Weird Al Yankovic: The Night Santa Went Crazy

Let this be a lesson to all you little boys and girls who like to cheat The Fat Man of cookies.

While I was looking through the ‘Weird Al’ merchandise, I ran across a white & nerdy backpack; I think that’s kind of fun.  I don’t really need another backpack, but this would still be a fun one to get.

Yeah, the holidays are here.  No, I wasn’t being sarcastic. 

Top 10 Album lists are pretty popular but I’ll be honest: I didn’t listen to enough full albums this year to feel like I really knew what I was talking about. Being a radio guy, I guess I mostly listen to singles. If you want someone who is a real music head, then check out Brad’s year-end best-of list. On the other hand, I did listen to my fair share of comedy albums. I didn’t listen to everything that came out (as of this writing I still haven’t heard the new George Lopez album and I avoid any CD by a member of the Blue Comedy Collar Tour like a Blue Collar Comedy Tour audience member avoids evolution) but I think I caught most everything else that came by. I’ll include clips from the album when I can find them, so just in case you have kids…or office mates…nearby, you may wanna keep an eye on the volume. Most of them contain words that will get your mouth washed out with soap.

10. Stephen Lynch, 3 Balloons
Not my favorite Lynch album, but still worth a mention. I especially enjoyed “Fishin Hole” (Where everyone is a butthole) and “Dear Diary,” a collection of “he didn’t just say that, did he?” tributes to dead celebrities.

9. Greg Giraldo, Midlife Vices
Like most people, I became acquainted with Giraldo through his work on Comedy Central’s Roasts. He’s always teased as “the comic no one has heard of.” Although this is funny because it’s true, it shouldn’t be the case.

8. Jon Lajoie, You Want Some of This
One of four comedians on this list that are comedic songwriters. I used to abhor musical comedians (besides Weird Al) but when they’re funny, they’re funny. LaJoie’s CD not only celebrates the joy of just being a regular guy, but does it to a beat that would get spins on any Top 40 station.

7. Nick Swardson, Seriously, Who Farted?
Swardson, the guy who appears in every Comedy Central show ever, returns to what (I think) he does best. Goofy voices and uncomfortable situations.

6. Christopher Titus, Love is Evol
Released three days after Valentine’s Day, the album is one long rant about someone facing the D-Word: Divorce. As someone who’s been in each phase of this journey, it’s as if someone took everything I didn’t know how to say and said it better. And funnier. I don’t know. Maybe I can just relate because I too once spent some time splitting up with a psycho.

5. Dane Cook, Isolated Incident
Dane Cook got so big so fast, it wasn’t long before the backlash set it. At first he was the cool underground sensation and suddenly he became cool to hate. I don’t get it. If someone’s good, then they’re good. I mean come on, how does he keep coming up with great material…and so much of it! Another double disc. This new collection shows he isn’t just a jokey jokester, but he’s an amazing storyteller.

4. “Weird Al” Yankovic, Internet Leaks
Someone who’s been doing this as long as Al has shouldn’t be on this list. Compared to everyone else on the list, Al’s an old-timer. But his song “CNR” done in the style of the White Stripes and heralding the most surprising of heroes shows he’s still got it.

3. The Lonely Island, Incredibad
My favorite songs on this CD are the ones I hadn’t already seen on SNL. And this CD boasts the best line-up of guest vocalists on any album this year: T-Pain, Jack Black, Norah Jones, Justin Timberlake, Natalie Portman, and Julian Casablancas.

2. Patton Oswalt, My Weakness is Strong
There are some people that are just funny when they’re angry, and Oswalt is one of them. His album starts off with this “I Hate” bit and only gets better.

1. Jim Gaffigan, King Baby
Just when you thought he’d never be able to top his own catch phrase (“Hot Pocket!”) he does it with just one word: bacon.

Essay by David Cotner  on Weird Al Yankovic’s influence on the avant-garde.

Manfredo Fest & here.

Wright Organic Resource Center in Malibu, CA

Last week, I mentioned my less-than-enthusiastic attitude toward parody, in the context of how I’d just written several for a radio show. Incongruent, eh?

In last week’s specific instance, I wrote parodies because that was the assignment, and time was way too short for debating to be a viable option. In the context of the show, I think the choice of parody works; the show is something of a political take on War of the Worlds; now that the liberals have quote-unquote taken over, they are free to impose their quote-unquote true agenda. The songs are parodies of Christmas carols rewritten to support this true agenda. (I haven’t seen the script of the full show, so I can’t judge if it’s a true parody or more of an allusion. It’s a lot less cut-and-dry with a show than it is with music.)

Under this premise, I think the choice to have music based on parody fills its purpose. In many cases, though, the choice is made for a far weaker purpose. Musical parodies in sketch comedy, in particular, often seem to have no connection between the original song and the parody, and the reason for writing a parody rather than an original song seems to be just that it’s easier or that it gives a shortcut to a laugh. (Even a hardened soul like me will usually give a familiarity chuckle at the start of a parody, even if it’s no good!)

It’s a shame that artists (and yes, sketch comedy should aspire to arthood just like any other theatrical endeavor) take that shortcut. It’s also a little strange that it’s taken by people who genuinely care deeply about their work and it shows in other aspects of their production. Admittedly, writing the music to a song is a different skill set. But if you don’t have it, and you can’t acquire it, well, there are musicians out there who can. Use their services.

The Parody King

I feel like there’s an elephant in the room here: “Weird Al” Yankovic. Let me declare first off that I am a fan. So how do I reconcile that with what I said above?

First off, the dude is skilled and he works hard. That gets you a long way.

Second, he really doesn’t have a lot of output, at least not that makes an album. He’s only released about an album every three years since the early ’90s. They’ve had about 12 songs each, about half of which are parodies. So that’s two releasable parodies a year.

And third, about half of those parodies suck. (Sacrilege!)

His best parodies seem to be the ones where the true subject is the absurdity (and yet, the goodness) of popular music. “White & Nerdy,” “I Think I’m a Clone Now,” “Fat,” and “Like a Surgeon” all spring to mind as examples where the original song is—if you were to read the lyrics as a poem—pretty silly, but the alchemy of words and music and performance makes it work. The parodies work on the same level. Meanwhile, the parodies that have a more specific and tangible purpose (“Achy Breaky Song” for example, with its unsubtle message that “Achy Breaky Heart” was everywhere and it sucked, or the list-of-bad-TV-shows songs “I Can’t Watch This” and “Couch Potato”) are a lot more likely to fail.

Parody with Style

Weird Al does a lot of what he calls style parodies—songs that don’t directly parody a specific song but which sound a lot like some artist or genre. I think this is a much better way to go; he’s certainly had some inspired songs that fall into this category. (“Pancreas”, anyone?)

To draw the discussion back to theater, and not just musical theater or sketch comedy: I’ve been involved in a fair number of “improvised parodies of.” Probably will be again, frankly. But they often occupy a really low-rent section of the improv world.

The counter-example: I stage managed for several months Cast on a Hot Tin Roof, which was an improvised Tennessee Williams parody. But this was very much a style parody; it didn’t parody any particular play, but it got a number of audience suggestions that were common elements in his plays but also provided meaty fodder for improvisation. (Specifically, one character had a dream, that would inevitably be dashed, while another had a deep dark secret that ultimately would be revealed.) The show worked because there was genuine affection for the work it was inspired by; it used elements from Williams’ plays without being constrained by them, and the purpose was to put on an engaging show rather than to get cheap laughs by parodying something. (It also had tremendously good performers.)

Probably the worst parody show I’ve been involved in was an improvised Oscars show. While it had plenty of structural problems (most notably, a rigid structure that constrained any improvisation without even having the benefit of providing a useful framework for the story or characters to be built off of) that made it much worse, this show was rotten to the concept. What is the purpose in parodying the Oscars? To tell the world that they’re vapid? That fruit hangs lower than Joan Rivers’s un-surgeried breasts.

In theory, the show was easy. It’s certainly easy to explain. But in practice, it wasn’t any less work to develop that show than it was any of the other shows that that group did. It was, however, by far the worst. And even if everything had gone right with that show—if the structure had worked perfectly—the quality would have never risen above disposably amusing.

So that’s my real problem with parody. If the technique is chosen out of fear or laziness, it becomes a limitation rather than a tool.

*****

And after that diatribe… catch the Democracy Burlesque show, The War on XMas, this Sunday December 20 at 7 AM on WCPT 820-AM.

A couple of weeks ago, I reviewed the greatest hits compilation from pop parody king, “Weird Al” Yankovic, appropriately named The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic. You can read part one right here. The two CD set contains 38 tracks. It’s the most definitive collection of his parodies and original tracks that’s every been released so far, spanning his entire 25+ year career.

But since they could ONLY choose 38 songs, out of his entire catalog, from his twelve studio albums, it’s obvious that some songs were going to be left out.  Well, as I said in part one of my CD review, when I heard that this was being released, I made a list of my favorite Weird Al songs. While many of them match up with what is included on the Essential collection, there are still a handful that I feel should have been included as well. Now,  I wont list all of the songs that I feel should have made the cut, but here are four examples of what’s missing, in case you want to use the Essential compilation as a starting point, then delve deeper into his back catalog.

Midnight Star (from the album In 3-D, released 1984)

I’ve almost always liked Al’s original songs better than the parodies.  Some people don’t even realize that he DOES original songs at all, but every album features about five or six.  I know why this song wasn’t included, because it’s pretty obscure, but it was always my favorite track on the album that featured “Eat It.”  The song references a fake tabloid magazine (think National Enquirer, or Weekly World News) and the crazy headlines included within.

Sample lyrics:  ”Your pet may be an extra-terrestrial”, “The ghost of Elvis is living in my den”.

This Is The Life (from the album Dare To Be Stupid, 1985)

This is one of my top 5 Weird Al songs of all time.  Originally released as a single and video from the movie Johnny Dangerously (what movie?!?) this is another original Al composition about living the good life.

Sample lyrics: “I buy a dozen cars when I’m in the mood, I hire somebody to chew my food..”



And seriously, what’s not to like about a ragtime piano song that features a killer guitar solo AND a DJ-scratch breakdown.

Christmas At Ground Zero (from the album Polka Party, 1986)

One of the only good songs on Polka Party (sorry Al!), an album that includes parodies of songs that have been known and loved through today (“Who’s Johnny?” and “Ruthless People?”.. crickets… see what I mean?)  The Essential set includes a later Al Christmas tune, “The Night Santa Went Crazy” but this one has always been my favorite.  Christmas in the middle of a nuclear attack always equals good comedy.

Sample lyrics: “You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop, or Jack Frost on your windowsill.  But if someone’s climbing down your chimney, you better load your gun and shoot to kill.”

Close But No Cigar (from the album Straight Outta Lynwood, 2006)

Finally, the Essential CD’s include a lot of songs from Al’s last release, Straight Outta Lynwood.  After all, it was one of his most successful CD’s to date. But unfortunately my favorite song on the disc was not included. “Close But No Cigar” is what is known as a style parody.  The song parodies several songs by the band Cake, but does not specifically parody any one of them exactly.

Sample lyrics: “One day I found out she actually owned a copy of Joe Dirt on DVD”



The animated video for the song was made by Ren and Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi, and is one of Al’s best. This is one that will get stuck in your head for quite awhile.

Hopefully you enjoyed these four songs as much as anything on the Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic. The best thing about Weird Al is that over 25 years after he first started, he’s still making albums, now even embracing the digital age for his last release Digital Leaks. And as many have pointed out, he’s lasted in this business, while the careers of a majority of the artists he’s parodied, may have ended a long time ago.

Weird Al Yankovic – The Beer Song . Music video made from Lego . The lyrics is funny and the video is great . I used to drink a lot of beer , but not anymore im decent lol.

Drink with your family,
Drink it with your friends,
Drink till you’re fat,
Stomach distends,
Beer is liquid bread it’s good for you,
We like to drink till we spew,
EW
Who cares if we get fat,
I’ll drink to that,
As we sing once more.

I woke up early this morning without an alarm so I decided to head to spinning class at Healthworks. It was a challenging class, full of small blocks of work – about 5 minutes each – on gradually increasing hills (which were hard!) and a minute or two of recovery in between. The instructor played a funny song by Weird Al Yankovic called “Grapefruit Diet” which was a parody of “Zoot Suit Riot.” (See the lyrics here) I’m not sure if it was the song or the really great work workout, but I noticed that I was hungrier today than usual!

Finding a way to balance nutritional needs with my workout schedule can be difficult. Of course, I need enough energy to do the workout and get through the day, but I know many people struggle with eating too much after working out. I have a family friend who uses her workout as an excuse to eat more (and sometimes more dessert), but a lot of people who do this often overestimate what they can then eat in calories! Still others see working out as a healthy habit that encourages them to eat healthier as a result.

-Kelli

What is your attitude towards working out and your diet?

Pour ceux qui ne connaissent pas Weird Al Yankovic et plus particulièrement sa parodie de “Like a Virgin” en “Like a surgeon”, je vous conseille vivement de cliquer sur ce lien. Une vidéo digne du Zapping de Derek !

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! On this fine day, Americans from all over the world gather together to celebrate the magic of food. Though we traditionally like to carve up turkey and make stuffing (finally, a food named after the verb that goes along with it), and craaaaaanberry sauce, thanks to The Food Network and the American Dream (and those terrible vegetarians like uhh, Weird Al), we can pretty much eat anything we want on Thanksgiving, provided of course we eat too much of it.

So, in the spirit of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, which is food and the promise of genocide, I might as well talk about Weird Al and his Food Album:

Of course, I originally had not planned on talking about this album, because it’s a compilation, but I evntually figured something out. Basically, hardly any Weird Al albums are actually albums, per se, because of the nature of his work. The music wasn’t written to contain any kind of cohesion or agreement, because he didn’t write the music. Thus, a collection of singles about a single topic, despite being recorded all over the 80’s and 90’s, is as close to a proper album as anything else. Heck, the word “album” is right there in the title so I have no problem.

As Weird Al’s food-based parodies tend to be some of his most famous, this album is quite good despite its ho-hum rating from Allmusic, which cites that it has too many songs about food on it (thanks, Allmusic). Also, as I mentioned in my last writeup of Weird Al, it’s the first CD I ever owned, as I only had cassettes before that (and now I feel old).

The first song is one of Weird Al’s best and most cited (thanks to its amazing video), the Michael Jackson parody “Fat”. Really, I could tell you what this parody of “Bad” is all about, but I think Wikipedia description is better than anything I could do:

“About a man’s obesity that is blown out of proportion.”

Either way, it’s certainly one of those songs that really sort of makes me unable to really appreciate the original anymore because it’s not hilarious. Such is the way with most Weird Al parodies, really.

The second song is a parody of one of the most annoying songs I’ve ever heard, “La Bamba”, which is now about a food item very close to a certain America’s Favorite Cat, “Lasagna”. The song is presumably based on the understanding that, if you visit an Italian person’s home and have dinner with them, you will wind up eating everything in their house. This is presented in “La Bamba”s typical over-the-top Flamenco-ness, which oddly translates really well into Italian, mainly thanks to Al’s extraordinary accordion chops. What Al does extraordinarily well is over-the-top Italian accents, as that is the main joke of the song. Still, I quite enjoy this one, especially for the accordion solo half way through.

“Addicted To Spuds” is based on Robert Palmer’s “Addicted To Love”, which was a big song in the 80’s or something. I actually quite like this song, either version, which kind of goes against my rampant 80’s-hatin’. Again, Wikipedia’s summary of the song is better than anything I could come up with:

“About a man’s fondness for potatoes prepared in an assortment of ways.”

There is a particular line that says “I used to hate them, now they’re all that I eat”, and I can relate to that, because I used to hate potatoes when I was a kid, and I think everyone goes through that phase at some point. Mind you, I’m no addict, I can quit any time!

One of my favorite songs on the collection is “I Love Rocky Road“, a parody of The Arrows’ song “I Love Rock N’ Roll” as covered by Joan Jett. As with many songs from Al’s first album (and one to come in this collection), this one features much original and less “authentic” reproduction of the original music and much more accordion and “manualism” provided by the legendary “Musical Mike” Kiefer. “Manualism” is, of course, just a fancy way of saying “making farty noises with your hands”, and this wouldn’t be the last time he would work with Al.

Another really great one is “Spam”, from the song “Stand” by R.E.M. I’ve never heard the original, so I don’t really know what’s been changed, but as far as songs about certain “ham and pork” products go, this one is tops. In particular, there are some subtle lyrical jokes that always crack me up, like the lines:

The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the Spam

Which is just kind of awesome.

The “other” Michael Jackson parody is next, this time we’ve got “Eat It“, which also features an awesome music video. The song itself is a brilliant parody, utilizing wordplay masterfully in mocking the “tough guy” attitude of “Beat It” with the words of a parent scolding a fussy eater of a child. Having heard both versions, I actually quite like the speedy guitar solo in Weird Al’s version, which is played by American Rick Derringer (who, in my mind, insists on having “American” incorporated into his name), as opposed to Jackson’s version featuring Eddie Van Halen. Not to say anything negative about Van Halen, he is in fact the only good thing about the band Van Halen. On a personal note, I have stolen the “amplifier exploding” gag for a song I wrote, as I have no shame.

The next song is one man’s obsession with the stuff in the middle of an Oreo, “The White Stuff”. A pretty cool take on “The Right Stuff” by New Kids On The Block, there is a certain line I always mixed up in this song, which cracked me up originally because I thought he was singing:

I love the filling most
I rub it on my roast
Mix it in with my coffee
And spread it on my toes

He is, in fact, saying “toast”, which is ok but I would have thought a more “Weird Al” move would have taken love of sandwich cookie filling to that kind of level. Interestingly, the song actually never saw the light of day as a single because the record companies held it back for being too outdated (the original having already been out for 4 years). It’s no wonder Weird Al has been so quick to embrace the digital age and its instant-release capabilities.

We then get the other song from Weird Al’s debut album, “My Bologna”, a play on the creepy classic “My Sharona”. Again, the instrumentation is much more accordion-centric, with more “manualism” from Musical Mike. In that sense, the song is actually tonally really enjoyable, I don’t know what it is about accordions in rock music, but this one’s great, at least until the middle eight which is puncuated by a loud belch.

The song “Taco Grande” is one of those that displays Al’s uncanny rapping ability. Of course, the “rap” is more of that sort of Latin pop style used for the original song, “Rico Suave”. The whole thing takes place in a Mexican restaurant with an actual Mexican (Cheech Marin!) providing a hilarious and probably authentic run-down of the menu.

Finally, we get Survivor’s “Eye Of The Tiger” played off as “Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)”. It’s about a disgraced ex-boxer, now “fat and weak”, who runs the neighborhood deli. The song is perhaps the least “funny” out of everything on the collection, as it seems more bent on recreating the original to be about something else rather than making the song all that funny, but maybe I’m just picking on it. An interesting point about this song is that it seemed to predict the plot of the newest Rocky Balboa film, as the character is working in a deli in the beginning of the movie.

Phew! So that’s a lot of words for a 10 song album, but I do rather enjoy listening to this one from time to time. Sure, it’s more fun to watch the videos, but The Food Album showcases some really good stuff from our favorite musical parodist. Happy T-day, everyone! Enjoy the leftovers!

I’ve been a fan of “Weird Al” Yankovic since I was just a little boy. The year was 1984, and back when MTV used to show actual music videos,  one day a video came on that would forever change the way I thought of music and comedy. The song was “Eat It,” Al’s parody of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson. I went out and bought the album (on vinyl at the time… yes, I’m old) and listened to it repeatedly. More albums came quickly. Back then, he would release a new one about once a year. I owned all of them on vinyl, up until the UHF film soundtrack, which I had on cassette, and then everything on CD after that. I eventually upgraded all of the older albums to CD, which is how I own them all today.

Personally, if I like somebody’s music, I am a completist. I still like to own everything they release, if it’s one of my favorite artists. I’ll even buy their CD’s, which is something that I rarely do anymore. That being said, I am not the target demographic for Weird Al’s latest release, The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic.

But if you are just a casual fan, and you’ve always wanted to own all of his best songs, collected in one place, then this is the collection for you — two CD’s, 38 tracks, 2 1/2 hours spanning a career that’s lasted 26 years (and still going strong). It contains the most popular hits, and fan favorites, parody songs and originals (yes, every Weird Al CD is about 50/50 – parodies and original material). The track list is chronological, from his very first recordings, all the way through today. For the more hardcore collectors, there a couple of alternate takes here (the single edit of “UHF” and extra-gory version of “The Night Santa Went Crazy”), but both have been available before.

Disc 1
“Another One Rides the Bus”
“Polkas on 45″
“Eat It”

“I Lost on Jeopardy”
“Yoda”
“One More Minute”
“Like a Surgeon”
“Dare to Be Stupid”
“Dog Eat Dog”
“Lasagna”
“Melanie”
“Fat”

“UHF” (single version)
“The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota”
“Trigger Happy”
“Smells Like Nirvana”
“You Don’t Love Me Anymore”
“Bedrock Anthem”
“Frank’s 2000″ TV”
“Jurassic Park”

Disc 2
“Since You’ve Been Gone”
“Amish Paradise”

“Gump”
“Everything You Know Is Wrong”
“The Night Santa Went Crazy” (Extra Gory version)
“Your Horoscope for Today”
“It’s All About the Pentiums”
“The Saga Begins”
“Albuquerque”
“eBay”
“Bob”
“Hardware Store”
“I’ll Sue Ya”
“Canadian Idiot”
“Pancreas”
“Don’t Download This Song”
“White & Nerdy”

“Trapped in the Drive-Thru”

Overall, this is an excellent “best of” for new and old fans alike. My only gripe (and it’s small) is that there are too many songs included from the most recent CD’s. My favorite Weird Al albums are still the ones released early on, because I grew up with them, but that’s probably just me. Al’s career has spawned multiple generations. There is definitely something for everyone here on The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic.

Later in the week, I’ll be posting a companion piece to this article.  You see, when I originally found out about this collection, I finally went through my iTunes library and made my own essential “best of” playlist.  It includes some lesser known songs that I feel should have been included here.  Check out part two…

Links
The Official Weird Al Website
Follow Al on Twitter

Be cool like Michael Butler and get yourself some patent leather Converse at EasyBay.com for DIRT CHEAP!

Use my code AFTOP515 to save 15% OFF any order or AFTOP520 to get 20% OFF orders of $75 or more! Live a little!

Or if sneakers just aren’t your thing, start a blog or a fan site for Butler. Go to GoDaddy.com and use my code TOP7 and get the domain name — iwanttobelikemichaelbutlerwhenigrowup.com — for just 7.49!!

Now, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And when it comes down do it, for me? It’s all about gratitude, family, friendship, love and of course, food. So, this week’s Top 5 Music Countdown is dedicated to this joyous holiday. And if your family happens to have a karaoke machine, this awesome list doubles as a Thanksgiving-themed karaoke playlist — so you can belt out and bond with your perfectly dysfunctional family. Fun, right?

5. “Sweet Potatoe Pie“
-DominoDo you remember this guy? Popular in the 90s – early 2000s. Shamed for sharking Snoop Doggy Dogg’s rapping style.

4. “November Rain“
-Guns N’ RosesDelightful symphonic rock ballad about the month of November. One of GNR’s longest songs and one of the most expensive music videos to make (at that time).

3. “Eat It“
-Weird Al YankovicFood is good to eat.

2. “Umbrella“
-Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z)Umbrellas symbolize protection, friendship and in some cultures, love.

1. “Livin’ On a Prayer“
-Bon JoviQuintessential anthem rock about hard work, love and holding onto what we’ve got!

Post your top 5 songs of thanks above! I could really use some gratitude… and love.

Know Your Meme: Auto-Tune by Rocketboom, feat. Weird Al Yankovic

The lab coat-wearing, meme-analyzing folks over at Rocketboom track the history of auto-tune in the music industry and on the internet. I’m not sure I would exactly call auto-tuning a “meme”, but the four-stage breakdown of the trend presented here is pretty comprehensive. On another note, this video only confirms my theory that Weird Al’s voice is inherently funny. You can check out the rest of the Know Your Meme series over at Rocketboom’s YouTube channel. Shawty.

A friend of mine hosted a little get-together at her place in Noe Valley this past weekend to watch R. Kelly’s hip-hopera, “Trapped in the Closet” (the first 22 chapters of which can be watched free of charge at IFC.com). I have to admit that, other than having listened to an unexpectedly hilarious series of podcasts chronicling his child pornography trial in the summer of 2008 (Dispatches from the R. Kelly Trial by Josh Levin at Slate.com), I did not know very much about the man and had fairly low expectations. I thought we’d be there to watch a spectacle of sorts. And the conceit of Trapped in the Closet doesn’t really inspire a whole lotta confidence: it’s essentially a soap opera in which all of the dialogue is sung by R. Kelly himself, while the actors essentially lip-sync the dialogue. Then there were the atmospherics of the movie-watching party, which encouraged the skepticism that was building in me: we had “Dirty Shirley” Temples (Seven & Seven plus grenadine, of course), in honor of R. Kelly’s alleged (but unproven) penchant for corrupting the young and the innocent, and a suspiciously yellow-hued drink (vodka & lemonade), in honor of his alleged penchant for peeing on the young and the innocent (also unproven). We were there to laugh, not so much to appreciate well-crafted cinema.

Well this here doubting Thomas left that party with a serious appreciation for R. Kelly’s obvious talent, versatility as a performer, and life story. I can’t say I’m going to run out and buy his new album or anything, but Trapped is definitely worth checking out. Before I discuss the hip-hopera, though, some background:

Not only did Kelly literally shed his urban rags for riches, but he recently revealed publicly (in a ballsy move, I say) that he struggles with illiteracy. As alluded to above, he has also been involved in a couple of sex-related scandals, culminating in his Michael Jackson-esque child pornography trial, at which the jury declared him not guilty on all 14 counts of videotaping himself having intercourse with an underaged girl. Notwithstanding all this hot mess, Kelly somehow has managed to record numerous well-received R&B albums and compose (and perform) an entire 22-chaper-and-counting hip-hop-opera, Trapped in the Closet.

I think it was particularly the illiteracy revelation that really softened me up. I just think it’s nearly impossible to watch Trapped in the Closet and not come out (no pun intended) with a new appreciation for and awe of its composer, who — as one of the party attendees kept remarking — was basically walking around with 22-chapters-worth of lyrical dialogue in his head.

The plot-line of Trapped is sort of like Days of Our Lives meets Guy Noir, set to fairly simple (and repetitive) music. I started off watching with with a wrinkled brow, thinking to myself, “Really?” There’s the initial disconcerting-ness of listening to R. Kelly sing all the characters’ parts, both female and male. Then there are the tacky sets, the bad acting, the cliche plot devices to get over. There’s the fun of seeing R. Kelly in several different roles, old, young, male, female (and he was surprisingly believable — assuredly not Philip Seymour Hoffman-quality, but he can hold his own in a variety show). There’s the nosy neighbor, the numerous philandering spouses, the shady pastor, the stuttering but possibly reformed pimp (Mr. Pigtales’ favorite character), and let’s not forget the well-endowed but stinky midget (really!).

But strangely, and fairly quickly, at the end of the day, it works. And it’s very smart, combining humor based on exaggeration, repetition, absurdity, and over-attention to mundane detail (expertly parodied by the incomparable Weird Al Yankovic), with repeated cliffhangers and unlikely rhymes.

(Perhaps the most masterful of rhymes, in my opinion, occurs in Chapter 11. After we learn that the aforementioned midget is named “Big Man,” R. Kelly sings something to the effect of:

“Man, is that ya’ name?” / He says, “Yeah,” we laugh hot mess / Then I say, “Man, why they call you that?” / And he says, “Because I’m blessed.”

You’ll have to guess which area of his body the midget is pointing to at this point. If you are stumped, you might call to mind the subtly-worded R. Kelly hit, “I like the Crotch on You.”)

Apparently many folks are confused upon watching Trapped, wondering if R. Kelly knows that we are laughing at him. As one of the party-goers said, “It’s just so bad it’s good.” The behind-the-scenes footage on the DVD version does not do anything to dispel the mystery, as both Kelly and his co-stars all seem to be working very earnestly and taking everything very seriously. But in my view, R. Kelly was not so much the court jester as he was the master puppeteer.

Sadly, the last-available chapter, #22, is a cliffhan

Zo, weer een nieuwe streaming muziek engine. De Buma Stemra’s van deze wereld kunnen immers niet genoeg worden tegengewerkt. Die andere bekende online muziekdienst Deezer is ook stiekem al een tijdje best wel kut. Steeds meer alba (meervoud van album) zijn gewoonweg niet meer gratis luisterbaar via deze site. Deezer wordt immers door allerhande verderfelijke platenmaatschappijen kapotgeprocedeerd en daar bezwijk je vroeg of laat onder.

Maar welkom in de grote boze wereld die internet heet: als er een paddenstoeltje wordt vertrapt, schiet er ergens anders weer een nieuwe uit de grond (wat een ontroerende metafoor toch weer!). Wanneer gaan die platenboertjes nou eens stoppen met huilen? Accepteer eens dat procederen tegen internetsites vechten tegen de bierkaai is. Welterusten! En wáág het niet om hier te klikken.

Well, with 2009 approaching the ol’ finish line, you’ll start seeing lots of year-end wrap-up lists and things. And since it’s the end of the Double-0 Decade, you’ll be seeing lots of decade recap lists as well. (Some early spoilers: Pitchfork has crowned Radiohead’s Kid A the best album of the Double-0s, while the NME favors Is This It by the Strokes.)

But you won’t find that here, and not now. No, here you will find a year-end recap that dares to be somewhat different. This is the first-ever Listen Up! Year-End Awards ceremony – or you can just name them the Harleys after the adorable little trophy I’m giving out to the winners.

Let's see the Academy beat THIS one.

The fun begins after the jump!

All right, let’s get this show on the road! Bring on the first award!

Most Ridiculous Album Art of the Year

First, let’s have a look at the runner-ups…

Brooke Hogan, The Redemption

Um, wow. This looks like the kind of thing that some Dungeons & Dragons nerd might have airbrushed on the hood of his car back in 1987. I don’t even think people do that anymore. Also, that album title… don’t you have to screw up a successful singing career before you can make a comeback album called The Redemption? Quick, name the last time you heard a Brooke Hogan song. And VH1 doesn’t count.

Adam Lambert, For Your Entertainment

If Aladdin Sane went to the neighborhood mall, got some Glamour Shots photos taken, and then scanned the most ridiculous pose into his computer so he could Photoshop it poorly and add ugly ‘80s hair-metal logo fonts… well, the result still wouldn’t look as stupid as this album cover.

I must give this guy props for letting FYE sponsor his album title, though. If I ever get a record deal, I’m changing my name to Sam Goody and recording an album of techno-pop called Circuit City. The critics will call it a “best buy” even though it will basically sound like a cheesy ripoff of MGMT. Or Weezer’s “Can’t Stop Partying.” You decide.

Chris Brown, Graffiti

What’s the worst crime he commits with this thing? Carrying a guitar even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t play? Borrowing Adam Lambert’s cheesy-looking font? The pseudo-outer-space scene in the background? The robot hand holding a spray can? No… it’s those ridiculous cartoon characters in the corner that earn this one its WTF status.

And the Harley goes to…

Shwayze, Let It Beat

What the hell is going on here? It looks like they tried to spoof the famous shot of the Statue of Liberty at the end of Planet Of The Apes. Only here, the statue’s been decapitated and dismembered. And she’s wearing a bikini. And she has speakers where her boobs are supposed to be. And her iPod is plugged into her belly button. And she’s apparently visiting the set of Miami Vice.

Most Awesomely Ridiculous Album Art of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

Weezer, Raditude

Just look at it. I mean, what else could you expect for an album that got its title from the guy who plays Dwight on The Office and called Ellen Page “homeskillet” in Juno?

Funniest Song of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

Theory Of A Deadman, “Hate My Life”

I still can’t figure out what to make of this song. On one hand, these lyrics are hilarious: “I hate that I can’t tell/When a girl’s underage/You know, I tell her she’s a nice piece of ass,/Then her daddy punches me in the face.” On the other hand, the singer sounds so sincere that it’s like he really wanted people to relate to this.

If it’s meant to be funny, then it’s a clever parody of angst-ridden post-grunge radio rock – you know, like Theory Of A Deadman’s other songs. If it’s not meant to be funny… well, that just makes it funnier, doesn’t it? And the acoustic version of this song, believe it or not, is even funnier. Unintentionally funny things are always funnier than things that are supposed to be funny. That’s why The Number 23 is the funniest movie Jim Carrey’s made this entire decade. Even with some strong competition from Weird Al, there was no way this wasn’t going to Theory Of A Deadman.

Plus, is it just me, or does the lead singer kind of sound like the guy who sings the songs in Team America?

Biggest Pop Star of the Year That I’ve Still Never Heard Of

And the Harley goes to…

Justin Bieber

I don’t have a clue who this guy is. I don’t know where he came from, and I have no idea whether or not he’s connected to the Disney Channel (the most likely cause for such a meteoric rise to fame). All I know is that he’s suddenly everywhere, I am clueless as to why, and I don’t really care either.

Most Inexplicable Attempt At A Singing Career

And the Harley goes to…

Heidi Montag

Apparently this girl from The Hills has been trying to get a music career off the ground for a while now. So far it has been greeted with the same enthusiasm people reserve for trees falling in the forest that they aren’t around to hear. But bless her heart, she keeps on trucking.

And hey, if this singing thing doesn’t work out, she could always pose for Play… oh, wait. She did that already. Never mind.

Runner-Up: That woman from Real Housewives who sang “Tardy For The Party”

Most Shocking Musical Controversy of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

Britney Spears vs. Australia

What do you mean Britney Spears doesn’t sing live? I for one am absolutely appalled that she lip-syncs! We made Ashlee Simpson a freaking pariah for pulling the same stunt on Saturday Night Live; now people wouldn’t buy her albums if you gave them away for free! You mean to tell me people will actually pay their hard-earned money to watch a singer who pretends to sing?

“If you’re shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you.”

– John Mayer

For me, the controversy is not about Britney lip-syncing. Much like Mr. Mayer, I’m shocked that people are still shocked about this. Have the Aussies not been paying attention for the last ten years? Come on, Australia. Britney’s been lip-syncing since day one. I don’t even think that’s her real speaking voice. There’s probably someone sitting outside in an RV talking into a headset microphone or something.

Best Supergroup of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

Them Crooked Vultures

And in a stunning upset, Them Crooked Vultures takes home the Harley over… well, how many supergroups actually came out this year? There was Chickenfoot, Monsters Of Folk, and… uh…

I’m only half-kidding about this. Maybe I’m kind of biased since this band features Josh Homme (Kyuss, Queens Of The Stone Age) on guitar and vocals, Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, lots of other bands) on drums, and John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin) on bass. It’s kind of hard to go wrong with a lineup like that. If you like classic rock like Zeppelin or Cream, or if QOTSA’s Songs For The Deaf ranks among your favorite albums, or if you play an instrument, or if you like rock music in general, you’ll probably like this band.

Runner-Up: Monsters Of Folk

Most Baffling Music Video Trend of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

NSFW VIDEOS

I’ve never been a fan of censorship, really. That’s why if I ever come up with an idea for a TV show, I’d want it to be on HBO – because they let you do pretty much anything you want. Yet for some reason, this recent trend of NSFW music videos has taken me by surprise. Truly, Rule 34 of the Internet (“If it exists, there is porn of it – no exceptions”) continues to reign supreme.

Would you like to watch Rammstein porn (“Pussy”)? Do you think it would be funny to pretend another person’s penis is a microphone (Girls, “Lust For Life”)? Have you ever wanted to see Wayne Coyne naked (the Flaming Lips, “Watching The Planets”)? Well, guess what? All of these videos have been made just for you. But be warned – what has been seen… cannot be unseen.

Runner-Up: Everything Lady Gaga has ever worn. EVER.

Best Non-Existent Album of the Year

And the Harley goes to…

Radiohead, Wall Of Ice

It must have been interesting to be a member of Radiohead in the days leading up to August 17, 2009. Someone had recently leaked a new song called “These Are My Twisted Words” and the Internet was suddenly all abuzz about a mysterious new EP called Wall Of Ice. This despite the fact that nobody in the band had ever said anything about the leak, the new song, or anything they were planning for August 17. No blog posts on Dead Air Space, no news updates on At Ease Web, no interviews, no press releases, no nothing.

Yet all of a sudden everyone was convinced that Wall Of Ice was coming. After all, this was the band who released In Rainbows pretty much out of nowhere nearly two years earlier. Were they about to pull the same trick again?

Well, no. As it turns out, the Wall Of Ice EP existed only in Internet rumors. And the mysterious event set for August 17? The official release of “These Are My Twisted Words.” Somehow, without even doing anything at all, Radiohead had managed to pull off perhaps the biggest hoax since Orson Welles’ War Of The Worlds broadcast. But if “These Are My Twisted Words” is any indication, Wall Of Ice would have been pretty kickass. And Pitchfork would have given it at least an 8.5 out of 10.

One last Harley award to give out, and then we can all go home! Now, this one may be the last, but it’s certainly not the least. And anyone who’s paid attention to any award shows over the past few years will agree that this is a pretty big award.

The Kanye West Award, for excellence in the field of being Kanye West

And the Harley goes to…

Kanye West

Well, duh. At least now he won’t be throwing any fits backstage (or onstage) about how he should have won something.

it explains the annoying thing that auto-tune has become. i used to love it…fuck u auto-tune now! plus, weird al yankovic.

more crappy crap and fantastic cultural highlights on

I Hate My Cubicle

<< GO BACK