Aahhhh!! Take a breath at this festive time and a sip of the local ale, sit back and rejoice in a sport that has nothing whatsoever to do with a Mr. Woods and his wood. Not to say that footballers are saints; lager, girls, WAGS, hags, fights and speeding tickets are all but the staple diet of many a Premiership, and aspiring Premiership, player these days. But for now, let’s focus of the sport of kings itself, rather than off pitch exploits.

So the ink is all but dry on the contract that brings dainty little Landon Donovan over to Everton. He will become an
honorary Scouser from January until mid March. Going to be a shock to his system playing at Goodison, certainly not the
sun kissed hills of LA; he’ll get the lumps kicked out of him in the freezing rain. A bit of hard graft never hurt
anyone, might even make a man of him??

The wonderful country of Honduras brought us a peach of a goal last weekend in the Premiership courtesy of Mayor
Figueroa. The mighty Wigan were bumbling along against Stoke when an innocuous free kick occurred. As the players
picked themselves up and the ball lay dead, still five yards inside the Wigan half, Figueroa spied goalkeeper Sorensen
off his line. He nonchalantly hit the ball and it carried 60 yards over the outstretched keeper. Bingo, route one!

It’s tighter than you think at the top of the Premiership with five teams within ten points of each other and Arsenal
with a game in hand. Especially over the hectic Christmas period, it will be interesting to see how the flurry of games
will affect the standings. With games on December 19/ 20th, Boxing Day (a Victorian invention you Yanks may not be
familiar with), plus the 28/ 29 and 30th; there a numerous opportunities for points to be picked up or dropped. Then
the January transfer window opens, with many clubs looking to bolster there injury stricken clubs: fun times ahead kids!

Finally, raise a glass to the fine Mr. Ryan Giggs!! Although I am not a fan of United, Giggs has been, and still is a
truly gifted, special player. At 36, Giggs just signed a year extension to his contract that will keep him at Old
Trafford until June 2011. Having started his career back in ’91, he has played over 800 games for the club, and with 11
Premiership titles and 2 European Cups under his belt, he proves that there is life in the old dog yet; an inspiration
to all us old blokes! He recently won the BBC’s prestigious Sport Personality of the Year Award, not bad for a bloke
from Wales!

Ryan Giggs, the Tim Wakefield of English Sport...

[[Editors Note: to learn more about Ryan Giggs, hear the man himself talk about his own legacy of longevity, and if nothing else, to remind yourself of just how beautiful the British General Public is (see also: sarcasm), check out this BBC awards show clip here!]]

This weeks predictions:

Portsmouth V Liverpool

Liverpool romped back to winning ways last Saturday and again midweek against Wigan, with Torres back in the side and on the score sheet. Portsmouth had a good close game at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday and are a better side than they admit, even to themselves and despite the financial chaos that currently surrounds them. However, I think Liverpool are going to win at Portsmouth, they have a renewed sense of confidence.
Prediction: Portsmouth 1 – 2 Liverpool

Aston Villa V Stoke City
Villa are playing some great football at present, the like of which helped them overcome Man Utd last week. Stoke
aren’t a walk-over by any means, but Martyn O’Neill’s formula has given Villa an unbeaten run of six games. It will
continue.
Prediction: Aston Villa 3 – 1 Stoke City

Blackburn V Tottenham

Blackburn are tough, especially at home, and will give Tottenham a work out at Ewood Park. Tottenham are on song and passing the ball with ease, Lennon gives them such pace on the wing. Spurs will edge it.
Prediction: Blackburn 1 – 2 Tottenham

Fulham V Man Utd

Craven Cottage is difficult for visitors. Fulham have been scoring frequently of late, Bobby Zamora has stepped up and
although they are playing Utd, I think they will cause them problems. Both teams can score, but I think a draw is on
the cards.
Prediction: Fulham 2 – 2 Man Utd

Arsenal V Hull City

Arsenal at the Emirates, job done. They are just too strong for Hull. This could be a walk-over.
Prediction: Arsenal 4 – 1 Hull City

Everton V Birmingham City

Birmingham are seventh in the Premiership, a position that would surprise most. McLeish has done well, but I don’t
think they have the talent or depth to continue this kind of form throughout the season. Everton have been looking
strong and although they have drawn the last two league matches, they will edge this one.
Prediction: Everton 2 – 1 Birmingham

Baltimore just signed Gonzo for two years and $12 mil, a pretty reasonable contract. If Wagner’s option vests, the Braves will pay him $13.25 million over the next two years. Gonzo was inconsistent last year, but over the season’s last two months he allowed just 16 hits and four earned runs in 27+ innings. And he’s seven years younger than Wagner.

Thoughts?

–CB

David Davis

African Pygmy Hedgehogs apparently are the “latest fashion accessory for WAGS”. This is good news for Pygmy Hedgehogs, whose population will now increase.

They are probably less emotionally-demandng than dogs, may be easily housetrainable, and will require less socialising and exercising: all characteristics which will suit the modern celebrity lifestyle.

..and I won't even poo on The Ivy's tables...

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next!

Sometimes, when you sit down and look at what is going on around you, you can’t help but think the world is heading down the spout at a faster rate than you first thought.  That pisses me off.  We’re allegedly the most intelligent species on the planet yet we dream up concepts such as religion, money and politics to complicate every single decision and action we carry out on a daily basis.

But it doesn’t just stop there.  There’s large portions of society who are so grumpy, fed up and annoyed at their own upbringing or existence, they feel the need to justify it by making everyone else miserable.  No, not traffic wardens but killjoys.  They don’t know where to get off.

The very worst kind are those who are completely devoid of all sense of humour or social interaction and feel life is one big checklist they have to tick off every day and everything else is just a burden or hinderance to them.  The ones who feel we have to live in accordance to their existence otherwise you aren’t living at all.

This is where I take aim and fire at ‘PinkStinks’.  Quite possibly one of the most petty, pointless and pathetic campaigns I have ever encountered.  According to these Pankhurst wannabes, selling pink toys to girls ranks them out of ever getting a good job later on in life.  Essentially ladies, if you’ve played with a pink wendy house, My Little Pony or whatever else, you only aspire to be a WAG, Katie Price or a pop star.  You are obsessed with these types of people according to Emma and Abi Moore who set up this ‘campaign’.

Looking through the website defies belief.  The Early Learning Centre is apparently the root of all evils, and they seek to back up their barmy idea with research such as ‘Consumer Kids: How Big Business Is Grooming Our Children For Profit’.  They go as far as to tell parents who their daughters should see as role models.  So parents: In order for your daughter to grow up to be successful you must stifle their childhood and ability to think for themselves.  Deprive them of all individual choice, and thrust upon them a CD by Kellilicious, a Meryl Streep film (hmm, last I remember Mamma Mia! wasn’t a ‘must see’ for feminists) and point them in the direction of June Sarpong’s blog.  Otherwise THEY WILL FAIL IN LIFE.

Yep, if you don’t follow Pink Stinks life rules, your daughter is going to be orange, wear velour, want a pony and shag footballers.

Bullshit.

Are they seriously trying to convince us that every successful woman everywhere on the planet has only achieved what they have by shunning a colour and depriving themselves of a normal childhood?  Is there stats to back this claim up?  Oh wait I’ve found a PDF on there explaining all, silly me (too many blue toys as a child has made me stupid LIKE A BOY).

• “73% of girls use the internet every day” – Last time I checked, the internet wasn’t pink nor was it split into Boys Only and Girls Only sections.
• “The average child in the US,UK and Australia watches 20,000 – 40,000 TV ads a year” – And? If that has an adverse affect on channelling girls off towards liking ‘fairies’ and ‘princesses’ then why are boys being channelled off presumably to like robots, guns and footballs not being fussed over with a ‘Blue Stinks’ campaign?
• “70% of 3 year olds recognise the McDonald’s sign but 50% don’t know their own surname” – 70% of all 3 year olds aren’t girls, McDonald’s is not aimed specifically towards one gender, so what is your point?
• The average 10 year old recognises 400 brands – Which brands? I’m guessing generic ones like ‘Pepsi’ ‘Burger King’ etc, ones that don’t single out one gender for fear of alienating the other and losing potential revenue.
• Men’s weeklies have on average 70 pictures of women per issue, with around a third posing topless – Mute point.  Your argument is over kids here.  I’ve never seen a 5 year old boy ‘read’ Nuts or Zoo, nor should they.  Key words in this stat is ‘MEN’ and ‘WOMEN’ – adults, not children.

And it goes on and on.  My parents were laid back when I was a kid.  They’ve always been laid back.  They allowed me to make my own choices regarding what toys I wanted, what books I read, what music I liked etc.  They recognised that as a human being I’m an individual and should mould myself as such.  Same with my sister.  Did I dress all in blue as a result of what I saw on TV and she in pink?  Don’t be ridiculous.  Did we have differing tastes in what toys, books and music we liked?  Definitely.  Not only are we individual, but genetically in terms of male and female we are completely different.

Pink Stinks completely overlooks any form of science within it’s site.  Y’know, facts like how androgens in the womb develop ‘male’ brains and estrogens leads to the development of ‘female’ brains. (http://www.cerebromente.org.br/n11/mente/eisntein/cerebro-homens.html)

Overlooking things like how neuroscience has scientifically proven that there are differences between males and females in terms of thought, mannerisms, emotions and other things that develop through the course of someones life and steer them to think or behave in certain ways.  Science.  There’s a billion web pages on the net that back this up.  Not a pink A La Carte Kitchen or a Blue Transformer in sight.

Throwing random stats that can be applied to all children, or completely disregard children and take fire at men and women instead who have already forged their path through childhood and puberty (where lo, more changes occur in males and females in very different ways!) means absolutely zilch if you want to back a ridiculous campaign about boycotting a colour.

3000 people apparently support Pink Stinks. 3000 out of a planet of billions.  3000 to my mind BLINKERED people who think something as trivial as the colour of toys or clothes determines how their child is going to turn out later on in life.  The fact that is has got the backing of a Labour minister means ZERO.  Labour bods would back a lame horse in a race if it guarantees them a vote or two.  Girls who I went to school with who funnily enough liked all things Pink Stinks hates have gone on to do well for themselves.  Not one to my mind has grown to idolise or imitate Katie Price or Victoria Beckham or think their children should.  I also think they’d be pretty offended if someone told them the only reason they’d made a success of their life was because they hadn’t bought a particular toy as a child.

This is a stab at feminism that has gone completely wrong and just looks like something dreamed up on a whim.  It started out as a Facebook campaign for Christ’s sake.  That website in its very nature murders brain cells due to how pathetic it is with its pointless apps, games and so on and so forth.  Anyone can start a campaign on there for anything, and I just think this one started to believe its own hype and it has snowballed into a poorly researched, badly conveyed idea.

When women in South Africa are being dragged from their homes and raped to ‘re-educate’ them following them coming out as lesbians, and not to mention the numerous customs in various cultures around the world which put women as the inferior race rather than equal race, arguing the toss over a colour and how it affects the outcome on a person’s life is not only trivial, but completely and utterly pathetic and insignificant.  Oh and childish.

Pink Stinks – The Suffragettes you most definitely are not.

*UPDATE* Check out Lindsey’s post regarding the ridiculousness of Pink Stink at her  ThinkCherry Blog.

Alex Curran (aka Steven Gerrard’s lova) in British Vogue.

Wow. Just. Wow.

The toned down makeup and styling makes her look surreal. Porcelain doll-esque.

Stunning.

More pix after the jump.

xoxo,

L

Source: ONTD

Billy Wagner says all the right things and you can tell he means it.

“I’m happy to be here. I’ve always been a life-long Braves fans. My grandparents have always been Braves fans, and it’s kind of like full circle. I don’t know how many times I went to Bobby when were playing against him and said, ‘Hey, you know, let’s help me out here. Get me over here. I can do something, carry towels or something.’ ” …

“Listen, I mean, granted TBS and WGN were about all you could get in southwest Virgina. But when you truly love a team, you love a team through thick and thin. You know, around the era that I started to know baseball, it was through the thin with the Braves. So when you love somebody, you start to figure it out. And then when I got ito college in the early ’90s, they were making their run into the playoffs.

“Then once I got drafted, I helped them get further.”

Wags has bought himself a very long leash with this fan.

–CB

“I told Bobby I’d take the ball whenever he called down there.”

Nice hearing that from our new closer — BMF lost me when he asked out of the opener of that key series vs. the Phils. Billy Wagner, interviewed on the MLB Network Wednesday night, said the two things I most like to hear from a new Brave: 1.) They were my favorite team growing up and 2.) I wanted to play for Bobby.

–CB

Back in the days when my son was learning to read he would regale us with his newfound ability by reciting the names on storefronts as we cruised down the street.  One day, as we past the local “Pick ‘N Save” (as “Big Lots” was then known), he proudly pronounced the store’s moniker.

“Pick ‘N Save,” followed by, “that’s a funny name.”

After a brief moment of reflection he offered, “Pick ‘N Nose – now THAT’s a GOOD name!”

Shakespeare’s Juliet (of Romeo & Juliet fame) reflected, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Yeah, but if the rose had the name “Corpse Flower” (which actually is the name of a rare flower, which actually does emit the odor of rotting meat), how many people would want to smell it?

You’d never hear anyone say, “you have to take time to stop and smell the corpse flowers.”

Parents wouldn’t be naming their precious little girls after that particular flower.

Obviously, the choice of a name can enhance or detract from one’s perception of an entity.

In a previous life, I lived on the outskirts of the advertising industry for 20+ years. There I learned to appreciate the role an appropriate name plays in “branding” an entity or a product.  However, I have never seen an industry where the use of a play on words as a naming convention runs as rampant as in the grooming business. Don’t get me wrong, I have never backed away from a pun or a clever phrase spoken with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

But I can’t even count how many grooming shops sport names based on Central Park, Park Avenue or Bloomingdale’s Department Store in New York City. Or the title of Roy Roger’s theme song “Happy Trails.” (Don’t you dare ask “Roy who?”)

From the generic (such as laundromats and parking lots) to the famous (like Noah’s Ark of Biblical fame or the Queen of England’s residence, Buckingham Palace), all have been fair game for humorous appellations.

Paws, pets, pooches and puppies have all been pampered. All parts of the dog’s anatomy that you would care to mention at the family dining table, head, nose, whiskers, paws, claws and tail included, as well as those familiar canine vocalizations, “woof,” “bark,” and “ruff,” have been parodied and emblazoned on storefronts, business cards and web sites galore.

And what about that ubiquitous gesture of furry friendship, “wags?”

Oh yeah, we use WAGS, too.

You see, a while before I joined the family business, Ed, my father-in-law, asked me to rename his company. Now, I always assumed that creativity had rubbed off on me after so many years of close association with creative people. So, in an epiphany of self-proclaimed brilliance I thought: “well, wags is what a dog does . . . dogs get dirty . . . Ed sells dog shampoo . . . so WAGS could MEAN something!”

It was short and memorable, but it needed a purpose in life. With a little verbal crow barring, “West” and “Coast” became “Westcoast” and WAGS was born as an acronym for “Westcoast Animal Groomers Supply.”

Back to grooming shop names.

My affiliation with advertising was associated with movie marketing. Thus, in my humble, but biased opinion, some of the more clever shop names have been fashioned after titles of popular films:

“High Plains Clipper”

“Dirty Hairy’s”

“The Dogfather”

“Merri Puppins”

“The Wizard of Paws”

Here’s my personal favorite, “Indiana Bones and the Temple of Groom.”

However, there are also a lot of “plain wrap” names out there as well, like “Homer’s Grooming.” Not necessarily memorable . . . unless you’re a “Simpsons” fan.

Let’s face it. Some groomers just aren’t into “branding.” They think it is just for cows. And some customers merely select their groomer because they’re conveniently located.

But, if you wish to be more easily remembered, perhaps even with a chuckle, go ahead, use a punny name. Just be careful it isn’t such a stretch that customers are left scratching their heads as to its meaning.

Or that it doesn’t detract from the perception of your professionalism.

After all, Pick N Nose? Way too offensive.

And you surely don’t want to pick a name that stinks.

◊

Got a great name for a shop? Want to share it?

Leave a comment with your favorite shop name.

We”ll select our three favorites and award each of the winners a  FREE GALLON of a wonderful product with a great name: Wild Animal Don’t B’Itchin’ Shampoo – a $49.95 value!

This medicated, anti-itch formula is all-natural and safe for puppies, kittens and pregnant animals. Formulated with Aloe Vera, Balm Mint Extract, Oatmeal and Sage to soothe sensitive skin, Don’t B’Itchin’ Shampoo contains no irritating soap or detergent. It’s mild, pH balanced and biodegradable. Plus it dilutes 50:1!

Don’t delay – offer expires January 31, 2010.

So footballers’ wives do have some dignity after all.

Take Teresa Enke, the widow of German international goalkeeper Robert who confronted the media to explain the suicide of her husband earlier this week.

Teresa’s performance was brave and heart-rending. She spoke with solemnity about how her husband had been battling depression brought on by family tragedy. 

Enke took his life after fearing that his adopted daughter would be taken from the couple by authorities if his illness became known. He had also struggled to cope with the death of their biological daughter Lara, who died at the age of two in 2006 of a rare heart condition.

Enke, 32, walked into the path of a train near his home in Hannover having left a suicide letter in which he apologised for hiding the condition of his mental state.

Teresa, dressed all in black and fighting her emotions, said: “I tried to be there for him, said that football is not everything. There are many beautiful things in life. It is not hopeless. We had Lara, we have Leila.

“I always wanted to help him to get through it. He didn’t want it to come out because of fear. He was scared of losing Leila. It is the fear of what people will think when you have a child and the father suffers from depression. I always said to him that that is not a problem.”

She continued: “When he was acutely depressed, then that was a tough time. That is clear because he thought there was no hope of a recovery on the horizon for him.

“After Lara’s death everything drew us closer together, we thought that we would achieve everything. I tried to tell him that there is always a solution. I drove to training with him. I wanted to help him to get through it.”

Enke was hit by a train travelling at 100mph as it passed through a level crossing on its route between Hamburg and Bremen.

He could be proud of the manner in which his wife brought distinction to his memory.

English WAGs please note.

Last week, Hideki Matsui was the World Series MVP and a halfman nominee.  When we did our story on Matsui we found that nobody had seen what his life looked like, but there were plenty of pictures of the other players wives and girlfriends, they’re not what I’d call ugly.  It got us thinking, what sport has the hottest wives and girlfriends, or WAG’s as they’re called?

We started looking at NBA players wives and girlfriends, because let’s be honest, Mrs. Parker is looking good andMarko Jaric has Adriana Lima.  How Jaric got Lima I have no idea, but if the guy wants to start giving classes on how to get women I’ll be first in line, no matter the cost.  While the top NBA WAG’s are amazing their talent pool doesn’t have as much depth as another sport.

After we looked into NBA WAG’s we turned our attention to the NFL WAG’s and we found out that Jeff Garcia gives men everywhere hope with his lady friend, Carmella Decesare.  The NFL does have Gisele and a few other good looking women to back a claim that they are the best looking WAG’s, but they aren’t the winner here at HMHD.

The distinction of best WAG’s at HMHD goes to soccer or football as they call it everywhere else and it’s a landslide my friends.  I thought soccer was a communist sport, but now I can see why the rest of the world seems to like the sport, the girls.  Every other sport had a top ten WAG’s and ten is nice, but how about a top 100 because that is what we found when we looked at soccer,  the top 100 footballer’s WAG’s.  After seeing these WAG’s I have been working on my soccer ball handling skills and every time I score a goal I’ve been ripping my shirt off.  Since I’ve been training hard, I never lose at FIFA 10 on my PS3, I figure Abigail Clancy will be dumping Peter Crouch for me pretty soon.

At the weekend one of my U16 players was acting strangely. Cocky was an understatement. All acting up and lippy “I’m not being subbed today!” Messing about during the warm-ups I was getting annoyed with him until one of the other boys told me his girlfriend was watching.

When the match kicked off I couldn’t see him in his usual position… he was running up front desperate to score. Considering he was a defensive midfielder it was causing problems to the team. All the other players started moaning at him to get in to position but he wouldn’t come back.

Eventually I had to take him off and get him to calm down. He got a ribbing from the other boys but he didn’t seem to care. I let him go back on later but the same thing happened.

No wonder Fabio has told the England players to leave the WAGs at home.
And what about Katy Perry at the recent MTV Europe Music Awards in Berlin dressing up in a West Ham to embarrass her boyfriend Russell Brand: