This is not a Notre Dame one!! They just happened to be involved…

Ahh yes, finally I’ve remembered something I can moan about today…and don’t worry it’s only 9:00am so there still is plenty of time to complain.  My wonderful downstairs neighbour is a drummer.  You might be asking yourself, “Oh how festive, like the little drummer boy?”  The answer is unequivocally no.  This person plays music only a disturbed chimpanzee could have made, accompanied by the sound of his drumming, a rather loud foot pedal, and some sort of electric bass.

I like to think of myself as somewhat tolerant of noise…for instance when we first moved in to our apartment and my neighbour decided to hold a folk music jam on a Sunday night – I let it go, and fell asleep to the soft sound of 5 harmonicas…

My question is this:  By being reasonable and understanding, does that let the drummers of the world walk all over you?

Since being tolerant of the noise, it seems to escalate, bit by bit, beat by beat.  My only hope at this point is that my neighbour has some sort of spaceship to beam up to on Christmas Eve, so that my family and I can enjoy our celebratory evening in peace.

Point being: theoretically drumming is nice, realistically, it sucks.

I have been unable to avoid the non-stop Christmas music that is being played all over the warehouse.  There are three radio placed so that music can be heard no matter where you go.  These radios are being tuned to one of the stations playing wall-to-wall Christmas music.

I am quickly getting sick of it.  At the moment, I am streaming Yahoo! classical Christmas music.  It’s a wonderful change from”Jingle Bell Rock”, “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” and the other “favorites”.  I love the carols and sacred music of Christmas.  They’re peaceful and inspiring.  I’ll take “Ave Maria” over “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” anytime. 

In our last episode, I began to compile a list of my favorite rock n roll Christmas songs.

Let’s continue, shall we?

6.   tie “(I Believe in) Father Christmas – Greg Lake; “Christmas Wrapping” – The Waitresses; “Christmas song” – Jethro Tull.   For three years in a row, I was the fortunate one to shut down the student radio station for the Christmas break.  Most of the staff had left campus after their last semester final, and no one wanted to hang around.  I don’t blame them.  But I was a board operator for Maine Public Radio and had to hang around.  These songs were among those I played in the last hour before sign off.  There is a redemptive quality about all three.  Something lost, then miraculous found with a greater sense of appreciation.  A boy loses faith in Father Christmas, thinking he doesn’t exist but is proven wrong.  A man and woman, destined to hook up,  but can’t due to extraordinary circustances.  A cynical narrator, seeing the graft and greed that is part of a modern Christmas, finds new hope when the true meaning of the day is brought back into his life.  Any one of these can be a lesson for us in these times.

7.  Run Run Rudolph – Dave Edmunds.  Yeah, I know it’s a Chuck Berry song, but this one really moves.  It’s a not too fast with a driving rhythm that reminds you this IS a Chuck Berry song.  It’s a fun, rock ‘n’ roll song.

8.  tie  “Happy Xmas (War Is Over) – John Lennon and Yoko Ono; “Someday At Christmas” – Stevie Wonder.   It’s Christmas — with a conscience.  Both songs remind us that we are all responsible for each other and our world.  They remind us of what could be if we really wanted it.  The songs are a reflection of what it means to be human and hope for something better.  Christmas is a time to reflect and there’s no better time to make changes.

9.  anything from The Motown Christmas Album” or “Merry Christmas From Phil Spector”.  Every rock station should be playing every song from both albums.  I love The Jackson Five version of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” and Smokey Robinson & the Miracles singing “Jingle Bells”.  Both songs have that classic Motown groove that help transform them from pop novelty to a righteous groove.   I could listen to Darlene Love sing “It’s Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) over and over.  Christmas tunes adapt well to The Wall of Sound, made famous by Specter.  All the artists:  The Ronettes, Darlene Love, Bobbi Soxx & the Blue Jeans give us memorable rock and roll.

10.  “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” – Barenaked Ladies with Sarah McLachlan.  It’s not really a rock song, just an accoustic version of the old carol.  I am not a huge BNL fan.  The majority of their material is fun and I enjoy that.  But I don’t believe these guys take ANYTHING seriously…except this song.  As for the lovely Sarah, she could sing the phonebook and I would find it compelling.  Beautiful woman, beautiful voice.

That’s enough for now.  I need to go.  My car died a quick death on the way to work at 5:20AM.  Dash lights started dimming and began losing power going up small hills.  Thank God for AAA. It’s at the garage for the moment, waiting for me to pick it up after work.  Now I have to shell out $150 bucks for a new belt and tension arm.  Let’s hope that’s it for repairs.  I hate my Jetta today.

Yes, I hate beaches everybody. My friend was telling me how she was going to a place called Avalon. Apparently it’s great (or something like that) because this place is famous for its beach.

Do the white waves remind you of semen?

I say I say, hardly interesting at all. I have always loathed beaches. Never found them fun at all. I hate walking on the sand. What analogy can I use to compare walking on the sand with? Oh, I know! When I’m drunk. The sand is just too much to deal with. It’s kind of like fighting off a zombie invasion. You know you’re not going to win, but you fight it anyway. Getting sand everywhere is not fun. In your hair, in between your toes, in your clothes, your socks, and getting sand “down there” is also a big no-no for me (sex on the beach is not cool).

I also don’t like the ocean. I definitely enjoy learning about ocean/sea life and I enjoy seafood, but the ocean itself is overrated. Once again, the white waves remind me of semen, and the waves just pushing me around is also no fun.

I’ve got to point out my arrogance/ignorance/stupidity in understanding why people flock to beaches. They’re so popular. I’d say people who live in the UK are so lucky. They should be happy that they have shitty beaches. That way, you completely get rid of phenomenon of beaches. As an Australian, I feel I am really in the minority here. A lot of my friends and just people I know in general say, “I could be on the beach right now” on summer days. It’s also a bit like how people say, “Want to go get coffee?” I’M NOT A FUCKING COFFE DRINKER. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

First of all let me say, has the world completely turned upside down?  Has 2012 arrived early??  I logged in to my Facebook page recently to learn the news that an old friend of mine is getting married.  It is terrible enough that I learned this through Facebook, but that isn’t my issue.

The issue is this: Why do people so wholeheartedly believe that “marriage” signifies commitment?

This friend recently told me that she wanted to get married to this man so she would know he was truly committed.  Last time I checked (Tiger Woods anyone?) men or women can cheat/be unfaithful/neglectful etc…whether married or not.  Can anyone actually believe that a paper certificate guarantees unfaltering commitment? Sure, a one night party that costs you $10,000 and a taffeta nightmare that will live in your closet forever sounds appealing…but at what cost?

Don’t get me wrong – I am in no way opposed to marriage.  I believe in love, commitment and unity.  I support marriage equality and the right to feel secure financially, emotionally, and legally.  But it sure annoys me when ditsy women trounce around their un-married/un-engaged friends and proclaim that their “marriage” excludes them from the reality of relationships.

Let’s face it, it doesn’t take a shotgun wedding to love, be loved, and committed.

Uh, oh…here comes another rant.  Don’t worry, this one is justified.

I love Christmas music, especially the sacred music that doesn’t get played to death.  Some people prefer Handel’s Messiah, others like the Bach Christmas Oratorio.  I prefer carols.  Especially the ones that have yuletide lore woven into the lyrics.  But I have a soft spot in my heart for Johnny Mathis, Nat “KIng” Cole and “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. 

Some of the best Christmas traditions come, not from the Christians, but the Pagans or Druids. You have to love the Pagans.  They are a randy bunch.  Some of the yule traditions from Britain, such as mistletoe and the yule log, often lose their meaning in the modern context.  But you also have to love those Christians.  Rather than alienate, they incorporated many of those Yuletide traditions in the Christmas season.  So, we get the Christmas tree from the Germans, and Saint Nick/Kris Kringle/Santa Claus/Father Christmas fromthe rest of Europe. 

A wonderful part of the seasson is the Winter Solstice.  Again, those nutty Pagans, tired of the darkness, longed for the warmth and light of the Sun.  So they head for the highest hills and light bonfires to help the Sun return. My friend, The Squire, has a great way to celebrate the winter solstice.  He has a bonfire on the beach. 

How very pagan of him.  It is a rocking affair that includes fireworks.

Okay, they’re sparklers, but it’s the same idea.  Anything to help bring back the sun is good.

I like the solstice because it adds a little something to the season.  Too bad it couldn’t be in late January, when there is NOTHING going on.  At least there are folks who leave their lights up through the winter.  Seeing those lights helps take the dull edge off winter.  Of course, the rednecks keep their lights up all year.  They’re always dull so they need something to make them look bright.

I digress….back to the theme.

I know I’m not the only person who thinks this way, but Christmas has gotten way out of control, and further away from the true meaning of the day. Now, especially, with the seasonal music.  I would like to take the person, who had the brilliant idea to allow radio stations to, not only play 24/7 Christmas music, but also to begin playing it two weeks BEFORE Thanksgiving, tie them up and subject them to their own tape loop of continuous Christmas music.  Whatever happened to the notion of leave ‘em wanting more?  I can’t stand wall-to-wall Chirstmas music because you can only do “White Christmas”, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” or “Do You Hear What I Hear” so many ways.

C’mon, folks.  It’s like Wally World, displaying Christmas decorations around Halloween.  Sometimes, it’s just too much.  If you HAVE to have Christmas music all day AND all night, if you can’t live without 15 different versions of each of the Christmas favorites, then here’s a suggestion.  Find yourself a CD player that holds 500 CDs, load it up with Christmas music, press “random”, then “play”,  and spin yourself into a Yuletide orgasmic stupor.

If you are under the age of 25, you’ve probably heard older adults remember “the good old days”, when it wasn’t about making the most money in the shortes amount of time.  The “good old days”, when Santa first appeared the weekend AFTER Thanksgiving at the local shopping center.  Not a mall, a shopping center.  He could be found  in a department store or a little cabin in the parking lot.  Some folks have different experiences, but he always showed up the first weekend AFTER Thanksgiving.

  Yes, I know he’s in the Macy’s parade, and that’s on Thanksgiving.  A minor detail.  He first touches down in New York City.  It’s where he starts his five week Christmas tour.   Duhhhh. 

In the “old days”, you never saw a Christmas decoration in public BEFORE Thanksgiving.  Not in stores, not on the streets, not in people’s homes.  You’d see the city workers in the bucket truck, hanging lights on a huge fir tree or hanging decorations off the light poles.  My family put our decorations out when we got our Christmas tree.  We always got our tree two weeks BEFORE Christmas, and it came down a couple days after New Year’s.

In the “old days”, Santa was on TV.  I grew up in Bangor, and Santa had a daily half-hour locally-produced TV program.  The program was on just before the news at 6 PM, and it featured local choral groups, Letters to Santa, and a visit to the North Pole.  He could see us on the other side of the screen.  It was magic, I swear to God.  He would also read off the first names of the good boys and girls.  Everyone waited for this part because it was at the end of the show. If he said your name, you were a celebrity at school the next day.

Here’s a message to the Powers That Be who make these decisions regarding Christmas:  let us have our holiday back.  If they won’t give it up, then we need to take it back.

I’d like to see real spruce and fir trees, from local tree farms, with lights homemade decorations.  I’d like us to buy gifts from local merchants, not big box stores.  I’d like folks to sing “Happy Birthday” on Christmas morning.  It is a birthday celebration, after all.

In these times we are all trying to figure out how to make our dollars stretch.  We are also bombarded with TV and print ads, declaring what we SHOULD choose for our loved ones.

They never met my loved ones.  How do they know what they want?

Make  your own decorations.  Light a candle.  Celebrate Advent, it that’s your thing. 

Take back the season. Let’s get Christmas back to the heart and out of the mall.   Make it about love and joy.

For the next few blogs I will be writing about aspects of my life that I am not enjoying. The first subject is work, so here goes. First, a little background.

I currently work for a government department in IT. I left my previous job at the Dept. of Justice where I worked on the Server Infrastructure Management team in November last year, and I have enjoyed working here even though it was a backwards step for me career wise. It was a logical move for me, as I had already moved back to Ballarat after living and working in Melbourne for a year, and was commuting down daily.

The structure when I started was that we only supported the the Rural side of the organisation. We have recently taken on the Metro side of IT as well, which means more work. This isn’t an issue, I don’t mind it being busy. My issue comes from our work being dumbed down.

You see, the reason why I enjoyed this job was because I worked with a team that wasn’t made up of complete idiots. They all had brains, some more switched on than others, but I could relate to each and every member of my team. This hasn’t changed but other aspects have. I enjoyed the fact that it wasn’t purely a First Level IT Service Desk job, we had options to do other work, such as pager jobs, Toughbook tablet work, account creations… You understand what I’m saying, it wasn’t all on-the-phone monotonous work.

Nowadays it IS all on the phones monotonous work. The different aspects of the job that I enjoyed so much have been replaced with a very call-center-esque room with 6 cubicles in it. Work spent a lot of money making the desks look nice, but neglected to upgrade our computers which to me is ridiculous. I mean, hey, it looks ok… But still, I think the money would be better spent redoing our computers and such.

We seemingly have no voice, no say in what goes on. We are the ones that have to work a new roster, and yet our wellbeing hasn’t been taken into account. Changes aren’t up for discussion, no matter how good our points are. Our workplace has turned from a flourishing democracy to a hitler-styled regime. I’m surprised there isn’t razorwire around the Service Desk and armed guards with Dobermans making sure we don’t go over our allotted break times.

The other issue is any sense of humour seems to be frowned upon. I, myself, received an ‘unofficial’ warning for sending a humorous email. See, we have lost two people in the past fortnight and I simply took a survivor pic  and replaced it with Service Desk. To me, that’s funny. Apparently to management, it has a ‘hidden meaning’ and it had a list of violations as long as my arm. Ridiculous. The way we get through each day is by laughing at our misfortunes, some friendly ribbing with co-workers and most of all by ridiculing work and each other. Now the workplace is a much more solemn place to be, and I’m not enjoying it. Not one bit.

In any case, with all this happening it seems like the only way we will get through it is the same way we have since I started. We all need to band together and work as a team to make coming to work bearable. Unfortunately not everyone has this attitude, and I’m getting very tired of being one of the few people that is positive about it. It’s getting to the point where it is affecting my home-life.

I’m hoping things improve soon, because if they don’t I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t want to go back to commuting. They were such long days with the commute.

One morning I was riding my motorbike (yes, I ride a motorbike now) and I lost my balance, and bam, the motorbike fell really hard on its side on the ground and I noticed there was this oil leak coming from under the motorbike. Shit I thought. Not to mention the left mirror was totally obliterated and the gearbox slightly dented. All this is costing me $3,500 in order to repair it. I unfortunately don’t have insurance to cover that kind of damage, but  I have more than enough in my trustfund. While I am grateful that I’m not pulling my hair out over getting this kind of money, I am really depressed over the fact that I am losing this much money. It’s just insane. With this kind of money, I could’ve bought a brand new drumkit. Or this money could have gone towards buying a new motorbike once I get my full motorbike license.

Not to mention, my work has apparently now changed the amount of times we’re supposed to tell the supervising manager when we can work. It was once every two weeks but now it’s apparently once every week. I asked my sister, who also works there, when this was put into effect and she tells me it’s been going on for a few months now. Which I think is complete bullshit (the reason why I think this is because it’s my sister; I might have to dedicate a whole post on its own about my sister. It’s complicated). I remember filling my availabilities once every two weeks and noticing that I would get work every week. I only found out about “once every week” when I got the roster this week and found that I was not working at all. So on top of this dire financial situation I’m in, now I’m not working this week, which I actually really need to do in order to get some moolah!

It’s stupid (and kind of funny) how there’s so much money in the world. There is a lot of it, and yet at the same time I can’t access it. Just fucking silly.

Also, everyone watch Waltz With Bashir. Awesome film.

Okay, so my associate gave me a whole lecture about how I have been an irresponsible co-blogger by not posting anything yet. So as I was contemplating a topic to resume my blogging activity, I was reminded of this thing I used to like doing in school, where I rant on petty things that annoy me and seemed nonsensical to me. Things that just used to ‘grind my gears‘. That being the brief yet, mediocre introduction, let me introduce ato you, this section of the blog, which will appear in random and not in any co-ordinated sequence, namely, “What Grinds My Gears”.

So let me start by asking you, you know ‘What Grinds my Gears?’

Money……

Thats what grinds my gears.

Okay, so money is important, but I don’t hate it the way you think.

A fact that is well established right now is that I love sports. And therefore, the fact that money drives sports, really pisses me off. Yes, sports would be dead without sponsors, but it’s ridiculous the extent it has come to.

Lets take an example, an easy one. If u want to start a football club in, lets say, the UK, you need to get sponsors, and lets not forget put your own livelihood at risk, and then find the land to build the home grounds and then find players (and keep them happy) and then in like 20 years, you will have something like a football club. But it’s not just football (more of that later).

That’s where Sri Lanka is different. If you want to start a football club there is a lot gain, in all methods than financially. Lets say, for the lack of a better name a so-called Gunadasa wanted to start a football club today. He’ll call his best friend, again for the lack of a better name, named Siripala who works in a local tea shop to find out if he has any high contacts. Siripala will flip through his phone book and find a ‘wannabe’ politician’s telephone number and would tell him of Gunadasa’s idea. The wannabe politician will see this as a oppurtunity to become something a little higher than a wannabe politician and would call an actual politician and ask him to join him in a booze session. Then one thing will lead to another, and Gunadasa will get some of the tax money that we pay (okay maybe not me), and the next day, he’d use that money and create his football club. And by Friday, his club will lead the standings. And don’t forget the wannabe politician. He’ll become the president of the country in about five years. He’ll use his excellent business skills to improve trade relations with other countries. We will address that issue in later postings.

The issue here, is that many clubs or teams, regardless of what sports have become franchises. They have merchandise outlets, and internet retailling. They, at times, even float (if you don’t know what it means, get back to me). They enter the stock exchange and become big businesses. Their owners become rich and buy other clubs (For example, Malcolm Glazer who is the owner of Manchester United, is also the owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) . This is a idea that good ol’ Gunadasa forgot. But, we must give him props for not letting finance or money become an issue in his club.

So basically, my point is there are so many clubs that fold up because of mismanagement and financial error. Thats something that Gunadasa has not got to worry about. But the fact, that money is a key in sports, is what defines modern day sports. Fifty years back, money wasn’t even a major factor when starting a club……. Now the first thing you should think about when starting a football club is finances.

Like I said, it’s not only football. Another sport that can be catergorized under ‘money burners’ is basketball. I mean the amount you have to spent to build the courts and then maintanence, it definitely costs a packet. Thats the excuse that companies use to commercialize sport. Same with golf, or baseball, (the Yankees just won the World Series, on a $2oo million pay roll), or American Football for that matter.

Don’t get me wrong. Money isn’t bad. It’s just that when it comes to sports, I think there should be a limit to need of financial exposure.

Maybe they should be more like Sri Lankan clubs… Have you ever heard of a Sri Lankan club get bankrupt?

Thought so…

So, there……. Thats what ‘Grinds my Gears’.

Boot It Up – Alex Kidd & Dark by Design

Wheels – Foo Fighters

Well hello hello

See see I am trying to update as much as I can. I’m so busy with assignments now la sigh, and my sleeping pattern damn off already. Supposed to start filming yesterday but NOOOOOO hahha my group mates and I decided we should watch YouTube videos instead.

So productive lah.

-_-”

By the way, you know what grinds my gears?

Like imagine, you’re just walking down the street happily and then suddenly out of no where your crotch gets really itchy. Like reaaaaalllyyyyyy itchy. (Don’t give me that look macam this has never happened to you ok? Because I know it happens to every one!!) Damn WTF right? I mean, what am I supposed to do? Like scratch it in front of everyone? How the hell do I even do that discreetly? By the time I find a place to hide, the itch goes away and its so annoying cause it would have felt so good if you scratched it. HAHAHHAH. Sigh. Some one needs to figure a technique we can use when this happens.

Oh god, I know I’m disgusting but this is real life ok.

Heehee.

Oh I forgot to talk about my Beyonce concert leh, which happened a month ago. WAHLAU, her concert super gempak ok. Her costumes was fucking gorgeous. She was gorgeous too and so so so humble. SO HUMBLE. When she sang Single Ladies (my favourite song currently), I WENT BALLISTIC LA. Jumping up and down macam sakai. HAHAH sakai, hahahhaa omg hahaha haven’t used that word in so long.

I will post up videos on Facebook soon yarrr. Flo-Rida opened for her by the way, so cool

“In the ayer, ay, ayer, ayer, ay, ayerrrrrrrrrrrrrr…”

I should post up some pictures. So you can see if I am fat or not. People keep saying that I lost weight, cept for my mum. Every time we skype she goes like “AH GIRL, YOU PUT ON WEIGHT AH? WHY YOUR FACE SO ROUND ONE?”. Sadness.

Piccies time wheeeeeee :8

Me and Ah Ren Ren when the internet died on us. Sigh. Phail.

Anyways, I malas already hahahaha cb I know right post up two pictures and you can’t even tell if I’m fat or not. Actually I don’ care la, fat then fat right not the end of the world. Dude, food is fucking awesome man how can you not love food.

Speaking of food, damn it I’m craving ikan bakar now zomgg the juice so goooood. Sooooo gooooodd!

You know what reaaaallllyyyy grinds my gears?

Twitter. I’m sorry friends, I know some of you have Twitter but really, I don’t see a point in having an account. I see people getting addicted to it and it is so sad. You guys don’t have to agree with me on this but don’t go writing hate comments on my blog ok and get all defensive and sensi bout this matter, this is merely my own point of view. But really lor, Twitter is so redundant, I have better things to do than Tweet? Twitt? Whatever jibberish names you call it la.

Okay, gtg class. HUNGRY LEH.

*Today’s post is brought to you by NINJAS! Have you ever heard a Ninja go YEEE-HAHH??!!*

*Next post, what have Krystal watched recently*

XOXOXO

By Jesse Jones

Ravens’ offensive play calling against the Bengals…

Here is a very short list of things that I do that some find irritating, and others just find to be weird:

1. I brush my teeth in the shower. It’s just easier to do everything all at once in the same place when I’m getting ready for my day.

2. If my soy(milk) isn’t ice cold, I will pour it into a glass, and stir about 3 cubes of ice in until it reaches the desired temperature. then, I’ll throw the ice out, and put the milk into my cereal. If it’s not ice cold, I won’t eat it. In fact, I used to get so livid with my brother for leaving the milk on the counter while he ate his cereal, as opposed to putting it directly back into the refrigerator. Even if it only sat for 5 minutes, I would be pissed!

3. If I go to see a movie that starts after 10:00, I will surely fall asleep. it never fails. I’m just not a late night movie-watcher.

4. If I’m under the weather, I’m less than pleasant. In fact, I’m pretty nasty (not in a good way).

5. Like most women, I am over-analytical about most things, particularly those pertaining to the opposite sex.

6. I think about what I say after I say it. I have a pretty venomous tongue, and I come quick with it.

7. I absolutely HATE chocolate.

8. I’m obsessed with Carmex. It’s my life.

9. I always fall asleep on the phone. Doesn’t matter who I’m talking to, how serious the conversation is, or what it’s about. If I’m sleepy, I’m going to sleep. Period. 

10. When I’m nervous, I clear my throat a whole lot.

11. I would much rather lay still and let the man do all the work than get on top. In a perfect world, I would never be on top. Never. However, I understand that in order to be a productive participant in the experience, I must (sometimes) switch it up, and be good at it.

12. Apparently I have an annoying speaking voice. Others would argue differently. I think I do sound pretty weird on the phone though.

13. I’m a little needy. I don’t have any family within 3,000 miles and very few friends. So, I do tend to lean on some a little more than others. Sue me.

Why do these things bother others so much? I have no idea. They all seem to be pretty normal to me, but I’m sure the list goes on…….

I'm deathly ill! Can't you tell by the distressed look on my face and by the tissue that I mustered up the strength to hold?

For the life of me, I can’t understand why (some) men become so completely helpless when they’re under the weather. I’ve seen it over and over again. In their minds, something as simple as the common cold is the equivalent of being hit by a Mack truck. A recent conversation with a feverish friend:

Me: What’s wrong?

FF: I’m sick! I feel like shit!

Me: Yeah, I picked up on that when you called and texted me to tell me you feel like shit. What’s the matter?

FF: Dude, I’m dying! This is it! I’m knocking on the great door, I just hope God answers.

Me: Ok………what do you need?

FF: (whining) I don’t knooooowwww………

Me: Well, what’s wrong?

FF: I just feel like shit. Everything hurts. Feel my neck, I think  I have a fever!

Me: Yeah, you’re a little warm. Have you taken anything?

FF: No, what do I need?

Me: Well what else is wrong?

FF: EVERYTHING!!!

Me: Is your tummy upset? Are you vomiting? Are you aching? Headache? Have you eaten today?……..

FF: Yeah.

Me: (!) Yeah, what?

FF: I feel like I’m gonna throw up and my whole body hurts and it hurts to close my eyes because my eyelids are so hot and I almost fell out of my chair because I was too weak to stand up. I know I have a fever.

[Later, at the store (see What Grinds My Gears: Men at the Grocery Store)])

Me: You need some juice. If you don’t think you can hold anything down, you should get something light like soup, applesauce, crackers, something like that.

FF: I want oranges.

Me: ……………………….

FF: I’ll eat them, I promise. Can you hold my hand?

Me: No, I’m not going to hold your hand.

FF: Please?! It will make me feel better. Come on…(extends hand)

Me: I’m not holding your fucking hand, what else do you need?

FF: I’m sorry, I know I’m being difficult, please don’t be mad at me, I just really don’t feel good!!!

Me: Do you want me to grab the stuff so you can wait in the car?

FF: No, no, no. I’ll be ok. I can do it, but I feel like my legs are about to give out…….(Rocks back and forth as if he’s losing his balance)

Me: *SIGH!!!!!*

How convenient, another heart attack.

Even if we take pregnancy and childbirth out of the equation, if men had to deal with a fraction of the suffering that women have to go through, they’d never make it. Maybe I’d have more sympathy for guys who don’t feel so hot if they didn’t expect us to operate at our best, if not better when we’re ill. I was expected to help this very same Feverish Friend pack, clean, and move into his new apartment when I had the flu. And you know what? I did it! Without complaining, whining, or requiring attention. Do we get the same care and concern that they expect of us? No way, Jose. And somehow, we’re still able to function as productive superheroes. But alas, that’s just the way of the world, and I don’t see it changing in this lifetime. Or the next.

You know what really grinds my gears? Men at the grocery store. There is nothing more painful than going along with a man to the grocery store. Correction, there is nothing more painful than going along with a man without a list to the grocery store. They don’t know where anything is! The worst part is that the most basic decisions become as involved as deciding how to explain to your 4-year old that you weren’t “hurting” mommy that night she came in to tell you about her nightmare. Tuna in water, or in oil? Creamy JIF or creamy Skippy? 12-pack of double rolls or 24-pack of single rolls?

(Sidebar: The TP debate is a rarity, because we all now that men only buy the 4-pack of TP which was positively created just for them, because no woman will ever buy a 4-pack of TP.)

Oh, and ladies, please do not attempt to make even the slightest suggestion, because you will surely be burned at the stake. You buy the same kind of bread, the same kind of milk, and the same kind of oranges every time you go to the store. WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT?! What could you possibly be debating in your head? And why don’t you have a list?! Now we have to go from the dairy case for butter, skip 4 aisles to the cereal, over 3 more for the frozen waffles, back by the cereal because you forgot syrup, to the meat case for bacon, and then BACK to the dairy case for cheese. Did you really just spend an hour and a half in the grocery store, and come out with $23 worth of shit?! Somebody please feel me on this!

How will I ever decide which pineapple to buy?! There are so many extremely different options!!!

I really do not understand this at all….

Kevin Youkilis…SMH (Shaking my head).

I mean really…I just don’t get it!

From this thread about homosexuality:

“Personally I would bring laws against that(it is personal opinion),but we don’t have to do that cause we already have that,by the laws in many countries for example you can’t have gay marriages,gay people can’t adopt children etc…and showing that kind of affection in public would produce crime against public order,just like consuming drugs in public like it or not it is a crime!I think it is more than enough for them to do whatever they do and feel free in their bedrooms(personally opinion again)!I don’t want to insult nobody,but for those who aren’t gays but supporting them to go in public,I have a simple question-for example your son/daughter one day bring you to home other guy/women to introduce it like his sexual partner?your reaction?I am a religious man but honestly that have nothing to do with me not supporting gays,once more personally I think it is against people nature!You may say they must have their freedom and rights like a humans,ok I agree,but freedom of one person stops there where freedom of another person starts-that means,they can do whatever they want in their bedrooms but the majority don’t want to see that in public!”

Wow, thanks for comparing us to drug taking, something that is potentially life-threatening. Nevermind the million other insults in there too. Douchebag.