Ever wonder what to do if you’re gone on a wild safari trip in Kenya, you’re having great sex, and just as you both climax (yes, like in the movies), you realize the condom broke?

Well, the bad news is that most likely you won’t just have a couple of Plan B pills just laying around. The good news? Princeton University has the answer for no matter where in the world you are. 

The “Emergency Contraception Website” allows you to search by country and then proceeds to tell you which drugs/ combination of drugs are available that are equivalent to a Plan B pill.

It’s wise to play it safe. But if times get hard, it’s good to know you have options.

XO

There was a recent article published in a Dubai based publication announcing the increased infertility of men in the UAE due to obesity, diabetes, smoking and stress.

Kudos to the UAE for a bit of nuance. So the UAE may have recently spoken loud and clear about the prohibition of sex on Dubai beaches (shame on you, you naughty English!), but hats off to the UAE for recognizing the fact that just because there is no baby, it’s not the wife’s fault.

That, by the way, is a very common taboo in Egypt. The politics of fertility in Egypt are deeply socially ingrained, and the wife often bears great burden to produce children- especially males. 

Ironically, I imagine the problem of male fertility is much more common in Egypt than Dubai. Half of these men can’t even get it up. Well, that’s why we have Viagra sandwiches at Cook Door. Eat up, boys!

So, yes, the whole world is talking about the financial crisis. Egyptians are feeling the pain too. Just yesterday an Egyptian man, who worked away his youth in Kuwait to invest money in the stock market, committed suicide. 

Thankfully, a Doha-based scholar has the answer we have all been searching for in the Arab world. And no… it’s not good sex– Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi has brilliantly suggested to replace capitalism with an Islamic market system. Islam and markets–I’m loving it. 

We have our own economic philosophy and system which others do not have. The collapse of the capitalist system, which is based on usury and securities rather than commodities in markets, shows us that it is undergoing a crisis and that our integrated Islamic philosophy, if properly understood and applied, can replace the Western capitalism.

…Well, now that we’ve sorted that problem out, let’s move on to other pressing topics like the female orgasm.

Although it’s nearly October, it’s still pretty warm here. And like any good expat living past the Cairo “honeymoon” period, my cultural sensitivity (especially towards perceptions of female modesty) lessens everyday.

In that spirit, I’ve decided that it’s too hot to cover up and that even when I wear hijab (it happens!), men still hit on me- so what’s the point? I don’t walk around in bikinis or anything. Just simple dresses that sometimes… (gasp!) show a bit of knee.

The response has been interesting. When they see me coming, some men simply look down as not to be poisoned by infidelness. Others stare. Then naturally there’s the, “aasl, aasl, wallahi ma sha alllllllllah!” (honey, honey, swear to God, may God be praised!)

…Anyway, the point is, I don’t think it’s much- or sometimes at all- any worse than when I’m wearing a short sleeve shirt and jeans. 

Well, then there are the freaks. Around six o’clock tonight, I was walking out of a pharmacy with my new imported Nivea lotion, and some man shouted really really loud (in Arabic) out of nowhere: “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!” So loud that it overpowered my jammin’ Jenny Lewis track on my iPod. 

And the way he said it, it was like in grammar school, when Kid A pushes Kid B and Kid B retaliates. He was Kid B. He was actually offended. 

Anyway, I hear that there are loads of virgins with huge asses in Islamic heaven, so maybe I should try a little harder to get there.

Walking in the streets of downtown Cairo as a woman- it’s no easy, fun thing. It’s not that bad all the time. But when it’s bad, it’s bad. 

There’s the random ass grabbing, the taking-off-of-the-sunglasses “I’m checking you out” stares, the dirty talk ( “hey honey/ slut/ sexy,” “how much do you want?”), then there’s the “I want to talk dirty but I don’t want to lose face because I’m a good Muslim” talk (“Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! Ma sha Allah!!”)… the police officers putting their sticks between your legs (happened to a friend of mine in Tahrir square!), following you/ running in front of you, throwing things in front of you/ at you to get your attention… et cetera et cetera et cetera

The worst is when men pretend like they’re going to run you over (swerve their car into you) to grab your attention/ see your face and then they move at the last second. Men (and boys!) on bicycles do the same, usually by creeping up from behind and coming so close to you that you jump.

There are so many ways boys/ men ages 12-50 men in Cairo make women feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, scared, humiliated, helpless and angry. 

Most of us just put our headphones in, turn the volume all the way up on the iPod, look down and hope for the best. But let’s be honest, it gets to a point when we too want to fight back and stop being so pathetically defenseless.

So I was thinking, I could just sulk about it… Or! I could throw eggs!

That’s right! Eggs! I recently had this idea that eggs are the best way to deal with sexual harassment in Cairo. Why?

(1) They fit in your purse.

(2) They’re not heavy so you can throw them at cars, people on bicycles or you can just crack them on some one right next to you.

(3) The men will actually start to feel as gross as they actually are. 

(4) I want to see the initial shock on their faces when the egg cracks.

(5) I’m clearly going a little insane over this and I need an outlet.

(6) In Cairo streets, if you’re alone, ain’t no one gonna help you but yourself. 

I realize that I sound kind of, well, chemically imbalanced or something. But if this sounds crazy to you, then you really don’t have any idea what it’s like sometimes.

Fact One: If McCain is elected, he will be the oldest President to be inaugurated into his first term.

Fact 2: McCain has a history of cancer.

Fact 3: Palin has served as governor of Alaska for less than two years. A little more than 20 months ago, Palin was the mayor of a small town outside of Anchorage. 

Fact 4: Palin has a vagina. 

Fact 5: McCain chose Palin, out of all eligible American Republicans, to be his running mate. 

I have nothing wrong with vaginas, but I have a big problem with Governor Palin as the Republican VP candidate. Sure, Palin has certainly turned the volume up on McCain’s campaign, but there is no way that Palin is ready to be the President of the US in the likely event that McCain croaks in the next four years. 

Governor Palin’s nomination as VP is a loud and desperate demonstration of McCain’s lack of confidence in the race. Politicians all across America, Republican and Democratic, are calling this VP nomination one of the biggest- if not the biggest- political risk in US election history. 

Can anyone honestly say that Palin would have been chosen if she were a man?? Imagine… A man with no large scale campaigning experience, no foreign policy experience and recently elevated from a post as a mayor? It’s absurd. It’s sexism. It’s a mockery of a US presidential election. And frankly, it’s insulting for women voters. After all, the Republican party does boast some successful and intelligent women!

And of course what must be mentioned: the Clinton vote. Palin’s recent appeal to Hillary supporters is really mind boggling. Unless I’m mistaken, two breasts, long(er) hair and a vagina weren’t the reasons why people were behind Hillary (well, ok, maybe some)… but the point is that Governor Palin and Senator Clinton are so distant on the political spectrum, I’m not sure why the McCain campaign would even venture into that territory. What was Clinton about? Ending the war in Iraq, universalizing health care… and some where in there was the guarantee for the protection of abortion rights. Three platforms that don’t relate in any way to Palin. 

How could McCain honestly believe that voters could make such a shift in political orientation. We’re pretty used to vaginas, they’re not that uncommon now, you know?

You may not know this, Senator McCain, seeing as how you don’t know how to text, but women are everywhere nowadays. It’s positively incredible! Bankers, lawyers, doctors, even the secretary of state is a woman!

Thanks for the bone, Senator. Still not interested.

Christian LOUBOUTIN

Fact: Every woman loves a pair of black strappy shoes. Sure, they’re a bit boring… Why not mix it up with a bit of color or a new shape? After all, a fantastic shoe is a fantastic shoe. But! There is something a bit wonderful about throwing on black heels, grabbing your keys and running out the door.

This evening, I was sitting in the reception of the Marriot waiting for some friends who are visiting from Geneva. Naturally, there is loads of eye candy for the keen observer in Zamalek’s Marriot- between the Saudis, the Gulfis, the disoriented American tourists and the uber chic Europeans, one could stay there sipping espresso for hours.

But let’s be honest, there are no people more amusing to people watch than the Gulfis. As the man came through the metal detector donning shorts and a t-shirt (and still managing to make it look expensive), his little woman came just a few feet behind him. Black niqab. Covered completely. Lots of eyeliner with just a peak of designer jeans and … what else? Black strappy evening shoes. Sexy, sexy strappy shoes. 

Now while many in the West might think that these women are oppressed because they are wearing three layers of clothes in 100+ degree weather, at least some of them have the right to choose… their shoes. And well, considering how many Euros they cost, they have one leg up on me.

Dr. Ashraf Metwally in Maadi was recently quoted in a Daily Egypt Star article saying, “There has definitely been a boom [in the Egyptian breast enlargement market].”

His evidence? Well, ten years ago he was only doing two surgeries per year and now he is at a whopping 45! …In a city of approximately 18 million, keep in mind.

But tisk, tisk, tisk. It all comes back to the evil WEST. “Surgeries for beautification are in vogue today as a result of the materialistic pattern of Western civilization,” says Sheikh Yusuf.

A girl called Amal is cited in the article as saying that her parents and friends were supportive of her decision for larger breasts.

Dr. Metwally explained, “I believe more and more people will undergo plastic surgery in the years to come as it becomes more acceptable.” So.. that will be what? 60 people next year? Ya salaam…

Finally Amal pondered, “If you think about it, it’s such an easy almost magical solution to any problem one might have.”

United we stand! Breasts for everyone!

From the outsider’s perspective, Cairo can be a boring, traditional and grey metropolis where if you don’t pay attention, you just might get run over by a taxi. But I’m noticing more and more that Cairo has become more cosmopolitan than it was when I lived here over a year ago.

Last night, I went to City Stars with my fantastic Syrian friend, Danny. City Stars (Mall). And to my wonderful surprise, a million new fantastic stores just opened (note: by fantastic, I mean that this is Cairo where pickings are ridiculously slim…until now): H&M. LaCoste. French Connection. Bebe. A new Vero Moda (so now there are two). The Body Shop. Starbucks. Rainforest Cafe. Johnny Rockets… Nine West! I can’t even remember the rest because I was in so much shock and practically about to orgasm at the sight of clothes that weren’t absolutely hideous. 

Danny and I tried on silly hats at H&M, we used just about every tester at The Body Shop, we flirted shamelessly with the cute boys at French Connection. And suddenly, life from downtown Tahrir seemed a million kilometers away.

Today on my lunch break, I went to a Saudi supermarket close to the office to pick up some grub, and I was shocked to see so many Betty Crocker products- brownies, cookies, muffins. I remember when instant brownie mix used to be a delicacy, reserved for those recently arrived from the US. And now, it’s here, in a tiny little store grocer on nowhere street Zamalek!

And then there is the …S-E-X. It’s true, Cairo has sex. It’s always had sex. But there seems to be a lot more sex than usual. It’s everywhere, everyone is having it, everyone is talking about it. From an Egyptian friend who is writing a novel about porn to my close gay friends describing their sex adventures in Cairo to my dear blogger friend whom I recently visited and watched the film “Young People Fucking” with… And let’s not forget the endless string of house parties and bar activities.

The Body Shop. Betty Crocker Brownie Mix. Hot gay sex. Is this Cairo or New Jersey?

So to celebrate my newly found Cairo Cosmopolitan, I decided to wear my new short sleeve Mango dress that goes slightly above my knee. I know… it’s crazy!

Knotty But Nice, Ghada Amer, 2005

A Kiss On Yellow Paper, Ghada Amer

While not as fantastic as in person, I have often thought of this exhibit since I saw it last winter. Ghada Amer, Egyptian-born/ raised in France/ residing in America, is a contemporary feminist artist who combines several forms of media with the theme of gender perception of women. Her often erotic motifs (look closely at the first piece, or simply Google Image her name) are wonderfully combined with a sewing medium used to symbolize a historically female artistic device. 

I really encourage you to check out her other pieces online. There are some pieces that combine Disney princesses and oral sex (see “And the Beast,” 2004). Somehow I can’t describe it, but it makes her point perfectly clear. 

http://www.brooklynmuseum.org/exhibitions/ghada_amer/

Australian doctors are arguing that the recent craze over cosmetic vagina surgery might start a trend that “exploits vulnerable women” who have insecurities about the shape of their vaginas.

The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists said procedures being offered included “vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification.”

But at $10,000 a pop (no pun intended), don’t you think that’s a pretty large sum to pay for vagina vanity?

Full article: 

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iy9oj4mONL6xCwJ6FyQ07SYaK0Bg

An article was published today in the Associated Press about how female circumcision rates are going down in Egypt through a “grass-roots effort.”

Women in rural areas are apparently speaking out against the physical danger of the procedure itself and its psychological effects on the girls as they transcend into adulthood. Still, cultural stigmas that the clitoris causes women to have uncontrollable sexual desires and makes them immoral prevail. 

The article cited a predication that in the next decade, about 63% Egyptian girls 9 years old and under will be circumcised, which is a large drop from an older statistic of about 96%. 

Full article: http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gfQhZby6ngSnCO14-pEMD-9l15RwD92ATQA00