rooty teas, with temporary seasonal selections as well. i believe a lot of the tea is kind of a rotating stock; it seems like each time i go i find something new. but you’ll definitely always find something you’re interested in.

oh yeah, and i almost forgot – they have boba. yeah. boba. as i mentioned/raved about in my review of got tea?, boba is sweetened tapioca balls thrown into a drink. and they are awesome. so in addition to having an incredible loose-leaf tea brewed just for you, ordered at your level of sweetness, iced or hot, you can have little chewy balls of awesome in it.

also, they have an entire selection of vegan friendly food items, and some pastries as well. i always go just for the tea, but if you’re in the mood for a bite to eat, they have a whole snack menu of options to choose from. the selection seems to change quite often. pictured above is a brownie cookie, which is somehow a cookie on the outside, but a brownie on the inside! WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!?!

it was delicious.

so my friend and i ordered a couple drinks, and sat down and chatted for a while. i choose a black currant black tea, sweet (i always get sweet…). it had a nice full black tea flavor, perfectly accented by very noticeable notes of fruity currant. and they always sweeten it just right. the boba was a little overcooked for my tastes, but that is not always an issue here. i do have to say that this is not my favorite place to get boba, but it is the best tea i’ve had in the area. they have an obvious respect for tea and tea culture, and you can taste it.

okay, this review has spun out of control; it’s way longer than it needs to be. all i’m going to say is that you should go to kaleisia. it’s a great hangout, a chill environment, and run by good people. OH AND THEY DO LIVE MUSIC! they have events! OH GOD A WHOLE EVENT CALENDAR!!!!! they have workshops! host private parties! free tea! free boba!! HAPPY HOUR! this is clearly much more than just a tea shop, but at its heart, that is all it tries to be.

so i went to krystal burger and tried their new “game time wings”. actually, i tried like five different items there. it seems that every time i go to krystal, i have to order just about as many different items as i can think of at the drive through menu. it’s sick. but it always results in a corn pup, so it’s okay. [try their corn pups!]

so i wasn’t expecting a whole lot from this. drive through wings are rarely a good thing, although to be fair, they are pretty rare altogether. they have three varieties: hot ‘n wild, zingin’ buffalo, and somkin’ bbq (all featuring mouthwatering apostrophes!). i was a bit confused at the window, and ended up ordering hot ‘n wild, though if i had another chance, i’d have gotten zingin’ buffalo. ah well. regrets.

they took a little extra time to cook than the rest of the order, and they came out hot, with a side of blue cheese… or ranch. i dunno which. i didn’t use it. the wings themselves were really small, dinky even. in fact, i thought that i had just gotten an order of chicken nuggets (does krystal even make chicken nuggets?? i hope not), because they were so small, and they had breaded and fried exteriors. but alas, they were just tiny. they had a good bite to them, although nothing extraordinary, but there was nothing wet about them outside of the tender chicken meat. i really do prefer a wet wing to a dry one, regardless of flavor.

all that i can really say that i liked about these was they tasted like a nice fried chicken with decent spices. but right next to krystal is a popeyes, AND a church’s! so it’s like… why bother? i wouldn’t again.

but i will go back for all their other awesome food. corn pups, anyone?

eat corn pups.

salem’s gyros and subs (this one is on fletcher and 23rd street) is a small chain localized around tampa bay that sells gyros. and subs. yeah, they were serious about that. they also sell wings and burgers and other fried delights. they typically have a drive through, which makes it really convenient when you want to pick up something normal fast food places don’t usually sell when you’re on the go, like a gyro or wings, but their food doesn’t suffer for it. now, i’m not going to claim they make the best food of all time, and i haven’t really tried much of their stuff, but that is because when i go there, i go for the gyro.

i’m well aware that this looks gross. you have to look past the disgusting…

specifically, i get the #4 combo, which is a gyro, fries, and a drink. it comes out to about 9 dollars, which is a bit pricier than i remember, and than i’d like to pay, but they do make a pretty great gyro, so it’s worth it. the meat is delicious, extremely well seasoned and plentiful. in fact, they pack more meat on these things than is necessary. and that’s awesome. they come with onions and tomatoes, and of course are slathered with tzatziki sauce. it’s amazing as is, but every time i go, i order a side of wing sauce (not hot sauce… their “hot sauce” is packets of that crappy chinese hot sauce), throw that on top of the gyro… and i basically go into a pleasure coma.

the fries… they are forgettable. i have had their wings, but actually don’t remember how they are. but the GYROS!!

this is pretty much my current favorite gyro in tampa. i should probably try more. i remember a good place on kennedy that i should try again. but if you have a salem’s in your area, go there and get a gyro. they’re quick and they’re open late. you’ll enjoy it.

yikes. who came up with this one? a burger featuring butter as its main special ingredient? i want to die as much as the next person, but do i really want to die today??

well, after months of casually joking about it (“wtf a butter burger?”, “let’s get butter burgers!”, “oh yeah, i’m totally going to order and eat that.”, “doctor, seriously, i want a butter burger… is there something wrong with me?”), we finally came to the conclusion that we actually did want to give it a try. but we decided that eating an entire butter burger would be too much, and that we’d split it in half. and so we did.

and there it is! the slimy butter burger! topped with a slice of cheese and some grilled onions. it almost just seemed like a greasier steak burger. we dug right in, and were shocked, and shamed, to find that it actually wasn’t bad. there was butter loaded into every nook and cranny of this monstrosity, and that worked in its favor. it turns out that the butter serves to bring out the flavor of the steakburger meat itself, which is a nice change from my usual order of a steakburger covered in all sorts of goodness. the grilled onions are fine on there, and the cheese is pretty much lost in the madness of all that butter. it is, of course, greasy, but it’s such a simple overall flavor that it works.

an interesting side note – i also tried the western ‘n bacon steakburger, and i prefer the butter burger. no foolin’.

i sadly recommend trying this stupid thing. probably best split between two people, and maybe not more than once in a lifetime, but check it out. it’ll give you an renewed appreciation for the basic goodness that steak n’ shake consistently serves up every day.

i tried taco bell’s NEW chicken flatbread sandwich today. and i was not expecting much from this thing. the commercials make it look a lot like their regular chicken quesadillas (which i’m quite partial to), except made on a flatbread, and smaller. and they already did that with their quesadillas! they had QUESADILLA XL or XTREME or SUPERBIG a while back, which was just the quesadillas on a thicker flatbread, with a different sauce. so, as i said, not expecting much.

okay, basically any actual fast food photography is gonna look like shit, so you’re just going to have to trust me on this, but this little crappy looking thing was actually pretty great! it was a bit like the quesadillas, as i had thought, but really, there were a lot of differences. of course, it is smaller, but the thick flatbread is quite filling (and actually tastes really good, just a bit warm and toasty). there seemed to be quite a bit more chicken in this than there is in the quesadillas, so that is a plus, with a little less cheese. the best part is the sauce, though. they use a “chipotle sauce” of some sort (everything has chipotle sauce these days), which has a nice spiced flavor i couldn’t quite pin down. it had a bit of a bite to it, which was a really nice touch.

for just a buck, this thing is totally worth it! it’s not huge, so it won’t fill you up, but there’s enough unique about this that it stands out on the menu, and holds its own. try it out!

UPDATE: since i wrote this entry, i have ordered at least one chicken flatbread sandwich every time i’ve gone to taco bell, which is probably around once a week. just a testament to how much i ended up enjoying these things.

UPDATE 2: …they have discontinued the chicken flatbread sandwich. words cannot express my grief.

UPDATE 3: ITS BACK!!! they are bringing the chicken flatbread sandwich back for a limited time, starting september 5th!! god bless america.

it’s a fine italian restaurant! CDB’s pizza/italian restaurant has been around since forever. when my parents went to usf, they went to cdb’s. i’m pretty sure the original owner of cdb’s was this guy. so it’s a place with some history. and a restaurant that’s been around for that long has to be doing something right. and yes. yes they are. they do it all right. alright.

cdb’s looks like a prison or a dungeon on the inside. it is dark and bricky. it has an old taverny type feel to it. there is a bit of lighting on the tables themselves, and there are a few TVs (why do restaurants have to do this?!?@), and the jukebox in the corner puts off a bit of light, but otherwise it’s kept pretty dimly lit. there is a bar, and there are bars on little glassless windows inside the place. it has a very unique feel. here’s a picture, but it kinda looks like shit because it’s so dark inside.

the best part of CDB’s is, of course, their food. they have huge wacky grinders (chicken parmesan, eggplant, meatball, sausage, club, and their signature “hard hat special” with ham, salami, roast beef, pastrami, pepperoni, and melted cheese – all incredibly delicious), full on pasta dinners of all sorts, big salads, and other italian dishes. and then they have pizza. their glorious pizza. but i’m getting ahead of myself!

my friend and i sat down and ordered up some fried green tomatoes to start with. they were thickly breaded, which i’m not really used to, but they were good nonetheless. the inside retained the unique green tomato flavor, and was hot and fresh. the breading was a bit much though. they came with a weird “comeback” sauce, which apparently is mayonnaise with chili sauce, mustard, ketchup, and hot sauce. weird. it didn’t do much for me, but then i hate mayonnaise-based anything. especially mayonnaise-based mayonnaise.

AND THEN THERE WAS:

PIZZA. now you can’t tell me that this doesn’t look like an amazing experience! LOOK AT THAT CHEESE! it punched me in the face. CDB’s pizza is like the halfway point between a regular pan pizza and a deep dish pizza. each time i’ve gone here, i’ve had to resort to eating it with fork and knife. it’s thick and messy. the toppings are HUGE here, fresh and abundant. we got the “CDB” special, which has pepperoni, onions, green peppers, mushrooms, sausage and meatballs. looking at the pizza, you wouldn’t know it had all that, because most of the toppings are covered by the immense layer(s) of incredible mozzarella cheese. the cheese is the most overpowering flavor you get, simply by virtue of its proportions. there is so much of it! this is the kind of pizza that you don’t want your kids to eat, because they will choke. and they will die. best of all, it is some of the best tasting cheese i’ve ever had on a pizza. in fact, all their toppings are excellent – fresh vegetables (and finding fresh mushrooms on a pizza is rare), and robust meats. and the crust does all it can to keep up with the rest; it gets a bit slimy on the bottom, but the edges are perfect, puffy and crisp.

simply put, this is one hell of a pizza. and it’s the crown of their menu, filled with many other solid dishes.

you have to try the pizza. CDB’s has a cool environment, but if you’re not into it, just take the pizza home. this is a pizza you should not miss. the fried green tomatoes? eh. my friend had never had them before, so we got them. they were good, but nothing special. for an appetizer, get the pizza bread instead, which they always do right. of course, that’s pretty much me just recommending their pizza again.

EAT CDB’S PIZZA.

look at all those choices! i was most intrigued by the ‘signature buffalo sauce’. all this time, i’ve foolishly assumed that their regular buffalo wing sauce was their regular buffalo wing sauce. stupid me! so i ordered up a whole bunch of these “signature” wings, and prepared my taste buds for a flavor adventure!

so they came out, looking like pretty normal wings. i could tell right away that the sauce was definitely different; this sauce was thicker, and more opaque. and perhaps applied in greater portions per wing (they definitely seemed more coated than their usual wings). so i dug right in. now, i really like beef ‘o’ brady’s wings. their medium wings has come to be pretty much the standard i judge others by – it’s not anything special, but it’s a damn good wing. fried. meaty. good sauce. so these wings had all the basics going for them, all that was different here was the sauce. and honestly, i did not care much for the sauce. it wasn’t bad, but i felt that it lacked the spiciness that their regular wings have. in fact, the flavor was similar enough to their regular wings, that i am pretty confident that they just used the original sauce and cut it by adding some ingredient to thicken it up, like butter.

nothing wrong with the wings, but no need to mess with a good thing. stick to their regular wings.

the copper top pub, by the university on fowler and 51st street, is a nice little bar conveniently located right next to CDB pizza and italian restaurant (no official review yet, but they have awesome pizza) and a japanese restaurant. they have a good selection of beers on tap, a good number of pool tables and a few televisions, and a good amount of seating. pretty decent setup. oh and the bar itself has a copper top. just like the name! BOOYAH. they had a small food menu, but with some serious food within walking distance, i assumed the copper top would have little more than common pub fare. i assumed wrong.

BEHOLD! copper top’s godly smoked chicken wings. you can order them a few different ways (mild through extra hot, barbecue, garlic, teriyaki), but of course i went with medium. i find that medium offers you a bit of the spice, but not overwhelming the flavor of the sauce/wing, and at copper top, this was exactly the case. the magic of these wings is that they do not fry them; they smoke them during the day, and then bake them before serving them. when they come out, they’re hot and crispy, and the meat is so tender it falls off the bones. i picked up a flat (with the two bones), and the meat came off so that i was able to get it all in one bite, with no extra work. if that weren’t enough, the wings all have a rich smokey flavor, giving you a truly unique experience. the sauce was perfect, with a nice kick… a pretty traditional flavor. i was able to try the hot, which had much the same flavor as the medium but with a wonderful lasting burn that sets in the moment you finish the wing, and the barbecue wings, with a nice sweet sauce that perfectly accented the smoked chicken.

i probably wouldn’t try anything else on the menu. these wings were awesome, able to maintain a traditional flavor with a tender smoked spin. i was floored by them. and they serve food until 2am. if you like barbecue wings, you need to take a trip to the coppper top pub. you will love it. and of course, the beer doesn’t hurt.

say hello to one of my favorite sandwich shops ever. the olde world cheese shop rocks, and they know it. it’s setting is the sherwood forest shopping center on 56th street, just south of fowler avenue. with its name, you might expect a whole bunch of wacky expensive cheeses and some expensive bread, but this is not a cheese shop. this is a hardcore sandwich emporium.

the inside is quite quaint, with a crapload of baskets hanging from the ceiling, a wall of knickknacks and “gourmet food” (wine, crackers etc), and a counter at which to order (and grab some free homemade dip samples! all good). the staff is pretty awesome, and you will likely see the same people over and over again. a quick google search results in quite a few comments about how the staff is bad, but i honestly have never had any problems with them. and even if they were total dicks, i would still go back. for the fooooood.

the shop has an awesome variety of unique sandwiches, many of which feature their delicious norwegian fjordland cheese, a sort of mild swiss. in keeping with the “sherwood forest” theme, many of the sandwiches boast delightful robin hood related names, such as the friar tuck or the prince john. all of their meat is excellent, the cheese is choice, a whole bunch of great bread options, and their dressings are incredible (their golden dressing is king). but best of all is the variety – a roast beef with coleslaw and russian dressing on sourdough, an egg salad sandwich with ham on pumpernickel, a hot roast pork sandwich with spicy-sweet pepper jelly on an onion roll, or one of my favorites, the tinkerbelle – “delightfully delicious roast beef, marinated mushrooms, crunchy bacon with savory garlic sauce on pumpernickel bread.” the sandwich makers clearly put a lot of thought into these bad boys. and each and every sandwich i’ve had from the shop is a winner. these people are artists. oh, and they also allegedly have salads and pitas.

the most visually impressive, of course, is their SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM:

as they describe on their site, the sandwich is a “Five decker extravaganza! Roast beef, turkey, ham, cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and Russian dressing, piled high on five slices of pumpernickel bread.” just reading those words makes me want to weep with delight or wet my pants with respect. it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds/looks. the meat is all so very tender and juicy, and their cheese is always great (though quite overpowered by the rest of the sandwich here), their bread is perfect and filling (so much!), and the dressing is excellent. and eating it makes you feel like a big man. all their sandwiches come with a tootsie roll – a nice touch, but it sort of negates the manliness.

my friend got a bowl some soup, which i neglected to photograph (and would never have thought to order myself), and it was INCREDIBLE. it was a homemade navy bean soup with ham bacon and collard greens, and it had a so-very-hearty southern taste. if they have this when you visit (you’d better visit), pick some up.

no more will i write about this wonderful place. just go. buy a sandwich for yourself. and just enjoy the fact that the olde world cheese shop even exists.

so i went to the wingstop, part of the university collection, with my brother. this place is a chain, like many of the wing places i eat at, so it’s not TOO exciting, but let’s face it – wings are always exciting. spicy. crispy. chickeny.

*not pictured: a COKE

i picked up a “combo meal” of sorts: 15 wings in two different flavors, with a large order of fries and a large drink. and a… uh… a roll. they offer a nice variety of flavors (atomic, cajun, hot, mild, barbecue, lemon pepper, garlic parmesan, hawaiin, and teriyaki), and this is where they win.

you see, ordinarily, i am a traditional buffalo style medium wing kinda guy. if i go to a wing place, i expect my wings to be fried and dipped in a spicy wing sauce. pretty standard. but going to wingstop, i found that i did not much care for their regular flavor wings. but i found that i VERY MUCH enjoyed their special flavors, the lemon pepper and garlic parmesan especially. so much, in fact, that this has become one of my more regular wing spots, and i never get real wings from them.

but today, for comparison’s sake, i went ahead and got lemon pepper, and the traditional hot sauce.

pretty great. as you can see, the lemon pepper is less slimy, though it is served in a pool of delicious lemony-peppery drippings. they are salty, with a clear lemon taste and just a hint of black pepper bite. the traditional hot wings are coated in the wingstop hot sauce, which i honestly just don’t care for. they have a pretty similar taste to their cajun wings, actually, with a very strong hot pepper flavor. maybe they use less butter in the preparation? whatever it is, it just doesn’t have that classic wing taste. that being said, these are far from the worst wings i’ve ever tasted.

an added bonus to the wings is that their fries are some of the best fries i’ve ever had. they have a sweet/salty seasoning on them that makes them irresistible and addictive.

bottom line: if you’re looking for a buffalo wing fix, wingstop is not where you want to go. but if you like crazy-style wings, try out wingstop, and you’ll be hooked.

i am a big fan of late-night dining. unfortunately, the tampa area is rather limited in its late-night dining options. best of the bunch, of course, is the TACO BUS… but that’s for another day. last night’s adventures took me to our local IHOP, just off of fowler near i75.

of the “big three” chain breakfast places (dennys, village inn, and ihop… waffle house just doesn’t make the list), ihop is my first choice. they tend to be cleaner and have higher-quality food. this ihop in particular is usually pretty nice, but last night our chef was in the zone. i ordered a colorado omelet, and it was exceptional. i didn’t take a picture, but none of the pictures i found through google could do it justice. so much egg. so much meat. perfect. and it came with a stack of three thick, buttery pancakes that were incredible. my only regret is that i couldn’t finish it all.

if you’re looking for a good breakfast at three in the morning, this is the place i recommend.

DEL VALLE, restaurant and market on fowler and 15th street, next to trang viet cuisine. behind this unassuming, blend-into-the-background storefront, lies a wealth of delicious mexican food, groceries, and some DELIGHTFUL western apparel. and i probably never would have noticed it had my friend not told me about it.

the inside is kind of sad. there’s hardly any room to eat, with maybe nine tables for diners. the majority of the space is taken up either by the large kitchen, or the rest of the store (which has a whole bunch of fun stuff, including religious-themed candles and mexican candy!). there are a couple televisions set up, which i always find distracting. but i feel like the boring exterior and crappy interior make this place all that much more special.

after perusing the menu, i decided to go ahead and get a steak burrito. i was tempted by the chile rellenos, a dish i very much enjoy, but felt that the burrito would give me a better impression of their standard fare. my friend ordered a few enchiladas. we also asked for some guacamole, and a chicken huarache to split.

the burrito was pretty excellent. nicely grilled exterior. the steak was great, and the rest of the innards were fresh and pretty delicious. and i don’t know if this was a mistake or not, but near the end, i found a piece of pineapple in the burrito… it definitely added to the overall taste.

my friend’s meal was superior to mine, however. the enchiladas themselves were just fine, but the sauce… the secret to its success was in the sauce. this… incredible… rojo sauce. it was a dark brown, and it had a subdued, almost smokey flavor. there was a bit of a bite to it, too. but nothing was up front; it all just settled in nicely with each bite. the meal was quite simple, really… no cheese or anything fancy, just a bit of diced onion on top. nice.

the huarache was really good too! i had never had one, so didn’t know what to expect – beans, chicken, lettuce and cheese, on some sort of fried dough, which tasted a bit of peanuts. by itself it was a bit bland, but with the addition of some of the hot sauce on the table, it was delicious.

BUT the real star of the show was this:

this shit was “DAS BOMBE”. yeah. it was that good. it was nice and chunky. fresh, likely made in the bowl it was served in, with big pieces of tomato and onion in it. and it had a nice little spice to it too. it was simple, and perfect.

the whole thing was just over twenty bucks for the two of us, so it was quite a good deal. we both left with leftovers. although this wasn’t the best mexican cuisine i’ve ever had, it definitely had its own personality, and that alone makes it worth checking out. add to it the cool market with hilarious cowboy boots (amongst other leather goods), and you’ve got someplace worth checking out.

DO IT.

Ahh Mr. Dunderbak’s. Recently relocated from the University Mall, this place has a shit-ton of personality to go along with its shit-ton of beer. Now, I have to admit that I’m a bit partial to this place, so you may want to take what I say about it with a grain of salt. That being said, if I had to die somewhere, this would be that place.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But it is a cool place. They’ve got two bars, a separate beer room, and the main dining area has a whole bunch of picnic tables and a huge gazebo in the middle. Within said gazebo usually stands an elderly gentleman, playing drinking song after drinking song on his accordion, while pretty much everyone around him ignores him completely (he does try though… oh how he tries). Tonight, however, that old man was nowhere to be seen, and we were lucky enough to be sat in the center of the gazebo. We were truly the kings of Dunderbak’s.

So we ordered up some beers. This is where Dunderbak’s shines the most brightly, with a selection of over 50 beers on tap of varying make and model (anything you can imagine), and even more types of bottled beer (from many different locations worldwide). And their draught beers are constantly rotating, so that you’ll always have something new to try. Best of all, the majority of the staff there are pretty knowledgeable about beer, so that if you’re not sure what you’re looking for, or if you’re in the mood for something different, just ask and they’ll point you in the right direction.

In addition to their delightful beer selection, they have a delightful food selection. And by delightful, I mean fucking awesome. Their sandwiches are king. KING OF THE SANDWICHES. Seriously, their New Yorker, their Blue Max, their Reuben… well they’re all pretty similar sandwiches, but they’re all pretty excellent too. The point is, they do sandwiches right, with high-quality meat, cheese, and bread. Almost every time I come here, I get the same thing (Die Matterhorn Club), so this time around I decided to mix it up a bit and give their wurstchen a try.

I got the Oktoberfest Platter, with Polish Keilbasa and Debrizener (two great sausages), a side of sauerkraut, and some hot German potato salad (also a delicious staple of meals at Dunderbak’s). Once again, the quality of their meat stands out. One of my friends ordered the Cheese Platter, and asked for it with a side of salami.

Unfortunately, this time around, it looked as though we got the leftovers of someone else’s platter. Usually there is a wider variety of cheeses, more slices, and overall a better presentation. This cheese was room temperature and sweaty. And there was no salami to be found. For almost 10 dollars (assuming he wasn’t charged for the salami), this was not worth it. But once again, it’s usually nicer than this.

Another issue with our visit was the service. It took a lot of time for the server to check back with us, which wouldn’t ordinarily be a problem, but this began as soon as we got there. We didn’t get to order for quite some time, and even then, after dropping off our beers, the server was about to leave before we even ordered.

The service at Dunderbak’s is not necessarily the best service in the world. But the staff is knowledgeable, and, push come to shove, the food and beer is always worth the lack in quality of service. This place is a must visit for any serious beer drinker in the area.

And there’s a little Greek dude. Fun.

A few months back, my brother reported to me a magical place near USF where they sold Greek vittles, and most excitingly, had a spicy tzatziki sauce. But, like an idiot, I sat on this pressing information for many weeks, missing chance after chance to experience something wacky and fun. BUT THAT MISTAKE HAS BEEN RESOLVED!! I went today with a chum, and ordered up some grub.

Boy did I ever order up some grub.

The place is small, dinky hole in the wall among the many holes-in-walls that make up the University Collection, a crappy group of shops featuring some surprisingly great places – Five Guys (best burgers ever), Wing Stop (great fucking wings), First Watch (snooty BRUNCH, yes, brunch establishment), Trang Viet Cuisine (Vietnamese sometimes with bugs!), and a bunch of other delights. Gogos recently joined their ranks, and may go unnoticed (there was one other customer in the restaurant when we got there).

Right up front, the guy working asked me if this was my first time. I, bashfully looking down at my shoes, told him that it was. He described the place as a sort of Greek Chipotle, where you pick either wrap, pita, or salad, then what type of meat (fresh chicken, free-trade steak, dirty dirty gyro, that sort of thing), and then toppings and sauce. I liked this place already. I elected to get a combo of a Greek salad with a pita. I got gyro meat, a few wonderful toppings (including sliced pepperoncini), and the spicy tzatziki sauce. It came out in a pinkish color, almost like thousand island dressing. I resisted the urge to pick up some baklava.

The first thing I noticed about this bountiful meal was the price – 12 bucks. A bit steep for a simple meal. But this was ADVENTURE TIME! So whatever. I was going to attack the salad first, but both the salad and pita were crammed onto one bowl dealy, and so if I hoped to have any sort of even distribution of dressing on my salad, I would have to clear some space. Instead of moving my pita elsewhere, I devoured it.

The pita itself was somewhat poorly constructed, all the tzaziki having just been squirted on top, ready to blend itself into my beard with every bite. And it was difficult to get some with each bite, which I like to have in a gyro – pretty complete tzatziki coverage. Its taste was not too unlike other tzatziki sauces, but it did have a little peppery bite to it – nothing overpowering, just a hint. The pepperoncini aided in this. Sadly, that is about all this pita had going for it. It was by no means bad, just average. The meat was a bit dry, and lacked any exciting flavors. The toppings were pretty good. Fresh.

The salad was the best part of the meal. They plopped a dollop of potato salad underneath the rest of the Greek salad, a practice which (so I’ve heard) has its origins in Tarpon Springs. And that is always fantastic. The potato salad mixes in so well with the Greek dressing. But once again, this salad was nothing special. Good. Not great. And if I were to go back, I would probably just spend my money on the salad, and hopefully save a few bucks.

Sorry guys… it seems to me that Gogos is a NO-gos (HAHAHA I just made that up!!! GOD I’M HYSTERICAL.). Better bang for your buck, in my opinion, is found at Athenos, right across from MOSI. You can get a combo there with a wrap and two extra sides for under 10 bucks. And, honestly, the taste is superior.

oh boy! new food from shitto bell… and this time… it’s personal. annnd by personal i mean ‘authentic’, or in this case, ‘faux authentic’. but let’s not get ahead of ourselves! i went through the drive-through, and was greeted happily by the employee – “how are you doing?!” i chuckled and replied “well”. and that was the high point of this visit. nothing else i said immediately registered with this employee, and after each request i made, i had to repeat myself at least once. i ordered the three ‘cantina taco’ meal, one with chicken, one steak, and one CARNITAS, with a sweet tea. when i arrived at the window, i was asked, again, if it was a lemonade i wanted. as i handed them my credit card, i repeated i wanted a sweet tea. as the employee walked back into the chaos that was this taco bell to get my tea, she must have bumped into the tea spigot or something, because after a scream, i looked in and saw tea shooting out onto the floor. the employees laaaaughed! i should have taken this as a sign that something was going terribly wrong. and i was right.

so once i had escaped the restaurant and actually sat down to eat my food, i was delighted to find the tacos wrapped in simple aluminum foil, and each packaged with a lime wedge. i opened the first, steak, to find a scant amount shitty, chewy steak nuggets tossed onto two thick corn tortillas, topped with onions and cilantro. i gave the thing a lime squirt, and bit into it, to be met with only the taste of bland corn tortilla. it was all there was. there was so little meat, you could only really get a bit of the texture, and the rest was tortilla. it was much the same with the chicken, with a small bit of the same old taco bell-style chicken tossed onto another couple tortillas. so… not good.

the last was the carnitas, shredded pork. i was most excited about this one, as taco bell hasn’t really had any pork products that i’ve known of, so this would be a unique taste among the others, designed specifically for this item. this tortilla was a little better filled, but not so much that it should have been falling apart the way it was. i bit in, and at least this time i had more to taste than the corn – unfortunately, what i was tasting was like some kind of bad pot roast that had sat out for too long. it definitely had some semblance of a “homemade” flavor, but i couldn’t help but feel that that taste, in itself, tasted manufactured. it was, simply put, disgusting. what a fucking let down.

so… i advise against the purchase of this crap. luckily, they will only be around for a “limited time”. thank god this nightmare will soon end.

ohhh yeah. the spicy chicken sandwich from chick-fil-a. got the combo meal. and a sweet tea. awwww yeah… fuckin’ sweet tea. i’ve been waiting to try this sandwich, with the last few weeks just not having time for it. finally, today i was able to pick it up.

the sandwich itself is pretty much a duplicate of the old one. in fact, if it weren’t for the new baggy, i would has expected it to be an old one. i was eating on kind of a time budget, so i had to hurry. this kind of hurt my ability to really judge the sandwich, as it was very hot temperature-wise. i had to use the “reverse blow”, which sort of fanned the flames of the spicy? maybe not. but i was also pressured to continue eating because it was so good. i love chick-fil-a, and this sandwich was pretty much the same as you always get. but the heat was definitely there. it kicks in just near the end of your bite, like an after taste. it was a nice complete burn. nothing too spicy. a good, almost cajun spice. it was really good, subtle. i think it’s a nice balance to the original sandwiches… this definitely doesn’t replace them, but if you’re in the mood for a mild kick, this will do the job and then some. good stuff. would recommend. would buy again.

flanked by a score of fries (which i seasoned with the new salt on the table, and i highly recommend), this burger was actually alright. honestly, there wasn’t too much going on here that you don’t get in a regular steak burger. their allure seems to lie in the preparation of the meat, and how it joins up with cheese on the bun. and it was much the same here. the only real exception to this rule are the specialty burgers like the old mushroom and swiss (no longer available) and the philly, both of which were smothered in extras that dominated the flavor. and they had that sweet bun to boot. that being said, the chipotle mayo on this thing was decent, and everyone loves bacon and pepper jack. it was missing jalapeños, which i had thought came standard on the burger, but in actuality did not. as a result, i wouldn’t give it the spicy label, solely the chipotle. even that is kinda hard to pull out. oh but it has red onion slices rather than their standard white, which was a nice touch. all in all, filling and satisfying, but nothing to write home about.

i foolishly brought in on the assist one of these special items:

yeah… just reading about those makes you sick. i know. well, the appearance of such outlandish shakes piqued my curiosity early on. ordinarily, i wouldn’t go for such a disgusting combination of fruit and dairy, but… i figured that if it actually made it to the menu, it must have something redeeming about it.

so, after months of knowing about its existence, and finally being sold on it by a friend’s younger sister’s repeat purchase of the thing, i went for the grape kool-aid shake. it was alarmingly… gross. sad. i should have seen it coming, of course. really, i guess i did. but i was disappointed nonetheless. i went ahead and drank the whole thing anyway, and as i neared the bottom, i began finding small, dark chunks of some unidentifiable somethings. i picked one out of the shake, worrying it was something that did not belong there. after discarding it, i continued shake-ing, until i found another such piece. this one, though, was huge. it was a little rubbery and about the size of a raisin, but it was pliable in a way that raisins are not. as i played with it, i made the bold decision to taste it. come to find out, it was like concentrated kool-aid mix, sour and grainy. and it wasn’t bad. i would say that was the highlight of the shake.

needless to say, i won’t be buying one of those thins again.

seriously. fuck. this picture… this picture is actually a remarkably good representation of the food you’re going to get. these burgers are huge balls of meat and excellent toppings, wrapped in tin foil and shoved into a paper bag, which is topped off with enough incredible fries to instantaneously solidify your arteries. it is a godly meal. truly.

honestly, this is the best burger i am able to obtain on a regular basis, and a meal that i cherish each and every time i get it. it never gets old. JUST TYPING THIS my mouth is watering and i can almost taste it in my mouth. god damn… i love that burger.

obama love that burger.