So let’s take this day to look back on our favorite television drama.

The Good

Well, the “Days 2.0″ hype was well received by (most) viewers, including myself! After a terrible couple of years that really peaked earlier this year with awful story lines and poor character development, we saw the return of not only fan favorite characters, but also of well thought out story lines … not to mention Horton Town Square!

Notable good things from this year:

1. Our favorite television drama remains on the air! Thank you to everybody and anybody who is responsible for that. Despite what the media and bloggers and non-viewers say, daytime dramas are NOT dead.
2. John and Marlena return: “Days” without John and Marlena is like fries without ketchup. Sure, you can eat the fries plain, but then they’re just boring. That’s how “Days” had been since January 2009 when the supercouple had exited Salem. Of course, only Drake Hogestyn and Deidre Hall can play those roles. So it’s great to see them back, right where they belong!
3. Since we’re talking about returns … the return of Christmas decorations, traditions and actually incorporating the holiday into the show! In 2010, we saw trees and some wreaths, watched the Horton ornaments go up, but that was about it. But in 2011, Christmas was back — from the decked out Horton Town Square to the special moments watching the Horton ornaments go up! Oh, and the expanded family ornaments at Horton Town Square! The only disappointment was that the annual Christmas story reading happened at the Horton Town Square and not at the hospital. Still, it was nice!
4. Will Horton. He has come along way from being a kid just a few years back. Chandler Massey has put so much into this role, too, especially with this impending epic storyline (STORY SPOILER: Will’s gay, apparently).
5. Sept. 26. Wow, what a day. Not only did we see Horton Town Square unveiled, but it was the “Days 2.0″ refresh. Ahhhh, great storylines. Family traditions. A return to respecting “Days” history.
6. Titan, Countess Wilhelmina, Basic Black. Part of that refresh for “Days” was the return of large corporations that had, for the most part, fallen by the wayside. But they’re back and better than ever … that is, all except for Basic Black. Poor John and the financial situation of that company — hopefully 2012 brings better news, as was alluded to at the end of 2011.
7. Carly Manning and her drugs. Wow, Crystal Chappell handled her absurd storyline very well, even after being fired from the show. So much has happened since Carly left Salem that it almost didn’t feel like this was part of 2011! Apparently, Billie Reed returns this year (boooo!), but I’d prefer a Carly return … let’s hope it doesn’t take 20 years for her to come back to Salem.
8. Maggie Horton. Finally, Maggie got to have her own storylines! Sure, Mickey’s death was huge, but after that, Maggie was relegated to the role of Doug and Julie … smile, hug, listen to another character and move on. But not this year! Maggie gained a son, a grandchild and got married!
9. The end of product placement. Remember 2010 when Sami carted around Nature Valley bars and Chex Mix in her purse? Or when Melanie raved about Cheerios? The outrageous product placements caught the attention of late-night talk show hosts who poked fun of the show’s ridiculous idea. Pretty sure we didn’t see that at all in 2011.
10. The Horton family remains! The family that started it all way back in 1965 almost became extinct this year, Susan Seaforth Hayes told SoapOperaNetwork.com in a November interview. Wait, what? Yes, the powers that were at “Days” had considered ridding the show of the HORTON family. Thankfully, the folks behind that idea — including burning the Horton living room set — were fired. KARMA!
11. Writing. Oh thank you, writing folks! Thank you for bringing back stories and history and characters and common sense. Thank you for excitement, mystery and romance.

The Bad

*sigh* Well, given all of the great things that happened in or around our favorite fictional town, there still was a lot of things we’d sooner forget.

1. No more Erica Kane. Yes, I know Erica Kane lives in Pine Valley. But it’s important to note that the end of “All My Children” (a show I never watched or cared about) is a scary thought for scripted programming viewers. The loss of “All My Children” didn’t have to happen. “One Life to Live” ends this month, and let’s hope it’s the last soap to end (or be announced to end) this year.
2. Prospect Park. This company had given “All My Children” and “One Life to Live” fans a roller coaster ride of emotions in 2011. First, the company had announced plans to continue the soaps, and even was given permission from Disney/ABC to do so! Then, at Thanksgiving, backed out of the plan. Let’s hope some other initiative comes along soon.
3. “Days” from January through August. What! The! Hell!! Does anybody know what the hell we were forced to watch during that time? Awful writing, pathetic storylines and a complete disregard to the history of Salem (hell, they wanted to BURN the Horton’s living room set!).
4. Patrick Muldoon. Snooze. Sure, he might be the original Austin Reed, but he’s not the best. Any time he’s on, my mind immediately thinks of Jeffrey Hunter on “Saved by the Bell.” Remember!?!?
5. Christie Clark. I thought for sure having Christie Clark back would be a fantastic addition. Boy, was I wrong. Maybe it’s the storylines, but Christie Clark’s acting has been anything but stellar since her big return. Let’s hope Carrie’s business with Rafe gives her better stories!
6. The Walker family. Fay died (boo). Taylor was recast (boo) and later left (boo). And Nicole fell back in love with  EJ (snooze/boo).
7. Salem U gang, especially Abigail, Chad, Melanie, Gabby. Make it stop, make it stop! Oy vey! I grew so tired of the Salem U kids. Can we do something with them this year? Melanie was OK because she had some pretty big stories, but everybody else? SNOOZE! I’d prefer to see the return of Belle, Shawn, Philip, Chloe … but I won’t hold my breath.
8. Nadia Bjorlin. Yeah, let’s work on bringing her back. Please? Thank you.
9. Stephanie Johnson, Roman Brady, Nathan Horton, Carly Manning, Kayla Brady, , Justin and Adrienne, Vivian Alamain, Ivan, Dario. See a pattern here? Characters that got screwed in 2011. All screwed by bad writing.
10. The lighting. The lights on the Horton Town Square set actually look fake. I’m not sure if it’s because the town square is technically outside in Salem, but with a roof, or what the deal is … but can’t somebody see that the lights make it look so freaking fake!?
11. NBC’s lack of advertising for the show! More promos, please … in the mornings, daytime and at night!

It was a great second half of the year for Days. Let’s hope that continues for 2012 and beyond!

The salty tear of a manservant betrayed…

The final week before the relaunch and some strings get pulled… but not heartstrings. The tribulations of HecuGus the Hooker Hitter very quickly come to a end, but not before Salem’s Finest distinguish themselves in the usual fashion by arresting Quinn and treating him and Taylor like total dicks until they finally take their heads out of their asses long enough to realize that Quinn looks nothing like Mandy’s composite but THIS CREEPY MANSERVANT WHO’S BEEN HOVERING AROUND THE SCENE OF THE ARREST AND NOW THE FRIGGING POLICE STATION SURE DOES!

Do you want to sniff my farts first or shall I sniff yours?

Actually, they don’t even realize that. They don’t even bother to compare Quinn or anyone else to that crappy composite (they also fail to recognize that Quinn looks EXACTLY like the composite of the man who rescued Carly but whatever). Nope. They wait until Chloe calls them which doesn’t really work either because Gus freaks the freak out first.

Wherein a bunch of cops with guns in the middle of a police station are held at bay by one closet case with serious mama issues and a pigsticker.

Of course, in these type situations it’s inevitable that someone will walk in and present themselves as a hostage. In this case it’s Nicole, who’s decided to come down to the station to either gloat over or commiserate with her recently-arrested sister. For the occasion she’s decided to wear a wacky pink top that somehow evokes both First Lady realness and supermarket cupcakes. No matter, Gus is in no place to be choosy.

"She was sort of a hooker! It still counts!"

Enter EJ. Eh, we think. He makes some interesting facial contortions while hovering behind Viv.

He seems to be doing…something.

Eh… maybe he’s watching a tv nearby and someone’s about to score a goal for Manchester United…

Nah, they snuffed it.

He does, however, manage to run in and grab Nicole once she’s been pin-pricked by the man-prick. Somehow this translates into his saving her life, which neither he nor we get, but at least he gives a shit. The other people present were probably hoping for a two-fer.

First, though, is the touching glass (not cloth, sadly) moment when HecuGus reaches towards his Madam and she does the same.

In some other world it would be almost tender, but it’s tough to be consumed by heroic sadness when you’ve got an ex-porn star tucked under your knife arm. Also, Viv is totally fooling and wants Gus to be distracted so that the cops can swoop him up. Which leads quite naturally to the single, sad tear of a manservant scorned (see above), which most probably tastes of vinegar, old lady undergarments and kittens in a sack. Not that I’m gonna be running underneath Gus with a dixie cup to find out.

No sooner is HecuGus out of sight than our regular, safe little DAYS world picks up where it left off, with lots of people making ready for the party of the century or whatever it’s supposed to be. We only have to hear people have whole conversations about not knowing what juicy secret guests and surprises Bo & Hope have in store about fifty hundred times, sometimes involving the same people having the same conversation they just had the day before. We all know better because we are on the other side of the glass (or at least the internet), but if I resided in Salem my assumption of Bo & Hope’s idea of pulling out all the stops would be them replacing the herbal tea with the caffeinated kind. Still, they were once hairyer and hilarious, as various flashbacks on the tedious Friday “So It’s Come to This” clipshow prove:

"One day we're gonna be so boring, just you wait…"

These same Bo-backs also remind us that Boboon Brady is one of the few humans alive who looks more like an ape when he’s been shaved:

Though lots of people are leaving this week, it’s Vivian Alamain who really gets the best send-off. Ivan appears all deus-ex-manservant to patch things up with a couple of sari-slingin’ hos in tow.

"Sure, I've got tons of one-piece outfits."

We can’t really decide if this whole scene is offensive or not, but it can’t be as offensive as this dude who appears during the Jack-trying-but-not-really-to-call-Jenn scenes:

Why Jewish guys shouldn't wear turbans, part one of a series…

This, though, has got to be offensive to somebody:

"Now slink! And stretch! And clap! That's right, you've got it!"

But we don’t really care because it’s old school Days wackness and it’s hilarious. Oh, did we mention Ivan also has a briefcase fulla money! And one with some jewels! And a promising career as a Bollywood actress! Sure, why not. All for Vivian. We thought she would go out with a bang, but at least she’s going out in style. Although they really ought to can this whole love nonsense. I mean, Ivan and Viv will have a perfect relationship in which they use each other to their own satisfaction. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as both parties understand. Why rope love into it at this late date? Skrilla, on the other hand…

"I asked for non-sequential rupees, dammit!"

Other Shit!

Darrrrrio is leaving, which leads to a series of extremely sad duck noises. (Just teasing Mel, we’re making them too) :

And probably our favorite Rafe buh-face of the past couple weeks :

DERP!

And don’t think for a minute that Lady Derp will be out-derped:

Nicole is leaving! The Kiriakis Manse! And therefore Brady! For EJ (we suspect)! Again!

Mansome orders everybody a giant, sticky, icky, gooey, ooey sundae and then passes The Card to Mel so she can do some recovery shopping. Isn’t he the swellest? Shame about that Jenn…

Stefano passes The King to Elvis, a gesture we hope is more symbolic than actual. Days without the Phoenix is hardly Days at all, and will likely lead to us camping out in front of NBC’s studio with various kinds of riflery. And trust me, no one wants that.

We do, however, want Elvis to own it. And perhaps punch Bo in the face the next time he calls him junior with that smug ape face of his. Go on, Elvis, you know you want to.

"I'm sorry, this is as dubious as my face can go."

Some chicks cry. Bo is there with a hanky. We hate him.

"Usually I just use these when I'm jackin' it, but you ladies seem like you need 'em…"

A Quinn is bejudged! A Quinn has been falsely accused! A Quinn shall be released! Does that mean he gets an apology? Yes. Does that mean he gets run out of town? Also yes. Somehow, he comes back in a few weeks, which we’re good with as we’ve grown accustomed to his face. And… a couple other bits.

People get ready for the party! We’re most interested in what the youths are doing, also what the people who are attending that haven’t been revealed yet will be wearing, doing, etc…

"Man I am so pumped for this old people party BOOYAH!"

And you can almost hear the ta-dahs :

"I feel so totally gay I mean gray right now!"

Lines! of the DAYS!

Monday : Bo to TJ : “What were you, a special whore?” Out of line, but, you know…

Tuesday : Viv calls it like she sees it re : Salem PD : “You people are a bunch of cowboys hiding behind your stinky badges!”

"Whaaat's the deal with manservants? Have you heard about this?"

Wednesday : Viv realizes what we’ve been saying for weeks : “Oh my God, you’re one messed up little manservant.”

Thursday : THREE-WAY TIE :

Dr. Feelbad : “Gosh, I’m so sorry I performed surgery on you while I was high. My bad!”

Brady : “Now, we drink Vodka and have sex.”

Nicole : “Quinn!” (On hearing that Taylor is leaving town with Quinn. It’s the way she says it. Priceless.)

Friday :

Stef : “Woe unto you, Elvis!”

But fear not, “Days” fans, the supercouple returns to Salem soon!

As part of a refresh for the 45-year-old fan favorite show, Hall and Hogestyn are set to reprise their roles as Marlena and John, respectively, on Sept. 26.

Evans has been part of the show for 35 years, as Hogestyn has been on the show for 25 years. Together, they are one of television’s most popular couples.

Their return is one of already in the works for the popular TV show. “Days” executives have, over the last several months, announced many changes and the return of several familiar faces.

“‘Days’ will reset in the fall with a huge event and the arrival of many surprises in Salem,” according to a press release issued about the return of Hall and Hogestyn. “The occasion promises to be a historical one, filled with reunions, surprises, mystery, and tragedy. Incredible… even by daytime drama standards.”

Among the actors set to return are Christie Clark (Carrie) and Patrick Muldoon (Austin). Muldoon hasn’t been seen on “Days” since he originated the role of Austin Reed in the early ’90s. Matthew Ashford (Jack) also was slated to return.

As many familiar faces are set to return, others won’t be around to celebrate in the fanfare of the refreshed show. Louise Sorel, Crystal Chappell and Nadia Bjorlin are among fan favorites who were fired this summer.

Wow!

So, Salem is getting even smaller now.

Previously announced departures include Carly Manning (Crystal Chappell) and Vivian Alamain (Louise Sorel).

The news that Nadia Bjorlin is leaving the show is sad. While I’m no longer a Chloe fan, Bjorlin brings so much life to the role, and Chloe brings a lot of mischief, stupidity and sluttiness to Salem. But with Philip gone, her parents never returning and Brady over her, she seems to be lost.

Without Chloe, there no longer will be any of the “Last Blast” group — Belle, Shawn, Philip, Mimi all have exited Salem previously.

Seems odd that the next generation of “Days” characters all have been wiped off the show. And with Marlena and John returning and Bo and Hope back together, you’d think bringing Shawn and Belle back would a top priority.

Apparently not.

Hearing that Taylor (Tamara Braun) is leaving Salem isn’t as big of a shock as she is rather new. Her last time in town was in 1999-2000 when she was a janitor (remember that!).

She’s had a weak story line — oooo, moves into town, falls in love with the man her sister is marrying. Snooze.

With her leaving, though, Nicole (Arianne Zucker) might be next?

It’s been reported that Chloe and Quinn both will exit town in August. So between now and then we’ll get to figure out if Chloe is going to do porn (snooze!) to get money to win back her baby.

Meanwhile, Quinn and Vivian won’t have much time to mend their relationship. And judging by the few short conversations they’ve had, it sounds like they’re going to need all the time they can get before going to a mommy-son brunch!

I was excited when I heard that Ken Corday was planning to bring back Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn. My excitement didn’t allow me at the time to consider how the show’s management team could do that given the already low budget for the show.

Now, with all of these actors being fired just to bring two back and to focus the story more on the Bradys and Hortons, I’m wondering if that was such a good idea.

I say this now, without knowing who else might be returning.

So who do you wish would return to Salem? Corday has been quoted as saying five or six people are returning. Let’s assume that list does NOT count Marlena, John and Jack. Here’s my list (in order of importance):

1. Belle and Shawn Brady. These two come as one as both are equally important in the lives of their parents. BOTH of Belle’s parents are returning to Salem without any health problems or killer ways. And both of Shawn’s parents have reunited and need the family together again. Has Shawn even seen his baby sister?!?
2. Eric Brady. While I’d prefer Jensen Ackles to reprise the role (we know that won’t happen), I’d still enjoy seeing Eric Brady return to Salem to not only help his twin Sami through her DiMera issues, but to throw a wrench in the story line of Nicole wanting to be part of Sami’s kids’ lives. Think about it: if Eric returns to help Sami, Nicole will fall in love with Eric and just imagine the fireworks that will take place!
3. Mike Horton. His return last summer was unfair. Poor guy got into a wreck and wasn’t able to fully honor his grandmother. This would be a fantastic addition to Salem as Jennifer is going to need family during this weird time in her life … and especially with Jack returning soon. Plus, a Mike-Nicole possible romance would be interesting — a Horton and a Brady after Nicole while she’s still married to a DiMera!
4. Marie Horton. Her return last summer was short. But she’d be a fantastic addition, especially somebody who could sizzle up a story line with Maggie and Victor. I mean, don’t you think Marie should work her way into living in the Kiriakis mansion?

“Days of our Lives” head writer Dena Higley was fired last month, according to a report from soapcentral.com.

Higley has been with “Days” since 1985, according to soapcentral.com. She was named head writer for a few months in 2003 before being demoted. She returned in April 2008.

Since her return, story lines on “Days” have strayed from the Hortons and Bradys to focusing more on newer characters with very little history or background in Salem.

That news came just two weeks before reports surfaced that “Days” supercouple John+Marlena would return as Carly Manning and Vivian Alamain would exit Salem.

I always enjoy when longtime favorites return, as was the case when Carly and Vivian showed up in Salem again.

But, for the most part, each of their story lines failed to impress me much.

The Carly-Bo-Hope story line was predictable. We saw this one before with Carly. And we saw it before with Billie, too.

Carly’s story about her child (Melanie) was good, as was finding out that Daniel was the father. I’m surprised it took Carly 16 years to kill Lawrence, but I guess all good things come to those who wait, eh? The bigger surprise is that she was with Lawrence all this time. By the way, do we know where Nikki is? He came to town in ’99. You’d think he’d want to meet his new sister!

Sadly, the best part of Carly’s stay in Salem has been her drug abuse. The pain she faces knowing that Bo is back with Hope and Daniel doesn’t have feelings for her must be difficult. She’s hiding it well (so far).

Despite the weak story line for Carly, Chappell’s acting has been superb. Throughout the Carly-Bo-Hope debacle, Chappell played the role of homewrecker like a champion. And even now, she’s doing a fantastic job portraying Carly as a depressed drug addict.

It’ll be sad to see Chappell leave “Days.” I won’t miss Carly much. I’d miss her more if the story lines had been better developed (i.e. Lawrence Alamain is alive, Nikki returns, Vivian keeps on Carly). But I do hope Carly finds happiness before she leaves Salem, and, at the very least, gets some help for her drug problem.

As for Vivian… I feel bad for Sorel, who has been forced to play a character who’s very much out of character from what viewers remember. Sure, Vivian is zany and, well, eccentric, but this time around, her story lines have been weak and not really thought out.

Some of the scheming Vivian has done is not true to character for her. Getting Victor to marry her and then stealing Titan was good, but the Vivian I remember would have run Titan to the ground. Instead, Titan was an afterthought (or was it ever even thought of?).

For caring so much about Carly Manning in the early ’90s and then again a few years ago, Vivian quickly stopped planning to off Carly. Why? Imagine how great that story would be — Carly is depressed because she can’t have Bo or Daniel, so she starts overdosing on drugs and Vivian finds out and helps her along.

Through it all, though, Sorel has played Vivian as good as — if not better than — she always has.

And no offense to Gus, but where’s Ivan?!? Vivian and Ivan left Salem in 2000 to travel the world. Vivian returns, but Ivan didn’t?

Source: TV Guide

Posted: Sunday June 5, 2011 @ 1:30 am PST

SAN FRANCISCO -  Actress Louise Sorel is sadden by the fact Daytime Drama “Days Of Our Lives”  Executive has let her go. Sorel plays the villian  Vivian Alamain. Sorel told TV Guide she does not know the reason her character is coming to an end, Sorel was away from “Days” for many years and just returned 2 years ago, her contract ends in September of this year. So far Sorel boss Ken Corday has not spoken to the Actress. When TV Guide ask Sorel about coming back to days this is what she told them, “I would never go back to Days after this, even though Gary said, “You might be back someday.” I just can’t do it. I love the character. I love the people I’m working with. But I can’t deal with it anymore.”

I for one agree with Sorel, this non-sense would have never taken place under Corday’s Parents, he does not know what he’s doing, his parents hard work is being flushed down the toilet. If there’s a petition to save Louise Sorel aka Vivian Alamain, Please share it with other fans. We have to save Sorel’s job and the show.

Thanks for the addiction, Mom.

Like so many soap opera fanatics my age and younger, it began with my mother. As a kid, I watched daytime serials because she did. After a few years (probably sometime around third grade, when I actually missed the first day of school so I could see the Monday resolution of Friday’s All My Children cliffhanger), the characters became like real people for me, a part of my life, family. I more or less lost interest around the time I hit puberty, only to be pulled back in six years ago when I quit Us Weekly and took the summer off from full-time journalism.

I was quickly sucked back into the outrageous world of daytime melodrama, where people regularly come back from the dead, and women can discover they have a grown child, even though they don’t remember giving birth. Though this is the sort of stuff that qualifies soaps as the ultimate guilty pleasure, at its best, soap acting ranks among the best in the business. By the time I left New York City in 2006, I was up to five shows a day — One Life to Live, General Hospital, All My Children, Days of Our Lives and The Young and the Restless. I’ve since pretty much crossed AMC and Y&R off my list, but I still keep up with the other three semi-religiously on YouTube.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I might have to give them up, too. And not just because the recent cancellations of two of the longest-running daytime dramas – Guiding Light, which expired last year, and As the World Turns, due to depart in September – make the extinction of soaps a distinct possibility (if not probability). It’s because of the soaps themselves.

If I were to boycott them, It would be justifiable abandonment. On Days, we’ve got our heroine Hope Brady, who has lost her husband Bo to the recently returned Carly Manning and has begun popping pills in order to get to sleep. So far so good (if a tad undramatic).

But here’s the Days twist. Instead of sleeping soundly for eight hours, Hope is rising in the middle of the night, getting dolled up, hitting the streets of Salem and mugging every guy on the show. Then the morning after, she doesn’t remember a thing. Here’s what I want to know: A) What is the entire population of Salem doing roaming the streets in the middle of the night? B) How is sleepless and still-stunning Hope able to stand up long enough to investigate the case in which she’s the perpetrator with next to no sleep?

It’s not the mugging part that bothers me most — anyone who saw her on Melrose Place in the ’90s, knows that Kristian Alfonso, who plays Hope, makes an excellent baddie — but couldn’t the writers have had someone secretly poisoning her to make her do such out-of-character things? Or maybe Hope simply could have snapped after her marriage fell apart and decided to even the score with all men. Sleeping pills put you to sleep. They don’t cause you to run around town bonking people over the head.

I understand the need to give Alfonso, one of Days‘ top stars, a juicy story. Several years ago, she had one, when her and Bo’s young son, Zack, was killed in a hit and run accident by Chelsea, Bo’s daughter with Billie Reed who died in childbirth but was nonetheless discovered 18 soap years later, alive and well, and living in Salem. Alfonso’s performance during the hospital scene in which she said goodbye to Zack was better than a lot of what I see in prime time, or on the big screen, for that matter. But this current story arc is doing neither the actress nor the show any favors.

Or is it? Despite such unrealistic plot-driven stories, Days is on a roll. When I left the U.S., it was usually near the bottom of the ratings. Now it regularly comes in third, after Y&R and The Bold and the Beautiful, and although it scored fewer 2010 Daytime Emmy nominations (nine) than any other soap, five of those were acting nods, which is five more than a few years ago, when zero acting nominations for Days was a foregone conclusion year after year.

I suspect that one of the reasons for its resurgence has been the show’s recent focus on its history. In the last few years, we’ve seen the return of vintage characters such as Carly, Vivian Alamain, Justin and Adrienne Kiriakis, and Stefano DiMera, played by the actors who made them part of must-see daytime TV. And although those May 7 scenes between Anna DiMera and Calliope Jones, which were supposed to be taking place in a tropical resort, looked like they were set in Erica Kane’s closet, seeing them onscreen at all was a nice nod to the show’s history, and a welcome respite from the new characters and actors who over-populate so many of the other soaps.

It’s a page straight from the success booklet of Y&R, TV No. 1 daytime soap for 22 years running, which will soon welcome back ’70s and early ’80s stars David Hasselhoff and Wing Hauser as, respectively, Snapper and Greg Foster. In a way, watching Days today is like being magically transported back to 1985, or 1995. And in this retro era where all things ’80s and ’90s rule, that’s the perfect way to build interest. But while those sleeping pills seem to be doing everything but putting Hope to sleep, that’s exactly what this Salem mugger storyline is doing to me. Unfortunately, it’s only the latest in a string of unfortunate soap-opera stories and developments in recent years.

Here are my Top 3 offenders:

1. Eric Kane’s undone abortion In 1973, All My Children made history when it featured TV’s first legal abortion. Thirty odd years later, Erica Kane discovered that the baby hadn’t been aborted, after all. A Dr. Greg Madden had taken the fetus, inplanted it into his own wife, and they raised the son as their own. Never mind that such medical techniques didn’t exist in 1973! Not even killing off Josh Madden a few years later could right that egregious wrong. Score one for the anti-abortionists!

2. Dorian Lord’s gay marriage Last year, Dorian was running against her long-time rival Viki Banks for mayor. So what does she do to gain the edge with voters? She pretends to be a lesbian and stages a public mass gay wedding in which she was to marry her “lover.” In Llanview, Pennsylvania! First of all, how did they find so many gay couples willing to publicly get hitched in small town Pennsylvania? And in a country where openly supporting gay marriage can cost a politician an election, how does that boost you in the polls? In the end, Dorian lost by one vote, but ended up getting the job after Viki resigned. While I appreciate OLTL‘s attempt to inject a little gay into the proceedings, why not just give us a good old-fashioned love story featuring two characters who just happen to be guys without cheap, unrealistic gimmicks?

3. General Hospital, featuring Sonny “Soprano” Corinthos Once a show primarily about a a hospital that doubled as a passion pit, GH has been married to the mob for more than a decade now. There’s a reason why I have never watched an entire episode of The Sopranos, despite its acclaim and mulitple Emmys. For me, the purpose of television is entertainment. If I want to see people at risk of bodily harm, I’ll go down to Buenos Aires’s La Boca district — or hang out on the streets of Salem — in the middle of the night. Less guns and violence, more love in the afternoon and diva cat fights, please.

In spite of all this ridiculousness, I continue to watch my soaps. Daytime dramas have been testing the limits of my tolerance for the far fetched from day one. Babies and toddlers disappear upstairs one day and reappear a few years later as teenagers (known as “SORAS,” or Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome). Marlena Evans was possessed by the devil on Days, and OLTL characters have gone back in time more than once.

All that I can take. At least stories about possession and time travel are not intended to push realism. But popping sleeping pills is mundane and everyday — everyone’s at it. If you’re going to have a major character eating them like candy and then spending the night committing crimes, at least have the decency to make her look like hell the next day.

Now I’m officially worked up. Excuse me while I take a Klonopin to calm myself down. But hold on to your valuables, and watch your backs — just in case I end up going on an after-midnight mugging spree.

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General Hospital

Soapgod bless Lulu Spencer.  First she rips  Liz a new one to defend Lucky,  and then rips into Sonny for shooting Dominic/Dante in the same ONE WEEK time frame!  What the hell?  Don’t you people know Christmas is over?  Nevermind.  Keep writing the show like you’ve just seen your first snow of the season.  It’s working for you.

I’m even going to forgive you for being silly enough to think that having women call one another whores takes the sting out of the fact that you’re still writing those lines.  For now.  I get it… it’s not as bad as having the men do it?  Wrong, but we’ll save that for another time.  For the record, I remember Lulu’s flaws.  I remember that she’s made a mess of her own life, and Georgie’s in the past, but what sister – no matter her mistakes, wouldn’t be as angry at Liz and Nikolas as she was?  It’s only too bad that Lulu spared Nikolas as much as she has.

Lulu said pretty much what I wanted her to say to Elizabeth, however.  Saint Elizabeth, the preachy, has betrayed her fiance (the man who has loved her with his whole heart from the time they were teens) and the family they created -with the children he’s loved as his own.  For what?  A man who thinks she’s so dirty that he’ll sleep with her any where, any time, but won’t respect her or his own brother enough to wait for her to walk away freely and cleanly?  S-T-U-P-I-D.  Nikolas treats her like he paid for her (er, and not in that ‘off the corner’ kinda’ way… more in the ‘off the shelf – she’s nothing but a toy’ kinda’ way).

The only sympathy I’ve had for Liz is in hearing Carly try to convince Saint Jaysus that Jake now belongs with him.   Jaysus kills people whose loved ones come gunning for him – or gunning for those he loves.  Liz lies and sleeps around, and destroys the only real family the boys have known.  Yeah, that sucks, but with Liz the kids will stay alive. Are we to believe that Carly TRULY believes that Liz is an unfit mother or does misery just loves company?   The writers should explore whether or not Carly finally realizes that she would feel less guilty if other women were in her shoes, putting their children’s lives at risk by handing them over on a silver platter to the mob boys.  It’s the only thing that makes sense of her dialogue.

BRAVA/O to the writers for giving Kristina  enough intellect for herself and for big brother Michael – she is definitely her mother’s daughter.  The writers are overdoing it on the ‘brain injury’ excuse with the Jr. Suckprano.  Yes, Michael is impulsive and has an explosive anger, but STUPID!?!?  He thinks his father was justified in shooting  a police officer for investigating his illegal behavior?  Only Sonny’s children who’ve spent less time with him have seen the light?  They see their father for the criminal he is?  Why won’t the writers allow the rest of the town to open their eyes – Steven Webber who should have slapped Sonny when he threatened his life if Steven didn’t repair the gaping hole Sonny shot into Dom’s chest, or Olivia and Robin who agreed that it wouldn’t have happened had Olivia told him all along that Dominic was his — you know, because then he wouldn’t have shot Dom at close range and would only have tried to kill someone else’s child, not his own.

How about the sympathy everyone is feeling for Sonny?  If Dominic/Dante wakes up forgiving Sonny and hating his mother, or forgiving Sonny and forgiving his mother – as if she needs it, or forgiving Sonny and wanting his parents together, I’m officially DONE and no amount of SCRUBS love or Mac and Alexis will bring me back, folks.  I’ll become a strictly ‘read and shrug’ GHer.

The Bold and The Beautiful

I’m typically never happy when writers SORAS child characters.  It’s almost always for a pointless storyline that would have been better served with a new, adult, character in a separate role.  I’m still bummed about GL replacing the beloved Rachel Miner with Rebecca Budig’s “Michelle Bauer”.  Michelle was transformed from a sweet and adorable child to a teen who couldn’t wait to lose her virginity.  Michelle’s catchphrase became ‘make love to me <insert the name of the new male lead>”  I can’t say that the same is true for the BnB’s Hope Logan. The transition from child to teen character has been flawless.   The writers are milking this one for what it’s worth and working as many angles on it as they can.

Long term viewers will remember that when taylor returned from the dead… AGAIN… Thomas, Phoebe and Steffy were torn. They loved their stepmother, Brooke, and their younger siblings Hope and RJ.  While all three were saddened at losing their family, Thomas in particular vowed to remain a good big brother.  Ridge, devastated by his choice to give up his family  daydreamed of Hope and RJ calling out for their ‘daddy’ in the home they shared.  Hope, who is Ridge’s daughter by choice and love, though not by blood, has added an interesting dynamic.

Ridge is the only father Hope has ever known. Other than ONCE  (and only ONCE) calling ‘Uncle Nick’ daddy, that name has been almost exclusively reserved for Ridge.  Unfortunately for Hope, she’s also been calling Stephanie ‘Grandma’ since she was a toddler.  Hope has never known her biological father, Deacon Sharpe.   So what does it mean, for Hope, when her daddy is torn between his two daughters?  What does it mean when he doesn’t want to take sides, despite the fact that his daughter Steffy is clearly out of control?

The writers were initially all over the place with this storyline – as if they hadn’t made up their mind about which choices Ridge would make.  While Hope was still calling him ‘daddy’, he’d at one point  referred to her as ‘Brooke’s daughter’ – an awful betrayal of fans who’d watched Ridge embrace Hope as his child and even watched him fight for custody of her when he felt that she was at risk living in Brooke’s home.  We watched Ridge put his mother in her place when she tried to use his children with Brooke to destroy her.  He made sure Brooke could see the children as often as she liked.

Betrayal over (for now, anyway).  All that crap about Hope being Brooke’s daughter is gone.  We see Ridge fight for his girl, work hard to protect her, and remind the world that his family is off limits.  Any attack on them is an attack on him.  The scene of Brooke and Ridge each on cell phones calling all of Hope’s friends while looking for her painted the picture of a mother and father who knows their daughter well, and is close enough with her to know how to track her down if they need her.  I did choke a little when Brooke credited Nick for saving Hope (again).  Doesn’t she remember that Hope nearly died, TWICE thanks to Nick’s neglect?  Don’t worry, writers, we’ll remember for you.  You can’t give a man credit for saving the girl when she nearly drowned because he turned his back on her to fight with another man over Bridget.

Also, bonus points for allowing Steffy to semi- escape the poisoned well her mother created, pitting her at odds with the younger sister she’s always known and loved.  Steffy is  still a loser, having her loserdom encoded in her mitochondrial DNA no less, but she’s learning. I do think it’s odd that the soap fashion press would glom on to Hope’s history and her paternal DNA (despite the fact that it’s been no real secret since she was a child.  Ridge was going to take Deacon’s document signing away his paternity rights to court with him some years ago).

Teen Hope matters that much, but the soap fashion press ignores Steffy dating the man who was her uncle most of her life, after he dated her now  deceased sister and after he bedded her mother who was engaged to him?  Those Hayes women have no luck at all.  Nothing they do, no matter how salacious, gets them any attention.  The story of their lives.  Will steffy and taylor ever have scenes that show them bonding over something other than their obsession with the Logans?????

Days of Our Lives

In no particular order:

EJ sucks for continuing to let little Syd cry in agony, without her mother’s touch.  I can’t believe the writers are dragging this kidnapping (called the ‘Sydnapping’ storyline by fans)  go on for so long.  Each day makes EJ seem move inhuman.

Bo sucks for never being able to move on as a SINGLE man not just a separated man.  What is it about divorce ink that Bo is so deathly afraid of?  Would it really hurt the guy to not have a wife and a girlfriend at the same time?

Lucas always rocks – on screen, off screen, in Salem, far away… it sucks that the writers are taking him from us.

Maggie and Melanie rock and I’m almost saddened by the news that Carly is Mel’s mom.  I’d hate to see the writers push Maggie into the shadows to develop the Mel-Carly relationship.  The only thing I am enjoying about the story, rightnow, is how quickly Viv caught on to the fact that Carly had a secret child and that Viv is such a schemer.    I have to wonder if it’s not Vivian who has something to worry, not Melanie.  I think she may be expecting a kinder-gentler version of Carly in Melanie.  That would be a mistake.  BTW, is it me or is it just a little scary that Viv smiles so gleefully when she remember burying Carly and thinks of it as just reliving  ‘good times’?  Egads.

Daniel and Carly or Daniel and Chloe?   Chloe/Daniel/Carly?  If he ends up with Carly, she’d better watch out, I could see the writers having Daniel repeat the Kate-Chloe fiasco – of sorts and Daniel could end up with Melanie, next.  I can’t imagine which scenario Victor would hate worse.  On second thought?  Bring it on!

One Life to Live

Two words:  JUST WATCH.  There’s not one family angle OLTL doesn’t cover.

Couples in love.  Couples in lust.  Couples in trouble.

Brothers fighting over the same woman.  One of them turning to a woman who is surely bad news – just to ease his pain.

Sisters fighting over the same man. One sister lying about the paternity of her unborn child to hang on to that man.

Sisters united by the father they despise who wants to control them.

A long lost (of sorts) brother and sister united by the unstable, psychologically deranged father who wants to own them.

Husbands and wives separated by addiction.

This show is everything a soap was meant to be in the best soap tradition.  Even when OLTL walks up to the edge and risks going too far, it’s the one soap in daytime that knows how to talk itself back down.

It’s the show with something for everyone.

Ratings for the week November 16-20, 2009
1. Y&R 3.5/12 (-.1/-.2)
2. DAYS 2.3/8 (+.1/+.3) ——–> (Last time in 2nd place: June 7-11, 2004)
2. B&B 2.3/8 (-.1/-.3)
4. GH 2.0/6 (-.1/-.2)
5. AMC 1.9/7 (-.1/-.1)
5. OLTL 1.9/7 (-.1/-.2)
7. ATWT 1.8/6 (same/-.2)

The problem for DAYS is that they’ve never been able to sustain dethroning the BnB for long, and I don’t see it happening this time, either.  The focus on Rafe, Gabby, and LH’s Arianna is a HUGE mistake – but who am I to say it?  Rafe as a solo character is  likable and worth the airtime.  Arianna and Rafe onscreen together brings back awful memories of the PASSIONS’ Lopez-Fitzgerald clan.  Adding Martsolf’s Brady Black only triples my pain (sorry, I was NEVER a Theresa and Ethan fan.  They made my skin crawl.)  By the time you add the snooze producing Gabby (who is awfully reminiscent of Paloma Lopez-Fitzgerald), I find myself bored silly!  I’m not even intrigued by the idea of Theresa/Arianna working with Roman to get rid Salem of its criminal element.  Kill off the Hernadez clan, other than Rafe and bring on a brother for him instead of the family he currently has on screen.

Hey, if  I must continue in committing soap heresy (as I’m sure Terror/Ethan fans will accuse me of), I have to admit that I’m not terribly interested in Vivian Alamain’s return.  L-O-V-I-N-G Louise Sorel, I’m disappointed that the writing for her has made the character of Vivian so quirky and annoying.  This Vivian is a caricature of Vivian 1.0 – who was always clever, conniving, and dangerous.   Vivian 1.0 would be thinking of ways to make a tough business move to establish herself as Salem’s lead power broker, instead of focusing on how to woo a cantankerous and verbally abusive curmudgeon like Victor.   As currently portrayed, I fully expect Disney to write a theme song to be played every time Vivian enters view and to watch small puppies tremor in fear in her presence – hey, those coats won’t make themselves, people!  Vivian 2.0  … 3.0?  4.0? is focused on gaining power by ‘merging’ with Victor Kirakis.  I hardly recognize Viv!

On a positive note, DAYS should be applauded for daring to focus on a quadrangle featuring an over 40 crowd, as well as its 40 something quad featuring Bo/Hope/Justin/Carly.  Kate and Stefano (a match made in hell) tangling with Victor and Vivian (another match made in hell); with Kate displaying  jealousy?  Nice, though a bit odd given Victor’s emotional and verbal abuse of Kate.  He hasn’t been quite as cruel to her as he has been to Nicole and Chloe, but still nasty enough that he’s given her enough reason to want to see him alone and lonely.   All is forgiven? I guess.  Despite their past behaviors and betrayals of one another, what makes this potential quad work is that each of the four characters (and their portrayers) are incredibly strong in their own right and only enhance this storyline.  The idea of Kate and Vivian along with Victor and Stefano locking horns is as good as it gets in daytime.  There will be blood, and the ‘fun’ part is not knowing whose blood will be spilled.  There are all equally capable of ripping the others in half.  I hope that the writers will respect the history of all four characters and leave them strong – most especially Vivian and Kate.  More than anything else, daytime needs strong women and these are two of the strongest, fiercest warriors in daytime – if not a bit psychotic, much like the men they’re involved with.

If I was a  DAYS writer/producer thinking about how to keep the ratings rock rolling up hill instead of down, there would be more focus on both quadrangles and even exploit the overlapping relationships between the two quads;  I’d kick up the Brady and Nicole storyline until Zuker goes on maternity leave.  Brady would actually be on the run with Nicole, trying to get her to return to Salem but all the while knowing that he is willing to betray his family to be with her;  I’d realize how much more interesting Stefano is without EJ and yes, Virginia, if there really is a Santa Claus – EJ would be history; Rafe’s family would also be gone;  I’d avoid making Maggie the collector of lost souls – her relationship with Melanie worked because it was unique.  With Mia it’s just old hat and a little tired.  Why not a role reversal with Maggie having relationship problems and Melanie serving as her sounding board?;    and finally,  I’d think about what it would need to happen to make Abe and Lexi and frontburner and interesting couple.  The writers need to do more to challenge themselves on what to do with the Carvers to enhance the show’s diversity in a way that’s meaningful.  Too much of what happens with the Carvers feels like an afterthought.