The nurse left, it was shift change time so I got a new nurse shortly after. I got to dozed off for about 30 mins then the nurse came back in and removed my last iv, I was soooo happy about this it was annoying as hell. Shortly after she comes back in removes the covers and tells me to scoot to the edge of the bed. I’ve found sitting directly on my butt cheeks is pretty easy to do something I didn’t notice I did naturally, I know some people sit more forward then I do. The nurse then proceeded to remove the tape and gauze, thanks ki for telling me to shave my butt cheeks lol. It felt so free after the gauze was removed . Then I was told it was shower time, Woot Woot! Seeing as though it had been days since I was in fresh water and soap this was exciting. My legs have been a bit shaking but I assume that’s from laying so long as well as my body being naturally cautious of my new junk. I got into the shower and began to bathe and let me just tell you this felt like pure heaven! Water over my new nuts felt a bit foreign but at the same time just felt right. The warm water was so soothing and was just what I needed. Watching the dirt roll off my body was like watch the last bits of the past leave for good. I was done at that point and the nurse cd to make sure I didn’t fall. I was able to dry off alone, totally in control. I missed a few spots in my crotch area so the nurse got those very gently.

I then hobbled back to the bed and just laid there scott free besides the gauze around my peter and stent. I got a very good picture at this point, very impressed and pleased with my choice to use the Belgrade team for my completion. Dr. Miro and Marta came in and seen how I was and to see what I thought about my new package. I told them I was very pleased and thanked them for everything. Dr. Miro then told me he was going to remove one of the drains I have, this drain was put in during the hematoma surgery to allow the fluids to leave my body without a second hematoma to develop. I think it’s just something my body does seeing as though I had a seroma during top surgery. Miro then pulled the drain very quickly, it stung like all hell but went away in about 10 secs. It felt great to have that damn thing out it’s uncomfortable just like top surgery drains. He told me the other drain would be removed tomorrow morning, YES! sitting will be a lot easier with this drain out as well that will only leave the stent which doesn’t hurt at all unless I bump against it and the catheter tubing which half the time I forget is there lol. Shortly after Dr. Marta comes in and gauzed me back up, I feel like a freaking Christmas gift lol. She then proceeds to help me get my undies on, yay first time in my draws since surgery wasn’t bad at all. Then we realize I needed my T so I had to roll on my side so the nurse can give me my shot. Seeing as though I’m the one who gives me my shot and always have I was a bit uneasy but it was over quickly. Then Marta helped me get dressed, she’s so nice . It felt good to be clothed again even though I was not shy about being naked. Then we packed my other stuff up grabbed my butt donut and made way downstairs.

I sat in the lobby while the dr’s started the car and tended to a very rowdy patient. He was quite hostile and had been causing a scene all night all because a little burning in his urethra, I wanted to tell him try dealing with a hematoma then scream. Some people are just so rude to those trying to help he was literally trying to bribe the dr’s and nurses and his procedure was purely cosmetic. But any who, shortly after dealing with the mad man miro and Marta helped me to the car. I love Miros car it’s a Mazda 3 , it’s cool dr’s here don’t have to boast they are dr’s they drive what we consider middle class. Back to the apartment we go not to bad sitting down I thought it would be a lot worse than it was. We made it to the apartment and I hobbled all the way to the door lol.

Finally inside Marta tells me about the net being out, arghhhh! She says there will be someone to fix it Monday so I’m here with mo net . It’s cool though it gives me time to rest seeing as though it’s 2 am and I’m just waking up for more than 30 mins lol. Marta explains the stent flush which is pretty much fail proof. She then asks me why I want to eating seeing as though I didn’t get a chance to shop before surgery. I say chicken and rice, she is going to cook for me . She got me some water and tells me to call if I feel anything out of the normal. She then leaves and I undress down to my boxer briefs and undershirt. I sat for a bit then felt the rumble in my tummy hadn’t felt that in a while but I knew what it meant. So I slowly made way to the toilet and as soon as I sat it came with no issues. Going was quite a sport because I didn’t want to get any on the gauze seeing as though it was very loose. Wet wipes are my friend so I used them with pleasure. After clean up I felt a tingle in my bladder so I decided to stand and un-cap the tubing. I thought standing to pee with a tube would feel strange but it just made me excited to start using my urethra . It was a bit different pushing and not have the pee exiting the same place.

After this I hobbled to my bag and got a Tylenol and hobbled back to the couch where I have claimed as my post lol. Took my meds watched about 5 mins of tv and the knocked out. It lasted about 4 hrs and felt great to sleep uninterrupted. A knock came around 3:30 pm, it was Marta with my food she put it in the kitchen. I had zero plans on moving lol. I thanked her and back to bed I went. Just to mention while sleeping I hook the urine bag up but while awake its detached, it helps to not have the bladder become dependent. I’m off until 6:30 pm it feels soo good to just freaking sleep lol. When I wake this time there is a lot more urine in the bag. So I take a moment to gather myself then I roll off the couch to the toilet unhooking the bag and draining it. Then uncapping the tubing and draining anything left in my bladder. I set the urine bag down and make way to the kitchen. Marta is soooo awesome! There is a big bowl of rice, veggies, chicken, soup, bread, and desert I make a plate and hobble back to the couch. I eat everything is soooo good . then clean up refrigerate the left overs and decided to flush my stent which took about 2 mins. In doing so I felt the need to make a movement so I did since I was already sitting on the toilet. Once again very loose and made clean up pretty easy lol.

After this I’m pretty tuckered out I get situated and hooked back up to the urine bag. A bit more tv is on my to do list than im out once. And now here I am up watch animal planet a bit bored since I can’t talk to anyone back home. Times like this I wish my phone worked overseas . Oh well I’ll eat again and sleep until there’s some kind of service.

Until later…

Salaam

I stayed up quite a while after I woke from the second operation to correct things. Which isn’t unusual but the night nurse was telling me to sleep lol. I tried to force it but kept waking every few hours so it was just a failed mission. So I chatted online for a few and watched some national geographic stuff, quite interesting indeed. Yes there are plenty of other english channels but im a nerd so i like this stuff lol. When I did sleep the nurse was in and out to check my vitals and flush my urethra most of the times I  slept right through everything. I used to them messing with me by now so im not alarmed what so ever, just lets me know they are very attentive to my care. I had blood draw at some point during my half sleep moments and then another time I was given my T in my arm mind you, I was that sleepy it didn’t even phase me lol.

Breakfast consisted of what is now my fave cookies in the world with hot tea. The tea is awesome seeing as though my throat is very sore from being under anesthesia. So this helped a lot in every way. I finish those off and asked for more lol yes I know greedy yea yea yea. Today was the day of a thousand liquids as I like to call it. Every time a cup was empty it was refilled, I was either sipping juice (apple) tea or water. They want me full of fluids to help me recover and also flush my system of things. So I have been pissing alllllll day long without noticing it which is still extremely strange. To be missing your pee feeling is something you have to grow used to, especially when peeing happens at the most random moments lol. I’m still very gassy which is a good thing as well, just no movements which isn’t that surprising.

I drifted in and out a few more times into the afternoon just woken up for vitals and stent flushing. Lunch came around 2-ish, I had tomato salad which had onions on it pretty good stuff. Then it was bread, 2 pieces of chicken, and fries with all my vast choices of drink lol. I didn’t finish everything because I was half ass sleep but I know I needed to eat so I got down what I could drink all I had in front of me then the nurse took everything away when I was done. After lunch I was given antibiotics in large dose which feels really weird going into your arm might I add. But none the less after getting them I became really sleepy so that’s exactly what I did.

Sleep didn’t last long at all I told it was time to walk aka time to change the bed lol. So I got myself prepared. The nurse helped me off the bed but I did pretty well on my own on getting up. A lot better than yesterdays first trial run. Still feels weird to walk around ass naked but none the less I did so. Took a few steps, than paused and watched some tv. it just felt soooooo much better to be standing then laying down for so long. But after a few minutes my legs had enough so it was back to the bed I go. I just sort of walked backwards and slowly sat on the edge of the bed. Which isn’t bad im not sitting on my nads so that’s a great thing to know indeed. The nurse then took my anti-embolism stockings off finally, those things are soooo damn annoying. Then i got back in bed all the way and felt a lot better. I got cookies after this ordeal, lmao yes i work for food don’t judge me lmao. I eat my cookies and drink more juice then im off to sleep again, you never know how much simple things take so much energy out of you.

This sleep also didn’t last too long as I was woken up by Miro and Marta. It was time for changing, I smiled but in my head I was screaming “GOD NO!!!!” lol. After yesterday’s ordeal I was completely no happy about any removal of anything from my junk. Luckily Marta did everything so it was pretty smooth sailing, I got to see my junk again, very healthy coloring. A little retraction going on but hell after yesterday I’d retract too lol. There was no real pain this time apart from tape being ripped from my ass hairs. I swear I shaved them all off but apparently I missed some so that wasnt too good of a feeling at all. Marta then poked me in a few spots to test the pain levels and she joked and said “ha you learned not to say yes to pain now huh” lol. But it was just tender not sore. She also poked my penis to see if I felt it, umm hell yea I wanted to jump out of the bed lol. But all this is a good sign feeling it there 100%. Miro then came back in the room and apologized for yesterday but explained why he had to do it.Which I completely understand it was for my safety and I appreciate it all. Even though in the moment I was NOT for it at all. Then Marta re-wrapped my penis and the rest of my junk as well no pain at all this time. Miro then took the gauze off my chest as well, even though Marta clearly wanted to do it. When they argue its funny lol. But I got to see what Miro did and I’m very pleased that there is no longer any crease or depression in my right pec . So now all i need to do is add a bit of muscle and things will be a-ok!

I was told I maybe able to go home sunday or monday, Miro will be here to tell me what is what early sunday morning. I was given my letter for surgery which got me a little teary eyed. FREAKING FINALLY! It’s like I’m free of everything with a letter that consists of a few words. I was also given a print out of surgical costs, I’ll upload that when I get back home to the scanner so you all can get the actual breakdown of the surgery costs. It will be in a tab entitled documents under bottom surgery. As well as I got a receipt for the cost of the apartment. So everything is finalized and I’m happy, hopefully all is well and I can go back to the apt. Sunday. I do need to get some food seeing as though I didn’t get a chance to before surgery. But I’m up to the task after sitting in this damn bed for eons a walk would be nice. It may take me a min. to get there but fresh air maybe good for me.  Well wait Marta did say it snowed so I may just ask for her to pick me up a few things. I don’t need that much really more fluids than anything else. Hell im happy with all soup to help soothe my throat.

After they left I was given dinner which was  bread and jam with more tea, I wasnt really hungry seeing as though my nads starting to ache after being re-wrapped. So I ate a few bites and ate my cookies I had left then asked for some pain meds to take the edge off. Shortly after I was back to sleep and here I am waking up again I have a little bit of aching in my left nut but nothing too bad i need to re-adjust myself more than likely but just to lazy to do so at the moment lol.

Ok let me go do some moving, i’ll write more later…

Salaam

Back to the subject though lol. They decided for my safety and comfort they put me under to drain the excess off and not have me in here screaming lol. It was pretty simple they drugged me so I could relax and calm down from Miro trying to manually drain things. Then the vessna’s rolled my bed into the theater where I got on the table lot colder than I remember, mind you I am ass naked so for those of you shy about your bits get over that part now lol. This time I remember more I got to see the oxygen mask and then I remember nothing until I felt Dr. Marta cutting some stitching while I was sleeping. Apparently the first time I passed out before they even gave me the real anesthesia, we’re going to blame that on jet lag lol. Good news is they fixed everything and my pain level went wayyyyyyy down. so im not complaining at all. The previous swelling has gone wayyyyy down and I actually can move around a bit more comfortably.

Before all of this occurred I did get to test drive walking, wasnt bad at all. the worst part was getting out of the bed, but I just used the same tactic I used when I had my hysto, elbows and heels are your friends for getting in and out of the bed lol. I took a few steps and not shabby then Miro decided he wanted to rip tape off while I was standing, Marta had some choice Serbian words for him I could tell it was something to the effects of “why did you do that?” lol. I know this because he responded in english “to prep him for changing”. Miro cares but is a bit more rough when tending to urgent medical matters where as Marta has the womans touch and takes her time so you’re in less pain, either way I adore them both .

I can tell they fixed everything when I woke there was zero pain and now hours later there is no pain at all. So it seems to me the swelling and excess blood was the culprit of the soreness I was having. hell even when I was up walking there wasnt that much pain so I’m just glad they fixed the issue and not I can breath and relax. I still need to take in more fluid having blood in the urine bag is not kosher but as soon as I started more intake of fluid this cleared up. it’s just a bit strange not knowing when you’re peeing lol. I have passed gas a million times so that’s not going to be any issue when its time to make movements, im rather reg so no issues in that department. I havent had much to pass anyway so im not stressed.

well its sleep time so I’ll write more later…

Salaam

Shortly after leaving the vessna’s came back in and got my bed all situated and unplugged from everything. Then proceeded to roll me out of the room towards the theater aka OR. All the Drs were already in there prepping things for surgery. the vessna’s pushed my bed side by side with the operating table and Dr. Korac asked me to transfer myself to the table and scoot all the way up. At this point my whole lower half felt very wobbly so I was limited to a lift and drop motion lol. I was told to relax which I was extremely relax without a care in the world. Dr. Korac gave me another shot and honestly that is all I remember.

My next clear memory was me back in my room waking up to the nurse wiping my mouth. I was shivering so the nurse covered me, this is common from the anesthesia. She also wiped my eyes clear of all the eye boogies thy had accumulated during surgery. I felt my mouth very tense as I then noticed the stitches in my mouth, this let me know Dr. Miro used a buccal mucosa graft. It feels no worse then if you were to bite the inside of your mouth, there’s not real pain but like anything altered it is swollen so it’s hard to open my mouth wide. I’m ok for about 20 mins then I feel stinging and sharpness so I tell the nurse and she comes in with this big syringe filled with pain meds. She administered them and about 2 mins later I drift off into good sleep.

At least 2-3 hrs pass and I wake again. This time I’m allowed to drink but before I do I am instructed only a little bit and before I can drink I have to gargle to clean the blood from the graft seeing as though if I didn’t blood on my stomach would have made me nauseous. I do the gargling and spit of course it goes everywhere in the dish lol. The vessna wipes my mouth and asked me to gargle again so I do this time it’s a lot better, then she allows me to take a small sip. It made my throat feel a lot better. She then pulls out a big bottle of saline and fills a syringe and attaches the needle to it. She explains she’s going to flush my stent, she inserts the needle into the stent and I feel the saline. It’s cool and doesn’t hurt but does feel really really weird. This takes about 10 secs, then she covers me back up and exits the room. Over me is this metal cage type thing to elevate the covers so nothing is laying on me lower area which is wonderful indeed. I get a few snap shots of my lower region, seeing as tho I’m all guazed up I don’t see to much but from what I can see I have a very girthy phallus .

Shortly after my pictures I dose off for a bit then the nurse wakes me because Dr. Miro called to check on me. He explained everything went well as well he was extremely pleased with my results and said I would be pleased as well. He told me he fixed my right chest, the creased side, that also went very well. He said he would be up to talk to me tomorrow and that I should relax and rest well. My right pec is gauzed but there is zero pain at all which is amazing indeed. The nurse asks me to gargle and drink again and she flushes my stent again then leaves for a bit while I watch some tv or should I say the tv watches me. I talk to a few people letting them know I’m ok and things went fine then I get the throbbing soreness again so I tell the vessna and she gives me more pain meds. I shortly after that dose off and this time stay asleep till 6 am. There were a few times the vessna checked my vitals but for the most part I slept through them.

Around 8 am there was a shift change and I was given breakfast which consisted of tea and cookies. The cookies were good reminds me of graham crackers. I ate this and chatted a little bit with friends and answer most of my email since I was wide awake. Shortly after my stent was flushed again this time it made my stinging return so I was given more meds of course making me crash lol. I sleep until 10 when vitals are taken then dose back off until just now. I was given juice and the vessna told me more liquids because my catheter is draining blood. So I need more pee, the blood is normal but it can’t stay like that.

Admittedly there is no serious pain just stinging and soreness. My balls are def. letting me know they are around lol. I’m having hot flashes here and there not sure if it’s from lack of t or the meds either or they are annoying as all hell. In the wake of the flashes the sweat is making my ass and back itch and my motion is limited so I’m just upset because I can’t scratch like I want ughhhh. Other then itchy ass I can’t complain too much. The stinging is about a 2 on the pain scale I’m sure later that will change per usual but for now I’m good. I have gas and had it since I woke from the operation so that’s a good sign. Haven’t had too much to make a movement so that will come later. And as I write this vitals and flushed again lol.

Ill be dosing off in a few so until later…

Salaam

We then proceeded to the children’s hospital where Dr. Miro works for my consultation. I was given a slight tour of Belgrade on the way there and a bit of history. It’s rather nice here reminds me of a more quieter NYC. But none the less very nice. The childrens hospital is located in a busy area as well as in a older building but still you can tell it’s a hospital as it is very busy with people coming in and out. I then met with Dr. Miro, Dr. Marta, and Dr. Marko. Everyone is very very nice as Dr. Miro explains the process of surgery. I don’t have too many questions seeing as though I’ve done sooooo much research so we really just do an over view and that’s about it.

From there Dr. Vladimir and Dr. Marta escort me to the apartment which is located below Dr. Marta’s residence. So I feel very safe knowing she is in fact that close to me when and/or if I need. Really all the dr’s are only a call away literally so I’m in great helping hands. Marta shows me how to use everything and where everything is and shows me the stuff my friend left for me. He had surgery right before I got here so he left me food and what not as well as a note and map of how to get around a bit. My friends are awesome ! Marta departs with a hug and I’m on my own.

I get situated and get a call shortly after from Dr. Korac, he is the anesthesiologist of the team. He tells me that he’s going to stop by to go over pre-op procedures and examine my breathing a bit more in depth due to my asthma as well as go over my blood-work from my Dr. I finish uploading things to my blog and he arrives shortly after I get done. He goes over everything and explains which kinds of anesthesia maybe used. I’m familiar with general but he then explains spinal anesthesia. Nothing too serious it’s just an injection between the vertebrae that numbs you from the waist down. Unlike with general where when I wake up from surgery I can walk at my leisure with spinal I would not be allowed to walk until 24 hrs to allow the effects to wear off. The checks my breathing then further explains the times I have to stop eating which was at 8 am and no liquid after 10 am which is right now lol.

He leaves shortly after and I’m off to myself until Dr. Miro calls. He just called to go over the morning schedule and told me what to bring with me. My passport, consent forms, meds, and anything else I needed seeing as though I’ll be here until Sunday. He tells me Dr. Marko will be picking me up at 8 am and he wishes me a good night. I get some snacks and lay down for a bit cat napping in between messages and instant messages.

I decide to shower and tend to the needed shaving. What a daunting task this crap is. For anyone that has been here and knows what a pain in the ass pre-op shaving is you feel my pain. Took me about an hr and 4 razors lmao, don’t judge me a brother is hairy lol. I get all done and realize how much a hot shower really makes you sleepy so u decide to grab another snack and knock out till about 3 am.

I wake up and start prepping everything and talking to those that are up. Then just procrastinated until 8 when Dr. Mark called and said he would be ready in 15 mins. I get ready and he arrives, had to lock up the apt there’s the door key which you have to turn 3 times looks like a big skeleton key, then theres the key to the building, then the key to the gate. Lol I’m pretty well protected if I must say.

I got a nice tour of the country side. Its interesting to see modern mixed with older thing but very nice. St. Medica isn’t that far I say it took us about 10 mins to drive over here. Its nestled in between some other building but you can tell that it’s new. We walk in and head up the stairs to the lab, I get blood work as well as an EKG. The machine that was used is interesting it not just the chest stickies there were 4 large clamps one for wrists and the others were for the legs. After that I sat with Dr. Marko until the other Dr called me in the room to take down my information and other vitals, he asked about family history as well as allergies you know the usual questions. Then I waited for the nurse to escort me to my room. I got my hospital attire aka a gown and surgical hat lol. I’m all hooked up wifi to the comp and iPod and now I sit here and rest until 2 pm. I took several pictures of the room so I’ll upload them a bit later.

Dr. Miro should be here shortly to go over a few things then Dr. Korac should be here around 1 pm to start the anesthesia and then return around 1:30 pm to give me the meds to help me relax. First is removal of the vag cavity which is done by a gyn then Miro and the team will start with what they do best. He did tell me I may or may not get smaller implants which I’m find with because if it works it works plain and simple. All in all I’m ready to go and wake up brand new!

When I wake I’ll take pics but until then…

Salaam

P.S. My horoscope for today is as follows:

Things still seem and feel very surreal. Some what like I’m walking around in a dejavu stage at this moment. I know for fact just like with both top and hysto things won’t feel a bit at all final until I am in hospital gown with an IV in. That is my moment of truth, the moment when everything around me is calm and the future becomes apparent. So much has changed in such a sort period of time but i could not honestly say I would change a thing. It’s made me who I am, it’s made me think the way I do, it’s made me act and react to things people and circumstances the way I do and I’m really proud to feel and say that.

Time is just going by so so so utterly slow. I’m not even really watching the clock but it ticks with snail speed right now. This is worse then getting off work in 5 mins but the clock just won’t go fast enough lol. I know once I check in and get everything checked with baggage time will probably go even slower. I’m going to be there for a little bit just waiting on my flight and having to deal with punk ass TSA. My current feelings on them and their crap aren’t too well so hopefully this will end with no events. I have no issue disclosing and also no issues contacting the proper authorities if I feel violated. Ah yes nothing worse then a disgruntled transman with a plane to destiny to catch lmao.

My stomach is a bit tipsy turny, honestly not sure what to make of it. Im thinking it has to do more so with I haven’t eaten yet as well as the fact I ate really late last night then laid down. It’ll clear up once things get rolling and I’m situated at my gate. I’m going to hope and assume there’s some kinda hotspot wifi so I can have something to do while waiting another 2 hrs to take off.

The stupid ass bank was still being stupid so I’m going to end up having to carry 6k+ USD with me then convert it to euros. I don’t like the thoughts of carrying this much money to a place I’ve never been before but this just means my book-bag will be on lock like fort knoxx. But this also means when I get to Belgrade I’ll have to bring a crap load of money back with me as well. Seeing as the transfer will clear while I’m there, have to bring that money back so it can be put back in the bank. Sooo much unneeded caca all because the bank has no common sense in urgent matters Smh. But none the less as long as everything is being covered nothing else at all really matters. As I always say its always some shit before things get done. I’ve come to terms and acceptance of this lol.

I think hulu is gonna be my best friend while there. Nor sure of the channel selection buttt I know I need a few shows to survive. The night is just not right with out them, it’s like my comfort food lol. But I’m sure there’s something to watch of interest and knowing me I’ll watch stuff in other languages just because it seems interesting. Hell I sat and watch Spanish soaps with my step mom, sometimes you don’t need words to know what’s going on body language can tell you a lot. The randomness on my mind right now is amazing lmao.

Ok ok I’m going to end this here since there no read point besides anxious rambling. I’ll try blogging from EWR, for those that don’t know that’s Newark airport in NJ. If there’s not good wifi well then I’ll be see you all in Zurich in the wee hours of the morning here in the states but it’ll be 8 am there.

Until next time…

Salaam

All in all they always say when want/need something there’s always obstacles in the path of things. I will be leaving on Tuesday(6:50 pm est) and get to Belgrade weds afternoon(2 pm GMT =8 am est). Jet lag is going to kill me, well not really seeing as though I sleep all weird anyway so I may just be ok actually. I hope to get all settled in and have not too many issues, I want to do a YouTube tour of the apt once I meet the Dr’s and get everything sorted out with them and getting food for my return after surgery. I’m interested in at least getting to have some food from the surrounding area seeing as though I’m a greedy ass by nature who loves foreign cuisine this would fit my fancy very nicely. I’m going all on my own and this is my very first time leaving the country so it will be quite an experience, even though I wont have much time to explore I may walk up and down the blog just to get a taste of the cultural setting and get a few good pictures. My grandmother is a tennis fan so im going to see if I could get a tour near the tennis arena there so I can bring her back some good picture of the stadium. I think she would really like that if I could .

I’m somewhat weary about what level of pain to expect.  I don’t think I will be in much pain at all-seeing as though my threshold for pain is very very high, and for anything else there is pain meds. But there is always that wariness of not knowing what really to expect. Especially with it being in that area, a very tender area but none the less I am excited to wake up and look down and see my new jews all nicely packed in gauze lol. I DO NOT look forward to the unpacking of the gauze, nor the removal of the stent, nor anything that has to do with removing a damn thing lol. I’m going to have to take myself to a very happy place in order not to flinch and hit someone on accident, im sure I wouldn’t be the first if that was my reaction but it would be quite embarrassing to do so. But hopefully I’ll be able to keep it all together and get through it with no real hassle at all.

I will be one picture snapping man this I do know, thank you Apple for making a WordPress app it will help me keep a better log step by step of what the hell is going on as I drift in and out. Well that is IF I drift I tend to fight through sleep when it comes to coming out of anesthesia. None the less everything I can take a picture of I will be taking a picture of, whether blurry, messed up, half sleep, etc I’m saving them all lmao. I just am so excited about this I never thought I would be this excited but as the days are closer I feel the excitement level rising to exponential proportions. I will admittedly say this is not my last step of lower surgery this is only a prolong stepping stone for many reasons but the main one is personal gratification and mental and emotional clarity…to just finally not have to worry about A HOLE. It kinda literally freaks me out that there’s a hole there and knowing that its gone will alleviate soooooooo many things I have issue with now.

I’ll be posting my post op pictures on the metoidioplasty yahoo surgery group(the link is in my blogroll for the fellas that want to join the group) as well as some photos of my junk wrapped in gauze on here and some other things I deem suitable for the general public lol. I enjoy sharing so much info because when I started there wasnt as much there for me to see especially POC results. So in turn i feel this will help those who come after me …

I’ll keep everyone informed as I go along

Salaam

P.S. 24 hours until take off YESSSSS

I have my ticket for travel all squared away, I leave here at 6:50 pm and get to Belgrade at 2:00 pm. So basically its like a day I get to see what Zürich is like for a few hours so that’s cool by me. I just cant wait to get there and get things rolling. It’ll be great when things are over though so then I could get through the healing process. I think that part to me is the worse process of any surgery. But once im healed things are excellent in all ways so I plan to just bounce back quickly.

It’s still a little bit surreal like I’ll believe it fully after I wake up from surgery lol. I’m ready though just another process to get me to where i need to be. I feel myself pulling away from a lot of things as the days wind down. Not just because things are hectic I’m just really tired of a lot and I want and need to focus on other things that will propel my life in the proper directions.

The things that are to come in my life I am feeling very good about. I can’t wait to see how things actually play out but I’m known to go with my gut feelings and my gut says full steam ahead so I’m diving right on in. There are always a few anxieties that I will always possess but I rather go for it then regret never being able to muster up the strength and lose out on something I want. Partially my new years resolution, to take charge and do whats right the first time so there needs to be no back tracking later.

I love the fact that I have had the opportunity to take this journey, it has made me stronger and appreciate a lot more that I have and will have in my life. I appreciate the people I have around me especially those who actually love me. Even through out this time I have made tremendous mistakes that at times I wish I could reverse but I know they were intended to happen so I could learn from them. Nothing I’m referring to regards my body or process but things I did to those around me that didn’t deserve some of my moods. It’s a battle on all sides mine and the outside but those that have stuck it out no matter what I am proud to say I have such wonderful people surrounding me.

I’m looking forward to this new year. A completely new start is what I’m aiming at for multiple reasons. I can now focus on the things and people I love and not who and what everyone sees me as because without a doubt they will see what I reflect inside and out. I’ve missed a lot these years where my focus was blurred by my own needs but now that blockage is gone its like a whole new world. A breath of well over do fresh air, and a very beautiful feeling to finally have.

I finally feel free to be myself and nothing else…30 more days and it seems like forever

Salaam

I still have yet to get my passport (thank you wonderful US gov. ugh) seeing as though my BC did not have a raised seal on it I attempted to get a copy. Well let me explain how that went. Apparently in the state of NJ when you change your name you are not allowed to access your OWN birth records without correct name on the BC no matter if you have the name change order in hand to prove your own identity. Yes I know retarded as all hell but that’s how this dumb ass state functions. So I attempted to prove my citizenship by getting an affidavit of birth signed by my father, seeing as though it takes 8-10 weeks to get a record changed and then sent and I did not have that amount of time. Sent that in and they send me a letter stating that I need to prove my citizenship as well as get a letter from my DR stating my transitional status, mind you I included an exact letter like this with my application in the first damn place. So now I have to wait for my expedited copy of my BC that my father had to order seeing as though with my name not changed on my record only my mother and father can access it. Which puts my passport timing less than 3 weeks until I have to leave. I’m going to have to set an appt. and more than likely get a same day passport because this is just too damn much  with this mess.

Outside of the passport crap everything else is fine, well I still need labs but that’s nothing hard to get. Surgery is paid for, tickets are purchased for a very good price on an international roundtrip ticket. The ony slight change in my accommodations is that I will be going to Belgrade alone the whole time. So this should be mighty interesting. I’m not too unsettled about being alone 14 days in another country by myself. Hell I’ve been on my own since 12 so strange places alone are nothing new for me. I feel that I am in excellent hands and will be cared for like I am family, especially because I will be alone. I have a cool application on my iPod that lets me speak some Serbian phrases which will help when talking to some people who aren’t as fluent as others.

As long as I have this nice laptop, iPod, blog, and webcam I will be 110% Okie dokie lol. For those that know me personally Ill be on Skype to chit chat. I’m more or less worried about the pain not anything else. But I know as long as I have my pain meds and possibly some anti-anxiety meds I will be just fine. Both meds will help me relax and also sleep which will aid in the healing process in so many ways. I really never planned to travel outside the apartment, unless of course there is some kind of dinner planned with the Dr’s but outside of that I will be relaxing. I’m going to try to upload my photos right away that I take. I know there will be all kinds of crazy as shots and angles that I get. I always take weird photos while highly intoxicated from anesthesia and pain meds lol.

I will be taking one bag and my book bag and i want to see if I can get them both as carry on’s but we shall see how that works out. I mean I wont have anything that would be a hazard all my meds will be labeled in clear bags etc. But if it makes things easier I’ll just check my duffel bag. I’ve decided to cut down on some clothes since I will just be there alone not doing a damn thing lol. So ill prob have some sweats, shorts, and undies that’s about it. I can walk around shirtless for all I care lol.

Lets see what else is going on with my life? Well had my levels checked early this month and my levels were sky damn HIGH, 1162. No bueno, it’s just so amazing what removal of the major estrogen agent can do to the body. With this happening my Dr. decided it was only right to lower my dosage from .5 ml/100 mg/week to .25 ml/50 mg/week. The concentration is still the same (200 mg) the major change is the dose and the vials, instead of 10 ml vail i now have 1 ml vail which is a whole months worth. I have 4 of those now, which is pretty cool.

I will be retiring from the east coast for good after surgery. I wont put too much of my moving plans out there but I am happy with where I’m going. I found an excellent clinic and have my first appt. at my 7th week post op date. They work well with transgender men and women which is great. Not too pricey, $125 for initial visit, $75 for any other visits after that then labs are done by labcorp. Seeing as though I’m done with the surgical part I only need to really see them when its time for T and as it stands that’s only every 4-5 months.

I’m currently studying to be a pharmacy tech, hence why I just had that anal break down of conversion calculations when I was talking about my T dosage lol. It helps me remember things when I’m constantly involving it in my life. I plan on going to school to be a Pharmacist, I found I have a serious love for Pharmaceuticals. Whether it will be next year or 2012 will be determined by applications and required courses. I may have to take a few courses to eligible for the school I want BUT that will not stop me at all from doing what I want and need. It will just give me more credentials to excel and exceed all limits and expectations. I’m really excited about this upcoming year. It’s like for the first time in my life I can actually think straight and focus on life and not just transition. It’s a very invigorating feeling if I had to say so myself.

Besides all this stuff im just waiting in pure excitement with no set expectations. I’ve learned no matter what plans I set in stone I always need to be a bit flexible and allow things to flow. There is always another way to get to the goal I want. So plan A through Z are already in place and if A through Z fail there’s always 1 through 1 million. I’m living with no limits and only expectation is to succeed .

Damn its amazing what transition can do.

Until Next Time

Salaam

On another note I just got a job today GO ME! It’s nothing spectacular but its money for getting things I need before I leave. Hopefully I will be able to keep my job and just take medical leave especially since I will be a union worker so I maybe very well protected in my job. BUT we shall see, I’m not exactly sure what to tell my job yet to get the time off but when that time comes I will come up with something. Any suggestions are welcome below.

I’m down to 76 days now until its time for me to leave for Belgrade. These damn days are just flying by I still have to get my passport but that shouldn’t take that long. My worries behind that are my BC but I’m going to send in an affidavit of birth with the copy of the BC I have old school records, my name change, therapy letters, letter from Dr. Miro, and all other proofs of ID that I have. Hopefully they won’t give me no bullshit and just give me my stuff all they really want to see is that I’m a citizen  and with a social alone that should be able to prove who I am but we all know how the gov likes to bullshit.

Tickets for the flight there are brought which makes me feel super duper excited to actually know what time I’m leaving and arriving. I believe it’s 6:15 pm we leave and will be making one stop in Paris with like a 2 hour lay over then from there to Belgrade. that should be a real treat I’ve always want to see Paris even if its for a few hours in the airport lol. So I will be in Belgrade at 11:50-12 pm. The time difference is going to screw me up I already know it. They are 5 hours ahead so when I’m actually having surgery it will be the wee hours of the AM back here. That just means when I come back from the OR everyone I want to talk to should be awake. Just to let those of you know the tickets we got are from http://www.cheapoair.com 2 tickets for $1585.10 round trip which is freaking awesome and that’s taxes included. Now all I have to really do is get the supplies I need and want to take with me to ensure everything will be gravy.

The remaining balance that was left for my actual surgery was 9000 euros and half of that got paid today as well. So I feel very accomplished and well  off money wise when it comes to everything being in place. Now that leaves only 4500 euros left for surgery to be paid in full. The only expense after this would be food and apartment stay funds which is $1100 that’s definitely not that bad at all.

Seeing as though I’m a working man again I can definitely get an external hard drive for all my millions of pictures and also try to clear up my comp some. IF I don’t say screw it and just get another comp all together. But we shall see priorities first and that would be things needed to get me through this surgery as comfortably as possible.

I really honestly can’t wait until I come back from surgery and just able to send off my documents and wait on the mail. I just can’t believe I’m only a few months away from holding an authentic BC in my hand with all the correct information on it. Hell just going to my interview today and not having a doubt in my mind about my ID and social had me in such a state of euphoria its beyond indescribable.

To think this time in 2008 I was just getting excited about my name change coming up in 3 weeks. Now 2 years later its almost the end of my surgical transition and I would have never in my life imagined I would be here now. It’s crazy because the month of OCT. is a hard one for me I lost 2 very important role models and my great aunt all back to back. But I feel like what I’m doing for myself to be happy is something that all would have wanted and by me following through and not giving in to any temptations of failure I am making them all proud. It’s crazy how life turns out but in the end everything happens for a reason. I guess you can say my underlying motivation to succeed in my own happiness. I didn’t want to leave this earth as someone else I didn’t see myself as.

Can’t wait to get to know myself all over again , the anticipation is killing me lol.

Until next time…

Salaam

So I’ve begun to make a check list of things, it’s no where near done but this is what I have for myself so far. Seeing as though we all have different needs/wants everyone’s pre-op checklist varies a bit. Key to great travel?

LESS IS BETTER, I’m only bringing the essentials…

Surgery supplies-

1. Antiembolism stockings: up to your thighs (groins) – these were requested by Dr. Marta
2. 2 Donut pollows: in my case im using neck pillows because they are softer but still in the same shape as the donut pillow
3. Baby wipes: For personal hygiene before I’m allowed to shower, I sweat super bad. Upper body ONLY
   
4. Razors & Shaving Cream: genital shaving, what not fun this will be lol
   
5. Triple antibiotic ointment: for keeping incision sites clear and clean of any lingering bacteria. OCD has me extra precautious
6. Cotton swabs: To clean in between testicles and other crevasses before being allowed to shower and/or between showers.
7. Sterile saline wipes: For cleaning genital area before full showers and/or between actual bathing just to keep things fresh.
8. Gauze pads: extra padding for my new jewels also to pad my surgical brief just in case there is leakage of draining fluids.
9. Surgical tape: to secure the suprapubic catheter tubing to my body while traveling and moving around.
10. Self adhering bandages: To re-warp my penis to control swelling. Somewhat does the same job as compression vest for chest surgery.

Medications-

1. Testosterone: I will be able to have my first shot after being off 2 weeks prior to surgery shortly after surgery. Not too found of this don’t like anyone else doing my T shots.
2. Xanax: Helps with any anxiety I may have as well as it is kick ass for sleeping lol.
3. Percocet: the good stuff I plan to not feel anything unless I have to lol. these also put me to sleep so between this and xanax I should be good on sleep meds.
4. Antibiotics: Augmentin a 1 g for twice a day usage, for 7 days and then one tablet per day until having the suprapubic drainage is removed. (Belgrade requested)
   
5. Antibiotics: Levofloxacine tablets a 250mg for twice a day use for 7 days. (Belgrade requested)
   
6. Asthma Pump: yes I have asthma lol
7. Fruit and veggie multivitamins: they promote healing and gives me a full day serving of fruits and veggies when I am unable to eat them like I should. Also helps to protect my liver from all the heavy medications I will be using.
8. Bladder Spasm Meds: these will help with the spasms I will get from having a cath in so long
9. Stool softener: just in cash I need a little help getting things out, straining is not a good thing with fresh balls. After my hysto I know the pushing feeling felt crazy so I image this will be one in the same.
10. Cranberry pills: these are to help fight urinary infections, I have had then before UTI’s are a pain in the ass.
11. Thermometer: Just to keep clear on what my temp is so that I know if/when there maybe a possible infection.

Personal Toiletries-

1. Toothbrush
2. Wisp on the go tooth brushes: This will be used if I can not open my mouth wide from buccal mucosa graft.
   
3. Toothpaste
4. Dial Antibacterial Body Wash: For post surgical washing to make sure every inch of me is germ free
5. Face cloth: I don’t use the same wash cloth on my face and body that’s kinda gross to put whaty was just between ya ass on your face lol.
   
6. Baby wash cloth: This will be my genital cleansing cloth seeing as though babies wash cloths tend to be A LOT softer on the skin.
7. Long sponge: So I will be able to clean my back without much trouble
8. Electric shaver: I may want to trim my facial hair but knowing me I’ll be lazy

Clothing-

1. Croc shoes: these are to be worn in the house. Some guys warned me about the floor being slippery with just socks on so I will get these because they are slip on and comfy. They are only for the house though seeing as though it will be winter and it will more then likely be snowing outside.
2. 7 Thermal shirts: Just to keep me extra warm I see myself stripping this off though lol.
3. 5 v-neck t-shirts: normal t-shirts make me feel like I’m freaking choking, I have a wide neck.
4. 5 beaters: I see myself spending a lot of time in this lol
   
5. My favorite basketball shorts: one of my comfort items
6. 2 pairs of pajama pants: I’m feeling Simpsons and Family Guy here lol. I’m not going to be doing too much so these are nice and loose fitted for new package.
7. 2 pair of loose pants: Scrubs are going to be my bestest pals not worried about the cold i’ll wear my pj pants under them lol.
   
8. 2 packs of Comfort Disposable/Reusable Stretch Mesh Underwear (6 per pack total of 12): These are excellent post surgical undies and they are nice and soft hole everything in place and reusable just wash and dry. They will be used under my briefs for extra protection against leaks/stains from drainage.
   
9. 7 pair of Hanes no ride up boxer briefs: I love these damn briefs and they live up to their names so they will be coming along with me.
10. 7 pairs of socks: dual thickness and knee highs gives me some variety if I’m in my shorts.
11. Bathrobe: For when I’m fresh out of the shower oh yeahhh
    
12. Hoodie & Jacket: it will be cold cold cold
13. Snow boots: I will be wearing these to Belgrade but they should still be listed. Nothing more then a reg paid of good boots nothing special.

Documents-

1. Passport: Definitely can not leave anywhere with out this no buddy
2. US ID: Just in case there needs to be further verification of who I am
3. Payment Receipts for Surgery: All for verification purpose so everyone is all agreed on all payments made.
4. Surgical Approval Letters: Definitely have to bring these 2 important letters as The Belgrade Team adheres to the WPATH standards of care.
   
5. Copy of Miro’s Surgical Letter: I just like to have everything in order so there’s further more verification of who I am.
6. Copy of most recent labs: Even though my PCP will be forwarding these results via email it’s always smart to have back up copies just in case things don’t reach Dr Korac(anesthesiologist).

Personal Entertainment-

1. Laptop and accessories: I will more then likely be using my granz HP mini. i plan to skype my life away and for those more personal friends they have my yahoo to chat and cam. Also I will be updating my blog while I’m just around sitting on my ass lol.
2. External Hard drive: I’m going to have a lot of video and photos not enough space for one hard drive. I will have to upgrade the space on this blog to allow all the pictures and footage I will have.
3. iPOD: Never leave home with out it lol
4. Cellphone: Not sure what good it will do but I shall see what happens to my service I mean after all I’m on sprint network lol.
5. Digital Camera: Lots and lots and lots and lots of pictures. Belgrade is very beautiful so everything within camera zone I’m taking a picture of it. While my granz sight sees I will grab those photos she takes and also upload them on my blog. I’ll be taking pictures of everything in the hospital as well and me every day to see my crazy drugged up faces lol.

Misc. Item(s)-

1. Pump: I will be pumping prior to surgery still so I’m bringing it with me.
2. 3 in one detergent: Have to be able to wash my close the end of each week.
   

Comfort food aka snacks-

1. haribo gummies: yayyyy lol don’t mind me that’s my snack lol
2. ginger ale: It eases my stomach after having anesthesia

Outside of those foods it will be fruits and regular foods, I’ve been hearing how good Serbian food is I’m dying to try some lol.

So as you see my list isn’t long at all it’s very cool, calm, and collective just the way I like it and will help me keep track of things as I pack up. I’ll probably end up printing off this post and using it as my check list sheet lmao. I know once in Belgrade i will be in contact with the American Embassy, it’s just a precaution any one should take while traveling to another country. Seeing as though my uncle is consulate for the American Embassies abroad I’ve heard plenty of stories of people being in jacked up situations and needing him to come bail them out. Since I’m traveling with granz its a needed thing she does when going to any country, better safe then sorry is how she sees it.

Over all I’m feeling really confident about everything at the moment. I should be getting my letter for surgery next month I see my therapist the 16th so I will put him up to speed and give him some time to write the letter up even though He could possibly do it right then but I will see how he feels about it. The I will be getting the other letter from another therapist right before I leave so that’s two letters locked and loaded.

Thanks to granz research we found round trip tickets for $538 so that’s a great thing to know. I’m not sure what site she is using but she didn’t see anything over $720 for round trip. I’m not sure if that’s just the timing of year or if in fact she’s using some frequent flier discount but I’ll check it out and report my findings lol she be getting the hook up I swear lol.

It does feel great to get this down where I can see it instead of it just floating around in my head. And these days are just skating by next thing I know i will be down to 30 days. My heart is going to racing and I just know I’m going to literally be scatter brained lol. The anticipation is killing me lmao.

First half of balance payment will be made tomorrow

But Until then…

Salaam

Over the years I’ve seen a large disgusting pool of misinformed and uneducated information flying around about FTM lower surgery. I just want to bring a bit of light and clarity to whats what and what definitely is not.

FACT: Transmen have 2 lower surgery options(metoidioplasty and phalloplasty that consist of many different techniques) that ARE NOT the same procedure. The only similarity they have is the fact they produce more male appearing genitalia.

FACT: Not all Transmen want or need lower surgery. That does not make them any less of a man.

Now that, that is out there let me begin by saying I will be talking about one version of metoidioplasty. Please keep in mind there are at least 4-5 possible ways to approach metoidioplasty. It is more so dependent on the Dr. you are pursuing.

1. Full metoidioplasty (what i will be discussing):

• Clitorial release
• Clitorial lengthening
• Extended urethra
• Full or partial Vaginectomy(depends on the dr)
• Scrotoplasty
• Testicular implants

2. Clitorial release or Simple Meta

3. Ring metoidioplasty with or without testicular implants at patients discretion

4. Centurion metoidioplasty

5. Full metoidioplasty with no Urinary extension

Numbers 1, 3, 4 and 5 are similar but all entail different things that make then a bit different from the next. Some are done in one stage and others are in 2-3 stages depending on the Dr. and the patients preference.

The metoidioplasty i will be talking about today is preformed by my Dr./Team of choice in Belgrade Serbia. It is a full metoidioplasty so refer back to 1 to see what it entails as i continue on.

First and for most the main requirement for this surgery is growth associated with being on testosterone. There are some people with natural length and T enhances it then others that get mass gain from being on testosterone. Either or when consulting with a Dr. about this procedure growth is a key point. The Dr. will tell you what he/she thinks in regards to if you are a good candidate for the procedure as well as if you need to do anything to enhance your surgical outcome such as pumping or DHT use. Most require you be at least a year on testosterone before having this done to get some decent growth in that region.

FACT: Just because you have metoidioplasty at year 2 on testosterone does not mean you will not grow after surgery. this is a common misconception if you are still growing you will continue after surgery.

Then from there the steps of surgery come into play…

For step by step pictures: ONE STAGE METOIDIOPLASTY

CLITORAL LENGTHENING

• All clitoral ligaments should be divided to lengthen clitoris. These ligaments are very well developed and make hooded clitoris in normal female. Division should be radical and includes lateral and suspensory ligaments.
• Urehral plate is too short and causes ventral curvature. Plate is mobilized together with spongiosal tissue before cutting to prevent extreme bleeding.
• Appearance after division of ligaments dorsolaterally and short urethral plate ventrally. Clitoris is completely lengthened. Marked places on the dorsum show levels of ligament attachments.
• Ventral aspect after division of the urethral plate. Gap between glans cap and urethral opening is 6 cm long. Bleeding is minimal thanks to very precise dissection of spongiosal tissue.

URETHRAL RECONSTRUCTION – bulbar part

• Reconstruction of the bulbar urethra. Well-vascularized vaginal flap is created from anterior vaginal wall.
• Vaginal flap and urethral plate are joined to form bulbar urethral part. This way, urethra is lengthened.

URETHRAL RECONSTRUCTION – buccal mucosa graft

• Buccal mucosa graft is placed to cover the gap between glans cap and bulbar urethra.
• Appearance of the donor site after harvesting the graft and closure the defect.
• Buccal graft is fixed to the corporal bodies by quilting sutures. It is very important to prevent haematoma formations and for better survival of the graft.

URETHRAL RECONSTRUCTION – clitoral skin flap

• Very long skin flap is harvested from the dorsal clitoral skin. Flap is harvested with very wide subcutaneous vascularized tissue.
• Flap is transposed ventrally by button-hole maneuver and prepared to join with buccal mucosa graft.
• Joining of the skin flap and buccal mucosa graft. Glans is also opened for creation of glandial part of the urethra.
• Urethral reconstruction is done. All suture lines are covered with vascularized tissue. It is very important in prevention of fistula formation.

URETHRAL RECONSTRUCTION – labia minora flap

• Flap from inner labial surface is designed in appropriate size
• Flap is dissected from the border between inner and outer labial surface. It is attached to the base for better blood supply support. One edge is joined with dorsal part of urethra formed from buccal mucosa graft
• Urethra is formed. Suture lines will be covered with outer surface of the labia minora that will be ventral part of the penile skin.

SCROTOPLASTY/TESTICULAR IMPLANTS

• Reconstruction of the penile skin is done. Scrotum is formed by joining of both labia majora. Perineum is created to be as a male.
• Testicle implants are inserted into the scrotum using two similar incisions at the top of the scrotum.

FINAL ASPECTS

• Appearance after surgery. Penis is positioned at right position. Very well relationship between penis and scrotum is achieved.

FACT: once surgery is complete you have a fully sensanate, functioning, able to void while standing penis. Depending on your prior size you can penetrate seeing as though through this method you tend to gain a bit of length and girth. Continued pumping after post op can also add to this ability very much.

Within this procedure there is also a full vaginectomy.  Vaginectomy is a medical procedure to remove all or part of the vagina. For those like myself that do not like to think about the black hole or those parts even being there this is excellent to have done. Also seeing as though once the vaginal opening is closed there is no way for the moisture to escape which can cause later on issues that you really don’t want or need.

Seeing as though I’ve already had a total hysterectomy it will not be need in this procedure but it can be done at the same time for someone who has not already had TLH-BSO.

Like with any surgery everything carries complication, risks, and differences but the more you know your body and the procedure the better you can prepare yourself for all possibilities. one of the most common things that happens with any surgery that involves dealing with teh urethra you can experience fistula. In medicine, a fistula(pl. fistulas or fistulae) is an abnormal connection or passageway between two epithelium-lined organs or vessels that normally do not connect. You will notice leakage from points and places they aren’t supposed to be. This is not the case for everyone but it is something that happens that you should be aware of. These can solve themselves at times and others you will need surgical intervention.

For this particular surgery the duration is about 4 hours. Also you will have a catheter to aid in urinary relief while your new urethra is healing. The sub-pubic cath. stays in about 4-6 weeks with combined usage of antibiotics to ensure no infections occur.

FACT: Each mans outcome is VERY VERY different then the next. No two cis-men have the same shape nor sized penis not even biological twins. So what you have will not be the shape, size, nor appearance as the next. Only use pictures for perspective medical capabilities of the Dr. NOT what you will look like.

Now that some truths are out there regarding one procedure I feel a lot better and I hope I have helped to truthfully educate some of you who did not really know the truths behind it and held speculations.

111 More days and I will be able to give very detailed accounts of whats what and what is not…

Salaam

The actual structural anatomy of a penis versus the clitoris, If you read the follow chart there are only a few things that make them that different.

Size, shape, and vaginal opening really make the difference. Erectile tissue and function are both one in the same. When aroused they both swell and in turn become larger.

An interesting article to support the notions of them being one in the same as well: THE FEMALE PENIS

Now with knowing that and going into the subject more knowledgeable of your anatomy we can proceed to the fun stuff. Does pumping really work? YES, BUT you have to do the work to get the results. Just like with working out your not going to see any result sitting on your ass whining and wishing. Time practice and consistency gets you where ad the size you want to be.

With time and dedication you can go from a small size too a large size which to someone with lower dsyphoria that is a great way to feel better about your day. I can personally say it is recommended by my Dr. to pump before getting meta to achieve gains in girth and length prior to surgery so that the end result is much more prominent then those who choose not to or do not feel comfortable pre op to post. He also recommends pumping up to a year post op to keep from having retraction of the penis. Which might I add many guys do not know that happens and can look like it shortens you and it really is not the case at all. Another key point to pumping is listening to your body. If it is uncomfortable STOP! If you hurt your wang your going to be one unhappy camper.

I’ve found that pumping correctly is the best way to do anything in regards to pumping. Lubrication is another issue if its too dry in the cylinder then your going to have some serious issues with friction. Friction equals some serious pain not to mention you could be messing up your pumping potential.

Healthy and happy pumping is simple and easy:

1. Get a quality pump that fits you
2. Use lube
3. practice a continuous cycle of pumping

3 Steps to increased size and happiness 8D

Happy pumping!

Perovic SV, Djordjevic ML.

School of Medicine, Belgrade University, Yugoslavia. uromiros@eunet.yu

PMID: 14632860 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Djordjevic ML, Stanojevic D, Bizic M, Kojovic V, Majstorovic M, Vujovic S, Milosevic A, Korac G, Perovic SV.

University Children’s Hospital-Urology, Belgrade, Serbia. djordjevic@uromiros.com

PMID: 19175859 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Djordjevic ML, Bizic M, Stanojevic D, Bumbasirevic M, Kojovic V, Majstorovic M, Acimovic M, Pandey S, Perovic SV.

Belgrade Center for Genital Reconstruction, University of Belgrade, Serbia. djordjevic@uromiros.com

PMID: 19501885 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Not to mention I have no issues standing while peeing. I actually had a few ask me how ad my honest answer is I really don’t know. I tried it at 5 and been doing it ever since then lol. A lot ask do I get annoyed having to pull my pants down in the stall and at times yes I do but after logically thinking about a few things the annoyance is purely the fact that I do have to pull them down not the actual fact of not being able to use the urinal. Honestly speaking unless it’s a floor urinal I’m not using it anyway. I don’t know if you have seen a mensroom urinal but I’ll be damned if I’m peeing in that, mess around get splash back and end up with clap lmao naw I’m good. But as I said there’s many logical reasons as to why my pants are down to my ankles…

1) I could have a catheter that needs to be emptied

2) I could be one of those people that feel more able to go if nothing is around my body (for those that get naked to crap you know what in talking about)

3) I could just have been like that all my life and just like the privacy

Fact is men using the mensroom AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION ANYWAY! With the transition from the ladies room to the mensroom I think we tend to develop some pre thoughts of what we think is going on but truth is were making ourselves paranoid as hell. Which ultimately leads to a deeper level of dysphoria some what of a plateau.

So my plan was to never use the urinal really so it’s not top priority my only priority is to be anatomically correct in male form. I find also my needs def. vary from many guys I have talked to I really haven’t spoken to anyone who had just my reason there’s always ones to accompany. Not saying they are wrong by no means I just feel like oddball out. It’s cool though I pride myself on being unique and it gives others direct if they choose so.

Just like asking me to always use an enhancer during play had me really dysphoric. I’ve been able to actively penetrate without assistance for the greater majority of my transition so me knowing I can but being asked to for lack of better terms “strap up” is def a low blower for me. Basically I know I can penetrate her but her telling me that to me I’d like saying “oh ya package is cool but not big enough for me”….can we say ouch much? Once again I don’t think anyone else has this issue but it bothered me for quite some time. For a long while it had me set on getting a phallo because that’s what seemed to be what women wanted. BUT I had to catch myself in that moment and ask myself, “sir what in SAM hell are you doing? Are we doing this to please people that ultimately are seasonal or are we doing this for us and long term satisfaction and ultimate dysphoria alleviation?” and every time it’s the same answer THIS IS MY BODY AND I’M DOING THIS FOR ME! Which lead me to constant research on natural enhancement which in turn has been helping me grow pre meta and will result in phenomenal results post op that will get rid of the issues I’m having now.

My ultimate plan has been and always will be meta and then phallo. My reasons are simple, phallo was never my need it was a basis to please others. BUT who knows what the future of technology will bring so I keep it as a later in life option that I have plenty of time to save for. I’m 22 and have yet to do what I need to do with life because it’s consumed with transition and dysphoria. Some people can do everything at once but myself I like to focus completely on one life change before following another. One of the main reasons I had to transition when I did. But by doing so transition eats no more time out of my life then a 2 year college. I think it was well worth it, because once I’m 110% my school work will be easy and I won’t be stressed about my test and when is surgery gonna happen, how’s it getting done, who’s doing it, etc. It just makes my life easier. Sure maybe if I transitioned during HS it would have been easier to multi task but still even then HS for ne was beyond horrible and being in foster care telling them wouldve made my life living he’ll. Even though I was dying to say something but I couldn’t.

I think overall I pride myself for being different, wanted different, and thinking different. Yes I have my black male ego but you know what honestly I don’t need to compare because I was not born like the normal black male. And it’s if we go in terms of size I still have nothing to be ashamed of at all. Size is only circumstantial, if you have love, trust, and understanding you will get far. Just a small FYI for all those with this terrible ego we all have….most women really really don’t want a king kong dick in them they like their walls lmao. Personally if a chick told me she wanted one that’s huge I would have to walk away cause I really have no time to play in wading pools lmao. I’m just saying though I like to be able to feel my surroundings, if I wanted deep space 9 I would call caption Kurt and Scotty and tell them start the beam up roflmmao. I could go on for ever but y’all get the point lol.

Since my stop is up next I’ll end it here just had to get a bit of my issues out on the table….

Until next time

Salaam

They invited me out there to visit soo that was a birthday gift as well, and my step mom said she’s taking me to the clubs. Not sure how I feel about partying with parental figures lol. I really don’t associate with my father like that so hey looks like he’s coming around for the better I wouldn’t mind getting my relationship back fully with him. He didn’t even know he was talking to me when my grandma handed him the phone. He was like “WOW, your voice is deeper then Jeff’s (my uncle)”, my voice is deeper then his as well think that surprised him even more lol. His wife was actually the first person to tell me happy birthday. Unlike his previous women I think I like her a lot better she’s keeping him grounded just don’t know what it is with Virgo’s they need guidance when it comes to love. The last spouse he had that I got along with was when I was about 8 and thats only because she was around since I was a baby, for a while I thought she was my mom hell mine wasn’t around like that lol. I also spoke to my mom she’s doing well which im proud about she hasn’t had the greatest track record, she still does irritating ass things but she’s getting better. I told her about bottom surgery she “says” she’s going to help given past circumstances I’ll just factor her in as a maybe for now and not going to get my hopes up.

I got CPR and First AID certified on Monday so now I’m just waiting on my transcripts with my new name and need to get a new ID as well. Once I have this I can go back to my employer and get my placement. they have about 60 different security contracts within the city none starting less then $9/hr so hopefully before the first the job will be under weigh. i like the agency a lot they are very professional, all the stuff I have to have in order to get the best placed jobs ($14-19/hr) is intense and somewhat time consuming but it’s allowing me to get things in order that I needed to do and get anyway. So it’s like the push i needed.

Gotta get that good old NYS ID with my nice new happy M on it, my ID has said my name for years just not the M which most days no one pays attention to it any how and if they do I tell them my ex works at the DMV hence the F they laugh it off and keep going. This will help me be able to get my NYS Security license which means another pay increase. I’m keeping my NJ ID as well I have to renew that this month as well with a nice fat M on it which I have been able to do since April but just haven’t gotten around to it just yet. So that’s in the works so I can get this new job. But I’m not stressing it everything has been falling in place nicely. I’m going to get my passport after Top/Hysto Surgery (which is soon just waiting on things to clear and consult with the urologist/gynecologist doing the hysto) so that way there’s no issues with Male being on there and I don’t have to bother with a temp passport Hell I won’t even have to report me having bottom surgery because by then all my records including BC will reflect me as 100% MALE. I could get the passport now BUT patience is virtue and I have learned this first hand it is all falling into place with me just asking for it and believing in the fact it will happens sounds crazy to some but it has gotten me to this point so far.

Surgery wise:

Well I woke up this morning with a nice email from Dr. Marta (Dr Handling Patients and scheduling) going over some important details of surgery so that I know exactly what I need to get out the way and paid. Here’s a little over view of what Im going to be paying. It was kinda funny I was asking some other guys how scheduling went so when I emailed her I just left the window of available dates open even though in my mind I have always had a specific date, Dec 9th. To my big surprise that is exactly what date they would like to schedule me for, if that isn’t a green light that this is definitely destiny I really don’t know what else is. The 9th is very important number I started T on the 9th, Karpi did as well, I found out about getting bottom surgery on the 9th, also going into 2011 my son will be 9. I’m a big numerology man so I look to numbers for a lot of things. Matter fact I used to break down birthdays and ages for everyone close to me and by doing simple math I find that everyone that I hold close the sums of digits relating to them equals dates in my life such as my birthday, my age, or even down to the time I was born. Numbers tell a lot of stories.

But anyway I want to share with you what Dr. Marta told me, I know Dr. Miro’s prices have been shared but for those of you with hysto or vaginectomy prior to lower surgery will want to know more about the adjusted prices. Without hysto during surgery it shaves about 2+K off of the actual price.

THE BREAKDOWN:

price = $14,694.76 total for surgery

Surgery: $13,779.62 or 10000 EUR

Implants: $1074.63 or 780 EUR

10% of surgical fee + price of implants for deposit: $2452.59 or 1780 EUR

STAY =

12 day stay AFTER release from the hospital

-Leave the 7th, early in the morning or mid day.
*There is a 6 hour time difference with the EST not days. The easiest way to figure travel is calculate the time of the flight in your time zone then add the time difference.

Ex. Leaving at 6 am would put me in Belgrade at 4 pm EST.
6 am + 10 h flight = 4 pm
4 pm + 6 h time difference = 11 pm CET

-Arrive 1 day before (Dec 8th)

-Surgery Dec 9th 2010 (YAY!)

-4 days in the hospital, dependent upon normal recovery (9th-13th)

-12 days recovery stay (13th-24th)

-Return on the 13th day (Dec 25th. Can you say merry xmas to me, with a nice shiny new pair of nuts lol 8D)

apt pricing for recovery =

60 EUR a night x 12 nights + 14% Tax = 820.80 EUR or $1118.36
*Only 1 guest is included in the above price, only 2 guest are permitted to accompany you the second guest is EXTRA.

FOLLOW THIS LINK TO SEE MY REAL TIME UP TO DATE SURGERY PLANNER
*Just an FYI, my surgery planning chart is live in real time so as I save you can watch the prices decrease if you want to check in on my progress as well. *

So in total surgery + stay is no more then $15,813.12, I say the trip is well worth the cost and still cheaper then staying in the US. YAY for me lol.

As far as paying goes it is through transfer and/or I can choose to depost the money into the proper Bank Of America Account, how convenient. So so far things are looking great for surgery. I have my date, just need to get this deposit in To make things 100% non reversible and lock in.

Thanks for all the support and def. thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday. That’s the most I’ve gotten EVER 8D.

Salaam

So I get an email from my grandmother about NJ license renewal sent to her house and she needs my new address. So I send here a little bit of an update on whats going on with me and how I’m having conflicts with what bottom surgeon I wanted to go with. She’s really laid back and cool for 60, (if you want to know why I’m the man I am she raised me lol) so I sent her links to all the Dr’s and I asked her to pick for me. Well not to my surprise she did and it was who I wanted to go to since 2005 (Miro) so that helped alot but not only did she do that she gave me the best b-day gift I never even asked for. this is what her response was to my savings break down:

“I’m glad for the update. I have a CD that you are beneficiary to. I have to change the name on it. If you want it for your surgery, that’s fine with me. It’s for 10k, and I can have it for you by Dec. Also, I have a friend from Belgrade and she might be able to help you with accommodations there. Grandma”

As I type this let it be known this grown man is in sissy tears and I don’t give a damn either. I love my grandmother to death, when i came out as trans she was the FIRST person I told. When I need to go to groups and dr’s appts even though she didn’t know what for yet she made sure I got there and wasnt in the house depressed. The woman who has kept me fed every day for the past 2 years I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

This is my best b-day gift ever i dont care if I never get another thing in my life this took the cake and ran 10 thousand miles with it.

Oh and did I mention today was month 19? I almost forgot my damn self lol

So now It is off to schedule consult with Miro, goodness I can’t believe I can actually say that shit. You have no idea how good that feels. 2010 is really really my year and its being proven left and right. Now it’s off to make phone calls I got some happy tears to share lol.

Salaam

Not that any of the doctors are bad that I have seen they are all seen as “the best” BUT with a factual grasp on reality no one is the best. It’s only who is the best for you, sometimes we lose sight of that.

The Dr. i’m seeing is well known, well to those that aren’t newly researching transition he is well known. Before transster was down there was a lot of his work on there, now you can rarely find it one of those names that disappeared with Dr. Readon. He’s one of those names that faded off with the Garramone/Brownstien hype but hey that just means more room for me to get what I need because its less people in his office lmao. I won’t say his name due to a few reasons but I will say his reputation and experience is a long as the Constitution lmao but i assume that comes with the territory of being a park ave surgeon. He’s been doing surgery since before a good 65% of us on the mensroom were even born, i find confidence in that as well.

I will be seeing him for gyneocamastia cuz right about now im working with big pecs lol. But we shall see either way i want to be purse stringed to remove the excess skin.

So far the office staff make me want to marry them lmao. the are that awesome and caring i love it. Out of all the consults I feel the most at home just speaking to them over the phone. Oh not to mention the Dr. corresponds with me nightly (well after office hours) when I have any questions as well as the office staff is prompt to pick up during office hours. Matter fact the first email I sent to him was xmas eve, he sent me a wonderful xmas gift of a fee waived consultation . Yes he replied on CHRISTMAS, who does that? I love it lol.

I have been patiently waiting for something to happen and im glad we crossed paths. Something are meant to happen for certain reason and just because you may not know the exact reason doesn’t mean that is not your path. Follow your heart a little with the use of your own mind and success will be shown. Trust me its already written it’s just waiting for you to pick up and get in gear.

OHHH and before I forget, the added bonus! Not only will I consult for top surgery today but I get to link up with a local urologist that can handle my hysto, vaginectomy, and Meta. Now you see why my xmas went from shit on wheels to heaven in a handbag lol. Like i said things always happen for a reason, I was trying to be showed something but never given more then I can handle the ways of the world.

I love my decision to move to NYC, I should’ve came home a lot sooner but I was scarred from my brother passing away. Too close to be reminded, but I know i’m making him very very proud as well as our older brother they are both watching out for me now. The last of the 3 musketeers but ima make the most of it.

Thanks to all of my big and little brother that have been keeping me sane. love you guys like a fat kid loves cake 8D

pt 2 when i come home…

Yesterday morning I went to the Dr. with the help of my bro(thanks man) and was taken in for a long overdue complete physical. I told the Dr. my symptoms and she was completely understanding and made me feel extremely comfortable despite the actual pain I was in. She asked me how did I keep a smile and its simple, life is too short to be upset all the time no matter whats wrong.

So we go through my family history of bullshit, never really sat and thought about it all but I have like 3 different cancers in my family; lung, breast, and cervical. So we get down to the dreaded “Man smear” ewwww hate thinking about it. I tell her where my pain is located(lower left side from my naval all the way over to my hip). She feels the right side there is nothing out of the normal, she feels the left side and immediately she feels the swelling. A internal check of the “cervix” from eyesight she immediately seen the fact that the tissue is softened and also the cavity is dry as ever (dryness is from being on T nothing strange about that though).

So test are now being run to rule things out, she ordered an internal ultrasound but they say the only date open is in feb….not feeling that so gotta see what I can do about moving that around. Im nervous about is the big C word. Its genetically in my family so I’m scared thats what it is. And if it is how far is it? Whats going to happen? Can they stop it? there’s a million things on my mind at this point in time but main thing im scared.

I know ultimately the results of this will be a hysto for me but still even if the hysto is done and I have it will I still have it?

Trying not to get depressed but Im hoping for the best….excuse me if Im a little bit distant. I’ll update more on weds when I go back to see her.

Salaam

This blog will be complete with pre-op videos, post op video, during surgical video and pictures, Post op comparisons, and anything else I can think of that will positively depict the proper surgical happenings of a transman.

As you see there are also, videos of my youtube as well so feel free to read around and get the hang of things as well as spread the site to those that may need the help.

Salaam

Dr. Toby Meltzer

Originally, Dr. Toby Meltzer was not on my radar as a potential surgeon for metoidioplasty, mostly due to cost. However, Dr. Meltzer’s reported 2% complication rate stuck in my head. Inspired by my hysterectomy experience, reducing the risks of complication is my top priority.

I had the chance to see Dr. Meltzer’s presentation, FTM: GRS, at the Gender Odyssey conference last week in Seattle. These are the points that stuck out for me in his talk:

• The complication rate with urethral lengthening without vaginectomy (colpocleisis) can be 15%-20% higher. (Dr. Webb states this is actually 40%-45% higher.) Vaginal secretions into the surgical site just don’t contribute to good healing.
• In his practice, vaginectomy takes just over an hour, has limited blood loss, and has a less than 1% complication rate. (He recalls one bladder injury.)
• Metoidioplasty with urethral lengthening takes 2 – 2.5 hrs.
• Pumping works. It enlarges corporal bodies and skin. Recommended both pre- and post-op.
• Growth can continue post-operatively.
• Atypical bacteria is found in androgenized vagina (re: weakened vaginal tissues from testosterone use.)
• Hardest part of urethral extension is getting the curve right. There are no “L” or “J” urethroplasty procedures or methods. The goal is an “L” shaped hook-up; poorly executed the result is a “J.”
• There are no long term complication risks to his knowledge. Once you’re past 6-12 months post-op, there’s no complication that could occur that couldn’t be handled by any urologist.
• Dr. Meltzer displayed photos of excellent looking metoidioplasty results from his patients.
• See further notes below about complication rate and tissues used for urethral extension.

That evening, I also had the opportunity to have an in-person consultation with Dr. Meltzer. I found him and his two staffers to be friendly, easy to talk to, and very knowledgeable. I told him how impressed I was with his complication rate (which is even lower than 2%!) We briefly discussed why he doesn’t use vaginal tissue for urethroplasty and how that relates to my theory that trans men are at higher risk for post-hysterectomy VVF than women are.

We also talked about scrotoplasty. When Dr. Meltzer talks about “scrotoplasty” he’s referring to the surgical procedure of moving and rotating the labia majora, then fusing them into a scrotal sac–without implants. If the patient desires implants, expanders and implants can be done at a later date. Dr. Meltzer sees no issues with waiting years for implants, or not having them at all, and he will do scrotoplasty–without expanders or implants–in combination with vaginectomy, and metoidioplasty with urethral lengthening.

Dr. Meltzer offered to do a simple visual exam to ascertain my suitability for urethral lengthening based on my dick size. I mentioned to him that I’d used DHT for three months. He said, “Well, keep doing whatever you’re doing because you’ve got great growth!” I asked him what kind of post-op length I could expect and Dr. Meltzer gently grabbed my dick between his gloved fingers and pulled it straight out. “There’s your length!”

I’m extremely impressed with Dr. Meltzer, his low complication rate, the very swanky surgical venue and the North American location. His pricing is higher than my other options, but after my hysterectomy experience, I would pay twice as much to avoid a complication (and this is coming from someone who has saved $0 for bottom surgery.) If I were booking surgery tomorrow, it would be with Dr. Toby Meltzer.

Questions and Answers

What meta procedure do you offer for trans men?

• Metoidioplasty, with or without urethral extension, and scrotoplasty.

• “Scrotoplasty” refers to the surgical procedure of moving, rotating and fusing the labia majora. Scrotoplasty may or may not include expanders and/or implants.

What is your 2008 pricing for this procedure?

• Vaginectomy: $8,073
• Metoidioplasty with scrotoplasty – no prosthesis: $9,750
• Primary urethral lengthening: $12,950
• Total: $30,773 USD.

Is an in-person consultation required prior to booking surgery?
Yes. The cost for this is $100 USD.

What kind of waiting list do you have?
It’s recommended to book your consultation 2-3 months in advance. The waiting list for a surgery date is about 6 months, but those with more flexible schedules may be able to take advantage of a short notice cancellation.

Do you perform this in one or two surgeries?
Vaginectomy, metoidioplasty, scrotoplasty (no prosthesis) and primary urethral lengthening can be done in one stage. If scrotal prosthesis is desired, expanders can be put in 6 months post operatively (Stage 2), and replaced at a later date with a permanent prosthesis (Stage 3.)

Where do you perform these procedures?
Greenbaum Surgery Center, Scottsdale, Arizona, USA.

Do you require patients to stop taking testosterone prior to surgery?
Yes, patient must stop taking testosterone 2-4 weeks before surgery and can resume normal administration post-operatively.

How long is the hospital stay?
2-4 days in hospital, then stay in the area for 14 days.

What tissue is used for the urethral extension?
Labial tissue and the urethral plate. Sometimes buccal mucosa is used (inner cheek) but it’s not preferred. Vaginal tissue (anterior vaginal wall, mucosa) is not used. Androgenized vaginal tissue is weakened and more prone to fistula. Future plans include experimentation using small intestine for urethroplasty.

How long is the suprapubic catheter left in?
This depends on the patient’s healing progress, but typically it is removed 21-28 days post-op.

What are the common complications with these procedures?
Since 2003, Dr. Meltzer has had just two patients with a [notable] complication: one with a fistula (which healed spontaneously) and one with a stricture (which was healed with a simple outpatient cystoscopy.) Note: I’ve inserted “notable” into the claim above because I’ve learned that surgeons and patients don’t necessarily have the same definition of “complication.”

How many times have you performed metoidioplasty with urethral extension?
Dr. Meltzer has performed more than 800 FTM lower surgeries. He has done metoidioplasty with urethroplasty many, many times, but I don’t know the exact number. My guess is that he has the most experience with these procedures in North America.

Learn more about Dr. Meltzer:

• Ethan’s consult* with Dr. Meltzer

* UPDATES to Ethan’s consult:

• The vaginectomy now removes all vaginal mucosa.
• Dr. Meltzer no longer uses vaginal mucosa for urethroplasty.
• Dr. Meltzer’s OB/GYN Dr. Webb reports minimal blood loss with vaginectomy: 125 – 300cc. Only once did he have a patient require as much as 800cc. Many surgeons talk about 1 L of blood loss and multiple blood transfusions. Dr. Meltzer’s team has not experienced this.
• Dr. Meltzer will perform scrotoplasty at Stage 1—but without expanders or implants.

Please note: This information is provided for information purposes only and in no way should it serve as a replacement for your own research and consultations. My intent is not to find a “winner”, but to figure out which surgeon I am best suited to. We each have unique requirements and criteria, so please don’t go on my word. At the same time, there are plenty of questions that surgeons have to answer over and over, so hopefully this series will cut down on some of that repetition.

Metoidioplasty Surgeons

• Part 1: Surgeons I am not considering
• Part 2: Dr. Marci Bowers
• Part 3: Dr. Christine McGinn
• Part 4: Dr. Miroslav Djordjevic
• Part 5: Dr. Toby Meltzer

Also see: Metoidioplasty Surgery Guide