So i was looking through the books here at Fully Booked,Powerplant. I was shuffling over from the graphic novel section to the young adult section (what?! i’m a young adult.) where i found the most horrendous thing ever.

An entire rack dedicated to vampire books.

And it wasn’t just the Twilight saga. No, it was a whole lot of that plus some rip-offs. All (at least i think all of them. i didn’t bother browse) vampire romance. Is it really a new-generation fetish to be bitten by an undead creature of the night? Though i must say, i wouldn’t say no to some neck-biting  

Look, vampires are cool. Or at least they used to be. Back during the time of AnneRice, Lestat was one kick-ass vampire. Well, kinda. Even Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel seemed too cool. But that was in the 90s. Now, the vampires of the 21st century are just…too…unvampirish. Bram Stoker is probably crying in his grave right now.

I have nothing personal (maybe i do) against the Twilight Saga but this fantardness has got to stop. i’m not saying don’t read the books. Hell, it’s your time and your money. I’m not even saying it’s not worth the read, after all, who am i to judge what you like. I’m just saying, geez. enough with the Edward/Jacob obsession. (I actually read that some girls broke up with their boyfriends because they weren’t like Edward. He’s a fictional character, for crying out loud!)

And as a last shout out, PLEASE PLEASE make a Breaking Dawn movie. Please! Why? Well, ofcourse this is why Breaking Dawn Should Be a Movie.   

It’s a little bit of everything: sex, pedophilia, gore, violence, sadism and masochism, broken ribs. If the link above didn’t make you smile at all, get out of my page.

—

This post is dedicated to my neice, Je, whose link (above) inspired me to write this entire entry.  May you have no glittering abs, Je.

I found out recently that once upon a time, here on the Gold Coast, there used to be a great big swamp from Merrimac to Burleigh (I’m talking 50 years ago here people) and that it was notorious for a mythical inhabitant – the Merrimac Bunyip. Now, I’m a big one for history and I think it’s kind of cool that right where I am sitting, right now, there once stomped (at least the idea of) a bunyip.

But, it’s also kind of sad, because I feel that bunyips don’t have quite the cultural cache of other ‘real’ monsters – Sasquatch and the Yeti, Nessie and the Ogopogo, or El Chupacabra of Puerto Rico – let alone the notoriety of monsters like vampires, werewolves and Cthulhu (and bunching those three together like that makes me realise what an opportunity was lost in the Twilight series by not having Bella’s love triangle adopt non-Euclidean geometrical proportions with the inclusion of one of H.P. Lovecraft’s Elder Gods.)

I know they started out as terrifying, swamp dwelling monsters but I’m afraid I think of bunyips as kind of warty and faintly comical. Is this just another example of Australian cultural cringe, where the monsters of other cultures are automatically seen as better than ours?

Any monster fans out there with a view on this?

I went on the Encounter Retreat last weekend (that’s part of the reason I haven’t written in a while). That meant my wife would be a single parent for a weekend. The trade-off was that I had to take her to see New Moon this weekend. Which of course, I would gladly do since I have so much fun on the retreats. I’ve written about the Twilight saga’s marriage-saving powers extensively on my old blog (http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=1396159&blogId=486381634), so I’ll try not to rehash those ideas. Instead, I’ll focus on a few things that the New Moon film made me think about while I tried to watch it without smirking or scoffing.

*Spoiler Alert*

1. There really is no other experience like watching a movie of this ilk in a theater with boy-crazy teenaged girls. Every time Rob Pattinson or Taylor Lautner took their shirts off, it was a shriek-fest. This is what it must have been like to be at an NSYNC concert in the late 90’s. The closest I’ve come to this was an Incubus concert in LA. When Brandon Boyd took his shirt off, every panty in the house became 50% more hydrated. But the worst thing wasn’t that they would let out these mini-yells when their shirtless hunk of choice would be on-screen, no. The worst part were the sighs and “awwwwws” that would be unleashed from various points in the dark theater whenever either of the male characters uttered something remotely romantic. It didn’t matter how generic (“I promise I’ll never hurt you”) or hyperbolic (“I didn’t want to live in a world that you’re not in”), it got a huge girlie pop. Soooo can’t wait until Madison is a teenager.

2. Finally, a shout out to Romeo and Juliet. I’ve said all along that any story of this type (teenaged forbidden love) is really just Romeo and Juliet. I guess the twist this time is skin that sparkles and fangs. And werewolves. And entire vampire families. New Moon tipped its cap to William Shakespeare in a classroom scene during which Rob Pattinson had to recite iambic pentameter (more on that later). Good looking out.  So through the first two movies, I’ve learned that the Twilight saga is a combination of Romeo and Juliet, Underworld, Innocent Blood, The Addams Family, any Shannon Tweed movie shown on Cinemax after 1 am, the Toadies song “Possum Kingdom,” X-Men, Thriller, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and any Romance Novel near the checkout stand in your local grocery store. And the list is growing.

3. This is the worst love triangle ever. Sorry, New Order, someone has usurped your throne. Even the Brenda/Dylan/Kelly love triangle (the pre-eminent love clusterfuck of the 90’s) has to bow down to this. Just so we’re clear, it’s a human woman and a male vampire and a male werewolf. I know, right? I’ve been on both sides of a love triangle (as the guy and the other guy), so I like to think that I’ve got a little perspective on how these things work. But when you throw in vampire and werewolf DNA, everything goes out the window. On our drive home last night, I was joking with Lynnette (once the focal point in her own love triangle) about how this whole thing sucked for Jacob (Taylor Lautner’s character). He’s in love with a girl who is in love with another guy. Except that the guy can’t be with her, um… because he’s a vampire. Biggest break ever, right? It is, right up until the point where Jacob turns into a werewolf. What are the fucking odds? Even from Bella’s point of view- her first love is a vampire who can’t stand in direct sunlight lest he sparkle, and the next best thing “phases” into a giant wolf when he gets a little too emotional. Once these two assholes inevitably break her heart, doesn’t the rebound guy just have to meet one criteria? 1. Be a human. Done and done, baby.

4. Women Ruin Everything. Was there any drama before Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington? Not that we know of, otherwise it would have been reported on Yahoo! News. Did Edward Cullen want to defy vampire laws and do anything stupid before he met Bella Swan? Nope. Could Jacob Black transform into a werewolf before he went on a date with Bella Swan? No, he could not. Was Rosalee a raving bitch before Bella Swan came into her life? Probably, but since she’s already a woman, it still helps the argument. This series is further proof that women ruin everything. Main physical antagonist? Victoria, a woman. The reason Volturi (more on them later) are so interested in what the Cullens are doing? Bella Swan. Sure, she’s the protagonist. I get that. I know that she had to be, because she’s a teenage girl and that’s the target market, and thus they can relate to her. But it’s pretty obvious that the girl causes drama everywhere she goes. Are there any problems with vampires and werewolves in Jacksonville? Nope- because she left. Women ruin everything. Case closed.

5. It Must Be Unspeakably Boring to Be a Vampire. New Moon introduced a new clique of vampires, the Volturi. Based on the film and everything Lynnette has told me, they’re more or less the ruling body of vampires responsible for enforcing all vampire laws. They’ve been vampires for quite a while, and Peter Facinelli’s character (no, sadly, not Mike Dexter) lived with them for a couple of decades. Anyways, they’re incredibly powerful (it is implied that each possess a special power), and as such, appear to be feared by most vampires. One my favorite scenes in the movie is Dakota Fanning’s first appearance as “Jane.” Up to this point, Edward, Alice and Bella are pretty defiant in the face of Volturi guards, and the minute she shows up, Edward mentions her name and he and Alice become immediately somber, which leads to once of them telling Bella to “just do what she says.” That’s stroke.

Anyway, I wrote earlier about Edward’s recital of Romeo and Juliet and it made me sad. As a vampire, I assume that he’s been around so long (and attended high school so many times) that he hasn’t even had to try and memorize the lines of Romeo and Juliet, he just kind of did. The same way watching Mallrats a billion times allowed me to subconsciously remember every line from that movie once upon a time. He doesn’t eat or sleep. He’s 107 years old. What the hell do you do with all that time when your existence is defined by a conflict between your own limitless abilities, but the many boundaries set upon you by your own kind? That’s what struck me about the Volturi, too. The one guy, Aro, he’s stoked to meet Bella because all of their powers (his included) don’t work on her. He’s not even mad about it. He’s pleased because it’s something that he’s never seen before. In my opinion, his (actor Michael Sheen)  performance is one of the best in film (which I suppose isn’t really saying much, sadly) because he pulls off the initial arrogance and the later delight of discovering something new. He’s like a child at Christmas, only if the child was 800 years old, has received every gift possible, then forgotten how awesome Christmas is, only to be blown away one December some 700 years later. That’s crazy. You make a discovery that proves you aren’t as powerful as you thought and it makes you happy? These guys must be bored out of their mind. Their Victorian era clothing can’t help, either. I wish there was a Volturi member who rocked t-shirts and jeans while all the others sported the frills and all that. Just to shake shit up.

6. My Imagination is a Problem Sometimes. I’ve already planned out in my head two things I’d love to see happen to this Twilight series. 1) Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt make cameos as Lestat and Louis at some point in this movie. It could just be in the background of a really big vampire meeting or something, I’d giggle like one of those teenaged girls I spent a paragraph skewering. 2) The next story arc of books center on Edward’s and Bella’s daughter and her forbidden love with a human boy (or werewolf boy- which would be less believeable, therefore more likely). You know, just to keep the money rolling in.

I spent so long dreading the thought of the Twilight saga. I knew about the books long before it became the main topic of the world. Even back then, I just didn’t like the idea of it, then it burst into this huge deal and I hated it even more. I didn’t understand how something could take over the lives of so many people. It bothered me.

When New Moon came out, my mom wanted me to go see it with her. Not being able to say no to my mom, I agreed, but I knew I had to watch Twilight first, or I would be completely lost. So, we borrowed the movie from my aunt and watched it before heading out to see New Moon. By the end of the movie, I was more excited than her to go see New Moon. I had to admit to myself at that moment that I had crossed over to the dark side, if you will, haha. The next day, I found myself purchasing the entire collection of books. Five days later, I’d finished all of the books. One day later, I find myself extremely depressed thinking about everything that happened in the books.

If you’ve read them, I’m assuming you’ll understand what I mean with these next words. If not, just imagine.

I’ve been in my fair share of relationships and have witnessed even more. After reading these books, I find myself wondering what the point is of every relationship I’ve been in and the relationships I’ve seen, when I’ve read about the relationship that Edward and Bella share. I keep thinking about why someone wouldn’t want that same thing and why they would ever settle for anything less. Such loyalty, such honesty, such trust, passion, desire, sincerity. I’m sure you get the point. No matter how much time they spend together – and that’s quite a lot after Bella becomes immortal, seeing as neither of them sleep after that – they continually feel like its never enough time together. I’ve always been one with these qualities. Giving everything, risking everything in my life for the person I love. I’ve known how it feels to never be satisfied with the time I have with them. I could spend every second with that person and still wish I could spend more time with them. I’ve never gotten this in return. Edward and Bella’s relationship makes me feel highly jealous and also extremely sad. Jealous, because, despite the fact that they are characters in a book, they have the greatest thing anyone could ever have in the world – true love. Sad because after reading about them, I’ll always think about it and never settle for anything less and I foresee this becoming a huge issue in my life, but I won’t be able to let it go. I know myself too well.

I have this image in my head now of exactly what I want. I wouldn’t mind the immortal part, either. If that were possible. Well, my skin is always cold…haha. But really, exactly what they have. They would do absolutely anything for each other, no matter the risk or the outcome and it wouldn’t matter if something happened to either of them along the way, the other would make sure they’d endure the same thing.

Whether a love like this actually exists somewhere out there, or not – and I do believe it does – I’m destined to find it.

|Sunday, November 29, 2009. ||6:28pm|

After I read the first three books, I was so excited to read this one. This is the best summary I could think of.

This book starts as Zoey is outside and hears birds caw and thinks its a crow. She’s brushing Persephone and thinking about her friends snd how their mad at her and that she’s going to have to deal with it sooner or later. She’s going inside for lunch or dinner (I don’t remember which) and one of those annoying birds attack her and bites her. She’s so scared she runs into the building quickley. Then she goes to the dining hall.

When she sits with her so called friends, they’re still mad at her. (some friends they are, getting mad so easily). Aphrodite soon joins them, soon the cats start running into the room and a big dog that Zoey thinks looks like a bear comes in and a kid who’s her owner. two teachers also come, I think it’s dragon and someone else. Pretty soon, Neferet comes in.

I was minding my own beeswax reading a magazine on the subway recently when I noticed all these teenage girls staring at me.  They whispered to each other, giggled and pointed.  Finally, I caught my reflection in a window and figured out the cause of the hullabaloo. 

Robert Pattinson, the vampire dude from Twilight, was on the cover of my Vanity Fair.

What’s the big whoop?  Sure, Pattinson is lovely in a James Dean knockoff way.  But because of him, legions of adult women and their daughters are fantasizing about waifish boys flying down from the skies to fang them in the craw.  Boggles the mind.

Maybe the vampire thing doesn’t do it for me because I have trouble getting turned on by scenarios that could never happen.  Or maybe because I actually dated a vampire.

Ivan was a darkly handsome Eastern European I met in Spain.  As a doorman at Madrid’s skankiest dive bar, he was first in a long line of dumb romantic choices I made whilst under the Iberian moon.  I had no solid proof Ivan was a vampire, though there were tell-tale signs.  His hometown was right next to Transylvania.  He slept all day in a room with the curtains drawn and only lived his life at night.  He liked meat cooked so rare it could’ve sung show tunes before he ate it.  He pronounced “I want” like “I vant,” as in “I vant to suck your blood.”  Eerie, eh?

But the strongest evidence of Ivan’s vampireness was how possessive he was, how his affections invaded my soul, how determined he became to drain the life out of me and make me his forever.  He needed to see me all the time, needed to pick at every seam of my psyche, needed to share all his demons with me.  Ivan was an energy sucker, a soul sucker.  A blood sucker.

Ivan also had a secret life which, like the dweeb in Twilight, he knew would put me in danger should it be revealed.  And so, our love could never truly be. 

I assume the whole forbidden love malarkey is what gets chicks all giddy about this latest vampire tale.  Screw that.  You know what’s romantic and sexy?  Falling madly in love with someone and having the chance to be with them without constantly battling obstacles.  Like werewolves.    

Or mafias.  This was Ivan’s secret.  He was in the friggin’ mob.  I found out when he got a call in the middle of the night then left to “do a job” that required brass knuckles and a crow bar.  He sort of admitted his mafia ties when other irrefutable evidence presented itself.  And I was the numbskull who stuck around for a while to enjoy the thrill of it all. 

We like to believe there are deeper layers to life, hidden worlds where incredible passion and danger lurks.  If we’re special, the creatures inhabiting those other worlds will let us in, thus leading us to our own dark and sexy places. 

I lingered in Ivan’s world of intense ardor and danger because I wanted to become more alive.  With him, I got a tour of my own depths, saw how fiery my feelings are, how impassioned my soul can get.  Ivan led me to my own dark and sexy places, but they were mine to discover.  And I haven’t left them since. 

I certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone go looking for a mafia boyfriend in order to self-actualize.  But I do pose a dare to all these Twilight fans.  Go a little deeper.  Maybe put down the book and step out of the theater.  Gut-wrenching passion, spine-tingling eroticism and soul-stirring intimacy don’t have to be consigned to fantasy.  You don’t need a vampire to make your blood hot.  You just need a little courage.

Once upon a time, the world burst into flames.

Gumi and Shin bore the brunt of it, and the war reached them first, sharply and suddenly when their food supply suddenly dropped and Shin’s nights out flirting suddenly increased. And then France fell, and Gumi found herself separated from Shin entirely, trying to push aside rising flames as they closed in from her.

The flames reached Icarus and Yume next. Icarus had tried to ignore the songs and news on the radio, telling himself that they were safe–he couldn’t possibly be drafted again. Until he was, and Yume was left behind in a little flat in the heart of London. The heart of London, where the flames came from the sky this time, beating down on the city.

The original fire didn’t reach Hito and Shuichi until later, but their own small fire had already started. There was Shuichi, who had decided to be loyal to his home country, and Hito, who had lived far too long in his. Two pieces of flint strike together and form a spark and start a fire.

Shin connected the fires, running when Gumi told him to, and landing himself amidst a growing one.

The whole world lit, and it would die down–but not until it was consumed.

We love our romance books. And not even a recession can stop us from buying our beloved novels.  As of June 2009, the most recent Association of American Publishers report says book sales are up 1.8 percent for the year. Sales of romance novels were strong in 2008 at $1.37 billion, down slightly from $1.375 billion in 2007, according to industry figures tracked by Romance Writers of America.   Romance fiction also accounted for the largest share of the consumer market at 13.5 percent.

Image from CNN.

Of the romance releases tracked by RWA in 2008:

• Contemporary (series): 25.84 percent
• Contemporary: 18.37 percent
• Historical: 15.91 percent
• Paranormal: 12.65 percent
• Romantic Suspense: 8.4 percent
• Inspirational: 7.82 percent
• Romantic Suspense (series): 4.79 percent
• Other (chick-lit, erotic romance): 3.78 percent
• Young Adult: 2.34 percent

For an interesting read on why this genre (in particular paranormal) is still hot, check out this CNN story HERE.  It quotes several authors, including J.R. Ward, Heather Graham (who also writes under the name Shannon Drake) and Laurell K. Hamilton, who says she was a “little blown away” that women are still looking for a white knight to rescue them:

“One twentysomething woman explained it to me like this,” Hamilton said. “She said ‘Well, I just got out of college and I can’t get a job, none of my friends can get jobs that will let us be able to move away from home, so if we can’t wait for Prince Charming to come rescue us what are we going to do?’ I thought that was interesting.”

Don’t people know that vampires are corpses? In other words, they’re dead!

There is no such thing as animated corpses. Animated corpses are an example of a real oxymoron.

If you believe there are animated corpses, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you. You can pay me all the money you have and owe me the rest. And, you can take the bridge with you.

I don’t follow this blog, but a friend sent me the recent post, Top 20 Unfortunate Lessons Girls Learn From Twilight.

The author starts with this:“From a male point of view, the only redeeming feature of the Twilight books and movies is the ammunition they provide against female claims of innate moral superiority over men.”

Wow, misogyny much?

The author then slams the series and its fans as mindless worshippers of insipid drivel:

“Whenever a woman criticizes a man’s lust, aggression, shallowness or any other lesser angel of his personality, the quick-witted fellow can point to the millions of women addicted to the base, insipid, bad-boy-worshiping, misogynist syrup so many female viewers of all ages knelt to this past weekend…”

I too find some of Twilight’s message lean toward bowing down to patriarchal messages -  but isn’t attacking misogyny vie a misogynistic representation of females as stupid addicts a bit hypercritical?

The post goes on to list 20 “unfortunate lessons girls learn from Twilight” noting, in keeping with the general female-hatery of the post, that “The list operates under the principle that any grownup female who embraces Twilight’s junior-high dreck temporarily sacrifices her “woman card.”

Yeah, because when a woman likes something or when a fandom is largely female, it’s dumb and syrupy.

Parts of the post are humorous, to be sure. And, many of the unfortunate lessons ring true. But, I think the post assumes girls are stupid, Twilight is stupid, and, in general, women are stupid. Perhaps the site, which my friend tells me is a “male tech zone” functions on this assumption. I, in all my femaleness, beg to differ.

Here are my responses to these 20 lessons the series supposedly teaches girls:

1.“If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores you or is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in love with you — and you are the point of his existence.”

Hmmm, could it be that said boy is this way due to codes of masculinity? Gender boxes? Any chance the vamp/werewolf plot can be read as highlighting some of the problems with hyper-masculinity?

2.“Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.”

I would counter the series suggests secrets are sometimes necessary and privacy is important – this seems a lesson that girls, whose bodies and actions are always on display, could use…

3.“It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.”

How about putting that shoe on the other foot? Hasn’t it been ‘ok’ for males to lust after women as long as they look good??? That beauty imperative is pretty constraining when males have to wear it, huh? As I’ve noted elsewhere, I am not calling for equal opportunity objectification. Rather, all people should be able to enjoy the visual/aesthetic pleasures of being human if they so choose. Objectifying some groups (women, people of color) to serve as eye-candy or meat for privileged white males has been the historical norm. Funny how this is never mentioned in all the focus on the abs-n-six packs of Twilight…

4.“If a boy tells you to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the love of your life. You should stay with him since he will keep you safe forever.”

Well, sadly, the truly dangerous boys/men don’t usually announce they are dangerous – rather, they act like your boyfriend, your best buddy, your soul mate right up until they rape you! Most rapes and sexual assault is committed by friends/boyfriends. With friends like these, the danger that Jacob and Edward pose seems a welcome relief! I agree though that the books problematically romanticize violence, as does most mainstream media.

5.“If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling you he will never see you again), it is because he loves you so much he will suffer just to keep you safe.”

No, if a boy leaves you, it might be because his ass-hat friends are making fun of him for being “pussy whipped” or the like. Twilight, to the contrary, shows that boys have feelings too, that they make mistakes, that they are more human(e) than much mainstream images of masculinity would lead us to believe.

6.“When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your friends and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as you keep your grades up.”

I don’t think the series frames these things as acceptable. Rather, it emphasizes that the course of true love doesn’t run smooth, that, in other words, relationships are not EASY. Unlike, say, American Pie and other guy-centered flicks that focus on woman AS pussy…

7.“It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even more romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.”

Gotta admit, this one is really funny. But, again, I don’t think the series frames this as romantic so much so as desperate/crazy/lovesick. Many fans note that Bella needs to ovary the f*** up in this area…

8.“Boys who leave you always come back.”

Cuz one boy comes back that means that all boys well? Wow, talk about logical fallacy…

9.“Because they come back, you should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.”

Hmmm, a guy who forces you to kiss him multiple times and then laughs when you try to resist (Jacob) is the less-abusive alternative? Huh. Also, this “lesson” insinuates that females NEED a male, that being single or onely is unacceptable. Talk about a bad lesson!

10.“Even though you have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, you should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy you something.”

I don’t see Bella as stringing Jacob along. If you’ve read the books (doubtful), you would understand this. I do have a problem that he is framed as hot mechanic and she is the helpless sidekick. But, SHE does the buying – with her college fund (now there’s something you FAIL to criticize! What’s that about?)

11. “You should use said male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical or technical.”

Not Rosalie. She is an ace mechanic.

12.“Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while you run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what you must do.”

Come on, what child has NOT lied to their parents? They may not be running off to battle vultures in Italy, but I’d wager (OMG I just used a Sarah Palin word, ick) that you’d be hard pressed to find a t(w)een that has not stretched the truth to breaking point in order to get to go to a movie, a party, etc.

13.“Car theft in the service of love is acceptable.”

Well, it was a matter of life and un-death!

14.“If the boy you are in love with causes you (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten you end up in the hospital, you should tell the doctors and your family that you “fell down the steps” because you are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.”

I agree that the messages about abusive relationships are very problematic. This is one of my biggest beefs with the series.

15.“Men can be changed for the better if you sacrifice everything you are and devote yourself to their need for change.”

I think the series shows humans, vampires, werewolves as all capable of changing. Plus, it’s no Beauty and the Beast with Bella transforming a beastly Edward into a nice husband. Rather, Bella’s foray into the masculinized world of power allows her to gain power in her own right – sort of a giving into the patriarchy theme that reveals that women, in order to gain power, have to “play like the boys.”

16.“Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills or emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.”

Oh, so social skills are the most important thing for women? Wow, what a novel idea!

17.“Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.”

And boys shouldn’t assume book series that girls like are “insipid” just because girls like them!!!

18. “When writing a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal source material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.”

I agree the series has what seems like too many references to Stoker and other vampire lore for an author who claims she’s never read Dracula or watched vampire movies!

19. “When making or watching a major feature film, you should gleefully embrace the 20 minutes of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.”

But if you like horror porn or the like, it’s just dandy, where non-existent plots give way to glossy images of extreme violence against women.

20. “Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.”

Vampires were never really great villains – they have functioned to explore our fascinations with immortality, otherness, sexuality – they have been used as metaphors for imperialism, capitalism, AIDs, etc. And, yes, they share many a human weakness, perhaps that is why we are so fascinated by them.

I do think readers are given some unfortunate lessons in the saga, especially in relation to sexuality, abstinence, abusive relationships, and marriage/motherhood as THE happy ending for females. However, it gives lots of good lessons as well – it is, for example, far more critical of gender boxes and other societal norms than it is given credit for. It may not be Star Trek, but then again, it was written by a woman – a creature this post frames as foolish, addicted, and dull. Perhaps if those of us interested in the Twilight phenomenon can take one lesson from the above post it is this – never underestimate the power of the patriarchal machine to take anything females like and twist it into something to be used against them.

Just a wondering moment on the fashion trends for vampires… Do they wear mustaches? Are mustaches in style for vampires right now?

One might think that they wouldn’t want to wear mustaches because of the mess of cleaning up the dried blood that would get tangled in their mustache. It would take more than just the quick use of a baby wipe to handle that mess….

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

Logan is back and both Damon and Stefan are after him. They aren’t the only ones, as the new boy in town, Alaric, is also a hunter. Other vampires are coming soon in order to break the vampires that were sealed in by Emily underneath the church. Now that Damon discovered this, he won’t be leaving Mystic Falls anytime soon. Elena gets into a bad accident and she meets one of the new vamps.

The show is getting less ridiculous, but I can’t really handle the romantic bits between Elena and Stefan. It’s still 100% pedophilia, as he’s almost 150 years older than she is.

* * * * *

Logan keeps insisting on getting invited in by Jenna. She closes the door in his face. Logan drains a woman on her nightly run.

Jeremy is engrossed by his family’s stuff. Elena sees him with his sketchpad.

The Sheriff comes to see the Salvatores. There’s been another attack. Someone else has turned up dead and drained of blood. She wants his help. There’s another vampire in town.

Stefan goes to see Elena. He tells her about the other vamp. He says that they are trying to find it. Jenna tells Jeremy that the journal he found is of a Gilbert who wrote fiction. She hands him a book.

Damon uses the vampire tracker and Caroline to find the vamp. Loga shoots Damon with some wooden bullets. Logan doesn’t remember who turned him. Damon says that he had to have vampire blood in his system to be turned. It wasn’t Damon nor Stefan. Some other vamp turned him. He wants to know how Damon walks around in the sun. Damon doesn’t tell so Logan shoots him a few more times and leaves him with a pile of drained bodies.

Logan arrives at the career fair. Stefan knows who the new vampire is. Logan wants to know how to become a daywalker. Stefan just blows him off. Elena asks Jenna about Logan. She finds out that Logan is a vamp. She tells Jenna to never speak to Logan again. Stefan and Damon talk on the phone. He tells her that Logan is here at the school.

Logan picks up Caroline, after having threatened her mom. He knocks her out once she’s in his car. Matt tells Stefan, who goes after her.

Ty and Jeremy get into it at the career fair. The mayor takes Ty and Jeremy outside to fight. Alaric arrives to break things out when the mayor pushes them to fight.

Stefan and Damon work together to get Logan. Stefan takes Caroline away while Damon deals with Logan. Logan says that there is another way to break the spell. There’s another way to get the vamps out. Damon tells Logan to take him out and to make it look good. He does so. The Sheriff arrives just in time.

Elena and Stefan kiss. They spend the night together.

Alaric comes to find Logan. Alaric takes him out easily enough with a stake. He’s a hunter, not a vamp. His face didn’t turn, only Logan’s did.

The Sheriff thanks Damon profusely once again for having taken out Logan. He’s dead. Elena runs away from Stefan after she discovers Katherine’s photo. On the way home, a figure is standing in the middle of the road. She has an accident with her car. The person is run over but gets up and comes to get her. The episode ends with her scream. It’s the vampire who turned Logan. He implied that he was sent by someone.

* * * * *

Relevant Posts

• Dan Bergstein blogs while reading Twilight
• True Blood S02E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E02
• The Vampire Diaries S01E03
• The Vampire Diaries S01E04
• The Vampire Diaries S01E05
• The Vampire Diaries S01E06
• The Vampire Diaries S01E07
• The Vampire Diaries S01E08
• The Vampire Diaries S01E09

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

Damon’s evil plan is finally revealed and foiled by Emily possessing Bonnie. Damon wanted to bring Katherine and the other vampires who perished in the fire back. Emily used a comet to power up her abilities to seal them up magically in a grave under the church.Stefan and Damon want to leave. Jenna gets a surprise at the end of the episode.

This was kind of interesting, even though the plan was foiled.

* * * * *

Bonnie is in class and falls asleep. She leaves the classroom in her dream. It’s her ancestor walking around. She follows her and ends up in the cemetery again. She asks her to help her. It’s a dream within a dream and she wakes up again at the cemetery.

Elena has got a new history teacher. Damon wants to make amends.

The new teacher gives Jeremy a second chance to turn things around. He asks him to write a paper. He’s got a week. Caroline freaks out at Matt for saying “hey” to her twice. Matt says that he’s been telling her “hey” ever since the 1^st grade. Trying to read something into it is a lame girl move.

Stefan tells Elena that he’s no longer coming to school and staying away from her. Damon confronts Bonnie. He wants the necklace back. She complains to Elena. She then decides to throw the necklace away in a field. Elena calls Stefan to complain. He knows about Emily and the necklace. The necklace used to belong to Katherine.

Caroline is over at Elena. She finds the necklace in Bonnie’s bag. It freaks them out. Caroline and Bonnie make up. Caroline wants to do a séance. They invoke Emily and Bonnie gets frightened again and throws down the necklace. It’s gone after they put on the lights. Emily locks Bonnie in a room with the necklace. The girls can hear her screaming. From the reflection and Bonnie’s attitude, it turns out that Emily is possessing Bonnie. Emily says that she won’t let him have it. She’s planning on destroying the crystal.

Jenna and Alaric meet. Jenna tells him about Logan. During class, Jeremy noticed Alaric’s ring, which is quite ostentatious, kind of like Damon and Stefan’s. Damon and Stefan are playing darts. They drink and play football.

Damon says that the necklace was Emily’s, not Katherine. Stefan mentions that their love for Katherine was never real. She compelled him. Damon says that he is planning on bringing Katherine back. He says that Katherine didn’t die. When things were going nutty, Damon asked Emily to save Katherine. She did some kind of a spell and magically sealed Katherine in a grave under the church. She’s been there for 110 years.

In order to get the crystal to work, they need a comet to go by. For this to work, Damon has got to promise to safeguard Emily’s lineage.

Elena calls Stefan in a panic. Damon overhears their conversation. Damon has already left for the church. He tries to get her, but she just throws him against a tree. He’s impaled.

Alaric says goodnight to Jenna. She doesn’t invite him in. He’s obviously also a vamp. He couldn’t come inside.

Emily tells the Salvatores that she won’t let them unleash onto this world. Emily had to save all of the vampires in that burning church. As usual, Damon hasn’t been telling the truth. Emily does some kind of a ritual and destroys the crystal. Damon rushes at her and mauls her. It looks like Emily has left Bonnie. Stefan says that she’s alive, but barely. He has to give her some vampire blood. Her neck heals up. Damon says that he’s leaving Mystic Falls. Stefan is leaving as well. He tells Elena. Elena comes clean to Bonnie.

Matt sneaks into Caroline’s room and tells her that he likes her now. He liked being in bed with her.

Logan turns up at Jenna’s house. He asks her to invite her in. He’s a vamp.

* * * * *

Relevant Posts

• Dan Bergstein blogs while reading Twilight
• True Blood S02E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E02
• The Vampire Diaries S01E03
• The Vampire Diaries S01E04
• The Vampire Diaries S01E05
• The Vampire Diaries S01E06
• The Vampire Diaries S01E07
• The Vampire Diaries S01E08

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

Damon continues with his nefarious plan of worldwide vampiric domination, as well as playing around with some teenagers. He’s made Caroline his ghoul bitch, and she always does what she’s told to do. He’s also got plans for the vampire pedophile’s friend vampire friend Lexi, who’s in town. Damon also insinuates himself easily into the conspiracy. Elena and the Stefan the vampire pedo are talking again, thanks to Lexi, who dies a terrible death to keep the Salvatores cover.

Bonnie is going loony because of the necklace and her witch powers. She doesn’t return Damon’s necklace, which makes Damon very cross at the teenager. Caroline isn’t dead, but gets shit faced.

* * * * *

Lexi comes by for a visit. She’s in town for Stefan’s birthday. He’s 162. The Sheriff is investigating Vicki’s disappearance. All of them are at the Sheriff’s office answering some questions. Elena tells Stefan to stay away from her.

Lexi is older than Damon and Stefan. She warns Damon to stay away from her.

Bonnie is told by her Grandma that she needs to wear the crystal to protect her. Bonnie wanted to give it back to Caroline.

Jenna and Elena think that Jeremy is acting strange. He’s doing his homework.

Damon comes by to the Sheriff’s office to drop something off. It’s some Verbena. She tells him that they suspect that the vamps are walking around during the day. That’s smart of Damon. Spying on the enemy.

Elena doesn’t want to get out of bed. She tells Bonnie that she broke it off with Stefan. Bonnie shows off some telekinetic powers to Elena to make her feel better.

Damon dominates Caroline. He tells her to have a party at the Grill and to get his crystal back from Bonnie. Damon invites Lexi and Stefan to the party. He’s got some plan. Elena drops by and sees Lexi. She leaves. Lexi wants to know why Stefan is going nutty about her.

Stefan goes to see Elena and tells her that Lexi is his 350-year old vampire friend. There is nothing between them. He tells her that he’s going to Caroline’s party. It’s his birthday. She says that she’s staying in.

Caroline tries to get the necklace back, but she gets shocked by it. Bonnie says that she can’t give it back to her. Caroline reports back to Damon. He’s pissed. He goes outside and drains a boy. He implants the girl with some memories of who did this to the boy. My guess is that it’s Lexi. That would put the heat off the Salvatores.

Elena asks Damon what he did to Jeremy. Damon says that he took away his suffering. Elena arrives. Lexi has a talk with her. She says that her true love was also human and he went through the same thing as Elena.

Matt brings a drunk Caroline out and finds her mom there. Matt takes her home. Lexi asks Damon why he is in Mystic Falls. While they are talking, the Sheriff walks in and injects Verbena into Lexi. They take her away. This happened after the girl identified her. When Lexi is outside, she reveals her true self. The Sheriff starts shooting at her but it’s to no avail. Damon arrives and stakes Lexi. The Sheriff thanks him profusely.

Damon decides that he needs to kill Damon. He’ll never change. They fight. Stefan stakes him, but not in the heart.

Bonnie has some dreams given to her by the crystal. She is told by her ancestor Emily that it is coming and wakes up in the cemetery.

* * * * *

Relevant Posts

• Dan Bergstein blogs while reading Twilight
• True Blood S02E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E02
• The Vampire Diaries S01E03
• The Vampire Diaries S01E04
• The Vampire Diaries S01E05
• The Vampire Diaries S01E06
• The Vampire Diaries S01E07

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

Vicki comes to see Ty. She tries to drink his blood, but Stefan and Damon arrive to save him. Damon compels him to forget. The next day, Jeremy is helping in the search for Vicki. Vicki calls Matt. She says that she is fine. She needs time.

She perks up when she is fed animal blood. She wants people blood. Damon and Stefan both have different philosophies about dealing with vampirism. Elena comes by to see Stefan. She wants to know about Vicki.

Bonnie is with her grandma. She says that their family fled Salem in the 17^th century. She’s been talking history for 2 days. Bonnie wants to get to the fun part. Her grandma sends her to school. The conspiracy against the vamps is in peril. Damon is finding them out pretty quickly.

Matt tells Ty that Vicki called. Caroline gives Bonnie her witch’s costume. She gives her the crystal that Damon was after.

Elena is hanging around Vicki and Stefan. Stefan is schooling Vicki in the ways of vampires. Elena warns Vicki off Jeremy. Vicki isn’t impressed. She grabs her throat and does the same. It’s good that someone finally did that to Elena. She needs to come off her high horse. I think she needs to be slapped around a bit by Damon. We all know that the vampire pedo won’t be doing that quickly.

Vicki comes to see Damon, who takes her out. Stefan tries to stop them. Damon wants to show her vampire powers. He shows her his celerity. She uses it to run away. She goes home. She can’t enter the house until someone invites her. Matt does so. That’s a stupid myth. Stefan arrives, but Vicki tells him not to let him in.

Jeremy is still calling Vicki. She texts him back to meet up at the Halloween party at school.

Damon tries to compel Mrs. Buchanan. He sees that she is wearing a bracelet that protects her. Zack promised her to give her some Verbena. She starts talking about the Founder’s Council and vampires.

Elena arrives at the party and learns from Matt that Vicki is dressed up as a vamp. She’s after Jeremy of course. Stefan abducts her into an empty classroom. He says that she’s got the hunger. Since Matt doesn’t know what is happening to Vicki, he lets her get away from Stefan. She finds Jeremy and they leave.

Damon spots his necklace on Bonnie. He tries to take it away but it burns him.

Vicki starts feeding on Jeremy. She pushes Elena away. Stefan arrives, but Vicki is gone. She grabs Jeremy and starts feeding on Elena. Stefan stakes her through the heart.

Bonnie comes to see her gram. She says that the necklace belonged to a powerful witch in her family, her great-great-great-great grandmother Emily Bennett.

Damon arrives after Stefan calls him. Elena is being a bitch as usual. Damon tells her to leave. Her wounds are bleeding. She comes home and finds Jeremy there with Stefan. She wants Stefan to make Jeremy forget what happened. Stefan says that he can’t do it right because of the way that he is. Damon arrives and says that he can do it. Elena wants Jeremy to think that Vicki left town and won’t be coming back.

* * * * *

Relevant Posts

• Dan Bergstein blogs while reading Twilight
• True Blood S02E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E01
• The Vampire Diaries S01E02
• The Vampire Diaries S01E03
• The Vampire Diaries S01E04
• The Vampire Diaries S01E05
• The Vampire Diaries S01E06

Jou, jou, jou! Sugalvojome mes daryti tokias Mikrobangės serijas, kuriuose duosime jums patarimų, arba šiaip filmuosime savo nuobodžią kasdienybę! Ir štai pirmoji serija: Kodėl Edwardas paliko Bellą?!???! Stengsimes tokias serijas daryti kekvieną savaitgalį. Taigi, malonaus žiūrėjimo, ir laukiam jūsų komentarų

New Moon (marketed as The Twilight Saga: New Moon) is a 2009 American romantic fantasy film. It is based on the novel of the same name by Stephenie Meyer and is the sequel to 2008’s Twilight, which is based on Meyer’s previous novel. Summit Entertainment greenlit the sequel in late November 2008, following the early success of Twilight. Directed by Chris Weitz, the film stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner, reprising their roles as Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and Jacob Black, respectively. Melissa Rosenberg, who handed in a draft of the film script during the opening weekend of Twilight, returns as the screenwriter for the second installment as well.

The film was released on November 20, 2009 in most countries, and set domestic box office records as the biggest midnight screening with US$26.3 million. This led to the biggest single day domestic gross with $72.7 million. New Moon also opened with the third biggest domestic opening weekend ($142,839,137).

Directed by Chris Weitz
Produced by Mark Morgan
Wyck Godfrey
Written by Novel:
Stephenie Meyer
Screenplay:
Melissa Rosenberg
Starring Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson
Taylor Lautner
Music by Alexandre Desplat
Cinematography Javier Aguirresarobe
Editing by Peter Lambert
Distributed by Summit Entertainment
Release date(s) November 20, 2009
Running time 130 min.
Country United States
Language English
Budget US$50 million (estimated)
Gross revenue US$338,174,000 (estimated)
Preceded by Twilight (2008)
Followed by Eclipse (2010)

Yesterday we handed out the How To Dazzle Awards for our favorite things in New Moon. So in order to stay honest, today is the day we present you the “Dazzling Raspberry”, our award for things we did not like that much when seeing New Moon for the first time. Because you got to admit there were a few strange details… Doesn’t mean we didn’t like the movie though. We rated it four out of five Heineken bottles, remember? Okay, here we go!

And the award goes to…

1. Worst make-up: Esme. She looked kind of naturally beautiful in Twilight. This time she looked as is a twelve year old had tried to use eyeliner for the first time. Remember when you wanted to have a thin elegant line and it all ended up being too broad and nothing but an awfully thick black blotch? Yep, that’s what Esme’s make-up reminded me of…

2. Most unsexy scene supposed to be sexy: Edward in the red Volturi cloak. I expected it to look mystical, like a wizard’s or one of the elves’, kind of representing power and magic. Instead we got something that looked very much like either a priest’s robe or Liza Minelli’s bathrobe. None of them very sexy to me, sorry!

3. Worst Rosalie bitch moment: “It’s a necklace. Alice picked it out.” Oh, great. Give someone a present, then immediately say you didn’t buy it yourself and are not the least bit interested if she likes it or not. Exactly what Bella needed for her birthday since she hates getting older anyway. Yeah Rosalie, you can even make people feel bad on their birthday, what an awesome gift!

4. Strangest line: Harry Clearwater saying “My Kung Fu is strong”. He knows about the vampires and werewolves and he knows that Bella knows about the vamps but instead of making a subtle hint about that he goes for “My Kung Fu is strong”. Definitely the new spider-monkey!

5. Worst change in comparison to the book: Hardcore romantic Edward being even sappier than in the books. Unbelievable that this was even possible but Melissa Rosenberg made it happen.

6. Worst outfit: Carlisle’s Volturi outfit. Okay, maybe it was once hip to wear velvet, silk and lace as a man but still… I can’t help myself, it somehow looks gay. Sorry Carlisle!

7. Most unnecessary line: Jane saying “pain” before torturing Edward. Did they think the audience would not get what Jane is doing if she didn’t announce it? I mean, they would realize what happens as soon as Edward starts writhing in agony, right?

8. Worst driver: Edward when he’s parking in the school parking lot on Bella’s birthday taking at least three spots with his new charcoal Volvo (Yeah, he even beat Bella hitting her head while trying to ride a motorcycle). Only reason to justify this? Well, it looks like a really cool Volvo TV spot when he get’s out and walks towards Bella. And to be honest, I don’t really mind. Edward could take as many parking spots as he likes as long as he would walk over to me like that… Just saying.

Zelda's favorite sexy poodle wig

9. Worst wig: Actually I voted for Jasper and his new poodle wig here but Zelda is really into his hair, so the jury aka we chose Rosalie instead. Because it looks so damn unnatural and not at all like real hair. And shouldn’t that be the purpose of wigs in movies? To look as if they were the real hair of actors? Not such a huge success here. Fits in nicely with the blond vain bitch cliché though…

10. Worst scene: The kissing scene on Bella’s birthday in front of her truck. Because this is so not sexy. Edward starts groaning and moaning as if in deep pain and looks like he is about to start crying every second. Simply horrible. I felt kind of 2nd-hand-embarrassed for him and I didn’t think that was possible. Honestly, before he would kiss me like that I’d rather not be kissed by Edward at all. Hard to believe, I know. But true nevertheless. In case it ever comes to this Edward, just so that you know, I want a real kiss! You can do better than that! And I can definitely do better than Bella…  Just saying.

Don’t worry Chris, we liked the movie a lot. We just felt as if we had to mention the not so good parts as well so that you believe us we don’t belong to those hardcore fans loving everything twi-related without really thinking about it. In case you feel depressed now (You shouldn’t!) just read what we posted yesterday again! Cause there was some pretty awesome stuff that made us invent the superspecial How To Dazzle Awards just to appreciate your work. Something we didn’t think that necessary for Cathy Hardi butchering directing Twilight…

a

Off to buy a supersexy red cloak for Edward in case he shows up

Saveyoursoul

a

Anything we missed? What do you think deserved the Dazzling Raspberry? Leave us a comment or send an e-mail!

(images: Polyvore and google)

Ever since the X-Files nigh on 20 years ago first popped up nary a season has gone by without at least a few genre shows. They come in waves,a few some years,half a dozen other years. And for the most part they are forgotten after a season,if they make it that far. A few of those shows attain cult status among a small group of geeks,hence the success of the sci-fi channel. Every so often a show gains momentum and runs for several seasons,whether it deserves to or not. This season is no different,so elts rundown the new genre shows,shall we?…the correct answer is,”Yes,Mister Monkey sir,let’s do that,posthaste!”

First up we have,V. The remake/re-imagining of the 80’s mini-series/tv show. The cast is good but the big problem with the show is that there isn’t one orginal thought going on there. It’s stuff you’ve seen over and over in other shows thrown together and dressed up to try and make it seem orginal.You have “benevolent” aliens with a hidden agenda,a alien conspiracy spanning years,government agents trying to uncover the truth,a group of underground resistance fighters,the good alien and the social commentary on current times. Which honestly would have been ok if the show wasn’t so damn slow and tedious. Uninteresting things happening at a snails pace does not make for entertaining tv viewing. Thankfully the show is already failing,so we wont have to deal with this humorless mess for long. Remeber when shows were actually fun to watch? Seriously. It seems like creators think that a show has to be humorless to be considered good drama these days. Look at BSG,love it or hate,it was one of the most humorless shows in the history and SyFy’s new show,Stargate:Universe(which I like,btw) takes it to a whole other level. Even the supposed funny geek character is always depressed and mopey. Hell,even Joss Whedon’s latest entry,Dollhouse was fairly lacking in the fun. Anyway,that’s something for another blog. Moving on.

Up next we have the CW’s latest genre hit,The Vampire Diaries.Yes,yes,I know what everyone is already thinking.You mean the Twilight rip-off show? Technically it just ripped off the look,Meyers actually ripped off the VD books,they came out years before Twilight. Don’t talk about that too loudly though,Twilight fans can be…scary…lol…anyway,I was dubious about this show but I ended up watching the first episode because it was on before my much beloved Supernatural. And to my surprise,it didn’t suck…lol…it wasn’t amazing but it was well written had some clever moments and to compare it to Twilight,the actors were overall better. I later found out that it was written by Kevin Williamson of Dawson’s Creek and Scream fame. It’s not amazing tv but considering that it replaced the utterly unwatchable and horrid Smallville,it’s gold. I think the thing I like the most of about VD is that the vampires don’t sparkle…serioussly,love or hate Twilight,vampires not going out in the sunlight because they sparkle is one of the dumbest ideas in a long history of dumb ideas! Not going to go into the creepy factor of vampires over a century old going to high school and dating teenage girls…that’s a subject,yet again,for another blog…lol

Finally,we have Flash Forward,my favorite of the new shows. It revolves around a mysterious event that causes the entire population of the planet to pass out for a few minutes and flash forward 6 months to their lives then. While the government task force assemebled to investigate the event isn’t that original,plays like a extended episode of Fringe…lol…but the cast combined with an original concept and the way the events in peoples flash forwards effect their lives now makes for compelling viewing. The rating haven’t been great so more than likely it’s going to wrap up in one season which I’m honestly ok with,looking back at shows like Heroes and Lost and how they’ve gone so far off track and become muddled and overly complicated,I don’t mind that this story will only last a year. It has it’s slow moments and it too suffers from a lack of humor at times,overall it’s a great show and it actually delivered one of the most moving and touching episodes of any show in years,in my opinion.

~Monkey

Can someone out there clue me in as to why Twilight is so popular?  Is it connected somehow to the (in my opinion) completely unwarranted popularity of the Buffy T.V. show? (On a side note, I loved the movie version of Buffy!)

I am considering writing an 800- to 1,200-word post discussing the top ten vampire stories that are way better than Twilight.  Really, how can anyone love a franchise to the point where it inspires such creepy merchandise?  (No, Yoda dolls and Vader masks are not creepy…they’re cool!)

I don’t get it.  I probably never will.  One of my friends, though, is a serious Twihard–maybe I’ll ask her…

A friend of mine posted this image from DeviantArt on his Facebook page today:

While I’m as fond of bashing Twilight as the next overly educated, highly caffeinated academic type with writerly pretensions, this image has been stuck in my craw all day, scraping at the inside of my throat.

Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that the sentiment – that men doing the same thing to young girls would be arrested – is an utter dismissal of the fact that adult men actually DO behave that way toward young girls every single day with little to no social stigma. It would be nearly impossible to find a young woman in this country who HASN’T experienced street harassment or some other form of blatant male sexual attention in public spheres that’s just as intimidating, out of control and inappropriate as the sexualizing of young Mr. Pattinson. We live in a world that not only sanctions but encourages the exploitation of young women, and the line  of “legality” exists as an on-going joke about male sexual privilege being stifled by paltry laws (I can’t even think how many jokes I heard about the Olson twins being underage). Women are encouraged the be as “girly” as possible, and little girls are encouraged to prematurely exploit their potential womanhood before they’re even given the opportunity to test the bounds of their bodies and experience how their sexuality works for themselves and not for the pleasure of men.

Yet the first time women are seen sexualizing young men in such an explicit, organized way it becomes a joke, a social phenomenon laden with such stigma it makes “cougars” look reasonable.  And like the “cougars” they so closely resemble, TwiMoms are marked as freakish, as examples of female sexual deviance for the simple reason that they hold an unpleasant mirror up to the reality of our culture. While men sexualizing little girls is rendered normal because male sexual supremacy has ALWAYS had a predatory edge,  women sexualizing young men-playing-teenagers is abnormal because it speaks to the reality that female sexuality is neither as stereotypically tied to vying for “men with status” nor as invisible and controllable as our patriarchal culture would like it to be.

I hate the word “cougar” as well, by the way. This is NOT a cougar:

THIS is a cougar:

It would be nice if people could tell the difference.

I will be the guest for Author’s Tips on the Romance Alley Blog, Sunday Nov. 29th.  My article is called “Using Research in Building a Paranormal Romance World.”  It gives not only practical help but also insight into the making of THE STORMY LOVE LIFE OF LAURA CORDELAIS.  Visit us and comment.  Ask questions.   

http://romancealleysuzannahsafi.blogspot.com/

Also my vampire romance novel THE STORMY LOVE LIFE  OF LAURA CORDELAIS is available at http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-thestormylovelifeoflauracordelais-374695-139.html

For an excerpt: http://nightsofpassion.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/celebrating-the-release-of-the-stormy-love-life-of-laura-cordelais/

And coming out real soon is another novella in the Vampires of Manhattan series, A VAMPIRE FOR CHRISTMAS.  I’ll announce it as soon as the release date is definite.

On Dec. 19th, I’ll be guest blogging on author Sandra Sookoo’s site http://www.sandrasookoo.com  and I’ll also be hosting a holiday party here at Nights of Passion.  I plan on giving away an ebook.  Ah ah ah … I can’t tell you which one yet.  That would be giving away the surprise.

In preparation for the holiday, my husband brought me home a surprise.  Rice Dream has Rice Nog out and it’s delicious. No, they are not paying me to endorse their product. I really tried it for the first time today and loved it.  It fills the hole in my heart left when I could no longer drink egg nog.  I can’t drink milk, you see.  So begins the thoughts of food for the holidays. 

Ta for now.