Dies ist nun schon der dritte von diesen Tagen: der dritte Tag in Folge. Ein Tag von diesen Tagen. Der Anblick jenes mächtigen Gebäudes am Rande der Innenstadt von Bad Dingenskirchen verursacht eine leichte Übelkeit, welche um so stärker wird, je mehr ich mich diesem Gebäude nähere und beim Durchschreiten des Personaleinganges in akuten Würgereiz übergeht, was nicht nur an der Zigarettenqualmqolke der quarzenden Kollegen liegt.
Ist es der Gedanke an die Visage des Chefs, welcher aus irgendwelchen Gründen seit letzter Woche unausstehlich ist? Ist es der Gedanke daran, dass bedingt durch Urlaub und Krankheit die Personaldecke derzeit so dünn ist wie schon lange nicht mehr? Und was ist mit diesem Kratzen im Hals, dem leichten Hustenschmerz, Gliederschmerz und Müdigkeit… ob das die Schweinegrippe ist? Nein, ein Arzt wird nicht krank! Ärztekörper sind per Definition immun, resistent und aus Stahl konstruiert.
Nein, es ist Waldi.
Darf ich vorstellen?
Waldi ist ein Geschöpf mit struppigem braunen Fell, kurzen Beinchen, Dackelschlappohren und Wedelschwanz. Und er ist immer bei mir, vor allem und gerade im Arztzimmer von Station Zwo. Waldi ist nämlich kein gewöhnlicher Dackel, er ist mein ganz persönlicher innerer Schweinehund.
So, aber jetzt Husch-Husch ins Körbchen!
Heute habe ich nämlich Dienst.
Und Dienst im Sommer, das heisst Kreisslaufkollaps, Grillunfälle, Sportverletzungen und die unvermeidlichen Zeh-Zwo-Intoxikationen.

In 2008, my life partner, MYQUIPATTEN, started to listen to an online radio show called THE WACKY WALDI HYPNO SHOW. If you don’t know this by now, there are a lot of online sites where any asshole with a microphone can start his/her own show. You log in the show listen to the conversation and interact with the speaker. In this case it was WALDI who is an expert marketing genius and is able to sweet talk you into believing that you really need her CD to help you forget your phobias.

I scoffed and laughed at Myqui as she told WALDI that after a “session” she felt as if she could levitate playing her electric guitar. I wish Myqui could do that – we’d be millionares already but she can’t and in truth Myqui is disabled and on medicaid, too. As a matter of fact now both her siblings are all on medicaid. Her problems were not self made like FACE but her older brother – I’ll call him PIP has Diabetes and keeps on drinking and popping pills until he lost his big toe and a coupla small ones, too, couldn’t walk and lost his job. - But Myqui is NOT LIKE FACE & PIP – she is special b/c she is a gifted songwriter anda wonderful personality and can she play that guitar! Whoa! Check her out at www.cognitivefungus.com – that is our website – the bass player in the sessions is me – that is my other life – I have many.

What is Hypnotherapy?Let’s investigate: This is from WikiPedia – the all knowing bullshit website -

The word “hypnosis” (from the Greek hypnos, “sleep”) is an abbreviation of James Braid’s (1843) term “neuro-hypnotism”, meaning “sleep of the nervous system”.

A person who is hypnotized displays certain unusual characteristics and propensities, compared with a non-hypnotized subject, most notably hyper-suggestibility, which some authorities have considered a sine qua non of hypnosis. For example, Clark L. Hull, probably the first major empirical researcher in the field, wrote,

If a subject after submitting to the hypnotic procedure shows no genuine increase in susceptibility to any suggestions whatever, there seems no point in calling him hypnotised… ^[1]

Hypnotherapy is often applied in order to modify a subject’s behavior, emotional content, and attitudes, as well as a wide range of conditions including dysfunctional habits, anxiety, stress-related illness, pain management, and personal development.

But after Myqui and I decided to try and stop smoking and we couldn’t do it I decided to listen in on this online program. At first it was okay and I learned how to visualize and meditate and WALDI the famous hyno chick was nice and very attentive and we bought some more CDs and MP3s but those did not do anything near as great as the STOP SMOKING CD which cured us. Granted it took two times to listen in two separate months b/c we lapsed but after the 2nd time – we totally stopped smoking and then I gained weight and am now battling that at the gym  to somewhat moderately slow success.

Waldi is a master marketing genius. She is able to sell products and her wares to everyone because she is personable but really in truth the smoking cd was the only thing we bought that worked.  We believed in that so much that we passedit onto a friend of ours who told us later she listened to Waldi’s voice and she laughed a lot but that a drug helped her quit smoking instead. Apparently she has thousand’s of old clients that want to see her in private sessions that she no longer holds but once charged a lot of money for and that is how she got rich.

I was totally taken in by WALDI who is one smooth talking single mother, Republican living in Southern California Los Angeles and frankly a lonely woman. A woman without sex is a lonely gal and that is how WALDI got her start – she came out with her breakthrough CD program called the BIG BOOM! She even had a videotape on YOU TUBE that had her stroking the top of a woman’s handgiving her the biggest orgasm ever. She even had the woman working for her later – but they were uncomfortable being around each other – I wonder why? LOL

The video show started to take a weird turn when WALDI got heavily involved in two issues that I got involved in and one she alone was involved in. Apparently she had a website name that another foreign hynotherapist – I’ll call him – PANCHO – wanted b/c he had a pilot tv show of the same name coming to America and he wanted it to match his website. So instead of asking WALDI for it – he demanded she give it to him and when she did not – he sued her.  She had to hire lawyers and go to court – she lost on top of it and had to pay him money and pay the lawyer’s fees andgive the jackass the website anyway – so she lost all the way around.  But she got herself into lots of trouble by filming videotapes of her challenging PANCHO for the right to keep the website if she would 1) ride a motorcycle to the finish and the winner takes all; 2) another wacky challenge that asked PANCHO to do something to win the website – WALDI asked for her problems and got her wish from the universe. All she did was ask – she believed she was doing the right thing and she received her answer – not what she wanted but the answer her bad karma was spewing through those crazy assed videos she put up on YOU TUBE and PANCHO had them yanked down, much to all our surprise.

So afterwards WALDI was depressed and instead of doing her regular hypno snow, which is why the audience comes to see her in the first place, she started to talk about people getting jobs and how to get them andwhat to do. She regaled us with stories about when she was poor and how she struggled to make it in the world of Hypnotherapy and how she greatly succeeded b/c she believed in herself.  Some of that stuff worked but not well and especially NOT in this economic climate. Most of it failed miserably and that is why she was depressed as well.

Marketing is a great tool and either you have it or you don’t. I use my writing as my marketing tool – but no one is as good a marketer as WALDI – she’s the best.  The two issues where I got involved were with a kook audience member of the chat room from New Englandwho manipulated the grand manipulator-WALDI herself by telling Waldi that she was fed up with her life, kids and being a single mom and was going to commit suicide. Well of course the woman never did kill herself because WALDI started to pay attention to her in the sessions and SWEETY-PIE became the apple of WALDI’s eye. Why? Because SWEETY for all her bellyaching she had no funds – had money coming in from the state for her sick kid, her ex and other federal programs – in all she had a sweet deal and paid for almost all of WALDI’s products – thus becoming WALDI’s protege. Apparently SWEETY is now studying to become a hypno herself andhas actively taken to the airwaves of the same online radio site as WALDI to begin her own talk show where she teaches others about MAKING MIRACLES HAPPEN!  So SWEETIE went from SUICIDAL to SUCCESSFUL and was featured on several of WALDI’s new programs where the audience members got to ask questions and listened to WALDI’s new spiel’s on different subjects.  In effect SWEETIE now works with WALDI – happy together!

Then I got involved in another audience member’s problems who I thought andstill think is crazy and in retrospect thought and spoke a lot like WALDI.  This other woman believed that GOD had given WALDI to the world. She was not wrapped too tight and WALDI agreed with me and we never discussed that person again however SWEETIE is still swinging large with WALDI. It makes me wonder really about Waldi’s sexuality – because SWEETY told me that her last lover was a woman who was very abusive to her andthey broke up finall after years of co-habitation. In retrospect I don’t believe that either… So, is WALDI straight or gay? I have never really met a gay republican but I know they are out there. THE LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS is a gay group of corp morons who claim they are gay and republican???? Whatever! If WALDI IS bi – good for her – she’ll have more of choice when she wants to get laid.

At this point in time I shall tell you that I have an anger management problem – but DOESN’T EVERYONE? Especially today, right? Well I have been dealing with that all my life and WALDI knows about my problem. Earlier this month of April 09 I was stricken with the flu and out on my back for weeks not being able to move, fever, sore throat, sick as a dog can’t look for jobs, can’t go anywhere and I’m not insured. No medical – no doctor – no nuthin’. Can’t pay so I lay there dying in my own sweat and Myqui took care of me – bless her because I am a bitch when I’m sick and I’m a bitch when I’m out of work. It was a dark month and it is still not over yet and I am still without part time clients or a full time job??!!!

But at least we have each other. So I went on the WALDI show and for the past few months all she’s been moaning and groaning about was her son being put into rehab, her life is not what it used to be, maybe she should change her profession, she’s out of touch with the rest of the hypno peeps, blah blah blah – and she wasn’t giving any hypno sessions on air as much. She gave marketing tips, tips for the kids who were listening to her show. There were supposedly so many at one time that it resembled ROMPER ROOM.

Some of the kids made fun of us older folks over the age of puberty and got on my last nerve. WALDI had made me a “moderator” against my will because I did not want the responbilityto have to kick someone out of the room but SWEETY PIE was kicking ‘em left right andcenter for her girlfriend. I found it funny and used my option sparingly and after awhile WALDI wanted a chance to try andturn the offender around if she could but most times the new audience person was just there to call her names.

Recently WALDI has been depressed over the economy and over her legal battle with the other hypnotherapist who won against her, her son’s troubles and her unable to help him and just confusion about her personal life; say a mid-life crisis; everyone has one.  I went into her show and was in a bad mood being sick with the flu and all anda kid started picking on me when I started to complain about not being able to find work. Mind you, WALDI’s show is all about people complaining and it is impossible for anyone to be happy happy all the time – not even the HAPPY HYPNO WALDI was happy all the time; on the contrary she is downright depressed most of this year – that is why she has her facade up and is addicted to doing her own talk show online. Without it she’s go nuts and be isolated forever in her own woes.  She would also miss the adulation she receives from the audience who comes every day to be hypnotised and to dispense advice to her minions.

So there I am complaining having a bad day and WALDI types into the chat section – STOP COMPLAINING YOU’RE RUINING THE FLOW OF THE ROOM?

WTF? Is this bitch nuts? She can’t be talking to ME like that?!

Then the kid starts to whine at WALDI telling her that I am picking on him when he was the one who started the argument when he told me he is 19 years old and why am I bitching about not working when I should just fucking relax. I wanted to punch him right in the mouth but this is the internet so I told him to “fuck off”. Now WALDI curses like a truck driver and she had the nerve to tell me to “shut up?” I don’t think so!

When SWEETIE PIE stepped in to try and defend me, WALDI jumped on her ass and told her to shut up, too and that’s when all hell broke loose apparently because I left the chat room in a huff and minutes later I got an email titled WHY? From Waldi asking me why I had to fuck up her show because after I left in a huff all the trolls started to pick on everyone in the room and it became a riot and she had to discontinue the show for the day.

How is that MY FAULT that happened AND  how was it I WENT FROM TOP DAWG to TROLL?

I went to her for help – that is what her online show is all about but she was always counting the number of people in the room and wouldn’t start until she had “enough people which to her was about 200″.  I was sick with the flu and I thought she would at least listen to me – but she was too busy working new angles on her new clients – the kids and the new 20 somethings in the room b/c she was busy trying to hawk her wares to them – new pigeons. I think now looking back at it WALDI figured she fucked up raising her own kid so she could make up for that by helping these kids in her chat room. Maybe so but charity begins at home and WALDI already flunked that lesson.

So the famous hypnotherapist turned out to be a rip roaring fakeroo and just another fancy marketer flapping her lips so the innocent dupe can buy her wares. Maybe PANCHO had a case and that is why he won over her in court? Maybe WALDI did not tell her minions the whole story, hmmm?

I wonder but I will never know because I told her off and told her I would never attend another of her shows ever again and that I did not need to be there anymore. I outgrew the show, which is the truth and I no longer had a need to be there because she wasn’t doing what she started when she started that show.

Calling me a TROLL and telling me to SHUT UP is unacceptable. I was suprised that she would do that but she did.  I did not think about this until today when I found her on LinkedIn and asked her for a recommendation which she refused to give. saying that she could not give me a positive reference.

Then I looked at her Linked In site and found that she had only given one person a recommendation out of 444 people following her and giving her a recommendation and I was one of the people who recommended her work on Linked In.  That’s karma people – like I said I trusted that bitch and she turned on me. She will turn on SWEETIE PIE too because when SWEETIE gets too pushy, WALDI is going to push back b/c she’s not whom she says she is – she is a fake.  Her chat show got too real when she realized how many people in the audience depended on her advice. Too much responsibility for a woman who can’t manage her own life or her kid’s – too much stress to handle considering she really wanted to help everyone but really cannot because life’s stresses and all of our individual problems are too much for one person to bear in any economy. Hell, Waldi can’t even take care of herself – but I wish her well.

Bye-Bye- WALDI- have a great time in LA LA LAND – you’ll blend in well – it’s all fake there!

Freitag, 15.08.08 | 22.45 – 23.45 | ARD

© NDR/Ralf Pleßmann

In diesen Tagen kommt man wohl oder übel am Thema Olympia in der medialen Berichterstattung nicht vorbei. Wenn man nach einem eher ungewöhnlichen Zugang sucht, wird man unter Umständen bei “Waldi & Harry’s Olympiatalk” fündig. Weniger die witzige Note steht im Vordergrund, da leider eher bemüht, aber wenn sich das Auge einmal an das überladene Dekor des ARD-Studios gewöhnt hat, wird einem ein launiger Blick hinter die Kulissen der Olympischen Spiele (“Harald Schmidt bei einer chinesischen Massage”) und unkonventionelle Interviews geboten.

Löblicherweise bietet die ARD bereits gesendete Folgen auch online an: Waldi & Harry

Mascots are usually animals adapted as a symbolic figure, normally used to symbolize an event, especially a sports event. If you were to look at history of international mascots, there’s only a few that is actually considered ‘decent’ mascots.

Others…are really.. well.. you be the judge!

SUMMER OLYMPIC GAME MASCOT

1972 Munich Olympic game. It is indeed the first mascot in the history of Olympic. Fancy some colourful coney-dogs anyone?

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1976 Montreal : This is suppose to be a beaver, but it is easily mistaken as a big, black fur ball. I bet cats like it very much.

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1992 Atlanta and 1996 Barcelona mascots. Plush-version of the mascots looks pretty decent, but when it come to full figured mascot…it spells disaster:

The Simpsons creator Matt Groening described it as “a bad marriage of the Pillsbury doughboy and the ugliest California Raisin. In the US press, it was derided as anything from a “blue slug” to a “sperm in sneakers”. *ouch* LoL!

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Imagine when these 3 cute lil’ animals were transformed into …

these 3 ugly beings?! Well that happen in 2000 Sydney Olympic Game. Did someone call the animal protection department? This is abusing animal’s right… (to be protected from being depicted uglier than it originally is… haha!)

Oh, and, the full figure is even worse! :

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‘Bigfoot’? Or simply elephantiasis (big leg disease)?

Athens-2004 olympic

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WINTER OLYMPIC GAME MASCOT

1992 Albertville – Patrick in pyjamas???

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Another case of animal abuse in 1998 Nagona winter olympic games. Never would have guessed Sukki, Nokki, Tekki and Tsukki are owls huh?

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Meet Mrs. Snow and Mr. Ice Cube ….. *roll eyes* I guess they should stick back using animals instead… >.<

That’s all for now

]]> http://esleben.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/notizen-aus-dem-em-krankenlager/ Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:16:49 +0000 esleben http://esleben.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/notizen-aus-dem-em-krankenlager/

Herrlich, während der EM krank zu sein, dürfte der Traum jedes Arbeitnehmers sein. Insofern habe ich drei wunderbare Tage im Bett zubringen dürfen, die dank Schmerzmitteln galore durchaus aushaltbar gewesen wären. “Und ich benutze hier bewußt den Konjunktiv” (U.Lattek) Wären, wenn der deutsche Fernsehsportjournalismus nicht komplett darniederliegen würde. Eine Bestandsaufnahme. Weiter auf 5-Freunde

Warum? Warum bekommt man nach jeder ZDF Übertragung diese überaus unwitzige *hust* Comedy-Show serviert? Schlecht. Schlechter. Nachgetreten.
Die einzigen die getreten gehören, sind das ZDF und die Ansammlung von Möchtegern-Comedians in dieser Show.

Ingolf Lück, welcher wohl nach “Wochenshow” nie wieder witzig war, sitzt an seinem Tisch. Als Moderator scheinbar. Ihm gegenüber die *hust* “Creme de la creme” der deutschen Comedy. Mirja Boes, Mike “Ich war noch nie witzig” Krüger, Guido “Eine schlechte Show nach der anderen” Kanz und ein paar mehr oder weniger, wahrscheinlich nur unter Kölner Karnevalsfreaks bekannte, Witzigtuer. Horror. Ein flacher Witz nach dem anderen. Klischee nach Klischee. Polen. Schweden. Sogar Deutschland. Es scheint so, als wenn die sonst nur nach Drehbüchern und vorgeschrieben Texten arbeitenden Comedians, einfach völlig überfordert sind mit dem spontanen Witzigsein. Ach. Oliver Welke (Genau. Der Sportmoderator der irgendwann mit Comedy angefangen hat und irgendwie noch nicht begriffen hat, dass das einfach nicht sein Ding ist.) gibt es sogar zu und spricht davon, dass ihm im Nachhinein Witze einfallen und er sich dann darüber ärgert. Aha. Toll. Dann bleib doch einfach zu Hause. Bleibt doch einfach alle zu Hause.

Hier mal eine Liste der beteiligten “Comedians” (Ja. Wir stellen die jetzt alle an den Pranger.):

Ingolf Lück, Oliver Welke, Guido Cantz, Gabi Decker, Kim Fischer, Dr. Eckhart von Hirschhausen, Johann König, Matze Knop, Mike Krüger, Janine Kunze, Hans Werner Olm, Ingo Oschmann, Martin Schneider, Bernd Stelter

Das sind nicht alle? Ähm. Ja und? Störts einen, dass wir die Deppenfraktion nicht vollständig da haben? Ich glaube nicht. Einige von denen sind vieleicht alleine ab und zu mal ganz witzig, aber wenn sie spontan Witze reißen müssen, dann kacken *sorry* sie mal so richtig ab.

Das schlimme daran ist, dass diese Sendung von unseren Gebühren (Okay. Von den meisten von uns.) bezahlt wird. Irgendwie traurig. 40 Minuten lang schmeißt das ZDF die Moneten raus. Was denken die sich dabei? Das findet wirklich kein Mensch witzig. Keiner. Selbst die anwesenden Zuschauer haben nach ungefähr 30 Minuten keinen Bock mehr so zu tun, als ob die Z-Promis witzig wären.

Dann tue ich mir lieber Waldis EM Club an. Sicher auch nicht die Spitze der Unterhaltung. Aber keine gezwungene Komik. Ab und zu ein paar Experten. Waldi. Oli Pocher in seinen Paraderollen als Oli Kahn, Mark van Bommel oder Lukas Podolski. Damit kann man sich wenigstens etwas beschallen lassen.

Was ich vorschlage? Kann man sich beim ZDF beschweren? Sollen die doch die Scheiße am besten aus dem Programm schmeißen und dann lieber noch 40 Minuten bei Kerner, Klopp und Meier am See bleiben. Die Konstellation hat alleine mehr Witz, als alle “Nachgetreten”-Sendungen zusammen.

Naja. Heute Abend wünscht “Wir lieben Fußball” euch gute Unterhaltung bei Waldis EM Club und ohne “Nachgetreten”.

Diese Kritik wurde euch präsentiert von Dein Fußball T-Shirt

Can you handle 3 and a half minutes of wall flips from (almost) 1 person? Daaamn, this little guy has got them dialled. And if this impresses you, go check out his sampler, and be impressed again. Check it, then go rate, comment and subscribe.