I know Jimmy’s in the well… he didn’t “fall”…

(Vladimir Putin)

Picture by: dunno source Caption by: RitaRocks via Our LOL Builder

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Photographed by World Economic Forum

DAVOS-KLOSTERS/SWITZERLAND, 29JAN09 – Vladimir Putin, Prime Minister of the Russian Federation talks to the participants of the ‘Private Meeting of the Members of the International Business Council with Vladimir Putin’ at the Annual Meeting 2009 of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, January 29, 2009.

Copyright by World Economic Forum
swiss-image.ch/Photo by Sebastian Derungs

– License

If you’ve been paying attention, you might have noticed a common thread among the ladies here. It’s certainly not that we’re all single. Ayn and JoZ have both jumped ship into the ocean (of alternating bliss and frustration) called marriage.  No, the common denominator is our love for shamed, vilified or badass politicians.

Putin riding bareback

Vladimir Putin

Why Ayn loves him? It is rumored that he used to work as an assassin for the KGB. Also, he has the deadliest nipples east of Cairo. His  stare is so intense that one cannot help but disrobe when he nods in your direction. I’d love to see him throw it down with Chief Strong Jaw for Ayn’s honor, but I really like the Chief and want him to live to see 30, just so I can call him “Old Man”.

The governator gets a chemical peel.

Arnold Schwarzenneger

Why swampmusic loves him? Two words – Blue Room. Just ask her if you happen to meet her. It’s a real elbow-burner of a story. The Governator of California is loved for his past playing that famous cyborg sent through time once to kill Sarah Conor, then to save John Conor, then to save John Conor again, and finally to do a naked cameo with all the wrinkles CGIed off his aging ass. Also, swampmusic has a serious obsession with metal. Hence her affection for Dr. Doom, Optimus Prime, Doc Oc, Iron Man, mustangs, tanks …

"I fart in your general direction!"

Rahm Emanuel

Why RetroVixen loves him? What’s not to love? 80% of people in Washington D.C. are afraid of him. The remaining 20% are either related to him or in bed with him. He speaks his mind and isn’t afraid to bitchslap the competition into submission. It’s his take charge attitude, political moxie and the arrogance brimming on insanity that melts RV’s panties at the mere mention of his name. Try not to call her when he’s giving an interview on television. Seriously, don’t call.

What happened to you, bb?

Tony Blair

Why Nibby loves him? Honestly, I don’t have a clue. He’s just … I dunno. Even after his disgraceful handling of the whole “let’s bomb Iraq back into the Stone Age because our f**kbuddy George Bush wants us to” fiasco, Nibs still loves him and was sad to see him replaced by the less visually pleasing Gordon Brown. I am sure there are some women out there who find Gordon Brown attractive, but I’ve yet to meet one.

Întrebat la Chişinău, în cadrul unui conferinţe de presă din 24 noiembrie 2009, dacă anul acesta va sărbători Ziua Unirii (1 decembrie), Marian Lupu, candidat al Alianţei pentru Integrare Europeană (Mihai Ghimpu, Marian Lupu, Vladimir Filat, Serafim Urechean) pentru funcţia de preşedinte, a răspuns:

„Скажу очень четко – нет. Şi vă spun de ce, dragii mei. Давайте, так. Помните, я когда-то вам говорил, что нормы демократии, на мой взгляд, вообще-то относятся, в том числе и к вопросам самоидентификации. Есть ряд людей в нашем обществе, которые идентифицируют себя как румыны. У них на это есть свое право. Соответственно то, что являются определенными ценностями, в том числе историческими, они также на это имеют право. Я и раньше говорил, и сейчас говорю, что я себя идентифицирую как молдаванин. У меня тоже на это есть свое право. Я ратую за Республику Молдова как за суверенное независимое государство, которое мы должны укреплять именно в этом ключе. При этом давая право людям, гражданам нашей страны на свободу – свободу и вероисповедания, свободу принципа самоидентификации. Но я лично в этом участвовать не буду, потому что это, скажем так, это праздник другого государства.”(Traducerea din rusă: „Voi spune foarte clar – nu. Şi vă spun de ce, dragii mei. Haideţi, aşa. Vă amintiţi că vă spuneam cândva că normele democratice, în opinia mea, se referă inclusiv şi la chestiunile autoidentificării. Există un şir de oameni în societatea noastră care se autoidentifică ca români. Ei au dreptul la asta. Respectiv, ceea ce reprezintă anumite valori, inclusiv istorice, ei de asemenea au dreptul la aceasta. Eu am spus-o şi mai înainte, şi o spun şi acum că eu mă autoidentific ca moldovean. Eu de asemenea am dreptul la aceasta. Eu pledez pentru Republica Moldova ca stat suveran independent, pe care noi trebuie să-l consolidăm anume în această cheie. Dându-le totodată dreptul oamenilor, cetăţenilor ţării noastre libertate – libertatea şi a confesiunii, libertatea principiului autoidentificării. Dar eu personal nu voi participa la aşa ceva, pentru că asta este, să zicem aşa, asta este sărătoarea unui alt stat.”)

Amintim că doar cu o zi înainte, la 23 noiembrie, la Sankt Petersburg, unde a participat la convorbiri cu liderii partidului de guvernământ “Edinnaia Rossia” din Federaţia Rusă, condus de Vladimir Putin, Marian Lupu a declarat pentru postul de radio “Eho Moskvî” (Ecoul Moscovei) următoarele:

„Когда мы вырабатывали наши договоренности и фиксировали принципы нашей работы в рамках коалиции очень четко был поставлен акцент, что Республика Молдова это не временный проект, это государство, которое должно укрепляться и быть во веки вечным именно таковым. И когда мы говорим об европейской интеграции, мы говорим интегрироваться не через Румынию или путем, скажем так, составной части соседнего государства, а интегрироваться как отдельное суверенное независимое государство. То есть это опять один из принципов, по которым мы пришли в нашем пакете.”

„Când am elaborat acordurile noastre şi am fixat principiile activităţii noastre, s-a pus foarte clar accentul în cadrul coaliţiei că Republica Moldova nu este un proiect provizoriu, ci este un stat care trebuie să se consolideze şi să existe anume aşa în vecii vecilor. Şi atunci când vorbim despre integrarea europeană, nu vorbim despre integrarea prin intermediul României sau pe calea, să zicem aşa, ca parte componentă a statului vecin, ci să ne integrăm ca un stat separat, suveran şi independent. Aşa dar, acesta este iarăşi unul dintre principiile care ne-au reunit pe toţi în pachet.” (traducere din rusă).

Vlad CUBREACOV, FLUX

For your holiday reading pleasure.

Articles:

Inside Higher Ed: Palintology. ~speculates on Sarah Palin’s favorite work of postmodern theory (Jean Baudrillard?) and employs the phrase “performative maverickiness.”

Jeffrey Feldman: “…Why People Like to Stuff People Like You into Ovens” ~explains how to deal with people spouting violent ideology. Starting with: Don’t be afraid.

Chicago Reader: A Kink in the Campaign. ~profiles the S&M master challenging a Chicago Machine candidate for office.

Natalia Antonova: Russia is a “criminal state”? Er… ~calls out Bill Browder for political posturing.

Laws:

Why has the United States not signed on to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child?

… or the Land Mine Ban Treaty?

Russia, meanwhile introduced a permanent ban on capital punishment, offered to reduce Co2 emissions between 20 percent and 25 percent below 1990s levels by 2010, (which appears to be more than the US is committing to), and has agreed not to fine Ukraine for the next few months, scrapping the tought talk for, ahem, cordial humour. Apparently Putin’s also planning Georgian reunification, too?

Random:

RIAN: Putin’s lost female tiger found. ~even Vova’s cats sometimes run off…

Der Spiegel: Girls for Gadhafi: Libyan Leader Hands out Korans to Hundreds of Italian Beauties. ~in which Brother Leader informs, “you believe that Jesus was crucified, but that didn’t happen. God took him to the heavens. They crucified some guy who looked like him.”

Lit:

Philip Roth is nominated for the “Bad sex in fiction” Award. ~need I say more?

OpenSpace.ru: Сурков признал авторство «Околоноля» ~Viktor Erofeev says Surkov confessed to authoring that gangsta-fiction book.

Recommends:

Tool: translate.google.com. You knew it could translate for you, but did you know it could do a translated search for you?

Blog: Izo.com. Fully of art, kitsch, gossip and NSFW brilliance.

Books: Platforme, by Houellebecq, and We, by Zamyatin. Nice uplifting holiday fare…

And on that note, have a happy Thanksgiving. In honor of which I present a Turkey Day Classic:

Eat up!

How can I NOT resist this quote when the burghers of the backwaters lined up this week to yet again worship at the moth-eaten, mad cow-diseased altar of Sarah Palin? According to the sly reporting of the New York Times, these people swore they would “take back their country” by doing everything in their power to get her into the White House. That they hadn’t read her new book or had any ideas what she would do if actually elected was beside the point.

Of course, if you purchase the secret redneck decoder ring (available at your local Wal-Mart), it all translates to: “Goddamn, what is this uppity Mooslim, Commie Socialist Nigra doing runnin’ MY country??? Lock away all the white wummin and get me my scopin’ rifle!”

Not unlike Barack Obama, Lincoln put up with this crap every single day of his political career until the nut cases indeed finally did him in. That quote – one of the few attributed to him that is dead on yet doesn’t soar – crystallizes the black exasperation he often felt. He represented a new paradigm: a bootstrapping backwoodsman with an intellectual’s temperament few people “got” until it was too late. The only previous President he had resembled to any degree was Andrew Jackson, like him a rural striver, but one fortunate enough to enjoy huge success as a commander during the War of 1812, and shrewd enough to exploit it for political gains. Otherwise, Jackson was just as hot-headed, paranoid and trigger-happy as his fellow Tennesseeans.

Indeed, Lincoln so alienated the Southern states that according to the eminent Civil War historian Shelby Foote, not even a “crank” redneck cast a vote for him in 1860. It’s fascinating that as recently as 50 years ago – when Foote used that term – that someone who thought Lincoln was fit for the presidency would be considered a crank.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, being one of the few mouth-smashing liberals in America, I believe it is time for the Sarah Palin rooters to leave the building. There is simply no rational explanation for their desire to elevate such a bumptious half-wit to such a powerful office. It only demonstrates this nation has too large an ignorant and prejudiced populace, one that refuses to be educated for its own good. Moreover, it will gladly use that ignorance to serve a malignant desire to imperil us all. At a time when there are simply too many short and long-term crises to solve, it would best serve the country to do what Lincoln did when he suspended habeus corpus during the Civil War – going beyond the Constitution in the short-term to preserve in the long-term.

Which is why I remembered the Great Emancipator’s quote, and why Russia would be the perfect destination for them. Here’s why:

1. Putin & Medvedev = Bush & Cheney…But Forever!

When George W. Bush said he looked Vladimir Putin in the eye in 2001 and was “able to get a sense of his soul,” it may have been the only intuitive observation of his entire presidency. Both men are glaringly alike: incurious, autocratic megalomaniacs who not only disdain the opposition, but believe it shouldn’t exist at all. Putin, as a matter fact, could be a template for the “unitary presidency,” that technocratic little term the neo-con fascists cobbled together during Bush’s first term as an excuse for marginalizing Congress and smashing the Constitution into rubble.

Vladmir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev's political relationship should calm all those recent Rooshan immigrants longing for the halcyon days of Bush and Cheney.

Putin was forced out of the presidency by term limits last year, but he assumed the presumably lesser prime minister’s role, with his dimwitted puppet Dmitry Medvedev assuming his old job. But really, everyone knows who’s calling the shots. Sound like a familiar relationship? Yet unlike the Bush/Cheney duet, these guys will have held power at least 16 years, and likely beyond that. This should be a very reassuring arrangement for the new arrivals.

2. The rich, and only the rich, are in charge

No bigger oligopoly exists on Earth than Roosha, where the only people who have the ears of politicians are the obscenely rich, and everyone else might as well live on Neptune – or else. Stepping out of line can still land you in one of those gulags Uncle Joe Stalin was so fond of. Indeed, only $150 annually is spent on healthcare per capita! Thousands of doctors have been laid off and hundreds of hospitals have been closed in recent years. It’s a right-winger’s dreamland: if you can get rich, God bless you. Otherwise, shut the fock up!!

3. They shoot journalists, don’t they?

The Committee to Protect Journalists announced in September that Russia was not only one of the most dangerous places on earth to ply the trade, but one of the worst at solving their murders. Witness Anna Politkoskayva, Russia’s equivalent of Dana Priest, the Washington Post reporter who broke the stories on the CIA’s secret “black sites.” After being unsuccessfully poisoned at least once, she was gunned down in the elevator of her apartment building in 2006. The killers have never been found; some low-level thugs were tried earlier this year, but acquitted. All those code words about the “mainstream media,” “media elite,” “liberal bias” and Fox News’ “Fair and Balanced” slogan boil down to a desire to slaughter anybody who tries to unearth the truth. You couldn’t find a better place to nurture such kindred spirits.

4. Nyet, we have no environment

Russia is in some parallel universe regarding environmental protections. Its factories belch unfiltered smoke, even the most rural portions of Siberia are covered with garbage, and everyone smokes. Oh, and no one – NO ONE – wears seatbelts, an amusing prospect where most of the roads are rutted mudtracks and little is spent to improve or even maintain them. A perfect home for all the naysayers who insist that global warming is a myth and that the government intrudes too much in their lives. And since the average life expectancy of a Russian is about 15 years less than it is for Americans, I will have to listen to them grumble about wanting to live free for significantly less time.

5. But Sarah May Still Visit!

Those departed compatriots of mine may still cast a wistful eye toward the Motherland as they adjust to their new life in Roosha, but have no fears. Sarah Palin always insisted she could see Roosha from her backyard. Assuming that is correct, you’ll have no problems stealing admiring glimpses of her. Of course, she won’t be able to hear you, but take comfort in the fact she never listened to you anyway. And since you’re doing this to make your country a better place to live, Honest Abe would no doubt be proud. If you ask me if it’s the right thing to do, I only have two words: You Betcha!

Preşedintele Partidului Democrat Marian Lupu consideră că nici una dintre componentele AIE nu susţine unirea Republicii Moldova cu România. Lupu a făcut această declaraţie pentru ascultătorii postului de Radio „Eho Moskvâ”, luni, 23 noiembrie 2009, în cadrul vizitei sale la Snkt Ptersburg, unde a participat la congresul partidului puterii din Federaţia Rusă „Edinnaia Rosia”, al cărei lider este premierul rus Vladimir Putin.În dialogul lui Marian Lupu, corespondentul „Eho Moskvâ” a afirmat că unele componente ale coaliţiei de guvernământ de la Chişinău urmăresc unirea Republicii Moldova cu România şi doresc integrarea Republicii Moldova în Uniunea Europeană ca parte componentă a României. Lupu însă l-a corectat, făcând următoarea precizare: „Când am definitivat principiile în baza cărora vom activa în cadrul coaliţiei, am fixat în mod expres că Republica Moldova nu este un proiect de scurtă durată, ci este un stat care trebuie să fie consolidat şi să existe în vecii vecilor. Şi atunci când vorbim de integrarea europeană, nu avem în vedere integrarea prin intermediul României, ca parte componentă a statului vecin, ci să ne integrăm în Uniunea Europeană ca un stat separat, suveran şi independent. Acesta este unul din principiile acceptate de toate componentele Alianţei pentru Integrare Europeană la constituirea acesteia”, a declarat Marian Lupu.

The Russia-EU summit in Stockholm last week was hailed by commentators on both sides as friendly beyond expectations and the most successful in the long series of tense and content-free summits. A few months back, Moscow –irritated by the strong Swedish condemnation of the Georgian war– had proposed holding the event in Brussels, but Foreign Minister Carl Bildt duly toned down his criticism and the long-expected decision on granting Gazprom permission to build the Nord Stream pipeline across the Swedish economic zone in the Baltic Sea created the warmest possible atmosphere for the summit (Rossiyskaya Gazeta, Nezavisimaya Gazeta, November 19).

This “thaw,” however, does not signify a “reset” in the Russian-European pseudo-partnership, and non-stop smiles have hardly made a significant contribution to rebuilding eroded trust. In an express-poll conducted by Ekho Moskvy on November 18, more than 70 percent of its liberal audience defined relations between Russia and the E.U. as “confrontation” and only 20 percent –as “cooperation.” The outgoing E.U. leadership had opted for a problem-free summit on the eve of the crucial vote for the first ever President of the European Council as well as a new High Representative for Foreign and Security Policy (www.gazeta.ru, November 19). At the next summit, scheduled for June 2010 in Rostov-on-Don, Catherine Ashton, who has taken the latter job with a newly strengthened mandate, might disillusion Medvedev who assumes that “things are progressing quite nicely” towards a new Partnership and Cooperation Agreement.

One of the stumbling blocks is Russia’s ambivalent course on acceding to the World Trade Organization (WTO) and Medvedev’s claim that he had instructed the cabinet to take the “shortest path” offered only a modicum of clarity. The most alarming divergence of interests, however, is happening exactly in the most developed “space for cooperation” –energy trade and investment, and Medvedev’s smiles did little to restore Russia’s reputation as a reliable exporter (Vedomosti, November 19). A far more important event in this respect occurred the next day in Yalta, where Prime Minister Vladimir Putin had a late night meeting with his Ukrainian counterpart Yulia Tymoshenko. They agreed to a deal on prices and volumes for the supply and transit of Russian gas, which would have been great news for European consumers, were this bargain not so directly aimed at influencing the presidential elections in Ukraine next January. Putin saw no reason to deny himself the pleasure of making rude jokes concerning Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko, and Tymoshenko was only too happy to play along (Kommersant, November 21).

The quality of this humor would not surprise European leaders (except, perhaps, Lady Ashton who has not savored it before), but the fact that Putin again seeks to harvest political dividends from the gas business is alarming. That this time he finds it beneficial not to punish Ukraine for violating contract agreements (Tymoshenko has received a multi-million dollar gift, as Putin confirmed a waiver on Gazprom’s trademark “take-or-pay” provision) which may lift some concerns about another “gas war.” The intrigue, however, is certain to take many new turns after the Ukrainian elections, and the E.U. Energy Commissioner Andris Piebalgs knows perfectly well that the newly-signed memorandum on setting an early warning mechanism provides no guarantee against sudden disruptions (Kommersant, November 17).

The “gas-for-promises” deal with Tymoshenko may not be that profitable for Russia (particularly since her promises are known to be less than rock-solid), but it has reaffirmed Putin’s role as the “decider.” Medvedev, therefore, is left with the public relations functions of beautifying Russia’s image abroad and making rousing speeches that mix patriotism and liberalism in healthy doses. He is trying to push these boundaries by issuing instructions to the government, but Russian bureaucracy is adept at sabotaging orders and reporting on their impeccable implementation. The real power of the presidential office is in hiring-and-firing, but Medvedev remains extra-cautious in using it. His advisor Mikhail Lesin, the former media minister and a key manipulator in Putin’s propaganda machine, was sacked with the stamp “abuse of office” last week, but this scandal remains an exception that proves the rule (Kommersant, November 19).

Medvedev focuses on the message that the pre-crisis prosperity amounted to a “humiliating dependence on raw materials” and that “the habit of living off export earnings” must be broken. Putin is clearly not comfortable with this denunciation of his achievements, and he has launched an ideological counter-offensive exploiting the pronounced disappointment in various political quarters about Medvedev’s lackluster address to the Federal Assembly on November 12 (www.gazeta.ru, November 18). The first salvo was delivered in a speech to the Russian Geographic Society (which Putin has benevolently taken under his trusteeship), which opened with a reassertion of Russia’s greatness derived not only from political stability and economic competitiveness (both, in fact, rather problematic) but from its sheer size (Vremya Novostei, November 19). The forceful follow-up was Putin’s speech at the congress of the United Russia party, which politely applauded Medvedev’s short address, but rallied to close ranks around its true leader. Putin elaborated on the ideology of “Russian conservatism,” which implicitly, but unmistakably, opposes Medvedev’s discourse on “innovations.”

In a show of unity, the two co-rulers had dinner in a cozy St. Petersburg restaurant, but the diverging course of leadership is dividing their odd “tandem” (www.grani.ru, November 19). Medvedev is trying to connect with the loose but powerful idea of “change” and argues that Russia cannot continue prospering as a petro-state, but Putin counters with the affirmative “Yes, we can.” Indeed, for the vast state bureaucracy, which constitutes a natural base for United Russia, Medvedev’s diatribes against “an archaic society in which the leaders think and decide for everyone” are positively alien, and the vast majority of the populace suspect that change can only be for the worse. Putin has prevailed over a feeble effort to gather a coalition of “modernizers” by using the most efficient tactics –allowing Medvedev to prove his uselessness as a leader of such a coalition. This predictable bureaucratic triumph leaves him in the position of a boy who plugged a hole in the dam with his finger, while the tide of change is about to overflow.

Famous Faces Movember

There was a mini flurry of excitement in February when TV viewers thought they detected a faint fuzz on US President Barack Obama’s upper lip. Was he going to be the first president to sport a moustache since William Howard Taft in 1923? False alarm it seems, and the White House remains a facial-hair-free zone.

But in the interests of promoting Movember, the men’s health initiative to raise funds for prostate cancer by growing sponsored moustaches, we thought it would be interesting to see how Obama and a number of other prominent politicos would look if they decided to become a Mo Bro (or Mo Sista).

George W Bush

Anti war protesters used pictures of Dubba with a Hitler moustache to give the ex-Prez a bad name. We thought we’d prefer to see him with an imperial style – hair growing from upper lip and cheeks and curled upwards. Appropriate for a guy who once led the biggest empire in the Free World.

Sarah Palin

In Turkey the slogan “do I have to have a moustache to be in Parliament?” highlighted the lack of women in powerful places. We know the former Alaskan Governor is now just an ordinary citizen, but her brief run to glory qualifies the gal as a Mo Sista.

Vladimir Putin

President Putin has revived the cult of the body with his mastery of the sporting-political scene. Photographs in which he fishes, practises judo and strikes a variety of absurd, he-man poses have inspired not ridicule, but adoration.  So we say lead the way Vladimir, by inspiring world leaders to grow a mo!

Helen Clark

With her consciously low-pitched voice, former NZ Prime Minister Helen Clark, now head of the United Nations Development Programme, the third-highest UN position, was frequently accused of being more of a man than the blokes she ruled. So why not a mo as well?

Hone Harawira

Currently the bad boy of NZ politics because he skived off for a weekend in Paris with his wife when he should have been in boring Brussels meetings. Why not a mo to improve his prospects?

Hillary Clinton

She’s been accused of wearing pants to undermine male authority. We say why not go the whole hog?

Rodney Hide

He ditched his wife and a ton of weight, found (much younger) new love and went dizzy on Dancing with the Stars. Now his perk-busting reputation is shattered with revelations of tax-payer funded jaunts with blonde Louise to Hawaii and points north. All he needs now is sexy mouth hair.

Nicholas Sarkozy

He wears shoes with heels and he’s married to Carla Bruni. All that’s left for him to grow a mo to beat Mugabe’s.

by Ian Bremmer, for QFINANCE.

Introduction

Over the past several years, and across a broad range of companies, corporate decision-makers seeking opportunities overseas have learned that it is not enough to have a knowledge of a foreign country’s economic fundamentals. They also have to understand the forces and dynamics that shape these countries’ politics. This is especially true for emerging markets, where politics matters at least as much as economic factors for market outcomes. Of course, understanding that political risk matters is one thing. Knowing how to use it is another.

Stability

Starting with the basics, when committing a company to risk exposure in an emerging market country, it’s essential to understand how political risk impacts the underlying strength of its government. There are two key elements to consider: stability and shock. Shocks are especially tough to forecast, because there are so many different kinds and because shocks are, by definition, unpredictable. We can’t know when an earthquake will strike Pakistan, an elected leader will fall gravely ill in Nigeria, or a previously unknown group will carry out a successful terrorist attack in Indonesia.

But we can take the measure of a state’s stability, which is defined as a government’s ability to implement policy and enforce laws despite a shock to the system. The global financial crisis, a potent shock, has inflicted heavy losses on Russia’s stock market. But Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has amassed plenty of political capital over the past several years, and President Dmitry Medvedev, his handpicked successor, basks in Putin’s reflected glow. Neither need fear that large numbers of Russian citizens will turn on them anytime soon. In addition, a half-decade of windfall energy profits has generated more than $500 billion in reserves, ready cash that can be used to bail out stock markets, banks, and, if necessary, an unpopular government. That’s why, for the near-term, Russia will remain stable…

To read the complete article click here.

Continuare la Oniric, La infirmerie și episoadele anterioare: Briefing, O întâmplare inexplicabilă, Inițierea, Botezul, În documentare, La dușuri și  Unicameralul cu tinetă.

Foto: Alice Drogoreanu

Cei patru lideri mondiali, printre care Traian era cel mai pipernicit și mai schilav, se așezau pentru poza epocală de grup.

Fotograful, manevrând un dagherotip uriaș montat pe un cărucior, le dădea ultimele indicații, înainte de a se strecura sub pânza neagră.

- Domnu mititel și cocoșat! Treceți la mijloc, că nu vă vedeți! Domnu Hussein, puțin în spatele doamnei Angela. Ați făcut scara măgarului! Nu așa! Doamna Angela, în extrema dreaptă! Domnul Hussein, în extrema stângă! Dmitri și Traian, la mijloc! Hai că mai am și treabă, n-o să stau aici până vă așezați voi. Așa… adăugă, mulțumit, fotograful. Păsăricaaa!… adăugă el, fluturând degetele deasupra obiectivului.

- Se zice ”Măi păsărică, n-ai și tu treabă azi?” interveni Traian. Mai bine lasă dracului păsărica, hai să ne pozăm odată!

Fotograful declanșă o lumină orbitoare și fumul de magneziu învălui treptele scărilor de marmură ale edificiului. Când acesta se risipi, nu mică le fu mirarea protagoniștilor scenei. Un motan uriaș cobora în salturi scările și se luase după un șoricel care-și pivota căpșorul în toate părțile să afle un ascunziș. Cei trei se uitară și ei mirați unii la alții. Traian dispăruse. Ridicară din umeri și urcară scările spre summit-ul care tocmai trebuia să înceapă.

- Crezi că a făcut fotograful vreo vrajă? îl intrebă Angela pe Dmitri, strecurându-și mâna după antebrațul acestuia. Cum facem, îmi ieftinești și mie metrul cub de gaz, nu-i așa? Modific impozitele firmelor cu capital mixt, știi tu, ruso-german…

- Mă mai gândesc. Trebuie să vorbesc și cu Vladimir, să văd ce planuri are… răspunse Dmitri. Dacă Hussein nu-și mai bagă coada în Iran… s-ar putea.

Șoricelul simțea suflându-i în ceafă respirație de motan bine hrănit.  Piciorușele parcă nu-l mai ascultau. ”Iată-mă și șoricel”… Putea să mă prefacă pozarul ăla într-un câine… Era mai aproape de adevăr și puteam să-i rup spinarea animalului ăstuia… Parcă îl știu de undeva… se chinui șoricelul să-și amintească cu inima cât un purice săltăreț.

- Stai că te prind eu acuma! Îți dau eu ție sondaje măsluite și referendumuri! Tu-ți grijania mâne-ti de chiormaliu! gâfâia și motanul, în urmă.

Șoricelul găsi o găurică între două borduri și se strecură cu iuțeală în ea, oprindu-se apoi, în bezna unei galerii întunecoase, mici și umede, să-și tragă sufletul. Motanului nu-i rămăsese decât să miroase în jurul borții, scurmă cu gheruțele dar reuși doar să zgârie un pic mozaicul de marmură. ”Ți-ar pielea a dracului, Adriene! Puteai să faci și tu borduri din lut galben! Se măcinau la prima ploaie și-apoi le înlocuiai în fiecare săptămână!  Da, deh! Lutul galben nu-i de la tine din carieră! Te găbui eu pân la urmă! Pun eu laba pe tine, îți rup fiecare oscior!” răcni motanul în dreptul găurii, înspăimântându-l și mai tare pe șoricel.

” Acum, eu ce fac?… se întrebă șoricelul. În regat nu mă pot întoarce sub o așa înfățișare… M-ar mânca imediat oricare jivină… Trebuie să găsesc o vrăjitoare să mă dezlege de farmece… Să mă facă înapoi, cine-am fost… Unde să mă duc oare? amușină el cu mustățile gaura în care se afla. Îmi pare cunoscut mirosul… Miroase a brânză și a pește… și a cloramfenicol… unde dracu sunt? Nu cumva am intrat în … se întremă el cu un gând dătător de speranță. Parcă nu era totuși așa de mare… Stai că eu îs șoarece, de fapt. În timp ce șoricelul se deda acestor supoziții, simți ceva sărat, cald și ud prelingându-i-se pe blăniță. Curios, ridică căpșorul și se uită mirat în sus. Un al doilea jet aproape că îl înecă, intrându-i în trahee, urechi și ochi. Tuși să-i sară ochii din orbite.

- Care pizda mă-tii dai cu saramură? Vrei să mă-neci? Asta-i din salinele mogulului! Huo! strigă el, tușind, înecându-se, scuipând.

- Mă piș pe tine până te-nec! veni răspunsul motanului însoțit de încă un jet de urină care-l năuci complet pe șoricelul Traian.

(Va continua) Update necesar, făcut la solicitarea ulterioară a lui Cell61.

]]> http://larssjogren.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/mona-sahlin-som-landsmoder/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:46:33 +0000 Lars Sjögren http://larssjogren.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/mona-sahlin-som-landsmoder/

Professor emeritus  Olof Ruin, diskuterar begreppen landsfader och landsmoder, i det utmärkta radioprogrammet Godmorgon världen – Sveriges Radio P1.

Han konstaterar att Vladimir Putin är en sorts landsfader för ryssarna, Fredrik Reinfelt  skulle eventuellt, under vissa omständigheter kunna bli detsamma  för svenskarna. Vidare att Angela Merkel är på god väg att bli en landsmoder för tyskarna.

Undertecknad konstaterar att Mona Sahlins chanser att bli en framtida landsmoder, torde vara mikroskopiska.

Lars Sjögren

My name? Putin, Vladimir Putin.

(Vladimir Putin)

She’s cooler!

Picture by: Clerlic Caption by: Clerlic via Our LOL Builder

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Foto: Alice Drogoreanu

O mare imensă de creștete încremenite. Parcă ar fi fost un câmp acoperit cu bostani scobiți precum cei de la Halloween. Găvane goale din care ochii s-au scurs și s-au uscat, guri știrbite, rotunjite într-o mirare (sau prostrație) tâmpă. Cățărat pe spinarea unui pitic care stătea cocoșat, Traian, singurul îmbrăcat elegant ca un veritabil dandy, își purta privirea peste această masă încremenită.

”Ăsta-i poporul meu?” mormăi el ca pentru sine. Glasul nu i se auzi decât pentru cei din imediata preajmă. ”Pentru ăștia mă sacrific eu zi și noapte, futu-mi capu’ meu! Căcați! Gunoaie! Nu mă merită!” se tângui îndurerat și o lacrimă i se prinse de colțul genei, aruncând sclipiri. ”Nici să-i scuip nu merită! Uecs!” trase el o flegmă ce se lipi ca o marcă de scrisoare trimisă prin Poșta Română, de un bostan din apropiere.

- Vreau să aud doleanțele voastre! Sunt comandantul vostru! Al tuturor! încercă el să-i anime. Vă iubesc! gâjâi el și o grimasă de silă îi trecu precum o umbră, pe chip.

- Și noi te iubim Măria Ta!  Excelența Voastră! se auzi un glas pițigăiat, singular, în mulțimea de mormăituri.

- Vrem pâine! îndrăzni o voce, surprinsă ea însăși de faptul că izbucnise. Găvanele dovleacului căutară ezitant înspre Regele de pe spinarea piticului.

- Ce-a zis ăsta? se întoarse el spre cei doi halebardieri aflați undeva, în planul secund, pe o vâlcea. Tăiați-i capul!

- Nu vrem nimic! Vrem să te slăvim! scandară câteva voci și ceilalți îi îngânară.

- -Mic! … Vim!… Mic!…

- Bine, hai, gata! Dacă nu vreți nimic, mă duc la Palat! Mitingul s-a încheiat, gata! La muncă, toată lumea! Gărzi, puneți-le lanțurile, să nu-mi fugă vreunul! Deja am omorât prea mulți! Montează cei doi sori alternativi, să nu li se pară ăstora că s-a-nserat și să tragă la somn! Nu doarme nimeni în Împărăția mea! Hai, la revedere! Să ne vedem cu bine!

”Vedea-te-aș cu vată-n nas!” se revoltă, în mintea lui, unul dintre gardieni. Traian se întoarse brusc, îi auzise gândul. ”E un exemplu prost să-i scot mațele aici…” îi fulgeră acestuia prin minte. ”Pot să citesc gândurile! Asta-i cu adevărat magistral!” se bucură el și păși țanțoș înspre Palat vizualizând cum o să-i mănânce creierii care-au gândit necuviințe, acestui necioplit.

Purtătorii de dovleci se îndreptau înșiruiți, cu umerii căzuți și abia târându-și picioarele, spre cele două porți. Acolo îi așteptau gărzile care îi montau fiecăruia cătușele legate cu  lanțuri pe gleznă.

- De ce ne mai legați? Că și-așa nu avem unde ne duce… rosti șoptit o voce. Nu-i Imperiul lui peste tot? Unde să fugim? Am ajuns ca vitele…

- Eu zic să te abții de la asemenea aserțiuni, își împinse ochelarii spre rădăcina nasului și-l scrută scurt unul dintre supraveghetorii gărzilor. Împăratul ne aude și gândurile dacă vrei să știi. Am renunțat la mijloacele de interceptare. Nu mai aveau niciun sens! Te-am omorî dar nu mai e loc la bazinul de reciclare… mai spuse acesta plictisit, în timp ce-și îndreptă atenția spre unghiile pe care și le curăța tacticos cu o așchie de lemn.

 Motivul adevărat era acela că, după ce omorâseră cu sârg aproape jumătate din dovlecime, nu mai aveau forță de muncă suficientă pentru a extrage aurul de care era atâta nevoie… și supraveghetorul își blocă gândul care tindea spre o idee împotriva sistemului. Acela că aurul era folosit exclusiv pentru concubina regală. Ce făcea cu el, când întregul pământ era la bunul lor plac, nu se știe. Și supraveghetorul nu avea chef să mai simtă menghina noetică tasându-i neuronii și vălmășindu-i dendritele. O pățise o singură dată și-i fusese de-ajuns.

Personajul subțiratec și cocoșat, cu privire haină și piezișă își răsfrânse nările în vânt și-și ciuli urechile. Mirosea a ceva bun dar nu-și dădea seama a ce anume, scormoni în minte să identifice mirosul. Și se auzea o unduire de râs cristalin. Traian se aburcă dintr-o săritură pe tronul de aur după ce urcase în fugă cele 11 trepte care duceau la el.

- Cine cântă?

- Mă duc să văd Luminăția Ta! se ploconi una dintre gărzi.

- Adu-mi aici sursa acestei voci!

Traian făcu un semn imperceptibil unei însoțitoare și aceasta se apropie imediat cu un clondir uriaș montat pe un cărucior, îl balansă și turnă într-un pahar de cristal cât o bardacă. Acesta se scotoci în buzunarul interior al hainei, scoase de-acolo un drapel împăturit, îl privi o clipă apoi îl aruncă în vasul cu foc nestins vădit nemulțumit, băgă iar mâna și scoase un furtunel. Mulțumit, se răsfrâse între perne și trase încântat din furtun.

- Aduce-mi-ți-l …ptiu drace! spurcată limbă!  Aduceți-mi-l pe Volodea să fac un pokeraș cu el. După ce-l înving prin mijloace necinstite, îl dau la tigrii lui, Amur. Și aflați-mi ce se gătește azi la bucătăria planetară. Să nu mai văd conserve chinezești! Și ăla cu sursa muzicii unde p.. … mă-sii s-a dus? În Cosmos? Și zi-i Reginei să mai termine cu toaletele, să vină să-mi țină de urât!

- În aduc pe Volodea, mai întâi…

- Adu-o pe mă-ta! Vă mișcați ca niște reluări! și mai supse o dată cu sete din furtun, lăsându-se pe spate între perne și închizând ochii. Brusc îi reveni în minte prima lui zi de domnie. Coborî, din nou, odată cu imaginea atât de dragă din memorie, din Dacia Logan în fața Uniunii Statelor Planetare. Stătu, preț de o secundă, lângă mașină. Apoi se îndreptă cu pași hotărâți către Comitetul de Primire adunat în cinstea lui. El, care cucerise Lacul Rusesc și toate teritoriile până la Cape Town, se bucura acum de recunoaștere.

La capătul scărilor îl așteptau Hussein Barack Obama, Angela Merkel și Dmitri Medvedev, cu capetele plecate, rușinați, i se adresară, gudurându-se:

- Părintele și Binefăcătorul nostru! Ce bine arătați!

”Mă invidiază că eu îi fut pe-ai mei și nu se revoltă” își zisese satisfăcut. ”Sper că ăștia nu citesc gândurile” rânji el în sine.

- Da, arăt bine, normal! Voi ce p … mea arătați ca niște curci plouate? Și, tu, băi umflato – i se adresă Angelei – ce dracu’ bagi în tine ca sparta? Fă dracului o cură!

- Doriți să facem o fotografie? se aplecă, slugarnic, ca în fața Împăratului Japoniei, Obama.

- Du-te-n … …! Ce, tu ești Bercea Mondialu? Cu țigani împuțiți îmi fac eu poze?… Uite, cu Dmitri, da. Nu de-alta, da să i-o arăt lu Putin să se oftice în plus, când îl bat la poker!

(Va urma)

Qué dura es la vida; naces sin permiso, te traen a este mundo después de practicar el sexo el día adecuado para que un espermatozoide fecunde un óvulo, y cuando te das cuenta de lo que significa estar vivo te dicen que no te alegres mucho, de que tarde o temprano tendrás que morir. Y saber que de la misma manera que naces te vas a morir -normalmente-, sin tu permiso, es muy jodido. De ahí que surjan, en parte, las religiones: son una manera de ofrecer a las personas una vida después de la muerte. Y tiene gracia, porque las religiones, de una manera u otra, ofrecen la vida después de la muerte como un botones se ofrece a llevarte las maletas.

Y en ambos casos hay que pagar; al botones con dinero, y a las religiones con la vida. Mucho más cuando las religiones se convierten en sectas -o cuando surgen sectas de las religiones-, que algunas lavan el cerebro a los que caen en sus redes y para salvarse tienen que suicidarse, cuando lo normal es que salvarse no va ligado a morir, sino todo lo contrario. Salvo para las religiones, para las que salvarse y morir van ligadas de la mano: Cristo murió en la cruz para salvarnos a todos, para redimirnos de nuestros pecados, y o murió donde y cuando no debía, o nos hemos pasado por el forro esa parte de la Biblia, porque cada vez vamos de mal en peor. Así que estamos a la espera de que Dios, en su inmensa sabiduría, nos mande al segundo de sus hijos -si es que envió más de una paloma-, porque la labor del primero no ha sido del todo satisfactoria. Nos hace falta otro Mesías, un hombre con visión de futuro que nos lleve por el buen camino; a los creyentes para que vivan cristianamente; a los ateos graciosos para que nos guíe en la difícil tarea de hacer reír con nuestro sentido del humor, incomprendido muchas veces.

Hasta en España, no podía ser menos, hace falta un nuevo Mesías. Circula por Internet la teoría de que Jesús (Cristo, no Vázquez) era español. Pero claro, también circula que era argentino, paraguayo, inglés, francés, estadounidense… menos somalí seguro que al final era de todo. Y no era somalí por una sencilla razón: para ser somalí hace falta secuestrar un barco y casarte al día siguiente de la liberación del barco que has secuestrado gracias al dinero que te pagan por el rescate. Y que sepamos a Jesús no le daba por secuestrar barcos, simplemente se acercaba a los pescadores de los barcos para que fuesen sus apóstoles: vamos, algo parecido a que si hoy en día Florentino Pérez llama a un obrero que está abriendo una calle por décima vez en el mismo año para que sea Director Deportivo del Real Madrid. Pero bueno, volviendo a la necesidad que tiene España de que llegue un nuevo Mesías, hay que reconocer que en la primera mitad del siglo XX llegó desde África algo parecido a un Mesías. Lo que tiene la evolución, que hasta los Mesías vienen de África.

Esta especie de Mesías, por llamarla de alguna manera, tenía un nombre de alta alcurnia, de esos que escuchas y te cagas. Su nombre era Francisco Franco, Paco para los amigos, Paquito para la familia, y para los enemigos… bueno, eso casi mejor que se lo preguntemos a ellos. Sí, el dictador Francisco Franco no caía bien a todo el mundo. ¿Por ser bajito? No. ¿Por tener una voz ligeramente aguda a pesar de tener dos huevos como dos soles? Tampoco. Parece ser, dicen los que vivieron con Franco en vida, que llegó al poder con un golpe de Estado que devino en una Guerra Civil que duró tres años y que estuvo en el poder desde 1939 hasta 1975. Eso es mucho tiempo, dos años más de los que vivió Cristo. Y por algo debe ser, porque al primero lo mataron con 33 años, y el segundo murió en la cama después de 35 años de dictador. Que estuvo de dictador como cualquier hijo de vecino puede estar de carpintero, más ancho que alto. Hoy mismo, y no otro día cualquiera, se cumplen los 34 años de la muerte de Franco. ¿Se dan cuenta? Un Mesías murió con 33 años, otro murió después de 35 años como dictador, hoy se cumplen 34 años de la muerte de ese Mesías llamado Francisco Franco… Todo encaja, todo encaja…

Como las piezas de un puzzle. A la perfección. Sí, tal vez estamos presenciando una serendipia (el que sepa el significado de la palabra serendipia que lo sepa, de momento digamos que es una enfermedad peor que un grano en la punta de la…). Es probable que la vida de Franco, y no sólo el tiempo que ha pasado desde su muerte hasta el día de hoy en relación con la edad a la que Cristo fue asesinado y el tiempo que Franco estuvo de dictador, esté rodeada de más serendipias. De hecho hay una más, por lo menos, y es que Francisco Franco murió (porque en principio murió el 20 de noviembre de 1975, a no ser que muriera otro día y haya pasado a la Historia una fecha que no se corresponde con la verdad y todo sea una farsa) el mismo día que murió otro ilustre hombre de España, hombre de bien donde los haya: José Antonio Primo de Rivera, creador de la Falange. Sí, Primo de Rivera creó la Falange, un hito en la Historia de la medicina mucho mayor que los descubrimientos de Ramón y Cajal o de Alexander Fleming. La diferencia, eso sí, entre la muerte de Primo de Rivera y la muerte de Franco es que al primero lo fusilaron, y el segundo mandó fusilar a unos cuantos.

Porque para muchos Francisco Franco salvó a España de la perdición, del hundimiento, de la miseria, de los judeo-masones… pero para otros tantos lo que hizo Franco fue todo lo contrario. Sí, hay muchos que dicen que con Franco se vivía mejor, pero que se lo pregunten a los exiliados del franquismo o a los asesinados por el régimen franquista. Ellos no pensarán nada porque están muertos, fueron vilmente asesinados, pero sus familiares y descendientes seguro que tienen muchas cosas que decir acerca de este salvador que se proclamó Generalísimo y Caudillo. Y no se proclamó reina del desierto porque ese título lo tiene Priscila. Pero ojo, Franco tenía mucho estilo para vestir, el que no se lo crea sólo tiene que ver el cuadro en el que aparece vestido con su uniforme militar y con la piel de un zorro o un animal similar en los hombros. Sólo le faltaba dejar de comer y tenía un sitio asegurado en la Pasarela Cibeles. Seguro que no había nadie con los huevos y los santos cojones de decirle que no podía desfilar. Hubiese sido un acto más de la defensa de Franco por la libertad de las elecciones de los españoles, que podían incluso cantar el himno de la república delante de El Pardo y no pasaba nada. Así de generoso era Don Paco con la música. Ahora con la SGAE no pasa eso, pillan a uno silbando el Himno de Riego y le meten un puro en forma de multa por infringir los derechos de autor. Y con Franco esto no hubiese pasado, entre otras cosas porque para solucionar el problema de un plumazo no había más que denegar los derechos de los ciudadanos y listo.

Incluso el derecho a la vida estaba prohibido durante el franquismo. Por eso se mataba a los que iban en su contra. Y no hablamos de los kamikazes que conducen en la dirección contraria por las carreteras. Pero muchos dirán que esto es una mamarrachada, que como con Franco se vivía mejor que ahora con la democracia, hablar de la pena de muerte es una gilipollez y una mentira de rojos, de anarquistas, de comunistas; vivir bien nunca está ligado a dejar de morir porque te maten en nombre del Estado. Y si te mataban era por tu culpa, con lo fácil que era callarse y aguantar a Franco como dictador, van muchos y se lían a decir cosas en su contra. Es que así no se puede gobernar como Dios manda: apostólica, católica y romanemente. Como las comidas, a la romana (comidas de comer encima de la mesa, en sus respectivos platos, con cuchara y tenedor, no comidas de putas, esas son otras comidas que no se servían en el Franco’s Restaurant). Cada día con Franco era así, la dura tarea de gobernar España se convertía en una historia de nunca acabar. Algo parecido a lo que vivía Bill Murray en el film El día de la marmota. Cada día se despertaba en el mismo día, el día de la marmota, y el tiempo no avanzaba. Al principio casi se vuelve loco, igual que Franco. Pero con el paso del tiempo, a pesar de la propia ausencia del paso del tiempo, se acostumbró y le sacó partido. Bill Murray lo hizo muy bien, y Francisco Franco también. Lo malo de no haber visto la película entera entorpece la tarea de terminar con el símil, pero al menos el final del franquismo sí se puede dar aquí: Franco acabó con los pies por delante, las manos en el pecho, los ojitos cerrados y más tieso que los generales franquistas cuando se cuadraban delante de Franco.

Porque tarde o temprano Franco tenía que morir. Era cuestión de años. Sobrevivió demasiado tiempo, se juntó un cúmulo de situaciones, de miedo a una nueva guerra civil, de intereses estadounidenses por tener una posible vía con el fin de paralizar un temible avance del Telón de Acero hacia tierras ibéricas… y oye, que Francisco Franco no se moría. Nunca se caía al fondo de uno de los pantanos que inauguraba, el sentido del pacifismo y de la convivencia no lo tenía, pero el del equilibrio al parecer lo tenía intacto el muy jodío. No se moría hasta que su salud se debilitó. El fin de España estaba cerca, el salvador de la patria se estaba muriendo. ¿Quién quedaría al cargo del Estado tras su muerte? Pues una persona que en el futuro de España no ha tenido relevancia, hasta el punto de que hoy en día, precisamente hoy, día 20 de noviembre del 2009, día en que se cumple el 34 aniversario de la muerte de Franco, si salimos a la calle y preguntamos a los españoles por el nombre de la persona que en julio de 1969 fue nombrada sucesor de Franco a título de Rey, nadie sabrá decir el nombre. Es lo bueno de la Transición Española, que para que no quedaran restos del franquismo se procuró, y se hizo, que nadie ligado al poder franquista tuviese ningún tipo de poder en la democracia.

El día de la muerte de Franco se acercaba y se acercaba, tanto como se acercan los mosquitos a la luz y a los cuerpos para picarnos, los muy cabrones; sobre todo cuando se te ponen en la oreja. Y el día llegó. Ya era hora, pensaban los que celebraron la noticia -la celebraron mucho, aunque todos los años anteriores vivieran en silencio y sin decir ni mú en contra de Franco porque valía más la pena estar calladitos que hablar y mantenerte fiel a tus ideales en contra de cualquier dictadura, en este caso de la Franco, y no sólo mantenerte fiel en silencio, sino manifestándolo en público- cuando Arias Navarro apareció en la televisión (¡en aquel entonces sólo había un puñetero canal de televisión!) anunciando que Franco había muerto. Y casi se nos muere el propio Arias Navarro en directo al informar acerca del fallecimiento del Caudillo. Y aquí llega una situación que podría suceder todos los días: la muerte de Franco. ¿Se imaginan que todos los días muriese Franco, pero al mismo tiempo que todos los días no fuesen 20 de noviembre de 1975, sino que el tiempo siguiera su discurso habitual? ¿Se imaginan que mañana, 21 de noviembre del 2009, muriese de nuevo Francisco Franco, pero que no dejase de ser 21 de noviembre del 2009, y mañana lo mismo, y pasado mañana igual, y al otro también? ¿Se imaginan que Francisco Franco quedase encerrado en bucle espacio-temporal durante el resto de la eternidad en el que muriese todos los días? Sería muy bonito vivirlo, no tanto para él como para los que detestamos a los dictadores como Franco.

La diferencia con la película de Bill Murray es que Franco no podría aprovechar cada día de la marmota para mejorar lo del día anterior, porque acabaría siempre igual: muriendo. Es una idea un poco macabra, hay que reconocerlo, pero de esta manera sufriría en sus carnes lo mismo que sufrieron todas las personas asesinadas por orden suya, asesinada por tener unas ideas que no eran dictatoriales como la suya, asesinadas por ser de izquierdas, asesinados por ser republicanos (sin que esto quiera decir que se defienda todo lo que hizo la República, porque se equivocaron mucho y fueron tan violentos como los falangistas, franquistas, cedistas… que participaron en la Guerra Civil, porque en cualquier guerra hay vencedores y vencidos, y todos ellos matan antes de que les maten).

Si esto que algunos se pueden imaginar se cumpliera significaría que Franco viviría muriendo eternamente en su particular día de la marmota. No hay que apenarse por el sufrimiento anterior a la muerte de cualquier dictador, no se lo merecen. Y como Franco no murió asesinado, desde estas líneas no se aboga por la violencia, nunca se ha hecho y nunca se hará. Fue el paso del tiempo, la naturaleza humana, la mortalidad inherente al ser humano, la que acabó con Franco; así que no hay asesinos, no se premia a ningún asesino que empuñara un arma con el que mató a Franco, porque sería un asesinato más, como otros tantos, y no se puede justificar nunca un asesinato por una idea concreta, porque entonces justificaríamos los asesinatos de las Cruzadas, los asesinatos del stalinismo, los asesinatos de la dictadura de Pinochet, los asesinatos del franquismo, los asesinatos de los republicanos, los asesinatos del nazismo, los asesinatos del fascismo italiano, los asesinatos del Rey de Bélgica, Leopoldo II en El Congo, los asesinatos de ETA, los asesinatos de la camorra italiana, los asesinatos del felipismo, los asesinatos de los periodistas rusos críticos con el gobierno de Vladimir Putin, los asesinatos del comunismo chino, los asesinatos estatales de EE.UU. (pena de muerte)… y nunca debemos defender ni justificar ningún asesinato. Jamás.

Otra cosa es pensar en que un dictador que ha hecho sufrir a miles y miles de personas (no tantas como las que sufrieron por culpa del nazismo o del stalinismo) sufra de igual manera por una enfermedad que lo mató. No es desearle la muerte, sólo elucubrar sobre la posibilidad de que un dictador no se vaya de rositas y ya que no se debe desear que nadie sea asesinado, sí al menos pensar que hay algún tipo de justicia. Franco murió en la cama, y por su culpa muchos murieron de madrugada en una cuneta y están enterrados en fosas comunes, mientras él fue enterrado con todos los honores posibles en el Valle de los Caídos.

Así que todo el sufrimiento que pudiese sufrir Franco en su lecho de muerte es poco. Una muerte sin dolor para este tipo de dictadores es demasiado premio en los últimos momentos de sus vidas cuando ellos han provocado tantas muertes, tanto derramamiento de sangre, tanto dolor.

The Russian President has dismissed a key aide for apparent abuse of office in a move that marks the first serious split within the Kremlin since Dmitri Medvedev succeeded Vladimir Putin.

Mikhail Lesin, a media adviser and former minister, is the most senior official to leave the Medvedev administration.

In 2004 he was appointed a presidential adviser by Mr Putin — who is now the Prime Minister but still considered the real power in the land — and he was reappointed a week after Mr Medvedev took office in May last year. In a terse, one-line statement announcing the departure, the Kremlin said that Mr Lesin had been “relieved of his duties at his own request”.

However, Interfax news agency quoted a source within the Government as saying that he had been fired because he “disregarded the rules and ethical principles of civil service”.

The source added that Mr Lesin, who has extensive media business interests, had “engaged in abuse of office in resolving matters not connected with his official duties”. The Vedomosti newspaper said that Mr Medvedev had ordered Mr Lesin to be dismissed over conflicts of interest.

In his annual address to parliament last week, Mr Medvedev condemned corruption as a “social evil” that threatened Russia’s future and he pledged to sack officials who abused public office. Mr Lesin, 51, declined to comment on the reasons for his departure, saying that he was bound by “certain commitments”. He added: “I have no moral right to depart from those commitments.”

Analysts are waiting to see if this is an isolated decision or the start of a wider clear-out as Mr Medvedev seeks to flex his muscles and build his own Kremlin team to give him greater political independence from Mr Putin. The President inherited almost his entire staff from Mr Putin and has made no significant changes after 18 months in office. Most Russians expect him to stand aside at the next election in 2012 to allow Mr Putin to return to the Kremlin, but his state of the nation address, calling for urgent economic and political reform, was seen as coded criticism of his mentor.

Mr Lesin was a trusted figure under Mr Putin. He was Press and Television Minister throughout Mr Putin’s first term as President, when the Kremlin took almost total control of Russia’s media. He was a presidential adviser throughout Mr Putin’s second term. In 2002, a Russian media research centre described Mr Lesin as the “most influential personality of Russian television and radio”.

He also served under the former President, Boris Yeltsin, first as the Kremlin’s public relations chief and later as the deputy head of Russian state television and radio. He founded one of Russia’s leading TV advertising agencies in 1990 and organised commercial deals for the KVN comedy talent show, one of the country’s most popular programmes.

Mr Lesin was credited with the idea of establishing the state-funded 24-hour English-language news channel Russia Today. He said at the launch of the service four years ago that Russia had to polish its international image or “we’ll always look like bears”.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article6924110.ece

This was the European Union’s big moment. Finally after years of diplomatic wrangling, backroom deals and “No” votes from its citizens, the EU behemoth achieved what it always does. It pushed through a treaty that nobody really wanted but the leaders and the Eurocrats decided we all needed.

I write this as someone who spent an unhealthy amount of time at European summits, including the longest in history – at Nice. I would love to see the EU come up with treaties where they actually had the confidence to consult its 300 million citizens and listen to their decisions.

Leaving that aside for a moment, the idea of a “president” of Europe and a “foreign minister” was one of the most sensible parts of the Lisbon Treaty.  If the European Union wants to have a voice on the world stage as it always says it deserves then it needs to be taken seriously.

As US secretary of state Henry Kissinger famously said: “Whom do I call when I want to call Europe?

This was supposed to provide the answer.

In an age of personality driven politics and a 24-hour global media that requires a face to represent the organisation at international level and to be there when CNN or the BBC or Al Jazeera wants to hear from Europe there is someone to go to.

Yet tonight the EU failed to live up to this opportunity to choose the best “president” and best “foreign minister” for its people.

The combined egos of Angela Merkel and Nicholas Sarkozy have blocked the right choices.

Europe has plenty of talented politicians who have either proved they could do the job or have the potential to live up to the role. Tony Blair may be too much of an international statesman and brilliant communicator for Sarko/Merk and former Latvia president Vaira Vike-Freiberga would have been a formidable force who would have proved that eastern Europe is firmly part of the EU and a force to be reckoned with.

For the foreign policy job, Europe could have picked Chris Patten, former Swedish PM Carl Bildt and former Italian premier Massimo D’Alema.
So who did the Franco-German stitch up appoint to the two top jobs in the EU?

Well they have plenty in common. Neither has ever been elected at a national level. Neither has the experience to do the job. Neither has the charisma or credibility to be taken seriously on the world stage. Neither has any name recognition, barely within their home countries.
Herman van Rompuy, the new EU president was appointed as prime minister of Belgium less than a year ago. He has zero charisma, international experience or credibility.

Baroness Cathy Ashton, who I have dealt with in the past when she was a junior minister, has only been an EU commissioner for about a year, and was even suggested as too inexperienced to replace Peter Mandelson in the EU trade post when she was appointed by the Gordon Brown. In an interview this evening Cathy Ashton claimed her experience of other walks of life, and not foreign affairs, made her qualified for the biggest diplomatic job in the continent of Europe.
When there’s a crisis who is Hu Jintao, Barack Obama or Vladmir Putin going to call? Herman van Rompuy? No. Merkel, Sarkozy and Brown.
Just what they wanted. The status quo.

When there’s a crisis who is Secretary Hillary Clinton or UN secretary general Ban Ki-moon going to call? Cathy Ashton. No. Miliband, Guido Westerwelle and Bernard Kouchner.

Just what they wanted. The status quo.

This time last year America elected an outstanding president promising change.

This year Europe has appointed a low key bureaucrat who will guarantee that nothing changes.

Congressman Walter E. Fauntroy (1971-1990)

The congressional debate on health care reform and allegations of Russian regime-ordered killings were featured on today’s DC Update edition of My Technology Lawyer Radio.  

This week’s show hosted two courageous participants in events that helped shape our world.  The show is available via the link at www.MyTechnologyLawyer.com/update, which includes an archive of past shows.  Today’s guests were:

• The Rev. Walter E. Fauntroy, former Washington, DC Congressman (1971-1990), an advocate of expanded health care as a basic civil right, and an organizer of the 1963 March on Washington and the 1965 civil rights marches in Selma, Alabama.
• Steve LeVine, the Business Week Washington correspondent who drew on his 11 years work in the former Soviet Union to author the recently published Putin’s Labyrinth: Spies, Murder, and the Dark Heart of the New Russia.

Update is co-hosted by the show’s founder and business radio pioneer Scott Draughon and by Washington commentator Andrew Kreig.  The hosts began the show with an update on Washington policy news affecting the nation’s business, politics and quality of life.  Topics included new developments in the health care battle, and the faith-based business success of the Chic-fil-A restaurant chain.

The show’s first guest helped lead a unique town hall-style hearing on Oct. 27 whereby patients whose insurance had expired testified about their limited options under the nation’s health care system.  In view of a Harvard study estimating 45,000 Americans dying each year because of lack of coverage, Fauntroy argued that basic health care should be considered as civil right under reform legislation. 

The Oct. 27 hearing, including a video of Fauntroy’s eloquent remarks surveying the rise and fall of great nations, was summarized on Nov. 5 by Kreig in a Huffington Post article: “Fans Of House Health Option Cite Rights Hopes, But Risk Big Defeat.”

LeVine’s book Putin’s Labyrinth focuses upon the life-and-death struggles by Russian dissenters to the government dominated by Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.  LeVine described how six suspicious deaths in recent years of dissenters and others illustrate an alarming long-term pattern in Russian government.

Those patterns arguably continue with this week’s suspicious death in a Russian prison of Sergei Magnitsky, 37.   The prisoner was a Russian lawyer for the Hermitage Fund who had uncovered evidence of official involvement in the theft of $230 million from the government.  

LeVine’s book was originally published last year, and has been re-released in paperback with a new Afterword.

 About the Rev. Walter E. Fauntroy

Walter Edward Fauntroy, 76, is the retired pastor of the New Bethel Baptist Church in Washington, D.C. and a civil rights activist.  He is also a former member of the U.S. Congress.  He describes his life work as to advocate public policy that “declares Good News to the poor, that binds up the broken-hearted and sets at liberty them that are bound.”   A close friend of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Fauntroy helped organize the Alabama civil rights marches whose brutal disruption by police in March 1965 shocked the public and federal authorities into introducing the Voting Rights Act of 1965.  That law enabled widespread black voting in the Deep South for the first time since Reconstruction. 

About Steve LeVine and Putin’s Labyrinth

Steve LeVine covers foreign affairs for Business Week.  Previously, he was a correspondent for Central Asia and the Caucasus for The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times for 11 years.  His first book, The Oil and the Glory, a history of the former Soviet Union through the lens of oil, was published in October 2007. Putin’s Labyrinth, his new book, profiles Russia through the lives and deaths of six Russians. Details: www.oilandglory.com.

You’d never think this, but Russia has some pretty creative ways of dealing with their social dilemmas. Now most Russians are alcoholics or addicts and… OK, just kidding, but there are widespread problems of substance abuse in Russia today. But this clip showing the political godfather of Russia giving music, and specifically hip hop its rightful place in the social therapy discussion will change the way Russians look at rap music. By attending the final stage of the government-run “Battle for Respect: Start It Today” competition, Vladimir Putin gave rap music one of its biggest endorsements ever. Putin even went on to dismiss the notion that rock or dance music are socially in tune, peep the following quote from Gangster # 1:

“I do not think that the ‘top-rock’ or ‘floor-rock’ break dance technique is compatible with alcohol or drugs,” rap “is kind of rough” and “has a social message dealing with the problems of the young”

Ha, spoken like a true Public Enemy fan. I love Putin’s unapologetic nationalism, an example of that was his dig on U.S. hip hop in comparison to Russian, saying that “Russian charm” was a positive addition to the genre. Check out last year’s charming winner of the competition, Ant, who is blowing up in Russia, like Chechnyans.

So you’re at your local rap battle and who is standing with you in the front row? None other than the leader of your country and a major figure on the political stage, Vladimir Putin.

Thats right, Russia’s Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin, attended a musical program, which was sponsored by the Russian government to promote a healthy life-style among teenagers.  The hip-hop “Battle for Respect” was televised on the Russian equivalent of MTV, called Muz-TV. And our good pal, Vlad, was getting some of the illest respect.

I can call him “Vlad,”. Right? I don’t want to sound like an uncultured stereotyping individual or anything, but I only know one Vladimir. It comes in a bottle. And it happens to be vodka…

Which would be appropriate, because you’re probably more likely to see Vladimir Vodka rather than Vladimir Putin at a hip-hop battle. Snoop Dogg had his “gin and juice”, Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs has his own brand of vodka, and Russia? Well, they’ll just have to settle for Putin because Vladimir Vodka is actually a proud product of the U.S.A. But today the misconception stands corrected and now we know that the dopest leader is Putin.

Now the video, you’ve all been waiting for wrapped with an appropriate message about the abuses of drugs and alcohol. Let’s not forget he’s still an ex-KGB gangster. Guns don’t kill people, Putin does.

Putin in da house? He’s tracked Siberian tigers wearing military camouflage, sat in the cockpit of a fighter jet, and shown off black-belt judo moves. He’s even produced bare-chested photos of himself riding horses and fishing in the great outdoors to remind the Russian people how strong their leader is. But, unfortunately that PR campaign backfired and only succeeded in making him quite the internet sensation and somewhat of a gay icon.

Now Vladimir Putin is adding another groove to his tough guy persona: hip hop idol. Many critics called Putin’s appearance a “desperate step” motivated by his sagging ratings. But, as the video suggests he’s getting mad respect from the youth of Russia along with the musical artists they idolize and his approval ratings are back up after his message for the youngsters.

If showing up to a pop-culture event is all it took Putin to get his approval ratings back up amongst the biting, hard-edged Russian populous, then what else will politicians do for approval? Maybe President Barack Obama could take a lesson from Putin’s playbook? Surely lobbying for human rights and trade in CHINA isn’t helping here on the home front.

20,000 jobs “created or saved”