However, the last 100 pages or so were riveting and exciting. Yet, it took a lot to power through some of the more boring parts of the book in order to get to the exciting conclusion. This is not one of my favorite books of the series, for sure. However, I’ll be reading the final book, simply because I HAVE to know how it all ends.

SALE .99!

New Release!

In the spirit of giving, I’m offering my titles TEMPTED, EROTIC ART, and THE CRYSTAL ALTAR on Amazon Kindle and B&N Nook  for only .99 until January 2!

Here are the links:

Adele’s Books on Amazon Kindle

 Adele’s Books on B&N Nook  (EROTIC ART not available on Nook)

It has been such an exhausting week.  On top of my usual work on The Council and at the prison I have had more than fifty servants to find a place for.

These servants have nowhere to go since The Hunters took their Mistress and Master so it falls to me, as their Council representative, to find them somewhere to live.

I would have liked to register several of them with Adele’s agency, but these servants are Old Vampires and they have no truck with agencies.

A pity, as I could have paid off some of my Obligation with them.  Instead, I have had to find them new castles to serve in.

In doing this I have struck several bargains with Old Vampires and I managed to cement several allies to me, although in one or two cases it went the other way.

My Obligatees have taken the more junior of the servants, as a junior servant can always be squeezed in somewhere.

Fortunately I found a new Old Vampire who had just gained a castle and was delighted when I said I had some experienced servants, as they are so hard to find these days.

He took a day to interview all the servants and after checking their  references, hired most of them and took them with him immediately.

I have made a strong ally here.  It’s a pity he does not have much Status, but this may increase in the future.

This left me with ten servants, which in my meagre dwelling is much more manageable than more than fifty.

After doing a lot of work, I have managed to place nine out of the ten with various castles in the country.

All in all, this has been a good week’s work.  Some of the servants are not happy, but they don’t have a choice in the matter.  I still have one servant to place, but I should find something for her soon.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

From Goodreads:  In her new novel, perennial bestseller Anne Rice fuses her two uniquely seductive strains of narrative — her Vampire legend and her lore of the Mayfair witches — to give us a world of classic deep-south luxury and ancestral secrets.

Welcome to Blackwood Farm: soaring white columns, spacious drawing rooms, bright, sun-drenched gardens, and a dark strip of the dense Sugar Devil Swamp. This is the world of Quinn Blackwood, a brilliant young man haunted since birth by a mysterious doppelgänger, “Goblin,” a spirit from a dream world that Quinn can’t escape and that prevents him from belonging anywhere. When Quinn is made a Vampire, losing all that is rightfully his and gaining an unwanted immortality, his doppelgänger becomes even more vampiric and terrifying than Quinn himself.

As the novel moves backwards and forwards in time, from Quinn’s boyhood on Blackwood Farm to present day New Orleans, from ancient Athens to 19th-century Naples, Quinn seeks out the legendary Vampire Lestat in the hope of freeing himself from the spectre that draws him inexorably back to Sugar Devil Swamp and the explosive secrets it holds.

A story of youth and promise, of loss and the search for love, of secrets and destiny, Blackwood Farm is Anne Rice at her mesmerizing best.

 Three Down

 Three Old Vampires were taken by The Hunters last night.  This time The Hunters turned up unannounced and unwelcome.

The Old Vampire whose three allies had been taken was due to meet them for drinks and raised the alarm via a phone call when they didn’t turn up.

In the past we would have cursed an Old Vampire for not showing up and notified the Status Keeper.  In this current climate a no-show is cause for concern, but we still notify the Status Keeper.

The ally went to their castle to look for them, saw the devastation inside their castle and alerted me.

He was correct not to take it any further as The Hunters could still have been inside.  My seat on The Council offers me protection : others are not so fortunate.

So I went to the castle.  At my age, which I only ever admit to being 500 years old, all the Vampire Servants know me.

Some of them had fled to a safe distance and came back when they saw me, as they know I am protected.

They were quite correctly loath to set foot in the castle, so I told them to go to my dwelling and gave them directions and keys to it while I investigated.

I found nothing wrong with the castle itself.  I spent most of the night going through rooms and looking for anything that might be useful to The Hunters and/or to me.

Annoyingly, everything was in place.  Not a single document left out that I could have a look at.

It didn’t look like the hidden safes had been tampered with.  I am not a common criminal so I could not gain access to the contents of their safe.

Of course The Hunters could have taken any documents with them as they left.  Even if I wanted a confrontation with The Hunters there is no way to ascertain this.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

“The best reading for teens”. That’s quite a bold claim, but, okay, we’ll go with it.

Ready for the payoff?

Let’s all just contemplate the significance of that for a minute, shall we?

“The best reading for teens is a genre that posits sexual relationships as a physically dangerous transaction between impossibly powerful male predators and passive, helpless female prey. In this genre, sexual fulfilment is entirely within the gift of the male, to be awarded or withheld entirely as he sees fit; and the great physical beauty of the protagonists is the sole, entire basis for any romantic relationship.

As the poster-child for this genre, we will pick the series where a delusional and possibly even mentally-ill heroine is stalked by a moody control-freak who climbs in through her window every night to count her eyelashes while she sleeps. Furthermore, we won’t even pick the good one of the series, where there is at least some narrative drive and a semblance of romantic entanglement. Instead, we’ll pick the one where the heroine gets married at eighteen instead of going to college, the hero gives the heroine a C-section with his teeth and the second male lead falls in love with a pre-verbal toddler.

Definitely the best reading for teens. Yeah.”

Obligatees’ Status of One

 If one of your Obligatees has a Status of 1, no matter how much use she or he has been in the past, it is very likely they will not be of much use for longer.

Most of the time the Obligatee has become near useless to you anyway; you then stand back and watch her or his enemies close in and the entertainment unfold from a safe distance.

Sometimes you need that Obligatee for just a bit longer until you get another Obligatee in her or his place.

Then you play a dangerous game of how much your Status will be affected by using your Obligatee.

If you play the game correctly, the danger will be more than compensated by the Status you gain when your plan comes to fruition.

If you play the game badly, then your Status and allies will be affected for the worse.

Sometimes you do not wish to ally with your Obligatee’s enemies.  In that case, you avoid all contact with the Obligatee unless there is something in it for you.

If you have information to sell and her or his enemies have not approached you, then you make that fact known.

I have found that it is better when you are able to ally with her or his enemies than when you sell them information, but sometimes all you come away with in life is the money.

The monetary gain in my present circumstances is always welcome, but gaining an ally has long-term benefits which can lead to saving money on much-needed information, especially as I no longer have servants to collect it.

If an Old Vampire manages to claw her or himself up from a Status of 1, she or he is both feared and respected by all Old Vampires as very few manage to do this.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

From a journal dated August 13, 2009

It’s the dawn of the 21st century and everything is coming up vampires. Vampires dominate our movie screens. Vampires are the focus of several of our most popular television shows. And if you go to a bookstore (assuming there’s one still open in your neighborhood) you’ll see vampire romance novels proliferating on the shelves. Yet the vampires we see in fiction and film today are not the vampire’s of my mother’s generation. If you’re looking for a vampire like Barnabas Collins, or perhaps the genteel and well-spoken Count Saint Germain, you may be confused by the many new breeds to be encountered — particularly in the Twilight Saga where vampires sparkle rather than combust in the sun.

In a sweeping wave of variation upon a theme, the iconic Dracula has been joined by a vast array of colorful new characters. And if the immortal Count ever encountered one of these new youngbloods on the streets, there’s a chance that he wouldn’t even recognize them as kin. The courtly Bill Compton from HBO’s hit True Blood (inspired by Charlaine Harris’s work, which I invite you to peruse) is repelled not with garlic but by silver, and rather than holing up in his coffin with a pile of native soil, he’s busy ‘mainstreaming’ and avoiding over-eager ‘fangbangers’ out for thrills and some kinky vampire sex. The sultry Jean-Claude of Laurell K. Hamilton’s yarns is more properly an incubus despite his blood-thirsty, undead state. Jim Butcher, adapting to the changing face of the vampire today, gives us three different ‘courts’ of vampires in his Dresden Files, tailoring the Red, White, and Black courts each to a different variation on the vampire’s theme. It used to be that to parody a vampire, all one needed to do was add fangs to anything — from adorable muppets to Halloween-themed smiley faces. Yet the mopey Cullen kid not only has a peculiar and dazzling diamond-like epidermis, he doesn’t even have fangs. It’s enough to make Bela Lugosi roll over in his grave.

Gone are the capes and elegant walking sticks. Gone, too (at least in most cases), are cliches like crosses and holy water keeping vampires at bay. Nearly all the new-wave vampires retain their prerequisite diet of fresh human blood, but very few need to kill for their food. Needless to say, this changes their relationship with living humans significantly, transforming creatures that used to be a staple of the horror genre to tortured, hunky heart-throbs more at home in a bodice-ripping Romance novel. (If only Nick of Forever Knight had held out a few more years!)

With all of these changes, what — if anything — remains of the vampires we once knew?

Perhaps, a better question is this: how much of the vampires of Stoker and his inheritors actually resembled their own blood-sucking antecedents, the vampires of folklore? As we dig deeper into the matter of vampires (pun so obviously intended), we quickly discover that the most constant characteristic of these blood-sucking creatures of the night is their very mutability. Before Stoker had his Transylvanian Count stalking the gaslit streets of London, John William Polidori wove a tale of another blood-thirsty aristocrat, Lord Ruthven. And Ruthven had an entirely different set of strengths and weaknesses, including a curious connection to the light of the moon. Varney the Vampire was done in, not with a wooden stake through his heart, but by a volcano. Christabel, The Giaour, Goethe’s The Bride of Corinth, — all of them weave their own tapestry of traits, inspired by creatures stranger still.

The nascence of the vampire tale begins, not in fiction, but in supposed fact. In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries — hot on the heels of the Witchcraft Hysteria — Eastern Europe saw a number of vampire epidemics. What might have really been behind these outbreaks remains a matter of conjecture. Scholar Paul Barber makes an excellent case that traditional beliefs in vampires arose from a fundamental misunderstanding of both contagion and the corruption of the dead. Claude LeCouteux more recently suggests vampire beliefs were lingering remnants of beliefs related to ancestor cults. Whatever the case, the peasantry of sub-Carpathian countries like Silesia, Moldavia, and Transylvania (to name but a few) were busily engaged in the grim business of digging up their relatives and mutilating their corpses in a vain attempt to prevent further deaths in their towns.

The most famously reported cases of vampire attacks were compiled by Dom Augustin Calmet in a book translated from Calmet’s original and presented to the English-speaking audience under the title The Phantom World. A vampire scare on the Greek island of Mykonos and reported by French botanist de Tournefort (who was skeptical and rather acerbic about the whole affair) added to the titillating literature on the subject read amongst the gentry of Western Europe who had developed quite an appetite for the supernatural and the macabre. Real-life vampire scares were far more intriguing than the stuff of Penny Dreadfuls and Gothic romances — which meant it didn’t take long for the vampires of folklore to make a rapid transition from the stuff of legend to the stuff of literature.

Of course, the vampires unearthed by the Eastern European peasantry were not very seemly creatures. Often possessing swollen forms and ruddy faces (the Greek vrykolakas reportedly means ‘drum-like’ and reflects the way the corpse swelled till its skin was tight as a drum), these are not the suave seducers one might wish to discover on one’s balcony past midnight. The products of suicides, brutal murders, heresy, and the like, most folkloric blood-suckers were hardly sympathetic characters. As de Tournefort notes, they were most often outsiders, individuals who spurned society or whom society itself had spurned. It was not uncommon for folkloric vampires to have been suspected of being witches during life, or shapeshifters. Another traditional vampire word, vyrdolak, reportedly means wolf-haired, suggesting that it originally designated a werewolf rather than a vampire. In fact, the further one digs into the origins of this elusive night-stalker, the more the lines between vampire and werewolf, witch and demon (and even fey) begin to grow hazy and blur. All of which, while interesting, doesn’t necessarily make a good story for those out to spin thrilling vampire yarns.

And hence, as the vampire was recreated in poetry and literature (plays & opera, as well), making the transition from rural and wild Eastern Europe to the more self-consciously civilized drawing-rooms of Western Europe, the immortal blood-sucker evolved. Gone was the ruddy face of the peasant, replaced by the genteel facade of the noble. The vampires’ eternal bloodlust — originally a simple twist on the age-old notion of the hungry dead — became a fitting metaphor for carnal hungers (not to mention the predatory decadence oft attributed to the nobility in the latter half of the 18th century. Perhaps fittingly, both vampires and dissolute French nobles were often dispatched by lopping off their heads).

From Goethe to Coleridge, Byron, Polidori, Rhymer, LeFanu, Stoker, and all the rest, vampires changed by bits and by pieces, eventually evolving into the creatures we know today.

So, as much as I’d like to rail against Stephenie Meyer for essentially castrating my favorite archetype, even I have to admit that she’s working within a time-honored tradition of revisioning vampires to tell very human tales.

Second book in the Sabrina Strong series is out in eBook, available on Smashwords and Amazon. Soon to be in paperback.

The second book in Sabrina Strong Series is out now in eBook ready for all electronic reading devices.

And so..as I sit in the office this morning drinking tea and waiting for various servers to crawl to life, I have a plan forming…

I have a gradually increasing stack of fantasy writing ideas in my head, and have had for years. I rarely get past the percolating ideas stage, what with work and family and life in general. BUT..in this case…the ideas are boling faster than usual and I’m wondering if this could be something to really get my teeth (ha!) into.

Is there anyone else out there who’d like to see some proper vamps back on the scene? ones who’d make mincemeat outta school girls rather than read poetry to them?

It is very rare that an Old Vampire drops to a Status of 1, but I have known it to happen.

If this was to happen to an Old Vampire then they would only nominally be an Old Vampire.  Other Old Vampires who are associated with them may lose Status if that Old Vampire’s Status reduces and is no longer an Old Vampire.

Maybe all concerned will just wait and see if the Old Vampire concerned drops that last point of Status.

There are myriad minor ways in which Status can be lost : we all know the major ways, but the minor ways in which we can gain and lose Status are obscured to us.

It is possible that Old Vampires who have a Status of 1 can claw their way back up the ranks.

This is difficult because that Old Vampire has slipped so far down the rankings that any allies are standing as far back from them as they can and any enemies are closing in for the kill.

The simplest way for her or his enemies to reduce Status is to manoeuvre that Old Vampire into giving offence.

However, if that Old Vampire is a better swordswoman or swordsman this will backfire and the enemy will lose Status.  This often happens to young Old Vampires.

The more difficult option is to manoeuvre the Old Vampire into being an Obligatee.

This is one of the ways in which information you hold on allies and enemies can come in useful.  If you have information you can broker a deal to sell the information to one of the Old Vampire’s enemies, hopefully to a great advantage to yourself.

I am unlikely to get my castle back or clear my Obligation with Adele by doing this, as both of these would take too much money, but if I did broker a deal it would go some way towards mitigating my circumstances.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

A tale for all women and men over age 18. One doesn’t have to be gay to read cool stories from the GIRLS WHO BITE Anthology. Rave reviews from review sites and readers! 

“Literary erotica.” ~Amos Lassen

“Five stars!” ~Love Romance Passion

THE CRYSTAL ALTAR is an original 4,500 word steamy short story, first published in the GIRLS WHO BITE lesbian vampire erotica anthology from Cleis Press, September 2011. Buy for only .99!

©Adele Dubois 2011

The ancient crystalline cavern that shelters Altar Rock becomes the setting for a most unusual birthday party…

Snippet:

Morgan wrapped her arms around Rosa’s waist and deepened the kiss. She touched her tongue to Rosa’s, and then slid hers inside her lover’s mouth.

Rosa sucked it in greedy little pulls. Then she licked and nipped Morgan’s bottom lip before pressing her mouth again to hers.

It was the ultimate turn-on to be wanted.

She lowered her mouth to the pulse beating against Rosa’s neck and sucked the spot with deep, hard tugs. Her teeth grazed the delicate skin and nipped until bruises formed. She swirled her tongue over the dappled plum marks and savored the taste of Rosa’s sweet flesh as blood pooled just below the surface.

Rosa leaned away and touched her neck. Tiny lines formed between her eyebrows as her eyes flashed with uncertainty. “Why did you do that?”

Morgan cradled Rosa’s breasts and lifted them higher, watching her hands squeeze and release. “I was marking you. I want to make sure the freaks at the party know you’re taken.”

Rosa laughed. “You’re jealous? I worried you’d gone Goth on me, like your whacko cousin. She probably drinks blood for sport.”

Morgan rolled her eyes. “Wouldn’t surprise me. She likes to pretend she’s a vampire. She and her entourage go to dungeon clubs in the city.” Morgan inspected the love bite on Rosa’s neck. “That looks kind of cool, though. I like it.”

*****

Buy “The Crystal Altar” on Kindle for .99!

Buy “The Crystal Altar” on Nook for .99!

That’s the sort of book that it is. There is something about it that really gets under the skin, a haunting presence throughout that constantly hints that something is about to go horribly wrong. It is long (over 900 pages) and generally quite slow paced so the sense of foreboding is integrated into the style. When something does happen it becomes a real page-turner.

Comparisons with King’s The Stand and McCarthy’s The Road were inevitable. But it is more character driven than The Stand and more eventful than The Road and not as bleak. Fans of either will no doubt like this.

Because it is literary, there is undoubtedly a lot of metaphor and I have found the need to stop at times to ponder what I have just read.

I really expected better. Honestly. I actually enjoyed the first movie, all that sparkly-twinkly BS aside, and as a romance it was rather entertaining. The second one was not as good, but that is pretty much expected in the case of sagas and sequels, isn’t it? But it went off rather well. Then the third one came along, which had some hiccups and flaws to my liking that left me feeling somehow dissatisfied with the whole thing. This latest offering was the worst yet.

I suffered through the first half-hour of wedding preparations, make-up, dressing, pre-wedding jitters, blood-soaked fantasies of dead relatives (just about the only interesting part of the whole episode) and Bella Swan walking down the aisle… *gag*.

And every time Edward or Jacob made a now predictable appearance while shirtless, the “Twi-hards” swooned, coo-ed, shrieked, and annoyed the living shit outta me. I have to mention that they were not all teens – which is probably more disturbing than when I noticed that though the theater was almost full-up, there was only one guy, who had presumably been dragged along by his girlfriend.

The theater manager did something unexpected – something no manager has done in the last 30-odd years of my movie-watching career – he delivered a serious speech to the audience about the use of mobile phones, cameras, Twitter and Facebook and threatened to confiscate any in plain sight during the movie. Then, as the audience laughed him off, he wandered round, confiscating snacks and drinks not purchased at the expensive snack bar on the premises. Dildo.

Then there was the *gag* honeymoon and all the brooding puritanical emo vampire BS I have come to expect from Twilight. Everything is a subtle message, at least according to the religious fundamentalists who frown on their kids reading material. To them there is nothing but evil and negativity in the “message” of Twilight. To me, if there is a message, it’s totally lost. This is way, way too boring to be dangerous to anyone. Rest assured, Taryn Hodgson – Twilight is way too boring to have any hidden messages in it.

If the books are any better than the movies (and they usually are) and people still rave about the Breaking Dawn movie in a month’s time, and were I a parent, I would be deeply worried about the IQ of our young generation. Deeply.

About the only funny bit of the whole movie was the bit where Edward virtually destroys the bedroom in throes of passion, because we know, like – vampires are really strong and stuff, and he has to – um, control himself or he will hurt his fragile human bride. Sure, we’ve all been there, what’s funny about that? LOL.

At the end of the movie, I found myself asking: WWDD… “What Would Damon Do”? No, really – would Damon Salvatore act like that? Or Eric Northman? No, Damon would rush in, have a good time, and sit there afterward, smiling in a hot tub, washing off the evidence. Eric – well, there’s really no telling WHAT Eric would do – but yes, that’s all part of what makes him such an all-round fun guy.

I like my vampires self-centred, arrogant, selfish and a little dangerous. I wouldn’t have them any other way. Even the most (supposedly) threatening moment of the piece (the Volturi receiving notice of the birth of the child) is placed after the end of the movie, in amongst the credits – and even then, it was a yawnable offense. Most of the Twi-hards had already left the cinema by the time it came up anyway.

About three quarters of the movie was about Bella being sucked dry by the vampire baby inside her, watching her slowly waste away, turn gray and skeletal. Not really an improvement. In fact, it was downright depressing – which meant that three quarters of the entire movie was just that – depressing.

At the end of the day, the only really entertaining bit was where she resorted to drinking human blood to sustain her body as her foetus was draining her own. It worked – surprise.

It was amusing to watch this non-vampire in the story – a human – slurping O-negative from a cup through a straw. Yum. And just about as surreal as hearing the Twi-hards gag, gasp and moan as she did it. Yes, girls – welcome to our world. Not all romance and glamor to be a vamp, is it? Reality bites, don’t it?

The script was contrived, the acting was plastic, the characters two dimensional, the pace dull, and the dialog was plain boring. The only good thing in this movie is the visuals, which I have to say were nice to look at and rather nicely done – and the credits. Twilight is also probably the only movie series I know of where the second male lead is actually much better looking than the actual male lead. The fact that the former is a vampire and the latter a werewolf should demonstrate exactly how much this frustrates me. I am a real Vampyre after all, and believe me – the idea that I could find a werewolf more attractive than a vamp is markedly disturbing.

In the past I have heard Twilight being billed as the vampire “equivalent” of Harry Potter. As you all know by now, I am allergic to bullshit – so let me debunk that right away by confirming that this is utterly and completely false. Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt1 has nothing on Harry Potter. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. HP has a story that a) makes sense, even to adults, mundanes and muggles b) has Lord Valdemort, magic, charm and d) style. Beat that.

Pound for pound, this movie was clearly built for teeny-bopper “Twi-hard” fans. There was no action. None. Not even one creature died in the movie. I swear I thought someone was going to make those vamps and wolves kiss and make up or shake – um, paws after that brief little “fight”. Disney would be proud. It was like watching “Sex in the City”. Ok, maybe not even that good.

Ok, maybe I should try to be a bit more forgiving. At least it was better than that other vampire-schlock offering from last year, called “Eternity” – but not by much. All I really have to say about this dreadful movie is that at least it only cost me 29.99 to see it. Next year I will forego the 29.99 in favor of a 10.00 DVD rental. Or maybe not.

As Old Vampires, we keep any scandals or disputes to ourselves.  We settle any problems Old Vampire to Old Vampire.

We have ways to resolve disagreements.  Not a duel, as it would be bad form to kill a fellow Old Vampire, so we fight by fencing till first blood.  Even I, with my poor monetary situation, find money and time to belong to a fencing club.

We call a fight the fence.  When things have escalated this far, one Old Vampire will issue a challenge to another Old Vampire.

The second Old Vampire either accepts the challenge or takes the loss of Status, as to decline is an admission of guilt.

Both Old Vampires have three months to prepare themselves for the fence, mainly practicing their fencing skills and sending out invitations.

Invitations are sent out to spectators by both Old Vampires.  By law anyone can be invited, but in actual fact, only Old Vampires will be there.

There are two official witnesses who oversee a fair fight according to the rules of fencing.

Catering and entertainment will also be organised by the official witnesses, who are given money to spend by the fighters.  This means that the witnesses must be neutral.  If the fighters were to choose witnesses who espoused their cause, they would quarrel and the whole fence would come crashing down.

These affairs are lavish, as only one or two a decade happen.  The result is sent to the Status Keeper.

If the participants do not abide by the outcome of the fight, then our King or Queen will step in.  You are assured of a fair hearing with the King or Queen listening to both sides of the situation.  Her or his decision is irrevocably absolute and final.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Debutante Vampires usually become Old Vampires after a century or so.

It takes about a year to instil in them the various methods of hunting; the who, why, when and what to hunt.

How to pick off the mammal that you want to hunt, to carefully separate them from the massed throng; to wait for time, opportunity and place and most importantly : how to dispose of the body effectively.  These are the basics of hunting as an Old Vampire.

Debutantes need to learn how to behave in Old Vampire society, including how to address their sire, their parent and the rest of Old Vampire society.

It takes a lot of time to absorb behavioural nuances.  Only then we get into the complications of enemies and allies, Obligations and Obligatees.

Fortunately the Debutante Vampire will not reveal anything the Parent has told them, so the Parent is free to tell them as much about her or his Obligatees as she or he wants.

The last thing Debutante Vampires are taught about is Status.  As I’ve said before, all Debutante Vampires have a Status of 1.  This means they are recognised as an Old Vampire by everyone, but any slip-ups are dealt with gently, as a Debutante Vampire is still learning.

While an Old Vampire is still a Debutante she or he is always chaperoned by the Parent.  The Parent is responsible for anything the Debutante Vampire says or does, so will keep a close watch on her or him, but unfortunately slip-ups can happen.

The Parent is also careful as to whom the Debutante Vampire speaks to as she or he can unwittingly be caught up in Old Vampire politics, which she or he will be educated in.

Not only that, misinformation from enemies can be passed to your Debutante, which can take years of unravelling.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

A good survival trait for Old Vampires is hiding.  We call it such, but it really is escaping attention and fitting in.

We would attract even more attention if we remained unmarried for many years and/or are still young and beautiful.  Fortunately there has always been make-up and wigs to cover our age or people would talk and we would have to move castle every few decades or so.

We maintain the outward semblance of a normal human life, while our predatory and vampiric instincts are allowed to flourish as much as possible when and where most humans will never know.

The mask we all wear is to be normal human beings.  We are careful to maintain that fiction, which is why we have always married, because an unmarried Old Vampire attracts attention.

At first it shocked me that some of my human colleagues set up home and had children without marrying.

Now I’m used to it.  These humans may change as they please, we Old Vampires have our rules to adhere to.

That includes make-up at all times.  It’s essential to preserve the flesh-like tint on your face that is the preserve of live humans.

Our own make-up company for Old Vampires was started by Michael Houghton in the eighteenth century.

He used to be a Vampire Servant who specialised in applying his masters’ make-up, but spent so much time manufacturing make-up that with the blessing of his master he started his own company.

He spent a lot of money developing sun block, which blocks out the rays of the sun so we are not affected at all.

If humans could drag vampires out into the sun where they burnt to a tiny pile of ash, then they would believe in vampires and it would be a far worse world for us.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Old Vampires like to employ Vampire Butlers with more Status than them.  There are many advantages to this.

Firstly, and most importantly, is that the more Status your Vampire Butler has the better your establishment is and the more people will want to come and see you.

If your Vampire Butler is five hundred years old or more, they will know everything about everyone in your current country and have many contacts abroad.

It is not unusual for other people’s servants to visit a Vampire Butler they have served under for advice in what can literally be a sticky situation.

If I went to see my butler and he was advising a servant I would pretend I was going elsewhere.

As an employer, I am expected not to know what the servants do unless they are serving us.  Some things do leak out, but I erase them from my memory.

A good Vampire Butler is worth double his weight in gold and many peccadilloes are overlooked.

Secondly, a Vampire Butler with more Status than her or his employers can advise them on subterfuges and strategies for dealing with other Old Vampires.

They will sometimes spot a flaw, sometimes say their former employer tried that and it didn’t work and sometimes say that the plan is perfectly sound.

Once a Vampire Butler has moved establishments, we do not ask him about anything that went on at his former establishment.  Discretion is absolutely necessary for a Vampire Servant.

Vampire Butlers generally prefer to stay in an establishment for a couple of centuries.  Some have been known to stay in the same establishment for five to ten centuries.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Girls Who Bite started it all…

Read More and Buy on Amazon in Print or Kindle!

***

“The Crystal Altar” from the Girls Who Bite anthology can be purchased separately on Amazon and B&N for .99!

The Crystal Altar by Adele Dubois

An ancient crystalline cavern becomes the setting for a most unusual birthday party…

Praise from reviewers:

“Five stars!” ~Love Romance Passion
“Literary erotica.” ~Amos Lassen

 Read an Excerpt and Buy separately on Amazon and B&N for only .99! 

***

  “Dark Angel” from the Girls Who Bite anthology can be purchased separately on Amazon.

Dark Angel by Paisley Smith

Shot and left for dead by her narcissistic husband, Evangelina Vogel awakens to find herself in the arms of a seductive vampire who calls herself Lenore–and who promises Evangelina eternal life.
Lenore is irresistible with her hypnotic eyes and lips that part to kiss or to kill. Evangelina is consumed by a craving for the alluring vampire’s body–and after one night in Lenore’s arms, an obsession to find her killer and bring him to justice.

Buy Digital Book on Amazon for Only 1.39!

***

Coming Fall, 2012! She-Shifters anthology, edited by Delilah Devlin. Cleis Press.

Included in She-Shifters: “She’s Furry Yiffy” by Adele Dubois

***

Included in She-Shifters: “Night Crow” by Paisley Smith

Accompanying the article will be a one-minute soundbite from UVA Today’s interview with me on WTJU, the University’s radio station, on Wednesday at 11:55 a.m. (EDT) and again on Friday at 3:55 p.m. (EDT). You can access the station’s broadcast through your computer. Quite apart from my mini-blurb, WTJU is very much worth a listen. They play a lot of great music and have interesting discussion programs.

UPDATE: Okay, the article has been published. You can find it here.

To this day, I cannot form gay male characters in my head without conjuring real images of old friends and acquaintances. Creating male/male erotic stories would be like trying to imagine my brothers naked. No can do.

When I accepted the challenge to write lesbian vampire erotic fiction for the groundbreaking anthology GIRLS WHO BITE, a different set of issues emerged. What did I know about  the lesbian lifestyle? Only what I’d read or imagined. While I’ve had a great deal of contact with gay men, I’ve had little contact with gay women. What qualified me to write a lesbian tale? Could I create a convincing story? Should straights write gay?

 As I plotted “The Crystal Altar” I discovered the answers. Apart from the sex scene choreography, story construction remained the same. In fiction, richly detailed characters convey the emotions shared by all people. Everyone on earth has the need for connection. It’s the universal experience that binds us.

Once I was no longer intimidated by the same-sex challenge, the writing flowed. “The Crystal Altar” short story, and my protagonists Morgan and Rosa, sprang to life. Their labels fell away. My heroines became two people with the same problems everyone in love faces. They also just happen to encounter vampires while resolving their relationship issues. Their fight for survival ultimately delivers their Happily Ever After.

Writing “The Crystal Altar” was, by far, the most fun I’ve had writing erotic romance. Who knew?  Next challenge, lesbian shape-shifters!

Buy “The Crystal Altar” on Kindle for only .99!

Buy “The Crystal Altar” on Nook for only .99!

Buy GIRLS WHO BITE on Kindle!

The only problem with having a holiday is that you have to go back to work.  I’ve been back for two weeks and it feels like I didn’t have a holiday at all.

It all seems a distant memory, although at the moment Adele will not let me forget that I used her name to gain admission to the caves.  She will just have to get used to it.

I already want to kill my bosses as I have a lot of work to do and they are just adding to it, asking me to do things by yesterday and then asking me why I’m not on top of my work.

Idiots.  Cretins.  Moronic fools.  I want another job!  Or, more accurately, I want to lie back in my castle and enjoy life, not doing drudge work in a prison.

I have lost my castle and have to work, but no-one said it had to be drudgery.  There are actually people who enjoy their work out there and I should be one of them.  I want to wake up and look forward to life.

Instead of which I wake up, look at the alarm clock and switch it off.  I then fall asleep again and have to rush to be at work on time.

I work with one colleague and two managers.  My colleague is a co-ordinator (whatever that is) and a worse bitch than the Werewolf Liaison on The Council.

There are too many chiefs here and not enough Indians.  On the other hand, I’m managing to get my own way some of the time by getting one manager to confirm it’s okay to do something.  The other two won’t contradict her, so what I want stands.

We Old Vampires are mistresses and masters of manipulation.  I feel that I am letting the side down by not having my managers under my thumb.

The problem is that I’m not used to the working environment.  I know Old Vampire politics better than the back of my own hand, but I don’t know human politics at all.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve