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The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 14:48:39 +0000

Every week the the degenerate gamblers who run this site attempt to pick games for the upcoming college football weekend. We are usually completely and totally wrong, blinded by team allegiance, alumni status, and probably a 5th of Makers. That being the case, we’ve enlisted help of professionals…not for the Makers problem, but for the gambling one. The Geek Sheet experts have decided to set us all straight this season. They’ll be here to give you the winners, blow your mind with high level statistical analysis, and shamelessly plug their own site…which is something we have great admiration for. Be sure to check out their site for more. Now, on to the picks…

Records

The Juice: 35-24-1

Mike Medallion: 19-40-1

Bunkie Perkins: 30-29-1

The Geek: 27-32-1

Bama -10 @ Auburn

The Juice: Auburn. There is a different between what I truly believe and what I will pick. I just can’t do it. I think Auburn can play Bama tough for 3 quarters, but they do not have the horses right now to pull off the upset.

Mike Medallion: ALABAMA. Let’s just pray that my losing streak continues.

Bunkie Perkins: Auburn. For no other reason than the fact that 2 of 3 FOTPers are at the game and all three of us are in the state of Alabama for the holiday. Thats got to mean something other than the fact that all three of us couldn’t find anything better to do on Thanksgiving.

The Geek. Auburn. Tre Smith Takes the Tide to the woodshed…wha??? Stranger things have happened, and in all honestly if AU keep it close in the 1st Q they have the offense to extend this into the 4th quarter.

Ole Miss -8 @ Miss State

TJ: Ole Miss. Ole Miss is finding their identity, Miss State is missing a Tebow like entity. One of these will prevail.

MM: Ole Miss. In honor of The Blind Side…being such a hit movie.

BP: Ole Miss. I was witness to the most violently one sided football games in the history of this series last year. I don’t expect the same level of carnage this year, but the Rebs will muster up enough to get the win and cover in Starkvegas.

The Geek: Ole Miss. McCulster + Ole Miss D = too much for Team Cowbell

OU -9 1/2 @ Oklahoma State

TJ. OSU. Ssrly. Cowboyz.

MM. OSU. Because of the MAN.

BP: OSU. If I was a smart man, I’d tell you that the 9 1/2 point spread here indicates that Vegas knows something…but thankfully Ive never been accused of such…the Cowboys put the Sooners out of their misery.

The Geek: OSU. Cowboys match up pretty well here, and OU finishes the limp home to the finish line this year

Florida -24 1/2 @ FSU

TJ: Florida. Expect a Tebow/Meyer post-game embrace that will garner more FCC complaints than the Adam Lambert AMA performance.

MM: FSU. Now it’s officially going to be a blowout for the Gators.

BP: Florida State. Only a heartless bastard would pick against Tebow on Senior Day…so yeah.

The Geek: Florida. FSUs D can’t stop anyone, and even a conservative Urban Meyer should cruise to 40…I think 14 is a gift for FSU against the UF D.

BONUS PICKS

UGA +9.5 @ GA TECH

TJ: GA TECH. I repeat: UGA suxors.

Syracuse (+12.5) @ UCONN

MM. UCONN. Let’s try this again…when all else fails, pick the team playing Syracuse. Especially one coming off one of the biggest wins in school history…there’s not going to be a let down the following week, right? Crap. I suck, but I’ll stick with the pick anyway.

LSU – 3 1/2 v. Arkansas

BP: LSU. Not even LSU fan thinks they’ll cover this weekend, but Arkansas can’t win on the road and LSU’s secondary will limit Mallet’s effectiveness. Tigers by double digits.

New Mexico State +11 (18) @ SJSU (19)

TG: This is one of our recommended plays for the week. Despite being just 36-38-2 this year we have a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (245-147-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We have 6 recommended plays on Saturday (including NMSU) Click here for our recommended plays this week. To see our analysis of the NMSU game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com or clicking here.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:20:52 +0000

Records

The Juice: 33-21-1

Mike Medallion: 19-35-1

Bunkie Perkins: 27-27-1

The Geek: 25-29-1

LSU +3 @ Ole Miss

The Juice: LSU. LSU losing at home at the half last week to LA TECH? Ole Miss putting it all together and dominating a tough Tennessee team. This seems like a lock, but Ole Miss hasn’t been able to put together two good games in a row all year and LSU still has 87 four and five star recruits on their roster. A Vegas trap? Me thinks so. Corndogs. Boosh.

Mike Medallion: Ole Miss. In honor of The Blind Side opening this weekend.

Bunkie Perkins: Ole Miss. Ole Miss went into Tiger Stadium last year and skull drug LSU. This year’s Rebel team is not as good, but neither is LSU. Jordan Jefferson starts for the Tigers but his immobility thanks to a bum ankle gets him killed by a superior Ole miss D-line. Enter Jarret Lee…and well, we all know how that ends.

The Geek: Ole Miss. How LSU is still a top 10 team is beyond me. Even w/ Jefferson and Scott they were just average on O, and would struggle vs a very good Ole Miss D…remove Scott and maybe even Jefferson and it will be a long day for the hot dogs on a stick. LSU 19, Ole Miss 27

Uk +7 ½ @ UGA

TJ: UK. I’m sorry UGA VII, bless your ugly bulldog face in the kennel in the sky. I just don’t think the Dawgs are worth a damn. Lucky for them last weekend neither is Auburn.

MM: UGA. I had 19 wins last week. I have 19 wins this week. How much confidence do I have in this pick? None.

BP: Georgia. Playing for their fallen pooch, but more importantly, playing for a trip to Shreveport. The Dog’s win going away.

The Geek: UGA. The majority of our math is on UGA, and some by a fairly decent margin (projecting 15-17 pt wins); however we a couple indicators showing an outright UK W, which will keep us on the sidelines although I suspect the Dawgs will pull away late. Uk 21, UGA 31

Ohio St. -12 @ Michigan

TJ. OSU. Rich Rod could have been the patron Saint of the state of West Virginia. Soon he may not even be employed in the state of Michigan. Honestly I’m not sure which is better.

MM. OSU. Rich Rod is about as bad as I am at making picks each week.

BP: Michigan. For no other reason than 12 is alot of points to give up at home in a rivalry game. An improbable win by Michigan this weekend would also make RichRod’s job security a little stronger.

The Geek: Michigan. I don’t have any real good reason for this one as our math is pretty sideways, but I don’t see Tressell Ball routing big blue at home when Michigan projects 21+ in every model…god help Richie Rod if the Buckeyes dot them for 35 which is what they’ll need for a cover given our projections for Michigan. Ohio St. 30 @ Michigan 21

Oregon -5 @ Zona

TJ: Oregon. Wut?

MM: Oregon. Once again, another PAC-10 game?

BP: Zona. What game would you people have me choose instead? Arkansas/State? Florida or Bama playing nobodies? As a peace offering, enjoy an Oregon cheerleader photoshoot.

The Geek: Oregon. Our math calls for a 32.75-26 Oregon win so have fun if you want any piece of this…there isn’t any one model we use that shows either team covering by more than 2…in a coin flipping contest we’ll go with the Ducks. Oregon 33 @ Zona 26

BONUS PICKS

Vanderbilt (+17) @ Tennessee

TJ: Tennessee. Tennessee is pissed after letting Tiny Dexter garner 10,000 all purpose yards in one game. Vandy has no Dexters. Vandy is also being back to sucky Vandy of old and Tennessee is at home and owes them one. Vols, Bitch Big assuming no players are arrested between now and then.

Rutgers (-8.5) @ Syracuse

MM. Rutgers. When all else fails, pick the team playing Syracuse.

Arkansas -11 v. Miss. State

BP: Arkansas. State i limping to the end of the season and Arkansas is making a push for the Cotton Bowl. Little ARock will be jumpin’ (as much as Little Rock can be, I guess) as the Hogs put 40+ on the Bullies.

Hawaii 31, SJSU 20

This is one of our recommended plays for the week. Despite being just 33-36-2 this year we have a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (242-145-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We have 8 recommended plays on Saturday (including Hawaii). To see our analysis of the Hawaii game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:29:49 +0000

Records

The Juice: 31-18-1

Mike Medallion: 19-30-1

Bunkie Perkins: 26-23-1

The Geek: 23-26-1

UT -4 ½ @ Ole miss

The Juice: Tennessee. NEVER count Crompton out. Or is it never count Crompton in? Whichever I hate that Greg Hardy has retired for the year at Ole Miss. His services will be missed against a devastating runner like Ontarrio Travesty (is that right?) and a rolling out Crompton. A showing by Good Snead could go a long way for the Rebs, but an Evil Snead sighting could spell disaster. I’m thinking a Tennessee team on a hot streak of moral victories, pulls out a real win in Oxford this weekend.

Mike Medallion: Tennessee. I have given up commentary indefinitely. See My Record (19-30-1).

Bunkie Perkins: Tennessee. This was the craziest looking line earlier in the week, but then after the whole Pellet gun/Prius crime wave that has hit selected Pilot Filling Stations in the greater Knoxville area, the spread looks a little more realistic. Ole Miss is limping home down the stretch, while Tennessee has gotten progressively better as the year has gone on. It’ll also be Coach O’s return to Oxford so you can bet he’ll be voicing his urgency for a win to his players in his most broken and profanity laced Creole tounge.

The Geek: UThug. Our models were all over the place on this game. I guess we will wait until the official police report to see who actually is eligible for the game Saturday (www.knoxsheriff.org – (865) 215-2476). From what our intelligence has gathered from the DA, I would say UThug wins this one outright.

Iowa +17 @ Ohio St.

TJ: Iowa. Thanks Bunkie for choosing this Big 11 snooze-fest over THE DEEP SOUTH’S OLDEST RIVALRY. I see how it is going to be. I’ll go with Iowa because 17 points seems like a lot and I’m sure it is going to be so cold and dreary there nobody will really care to play long enough to take any sort of 17 point lead.

MM: OSU. Again, no comment. See above.

BP: Ohio St. Put a fork in Iowa, they are done. Ricky Stanzi is likely calling it a season and it looks like Terrell Pryor is hitting his stride. Off a big win over Penn St., I think the be-sweater vested one takes care of business in the Shoe.

The Geek: Iowa. Most of our models thinks that the Hawk Eyes make this respectable. One little loss to NW and everyone turns on them like an out of control chimpanzee. I love betting against Ohio State and their world beater QB…but whatever you do, don’t bet on this game and their world-beater QB. It smells like corn wrapped in burnt hair.

Notre Dame +6 ½ @ Pitt

TJ. Notre Dame. Notre Dame rebounds with a point spread victory, BUT they lose. Haha. Yeah they lose again. Weis is booted (the boot is never recovered). Saban is offered $20,000,000 a year and papacy if he wants it.

MM. Pitt. F-Notre Dame (in general but also for the Navy game last week). There I said something.

BP: Pitt. Who would have even fathomed that I’d consider a Wanstache/Weiss match-up a major mismatch in Pitt’s favor? Notre Dame, finally, has been exposed for the over-hyped boy band that they have turned into…but that ain’t stopping ABC/ESPN from running their game in primetime like they are the By God Number One team in the country.

The Geek: Pitt. Let me start off by saying that I hate Notre Dame. With that being said, Pitt is the side here. Charlie is desperately fighting for his job…and life if you consider his cholesterol, and his Adult-Onset Diabetes Mellitus (Type II).I’ll go with the skinner coach.

Stanford +11 @ USC

TJ: USC. This was an actual tweet by Pete Carroll this week that leads me to believe he has USC ready to roll: “congrats to @taylorswift13 for sweeping the CMAs! she obviously had a great year of competing & kicking butt… keep it up!”

MM: USC. No comment, but why are we picking a PAC-10 game again?

BP: Stanford. With every week that goes by, USC is being outed for not being that fire breathing hound of hell that they have been for going on 10 years now. Stanford has the better quarterback and a Coach that has already seen a fair share of success against the Trojans. This one is a barn burner.

The Geek: Stanford. Look for The Cardinals to keep this one close. Jimmy Harbaugh is interviewing for the Notre Dame job on Saturday @ 3PM. Keep an eye on the outright win. Also, keep an eye on Jim Harbaugh’s wife. Seriously…look at her. She’s ridiculous.

BONUS PICKS

Auburn (+4.5) @ Georgia

TJ: Auburn. No matter how hard you try Bunkie, you can’t stop me from picking AUBURN (as long as Evil Todd stays home).

MM. University of Auburn. Just because Juice picked this game, which meant I didn’t have to go look for a line to another game.

LSU -24 v. Louisiana Tech

BP: LSU. I saw Tech with my own baby blues last week. They emptied the tank against Boise and they dont have a drop left for the trip to Baton Rouge. Even with Jarrett Lee starting, LSU rolls in this one. Tigers by at least 30.

San Diego State (-7) v. Wyoming

The Geek: San Diego State. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We have a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (245-147-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have 6-7 recommended plays on Saturday (including SDSU). We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:32:36 +0000

Records

The Juice: 27-17-1

Mike Medallion: 18-26-1

Bunkie Perkins: 22-22-1

The Geek: 20-24-1

LSU +8 @ Bama

The Juice: BAMA. I see this similar to the LSU/UF game with LSU really struggling on offense against an imposing Tahd D. I think a turnover returned for a Touchdown will allow Bama to win by 10 and cover the spread. As a result Nick Saban tattoos will spike 200% the following Sunday.

Mike Medallion: LSU.

I wonder if these two make the trip to T-Town again this year. Well, let’s just hope they (and Lesticles) have something to kiss about after this game is over. At the very least, LSU will keep this close, like the Vols did, which is all tha matters in The Meadows.

Bunkie Perkins: LSU. If the spread is less that a touchdown, Im probably rolling with the Tide here, but the current spread and the fact that on several occassions I was witness to Bama fan taunting LSU fan at the urinals at Talladega last weekend, I gotta go with the Tigers. i mean, really, who taunts another man midstream…seriously?

The Geek: LSU. That is the model average from our projections. 50% of our models have LSU covering with 1-2 pts to spare and the other 50% have ”>Bama covering with 1-2 points to spare…so how do you like your rednecks served…with a side of corndog or brilliantly constructed toilet paper stapled to laundry detergent? I’ll forgo the 0.75 pts of line value, and side with the Mad Hatter although I don’t have any really compelling reason why…Juice, is that what it feels like(mini boosh)? LSU 17 Alabama 23

OU -5 ½ @ Nebraska

TJ: Nebraska. I really have no clue, but it is pretty cold and dreary in Nebraska by now I’m guessing and I don’t trust Oklahoma since they killed Sam Bradford’s pro-prospects.

MM: Oklahoma. Going back many years ago, wasn’t this always a huge game? Not so much anymore, I guess. Probably why I, like The Juice, have no clue. Though, I haven’t heard much from Nebraska in the last few weeks, yet I still hear about Oklahoma for some reason, so I’ll go with them.

BP: Nebraska. Probably not the greatest idea to have a bunch of SEC-biased jerks pick a Big 12 match-up seeing as none of us have watched more than 2 minutes of Nebraska play all year. I’ve seen OU play, and what Ive seen isn’t overly impressive. I call a low scoring game and tight throughout for no other reason than my affinity for corn on the cob.

The Geek: Nebraska. This is one of our recommended plays this week, and one of our better ones. Nebraska has very favorable matchups and situational advantages in this game, chalk up the SU victory for the home team. OU 20, Nebraska 23

Houston +1 @ Tulsa

TJ. Houston. Let me tell you, I’ve studied both of these team’s game films religiously and… ok, not even going to try. I know they both have big offenses. I like Houston’s QB to throw 7 Touchdowns, 1 greater than Tulsa.

MM. Houston. Points. They’ll be lots of them…lots and lots and lots of them. Like Juice said, Houston scores a few more than Tulsa.

BP: Houston. A huge grizzly bear trap of a game. But Im picking out of spite here. Tulsa continues to screw me every week, what with their complete and total inability to cover…ever. How they are favored here blows my mind. Screw you Tulsa…and there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma…ever.

The Geek: Houston. This game is going to be as entertaining to watch as Tila Tequila on Celebrity Jeopardy. As fun as that would be to participate, you are not going to want to get beat up by Sean Merriman, or lose all of your money. Don’t bet on this game. Houston 35, Tulsa 32

Navy +11 @ Notre Dame

TJ: Notre Dame. Clausen blows up, wins the Heisman and Notre Dame naturally jumps up to #2 in the polls. DON’T QUESTION. It is what the media and NBC demands.

MM: Notre Dame.

After having to endure this the last time the Midshipmen were in South Bend, expect Weiss and Co. to show no mercy this time around.

BP: Navy. Please oh please for the love of derailing any chance of Jimmy Clausen winning the Heisman, Navy, somehow win this game. I also like NCIS…and mark harmon…he was awesome in “Summer School”, so go Navy.

The Geek: Navy. I’ve got projections calling for everything from a 27-26 Navy win to a 41-17 ND route…I’ll side with a decent Navy D and rush attack that should be able to keep ND off the field making 40 pretty challenging. Navy 25, ND 35

BONUS PICKS

South Carolina (+7) @ Arkansas

TJ: Arkansas. A trip to the Ozards, an 11:30 AM Kickoff, and several injured players for the Cocks. I don’t think they’ll wake up until they are on the flight home…

Connecticut (+16 1/2) @ Cincinnati

MM. Cincinnati. Cincy has a pretty good foosball team right now. And not to mention they wear black jerseys and black helmets (and not just on special occasions like Halloween or when they’re hopelessly outmatched against the #1 team in the country), and we all know that wearing black jerseys makes a team play better.

Oklahoma State -7 @ Iowa State

BP: Oklahoma State. No Dez Bryant in the mix but I think Zack Robinson figures it out enough to ge tthe cover in Ames. I just can’t in good conscience pick a team that shares its school colors with McDonald’s Restaurants.

TAMU (-3) 33 Colorado 23

The Geek: TAMU. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were 4-3 on our recommended plays last week and now 28-27-1 this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (242-145-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have 7 recommended plays on Saturday (including TAMU & Nebraska). To see our analysis of the TAMU game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:42:05 +0000

Records

The Juice: 25-14-1

Mike Medallion: 15-24-1

Bunkie Perkins: 19-20-1

The Geek: 18-21-1

Auburn +3 ½ v. Ole Miss

The Juice: Ole Miss. I’m still on the gus bus, but all four tires are flat and the tape deck isn’t even working. It isn’t unfixable, but as long as Chris Todd is behind the wheel I doubt we’ll get further than 3 yards down the road.

Mike Medallion: Ole Miss. Who are we kidding here? The only way I will get to experience a win at JHS this weekend is if I can convince Bunkie to leave by the start of the 4th Quarter. And for the love of all that is good and right with the world, please let it not rain for once before or during an Auburn home game.

Bunkie Perkins: Ole Miss. Two teams headed in completely different directions. Houston Nutt finally realized that if you get the ball to your best player, good things tend to happen. Gene Chizik realized that when you put the ball in the hands of a sub par quarterback in Gus Malzahn’s offense, bad things tend to happen. Much of the same will go on on the plains this weekend.

The Geek: Ole Miss. Until Auburn proves they’ve got a pulse on offense again, I can’t back them, and frankly in this game even with the O the 1^st couple weeks would struggle vs an improving Ole Miss O, and a very good (and under-rated Ole Miss D)…math says this should be close, but given the past three weeks I don’t see how…who knows maybe Todd get’s his head, shoulder, and/or both back and they return to their “pre-season” form, or they roll out Caudle, or they remain status quo…your guess is as good as mine. Auburn 26, Ole miss 31

Georgia +15 v. Florida (in Jacksonville)

TJ: Georgia. This kind of reminds me of the UT spread. Yes UGA is down, but dayum is an SEC Rivalrly game and Florida has done little more than barely take care of business when it had to. Florida will win in similar fashion to recent weeks, but those 15 points will do the trick for the Dawgs. Maybe Tebow and Meyer should stop sleeping in on gameday?

MM: Flo-Rida. Don’t wurry ’bout them 15 pernts, Curch Urban Meyers will have the Florida Gator playing gustily.

BP: Georgia. Tebow has looked like a mere mortal the last two weeks and, in that time, Florida hasn’t come close to covering the spread. The Gators probably find a way to win this one but it’s tight throughout.

The Geek: Georgia. Meyer has been content the last couple games to rely on an exceptional D and grind out a couple wins in games where they only way they could lose is with multiple TOs (See Miss St & Ark for what happens when the TO bug hits). UGAs D will have a very hard time stopping UF, but my guess is Meyer keeps it close to the vest with a banged up Demps and Tebow and will be content to let his exceptional D dismantle UGA… our math doesn’t quite support that, which isn’t surprising as it hasn’t supported the actual results for UF the last couple weeks. I have no confidence in Cox, Richt, Bobo, and Co, but given UFs game planning of late don’t see how you lay the 2 TDs…still given all the piss and vinegar associated with this game of late, and UGA’s back to the wall, my guess is they’ll give a spirited performance…my advice to everyone, stay far…far, away. Georgia 21, Florida 34 (in Jacksonville)

Texas -9 @ OK St.

TJ. Texas. They may have just found their edge on offense just at the time where Oklahoma St. is officially losing their offense for the year (Good to know ya Dez).

MM. Texas. I feel good about this pick (so that means you should pick OSU), but I fear that OSU finds some way to make this a shootout (even with out Dez). Still, I figure the ‘Horns will find a way to pull away late to cover.

BP: Texas. One big statistical game by Colt McCoy on a national broadcast and he can start writing that Heisman acceptance speech. That big one comes this weekend.

The Geek: Texas. Too much firepower here for UT, and couldn’t fault someone for a small play here. UT looks to get 450+ in total offense, and I suspect the key to this game will be a very good UT D that we have pretty much shutting down OSU (project just 255 yards @ 4.1 yppl). Our model calls for a 12 point game which isn’t enough line value for us. Texas 35, OK St. 23

USC -3 ½ @ Oregon

TJ: USC. Sorry Might Ducks. Not even Goldberg could save you in this bout.

MM: USC. Oregon’s return to the top of the polls (after that opening loss (and punch) in Boise) comes to an end (well, at least until they win out the rest of their games, and then end up with having 2 losses, but both to Top 5 teams).

BP: Oregon. Phil Knight will tear the Nike emblazoned clothes from the Trojan’s bodies if they decide to ruin Oregon’s run to that ellusive Pac 10 title. The Ducks get it done in Outzen.

The Geek: USC. I’d really like to pull the trigger for the home team and call for the straight up win (50% of our models call for a 24-24 game), however, the average score is overweighted by some big USC wins, and my sense is they’ll be out for blood here…I’ll side with Mr. Carroll in a game he knows he needs to win, and win convincingly. USC 28, Oregon 23

BONUS PICKS

Ga. Tech (-12) @ Vanderbilt

TJ: Ga. Tech. This is another give me spread for Tech. Sirs Vandy is not good. Tech may end the year with just one loss.

Cincinnati (-15.5) @ Syracuse

MM. Cincinnati. A really good team vs. a really bad team. The really good team wins this by at least 20.

Virgina -7 vs. Duke

BP: Virginia. Al Groh gets locked inside his house by Virginia fans. Unable to escape, he is also unable to coach his team. Thus UVA wins in a walk.

Missouri 31 (-4) @ Colorado 18

The Geek: Missouri. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were just 3-5 on our recommended plays last week and now 24-24-1 this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (239-142-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have 7 recommended plays on Saturday (including Missouri). To see our analysis of the Missouri game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:08:34 +0000

Records

The Juice: 22-12-1

Mike Medallion: 14-20-1

Bunkie Perkins: 16-18-1

The Geek: 16-18-1

Arkansas +5 ½ @ Ole Miss

The Juice: Arkansas. I’m not sure why Arr-Kansas is getting nearly 6 points. Was the Rebels dismantling of the UAB Blazers that impressive? Maybe. Regardless the Arkansas Defense seems to be clicking and Mallett is so tall. I don’t even think he’s that good of a quarterback, he’s just so tall you know. Can’t go against a human that tall. Arkansas takes the points and takes the win in Oxford (Sorry Bunkie my dear friend).

Mike Medallion: Arkansas. The Hogs apparently have a defense. Bad news for Jevan Snead.

Bunkie Perkins: Ole Miss. I am…..

The Geek: Arkansas. I’ll side with Pigtrino, but just barely…this should be a pretty good contest and very entertaining, but there is no sensible reason anyone should be anywhere near a wager on this game. Arkansas 26 @ Ole Miss 31

Tenn +16 @ Bama

TJ: Tennessee. Yeah I’ve picked against the Tahd a lot this year. Inherent biases. Just NOTE I am not picking them to lose, just not always to cover their ridiculous spreads. Kiffykins staring Lord Sabeen down across the field should be damn fine television though.

MM: Tennessee. I’d imagine that it’ll be just like the South Carolina game. Then again, I didn’t see that game last week (too busy freezing in frustration on the Plains), so who knows.

BP: Tennessee. …extremely…

The Geek: Tennessee. I’ll admit I have no real idea what is going to happen here, and our math reflects it. We’ve got everything from a 35-7 Bama blow out to a 26-24 UT shocker…we’ll stear very clear, but side with Team Kiffin and Crazy Eddie. Tenn 19@ Bama 28

Penn Sat. -4 ½ @ Michigan

TJ. Michigan. Rich Rod eats Penn State up like a cat burrito.

MM. Michigan. I have no clue on this one. Why are we picking a Big 10 game anyway?

BP: Penn State. …hung…

The Geek: Penn State. This game comes down to Penn States rush D (allowing 2.5 ypr) vs Mich’s rush O (ave 5.5 ypr), Penn State Rush D is +0.5 ypr better than Michigans (vs the ave), so we’ll side there although there is zero margin. Penn St. 30 @ Michigan 23

Auburn +8 @ LSU

TJ: LSU. I’ve gone back and forth on this one. It all falls on the gentle shoulder of Chris Todd. He was a confident gunslinger the first 5 games, but has reverted back to the 2008 abomination against Arkansas and Kentucky. Is his shoulder really healthy? Who knows? The unfortunate truth is I fear even if Auburn keeps it close, they’ll lose steam towards the end of the game in the Red Stick due to lack of depth (you heard that right recruits, come to Auburn and start tomorrow).

MM: Auburn. Can the Chiz be the third straight Auburn coach to beat LSU in Baton Rouge in his first season as head coach (Evil Elf in 1993 and Tubs in 1999)? I think so, or at least the Aubs keep it close.

BP: Auburn. …over.

The Geek: Auburn. Auburn’s O finally gets on track in a game where they actually match up pretty well…AU wins outright unless The Hat pulls some crazy last minute antics. Auburn 26 @ LSU 25

BONUS PICKS

Ga. Tech (-4) @ UVA

TJ: Ga. Tech. Sorry Wahoos. Tech hands you your first ACC loss in style. Nerd style.

Texas A&M (+21.5) @ Texas Tech

MM. Texas Tech. Why not Texas Tech for the second straight week? Sorry Ray T.

Texas Tech -21 v. Texas A&M

BP: Texas Tech. In need of asprin and Pedialite.

UAB (+7) 26 Marshall 28

The Geek: UAB. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were just 2-6 on our recommended plays last week and now 21-19-1 this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (236-137-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have 6-7 recommended plays on Saturday (including UAB). To see our analysis of the UAB game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:51:10 +0000

Records

The Juice: 18-12

Mike Medallion: 13-17

Bunkie Perkins: 14-16

The Geek: 16-14

OU +3 v. Texas (@Cotton Bowl)

The Juice: Texas. Ahh the Red River Shootout, a game waaay too early in the morning during a state fair, attended by carnies and reeking of cotton candy. I like Texas big, because OU is a trendy picks, and trendy picks are for fools.

Mike Medallion: Texas. No reason UT can’t win this game by 4 points. Plus, seeing the wheels start to come off at OU is more satisfying than seeing another top ranked team lose.

Bunkie Perkins: Texas. True story…the worst bout of food poisoning Ive ever had came after I ate a corn dog while pregaming at the Red River Shootout. That night I threw up a small village onto the shoulder of I-75. I blame Oklahoma for my suffering.

The Geek: Texas. OU 23 v. Texas 36. I’ll take the Texas D allowing only 1.6 ypr this year vs the porous OU D allowing an abhorrent 1.8 ypr… Who knows what is going to happen in the Bradford saga, and not sure it matters, this game is tough enough give the 1^st sentence that I don’t how you figure it out adding in the OU offense. For what it’s worth we have UT winning 36-23 with a 345-297 advantage in the yardage department (and a 2.5 -2.1 ypr edge rushing).

USC -11 ½ @ ND

TJ: ND. Will she let Charlie go? If so I think the fighting Irish are due one, especially if journeyman 2nd string field goal holder Mitchell Mustain is behind center.

MM: USC. Using “sound football logic” (ND beat UW, UW beat USC), one might pick the Irish here, not me.

BP: USC. The best wins that Notre Dame has under their belts are Washington and Michigan State. The best win USC has is over Ohio State in Columbus. The Irish would have lost that game by 2 touchdowns. It’ll be more than that this weekend.

The Geek: USC. USC 32 (-11 ½) @ ND 18. The only thing that can save the Irish this year is their grounds keeper…am I am not sure even the 8” tall grass the rolled out the last time the Trojan’s came calling will be enough. USCs D is allowing only2.0 ypr and ND projects a -1.5 ypr disadvantage (we call for 2.3 ypr and 78 yards). Carrol and his squad are way too good to beat w/ a one dimensional Claussen…look for him to get roughed up pretty good and probably toss a few to the men from troy.

Ark +24 @ Florida

TJ. Arkansas. Is Arkansas’s offense that GOOD or is Auburn’s defense that BAD? Probably a lot of both. I think if Mallet doesn’t play like a frightened woman as he did in Tuscaloosa, Arkansas will put up enough points to beat the spread.

MM. Flo-rida. 24 looks like a lot of points. It’s really not.

BP: Arkansas. Freakishly tall Ryan Mallet puts up a few scores late to keep Arkansas within 24 as Florida still goes conservative with the play calling to protect the Golden Child.

The Geek: Florida. Ark 19 @ Florida 44 (-24). UFs D is allowing only 115 ypg passing…given how bad they are pounding most people think about how unreal that is…not that Pigtrino will be held to that, but the only thing that keeps this close is another Urban Meyer grind it out take no risks game plan (see UT and LSU)…could easily happen, but no idea how you bet on that…although until I see it on the field I’ll be nowhere in site.

South Carolina +17 @ Bama

TJ: South Cacalacky. Because I have faith in CORSO LOLGoat unlike the Grumpy Cock.

MM: Alabama. USC is by no means the worst team in the SEC, but it seems ‘Cock fans are once again starting to have delusions of grandeur. Lord Saban will bring them back to reality.

BP: Bama. To say what Im about to about a Spurrier coached offense hurts my heart a little and probably makes a balding Danny Wuerffel cry…the Cocks don’t score more than 6 this weekend. Bama’s defense is that good and they have been workmanlike in their covering of the spread all year.

The Geek: Alabama. South Carolina 15 @ Bama 32 (-17). I didn’t make that score up, as that is the actual average of our model projections (we utilize 5 independent models to form our projections), all with great consistency around that number…so with 0.38 points of line variance will side with the home team…but there is no reason anyone should be anywhere near this game, as USCs D is capable of slowing Bama down (they only project a 0.2 yppl situational advantage over South Carolina’s D – meaning they are 0.2 yppl better than average on O compared to what USC D is compared to average). Now USCs O might not get to 10 as we project only 226 yards, so the low of 29 for Bama may be enough to cover

BONUS PICKS

Georgia (-7.5) @ Vandy

TJ: Georgia. Yeah the Ginger Ninja lead Dawgs aren’t GREAT this year, but by God they are still 20 points better than Vandy.

Texas Tech (+10.5) @ Nebraska

MM. Texas Tech. This probably isn’t the best game to select or pick to make. But I just can’t ignore that Leach and the Red Raiders are getting 10.5 points.

Georgia -7 1/2 @ Vandy

BP: Georgia. Vandy is horrendous on offense. The completed forward pass will continue to be a mystery this weekend. The Ninja and his minions bounce back after an embarrassing trip to the Smokeys last week.

Hawaii 28 @ Idaho 31 (-11.5)

The Geek: Hawaii. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were 5-3 on our recommended plays last week and now 19-13-1 this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (234-131-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have 8 recommended plays on Saturday (including Hawaii). To see our analysis of the Hawaii game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:50:06 +0000

Records

The Juice: 15-10

Mike Medallion: 12-13

Bunkie Perkins: 11-14

The Geek: 14-11

Bama -6 ½ @ Ole Miss

The Juice: Ole Miss. The Rebs are better than they have played. I think the Tide isn’t quite as infallible as they’d like you to believe. With a strong game from Snead (meaning different from every other game he’s played this season) I see Ole Miss beating the spread, but falling to the Tide. P.S. This may be the weekend my first place lead crumbles, an epic fail if you will, like Eric Berry’s Heisman Rap, the games are just that tough this weekend, but I have no regrets, it has been a good run. SUCK IT THE GEEK I WILL DEFEAT YOU BEFORE WE ARE DONE!

Mike Medallion: Bama. This was supposed to be a matchup of Top 5 teams, but then South Carolina happened. So can Ole Miss “totally redeem” itself? Probably not. Lord Saban has history on his side too, Ole Miss has beaten Bama in Oxford only twice…though that figure is misleading given that Ole Miss has beaten Bama only 9 times, and one of those was by forfeit.

Bunkie Perkins: Ole Miss. This series has been close the last few years, as in closer than the 6 1/2. Ole Miss has had closed practices all week, probably trying to figure out their own offense, but my hope is they are working on a Super Rebel formation that involved John Jerry under center (seriously, if this happens come back here and pat me on the back come Monday). The Rebels make a game of it to get the cover, but Bama finds a way for a 3 point win in Oxford.

The Geek: Ole Miss. We aren’t so sure the Tide are all their being cracked up to be, and will call for Ole Miss to really test them here, as everyone still think the Rebels have nothing. 50% of our models have Ole Miss winning out-right, and while we’ll stop short of calling for the Reb winner, it won’t shock us in the slightest. A lot will be made of the Tide D vs Ole Miss’s O, but I think the key to this game will be how does McElroy and the Tide O handle their 1^streal road test against what will probably be the best D they face in their regular season? Still unproven QB, C, and LT on the road against a very strong front 4 for Ole Miss and my guess is they’ll have their share of problems. Still $aban is no dummy and I am sure you’ll see a pretty conservative game plan on his part which presuming Ole Miss has any success on O should take this game down to the wire. We do have on model that calls for only 258 yards for Ole Miss which could lead to a 21/24-10/13 type Tide win, but I think the chances of that are a lot less than a pretty even contest, or even the outright Rebel win.

Georgia +2 @ Tennessee

TJ: Tennessee. Yeah I just went there. Too many emotional match-ups for UGA this early in the year. I think they run out of steam and drop one they shouldn’t in Neyland this Saturday. Kiffykins has to luck himself into an SEC win sooner or later, this honestly may be his best shot for awhile.

MM: UGA. Free points! Free Points!…Wait a minute, Vegas knows something. They must. How can a team that was boo’ed by their own fans last week be favored at home? How can a team whose quarterback was cheered by the other team’s fans last week (not as bad as Jamie Howard vs. Auburn circa 1994 and 1995, but there were cheers) be favored? I’m just not seeing what Vegas is seeing.

BP: Tennessee. I have absolutely no idea why Tennessee is favored in this game. Its certainly not on reputation at this point. Any team that fields Johnathan Crompton as their starter should automatically be a 6 1/2 point dog. But since Vegas knows something that I clearly don’t Im going to roll with UT and hope that Grandpa Monte has enough tricks up his sleeve to get the win.

The Geek: Tennessee. Stay far…far away from this game, 50% of our models have UT winning by 3-5 pts (of covering by 1-2) and the other 50% has either a tie or a 1 pt UGA/UT victory (so 2-4 pts line variance for UGA). Simply put UGA runs into one of the better run Ds in UT, who are now +1.6 ypr (or allowing 1.6 ypr less than the average of the offenses they’ve faced this year in their other games). UGA is only averaging 3.3 ypr, and all our models indicate 2.2-2.6 ypr for the Dawgs. No offense to Mike Bobo, but going head to head with Monty Kiffin is a huge mis-match, and if they can effectively take away the run, it should be lights out. On the other side of the ball we get the completely resistible force of the UT offense vs the easily movable object of UGA’s D…UGA did slow LSU some last week, but not enough for me to gain any confidence they can stop anyone, although absent Vandy, if they can’t stop UT I am not sure who they stop…I’ll side with the home team which of the 4 sides at play here (UT O, UGA D, UT D, UGA O), has the only one I feel really comfortable with (UT D).

Auburn -2.5 @ Arkansas

TJ. A-U-B-U-R-N. This game terrifies me. The Hawgs have a knack for knocking our asses off a pedestal once we finally get up on one. The away team has dominated this series as of late. Mallet is the size of Manute Bol, but minus Manute Bol’s basketball quicks. Also Mallet doesn’t seem to look like he has malaria. I have no idea what this has to do with the game. Auburn has to produce pressure. It is capable of it, but has under performed as of late. Look for lots of blitzes that put the game on Mallet’s shoulders. I expect Auburn to score at will and Arkansas to score mostly at will. Difference: Auburn.

MM. Auburn. I’m 4-1 watching Aubren live on the TV (1-0 on radio – Arky 2005). So there’s that. Plus, I think Auburn just outscores Arkansas. Should be a shootout and fun to watch…while eating breakfast. Plus, you get the benefit of watching an SEC game on ESPN at 11 am instead of Indiana vs. Northwestern.

BP: Auburn. Arkansas is going to ruin someone’s weekend at some point, I just dont think its this weekend. Gus Mahlzahn returns to the NWA where he led the Springdale High football program to prominence despite being hamstrung by the over abundance of roadside mexican restaurants and gas station shoe bazaars in that area (distractions, people). Its a pleasant homecoming for Gus as the Tigers stay undefeated.

The Geek: Auburn. This should be a pretty good test for both teams this weekend, as you get 2 of the most potent offenses in all of arena football. Our math projects a 543-404 offensive advantage for the War Eagles. That should be good for 32-45 points depending on their ability to convert TDs in the red zone and limit point erasing or creating TOs. Auburn has shown that more difficult to do of late (See LW @ UT). Both these teams are still a bit perplexing to me, but I’ll side with the team that at least pretends to play D (Auburn).

Florida -8 @ LSU

TJ: Florida. I think the Gators come alive with or without “Tibow”.

MM: LSU. The Hat and LSU don’t lose at night in Tiger Stadium. The crowd alone will keep LSU within 8 points…even if they have to throw batteries or other projectiles onto the field at Timmy.

BP: Florida. True story…I got Tim Tebow’s cell phone number in a text from one of my LSU buddies this morning. I think Ill call him and tell him I need the Gators to cover.

The Geek: Florida. This one is pretty simple for me, whether Tebow is 100%, 50%, or doesn’t play. Simply put, LSU’s offense is horrible and is a near certainty that they will get totally dominated by an unbelievable UF defense. Our math calls for only 229 yards offense (3.8 yppl), and absent some crazy mad hatter 4&20, fake FGs, onside kicks, etc will be shocked to see LSU get to 20. Even w/o a healthy Tebow UF is at worse statistically equal to a pretty average LSU defense (probably still better), and I’ll put my money with Meyer (14-3 ATS off the bye in his career). UF is 6-1 the last 3 years as a road favorite in the SEC, LSU is 3-8 ATS in the last 11 in this series, home team is 5-12 ATS, Miles is 0-11 when playing at home vs a team with a winning record, Miles is 9-23 vs SEC opponents in his career, and LSU hasn’t covered as a home dog since 2000.

BONUS PICKS

Georgia Tech (+3) @ FSU

TJ: Georgia Tech. Either FSU is going to respond for their coach or fizzle under the uncertainty. My money is on Tech if the pregame speech goes this way.

Houston -2.5 @ Mississippi State

MM. Houston. The team is going to rebound in strong way…they may even try to score a bazillion.

Michigan +8 @ Iowa

BP: Michigan. Michigan isn’t all that great but they stay competitive in all of their games. Iowa is notorious for allowing other teams to stay competitive in their games (see State, Arkansas). I like Michigan to hang tight with the Hawkeyes and get the cover.

Arizona (-4) 34 @ Washington 22

The Geek: Arizona. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were 5-0 on our recommended plays last week and now 14-10-1 this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (221-124-8), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have anywhere from 7-10 recommended plays on Saturday (including Arizona). To see our analysis of the Arizona game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:19:08 +0000

Records

The Juice: 12-8

Mike Medallion: 10-10

Bunkie Perkins: 10-10

The Geek: 11-9

LSU +2 ½ @ UGA

The Juice: UGA. Have you ever seen a Bulldog eat a Corndog? Neither have I, but I imagine it would be over quick.

Mike Medallion: UGA. LSU is not a Top 5 team. Miss. State proved that. I’m not saying it will be as bad as 2004, but, regardless, I expect the message boarders on Tiger Droppings to go into meltdown early Saturday evening and calling for Lesticles head on a platter.

Bunkie Perkins: Georgia. LSU is held together by straw and a thick homemade roux at this point. Their offense has no continuity to it and their defense hasn’t shown even the slightest improvement (minus Superhuman Chad Jones) from last year. AJ Green may be the best receiver in the country, and he’ll set out to prove it in Athens on Saturday.

The Geek: Georgia. Until LSU proves they can muster any sort of offense consistently there is no way I am backing them; however, I am also on record saying until UGA stops anyone with a pulse on offense (sorry to Arizona State fans but 319 yards per game TY to Defensive juggernauts Idaho State UL-Monroe, and UGA doesn’t qualify) there is no way I am backing Martinez and UGA…so consider me between a rock and hard place…I’ll side with the UGA offense, until proven otherwise…but I don’t think anyone has any business trying to call this game…I would be as perhaps more surprised to see the 22 our math calls for from LSU than the 31-34 my instincts tell me UGA will allow.

OU -6 1/2 @ Miami

TJ: Miami. Nothing personal, I just still hate OU after 2004. Okay I guess it is personal.

MM: OU. Who cares if Bradford isn’t starting. Who cares that the game is played at Miami. If this was a BCS game, maybe it would be different, but OU wins this one by at least a TD.

BP: OU. When is everybody going to forget about that early season BYU loss and start considering OU a contender again? I say after they skull drag Miami by 20.

The Geek: OU. This is one of our recommended plays, so you can thank your friends at FOTP for giving you a double dose of The Geek Sheet this week. Click here for our analysis of this game. The ACC is terrible, and beating mediocre ACC teams in prime time games — doesn’t make you good…it makes you a bully…only like a bully at the Special Olympics ($1 to Corky). OU with or without Bradford rolls here, and I will be surprised if Miami eclipses 300 yards of offense.

Arkansas -1 v. Texas A&M (at Jerryworld)

TJ. TAMU. I’ve had a hard go with this one. The only time I’ve had a chance to really watch Arkansas was against Bama last weekend and they looked really bad. And that isn’t to take away from Bama who I feel… (dry heave)… is playing better than anyone in the Country right now. Arkansas just looked soft at the point of attack on both sides of the ball and I couldn’t get over the awkwardness of an eight foot quarterback (neither could the Arkansas receivers either judging by the copious drops). Pigtrino isn’t going to be out classed, but when Mallet nicks his head on the top of the Jerryworld Jumbotron it will be lights out for the Hawgs.

MM. Aggies. After this game, we expect to see video from a Jerryworld restroom of a A&M cadet who thinks getting kiss from his date after an A&M touchdown just isn’t enough (Ray T, bring your camera). I think that cadet will get plenty of chances, so I’m picking the Ags in this one.

BP: Arkansas. Lots of overalls in Dallas this weekend…on both sides. The Ags have been surprisingly spry on offense behind a stout running game, led by super frosh, Beaumont Jesus. Unfortunately, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away this weekend. Arkansas’ offense proves too much in Jerry World. And sad news for the patrons…the restrooms have already been christened.

The Geek: Arkansas. Arkansas outlasts TAMU with a combined 1000 yards total offense…I am shocked at how good TAMU has looked on offense (average 574 yards per game & 45 points per game), but have played absolute no one (New Mexico, Utah State, and UAB)…they will come down to earth, but against a horrible Arkansas D that has allowed 85 pts in two SEC games, I doubt they’ll struggle too much…Pigtrino definitely finds the waters a little smoother this week after getting perhaps the best D in football in Bama last week.

USC -5 ½ @ Cal

TJ: USC. Things will be going great for CAL until the Golden Bears perennial sideline observer lead singer of Counting Crows guy breaks into an a capella version of ‘Round Here and depresses everyone into a loss.

MM: USC. Well, because I picked Cal last week (that turned out well), Cal should win by about 45 points. So you might want to pick Cal.

BP: Cal. USC has had a traumatic week with the whole Stephon Johnson dropping weights on his throat ordeal. Cal got drubbed last week, but nothing in the PAC 10 ever makes a lick of sense, so Bears with the win straight up.

The Geek: USC. That is the actual projection for our multi-model average, so USC covers by a smooth 1 point. USC is 10-6 ATS vs ranked foes, Cal is 9-4 ATS vs ranked opponents at home, and visitor is 10-3 ATS in this series…ask yourself what business you have playing this game…if you come up with anything, you need to ask some different questions.

BONUS PICKS

Auburn (+1.5) @ Tennessee

TJ: Aubren. The only way we lose this one is if Crompton’s skank stash wills him to victory. And don’t get me wrong, this is a distinct possibility.

MM. Teh Aubs. They can take away our Tiger Walk, but they can never take….eh…our…never mind…I never go to Tiger Walk so I don’t care. It’ll be my first time back in Rocky Top since the “one of the greatest games I’ve ever been to” game in 2004. Should be a good time as I see the Aubs winning this one…unless Eric Berry has found a way to cover every receiver at the the same time and make every tackle.

Houston -16 1/2 @ UTEP

BP: Houston. Im drinking the Cougs punch til it goes bad. Texas took UTEP out back and beat them within an inch of their lives last weekend…Houston finished the job this weekend. Houston by a bazillion.

Ole Miss -9 @ Vandy

The Geek: Ole Miss. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were 5-0 on our recommended plays last week and now 11-7 (61%) this season with a lifetime record (5 years) of 63% (218-121-7), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We are finalizing our card for this week but it looks like we’ll have anywhere from 5-7 recommended plays on Saturday (including Ole Miss). Click here for our recommended plays this week. To see our analysis of the Ole Miss game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, The Geek Sheet Sports.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:50:42 +0000

Records

The Juice: 10-5

Mike Medallion: 8-7

Bunkie Perkins: 8-7

The Geeks: 8-7

Ark +15 ½ @ Bama

The Juice: Bama. I had some funny comments about this game but literally vomited all over my keyboard after typing Bama and it seems to have short circuited. I’ll just let BIG E do the talking for me.

Mike Medallion: Arkansas. For my picks this week, I took a straw poll of 5 guys while they were watching Bunkie’s No. 4 Ole Miss Rebels and Heisman Trophy candidate Jevan Snead go down in flames on the World Wide Leader on Thursday night. They are (I’ll be usin’ “code names” ($1 to Gale and Evelle Snoats)): PIT, JD, Manbad, Steve Holt!, and Guru. By a vote of 3-2, the group picked the Arkansans. I guess the majority was impressed by the passing performance the Hogs displayed against UGA last week, but more than likely it was the 15 1/2 points.

Bunkie Perkins: Arkansas. The Hogs showed last week that they can put points on the board, but they also showed that they have no ideas on how to prevent others from doing the same. A win versus Georgia last week would have made this a much more intriguing game, but as it stand I think the Hogs hang around long enough to cover.

The Geek: Arkansas I guess we’ll find out what Pigtrino and Ricky Mullet really have cookin’ this week as they’ll get a tall test in the Tide D. Not surprisingly our math is split pretty evenly – 50% have 18-19 pts & 300-325 yards offense & 50% project 28-30 pts and 400+/- yds offense. To me the biggest question is can Arkansas stop anyone on D after giving up 530 to UGA LW? Three games in an I am still not sure what to make of Bama’s Offense, and the only thing I am sure of in this game is I’ll leave with that same question. I do think Arkansas will be able to move the ball on offense, and think this is one of the better offenses in the SEC, but can’t get over the fact that Bama (whether an elite or mediocre SEC offense) may score on every drive…see last week vs a UGA offense with the same question marks. I’ll stick with the Hogs as I think 3 scores vs a Petrino offense is just too much value regardless of how poor their D is. Model Average is 35-24 Tide, which seems pretty fair to me.

Texas Tech +1 ½ @ Houston

TJ: Houston.Why not? A lot of badass Katrina refugees had to grow up and play ball somewhere. Looks like that somewhere turned out to be the University of Houston.

MM: Texas Tech. By a vote of 3-2, the group picked Texas Tech. The majority expects points a plenty in this one, after which Houston returns to the ranks of the unranked.

BP: Houston. I make this pick simply as an homage to David Klingler and Andre Ware…two Heisman trophy winners that to this day you sit and wonder how it happened. A ton of points get scored in this one, with Houston pulling away in the second half for the cover.

The Geek: Houston Pretty much the same story, half our models have an identical score of 38-35 TTU winner, but the other half have nearly identical scores with Houston blowing it out…52-35. Only consistency seems to be with TTU around 35, which given the projections seems about right. No real value to speak of here, but being forced into a choice I usually side with the team that has the most upside (here Houston with a low projection of 35+/- but with upside (50% of math) projections to 50+). Houston has been getting absolutely torched on the ground TY, which is the only thing TTU can’t do (their best performance was52 yds vs Rice followed by 40 yds vs N Dakota)…I’ll stick to my good southern roots which says you don’t win games on the road if you can’t run the ball.

VaTech +2 v. Miami

TJ Miami. Break out your URBAN CAMO, the U is back. At this rate they may start breaking 30,000 attendance at home games…

MM. Miami. By another 3-2 vote, the group went with Miami. The majority agrees with Teh Juice…the U is back…well, at least for now.

BP: Va. Tech. Everyone says the U is back, and while Im not completely sold yet, they do have the makings of a bit of a resurgence. Their early schedule is brutal and I say they slip up somewhere amidst the national hype. I think it might be this weekend against Frank Beamer and his magic skin graft.

The Geek: Va Tech. VT was lucky to escape LW @ home vs a pretty good Neb team, and their Offense continues to be putrid with 155 yds v Bama and 278 LW vs Nebraska (you can pretty much ignore the contest vs Marshall when evaluating how VT will match up to Miami’s D). Miami’s D has looked very good TY vs the run holding both FSU and GT to under 3ypr (2.9 ypr) and right at 105 ypg…for a pretty poor VT offense that can’t beat you passing that spells trouble. Using and adjusted projection of TY and LY results we project a 30-5 yards advantage for Miami; however, if you believe that Miami has turned a corner and use 100% of TYs results that increases to about 120 yds (395-280)…Throw in the ST/Def play vs Bama and the last minute drive LW and the VT offense is barely producing 10ppg…I think Miami is probably the right side (presuming the O continues to click like it has been), but don’t like betting against VT at home in this series (VT is 5-1 ATS @ home in this series)

UNC +2 @ Georgia Tech

TJ: Georgia Tech. Nerds are due one. I’m sure The Geek below has some sort of mathmatical equation to prove his people can pull this one out. I on the other hand follow my gut instincts, and my gut tells me this game belongs to the Tri-Lambs.

MM: Georgia Tech. By a 4-1 vote, the group picked Georgia Tech. The one lone vote for UNC was an Alpha Beta and just couldn’t bring himself to pick the nerds.

BP: Georgia Tech. North Carolina has shown only small signs of possessing anything remotely resembling an offense, while Georgia Tech proves time and time again that they cannot play from behind. They wont need to this week as they pound it out for a tight 3 point win at home versus the Heels.

The Geek: Georgia Tech UNC has looked very nice defending the run allowing only 52 ypg (1.9 ypr) TY to pretty decent teams including UConn and ECU. GTs offense has looked helpless the last 6 quarters (last week v Miami and the 2nd half of the week before v Clemson)…are those anomalies or a sign of teams finally starting to figure out the GT option attack? UNC has the talent and athletes at DE to pressure off the edge which it seems is what Clemson and Miami did the last 2 games vs GT which game them fits. Can PJ adjust? That is the big question, and anyone who thinks they have the answer is full of it. Our math is all over the map, and I don’t trust any of it as I can just as easily see GT explode for 300+ on the ground as I can see them held to under 100 rushing…that is the difference in the game, and I’ll stick to something with a few more known’s…Math is pretty consistent with 330-370 yds and 24-27 for UNC which I think is right on…we’ll split the middle with GT and call for about 370 -380 & 200-230 on the ground for 28, which if we are right is even more reason not to bet it as there doesn’t appear to be any value on GT (28-24 you win, 28-27 you lose…either way you sweat it out for 3 hours).

BONUS PICKS

Ball State +31 @ Auburn

TJ: Auburn. Can they extend this to 4-0 covering the spread? Yes. Yes they can. Sorry David Letterman. And sorry to people from the great state of Ball.

California (-6.5) @ OREGON

MM. Cal. No poll on this one. It’s all me. Initially, I felt like taking Auburn over Ball State, but it’s hard not to go with the BEST running back in college football.

Notre Dame -7 @ Purdue

BP: Notre Dame. Purdue is awful, like really awful. Notre Dame is looking for a rebound after a loss at Michigan and a nail biter versus Michigan State. Take advantage of the conservative line here…the Irish by a bunch.

Stanford -6.5 v. Washington

The Geek: Stanford. This is one of our recommended plays for the week. We were 4-2 overall LW (3-2 on our recommended plays), and our lifetime record (5 years) is 63% (218-121-7), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! We have already released a recommended play on Friday’s Missouri – Nevada game. We are finalizing our card for this week but I looks like we’ll have anywhere from 4-5 recommended plays on Saturday (including Stanford). Click here for our recommended plays this week, including Friday’s game. To see our analysis of the Stanford game, click here. We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com or clicking here.

The Dirtiest Scratch-off in the Game: The Commercial

Bunkie Perkins — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:05:40 +0000

The lottery scratch and win game that more than likely has the people of Greensboro and surrounding areas all a twitter now has its very own commercial…and its just about how you thought it should look…except we would have liked to have seen Flair do a prat fall as he walked that (convenience store) isle. But there is, without a shadow of a doubt, a very real possibility that once the commercial was over, the Natureboy did his duty, Horsemen style, and took Granny for a ride on Space Mountain.

The Dirtiest Scratch-off in the Game

Bunkie Perkins — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:17:31 +0000

The North Carolina Lottery gets a well deserved WOOOOO! after releasing the Ric Flair lottery scratch-off game last week. You can style and profile all the way to the bank with a cool $100,000 by scratching away all 16 of the Natureboy’s titles. That limo ridin’, jet flyin’, wheelin’, dealin’, kiss stealin’ lifestyle you’ve always wanted for yourself is now, thankfully, one lottery ticket closer to reality.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:39:32 +0000

Records

The Juice: 7-3

Mike Medallion: 4-6

Bunkie Perkins: 5-5

The Geeks: 4-6

UT +29 @ Florida

The Juice: UT. Really. Plus TWENTY NINE in an SEC Rivalry game. I’m going to pick UT to beat the spread only because of Crompton’s beautiful mustache.

Mike Medallion: UT. Call me crazy…this game reminds me of Auburn-Florida in 2007, except with me not being there, Florida winning (though not by 30), and the visting team wearing a different shade of orange. So…eh…yeah…just like it…at least Eddie Gran will be on the visiting team’s sideline, so close enough. And for the love of all that is good and right with the world, please let there be a TV camera focused only on Layla Kiffin the entire game. Is that too much to ask, CBS?

Bunkie Perkins: Florida. Yeah, remember all those crazy shenanigans that God pulled on the Egyptians when the Pharaoh wouldn’t let all those zany Jews go?…Well yeah, it’ll be like that except “Old Testament Tebow” wont spare the second and third born kids.

The Geek: Florida My math and our models are surprisingly consistent for a big lined game like this (all in the 40/42- 10/12 range). For all practical purposes I can’t see what anyone is doing thinking they can call this one, 40-12 UT covers, 42-10 UF covers. Presuming Eric Berry doesn’t decapitate Tebow, or something crazy like that, my guess is Lil’ Lane will learn a lesson here about taunting Sir Meyer. I’ll say this, I’ll feel a lot better backing UF and a p*ssed off Meyer than Crazy Ed & Lil’ Lane. UF 45 UT 12.

UGA +1 ½ @ Arkansas

TJ: Arkansas. I actually am having a very hard time with this one. UGA could be underrated and ARKY could be overrated. But Bobby Petrino is a complete Dick so I’ll go with Arkanas this week.

MM: Georgia. I’m picking UGA simply due to the fact that UGA co-ed and 2008 Miss World USA, Lane Lindell, is dressed like a nurse in her current FB profile photo.

BP: Arkansas. Medallion makes a compelling argument above, but the Hogs are riding a delusional high right now. Their offensive explosion against Missouri State has them believing in things like the Easter Bunny, Global Warming, and a legitimate passing game. This is a must win for Arkansas, as they have a tough slate of games coming up. This one sets the tone for the rest.

The Geek: Georgia. I guess the bet here is whether we get UGA Jekyll or UGA Mr. Hyde from the Dawgs offense…pretty interesting contrast from week 1 to 2 against vastly different Defenses. Arkansas’s D resembles OSUs much more than USC, but I guess that shows what I know as they torched USC and looked like a Pop Warner team playing the Patriots vs OSU. They are back on the road, so it will be interesting to see how they’ve improved in that regard. I think Arkansas’s D has a long way to go, and all our math calls for 30-40 for the Dawgs. I’ve given up trying to figure out what the heck Richt is thinking keeping Martinez as DC, and until they prove they can stop anyone, you won’t find me near one of their games. All our math and models have Arkansas in the 28-30 range, which means we are probably in for a pretty entertaining game. Should anyone think about touching this…hell no, but I’ll side with Defense that at least has the athletes to compete. UGA 35 Arkansas 30

West Virginia +7 v. Auburn

TJ: Auburn. They’ve covered for me so far this year, I cannot give up on them now. Even with that evil hell spawn Devine on the other side of the field. Oh yeah and I’ll be there. Things never go badly when I’m in attendance. Except for that weekend in Vegas…

MM. Auburn. Forget Texas-Texas Tech, this is going to be the real shootout of the day. Ontario McCalebb and Noel Devine are going to be two of the best “everyone else is running in slow motion” running backs you’ll see anywhere this season. So, I’m looking to go 3-for-3 on picking Auburn this week…but hoping to avoid going 3-for-3 on the AU EMS crew visiting my section during the game (not for me).

BP: Auburn. If for no other reason than I think Gus Malzahn is completely aware of what the spread is and will do his offensive fastbreaking best to get me a cover. Im delusional in that way.

The Geek: Auburn. I think I am starting to get a better statistical handle on the new AU offense, but still with only 2 games of data I am hesitant to pull the trigger. Our adjusted math calls for a 417-287 advantage for the home team, which should give you a scoring range anywhere around 30-35 Auburn – 17-24 WVU. WVU looked pretty good last week with over 500 yards offense vs ECU, but with only one real game this year it is hard to know what to expect, particularly with the new QBs 1st road start in what will be by far the most hostile stadium they will play in all year. I am curious to see how they handle the stadium and atmosphere at Auburn Saturday night. For those of you who bore easily, go do a little research and find out how many times anyone on this WVU team or coaching staff has coached/played an away game in a stadium larger than 85,000. Will be interesting to see how they react…WVU 21 Auburn 33.

Texas Tech +17 ½ @ Texas

TJ: Texas Tech. Can you really pick against Mike Leach on National Talk Like a Pirate Day? Seriously? I would give anything to hear this pep talk.

MM: Texas Tech. I picked Texas Tech last year. Why not pick them again this year? Muschamp can boom m’fer, bleed all over the sidelines, and do flying chest bumps with every player on his team, he’s still no match for Leach.

BP: Texas Tech. All signs point to Texas really wanting to throttle Tech after the Raiders ruined the Horns’ chances at a national title with their miracle win in Lubbock. The Horns will get some sort of revenge in a win, but the Dread Pirate Leach and his swashbuckling ways get the cover.

The Geek: Texas Tech. I don’t honestly have a clue what to expect here, half our projections have TTU losing by 13-16 and the other half have UT winning by 20+, math seems to be all over the map as well with 100+ swings in offensive performance across models. 75% of our math/models call for 38-41 for the Longhorns, so I guess our question is can TTU get to 21-24? Our average score is 26, so I guess the answer is yes, although 50% of the time they scored 20-23. I flipped a coin and came up with The Crazy Pirate, so I guess I’ll go with him…TTU 24 UT 40.

BONUS PICKS

FSU +7 @ BYU

TJ: BYU. This isn’t so much me picking against FSU as it me picking BYU also Bobby Bowden is going to think he is in the movie “What Dreams May Come’ thanks to that lovely Provo backdrop.

MM. BYU. I wanted to take this opportunity to apologize for picking against BYU for the OU game in week 1 and for taking pot shots against the sanctity of polygamy. Honestly, it’s really a special thing yall got going there…with your multiple wives and all…and that football team ain’t too shabby either. As for Bobby Bowden, he should’ve been out of the game years ago but he can’t stay home because he hates his wife! You’ve met her at the Christmas parties. She’s the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard ($1 to James Carrey).

Michigan State +10 @ Notre Dame

BP: Michigan State. To be honest, I know very little about Michigan State, but this line just feels like an over-hyped reputation produced spread. Notre Dame proved last week that they arent the end all be all that Dr. Lou would like for them to be and Michigan State has won their fair share in this series of late.

Mississippi State +9 @ Vandy

The Geek: Miss. State This is one of our recommended plays for the week. Our lifetime record (5 years) is 63% (215-119-7), including 68% (52-24-1) last year! Click here to get our plays. We’ve set up a separate page for Friends of the Program to view our analysis of Mississippi State –Vandy, for free! Click Here for analysis of MSU-Vandy.

We are finalizing our card for this week but I looks like we’ll have anywhere from 3-4 recommended plays on Saturday (including MSU). We usually have 3-5 games a week we take a very hard look at but decided to pass on. You can sign up to receive these plays free of charge by visiting our website, www.thegeeksheetsports.com or clicking here.

The Program's Picks

The Juice — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:30:01 +0000

Records

The Juice: 3-2

Mike Medallion: 2-3

Bunkie Perkins: 2-3

The Geek: 3-2

Notre Dame -4 @ Michigan

The Juice: Michigan. While I appreciate Lou Holtz and Beano the Cook’s master plan of picking Notre Dame to win the National Championship every year until it finally happens (or they die), I’m too damn proud of Rich Rod (for filling the crying coach void that hasn’t been wholeheartedly occupied since Dick Vermeil) to pick against him.

Mike Medallion: Notre Dame. Unlike Teh Juice, I respect my elders. Even if they are senile, old fools, sometimes they get things right…Ron Powlus won 3 Heisman Trophies, right?

Bunkie Perkins: Notre Dame. Champions of the WAC vs. Champions of the West (or at the very least most parts of Michigan and Minnesota). Michigan looked viable last week with two freshmen under center (not at the same time though…that’d be kinda gross)but experience and Jimmy Clausen’s inflated dark horse Heisman campaign wins this one for Notre Dame down the stretch.

The Geek: Notre Dame. Anyone who tells you they’ve got a beat on this game; cuts their own hair, or is just FOS. Both teams looked very good LW, but both still have loads of question marks. All our math and models are with ND…but by a very thin margin, the average score is 27-23, but about 30% of our models have Michigan winning. Our math shows ND outgaining Michigan by a 70 yard margin, so this one will most likely come down to TOs, Field Position, and TD conversion ration (HINT: FGs Kill). I’ll stick the Irish as they seem to have less questions, but I’m pretty much flipping coins. ND25 Michigan 20

USC -7 @ Ohio State

TJ: Ohio State. In the illustrious words of Terrelle Pryor, “everybody murders people.” So there ain’t no shame in sniper-ing Matt Barkley in the pregame. Despite USC being the hot pick thanks to a less than stellar performance by Ohio State against Navy, I like OSU at home in the horseshoe. And I like 5,000 Southern California visitors to be urinated on.

MM: USC. I seem to remember everyone questioning this kid named Matt Linehart back in 2003 before he started his first game on the road at QB for USC-W in game against a certain Top 10 team. Pete Carroll knows how to pick a quarterback, and if he says that this Barkley kid is better than lead singer of Megadeth, then he must be good.

BP: USC. USC featured a gaggle of quality running backs led by not-quite-Reggie Bush clone Joe McKnight. Ohio State showed a distinct allergic reaction to the run last week against a bunch of seaman. The ground game facial continues (see what I did there) for the Buckeyes and USC covers late.

The Geek: USC. The easy way out is to pick USC in another B10 OOC embarrassment, little risk in that given the past history of this conference, this team, and this coach. However, there is a lot going on here that leads me to believe this thing may be closer than others might initially expect. USC and true fresh QB Barkley cruised vs a completely over matched SJSU team LW and Ohio State barely squeezed by an Academy school that most people think will struggle to get to a bowl game….seems too easy, right? Maybe so, but my guess is the True Fresh under the lights in the Horseshoe with the nation watching will find the sledding a little tougher than LW. Do I think OSU wins…hell no (our math shows a 150 yd advantage for USC), keeps it respectable…yes, covers the TD…not likely, unless Barkley gift wraps a few INTs to the OSU def. Average model projection is 32-21 USC, with a worse case 27-26 squeeker. USC 31 OSU 23

UCLA +7 ½ @ Tennessee

TJ: Tennessee. I avoided being an SEC Homer last week, but I like Rocky Top at home in Knoxville. I think their D is strong enough to keep Rick Neuheisel’s gambling problem in check.

MM. Tennessee. They’ve been hyping this one as the Lane Kiffin vs. Norm Chow. Student vs. Teacher. I don’t think Mr. Chow is able to work his magic like he used to at USC, so I’ll go with teh student.

BP: UCLA. One good game against Western Kentucky and Lane Kiffin is the savior for all things an unfortunate shade of orange. Im not sold yet. A couple of unfathomable picks by Crompton (thats really the only kind he throws anyway) will keep UCLA snug throughout. UT gets the win but the Bruins hang in there to cover it.

The Geek: Tennessee. While this game didn’t make our card for the week, we did look it over pretty hard, particularly given the combined 12 TOs in these teams games LW. Click here for the analysis, we’ll lean with the home team and are curious to see act 2- Kiffin..Redux. UT 28 UCLA 17

Miss. State +13 ½ @ Auburn

TJ: Auburn. I watched the MSU game. While Auburn has a long way to go, MSU is trying to run Florida’s offense with skill players that Greg McElroy could probably run down from behind. I like the Plainsman Eagles by 3 TDs.

MM: Auburn. I had the privilege of attending last year’s aberration of football in Starkvegas. Only those who were there can truly appreciate how awful that game was; ESPN couldn’t really capture it on camera. The only consolation was that we parked as close as humanly possible to the stadium and there were some decent poon in attendance. With better poon, but a worse parking spot this week, I hope and pray for a better game an Auburn win.

BP: Auburn. Look at it this way, they can only go up from last years complete and utter game of fail last year. Auburn doesnt quite have the horses to run Gus Malzahn’s full offense just yet but they’ll be passable enough against a Mississippi State team that doesn’t even have one player adequate enough to run Dan Mullen’s offense.

The Geek: Auburn. AUbren definitely got out to a fast start racking up over 500 yards vs a very good LaTech defense that was 8-5 LY and went to a bowl game. On the surface Miss St looked pretty good as well, cruising to a 45-7 win over Jackson State. However, at closer inspection that wasn’t quite as rosy as it sounds. Toss in only 410 yards despite 70 plays (less than 6 yppl) and 5 JSU TOs, and it appears Mr. Mullens still has a few kinks to work out. My guess is a renewed AU team with superior talent makes quick work of this one, however, given the uncertainty surrounding both these teams (new coaching staff on both sides) and the lack of meaningful data on Miss State’s side in week 1, I’ll resist the urge to pull the trigger. Using mostly last years data (with some adjustments for this year), our average score is 28 -14 Auburn, adjusted more heavily for AUs performance in Week 1 and a score of 35/38-14 seems more likely. I’ll split the middle…Auburn 31 Miss State 14

BONUS PICKS

South Carolina +7 @ Georgia

TJ: South Carolina. While The Geek will pick some mathematical certainty here, I like to live DANGEROUSLY. In Blackjack I hit when I have 20 and despite the fact Joe Cox has come down with Joe T Syndrome ($1 to PFSMITH), I like USC to at least cover between the bushes. The Cocks always play them tough and it especially doesn’t help that UGA doesn’t seem to have any tough in them this year (yeah I went there).

Kansas State -7 @ UL LAFAYETTE

MM. U-LaLa. Old-man Bill Synder will rethink his return to coaching after dealing with the oppressive heat of south Louisiana. And note to the K-State band: Don’t make the trip. Not because there is nothing to do in Laffy-ette (or Leh-Fay-ette if you’re from where Ricky does his ranting), but because there’s no way in hell you will top the halftime performance of ULL’s opponent last week. Just trying to save you the embarrassment.

Navy -7 v. Louisiana Tech

BP: Navy. Navy damn near pulled off the upset in the Horseshoe last weekend, Louisiana Tech hung tough at Auburn for a half. Tech proved that they have a bit of a problem stopping the run along the edge, and all Navy does is run. On top of that, Tech goes from trying to defend Auburn’s fast break spread to now trying to slow the good ol’ triple option…and all in a mater of 7 days. On top of THAT, half of Tech’s team has the flu. This one will be ugly….oh and SEAMEN.

Utah -13 v San Jose St.

The Geek: Utah. This is one of our 2 recommended plays this week. We also have 2 other free plays (which were 2-0 last week J). Click here to get a copy of our analysis for this game, and click here to purchase our picks. DO IT.

The Program's Picks

Bunkie Perkins — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:36:30 +0000

Every week the the degenerate gamblers who run this site attempt to pick games for the upcoming college football weekend. We are usually completely and totally wrong, blinded by team allegiance, alumni status, and probably a 5th of Makers. That being the case, we’ve enlisted help of professionals…not for the Makers problem, but for the gambling one. The Geek Sheet experts have decided to set us all straight this season. They’ll be here to give you the winners, blow your mind with high level statisical analysis, and shamelessly plug their own site…which is something we have great admiration for. Be sure to check out their site for more picks and analysis. Now, on to the picks…

Georgia +5 1/2 @ Ok. State

The Juice: Oklahoma State. I don’t trust Joe Cox and his moose knuckle on the road in a place called Stillwater. Also T. Boone Pickens has to have figured out how to buy football wins by now.

Mike Medallion: Georgia. Ginger Joe and Uga over Eskimo Joe and Buffy any day of the week, and in this case Saturday.

Bunkie Perkins: Georgia. Believe me, I dont trust a red head…at all, especially one who doesnt have the common decency to wear a cup during photo spreads, that being said, the theme of suspect Big 12 defense continues and I think Georgia makes enough plays to at least keep it close. That, and falling natural gas prices preclude me from riding T. Boone’s coat tails at this point.

The Geek: Georgia. Much will be made about the loss of Moreno and Stafford, as they should…still the Dawgs return 5 starting OL, over 90% of their receiving production, and plenty of talent at RB, and I don’t see an OSU def that allowed 406ypg (26ppg) LY presenting much of a challenge, particularly given their question marks in the secondary (3 new starters). The much maligned UGA defense of last year should be improved this year as they return 8 starters off a unit that while good statistically (312 ypg) got torched by the big boys late in the year…enter the Cowboys who return nearly everyone (lose 13% of LY’s receiving production and 2 OL), and should improve off last year’s results (although it is hard to imagine much improvement off of 486 ypg & 40.8 ppg).

Our math calls for both teams to exploit similar statistical advantages in the pass (over 2.0 ypa), although with UGA’s question marks at QB that seems a little hard to believe. That is enough to keep us off this game, but won’t be surprised to see the Dawgs return with the W. UGA 38 Ok State 39

Vatech +6 ½ v. Bama (@ the Ga. Dome)

TJ: Va. Tech. I simulated this game on Jerrell Harris’s laptop and Va. Tech will cruise to winning bet status with those 6.5 points. Alabama’s physical running attack will have to re-group without Andre Smith’s pancake boobs (and blocks).

MM: Alabama. I really hate doing this. Really.

BP: Alabama. With the loss of their starting running back, the Hokies are startlingly one dimensional. Alabama’s defensive speed will neutralize any Mike Vick visions of grandeur that Tyrod Taylor may have. Bama aggressively molested an ACC team in this game last year (which, ironically is not a crime in the South) and theres nothing that makes me think they wont be a repeat offender this year.

The Geek: Alabama. I am not sure I’ve got a great beat on this game, and honestly not sure how anyone can attest to how they can. We have no idea what to expect from Bama’s offense, losing 4 years starters at the two most critical O-line positions (Caldwell and Smith), losing 65% of their rushing productivity and a 5th yr senior starting QB. All that versus a perennial top 10 defense in VT that returns 8 of the top 10 on their D-line and 7 total starters on Defense (allowed only 279 ypg and 16.7 ppg LY). I can advocate laying anything given just this side of the game, as it is anyone’s guess given all Bama is losing.

VT returns 9 from a typically average VT offense last year and Bama returns nearly everyone off what will be another top 10 defense this year (when has Saban not fielded a top 10 defense). My guess is VT struggles to get much past 2-3 scores, unless they generate some ST and defense TO field position plays. Still the majority of our models and my math side closely with Bama, which is where I’ll lean…we’ll call if 51 of 100 on heads. VT17 Bama 24

LSU -17 ½ @ Washington

TJ: Washington. This game starts at 10:30 Eastern time. Corndogs on the east coast will have blacked out seven times over by that point. LSU wins easily, but not 18 points easy.

MM. LSU. Drunken cajun coonasses tailgating on boats in a lake in a large metropolitan area. Nothing good can come of this. No wonder my UW alum/Seattle resident Uncle George left town this weekend for Dallas. Hopefully there is a city to return to.

BP: LSU. The Tigers will be so upset to find that those halibut slingers up there in the Northwest dont put Tony’s on everything that they will go into a blind rage and do terrible horrible things to the Huskies.

The Geek: LSU. Don’t buy the hype, the “Pete Carroll” tree can’t work magic this fast. LSU has for sure the 2nd best talent in the SEC, maybe the 2nd best in the country. I think Jefferson turned a corner in the Peach Bowl last year, and look for LSU to have a very big season this year…they can sleep walk thru this one and cruise past what will be the doormat of the Pac 10 again this year (they get Wazzou at home which gives them a chance to escape the cellar). The only thing cooling me off this one is the West Coast swing early in the year, but my guess is this thing is over very early. LSU 38 Wash 16

BYU +22 v. Oklahoma (@ Jerry World in Dallas)

TJ: Oklahoma. OU covers but the game is rendered meaningless when a punt strikes the field encompassing jumbo-tron causing it to fall violently from the ceiling, but just as it is about to make impact with the field and crush both teams Tim Tebow appears out of nowhere and catches it saving hundreds of lives. He then transports it to Indonesia where it lives out its existence screening informational videos on circumcision procedures.

MM: Oklahoma. Dear BYU fans, bad news, there’s so much room at the Jerry Dome that all your wives can come to the game. That means, you’ll likely miss most the game because the two older ones will be constantly nagging you about how you spend too much time with the young one. Don’t worry though, the game won’t be close, so you won’t want to watch it anyway.

BP: Oklahoma Two guarantees…OU will roll over BYU and the bathrooms on the BYU side of Jerry World will be the cleanest post-game latrines the maintenance staff has ever seen. Those people are way too lilly white to make messes.

The Geek: BYU. I admit, I am not man enough to stand behind this and boldly bet BYU like my math and models all call for. Stoops’s Offense scares the sh*t out of me…throw in 4 returning starters for BYU on O, including only 1 OL vs an OU defense returning all 7 of their front 7, and I’ll retreat quietly into the night…still on neutral field, with all the nation watching (after hopefully Boise sticks it to Oregon), maybe, just maybe? Probably not, but I bet it will be one of the better OU games this year. BYU 30 OU 45

BONUS PICKS

La. Tech +13 ½ @ Auburn

TJ: Auburn. Because I want to believe God doesn’t hate me.

MM. Auburn. Starting off where I left off last year…because I’m tTrue and SIW. And don’t worry Juice, God doesn’t hate you, God just has a sense of humor.

Ole Miss -16 @ Memphis

BP: Ole Miss. Ive made entirely too much fun of Memphis fan this week so let me just say this, so let me just offer up a musical interlude both sides can enjoy.

Mizzou +6 1/2 @ Illinois

The Geek: Mizzou. This is one of our Recommended Plays this week. We are still finalizing the card, but have one recommended play on Thursday as well as one on Friday. We’ll have somewhere between 1-4 additional plays for Saturday.

Click here to download our analysis of this game, and here to purchase our plays this week.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 16:28:02 +0000

Degenerate gamblers by nature and birthright, your humble blogging hosts Bunkie Perkins and Michael Medallion, and other special guests, try to give you some guidance as you wager your plasma donation earnings on this week’s games.

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 29-28-2 (Last Week 2-3)

Mike Medallion: 32-26-2 (Last Week 2-3)

OU -7 @ Ok State, Bedlam Game

BP: Ok State. Everybody is piling on OU here because of the dismantling they perpetrated on the dread pirate’s squad last week. But Bedlam is in Stillwater this weekend, and since there is absolutely nothing to do in that one horse town other than marvel at T. Boone Picken’s money pit, we figure the Poke faithful will be out in force. This one comes down to the wire.

MM: Oklahoma. The Bedlam Game. Cause I won’t make the same mistake that I did last week. Plus, if Stoops has his team half as ready as they were for Texas Tech, it won’t matter how much money T. Boone Pickens invested in that stadium, because Stoops will own it afterwards.

Auburn +14 @ Bama, Iron Bowl

BP: Auburn. Straight up. Forget the spread. Tubs sticks it to Bobby Lowder one last time by beating his in state rival then bolting for Clemson. Jimmy Sexton work your magic!

MM: Auburn. Iron Bowl. Cause I’m tTrue. SIW! Plus, 14 is a lot of points for either team in this game.

Ole Miss -16 v. Mississippi State, Egg Bowl

BP: The pain of giving up 17 points in the 4th quarter last year is still there for the Rebs, but on the bright side, the loss got the Shrimper out of town and brought in a borderline insane Houston Nutt. The Rebs completely manhandled LSU in all phases last week, a W gets them to an improbable (unless you talked to me before the season) 8 wins and a trip to Dallas for the Cotton Bowl. Rebs in a walk.

MM: Ole Miss. Egg Bowl. Cause no son of Yosimite Sam Snead is going to let Darth Croom get the better of him. Plus, Bunkie is making the drive over, so I expect the Rebels to perform well knowing that they are being graced with his presence during the Thanksgiving holiday.

Georgia -8 v. Georgia Tech

BP: Georgia Tech. Paul Johnson’s indignant refusal to throw a forward football pass will not keep the Jackets from staying close here. UGA comes out with the win, but its a nailbiter.

MM: Georgia. Alpha Betas vs. Tri-Lams. Cause they’re playing football, not the College Greek Olympics this time. Plus, even with their advanced math option plays, how are the Nerds going to block Ogre?

LSU -4.5 @ Arkansas, Battle of the Boot

BP: LSU. On paper, LSU is a better team, but they always seem to have trouble when they travel to the glamorous Arkansas capitol city. A win for Bobby P’s crew would give them a decent springboard into next season, an LSU loss will extend the Baton Rouge 24 hour suicide watch for a few more weeks. It wont Happen.

MM: Arkansas. Battle for the Boot. Cause the coonass nation is in chaos with no signs of recovery. Plus, if LSU sticks with Jarrett Lee at QB, that’s like an extra 7-14 points right there for the Hogs.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:03:46 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 27-26-2 (Last Week3-2)

Mike Medallion: 30-23-2 (Last Week 2-3)

Texas Tech +6.5 @ OU

BP: Texas Tech. A band of pirates hijacks one of the World’s largest oil tankers and holds it for ransom. Swashbuckling offensive mad mad Mike Leach takes his team into Norman to hijack the BCS. Can’t be a coincidence.

MM: Texas Tech. It’s like Christmas came early on this pick. The boys in Vegas thought it would be prudent to give the Red Raider “We will score more than you” Offense a TD before the game even starts. Thanks, we’ll take it. Guns Up Leach has been kind to our wallets this year, I see no reason to doubt him now.

Ole Miss +3.5 @ LSU

BP: Ole Miss. Sandbagging LSU fans have been singing the praises of the Rebels all week and lamenting their own teams abilities following the Tiger’s computer-on-All-Madden-level type comeback against Troy. Don’t believe that swamp voodoo for a second, this one is coming down to the wire.

MM: Ole Miss. The Nutt will travel back to the scene of the crime from last year with a new team only to find a demoralized Tiger team that has quickly turned against Les Miles. With the QB situation at LSU in a state of chaos, I think Ole Miss sneaks out with a W, or at least keeps it within a FG (which is all that really matters anyway).

Michigan +20.5 @ Ohio State

BP: tOSU. RichRod has been telling Michigan fans to “get a life”all week, plus he’s starting a back-up quarterback that Im sure has no business running the spread offense. Should be good times. Ohio State will revel in a chance to steamroll their rival.

MM: Michigan. Rich Rodriguez gives Michigan fans a glimmer of hope…by just covering the 21 points. Too bad, none of the Wolverine fans, who have by this point lost all hope, will bet on Michigan.

Florida State -1 @ Maryland

BP: Maryland. Conventional wisdom says that Florida State is more talented than Maryland. but conventional wisdom is not something that should be brought to the table when considering anything in the ACC this year. Up is down, left is right, Ralph Fridegen’s skinny, its chaos.

MM: Florida State. Are they still playing football in the ACC this year? Is Bowden still coaching? He is? I guess I’ll go with the Noles then.

Washington -7 @ Washington State

BP: Washington. The worst two teams in Division I bring a combined 1-20 record into this years Apple Cup. Because we practice witchcraft on the side, we have advance video of the highlights of the game.

MM: Washington. You know how everyone uses that tired rant about how a particular rivalry is the best because the “records don’t matter” or “it would still be a huge game if both teams were winless”, well, here’s your chance to prove yourselves Apple Cup fans. I just wonder how excitingly-bad this game will be. Its either going to be 0-0 or 56-56 going into the 4th quarter. Though, in this craptastic showcase, I guess have to go with my family ties to U-Dub to get its first win this season and, more importantly, cover.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:17:20 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 24-24-2 (Last Week 2-3)

Mike Medallion: 28-20-2 (Last Week 3-2)

Florida -22.5 v. South Carolina

BP: South Carolina. Look I realize that Florida is devouring opponents whole at this point in the season and Tim Tebow is doing baby rhino type things that we all expected him to, but the original Florida legend returns to the swamp this week with a more than game Cock team (get it?). The BCS predictions of Florida making it all the way just seem to convenient and easy at this point, theres got to be a stumbling block for someone at some point. This could be Florida’s.

MM: Florida South Carolina. I was going to pick Florida, but I just can’t pick against Spurrier, especially with the 22.5-point bonus that comes with the pick. Just can’t do it. Yeah, yeah…Florida is the ”best” team in the country right now (so says ESPN) and it’s in the Swamp (2-2 Auburn and Ole Miss teams have won there in the last two years…it’s not that intimidating anymore), but the OBC should will be able to keep it within 3 freakin’ TDs.

Mississippi State -21.5 @ Bama

BP: Mississippi State. There’s no reason State should be in this game, but Sly has magical tilted hat powers against his alma mater for some reason plus he hasn’t sufficiently Croom’d anyone this year, but a win at Bama would be an epic Crooming, even by the coach killer’s standards.

MM: Alabama. The Tide begins its two-game “Payback’s a Bitch” tour this weekend. I’m not sure what a reverse-Crooming entails, but I figure it won’t be pretty.

Vandy +4 @ Kentucky

BP: Vandy. The 6th win has got to come somewhere right? Why not against a Kentucky team that had the rug forcibly pulled from underneath them last week. Let down game?…we all know what Rich Brooks would think about that.

MM: Kentucky. Ever since Gameday (and myself) left the fair city of Nashville in early October, the Dores have been in a free fall. That fall continues. But don’t fret Vandy fans, the Tennessee game is on the horizon.

UGA -8.5 @ Auburn

BP: Auburn. Only 8.5 to a terrible Auburn team? Me thinks Vegas knows something that no one else does. I don’t see how Auburn scores with Georgia, but that line just begs everyone to roll with the Dawgs. I won’t take the bait for once.

MM: UGA. The Vegas oddsmakers must have been smoking crack or at least taking some strong prescription painkillers when they came up with this line. Auburn was tied with UT-Martin…in the third quarter last week. The only joy Auburn fans will get out of this game will be knowing that this is last Auburn game ever on the often-celebrated berated RAYCOM network. But that joy will only last a short while as they will quickly realize that, next year, all of the morning SEC Auburn games will be relegated to ESPN U.

USC -23 @ Stanford

BP: USC. The Trojans will not fall prey to the same less than stellar effort they had last time they went to Palo Alto. USC needs serious style points in order to get back in the National Championship picture. A win at Stanford wont exactly help, but anything less than a blowout wont be all that impressive either.

MM: USC. No upset this time around, plus USC needs to put up plenty of those “style points” that Herbstreit keeps ranting about if they want any chance of a shot at the BCS NC game.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:39:27 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 22-21-2 (Last Week 3-2)

Mike Medallion: 25-18-2 (Last Week 4-1)

Oklahoma State +3.5 @ Texas Tech

BP: Oklahoma State: The dread pirate Leach and his band full of precision route running scallywags have been engorging themselves with food and drink and defiling the fair maidens of Lubbock all week…such are the spoils of a great pirate victory. The swashbuckling Graham Harrell will be too bleary eyed from the week previous to find the scourge of the secondary, Michael Crabtree, enough to pull off an improbable victory on the high seas two weeks in a row. Pirate symbolism off.

MM: Texas Tech. The Pirate vs. The 40-year-old man. Advantage: The Pirate. But don’t worry, the man can take it, he’s 40.

Bama -3.5 @ LSU

BP: LSU. A vat of hate 2 years in the brewing. Boos and, more than likely, bags of urine and full bottles of bourbon will rain down on Saint Nick in his return to Tiger Stadium. Outside of Georgia, Bama was been living off of cushy non-conference (yeah, looking at you Clemson) and bottom feeding SEC types to remain undefeated. LSU’s secondary is suspect, but if the Tigers can get to the well manicured gentleman throwing passes for the Tide it could get interesting.

MM: Alabama. Lord Saban vs. Corndogs. Advantage: The Lord. Upon his return to the Red Stick, he will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger….And you will know his name is the Lord when he lays his vengeance upon you, Tiger fans.

Ga. Tech +3.5 @ UNC

BP: UNC. I have no idea what to think about the ACC at this point. Al Groh is winning games with his 4th string QB, Duke has a winning record, and Sean Glennon looked like a viable college quarterback last night, so who knows at this point. Someone’s got to step up and win this thing, why not the Heels. They are young, well coached, and their most famous football alumni is a complete lunatic…so theres that.

MM: UNC. Butch Davis vs. Engineering Geeks. Advantage: Butch. After all, he’s got to keep impressing the SEC schools who may want lure him away from Chapel Hill.

Clemson +5.5 @ FSU

BP: FSU. Bobby Bowden is a good Christian man. He loves his neighbor, treats others like he would want to be treated, and he probably even has one of those handy dandy “bible verse of the day” calenders on his desk. He might even teach Sunday school or volunteer once a week at the homeless shelter. Im sure he is salt of the earth and all of that jazz, but he is going to absolutely lay the wood to Clemson for firing his baby boy. Hell, he might even put on a headset this weekend.

MM: Clemson. Bowden vs. Bowden Clemson. Advantage: Clemson. Bowden will try his best to punish the school that gave his son the pink slip. He will fail. Though, at least his wife doesn’t have to worry about cheering against her son anymore.

Kansas +1 @ Nebraska

BP: Kansas. This one might be close, but all I really know is, no one is dressing their kid up like Bo Pelini for Halloween…Mark Mangino?…yes indeed.

MM: Kansas. Mangina vs. Lil’ Red. Advantage: Mangina. While Lil’ Red is bigger, not by much, it’s not enough to hold back the Mangina charging into Lincoln.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:50:17 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 19-19-2 (1-4 last week)

Mike Medallion: 21-17-2 (3-2 last week)

Ole Miss -6 v. Auburn

BP: Auburn. Ole Miss has no business being 6 point favorites against anybody. Tommy Tuberville returns to a place he once said he wouldn’t leave without a pine box…if he doesn’t beat the Rebels this weekend, Auburn fans may give him his wish.

MM: Ole Miss. As funny as it might sound, Auburn is undefeated at halftime. So, I’ll go with a halftime score of Auburn 14 Ole Miss 10. But then there’s that darn second half they have to worry about where opponents miraculously figure out Auburn’s defensive scheme and its high schoolEnsminger-run offense. Final Score: Auburn 14 Ole Miss 31.

Florida -6 v. Georgia

BP: Florida. The Gators looked sufficiently pissed off last weekend as they beat down Kentucky at home in an act that would be considered domestic violence in 35 states (none of which are in the south mind you). Georgia comes off an impressive win in Baton Rouge but the warm fuzzies from last week wont be enough as the Gator’s super quick pill toting midgets get it done by a comfortable margin.

MM: Florida.It should be an exciting game even if neither team starts a dance party in the endzone after their first touchdown. The speed of Florida is mind boggling, and, unlike LSU, they have a team that utilizes it far to well for UGA to handle.

Texas Tech +6 v. Texas

BP: Texas Tech. It’ll be Texas’ 4th straight tester. The Red Raiders looked down right wooly last week at Kansas. I like the dred pirate Leach to finally get a major Big 12 win. Plus I just bought this t-shirt to commemorate the impending victory.

MM: Texas Tech. Texas Shootout. Colt. Guns Up. So many gun references for the Gameday signs this week it will be hard for the fans to choose, especially for the Texas fans, so EDSBS has offered up plenty of Corso-penis references to display instead. But all penis jokes aside, this one will be a shootout. Red Raiders looked good last week, and I think they’ll look better this week, even against Muschamp’s defense.

Tulsa -7 @ Arkansas

BP: Tulsa. Arkansas has shown improvement the last couple of week, but it matters not when the the Gus bus rolls into town this weekend. Malzahn, the former Springdale High School coach and super fun passing sven gali returns to the motherland to burn out scoreboard light bulbs in Fayetteville.

MM: Tulsa. With this game, Tulsa will get to embarrass one SEC team before it embarrasses another in the Liberty Bowl. Gus is waiting for your call, Auburn, if you truly are “staying with the spread.”

South Carolina -6 v. Tennessee

BP: South Carolina. Would Lex Luthor lend a friendly hand to a Superman after he placed a rock of kryptonite around his neck? Would Darth Vader send flowers to the grieving family of some random ship captain he did the no hands Jedi choke you out move? Would Ric Flair sew up Dusty Rhodes’ stitches after he blindsided him with a tire iron? Spurrier won’t call of the dogs on Fulmer and his limping through the season Vol squad.

MM: South Carolina. You think Spurrier is anxiously awaiting his chance to seal Fulmer’s fate at Tennessee (though it’s probably a done deal already anyway)? Me too. I guess that means Southern Maid will be safe come late December.

The Program's Picks

Michael Medallion — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:33:31 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins: 18-15-2

Mike Medallion:18-15-2

LSU -2.5 v. Georgia

BP: LSU. Its at home. Its at night midday (which is Cajun for “We’ll be drunk by then”). Louisiana has drive through Daquiri stores so you know the coonass faithful will be good and insulated come game time. LSU’s defenive line looked like the unit they were supposed to be in the second half of the South Carolina game and Georgia’s one glaring issue is their pass protection. Los Tigres by a field goal.

MM: UGA. Because Trev Alberts’ guess is as good as mine:

Texas -12.5 v. Ok State

BP: OK State. Texas mauled Mizzou last week therefore the spread is probably a little generous…much like Colt McCoy’s girlfriend (heyo!). ESPN has been fawning over the Horns all week, which means they’ll probably lay a burnt orange egg on the field Saturday. They pull it out at home but by less than the points.

MM: Texas. Because OSU fans are retarded, especially the young ones:

Ole Miss -3.5 @ Arkansas

BP: Ole Miss. Ill have much more on this game very shortly, but lets just put it this way, Gregg Doyell has the right idea.

MM: Arkansas. Because I couldn’t pick against Good in the renewed rivalry of Good vs. Evil:

Ohio State +2 v. Penn State

BP: Ohio State. Believe me, theres nothing I’d like more than Penn State to push Ohio State out of the BCS picture for good, but I don’t think it happens at home. So we’ll be relegated to the eventual Ohio State is back in the hunt talk for the rest of the year. I can’t wait.

MM: Penn State. Because the weird guy in the dorm says so.

Duke +9.5 @ Vandy

BP: Vandy. Too many smart kids from New Jersey in one place for my liking. David Cutcliffe used to depend on Vandy for one of his 3 annual SEC wins when he was at Ole Miss, this time the Dores wont be near as accommodating.

MM: Vandy. Because you have to declare a winner even in a battle between nerds:

The Program's Picks: Weird Al Edition

Michael Medallion — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:23:48 +0000

Overall Standings:

Bunkie Perkins: 15-14-1 (1-4 last week)

Mike Medallion: 17-12-1 (4-1 last week)

We’ve had a completely unhealthy and unexplainable love and appreciation for the musical and comedic stylings of one Mr. Albert “Weird Al” Yankovic. In honor of his new single “Whatever You Like” , we embark on a celebration of his entire catalogue in this week’s picks and hope that one day we too can drink the healing waters from the fire hose.

Florida -4 v. LSU

BP: Florida. Florida all but had this game won last year in Baton Rouge had it not been for the Caucasian sensation Jacob Hester throwing his body ahead for first downs. LSU’s win over Auburn doesn’t look as impressive given the Tiger’s recent woes and Florida is too good to lose back to back games in the Swamp.

MM: Florida. Tebow won’t cry after this one is over. I’m still not convinced that LSU is as good as their ranking. Heck, look at the number of points that the craptacular offenses of Auburn and Mississippi State put up on them.

Al: Florida. Tebow cuts up the Tigers like…well you know…

UNC -7.5 v. Notre Dame

BP: Notre Dame. UNC is the hot pick here but we just aren’t ready to completely jump on the Butch Davis bandwagon just yet. Jimmy Clausen keeps it close without having a hair out of place. Heels win but Notre Dame slides in for the cover.

MM: UNC. North Carolina vs. Notre Dame. Advantage. Helicopter-spinning white towels. Butch Davis is also a plus.

Al: Notre Dame. Charlie Weiss is a big fan of Al’s early work…

Vandy -3 @ Miss. State

BP: Miss. State. Super terrific upset special of the weekend and whatnot. Vandy has been living the dream for 5 weeks now and a trappy Mississippi State squad should muster up just enough offense to trigger the eventual Vandy downfall.

MM: Vandy. All the cowbells in the world won’t be able to keep everyone from using the phrase “SEC-East leader” to describe Vandy next week.

Al: Vandy…obviously…

Tennesse +12 @ Georgia

BP: Georgia. The Dawgs bounce back from the disappointment that was the Bama game by preying on the weaker species this weekend. UT is as bad as they have been since Johnny Majors was three sheets to the wind on the Vol sideline. The boatman cometh for Fat Phil.

MM: Tennessee. I’m going out on limb with this pick. Tennessee is downright awful and Phil Fulmer is Public Enemy #1 in Tennessee right now. But, something tells me (i.e., friends at the bar last night before taking tequila shots) that UT’s D-Line and O-Line control the line of scrimmage, and keep this one close.

Al: Tennessee. AI always likes to support one of his former back up dancers when he can. Go Phil!

OU -7 v. Texas

BP: OU. To this day the worst bout of food poisoning I ever experienced was after a corny dog feast at the Texas State Fair right before the Red River Shootout. Somehow blowing chunks all over I75 didn’t have the gratifying after effects that I always assumed it would. Either way, i blame the whole thing on Mack Brown.

MM: Oklahoma. The phone calls from Tennessee and Auburn this week may have distracted Will “Boom Mother F*cker” Muschamp enough that his defense lets this one get out of hand early. Actually, it’s going to be a blowout regardless. Plus, Oklahoma doesn’t turn into Choklahoma until later in the year anyway.

Al: OU. This doesn’t tie into the pick in any way whatsoever…but its my favorite Wierd Al offering, so deal with it…Dick Van Patten suckas!

The Program's Picks: Liquored Up Edition

Michael Medallion — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:55:08 +0000

Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins 14-10-1 (3-2 last week)

Mike Medallion 13-11-1 (3-2 last week)

Ole Miss -3 v. South Carolina

Mike Medallion and some of his clubbin’ cohorts help pick this week’s games…jager bombs for all.

BP: Ole Miss. The classic let down game. Ole Miss is coming off the biggest win since they peed in Rudy Rudiger’s Notre Dame Cheerios in 1977 and they’re also the pretty new SI upset cover boy. It has all the makings…but Spurrier is playing quarterback roulette these days without a home run hitter at receiver or running back. The most improbably stat may be that Ole Miss, since South Carolina joined the SEC, has never lost to the Gamecocks. Ellis Johnson’s defense keeps it close but not close enough.

MM: South Carolina. To make my picks this week, I decided to head to the neighborhood bar (no, not Applebees) last night to see what the general consensus was among the winos and drunks in town about the games this week. Our old friend, Drunk Jock was there. He, along with two of his buddies, were at the bar telling tall tales about their latest sexual conquests when the topic turned to college football. So I asked them to help me make my picks this week. First up, USC-Ole Miss. Drunk Jock immediately blurted out “The Cocks Bust a Nutt” in this one. (Gosh, how we love cock jokes. What would we do without the Casey Dicks, Houston Nutts, Bobby Johnsons, and the Cock mascots of the world?) The others also liked the Spurrier-coached team on the road, so the Cocks and points will work for me. We’ll just hope for a let down by the Rebels this week and Jevan Snead throwing a few passes to the wrong team.

Alabama -16.5 v. Kentucky

BP: Bama. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again. I will not bet against Nick Saban again.

MM: Kentucky. Even though you’ll never hear a RTR from this crowd, they all thought Bama wins this one, just not by 17. Mind you that Kentucky hasn’t played anyone with a pulse yet. I still think they’re right, as I see this one ending up Tide 20 UK 7. So, C-A-T-S, Cats, Cats, Cats!

Auburn -4 @ Vandy

BP: Auburn. Tubs put the Tony Franklin System and Aggressive Weight Loss Program out of its misery this week in favor of something that might actually garner positive yardage for the inept Tiger offense. Solely based on talent, Auburn should be able to run the single wing for the entire weekend and cover the 4.

MM: Auburn. I had to be careful to avoid their delusional homerism (and my own) with this pick. Plus, they had been drinking for a several hours by this point. Drunk Jock and his buddies seemed genuinely certain that Auburn’s defense would again be the deciding factor, and the offense (whether it’s The Spread or Auburn reverts back to 80s and runs the wishbone) would come around. I agreed about the defense, though I still have no hope in whatever is left of the spread offense or Chris Todd’s arm/shoulder for that matter. Since it was a consensus, I’m sticking with their pick and hoping for a fun weekend in Nashville.

Michigan -2.5 v. Illinois

BP: Illinois. Vegas loves Michigan for some reason and completely suckered everyone into laying the points with Wisconsin last week. Never one to learn from our mistakes, we are rolling with the Zooker and his water skiing armor of awesomeness.

MM: Illinois. At this point, we’re all doing shots at the bar. Though, I did manage to get everyone’s focus back on football just enough to talk about Illinoise and Meechigan. No one had any faith in Rich Rodriquez. None. So, we’ll go with the Illini winning this one outright and Juice Williams having a big day.

Notre Dame -7.5 v. Stanford

BP: Notre Dame. The complete over-inflation of the significance of Notre Dame will continue for yet another week. i fully expect ESPN to have their stock “Can the Irish get into the BCS?” report up and ready to go. With the win, we fully expect a raucous celebration on the streets of South Bend…but you kids may want to tone it down a little.

MM: Stanford. By the time we got to this game, I could hardly keep their attention. After an incoherent discussion about a Tree and a Leprechaun, I think Drunk Jock and his buddies all agreed to pick Stanford. Though, they didn’t give any reason why. Heck, alcohol-induced picks are likely better than rationalized picks based on statistics and injury reports anyway. So why not?