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Vent

littlebambixo — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 14:45:12 +0000

What makes me sad is looking at you with nothing to say, when before, I wanted you to know every small thing about me. I wasn’t scared to let you into my complex, difficult, little world. I let down emotional barriers that I never let anyone pass, and it was somewhat out of my comfort zone, but I had so much trust invested in you. I can’t really point fingers at anyone here, there’s no one to blame; even though there’s this knot in my throat that pushes down the words I so desperately want to say, I can’t let them escape me, and so I sit here with my emotions bottled up, and everything seems to eat away at me sooner or later and I know I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just need to be free. I’ve already found my happiness, which I unfortunately mistook I found happiness in you. In reality, no one really holds your happiness, because ultimately, they will always let you down someway or another. So now it’s your time. Don’t look for happiness in me because I don’t have anything left to give you.

Crashing Again

Umbra Passio — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 02:43:03 +0000

My heart goes crashing again
I thought I was fine
Thought it didn’t matter
What you decided
If your feelings changed
I steeled myself
I wasn’t so invested
Yet I see a phrase
I see some meaning
My heart goes crashing again
I thought I was fine
Thought it didn’t matter
What you decided
If you were to leave
I was going to be happy
I was sure
Yet the thought of you gone and
My heart goes crashing again
I thought I was fine
Thought it didn’t matter
Who you decided to love
But my heart
In a grave it lays
To dust it withers

Unknown Love?

Umbra Passio — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:45:33 +0000

To love or to hate you now
Do I hold to my feelings
Or abandon to anger
Unconsciously awaiting the appropriate time
To express affection
So age no longer
Creates a barrier
Was I a substitute
That in comparison was naught
But shadow
Imitation
For by far this other is greater
In beauty
In kindness
How can I compare?
As little as I have to offer

Breaking

Umbra Passio — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:56:01 +0000

I don’t want this but I don’t know
What to do
What to say
It’s all a jumbled mess
The fact is we have a problem
Here in the now
It’s trouble
Our issues
Maybe in the future
My love goes with you
My love is yours
Don’t tell me to keep my heart open
Don’t tell me to look
I’m breaking
Shattering
I’m on the rack
Sorrow takes its hold on me
Some call them pearls
Some call them diamonds
I know what they really are
They’re parts of my heart
Escaping pain
Fleeing sorrow
They take with them though
Leaving holes
Leaving shadows
Away goes parts of my heart
Hurting me
Helping me

Livid Inside

Umbra Passio — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 07:19:01 +0000

Like a spring wound without release
It comes undone
I come undone
With all these feelings in my head
I feel pain
I feel anger
Like a spring wound without release
It comes undone
I come undone
It’s pulling up my very core
It stabs me
I am fire
Like a spring wound without release
It comes undone
I come undone

A Familiar Aching in My Heart

Umbra Passio — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 06:04:55 +0000

Why is this aching in my chest of such a familiar type of pain that I had long since hoped to put behind me? Where once was equal has all been lost to the single-mindedness of unconcern? Am I only to be viewed as an object without the right to thought and feeling? Do all I know think not to willingly offer in return as little as they ask?

Or am I of a type of poison which turns those of caring and considerate hearts to self-minded and uncaring users of others?

All I ask is for the same as asked of me, is this so terribly hard? Especially when such requests are well within reason as well as the realm of fulfilling. I do not attempt to be trying or demanding, only to be offered the same courtesy I offer others. Rarely do I ever ask for more in return than what has been asked of me, so why then when I ask merely the same in return am I met with such cruel and harsh words as to shut me down and steal away the very life from me?

How much of this hard treatment can one heart take and from how many sources can it be born before it begins to crush your spirit? The only response I can find is very little if one hopes to avoid the deep pain it causes the heart.

So I ask how long am I to suffer this and force down my very heart of hearts and my desires to avoid ”angering” the one whom claims they love me? Am I to remain for them a tool of sorts or some object to be used and unconsidered?

When once the open willingness to offer at the very least the same as what has been asked and been replaced with an acute single-mindedness how pained the heart becomes.