If you work in a restaurant that has an extensive wine list, you might consider starting an in-house “wine club”. Waiters can chip in X-amount each “meeting” to purchase several wines off of the list for comparison tasting. You might be able to buy the bottles directly from your own stock at cost, but this could also be against local regulations, so this is something that you’ll have to check out with your management.

It doesn’t have to be a formal thing. But if you get a few waiters together who have the interest in trying as many wines off of the list as you can, you work your way through a lot of the list at little cost to each person. Remember, this is going to be a tasting thing, so even a $100 bottle (a $200 – 250 wine list price in most restaurants) split between 10 people is still just $10. A third/fourth of a glass of something in that price range is a bargain. And how often are you going to get the chance to taste something like that? And think about doing three or four $30 bottles ($75 – $90 wine list price). That would be a nice, informative tasting for a few bucks, especially if you stay in a certain category or flight.

The problem with doing this is just doing it. It’s hard to get people together with the schedules that we all work, and we waiters can be notoriously flighty as well. You have to be careful doing it on a day where people will be working afterward. You have to make sure that on days like this, it doesn’t degenerate into a drink fest. If you can convince your management that you will treat it as their normal tastings done during pre-shift, you’ll have a better chance of getting management’s blessing and you might even get management to help out with an occasional bottle that they were planning on using for tasting anyway.

You don’t want to get too structured with this. Stay flexible. Just figure out which wines you want to taste, make sure that you can get them either from the restaurant or from a retailer (yes, you’ll pay more but the cost is still spread out over multiple people).  Then you simply find out how many people can commit to coming, divide the cost by that number and get the money. The closer you do this to each session, the better chance you’ll have to avoid people who pre-pay but then don’t show and want their money back. In fact, this should be part of the “agreement” – once you’ve paid, it’s your responsibility to show.

You don’t have to have a set number of people. In fact, any waiter of legal age should be able to “opt-in” anytime they want. The more people who get involved each time, the lower the costs and the more different wines you can taste. You might even do a really high-end wine every once in a while. I know I would gladly pay $20 to taste a recent vintage Latour or Shafer Hillside select. Those are wines that few waiters ever get to taste and tasting wines of that caliber give another frame of reference.

Heck, if it’s successful, you might even get your liquor reps to occasionally throw in wines of their own portfolio.

It’s worth thinking about doing, especially if you’re serious about selling wine. Even if you only make it happen a few times a year, that’s that many more bottles that you’ll get to taste.

20 Secrets your Waiter will Never Tell You

Reader’s Digest gets the scoop on what’s really going on in restaurants

What would two dozen servers from across the country tell you if they could get away with it? Well, for starters, when to go out, what not to order, what really happens behind the kitchen’s swinging doors, and what they think of you and your tips. Here, from a group that clears a median $8.01 an hour in wages and tips, a few revelations that aren’t on any menu.

What we lie about
1. We’re not allowed to tell our customers we don’t like a dish. So if you ask your server how something is and she says, “It’s one of our most popular dishes,” chances are she doesn’t like it.
—Waitress at a well-known pizza chain

2. On Christmas Day, when people ask why I’m there, I might say, “My sister’s been in the hospital,” or, “My brother’s off to war, so we’re celebrating when he gets back.” Then I rake in the tips.
—Chris, a New York City waiter and the founder of bitterwaitress.com

3. If you’re looking for your waiter and another waiter tells you he’s getting something out of the stockroom, you can bet he’s out back having a quick smoke.
—Charlie Kondek, former waiter at a Denny’s in Central Michigan

4. If someone orders a frozen drink that’s annoying to make, I’ll say, “Oh, we’re out. Sorry!” when really I just don’t want to make it. But if you order water instead of another drink, suddenly we do have what you originally wanted because I don’t want to lose your drink on the bill.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan

What you don’t want to know
5. When I was at one bakery restaurant, they used to make this really yummy peach cobbler in a big tray. A lot of times, servers don’t have time to eat. So we all kept a fork in our aprons, and as we cruised through the kitchen, we’d stick our fork in the cobbler and take a bite. We’d use the same fork each time.

  
6. If you make a big fuss about sending your soup back because it’s not hot enough, we like to take your spoon and run it under really hot water, so when you put the hot spoon in your mouth, you’re going to get the impression — often the very painful impression — that your soup is indeed hot.
—Chris

7. I’ve seen some horrible things done to people’s food: steaks dropped on the floor, butter dipped in the dishwater.
—Waiter at a casual restaurant in the Chicago area

What you’re really swallowing
8. If your dessert says “homemade,” it probably is. But it might be homemade at a bakery three miles away.
—Charity Ohlund

9. I knew one guy — he was a real jerk — he’d go to Costco and buy this gigantic carrot cake for $10 and tell us to say it’s homemade. Then he sold it for $10 a slice.
—Steve Dublanica, veteran New York waiter and author of “Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip — Confessions of a Cynical Waiter”

What drives us crazy
10. Oh, you needed more water so badly, you had to snap or tap or whistle? I’ll be right back … in ten minutes.
—Charity Ohlund

11. We want you to enjoy yourself while you’re there eating, but when it’s over, you should go. Do you stay in the movie theater after the credits? No.
—Waiter at a casual restaurant in the Chicago area

12. My biggest pet peeve? When I walk up to a table of six or seven people and one person decides everyone needs water. I’m making a trip to deliver seven waters, and four or five of them never get touched.
—Judi Santana, a server for ten years

What we want you to know
13. Sometimes, if you’ve been especially nice to me, I’ll tell the bartender, “Give me a frozen margarita, and don’t put it in.” That totally gyps the company, but it helps me because you’ll give it back to me in tips, and the management won’t know the difference.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan

14. If you’re having a disagreement over dinner and all of a sudden other servers come by to refill your water or clear your plates, or you notice a server slowly refilling the salt and pepper shakers at the table next to yours, assume that we’re listening.
—Charity Ohlund

What tells us you’re trouble
15. I get this call all the time: “Is the chef there? This is so-and-so. I’m a good friend of his.” If you’re his good friend, you’d have his cell.
—Chris

16. The strangest thing I’ve seen lately? A man with a prosthetic arm asked me to coat check it because the table was a little bit crowded. He just removed his arm and handed it to me: “Can you take this?”
—Christopher Fehlinger

17. We always check the reservation book, scan the names, and hope for someone recognizable. I’m happy if the notes say something like “Previous number of reservations: 92.” If they say something like “First-time guest, celebrating Grandma’s 80th birthday, need two high chairs, split checks, gluten allergy,” then I start rummaging through my pockets for a crisp bill for the hostess and I make sure to tell her how much I love her hair fixed like that.
—Charity Ohlund

How to be a good customer
18. Use your waiter’s name. When I say, “Hi, my name is JR, and I’ll be taking care of you,” it’s great when you say, “Hi, JR. How are you doing tonight?” Then, the next time you go in, ask for that waiter. He may not remember you, but if you requested him, he’s going to give you really special service.
—JR, waiter at a fine-dining restaurant and author of the blog servernotslave.wordpress.com

19. Trust your waitress. Say something like “Hey, it’s our first time in. We want you to create an experience for us. Here’s our budget.” Your server will go crazy for you.
— Charity Ohlund

What you need to know about tipping
20. If you walk out with the slip you wrote the tip on and leave behind the blank one, the server gets nothing. It happens all the time, especially with people who’ve had a few bottles of wine.
—Judi Santana

msnbc.com Food & Wine

Well, back to business. I apologize for the delay in getting back to the things that matter most – relationship of a man deeply in love – but a relationship entails a physical and emotional connection; something that I cannot achieve with Catherine through the Internet.

Today her and I decided to go celebrate Sunday (for no particular reason – just the way we like it!) and made a visit to Koreatown. Ironically the Korean restaurant was shut down, as was the Japanese restaurant (middle of the day too) so we were left with the tried and true staples of every community including Koreatown – random Chinese restaurants.

Now the first one we ventured in was packed like sardines. Not good. Catherine decided, for the good of us both, to relinquish the wait and move to another restaurant. After a minute or two spent searching (these are Chinese restaurants so they are everywhere) we found one and went inside.

We sat down and proceeded to order. The food was fine – a bit bland and lacking in flavour and substance, but overall passable. Now, as is the norm, Catherine and I cannot keep our hands and lips off each other. The restaurant proved to be a convenient place to continue our tradition.

After a few shared kisses (which always feel amazing and a gift from above every time), Catherine noticed that the waitresses looked at us funny every time we kissed. Understandably, it is because we are an interracial couple, but that got me thinking – did our food (or at least mine, since I’m white) come with additional ingredients not written about on the menu?

I knew something was going wrong when the waitresses asked us if we needed forks. I am capable of using chopsticks, even though Catherine will disagree and make comparisons to a neanderthal using a lancet or playing the piano. But I can manage using chopsticks. But we politely declined and ate our meal using chopsticks.

As for the food? Did it come with ‘bonus’ ingredients and ‘Free – One Time Only!!!’ deals?

Well it’s been almost 12 hours and I’m still feeling fine. Perhaps the world is finally beginning to understand interracial relationships.

Well cats and kittens, it’s time to remind you that at the end of the month, the smart waiter takes a really close look at the uniform. Are the shoes on their last legs and are your pants cuffs starting to fray? How about those shirt collars – piling and stained from the sweat of your labors?

Now’s the time to cast a critical eye and renew your uniform so that you can look the best that you can – crisp and professional.

And now is the time to start setting next month’s goals. As we are approaching the end of the year, you should start working up more global goals for next year, whether it be not every waiting tables again and getting out at any cost, to increasing your earnings by X-amount or learning more about wine and spirits. Perhaps it might be working toward a higher-end restaurant. If you focus your goals to this, it can be achieved, even in these economic times. But you have to put the work in. Just remember, you have another year’s experience under your belt. That won’t hurt.

Treat the job as any professional would and you’ll go a long way.

Get access to your favorite waiter’s wine list where he or she works.

Establish a dollar amount that you want to spend for a gift.

Let’s say that you want to give them a $100 gift. Either buy multiple bottles whose retail prices total that amount, or buy one bottle that equals that amount. The first way gives them exposure to more of their wine list, bottles that they might not ever get to sample, and the latter gives them exposure one really nice bottle that they are unlikely to be able to try.

When you put together the gift package, a nice touch would be a description of the wine, taken either from the winemaker’s website’s tech sheet, or, even better, Wine Spectator’s capsule review. Wine Spectator has some reviews available on-line without a subscription, so you might be lucky and the wine might be reviewed. Failing that, you could always Google the name and you might come up with somebody’s review. If you do, copy it and print it up and paste it to a card which you enclose with the bottle/s.

Another nice touch would be providing a wine-appropriate Riedel glass for each wine. This will drive up the price of the gift, so calculate this into the amount that you want to spend. Riedels come in different price categories and each is specifically and scientifically designed for the type of wine. They start at about $8 a stem and go up to $100 a stem. Let’s say that you decide to go the high-end bottle route and you have $150 to spend, you might want to cap your bottle price at $50 and go with a glass from the Sommelier line. This is a very impressive glass, especially if you are getting a red wine glass. The “Bordeaux Grand Cru” is a huge hand-blown work of art. It’s a 30 oz. glass and it will set you back $100. Obviously, this would be a great gift on its own as well.

Riedel has a nice series for much less, the Vinum. You can get two glasses for around $60 (smaller glasses like Riesling or Chardonnay glasses are cheaper in both series). It’s a smaller, more manageable glass than the Grand Cru, more of an everyday glass (the Grand Cru is very fragile due to its size). If you are really on a budget, or want to put more of your gift money into the wine, Riedel has an even cheaper series, the Ouverture, which runs about $8 – $10 a glass. They are still better than most average glasses out there.

Spiegelau is another maker of nice crystal. They usually run a little less than Riedel but offer similar quality.

both brands have a new category of glass, the “tumbler”. Basically, it’s a flat-bottomed stemless wine glass. I actually have a set of these and they’re pretty cool. They’re good for drinking wine on the sofa. You can actually put them on the armrest, which you can’t really do safely with a stem.

There’s always the decanter route as well. A nice decanter can be a work of art. If you go to Amazon and search for decanters, you’ll see a wide variety, not only in style and shape, but in price as well. Obviously, Riedels can be expensive, but they too have some affordable models. Plan to spend anywhere from around $30 up to $150. I wouldn’t spend any less on a decanter sight unseen because you  really can’t be sure of the quality. Even at $30, you can get a decent quality lead crystal decanter.

Here’s one from Riedel for between $30 – $40. It’s a good visual example of what Riedel’s all about. It doesn’t look all swoopy and modern, in fact, it looks sort of ordinary and ungainly. Well, there’s a purpose to this. It’s a decanter designed for Burgundies (Pinot Noir). Pinots are notoriously fragile and normally don’t need to be decanted at all. A lot of aeration can actually do them harm. Aeration is the exposure to air that some big wines like Cabernet Sauvignon need to go from the bottle to consumption. This decanter minimizes this exposure by being tall and narrow, unlike other decanters which generally get very broad at the bottom to expose more of the wine to oxygen.

If your waiter friend actually keeps a lot of wine at home, something like this fancy wine opener from Metrokane, the Rabbit, might be just what the doctor ordered:

Runs about $50. 

Also, you can go the tabletop route with something like this “”Quest Products Connoisseur Vintner’s Reserve Tabletop Wine Opener, which runs in the $70 price range:

Of course, all of this assumes that your waiter friend drinks wine. You wouldn’t want to consider these gifts to anyone in recovery, now would you?

These fall under the “nice to have” category.

These days, few waiters are called upon to light cigarettes and cigars. In the old days, a lighter was an indispensible tool that every waiter carried. Even today, it’s considered a mandatory tool if only to light a candle on a birthday or anniversary dessert. Most waiters simply buy a Bic or other disposable lighter, but a nice refillable lighter is still considered a stylish gift. I’ve always like the Colibri brand and they have a wide variety of nice lighters. We’ll start with a pricey lighter, the appropriately named ”Tonino Lamborghini”. Here’s one that will remind you of a Miura from the ’60s, with its striking green color (and it’s $150 retail price):

Obviously, this is for those with deep pockets and champagne tastes.

Here’s the art deco/prairie style Aspire (for a more modest retail of $59):

For the sporty, outdoorsy type, here’s a rubberized yellow slicker colored “Jet 2″:

And, if you want to emphasize the “culinary” theme, here’s a flask-inspired model that’s priced right, the well-named “Flask (at $34.95):

Obviously, you can find cheaper lighters just about anywhere. Feel free to shop around. But I really like the Colibri brand. They are well-made and stylish. You can get single, double or even triple flamed models (the later great for the cigar smoker, but not necessary for the waiter). And you can find them at selected retail establishments at a discount.

Along the same line is the increasingly obsolete cigar accessory. They are obviously not obsolete for cigar smokers per se, but most waiters now work in smoke-free environments. If you know a waiter who works in an establishment like a private club or country club where smoking lounges are still found, you might consider something like this:

This is a well-made model, far better than the cheap plastic ones that you can pick up in cigar shops for $5. This one will set you back $24.95 retail.

Finally, we have the humble crumber. Most crumbers are aluminum metal affairs, but some are made of stainless steel (these hold up better). Some are painted, some are distributed with logos, some are bare metal. They vary in thickness. In many restaurants, especially those with tablecloths, they are a required item. They look something like this:

The thing about crumbers is that they are easily bent or lost and the pocket clips tend to fall off. They are pretty hard to find locally so waiters are always in need of extras. They usually cost between $1 and $3, although they are often given as liquor company promos with logos of famous wineries. This isn’t much more than a stocking stuffer type gift, and it should be given in quantity (5 is a good stock for a waiter to have available). Here’s a good source for them:

http://barsupplies.com/table-crumber-stainless-steel-p-2162.html?osCsid=r9tapme50soje2h66d5ub38rq2

But if you want to go a bit further, you might offer them this:

As you can see, it’s a variation on the Bissel manual sweeper that every waiter is familiar with. It’s bulky but it’s priced at a reasonable $6.95. I’ve never used one, so I can’t vouch for how well it works, so gifter beware!

http://crumbsweepers.com/index4.php

Here’s a more upscale and higher-priced version:

This will set you back $19.95 here:

http://www.thehomemarketplace.com/HomeMarketPlace/Shopping/ProductDetail.aspx?CID=Keep+It+Clean&SCID=Keep+It+Clean+Kitchen&ProductID=0000101371&SourceCode=50509000002&mr:referralID=26adacb0-dc49-11de-9b2c-000423bb4e79

And even more upscale at $36.33:

http://www.wasserstrom.com/restaurant-supplies-equipment/Product_442314?srccode=cii_9324560&cpncode=25-19250978-2

So, I hope that this gives you more ideas for a holiday gift for the waiter in your life.

DOWNLOAD Thoughts Of A Waiter

“Thoughts Of A Waiter” is my first free online-release. The ideas this album revolves around are ideas that I’ve always had in my head. Waiters and butlers to me are very interesting characters, for I see them as waiters and butlers before I even see them as people, so maybe there lies this interest I have with these people. I always wonder what a waiter thinks, how they feel about serving people, and all the small things they have to deal with everyday of their working lives. So it was August 2009, and I decided to finally make this album, I had sketches for some of these tracks already layed out, so the whole thing came together with ease. 

So yea, here it is a lot of people have already downloaded this, but if you haven’t you should! You’ve got nothing to lose, if you don’t like it delete it, it’s that easy.

-Beatcasso

Books.

Yes, I said books.

But not just any books.

You have to calibrate the type of book with your favorite waiter. If your waiter friend works at Applebees, they might not need a huge wine book. If you are only a casual friend who’s giving a small gift, you might not want to spend $30 for a really nice book, but you still want to find them something useful. And if you know that your particular waiter is a foodie, it makes it easier to choose a book that might pique his or her interest.

So I’m going to break this down into different categories. Almost everything you see here has been the subject of a short review right here on SYWTBAW. Just plug the name in and see a picture of the cover, snatch the ISBN and read a bit about the book.

Stocking Stuffer/Secret Santa/Casual acquaintance. These books are fairly inexpensive and useful in the day-to-day world of a waiter, no matter what kind of restaurant they work in:

The Food Lover’s Companion – Sharon Tyler Herbst – compact and comprehensive dictionary of culinary terms and ingredients.

Waiter Rant – The Waiter – now out in paperback, every waiter will appreciate this great collection of “stories from the front”.

Kitchen Confidential - Anthony Bourdain - it’s possible that your waiter friend already has this one, or has at least read it. An inside glimpse into the making of a chef and how restaurants really work. Long available in paperback.

Books for waiters with culinary pretensions. Some are pricey in any format:

Larousse Gastronomique - Considered a foundation book for foodies, chefs and anyone with an intense interest in classic cuisine.

The French Laundry Cookbook and Bouchon  – Thomas Keller – A pair of lavishly illustrated books that achieve the remarkable – equally at home on the coffee table or the prep table.

Jeremiah Tower Cooks – Jeremiah Tower – Another chef-written book, penned by a pioneer in modern American cuisine. Many of the recipes are practical and can be used in daily cooking. Has a beautiful coffee table cover but isn’t really a coffee table type book.

Splendid Soups and Sauces - James Peterson – Not one book but two different volumes. Foundation books for any level chef. If you really like your waiter friend, and you have deep pockets, presenting them as a set would be a grand gesture.

La Technique and La Methode – Jacques Pepin – Foundation books for any level chef. First written and published in the 70s, these practical “step-by-step” volumes helped spur on the increasing interest in fine cooking in the US. Can now be found as a combined volume.

If your gift recipient has a particular interest in a specific type of cuisine, it’s easy to use the Internet to find great books in any category. I have reviewed multiple books in Thai and Japanese cuisine. I can highly recommend any of those volumes. I have also reviewed quite a few barbeque and grilling/smoking books as well. 

Wine geeks/fine dining waiters/waiters moving up the employment food chain:

Wine for Dummies - Ed McCarthy, Mary Ewing-Mulligan – This book is perfect for waiters who are working in restaurants with fairly limited winelists or are young waiters who don’t have extensive personal experience with wine. It’s not a bad gift for more experienced waiters either because, as is the case with the “…For Dummies” series, a lot of information is covered in a breezy yet authoritative style. You can also find “…For Dummies” books in wine subcategories like Italian as well.

The World Atlas of Wine by Hugh Johnson and Jancis Robinson – This hefty and pricey tome is for the true wine geek. Filled with maps of famous vineyards and wine-growing areas, there are copious amounts of background info on regions, vintners and well-known properties.

An Encyclopedia of the Wines and Domaines of France – Clive Coates – a specialized volume for wine geeks and waiters who have extensive French wines on their restaurant’s wine list. Highly recommended.

Frank Stitt’s Southern Table – Recipes and Gracious Traditions From Highland Bar and Grill - Frank Stitt – This book could belong in the “culinary category” but I include it here because it kills two birds with one stone – it updates Southern cuisine with an emphasis on seasonal and locally procured products but it also pairs specific wine with specific dishes.

The Oxford Companion for Wine – Jancis Robinson – Written by a Master of Wine, this is a typically deep and broad Oxford reference work. Essential for any wine geek that doesn’t already have it.

I hesitate to recommend reference books from Robert Parker and the Wine Spectator. They are certainly handy but they are almost obsolete by the time they are published, especially Parker, who only updates his every few years. His books are designed more for the collector and purveyor, but even I have an older edition simply because it offers a very personal look at the various winemakers, gathered from years of personal barrel tastings and interaction with vintners large and small. As an alternative, you might want to give the wine geek waiter in your life an on-line subscription to The Wine Spectator or Robert Parker. In the case of The Wine Spectator, buying a subscription unlocks the entire wine database, offers mobile access (handy when you’re standing in front of rows and rows of wines), and allows you to keep track of wine collections or wines of note. The Robert Parker online subscription offers much the same thing. I’ve found both of them useful for getting very specific capsule reviews of the very wines on my wine list, which I have copied and pasted to handy guides that I maintain. This is very useful for finding the proper adjectives to describe specific wines to my guests. Robert Parker costs $99 a year and The Wine Spectator costs $49 a year. parker also offers short term subscriptions for $12for a month and $29 for 3 months.

https://w1.buysub.com/pubs/M5/WSO/Giftpage-form3-121807.jsp?cds_page_id=37712&cds_mag_code=WSO&id=1259337389570&lsid=93310955291018930&vid=2&cds_response_key=I9HWSGHP

https://www.erobertparker.com/subscriptions/SubscribeGiftWizard.aspx

Obviously this is just a short list of valuable resources. The more you know about the waiter that you are buying a gift for, the more appropriate a gift you can target. he internet offers a great way to search for very specific items and you can also find reviews from people like myself or at big sites like Amazon.com. I suggest that you provide the receipt in case your waiter already has the book that you have bought or would rather exchange it for a different book. 

Image courtesy of http://www.dreamstime.com/book-with-bow-imagefree4321885

After just having talked about commercialization and hoping to wait until midnight tonight to start confronting it, I break my own rule.

I do this because I recognize that today will be a day where fewer people than usual will be accessing this blog, and for good reason. There’s turkey to carve, canned cranberry substance to avoid, pecan pie to gorge on, and American football to watch with friends and family.

But I wanted to get a jump on tomorrow and offer some suggestions for holiday gifts for the waiter in your life.

So sue me.

I’ve discussed some of these things on the blog, but not in the context of gift-giving. We’ll discuss this topic over several upcoming posts.

First of all, we start with the supreme gift that a waiter can carry with them to work, a Laguiole corkscrew.

Let’s talk about this for a moment.

Laguiole is not a manufacturer, it’s a marketing term. It’s pronounced roughly, “la-jzoll”. It originally described a knife product produced in the village of Laguiole, but soon became a regional product and later described a visual style, which has been copied throughout the world, sometimes counterfeited outright and sometimes manufactured as a “Laguiole-styled” product. It’s distinguished by a long narrow body, usually sheathed in a premium hardwood, bone or fossil. While some models are straight, most have a gentle curve that falls naturally to hand. The knife portion is usually constructed of 440 surgical steel, and the components are precision milled and forged and hand-fitted to a tight, long-lasting fit.

The “true” brand has a specific mark - some call it a bee and some call it a fly. You decide:

Don’t be fooled. There are real Laguioles, “real” Laguioles, “Laguiole-styled” and counterfeit Laguioles. It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes, especially when you shop on-line. Sometimes they are similar to “Swiss-made”, “Swiss movement” and “Swiss engineered” watches. “Swiss made” watches, unless counterfeit, are actually made in Swiss factories. “Swiss movement”, “Swiss” and “Swiss engineered” watches are usually made in Chinese factories from Swiss parts and Swiss designed movements and are overseen by on-site Swiss engineers. The same is true of some “Laguiole” products.

Let’s put it this way – you need to spend at least $75 retail on a real basic Laguiole product. And nicer ones cost much more. I’ve seen the occasional corkscrew sold online NIB at about $50 but, never having bought one, I can’t speak to the craftsmanship. You can find them on eBay for even less, but you rarely can be assured of the provenance. However, if you use some common sense and careful observation of the pictures and the language of the listing, you can find a few real Laguioles between $25 – $60 on eBay (I just looked). 

 There are over 50 French factories making these products and, due to the handmade nature of the product, there’s probably some variation (one factory claims that only one person makes each knife from start to finish). Here are some classic Laguiole looks:

But a faux Laguiole might be appropriate if you’re buying a gift for a waiter like me who tends to misplace things like corkscrews, sunglasses and umbrellas. In fact, I have such a corkscrew. I bought it new on eBay for around 10 bucks. Has a rosewood handle and from a distance could be mistaken for a Laguiole. But it’s clear that the workmanship is only average at best. The wood on the handle has a loose, open grain and the corkscrew wobbles slightly from side-to-side. But in general, it’s a perfect corkscrew for me. Not so expensive that I have to fret about it and not so cheaply made that it won’t stand up to daily use (mine has been around for almost 2 years now, ironic for someone like me who probably has 2 other decent corkscrews hiding around the house and a couple that I’ve given to the parking lot god).

There is one downside to Laguiole that could be a deal-breaker for some waiters. Some waiters insist on a double-hinged lever.  This uses a stepped approach to cork pulling as the lever itself is longer than usual and is notched both at the end and also at a hinge which allows the waiter to use a two-pull approach. This is handy when you have a delicate or extra-long cork. Personally, while I find them convenient, I’ve never “needed” one. But I know some waiters who would never use a conventional lever because they’ve gotten used to the hinged type. It might be good to casually inspect your intended gift recipient’s current corkscrew, or find a way to ask about their preference without them knowing why you’re asking.

You don’t necessarily have to go with Laguiole. There are some nice “waiter’s friends” out there. Some are fancier than others. Some can be engraved. What you want to avoid is the cheap stamped pot-metal types like you find in the supermarket. Find something that’s made of stainless steel or with a wood handle. Something like this would be nice:

Pluses are hinged levers like you see in the above example, extra-long screws, teflon-coated screws, tight construction.

If your significant other isn’t a klutz like me, they will surely appreciate the gift of a really nice waiter’s friend corkscrew. Might as well spend a few bucks. If they are a klutz or are a more casual acquaintance, by all means be more modest in the type of corkscrew you pop for. But buy a nice one in whatever price range you choose. Look to eBay and other online sources of bargains. Or if you’re lucky enough to have a specialty cutlery store, you might find some nice imported models. Generally, the ones you see in department stores aren’t very good or are good but pedestrian.

So show your favorite waiter some love and get them a nice stocking stuffer this year. They’ll appreciate it. Makes a great Secret Santa gift as well…

Two recent blogs paired language, food service, and uptight etiquette, albeit from different angles.  I just love low-grade synchronicities like this, and I love language, and food, and deconstructing uptight etiquette … So, here they are, for you to love!

Over at TEStazyk.com, the grand issue of definite and indefinite articles is tackled, starting with the question: Why do we use “the” to refer to foods when ordering in a restaurant?

Claude Vordell, a former Applebees manager at TheAwl.com, responds to two separate appearances in the New York Times of inane peevishness about the phrase “no problem,” particularly when used by wait staff in lieu of “you’re welcome.”

Thanks for the links, you say?  No problem.

With more and more restaurants staying open for Thanksgiving, I hope the guests show a little extra thanks for those waiters who are pressed into service.

By a little extra thanks, I mean an especially generous tip along with a heartfelt thank you.

Thank you.

New York City cabdriver Oleg Roitman says his nickname is “The Human Computer.”  He asks his passengers – “Tell me the date of your birth and in less than a second I will tell you which day of the week you were born.”  To prove that his answers are correct, he carries a book with calendars from 1900 to 2020.  He says passengers often pay him double what the meter reads. 

Studies show that waiters can boost their tips from 10 to 100 percent by doing any of the following:

• Lightly touching the customer
• Smiling at the customer
• Squatting next to the table
• Introducing themselves by name
• Thanking them for dining there
• Forecasting good weather
• Drawing a smiley face on the check

Joanne and I invite my Eagles Club coaching clients to stay at our Sanctuary (pictured) as part of the coaching experience.  We share our morning tea and muffins with them and take them to dinner at some of our favorite restaurants.  It’s enjoyable for us to include them in our lives as the next season of that client’s career is being developed – and that little difference creates a memorable and often life-changing experience. 

What are you doing to create that “little difference” in your work and life?  An advanced degree may do nothing to separate you from the crowd.  But what could you do today to engage your customers, clients or co-workers in a way that they will never forget? 

Could that little difference double your income next year?

I wait tables for rent money. I’ve been doing it for a while, and I always get people telling me that I should get out sooner rather than later because if you stay in too long it will drive you mad.
I walked into work today, and stood next to my boss. A nice guy, aspiring pop-music artist, who has always been a good friend. But today, he helped me realize what eveyone’s been telling me about staying in the service industry for too long.
He looked at me and said “You know what, Eli? I think babies are cute, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.”
I stopped, jaw a-gape, and as he saw my face he said “Wait…is that how it goes?”
He’d made a failed attempt at a joke. The line should have read ‘I like babies, but I could never eat a whole one.’
Thank you, Mark Demy, for helping me realize that I need to get to playing music all the time in a fast way! Those upper-east side ladies are gonna have to find someone else to bring them their damn salads!

Working in the restaurant biz has definitely been an experience; not only for me but the millions of others who serve on a daily basis as well. For now, being a waitress is alright– it’s quick and easy money and not that hard of a job. HOWEVER, it comes with a lot of stress at times (especially to those who depend their financial lives on this job) and a lot of anger. Luckily for me, I don’t have any rent to pay so I don’t really get as upset as most would if I get completely stiffed from a table I worked my booty off for. Soo… to all of you who have never worked in the hospitality business before, this is mostly for you– to understand those unwritten laws that are written on the walls of every restaurant in America. These are just some things that I thought of so if you are another hospitality worker, please feel free to add your own!

This topic isn’t something I would usually write about, but at this moment in time– it is relevant and I figured since lots of people won’t ever experience what it’s like to work @ a restaurant, I’ll bring you into the mind of a server…

1) ALWAYS tip AT LEAST 15%. Now, even 15% is pushing it but at least it’s something. Most servers have to tip out to other workers such as the busser, the expo worker, hostess’ and the bar a certain percentage of sales. So say for instance you are the server to a table and their bill was $50. Where I work now, I have to tip out 3% of my sales. 3% of $50 is $1.50. This table left you $50 exactly and not a penny more. So now, being the server– you have to PAY $1.50 to the other employees of the restaurant. That’s right– you PAID out of YOUR pocket $$ for another table to eat in your section. That doesn’t seem fair, does it?

2) Verbal tips. We get it. You loved the service. You loved the food. Everything was hot, tasty and timely. How do you show your appreciation? A nice fat tip (or at least 20%)! Don’t just sit there and tell us how much you loved everything, SHOW us through a tip. Verbal tips don’t pay the bills! …I’m just saying…

3) THE FOOD. So, you waited 20 minutes for an entree that was cold and not cooked to order. It’s the server’s fault, right? Because the server is the one in the kitchen on the grill, right? WRONG! The servers do NOT cook the food (well at least in most places). If your food is not to order (assuming the server rang everything in correctly) then do not get an attitude with us and blame it on us! A lot of cooks are just too damn lazy to do things the right way (even though they’ll have to do it over anyways)… It’s not our fault!

4) Don’t mess with your server. Not that I would EVER in a million years do anything harmful to a guest but it happens. The server is pissed off at a nasty table (and by nasty I mean attitude)… some of them might tend to do something secretly vengeful, like I don’t know– lick your spoon, drop a burger bun on the floor then put it back on your burger… There are some pretty miserable people in the restaurant biz (and that’s no secret) and yes it is unfortunate because when we go out to eat, we want an enjoyable time with our friends and loved ones but it does happen. If by chance you do have to complain about your food, make sure you do it nicely… I will do everything I can to get your food out properly if it wasn’t done so the first time, just don’t give me an attitude about it.

5) If you really don’t want to waste money tipping a server AT LEAST 15% then DO NOT go out to eat. Enough said.

6) Don’t yell across the restaurant to get the attention of your server. It’s just rude and disrespectful. Just patiently wait, or call on another server walking by to get your server. You wouldn’t want somebody screaming for you in a rude tone, now would you?

7) Restaurant’s don’t exist to hand out free food. They exist to create a great and pleasurable environment for guests and to make money in the process. Don’t eat your entire meal then complain at how horrible it was. Don’t ask us to give you a free salad or kids meal or dessert. IF there is a legitimate reason for not having an up to par experience at the restaurant then most of the time, the manager will do something for you (such as a free dessert or a few bucks off of your bill). But do NOT try and manipulate your way to FREE. Don’t squeeze the lemon dry. That’s what food stamps & welfare are for.

8 ) Pay attention when your server comes to the table. Yes, we are serving you and it is our job to make sure you have everything you need but at least help us out a bit. Sometimes, we can get overwhelmed or “weeded” as it’s called and don’t have all the time in the world to spend on just YOU and your party. If your server comes to check on your drinks and one of you asks for a drink while another person clearly has an empty drink but claims to not want a drink– then when we come back with the first person’s drink and now all of a sudden the other person wants a drink (30 seconds later)… come on now. Give us a little break… tell us at once what you need instead of giving us something else to get you every time we drop something off.

Going out to eat at restaurants whether it be McDonald’s or Ruth Chris’ Steak House, we ALL want that enjoyable experience. We want to be able to enjoy the company of those we are with and of course, enjoy the yummy food and drinks we came to get! A GOOD and genuine server wants you to have a great experience also. Help us help you. We are not your slaves. If we’re nice to you– then surely I think it’s fair that you’re nice back, right?

…and YES… there are exceptions but these are just some general things to abide by =)

My fellow WordPress blogger, Jonathan Turley has posted the story, a story that places like Waiter’s Rant have already covered:

http://waiterrant.net/?p=1564

http://jonathanturley.org/2009/11/19/lehigh-students-arrested-for-failing-to-leave-tip/#comment-92031

There are some interesting comments on both sites. I’ve added my own at the bottom on the Turley blog which are still awaiting moderation which has to do with the difference between gratuities, tips, service charges and autograts (which is a bit arcane).

My thoughts on this? From my admittedly biased view of this, I think that the students were acting like spoiled rich students with a sense of entitlement (not to say that they didn’t have cause for complaint). IF, and this is a big IF, they turned down getting part or all of their meal comped by the manager, and then turned around an refused to pay the autograt, their passive-aggressive behavior merited some sort of consequence (“No I don’t WANT you to take $30 off off for the bad service. WHAT??!! You expect me to pay $16 for service I didn’t receive??!!!) Hopefully they’ll learn that it’s not always a zero sum game in life.

Now we turn to the idiot management and restaurant employees. Starting with the poor service, continuing with allegedly poor food quality, proceeding to a management that couldn’t communicate their remorse in not providing decent service and ending with the arrest of the participants, the restaurant violated just about every tenent of customer service possible. Having been on the other side of arrogant, entitled and unreasonable guests, I can understand how this could have spiralled downward. Yes, I’m calling out these students as “unreasonable” even though they might have gotten the worst service imaginable (if it’s true tha tthey were offered comps on their bill). And yet, if the management sent hostile, non-apologetic, defensive and passive-aggressive signals themselves when offering said discounts, they deserve the huge hit in business and the national scorn that they’re facing now.

Hopefully both parties have learned something from this. Perhaps the students will get the message that sometimes you accept an accomodation, not necessarly “stand on principles” when it’s counter-productive to their own interests and the owners of the pub will have a better shot at success in their next restaurant after they are forced out of business with this one.  

From Yelp.com. Photo credited to Daniel H.

BTW, for those confused as to how a $16 tip on a $74 bill goes from 18% to 22%, Max, who responded to this story in a different blog seems to have nailed it down:

“Please note that other sources state the owner said “some” of the food was comped. I suspect that their bill was $105 ($89 + $16 gratuity), then when the customers complained, the idiot bartender comped them $16 dollars worth of food instead of removing the gratuity. This would reduce the bill to $89 ($73 + $16 gratuity), which would still look like they were being forced to give a tip. So they paid the $73 as was stated in the news story, and fought the rest”.

The thing is, most POS systems don’t let the service charge ‘track” purchases. In other words, when you add the service charge, it takes a snapshot of the bill and computes the service charge at that point. It doesn’t change, even if the server has forgotten to ring something in and has to add it after the service charge has been added (which means that the percentage would actually fall in relation to the bill). The only thing a manager can do is remove the service charge and start again. If the bartender comped the amount of the service charge from the food portion of the bill, the service charge would remain the same. This is where the students should have said, “It’s a wash” and just paid the darn bill. Instead, they “stood on principle” even though legally, they were still on the hook for the service charge. Not reasonable in my opinion. If they really wanted to stand on principle, they should have called the manager over, said that they wanted to pay the whole bill but have the service charge itself removed.

Just my 2¢.

If utter exhaustion had a name, it would be Russell Patrick Brown 5:45 AM Sunday.  I woke up yesterday at 8:30 because I’m such a spaz and got ready for my day (I was scheduled to sleep until 10:30, but the barking dog next door that I’m going to kill someday altered those plans).  I then proceeded to squeeze in a quick half-hour all-around workout, buy a present, go to a rehearsal, buy costume stuff and eat, rehearse a great but occasionally unfocused group of Irish dancers and musicians again, return some costume items and then do the actual performance.

If that wasn’t exhausting enough I was treated to a 9 pm to 4 am shift cocktailing beverages to the tweeked homos at Therapy.  This programming was brought to me by my fellow lazy (I’m guilty of same) co-workers who would sooner fist a hippo than work my Saturday shift for me when I’m in need.  This was further made enjoyable by the MTA (Motherfucking Transit Assholes) as they decided at the last minute to cut off uptown local service on the subways.  Well!  I wish I could say it is all made better by my boyfriend sleeping at home whom I could have hot quick (no foreplay tiddlywinks with) sex with and then pass out in his arms.  But no, I cannot say that as I have been single for four year.

I’m thinking what else I can bitch about before I get all positive and sunshine and puppy dogs on ya.  OH!  Hmm.  There’s something…. I know it  OH!  I remember.  My unpleasant experience in the subway was graced by an incredibly hoit guy (who was talking to himself but I pretended not to notice) who I thought was interested in hot anonymous, casual sex but then seemed not to be.  Okay.  Enough of that shit.

It was a cool day in that I was excited to wake up, have rehearsals for this piece I put together, play the harp on the fucking stage (woohoo!) and finally perform with my cool friends in my bad ass outfit.  I really, really love the work I’ve done with Irish/modern dance, costumes music and storytelling.  I’m so fucking excited to be sharing it all with you.  The performance turned out really well thanks to the awesomeness of everyone involved and it has prepared me so damn well to create more.  I learned soooo much (not that the piece blows or anything) and I know how to tell a better story and rehearse it better etc.  Make it even cooler is finding out so many of you have been visiting and reading this blog.  Thank you so much.

At the end of this jaberwocky of a 21.5 hour day, I’m looking back going “I’m so incredibly strong, I have great friends and I’m so fucking glad I’m doing this now and not when I’m forty.”

On vacation in Tangier, Morocco, Max sat down at a street café. Soon he felt the presence of someone standing alongside. He had been cautioned about beggars and was told to ignore them. But this one wouldn’t budge. At one moment he bent over with a big smile, showing him a single gold teeth and a dingy fez. Finally a man walked over to him and whispered, “Hey, buddy, this guy’s your waiter and he wants your order.”

I’ll save everyone the inevitable Reservoir Dogs reference and leave it at this – Mr. Pink is a complete and utter cheapskate douchebag.  Despite most of my friends insistence that I am a shitty tipper because I am supposedly a thrifty Jew, I consider myself a good tipper.  And by good tipper, I mean I generally leave 20%.

I rarely leave extra due to good service, and I rarely leave less due to shitty service.  Bottom line is unless a waiter/waitress is completely incompetent, bad service is usually not their fault.  Maybe the restaurant is short a few staff and your server is over booked, maybe the cooks smoked too much dope in the kitchen and are a bit slower in preparing your food…unless your server is a complete and utter a-hole, give them 20%.

The last thing I’ll say in regards to waiters and waitresses is please, don’t short them on tip or yell at them because something is wrong with your food.  That is the chef’s fault, your servers are not ritards, 99.9% of the time they write down any absurd needs you have for your order.  For example, if you ask your waitress,”can you sub in a few veggies for the fries because I am trying to impress you by showing you I like to stay in shape,” and the fries still come…my guess is the chef put the fries on there on purpose because either A. he is effing your waitress or B. he is simply upset at the sad state of affairs that has arisen with regards to male ordering habits over the past few years.

I’ll tell you the real conundrums I have when it comes to tipping: take out and delivery.  Seriously, I’m like an 8 year old that wanders into the middle of a movie – I have no effing clue what to do.  For take out, I’ll usually just leave between 10-15%, for delivery I just give them a few bucks.  These habits have no rhyme or reason though, it simply feels right.  One person I never tip, is the guy at Lucky King, or any time I get takeout chinese buffet.  I mean, the guy rings me up and hands me a styrofoam box, nothing he does is deserving of my hard earned cash.

I also know people who tip everyone – automechanic, TV repairman, erotic dancers.  Where does it end? I always was taught that one tips your food servers because they depend on them, since their salary is way below minimum wage.  Well don’t automechanics live on fixing something in my car, charging far too much for labor and 75% above market value for the part, not to mention breaking something else under my hood so they can get me back in the garage 3 weeks later.  Strippers make anywhere from $20-$100 to give you blue balls for four minutes.  So I ask, do they really need a f*cking tip on top of that? Please.  Maybe this is the thrifty side of me coming out (thrifty grad student side, not thrifty Jew side), but for the love of Bill Belichick G-d, where does the tipping end?!

I think it’s pretty clear from this post that Jeremy has never worked in a restaurant.  While a chef usually has a religious like stance on how a burger should be cooked, they rarely get the order wrong.  Often times a screwed up order isn’t someone’s fault, but usually miss-communication since there is a lot going on in that kitchen.  Or your server was so busy getting the refills for her six top and the apps to her two top and the credit card receipt to her other two top and the extra napkins for the three top with the four year old that she forgot to put in your request that your sandwich be made without mayo even though she wrote it down.  It’s understandable.

Waiting tables is a tough job, and a good tip can make a crappy night bearable or even better, monetarily worthwhile, to someone making a few dollars an hour.  This is assuming that your waitress, like something out of a movie I would roll my eyes at, is a hard working single mom, complete with pencil jammed in her bun, taking pride in her job.

Where I waited tables, most took pride in their job and worked hard.  It made working in a restaurant, where there are so many jobs other than taking orders and getting food to the table, a hell of a lot easier and more enjoyable to have them there.  As for the others … I have some great stories.  Unless someone is completely terrible, I always tip 20% in the states.  At the low end, they are making just over three dollars an hour, and at the high end, it’s still under ten.  Running dishes back and forth and playing mediator between the oft-volatile cooks and the patrons … is bumping your tip up to 20% really a huge deal?

But Jeremy has a good point and I have no answers, but do come equipped with more questions.  Where do you draw the line?  Do you tip your hairdresser less if she owns the business then you would if she were an employee?  When you’re paying an arm and a leg for your child’s lessons, do you tip the instructor?  If someone delivers a cord of wood and the delivered cord is more expensive than the picked up cord, do you tip?  While the plight of the restaurant server is relatively well known, these gray areas need clarifying.  And while I understand that any of us would be thrilled if someone handed over extra money after interacting in a business deal, it’s not always so clear when it is acceptable, when it is necessary, and how much is necessarily acceptable.

As far back as I can remember I have always had a job. As a kid I had a paper round. I used to deliver the local free sheet to approx 100 houses in the locality. It was great – I was independent at the tender age of 12. It definitely taught me to value money. I was always a saver too. Back then I used to make regular lodgements to my local building society – now that’s pretty optimistic for a twelve year old! I had big plans back then – and still do. These days I fund at least one foreign holiday from loose change I save in an actual piggy bank. I throw in the odd note occasionally. You would be surprised how all that shrapnel adds up.

Here is a snapshot of some of the jobs I’ve had to date:

Paperboy

Packing bags in local supermarket

Stacking shelves in local supermarket

Customer service agent in the Airport

Sales assistant in record store

Sandwich maker in a Subway style sandwich bar in the States

Waiter in a Pizza parlour in the States

Behind a deli-counter in a supermarket in the States

Serving Ice Cream in Dairy Queen in the States

Waiter in a buffet style sea food restaurant in the states

Customer service agent on the X-box helpline in a call centre in Dublin

Fund Accountant, Multinational Dublin

Management Accountant, Multinational Dublin

Financial Accountant, Multinational in Dublin

Wow – looks like I’ve been a job-tart. And more recently, I’ve been a corporate whore! I’ve worked for three multinational corporations since 2003.