I am facing down another anniversary this weekend.  It’s been eleven years since Vesna’s passing.  I wanted to write something but I keep avoiding it for fear of either being too flippant or melodramatic.  Now I have very few friends who ever knew here.  My parents live under the shadow of her passing as if it was always that way.  As the weekend edges closer, we are all cranky and sad.  My dad sits by himself and stares at a board book for way too long.  My mom is smoking like an old gypsy (Roma, sorry).  I wonder if we should go to church this weekend but keep backing out because I know I will do nothing but chase Maia around.

I had a friend stop by just yesterday.  We haven’t seen each other for eleven years as well.  I was with her just a month or so before I had to fly back from Australia when I heard the news.  We went on a trip to Ayers Rock by bus.  We camped out, hiked, and swam in water holes.  She reminded me of a story I told about a surgeon with turret’s syndrome.  We both marveled at the passing of time.  She was kind enough to ask me about Vesna when I drove her to her hotel.  I was incredibly grateful despite not making any sense in my response.

I wear my life more easily now after eleven years but the loss is still something that is part of my daily life.  I am happy with a ball-of-sunshine daughter and my busy husband.  I can’t wait to leap into the next adventure.  I feel that pang, though, all the time.  She is the one who should be sharing this with me.  Here are her niece, her brother-in-law, her parents, and me.  She is the one I love so much that the immensity of my love for my daughter was never a surprise.  I had been there before.

Vesna Jovanovic is an artist with scientific grace, Pareidolia, her new exhibit, depicts just that. Here’s her site where more of her work can be found and also posted is an overload of other anatomical creations.

A Student's Dream - from Dissection by John Harley Warner and James M. Edmondson

A Watercolor by Erich Lepier

From Scott Tension's Fragile Anatomy Exhibition

Deterioration by Proxy

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom. – Albert Einstein

Eccomi qua, relegato in casa perchè infetto, sconvolto da antibiotici, aspirine ed aerosol vari in compagnia della mia cicciolina Vesna che non le par vero di potersi fare coccolare per un giorno intero. Notare il viso martoriato dal mio tentativo di sbarbarmi in pieno delirio farmaceutico. Ah, questa foto l’ho scattata con la mia fantastica PSP 3000, l’unica cosa bella che mi ha portato finora questa merda di 2009!

Tonight is the second last Big Brother show ever and I’m pretty shattered. I know it turned to crap and everyone hates it, but for a while there it used to be pretty cool. Maybe I’m just perversely voyeuristic, I suppose thats probably true. My favourite tv shows are few and mostly reality; America’s/Australia’s Next Top Model, The Hills, Australian Superstar, Project Runway, Big Brother and Gilmore Girls.

But I’ve lost faith in reality, more things are scripted than they should be, people’s images are manipulated, editing being very biased. I pretty much hate Australia’s Next Top Model now after Jodhi Meares made sure her favourite beachy Tigerlily superbrat devil spawn Demelza made it through every round and eventually won. I’m that cut about it that I’m debating whether or not to watch it next year, coz whats the point? The nice girls always come last. I can’t stand watching a show that lets the villain win. You can’t reward their shitty behaviour like that, its wrong!

And Big Brother is going to try to do that. Rory is probably going to win. The dickhead who ‘helicoptered’ the nanna, Terri, with the other villain Nobbi, only we’ve all seem to have forgotten there was a partner in this crime. Not only that, but Rory did worse. Anyway, who cares. It was the shittest of shit seasons. All the characters sucked. Dixie was probably the best but they were all annoying stereotypes, not enough intelligent debate. I miss the first few years, and the one with Fryzie & Bree on it, despite how gay they got after with the Friday Night Live hosting. I cried when Ashlee got evicted that year because I felt her pain, she had nothing outside of the house, it had been the love of her life.

Vesna and Dino were by far the best housemates ever. Vesna was hilarious, she was the only one in the house who argued with people the way I wanted them to be argued with. She was funny and cute, she stood up for her beliefs, she had cool hair. And Dino was so smart, not to mention hot. You didn’t get to see all that much of his debates but they were always intelligent and thought provoking. Or maybe I was just blinded by my crush. This post is for them, they made Big Brother worth watching. In every following year I wanted more Dino’s, Vesna’s, Bree’s, Ashlee’s and Fryzies.

But no, Big Brother had to kill it all with silicone and surfies with washboard abs. With Zoo magazine and ’shock guests’ (wtf, a tranny?) and Friday Night Live. Its supposed to be 12 people, locked in a house, no outside contact for 3 long, psychologically challenging months. I loved that shit. Big Brother uplate was the best show in the universe, it was up when I was (all hours of the night) and it was live streaming of the housemates with no editing whatsoever. But no, they had to get a host and fill it with quizzes.

Goddamn, I miss that Big Brother. This new one can go to hell.

Кто-то сказал, что весна это рождение новой жизни. Новая жизнь во мне зародилась. Я рада и не рада. Я зла на весь мир. У меня постоянный стресс, я все время думаю, я думала что будет по другому. Где моя талия?

Найти врачей нереально. Или мне так кажется. Я всего боюсь. И постоянно хочется плакать. А меня вокруг так и наровят раздражить. Своими глупыми вопросами и темами разговоров.

Вот и сейчас опять хочется плакать. рыдать. не ясно над чем. что-то твориться.

Я утешаю себя , смотря на пинетки от burberry  и бодики от blumarine.

Я в шоке и мне грусно, как может быть грусно мне.

Можете считать меня шопоголиком. Можете думать что угодно. Но:
Последнее время мне становиться как то не по себе от того, что я наблюдаю вокруг.
На улице уже во всю плюсовая погода.
Так почему нужно ходить по ЦУМу и вонять в шубе. Именно вонять! Пот и духи — это очень жестко по отношению к окружающим.
Почему нужно в обувном снять свои меховые не мытые сапоги и ползала умерло от амбре?
Почему надо показывать на меня пальцем? Да у меня туфли на шпильке 9.5 см и я легко хожу на них , и мне не нужна сумка баул, у меня в руке элегантный Rubyrose Drive.
Почему надо пачкать своим размалеванным лицом вещи, или наступать на подол шелкового платья грязным ботинком? Что трудно раздеться и накинуть платок ?
Так вот называйте это обострением или злостью как хотите, но меня ужасно бесят все эти прошмандовки в нормальным магазинах.

Это была преамбула.
Теперь амбула.  или жизнь шопоголика.
У меня есть шикарные зеленые балетки Marni. Да -да именно те с перепонкой, которые вы можете увидеть в Elle. Но желтой блузки , которая поразит меня в самое сердце , НЕТ! Это горе для шопоголика.
Я похоже выбрала себе платье. Белое. Да -да! Шелковое! Это счастье!
Туфли на шпильках это вовсе не зло, это добро.
Купила шампунь с экстрактом черный икры, это тоже ого-го как полезно и правильно.
Вообщем весна это прекрасно! Это счастье, любовь и тепло! И запомните туфлей и сумок много не бывает.

Утренний туман похож на наряды Mui Mui , которые в этом сезоне унаследовали стиль деграде у Prada. Необратимая легкость и нежность. Чашка кофе и сигаретный дым.

Als ersten Beitrag habe ich euch bereits etwas interessantes Bereitgestellt. Letzten Donnerstag, als ich von der Schule nach Hause ging, pickte ich mir wie üblich eine HEUTE (das neuste am Abend) aus dem “Heute-Kasten”. Doch dieses Mal schaute ich mir die Titelseite eeetwas länger an als normal, denn wen entdeckte ich da wohl? Richtig, Vesna Stesevic (oder wie me das ou immer schribt, has scho wider vergässe). Die glückliche hat sich doch tatsächlich ein Cavalli-Kleid bei H&M ergattert! Überzeugt euch selbst: