Brazilian footballers tend to take a more cavalier approach to making the distinction between given names and nicknames. Hence a good proportion of the boys in yellow run around with something a little out of the ordinary written across their shoulders. This ranges from the amusingly prosaic like Fred, Jo or my personal favourite, Tim, to the scatalogically infantile such as Kaka and Dudu. 

But sometimes the choice of moniker can represent an unfair advantage. During England’s one-sided friendly in Doha last week Givanildo Vieira de Souza was brought on to make his debut. Otherwise known as Hulk. The provenance of this sobriquet is disputed but what is certain is that it strikes fear into the heart of any opposition defence. Hulk is aptly named: muscular, stocky and a generally a nuisance. Particularly when he’s angry.

I’d argue that Fifa should introduce a law that entitled every international team to adopt this relaxed approach to the naming of squad members, but Wazza, Crouchy and JT don’t really share that same sense of menace.

Liga Premier

Manchester United goleo 3-0 al Everton

Sunderland 1-0 Arsenal

Chelsea le puso una goliza al Wolverhampton 4 goles a cero.

Liverpool empata a dos goles contra el Manchester City

Hull City 3-3 West Ham United

Tottenham Hotspur MASACRA al Wigan Atlhetic 9 goles a 1

Birmingham City 1-0 Fullham

You’re sitting in the pub with an old Friend, let’s call him ‘Dave.’

He’s getting steadily drunker, this ‘Dave’ character, but you’re the designated driver and you sit there with the smug air of self-importance that comes from being sober near drunk people.

You (inevitably) start talking about the beautiful game and you can’t believe what this ‘Dave’ is saying. Torres makes a bigger contribution to the team than Rooney?

“Oh come on, Wayne covers so much more ground, contributes to more attacks, creates more… how can you say that?!” you explode in anger.

‘Dave’ replies:

“Those arguments are baseless and I would request that you elaborate on your opinions, preferably with a series of visual data.”

You may be caught off guard by Dave’s sudden coherence but you won’t be taken aback by his demands.

Not with Guardian Chalkboards.

You would take out your blackberry (assuming you have one-otherwise a laptop in a place with wi-fi will suffice. Or maybe just go to your place and load up the computer.) and log on to Guardian Chalkboards and direct him to the relevant statistics.

This is what you would show him. It’s a visual record of every pass Wayne Rooney made during the Chelsea v Man Utd match recently. Guardian Chalkboards allows you to select any Premier League match in the past two seasons and analyse passes, shots, tackles, fouls, interceptions and a host of other stats, by player or by team.

“There,” you’d smile, “Look how he runs down the channels down the left AND right wing, plus through the centre… he even came back into his own half!”

Then you’d contrast it with Torres’ passing in a match against Hull earlier in the season and smugly claim your victory: “You see! He barely moves in comparison!”

‘Dave’ is left reeling, “no way back for him now,”  you think.

But ‘Dave’ is made of tougher stuff and snatches the blackberry (or whatever you decided on earlier) from your very hand! A few moments later he triumphantly gives it back to you.

“Look how many goals he scored mate. That’s the most imporant thing, surely… plus he only played 66 minutes that match.”

Like you, I suspect, I’m beginning to hate ‘Dave.’

All this with Guardian Chalkboards. Have a play, it’s fun.

P.S:

Going to BBC Cornwall tomorrow, update to follow

Kaka, pemain nomor 8 ada di peringkat 8 dalam daftar 100 Pemain Terbaik versi FourFourTwo.

Prakata :

Majalah FourFourTwo merilis 100 Pemain Terbaik Dunia dalam edisi November 2009 yang telah terbit bulan lalu. Program tersebut sudah dilangsungkan sejak dua tahun lalu. Memang bukan sesuatu yang sederhana, karena pihak lain biasanya hanya menampilkan 5 besar atau 10 besar. Di sini saya sebatas menampilkan 10 besar pemain terbaik dunia versi FourFourTwo, yaitu :

1.) Lionel Messi, 2.) Cristiano Ronaldo, 3.) Xavi Hernandez dan Andres Iniesta, 5.) David Villa, 6.) Fernando Torres, 7.) Steven Gerrrard, 8.) Kaka, 9.) Samuel Eto’o, 10.) Wayne Rooney.

Tulisan di bawah ini -versi asli- merupakan hasil pengamatan saya terhadap 100 Pemain Terbaik Dunia versi FFT, yang dimuat dalam majalah FourFourTwo Indonesia edisi Desember 2009. Terima kasih untuk redaktur majalah tersebut atas perhatiannya.

Pertama, salut bagi FourFourTwo yang kembali menampilkan daftar 100 Pemain Terbaik Dunia. Sebuah kerja keras yang patut mendapatkan apresiasi. Barangkali pada umumnya kita sepakat dengan posisi Lionel Messi dan Cristiano Ronaldo sebagai dua yang terbaik. Namun untuk urutan berikutnya tampak layak menjadi bahan perdebatan kita. Dan hal itu pasti terjadi dalam penyusunan daftar apa saja, karena setiap pilihan selalu bersifat relatif.

Saya sekadar ingin menyoroti hal menarik yang terjadi pada pemain dengan peringkat atau nomor urut 8 (Kaka), 9 (Samuel Eto’o), dan 10 (Wayne Rooney). Sungguh unik bahwa posisi mereka bertiga ternyata sama persis dengan nomor kostum masing-masing pada musim 2009/10 ini. Kaka adalah pemain nomor 8 Real Madrid, Samuel Eto’o mengenakan nomor 9 di Inter Milan dan timnas Kamerun (juga sebelumnya di Barcelona), sementara Wayne Rooney pemakai kostum nomor 10 Manchester United dan timnas Inggris. Bisa jadi hal yang bersifat kebetulan tersebut hanya terjadi sekali ini dan tak bakal terulang lagi.

Tanggapan redaktur FFT Indonesia :

Hai Satya, untuk posisi tiga pemain yang kamu sebut paling akhir, kami memang sengaja kok. Eh tidak, kami bercanda. Jujur, kamu lebih teliti dari kami soal nomor-nomor punggung tersebut.

Well folks, it’s November. Which means it’s almost December. Which means it’s almost January. Which means it’s almost time for the transfer window to open once more. Which means it’s rumour time.

In the past week I have seen several articles detailing certain high profile clubs (English) monitoring the movements of a “new Kaká,” a “new Didier Drogba” and so on and so forth. I’ve heard rumours about Roman Pavlyuchenko coming to Roma in a swap for Julio Baptista, of Klaas-Jan Huntelaar going pretty much anywhere but Milan, and of pretty much every single pleasant surprise of this year being on their merry way out the doors of their respective clubs. Not to mention players like Nani, Guti and Phillip Lahm, who have taken nasty swipes (however accurate) at their clubs via the press recently; with rumours of Lahm to Real Madrid and the other two far from spectacular, could these be foreshadowings of events to come in the new year?

I’ll rattle off some other trade rumours: Juan Manuel Vargas to Real Madrid, Edin Dzeko to AC Milan, Marek Hamsik to Chelsea, Sergio Agüero to Chelsea, Angel Di Maria to Chelsea, (and so on and so forth), Raúl to Retirement, Cesc Fàbregas to Barcelona, and even Wayne Rooney to Barcelona (ha!).

Will any of these rumours come true? Eh, maybe one or two. For the most part it’s probably all just a load of crap; the unfounded conjecture and speculation that always precedes the opening of the transfer window. It will be interesting to see just what does materialize in the new year, and especially how much the transfer window will be affected by the Real Madrid-inflation that occurred over the summer. In the meantime, let the rumours fly; ’tis the season!

Inilah top scorers sementara liga Inggris (english Premier League) 2009/2010

01.Fernando
Torres
(Liverpool) 10
gol

02. Didier Drogba
(Chelsea) 9 gol

03. Darrent Bent
(Sunderland) 8
gol

04. Louis Saha
(Everton) 7 gol

05. Robin Van
Persie
(Arsenal) 7 gol

06. Wayne Rooney
(Man. Utd) 7 gol

07. Robbie Keane
(Tottenham H.)
6 gol

08. Jermain Defoe
(Tottenham H.)
6 gol

09. Carlton Cole
(West Ham Utd)
6 gol

10. Cesc Fabregas
(Arsenal) 6 gol

11. Gabriel
Agbonlahor
(Aston Villa) 6
gol

12. Craig Bellamy
(Man. City) 5
gol

13. Kenwny Jones
(Sunderland) 5
gol

14.Hugo Rodallega
(Wigan Athletic)
5 gol

15. Graham
Alexander
(Burnley) 4 gol

16. David Dunn
(Blackburn R.)
4 gol

17. Steven Gerrard
(Liverpool) 4
gol

18. Frank Lampard
(Chelsea) 4 gol

19. Dimitar
Berbatov
(Man. utd) 4 gol

20. Emmanuel
Adebayor
(Man. City) 4 gol

Yuk intip medysept 91 di
www.alexa.com

Duncan White in the Telegraph reckons Rooney is the player of the season, but also that he will need protective gear during the run-up to the World Cup:

“At a third of the way through the season it is too early to prophesies who will become the player of the season but you can certainly establish who is in the running. Remember, the PFA send out the ballots for their award early in the New Year so there isn’t actually that much more time to make your case for that award.

As it stands, I think there are four superb performers in the slipstream behind one outstanding candidate. John Terry and Drogba of Chelsea and Cesc Fàbregas and Robin Van Persie at Arsenal are definitely in the mix but a superb Rooney has carried Manchester United this season.

He should be forced to play the last three months of the season in moon boots if that’s what it takes to keep his metatarsals intact.”

Platforms: Xbox 360/PS3/Wii/PC/PSP/DS

Developer: EA Canada

Publisher: EA Sports

I walked into my mate’s lounge the other day to see a football match on the television. Bizarrely it featured England playing an autumn friendly against the Young Boys of Bern. It took me a little while to realise that Andy Gray kept repeating himself at the worst possible moments and that either the match clock was telling me that time had sped up, or I was somehow slowing down while reality zoomed by at its usual pace and that I’d sealed myself in some fourth dimensional traffic jam. Looking closer I realised that whilst the players on the screen did in fact look remarkably life-like, Wayne Rooney did kinda appear slightly more beaten-with-the-ugly-stick than usual, and that what I was actually witnessing was a game of FIFA 10 in progress. Six hours, and numerous Live Lounge matches later, I had run into town to buy my own copy.

Read the rest of this review at Dealspwn.com

5 points off the pace from the top of the table. Feels bad. And yet again we are done in by the referee. Feels real bad. This, despite playing some fantastic football and keeping the likes of Drogba, Essien, Lampard and Anelka silent. Feels like frikkin Arsenal. So what if the referee made an unfair decision against Chelsea, too?

Giving a yellow to Drogba for a Johny Evans foul seems like a license for Chelsea supporters to say that their United counterparts are overdoing the “ref did us in” debate.

Really?

Had Chelsea lost the game to some poor decisions, Well… We know the story. For refereeing mistakes such as in this game, its either the fans of one side who protest, or the other. All sane discussion goes out the window.

The equation is simple. Equip the referees, damn it! Get them aids (no pun intended) to help them make fair and balanced decisions. I’m not saying the refs are out to get us, or conspiring against us.

But why can’t anyone have the right to protest wrong decisions? For all the fuss made about the RESPECT campaign, there can be no faith, let alone respect, for referees who influence games toward unfair outcomes.

After letting the Darren bent balloon goal stand against Liverpool, the ref was demoted to refereeing in the championship. Does that make up for the mistake and points lost? No, Absolutely not.

It is a matter of highest concern, and the colours of protesting fans can only keep changing with passing games. It was blue in start of may after Barcelona qualified for the Finals of Champions League, Red yesterday, and who knows what tomorrow.

On a more encouraging note, United had a nice game yesterday, refereeing atrocities apart. Our performance was awesome and we outperformed and outclassed Chelsea left, right and centre. So taking heart from the performance is the wisest thing to do.

Critics of United, Beware. For, there can be no bigger disregard to the Premier League than underestimate Sir Alex Ferguson and Manchester United. Liverpool showed us off in the 90’s for our lack of titles compared to their 18. We stand on level ground now. We were written off several times last season owing to a bad start and the accompanying fixture pile-up. Ditto this time ’round, minus the fixture congestion and that can only be better for us. You can’t do us a bigger favour than underestimate United. Therein lies our strength, and your weakness.

Arsenal Column is very impressed by Alan Dzagoev’s use of space. Maybe we should bring him in along with Akinfeev who’s been scouted by ManUtd24.

RoM shows that Rooney apparently is so pleased with the 4-2-3-1 that he reckons it made it look like United had twelve men on the pitch.

This clip is rather average for the most part, but the last ten seconds are pure genius.

There are reasons, of course, to feel depressed after a defeat that left us five point adrift in the league. But I’m actually more positive about our prospects this season after this game than I was at kick-off.

Best of all was the shape of the team. On paper it looked like 4-5-1 designed mainly to contain Chelsea’s strong diamond by crowding the midfield. In reality it was often more like my favourite formation 4-2-3-1 with Carrick and Fletcher sitting deep and Anderson given licence to move forward between Valencia and Giggs and behind Rooney. This allowed us to control the midfield while maintaing flexibility to attack in numbers, and Rooney rarely looked as isolated as I feared he would be.

We’ve practiced this system from time to time in the past. Most successfully for a spell of perhaps a couple of months (I can’t remember during which season) when Louis Saha wasn’t injured. Saha up front with Ronaldo, Rooney and Giggs formed a very impressive unit. I hope we’ll see more of it in the future.

A solid performance also from the back four including third and fourth choice central defenders Jonny Evans and Wes Brown. The fears that they would be ripped apart by Drogba and Anelka were certainly not realised. In my opinion this too stemmed to some extent from excellent work by our midfield in cutting off the supply lines. So a little less need to worry about the fitness and form of Ferdinand and Vidic.

I suppose I might soon get tired of myself praising Antonio Valencia at every opportunity. He was involved in many of our best moves and also found time to keep Ashley Cole very quiet.

I fully understand why Ferguson preferred Giggs for this game, but next time please let us see more than just a few minutes of Gabriel Obertan. Another good cameo from him.

All in all a very promising game. Pity about the three points.

A couple of very big (in my not-so-humble opinion, at least) matches went down this weekend, with some producing more exciting results than others. This week there was a double countdown to what I thought were two of the biggest Red v. Blue matches this year. In England we had arguably the two largest Premiership contenders in Chelsea and Manchester United going head-to-head, while in Italy Scudetto favourites Internazionale went testa-alla-testa with my beloved (but struggling terribly) AS Roma.

Football:

Arsenal 4-1 Wolverhampton – Sure, Chelsea and United are probably the two favourites in the Premiership race this season, but I’m not fool enough to dismiss Arsenal as also-rans just yet. For one thing, the Gunners are on a hot streak of 13 unbeaten matches in all competitions. For another thing, one of those matches consisted of something of an Arsenal youth squad (but then again, aren’t all their squads youth squads?) defeating admittedly-struggling Liverpool in Carling Cup play. On the other hand, this weekends performance in particular wasn’t all that impressive, and it might be more appropriate to say that Wolverhampton lost the match rather than saying Arsenal won it. The Molineux Stadium offered the Wolves no security, as the visitors went up 3-0 before the end of the first half, with 2 of those goals being put into the Wolves’ own net by their defenders Ronald Zubar and Joey Craddock. Cesc Fàbregas would provide the third. Andrei Arshavin added his name to the scoresheet in the second half, and Joey Craddock somewhat atoned for his errors by scoring a consolation goal (in Arsenal’s net, this time) in the 89th minute. Along with the result of the Chelsea-United match this afternoon, this win in Wolverhampton sees Arsenal climb to second in the League table.

Perhaps one day Drogba will follow the footsteps of Vinnie Jones to Hollywood.

Chelsea 1-0 Manchester Utd A fairly controversial match – but then again, it was always going to be. There’s bound to be a million gripes from United fanboys about the various ‘injustices’ committed against them today, so if you’re a Blues fan gloat with caution, because you’re likely to receive a long series of whines in response. Let me say a few things: Darren Fletcher’s foul was not a foul, Drogba should probably retire and become an actor, and Jonny Evans is a little punk. Many tempers flared during the match, and it seemed as if a full-out brawl was imminent at points, but alas they kept their heads and all that came of it was a flurry of yellow cards. It was nevertheless dramatic, though, with such highlights as the constant battle between Didier Drogba and Wes Brown providing (me, at least) with much entertainment. It would be Mr. Chelsea himself, John Terry, who would make the difference between the two sides, heading in what I believe was the only goal United have conceded from a set piece this year on 76′. I suppose that earns him a man of the match nod, but other contenders include Wayne Rooney, Nicolas Anelka and Michael Essien, who all gave 110% and played hard-nosed games (must’ve eaten their Toast’n'Butta this morning). Though Drogba’s theatrics were shameful, and he may have hauled down Wes Brown in the build-up to Chelsea’s goal, I have to call out Jonny Evans here, for his kung-fu kick to the chest of Drogba and then his tackle on Ricardo Carvalho long after the whistle. Horrific performance for the youngster; he should consider himself lucky that he wasn’t sent off. A win that sees Chelsea sitting 5 points clear atop the EPL table, and which should boost their morale for weeks to come. As for United; well I’m sure we’ll hear all about how they feel.

Manchester City 3-3 Burnley – Bad news all over Manchester this weekend, it seems. City have been struggling for weeks now, and had drawn their 4 previous fixtures. Well, make it five, Citizens. Newly-promoted Burnley are notoriously shoddy away from home, yet a late goal helped them to steal a point at the City of Manchester Stadium in a 6-goal draw. Burnley in fact took an early 2-0 lead over their hosts after Graham Alexander converted a spot kick and Steven Fletcher found the back of the net. City fought back, and goals from Shaun Wright-Phillips, Kolo Toure and Craig Bellamy saw them take control of the game by the 56th minute. However, they were unable to keep hold of that control and on 87′ Burnley substitute Kevin McDonald scored to bring his side level for once and for all. I’m sure Burnley won’t be happy to have given up that initial 2-0 lead, but all in all, this is a result which should leave Owen Coyle pleased and Mark Hughes with his head in his hands.

Futbol:

The dangerous duo nearly gave Los Blancos a run for their money.

Real Madrid 3-2 Atlético Madrid – Well, El Clásico never fails to disappoint. Even in a season where Atléti has struggled so badly that they have been forced to make a change in management, against Los Blancos they always bring their all. It seemed at first that Real would simply stroll to a Clásico win this season, after Kaká gave his side the lead on 5′, with Marcelo and Higuaín adding their names to the scoresheet on 24′ and 64′, respectively. However, Los Colchoneros would battle back late in the second half after Sergio Ramos was given his marching orders on 66′; a frenzied 2 minutes would see Diego Forlán and Sergio Agüero pull two goals back for their side with 10 minutes left to play. Manuel Pellegrini’s men would ultimately be able to hold off their crosstown rivals, but Quique Sánchez Flores can at least take heart from his side’s spirited fightback. An exciting Clásico, to say the least.

Barcelona 4-2 Mallorca – Samuel Eto’o commented this week that if he had not been bound by his duties to Inter, he would have traveled to the Camp Nou to see his ex-sides face off against one another – he would have sat directly at the centre line so as to not betray his allegiance to one over the other. I gotta say, Sammy, from a Romanista’s point of view, I wish you’d gone. But I digress. Barcelona youngster Pedro gave his side an early lead on 10′, only for Mallorca’s Nunes to equalize from a corner kick just under 10 minutes later. Pedro wasn’t finished yet, though and on 39′ restored the lead to his side, smashing home the third rebound after Mallorca keeper Aouate denied teammates Thierry Henry and Sergi Busquets. The two would get their chance just a few moments later, when Busquets sent in a cross for Henry, who beat Aouate with a diving header to make it 3-1. Lionel Messi was introduced after the break to further increase Barca’s tally – he would eventually, but he would take his time, and it would only be from the spot after teammate Ibrahimovic was brought down in the area. Mallorca sub Alhassane Keita would earn one back for his side late into stoppage time, but ultimately it was too little too late and Barcelona would cruise to an easy victory.

Fußball:

Bayern München 1-1 Schalke 04 – Bayern have been demoralized over and over again the past two weeks, and were perhaps unenthused to face the stiff challenge of Schalke this weekend. Schalke sit above Die Roten in the standings, and looked to pressure the home side early, forcing them into rash challenges and using their wingers to cause Bayern problems on the break. Both sides traded chances in the early stages of the match, but ultimately it would be Bayern who would get ahead first, with a little bit of luck. On 31′ Holger Badstuber lofted in a long ball to Miroslav Klose, whose headed effort deflected off of Kevin Kuranyi and landed at the feet of Daniel van Buyten, who duly buried it. However, Joel Matip, making his debut for Die Königsblauen, was able to cancel out the home side’s advantage with a strike of his own on 43′. The teams would go into the half level, and when they came back it was all Bayern – Louis van Gaal’s men poured forward and for the better part of the half had their visitors pinned in their own end. However, no matter what Bayern did, they were unable to find the back of the net, and both van Gaal and Felix Magath’s sides would come away from the game with a point. Bayern need to get themselves out of this current slump if they are to have any chance of keeping alive their hopes of European and domestic conquest.

Calcio:

AS Roma 1-1 Inter – I think I’ll tackle this one in its own article.

Mauro Camoranesi makes the difference for Juventus once again.

Juventus 5-2 Atalanta – It seems that when Mauro Camoranesi is on form, so is La Vecchia Signora. Forget Brazilians and expensive summer signings (and those that are one and the same); the success of Ciro Ferrara’s squad depends on the performance of the Italian international, who has been with i Bianconeri since 2002. In the case of yesterday’s game, it was Camoranesi’s brace which opened up the scoring in a 5-2 drubbing of Atalanta. Felipe Melo, Diego and David Trezeguet would account for the other 3 goals on Juventus’s part, while Valdes and Fabio Ceravolo pulled back 2 for the home side. This is a very positive result for Juve; while Atalanta generally climb to midtable at the best of times, they are nonetheless notoriously difficult to defeat at home. With Inter tying Roma and yesterday’s drubbing in Bergamo, Juve move to 5 points off of first place.

AC Milan 2-1 SS Lazio – I give Davide Ballardini until the end of the month. After the horrendous loss to Villareal in Europa League play on Thursday, Lazio needed some kind of result to break them out of a long, long losing streak. Admittedly, this revived AC Milan team are not the easiest team to achieve it against, but if they are going to do it anywhere, it would be in their Roma’s house, the Stadio Olimpico. As it can plainly be seen, they did not achieve said result. Thiago Silva and Alexandre Pato both found the Lazio net with first-half goals to dash whatever hopes could still be held in the Curva Nord even before the halftime whistle. However, Lazio were handed a lifeline when Thiago Silva deflected the ball into his own net after some deft play by Mauro Zarate. After that own-goal, gli Aquilotti seriously threatened to equalize, with Tommaso Rocchi and Mauro Zarate both coming close to restoring parity. In the end though, AC Milan would grab a valuable 3 points, while Lazio return to their fortress of solitude media silence to ponder what continues to go wrong.

Fiorentina 1-0 Udinese – It took them 84 minutes, but la Viola were able to to squeak by midtable side Udinese with some help from a Juan Manuel Vargas strike. It was  night of missed chances for both sides; a race to the finish where both teams were misfiring on all cylinders. Fiorentina had the bulk of the chances, with 14 shots and 5 on target, compared to Udinese’s 7 and 2. However, only one of those shots would make a difference tonight at the Stadio Friuli, and it would be Vargas’ set-piece shot. That shot earned i Gigliati a victory which sees them only 1 point behind AC Milan in the standings, sitting comfortably in 4th place.

Oh Ian Wright. Has your TV career meant you now have less time to write ridiculous columns claiming you don’t know who some Premiership footballers are? It seems so. There is a void. Steve Claridge won’t keep me going forever. If only someone else got paid by Mr Murdoch’s media empire to write unadulterated tosh.

Wait…what’s that?

WAYNE ROONEY’S baby son Kai should be giving Premier League defences sleepless nights

Ah! Step forward, former Seattle Sounders player-assistant manager, Harry Redknapp!

In this exciting edition of ‘Arry’s Mems the Redknapp speculates on what effect becoming a father will have on Wayne Rooney. In fact, before I copy any more of the article let’s just have a little quiz amongst ourselves on what conclusions the Spurs boss will draw.

How will Wayne Rooney’s son affect his ability to kick a ball twice a week?

A) No effect whatsoever

B) He will be late to training, due to being locked in a washing machine by mischievous prankster child

C) He will win the World Cup, mainly due to having become a father.

If your answer was C) then you are a winner! It was pretty obvious really, wasn’t it?

For Wayne’s transition into fatherhood will give him added maturity on and off the pitch.

It can only help Manchester United and England.
…

England is crying out for him to bring back the World Cup and having a kid will have surprising benefits.

So, there you go. I can’t wait for the summer of 2010 now. I can just picture it – after the scenes of excitement and jubilation die down, after the shots of Wayne Rooney slotting the World Cup winning goal past a helpless German ‘keeper have been played and re-played, after all of the nation has come together as one to celebrate winning the World Cup – in a TV studio in South Africa three men will take time to reflect:

Lineker: So, there you have it – England victorious. But how did we get here, Alan and Mark? Was it the appointment of Capello? Was it Fabio’s surprise decision to call up versatile Scunthorpe United midfielder Matthew Sparrow to his World Cup squad? What was the turning point for you?

Hansen: Well, you can bang on about a good team mentality and all that all you like. But for me there’s one reason and one reason only why England have won this World Cup – Kai Rooney.

[Lawro nods sagely, whilst eating a Kit Kat]

Without Kai there’d be no maturity in Wayne’s game and England would have been on the plane home after the quarter finals. It’s like I’ve always said, Gary, you can’t win anything without kids.

Linker: Indeed. Mark, turning point for you?

Lawro: Urgh, well I hate to say it Gary, but I agree with Alan.

[good natured chuckling erupts amongst the three]

I mean, I don’t usually like kids. In fact, they’re the bain of my life. Before we came out here to South Africa I went in my local shop to stock up on sweets and some kids had been in before me and bought all the gobstoppers!

[takes a moment to compose himself]
But yeah, it’s hard to look past Colleen popping out a tot as the reason England won this World Cup.

Lineker: Well, I think we can all agree on that one then. Thank you, Kai Rooney.

[the self-satisfied laughing of Harry Redknapp rings out across the land, as a nation celebrates]

Apparently, Katie and Peter are Planning to get back together after Christmas.. Publicity Stunt or WHAT!?

-Coleen has given birth to a baby boy, nine days late. Little Kai Wayne Rooney will make a nice addition to their family.

-It Seems Katie Price swayed to the wierd side a tiny bit when launching her new book ‘Standing Out’ after persuading boyfriend Alex and three of his friends to dress up like her for a very unusual photo shoot. But apparently this isn’t that big of a thing for him since it’s rumoured he’s quite a fan of – *coughs* cross dressing..

-Leona Lewis’ attacker revealed to be an previous X-Factor Contestant. Peter Kowalczyk punched Leona in the face at a book signing purely outof apparent jealousy. Poor Leona.. =/

-Apparently Cheryl’s Solo Single ‘Fight For This Love’ was all about her husband Ashley, after various accusations of him being unfaithful..

-It’s rumoured that Lindsay Lohan made a very noticable visit to Leonardio Decaprio at his LA Home.. Hm.

-Lots have said that on her previous performance of Fight for this Love on the X-Factor Cheryl Cole MIMED. Cheryl, Don’t Ruin Your Solo Career After only just beginning it..

With the World Series coming to a close Wednesday night, the sporting landscape feels a little barren. That being said, there are tons of sports being played all over the world to pick, so watch out, I might throw in a Premiership or La Liga pick on top of the usual football. One huge SEC matchup headlines the weekend, but there are several intriguing matchups this weekend. That’s why I’m here.

Yeah, they hate him THAT much.

LSU (+7.5) @ Alabama

I will admit up front to not keeping up with my LSU football. I do not know what the Mad Hatter has been doing with hisBayou Bengals. However, I know a few things about the Tide, and it is enough for me to make this pick safely. LSU is probably either the best or second best team Alabama has played this year with Virginia Tech being the other. Bama has defied logic a bit with playing much closer and less solid games at home than on the road and this one is at home. We all know about Mark Ingram is a workhorse, but Greg McElroy has really struggled through the year and there may be nothing harder than trying to run a truly one dimensional offense. If LSU does not have the respect the pass, it will be much harder for Ingram to run. If LSU tackles and can put up 17 points they have a legitimate shot to win, but I am going with the Crimson Tide to win it. Not by the full 7.5 but they will win. Should be a great watch.

Ohio State @ Penn State (-5)

I hate picking Penn State games for the simple reason of not knowing which Nittany Lions team is going to show up. The scores of the games show that they always put up points, but there is just something about them that makes you ask questions. When they lost to Iowa, it was surprising but it turned out that Iowa was pretty good. In that game, Daryl Clark looked horrible and could not find his rhythm for his life. Ever since that game the offense has looked fine, but it makes you wonder if there will come another game where he just can’t hit his rhythm. Ohio State has really struggled lately and has even had Buckeyes faithful questioning if wunderkind Terrelle Pryor should even be playing quarterback. Look for Penn State to cover their spread but not with any sort of confidence if they get out of the gates slowly.

Keep swaggin. Expect at least 2 sacks against Big Ben

Pittsburgh (-3) @ Denver   on Monday Night Football

I have found myself struggling to pick against the Broncos this year. I like how they play defense, I like their p

layers, and I like the efficiency and balance of their offense. I just enjoy watching them play football. I think the Steelers have lost contact with their roots with the running game, need upgrades on the offensive lines, and that their defense is not what it once was. So why am I taking the Steelers to cover? Very simple, they have rest. The bye week advantage hasnot been overly pronounced this year, but I think this week it shows up. The Steelers defense saw a lot of things it can do against Denver after Baltimore finally shut them down, and the Steelers have personnel similar enough to Baltimore to pull it off. The Broncos defense will make Big Ben’s life hell, but he will battle through it and continue his outstanding season. Tough game to pick, but it is Pittsburgh.

Barclays Premier League

Chelsea v. Manchester United

Soccer makes its maiden voyage into OuttaTown Clowns with a dandy of a match. Chelsea sits top of the table with

They know what's at stake

Manchester sitting in second. Everyone thought this would be a down year for United after Cristiano Ronaldo’s departure for Real Madrid, but the Red Devils had no such idea and have been their usual unflappable selves thus far, the loss at Burnley notwithstanding. Chelsea has had similar success with only a loss to Wigan Athletic to truly tarnish their resume. There are some great individual matchups too with the great strikers Drogba and Rooney, great defenders in Terry and Ferdinand and great midfielders in Lampard and Giggs among others. This game should have just about all you could ask for as far as both storylines and quality of play. The obvious problem for most is that it is not widely televised in the states. This site sometimes has the feed if you are interested. Well, it is now time to pick it because that is what we do. I am taking Chelsea 2-1 in this one. All the matchups listed above favor Chelsea at the moment and Manchester struggled to earn a tie in Moscow in midweek Champions League action. It is hard to bet against Sir Alex, but this one should go Chelsea’s way at Stamford Bridge.

Just for fun, let’s call the scorers. Drogba on a cross in the 38th minute. Lampard in the 73rd minute from a free kick. Owen draws Manchester within 1 in the 80th minute but it won’t be enough. Blues stay top of the table.

I don’t know about ‘Awesome’ but this Wayne ‘Rodney’ Rooney clip is pretty impressive. I mean, I could do that by age twelve so he’s a bit behind but well played anyway Rodney. I’d always be a bit nervous around the man myself. You’d never know if he was going to flip out at any moment and start licking your face or humping your leg. He sure can kick a ball though. And he named his child Kai. Wasn’t that Superman’s Kryptonion name? And Rodney proposed to Colleen on a petrol forecourt in Liverpool. Classy. Good lord I am just full of useful information aint i?

A word of advice for Rio Ferdinand: you will have plenty of time to attend movie premieres, start a music label and run your very own magazine when you decide to hang up your boots. Until then, as long as a fat cheque comes to your house every week signed by Manchester United Football Club, kindly concentrate all your energy and effort on the pitch.

Ferdinand attended a premiere in London just hours after flying back from the CSKA match in Moscow. The movie he attended was called Dead Man Running (which is how some people would describe the way he’s defending now), which he co-produced with Ashley Cole. A few days later, he was up against Fernando Torres at Anfield and we all know what happened there.

There is no doubting the England international’s quality. On his day, he is the best defender on the planet. Sadly, during the night, he thinks he’s a hip-hop artist.

He has mentioned his desire to continue playing into his late thirties. With his persistent back problem, if he wants to be the English Paulo Maldini, he certainly needs to look after himself and stick to the special core-based training regime United has set out for him, which includes massage therapy several times a week. Most men would give their right hand to get free massages every week.

Sir Alex Ferguson might be regretting his decision not to sign any defensive reinforcements over the summer. He thought, as many of us did, that United’s first choice backline was in good shape and the likes of Jonny Evans, Wes Brown and the da Silva twins would provide more than adequate reinforcement when injuries and suspensions kicked in.

These squad players have not disappointed when called upon. It’s the established personnel like Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic and even John O’ Shea, who you could count upon to give a 6.5/10 performance every week in almost any position, that have not stepped up so far this season.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Was it a mistake to let Gerard Pique leave for Barcelona? He’s in the Spanish first XI now but he had struggled with the pace of the English game, one of the reasons why he never made the step up from the reserves and was let go for a paltry six million pounds. Would he have been able to stop Torres from scoring that first goal at Anfield?

Form is temporary, class is permanent. United desperately need Vidic and Ferdinand to re-establish their brick wall at the back. A solid central defensive pairing breathes confidence into the rest of the team. After all, the best offence is a good defence. I’m on a roll with all these sporting clichés!

A bigger problem for Sir Alex has been the lack of a dictator (not the Mussolini kind) in the middle of the park. At this moment in time, no one in a United jersey is in the mould of Cesc Fabregas or Xavi and this has hurt the Red Devils attacking play, especially against the bigger sides. It’s been a long time since the slots of Captain Courageous (Roy Keane) and Captain Creativity (Eric Cantona) were taken up.

Paul Scholes, for all his cross-field passes and terribly mistimed tackling, has looked out of place and breath trying to keep up with the fast paced nature of the game today. A lot of faith seems to be placed on the shoulders of young Gabriel Obertan, who could turn out to be the next Franck Ribery. Put him under too much pressure and he becomes David Bellion.

The risk of being dominated by teams employing packed midfields is greater now that Sir Alex has reverted to the 4-4-2 formation of yesteryear. It has suited the pure wing-play of Antonio Valencia but has heaped plenty of responsibility on the two central midfielders to dominate proceedings.

Whilst Anderson and Darren Fletcher have shown themselves to be up for the task, questions are still being raised over the supply to the forwards through the middle. Wayne Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov have dropped back many times out of frustration for the lack of chances being created for them. Would someone like Daniele de Rossi or Yoann Gourcuff be the missing jigsaw piece of the United midfield puzzle?

Again, in hindsight, should Fergie have splashed the Ronaldo transfer cash on David Silva from Valencia? The Spaniard oozes quality and would have been a good fit in the United team. He could rotate the left wing and forward position with Rooney, just as the latter does on England duty with Steven Gerrard to such great effect.

What makes Sir Alex stand apart from all of us is his tremendous foresight. It has served him so well in the past and this season will be no different – I hope. Or else Rio Ferdinand’s music career may be starting sooner than we expected.

Browsing the daily something-or-other today I see amidst the gripping news that Cheryl Cole has spent £15,000 on her teeth and 42 year old film director Sam Taylor-Wood is engaged to her 19 year old boyfriend (eek), that the naming of Wayne Rooney’s son has made the news – his baby is called Kai apparently and is doing very nicely.

Let's hope Coleen's genes are dominant eh?

Yes – Shrek and wife have chosen a half decent name and I’d have thought that in itself was news, given that Becks went for Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz whilst Jermaine Jackson’s unfortunate son is stuck with Jermajesty ( sounds like a serious piss take doesn’t it?)  and in happier times Katie and Peter chose Princess Tiaamii for their poppet.

A New Zealand judge with a serious grudge against crazy names recently spoke out as he named a nine year old child with the tragic moniker “Talulah Does The Hula” a ward of court. That name alone is enough to justify his decision I’d have thought. He listed some others which included Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit and Sex Fruit (!!!)

Whilst I don’t agree with Germany’s policies on everything I do think they have a point when they came up with the idea of an acceptable list of names from which parents must choose. The list, according to German pals of mine, is very long and includes some new and “arty” names but nothing bizarre or foolish.

Hans, Karl or Konrad but no Fish and Chips for ze Germans

Of course if you are determined that your child should be a laughing stock you can officially name him Hans and call him whatever the German version of Yeah Detroit is (Ja Bayern Munchen?) but at least it prevents the nutters from lumbering their kids with a risible name officially. I speak as one who had to dissuade her partner from ”Enoch” for our son but at least it’s a name and not fast food. I don’t rant very often but honestly – there ought to be prison sentences for some of these parents…..

An outstanding goal from Darren Fletcher set Manchester United on their way to a 3-0 victory over Everton on Saturday that kept them within five points of league leaders Chelsea.

With Carlo Ancelotti?s side having beaten Wolves earlier, United could ill afford any slips although for long periods it looked as though they would struggle to break Everton down.

But Fletcher’s 35th-minute half-volley broke the deadlock before Antonio Valencia and Michael Carrick struck when the game opened up after the break and United ultimately ran out comfortable winners.

United coach Sir Alex Ferguson stated in the build-up to this game that he was growing increasingly concerned by the number of chances his side have failed to take this season.

The Scot’s forward options for the visit of Everton were reduced when Dimitar Berbatov was ruled out with a suspected knee problem following his goalscoring appearance for Bulgaria in their mid-week friendly win in Malta.

That meant the United boss paired Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen up front for only the second time this season in the hope that the duo would finally rekindle the understanding they once showed for England.

However, there were precious few signs of the two strikers gelling during a disjointed opening period when the home side struggled to break down the packed Everton defence despite dominating possession.

And while Everton ceded territorial advantage, they comfortably cut out any meaningful supply to Owen and Rooney and the early signs were that this would be a frustrating 90 minutes for Ferguson and his players.

Rooney sliced a half-chance wide in the 14th minute after Fletcher?s excellent pass had released Patrice Evra down the left-hand flank moments before Ryan Giggs sent a low drive tamely wide and Valencia skied over.

Everton offered little as an attacking force with Louis Saha?s snapshot, easily dealt with by Edwin van Der Sar, the sum total of their first-half efforts.

Neither Valencia nor Evra were making much headway down the flanks while Rooney was proving uncharacteristically ineffective through the middle.

United needed a spark of inspiration from somewhere and it came in the 35th minute when Fletcher capped his excellent work in midfield with a superbly controlled finish that gave visiting keeper Tim Howard no chance.

The opening arose after Evra had worked his way forward on United’s left flank before directing a deep cross towards the far post where Valencia laid off a cushioned header into the path of Fletcher, who struck the bouncing ball into the top-left corner from the edge of the area.

Everton opened up after the break but their hopes of a comeback disappeared in the 67th minute when Carrick collected a pass from Giggs and drilled a low shot beyond Howard.
The Merseysiders were then forced to chase the game, and Valencia sealed a home victory when he broke into the box and saw his shot deflect off Leighton Baines and into the goal with 14 minutes remaining.

So it turns out that United are prepared to give Wayne Rooney, £170000 a week to kill off any interest from sunny Barcelona. But does the move make him football’s highest paid player?

News of the World reports!

Me thinks footballers are paid far too much and these wages are out of this world. To many, am a hater and one who doesn’t want to accept the idea that footballing talent is rare and so MUST be rewarded handsomely. But hang on a second, is £45,000 ugly?

WAYNE ROONEY will become the highest-paid player in Premier League history and the face of Manchester United for the next decade.

United chiefs will offer him an astonishing £170,000-a-week contract when negotiations open next February.

And that will include a £45,000-a-week image rights deal to become Old Trafford’s poster boy.

United have become increasingly aware of temptations from Spain for Rooney with Barcelona having put him top of their wanted list for the summer.

Rooney knows of Barca’s interest and is intrigued by the prospect of lining up alongside the likes of Lionel Messi but still retains a huge loyalty to United.

The Old Trafford hierarchy plan to reward that loyalty with the most lucrative contract in the club’s history.

Considerable work has already been done on the deal behind the scenes but no talks can take place until January when the ban on Rooney’s agent, Paul Stretford is lifted.

The deal will include a a major image rights element which overshadows United’s previous highest agreement with Cristiano Ronaldo.

Ronaldo had an image rights agreement with the club, but that was affected when he launched his CR7 range.

Rooney, who is already contracted to United’s shirt sponsor Nike, will be far easier to tie up.

There is an eagerness at United to seal an agreement before the World Cup where Rooney seems certain to emerge as one of the stars of the tournament – prompting an even greater demand from the biggest clubs around the world.