Peter Paul Rubens, "Saturn Devouring His Son," 1636

Today, Dec. 23rd, marks the last day of Saturnalia, the anarchical weeklong Roman feast held in the honor of the divine patriarch Saturn, counterpart to the Greek god Cronus. According to Hesiod, Cronus overthrew and castrated his father the sky-king Uranus with a scythe, and cast him into the Grecian hell-dimension Tatarus. To safeguard his own rule, Cronus devored each of his children as they were born by his wife-sister, Rhea. (See above.)  (Below the fold is another painting of the scene of Saturn/Cronus devouring one of his divine children. I didn’t put it above the fold becavse a.) it’s rather more famous than the above piece, and in my artistic postings I hope to proliferate works my readers probably haven’t seen, b.) it’s rather more gory, and c.) Reuben’s painting better emphasizes the fact that the Romans worshiped a baby-eating hell-god.)

No, no, it's "baby-eating hell-god," not "brain-eating hell-god."

Eventually, Rhea managed to sneak away her youngest child, Zeus, and replaced him with a rock in swaddling clothes to be devoured by Cronus. After reaching adulthood, Zeus returned to Olympus, cut open his father thus freeing his five immortal siblings, who together overpowered Cronus and cast him into Tatarus.

The Italians, however, took a rather more sympathetic view of Cronus-Saturn. In his capacity as the god of time, he was also the genius of seasons, and therefore of harvests. So Saturn’s holiday, originally introduced as a national morale-booster after a military defeat ca. 217 BCE, became the official Roman celebration of the winter solstice, and unofficial week of revelry. Great feasts were held, gifts and exchanged, and all manner of jests performed. Slaves were “freed” for the week, and often play-acted with role-reversal with their masters to hilarity. Saturnalia was so popular with the Roman populace that the poet Catullus described it as “the best of days.” Efforts to shorten the weeklong celebration on two occassions by the emperors Augustus and Gaius Germanicus (“Caligula”) were met with riots. 

Fransico Goya, "Saturn Devouring His Son," 1819-1823

Dollhouse has been an interesting experience. Originally it was cause for great excitement. Joss Whedon, the master behind such hallmarks as Buffy, Angel and Firefly had a new show coming, with many of the Whedonverse regulars! Unfortunately, the delivered show didn’t live up to the hype at all. It was in fact, a great letdown.

It may have made sense to wait a while as many shows had poor first seasons until they got settled, however Dollhouse has shown no signs of improving. It’s second season is quite a bit better than the first, but ultimately it is still just as bland and empty as the first. I also wonder how far that excuse can apply to Whedon’s shows, with Angel, Firefly having excellent first seasons, and Buffy being decent enough. It actually took me a while to get into Firefly being such a radical departure from the Buffyverse, but once I did the characters, stories dialog was top notch.

So, what is the problem with Dollhouse as a show? Well, where to start? It has none of the smooth wit or dialog Whedon is famous for. When characters speak it is always very brief and efficient, as though they are in a hurry. It is understandable that the dolls lack a personality, but why do the normal people? Is it all part of a larger plot plan to show that everyone is a doll?

It has (so far) none of the clever examination of moral and world issues so prevalent in his other works. The setup for the shows is a rich opportunity to examine what it means to be an individual and the importance of identity, corporations growing out of control, questions of the soul etc…, None of these are examined. It is sometimes hinted at, and Echo’s development is perhaps hinting towards such a plot, but so far nothing. The entire first season entirely squandered this opportunity, and the second season has so far only been dropping hints. In effect, 2 seasons over 2 years have failed to have any meaningful examination. No wonder it was canceled.

Then, there are the main characters. Many problem have an issue with Eliza’s acting. Personally, I think she plays a blank doll fine, and while her acting in her various guises is far from great, it is passable. It certainly would not be enough to bring the whole show down. What about the other characters? Again, the acting is nothing special, which isn’t a problem. Enver Gjokaj is one of the better actors on the show. His portrayal in the last episode (2×05) of Topher was perfect, with it being a perfect impression.The problem, is with the characters. They are bland and uninteresting, and morally suspect without any kind of reasoning or explanation given.

In all of Joss Whedon’s other TV shows, there is a common theme for people fighting for something. We had Buffy fighting against the forces of hell to save the world, Angel fighting for his humanity, and the crew of the Firefly fighting against a totalitarian government. This theme is absent in Dollhouse. Instead, we have a large apparently very evil corporation screwing around with peoples lives and personalities for profit. Indeed, it seems to be implied through that Rossum wins regardless, which invokes a feeling of ‘why even bother?’. The only character who was fighting against them was bland and uninteresting, and ended up working for them.

In the first season, we had Agent Ballard explaining why the Dollhouse was evil in every episode, while displaying a disturbing obsession with Echo that was never quite explained. For reasons that don’t quite make sense and appear to be forgotten, he now works for the Dollhouse, suddenly being convinced he is doing the right thing. With Senator Perrin revealed to be a doll, there is no one actually fighting the Dollhouse.

Boyd is obviously a moral character and has a lot of concern for the people in the Dollhouse despite obvious moral qualms about his work. An apparently meaningful relationship with echo in season 1 was abandoned in season 2. Why show these characters and their moral concerns if you are not going to expand on them. All we see is these people voluntarily working for an evil corporation without offering any justification. This makes it hard to sympathize with or like these characters, when we instinctively feel we should be rooting for them to be taken down.

One of the more annoying things about the show is the fact that everyone is turning out to be a doll. Dr. Saunders turned out to be a doll, which was interesting given that she was a member of staff. Then Lubov turned out to be a doll, which seemed like an interesting twist. Then Mellie was revealed to be a doll, which is exactly when it stopped being clever. After the last episode revealing that the Senator was a doll, it became an annoying plot device that makes it hard to be invested in the story. I won’t be surprised if any more major characters turn out to be dolls.

Another point that I found annoying, although it applies to a lesser extent to all of Joss’ shows, is a negative male portrayal. The males on Joss’s shows always seem to embody negative sterotypes to directly contrast the strong female characters, instead of just having ‘normal’ male characters. Topher seems particular annoying because he appears to be a clichéd lonely brilliant nerd. Much like Andrew. We then had Ballard with an unexplained obsession, one of the handlers being a rapist, the Dollhouse directors being willing to sell Sierra into sexual servitude for profit and Dominic trying to murder Echo. The only decent character seem to be Boyd who is still quite questionable. By contrast the females are all strong and independent, and work hard to do the morally right thing such as DeWitt restoring Serra so she would not have to be a slave, and Caroline being an activist before she was a doll.

One last small thing that has been bugging me with the show, and with other movies or shows with similar concepts such as Avatar, is why a persons consciousness must be transferred. Surely however that technology would work by reading the brain, it would make a copy? What would necessitate that the original be erased? It’s a minor point, but it seems that it is avoided for the sole purpose of the problems such a plot point would cause. If it is obvious to me, then it is probably obvious to others, so why not explain it away in the show?

Some people might say that Dollhouse was canceled just as it was getting good, and I am not sure that is true. The show has certainly improved, however I don’t think it has improved to a point that warrants renewal. The characters are still bland, there has not been any strong overall story or development, the stand alone episodes are weak….the audience has nothing to connect with. The show may have had potential, but they had two years to figure things out and correct their mistake. If they didn’t learn by now, then it is a fairly safe bet they may never have.

It was an interesting ride though. I wonder if the series will continue on in comic form ala Joss’ other works. I can understand many people watching the show being fan’s of Joss and wanting to see where the show went. What I don’t get is the blind loyalty some of these whedonites seemed to display, aggressively defending what is basically a bad show. Even if the show were good overall, when they defend obviously bad writing or dialog, it seems to be nothing more than fanaticism born out of some sort of twisted loyalty.

Something that this Penny Arcade strip captured perfectly:

While Dollhouse was ultimately disappointing, I look forward to Joss’ next project, and hope that he may return to his original winning formula.

Update
It seems I spoke too soon. I wrote this post before watching episodes 2×07 and 2×08, which seemed to contradict many of my problems with the show. The later episodes have definitely been interesting, although the story would have worked much better as a season/show arc rather than a conclusion to the canceled series. I have to say I was quite disappointed with the attic being a matrix ripoff and Victor and Sierra having a love that transcends self. Still, it is entertaining enough and I wonder how the show will end in January.

Tonight begins the final run of Dollhouse, kicking off with back-to-back episodes, and continuing the double-shots for the following two weeks. The much-expected cancellation was widely reported a few weeks ago when the word came down from Fox. Of course, there was outrage from the many loyal fans, much gratitude from the start of the show, and a few sighs and a couple of ‘yup..saw that coming’ from inside the Whedon inner circle.

While I am sad to see the show go, the upside to all of this is that I think it is safe to say that the best of Dollhouse is still to come in the remaining nine episodes. Much has been said about the networks and how they always interfere with Whedon and his work: never understanding his true vision; never allowing him true artistic freedom. While this is true (to varying degrees), the flip-side is also true: Joss Whedon is at his best when he has complete freedom. And I think that is what he has for this last run of Dollhouse: freedom. The show is already cancelled. What is the network going to do? Cancel them some more?

Whedon has always done his best work when not under the thumb of any network or studio. A few examples:

• Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog – Made end-to-end, from pre-production all the way to distribution, without any studio involvement whatsoever. Arguable Whedon’s single best work.
• Dollhouse – Epitaph One – Due to a convoluted contract, the thirteenth episode of season one was ‘extra’. So, Whedon went for broke, and told the story he wanted to wrap things up in case season2 never happened, even though many viewers would never get to see it. The result: brilliance
• Dollhouse pilot – The unaired pilot to Dollhouse (available on the DVD/Blu-Ray set) is superior to the one that was eventually aired on Fox. Whedon admitted that he was not happy with the original pilot, and was happy rework it at the request of the network, but that at the beginning of Season One, when everyone was stil being nice, so…I’m not sure how accurate that may be.
• Firefly pilot – Whedon and Tim Minear wrote ‘The Train Job’ in one weekend as a replacement for the two-hour ‘Serenity’. While still a great episode, it pales in comparison as a pilot.

In an interview with Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Tribune, Whedon says:

There are a lot of stories to tie up and a lot of things to pay off and we want to make sure we go out with a bang and so right now we’re working on the bang. So I’m just focused on making it all as intense as possible.

These last nine episodes of Dollhouse, especially those that have been written and produced since the death knell sounded, will be free from the fetters of network involvement. There is a story to be told, and ratings be damned. It will be Whedon at his best, and it will be something to see.

The zombie show (irrevocably canceled but still walking) will return tomorrow on Fox at 9p.m. Clips from the two episodes to be aired are available here. My spoilery speculations on the same are below the fold.

Clip One:

So…how did Rossum have enough foresight into Sen. Perrin to A.) foresee that he would launch an investigation against them, and B.) design him a perfect doll significant other? Or are we being mislead into believing Cindy is a doll for some dramatic third-act reveal?

Clip Two:

Talking about Echo/Caroline’s “emptiness,” I’m given to understand Bennett (Summer Glau) hasn’t reprogrammed Echo with Caroline, the persona with whom Bennett’s feud is with. Besides being unspeakably cruel, this seems sort of pointless, from a revenge standpoint.

Clip Three:

i.) Is Perrin a Manchurian candidate now? Probably. I look forward to watching it manifest in horrifying ways.

ii.) Did Bennett upload herself into Echo? It looks like it; it looks like Echo has Bennett’s memories of whatever accident she was in, not those of the bystander Caroline. She also seems surprised by the functionality of her left arm.

iii.) Or maybe in letting Perrin and Echo/Caroline escape,  is Bennett setting them up for a trap? Herding them into the line-of-fire of overzealous Dollhouse security? Or is she collaborating with Alpha–a confirmed character for at least one of the two episodes?

iv.) What the hell, Bennett? Does she feel guilty about the torture and leading Echo and Perrin into a trap? Or is there a weirder reading to “Goodbye, Caroline?” Maybe. It’s possible Bennett herself is a composite event, and she uploaded Caroline into herself so she could murder her…by committing suicide. It doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense; but not many reasons for putting one’s head through a television do.  

Creepy shit, all around.

“Belonging,” the episode of Dollhouse originally  aired  October 23, 2009, in the US, both gratified and disappointed me as a Dollhouse viewer (and someone who loves and appreciates Joss Whedon).  It was fantastic to have my faith in Whedon justified and to finally get what I expected of the series from the very beginning: an episode that was not only dynamically well-written and incredibly entertaining, but full of dark layers and surprises and the reminder that nothing in the Whedonverse is ever truly what it seems.

And therein lies the rub: I had to wait 16 episodes* to see it.

From the beginning, I have been pretty consistently disappointed in the series.  It was almost never what I have come to expect from a Whedon project.  Sure, there were moments of brightness – the Espenson/Tancharoen/Jed Whedon-penned 10th episode, Espenson’s “Briar Rose” (#11), and this season’s premier episode, penned by Joss.  All were solidly written and furthered the story excellently.  And I know every episode can’t be full of OMG moments, or those revelations will lose impact.  But I was hungry for depth and wit, and most weeks, my plate came up pretty empty…or containing very tiny servings of nouveau cuisine.  Most episodes had moments of brilliance, but their sum totals were pretty meh.  Frankly, I only kept watching because I have faith in Joss and because for at least the first half of Season 1, the greasy little handprints of FOX executives were all over every single episode, so I figured if they ever left the show alone, Joss would be free to do what Joss does, and my faith would be rewarded.

So far, Season 2 has led me to feel that belief might be justified.   Joss’ first episode of the season, “Vows,” set the stage for a promising second act, and I have since been fairly content with every episode.  It still wasn’t where I hoped it would be, but it was solidly moving in that direction…so it figures that immediately following the best episode of the series, FOX suspended the show for a month while promising the suspension did not herald cancellation – and then 2 weeks later, announced the network will air 2 episodes a week for the month of December and then cancel the series (despite copious comments to the contrary).  I wish I could say I’m shocked and dismayed, but frankly, I’ve been waiting for the announcement since before the show even aired.  FOX really seems to have it in for Whedon, and 25 episodes is about 23 more than I thought we’d get.  So there’s really no surprise here, at all.

It just sucks that FOX waited until it finally hit its stride to pull the plug.

* I have not seen either of the unaired episodes.

I originally wrote this on October 26, before FOX announced the cancellation of Dollhouse.  I just hate to chunk a piece of writing, so I changed the final paragraph to reflect the cancellation.

Last week we started a new regular feature inspired by the Twitter meme Webseries Wednesday, by posting about the webcomic Unshelved.

This week, we want to share an award-winning live-action webseries, The Guild. Begun in 2007 as an independent sitcom web series about a group of socially awkward (to put it mildly) online gamers, it was financed entirely by fan support. The series stars and is driven by Felicia Day, who played Penny in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, the wildly successful Whedon project of Summer 2008 (she’s on Twitter too). After 2 successful seasons, popularity spread by word of mouth and Dr. Horrible, and the series earned sponsorship by Sprint, and distribution by Microsoft and XBox Live.

Sponsorship has been great for The Guild, in that they have had wider distribution, not to mention the bigger budget. A small downfall of the distribution agreement is that the newest episodes are available first at MSN and XBox Live, and not on the Guild website, where I usually find them.

The Season 3 finale was released just this week, and is available on MSN and XBox Live – but of course, you really should start at the beginning. On the main page, look for the drop-down window that says “Season 3″ and select “Season 1.” Click on the first episode and enjoy!

With episodes ranging from 3 to 8 minutes in length, and always ending on a cliff-hanger, I’m confident you’ll be telling yourself, “OK, just one more.”

“Welcome to the Hellmouth”

There have been numerous articles in the last few years declaring that geeks are now cool. Shows like Big Bang Theory and Glee are held up as proof of this trend. It’s not the Marcia Bradys or the Mike Seavers we want to root for anymore. We love outcasts and braniacs. ComicCon isn’t just for Trekkers anymore. When did the tide turn? My first answer would be with Veronica Mars. But thinking back, there was Freaks and Geeks—short-lived as it was. But, wait. Even before that, there was Buffy. She may have been the original cool social reject; it helped that she was hot.

So imagine it’s 1997. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a campy film starring Kristy Swanson that you may remember from earlier in the decade. Joss Whedon is not a name you hear regularly, if at all (did you know he was a writer on Toy Story?), and you’ve certainly never heard of a Whedonverse.

The stage, complete with eerie horror movie music, is set when a horny teenage couple break into the high school, apparently to get it on, but—oops—the perky blond chick is a vampire who changes and brutally kills the guy. (Sucks to be that actor. Congratulations, you landed a part in what promises to be a hit teen drama. But you die in the first two minutes.)

For those not familiar with slayerism, the opening credits and voiceover give the gist; in every generation, there is a chosen one, etc., etc. Here, Buffy is the fresh-faced Sarah Michelle Gellar, known mainly as a soap actress.

Buffy’s mom drops her off at her new school in fictitious Sunnydale, CA, where she has apparently transferred following the events of the film. And wouldn’t you know it? Sunnydale is smack on top of the Hellmouth, a portal to all things occult. On Buffy’s very first day, a body turns up in a locker with telltale bite marks on its neck. But we’ll get back to that…

In addition to introducing Hellmouth-adjacent life, the pilot takes as its storyline a typical teenage tale; Buffy’s attempt to fit in with the cool crowd, only to find that she is destined to walk among the outcasts. She approaches her new school with hope for normalcy, but nevertheless carries a sharpened wooden stake in her bag. (“Pepper spray is just so passé.”)

She first befriends the self-centered beauty queen Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter), who picks on the brainy Willow (Alyson Hannigan). Meanwhile, charmingly awkward Xander (Nicholas Brendon) can’t keep his eyes off of Buffy. Willow likes Xander. Mr. Giles (Anthony Head), new librarian in the apparently deserted school library, seems to already know all about Buffy’s slaying ways. So she goes to him when she learns about the locker body.

 Vampires live under the city and are gearing up for some huge revolt, called The Harvest. So Buffy’s going to have a busy sophomore year, what with cheerleading, homework, and ass-kicking.

 Oh, and I did I mention there is a dark and mysterious, and ridiculously hot guy trailing Buffy around town? We don’t get a name, or much information at all, except that he knows what’s up with the Harvest.

 So the pilot gets us off and running with plenty of action, love triangleism, and more on the mysterious guy (who will, of course, be introduced later in the series as Angel), to look forward to. It’s a bit dark, often funny, and has enough eye candy to get addictive. And this is all despite the fact that, objectively speaking, it’s kind of bad. The acting, the dialogue… but stuff can be bad and still plenty entertaining. Just look at the original Star Wars.

 For added fun, there is an unaired version of Welcome to the Hellmouth floating around the ‘net.

 Memorable quote: (Said all SoCal bitchy) “God, what is your childhood trauma?”

I’ve had a bone to pick with FOX since 1996 when they canceled “Kindred: The Embraced.”

Why was Dollhouse canceled?  Apparently, low ratings… but I can’t wrap my head around that.  I happened to be online the other day when the news hit, and the internet was exploding with outcries from fans.  All the entertainment websites had articles up immediately, all of which were flooded with disappointed responses from fans.  Twitter was seeing updates every minute about the cancellation news (and that’s just from the people I follow).  Of course, Joss himself came out and spoke lovingly to the fans on Whedonesque.  We love Joss. Joss loves us. But, the lovefest stops when FOX is involved.

Some are saying we’re lucky we even got the second season of Dollhouse.  Apparently, FOX deemed the numbers were low in season 1, but gave it a chance for season 2, and the numbers didn’t rise.  I’m wondering how this is possible; I guess a large cult following just isn’t good enough for FOX.  And, let’s look at two of the biggest mistakes FOX made: They didn’t air “Epitaph 1″ and they didn’t give Dollhouse a single episode during this month’s sweeps.  Boo on you, FOX.  Boo on you.

I am glad we get 9 more episodes.  And, I’m extremely glad Joss gets to adjust the finale with the cancellation in mind.  Though it will be a rushed ending, I know he can still pull off something fabulous and satisfying.

Just some of the reasons why Dollhouse is great: Joss has weaved an intricate story into a brand new world with endless possibilities.  The various characters are well developed and have the ability to endear us, surprise us, and enrage us.  The acting is top notch.  The way “Epitaph 1″ revealed the future showed us how much Joss has to tell in this story.

What I would do if I was a millionaire: I would buy the sets from FOX and give Joss ALL the needed production money to continue the series in whatever form was fitting.  Look how good Dr. Horrible did online!  I’m sure Dollhouse would do the same, and then some.

What I’m doing while Dollhouse isn’t airing: Enjoying the ARG’s.  The Rossum Corporation has a new site.  An anonymous girl encourages us to Ditch the Tech.  And, Wipe the Future is giving us new updates each day, now with a needed codename and password.

Short answer: No.
Long answer: If Joss Whedon wasn’t involved, hell no.

Weeping Whedon

"The rest is silence."

Joss’ statement:

Hmm. Apparently my news is not news.

I don’t have a lot to say. I’m extremely proud of the people I’ve worked with: my star, my staff, my cast, my crew. I feel the show is getting better pretty much every week, and I think you’ll agree in the coming months. I’m grateful that we got to put it on, and then come back and put it on again.

I’m off to pursue internet ventures/binge drinking. Possibly that relaxation thing I’ve read so much about. By the time the last episode airs, you’ll know what my next project is. But for now there’s a lot of work still to be done, and disappointment to bear.

It was starkly obvious this was going to happen when it was decided new episodes were less profitable than reruns of House and Bones to run during sweeps month, but this is still a disheartening thing to hear.

It was always Whedon’s weakest show. Once Buffy found her legs, she kicked good; Angel provided the most explicit exposition of Whedon’s moral vision, but suffered from uneven seriousness in his writing staff that undercut the necessary tone; everything, premise, cast, writing, everything came together for Firefly.

Most episodes of Dollhouse were…well, episodic, monster wacky millionaire eccentric-of-the-week digressions. If one read through any thread by fans, they would quickly see even the show’s most committed devotees questioning whether the show was workable at all–how do you connect with a character who’s a different person every week? The show’s writers never quite figured it out. This production was fated for a short life at its conception.

 But in spite of its genetic defects, the production did issue fourth one of the most  compelling Jossverse characters in a few, too few, strokes in Amy Acker’s Dr. Claire Saunders. At its best, it posed questions about the dialectic between identity and reality in ways that have not been tried since the death of Philip K. Dick.

But these questions were only posed when the show realized the consequences of its own premise. These moments of lucidity only ever happened a few times per week in lines so inconsequential to the plots as to be throwaways but for their profundity. But for a few whole, glorious episodes–Man on the Street, Briar Rose, Epitaph One,  Belle Chose, Belonging–the lucidity lasted a full fifty minutes. I will miss these hours of sanity in the rolling years of idiotic television, full of sound and fury as it is, and signifying nothing.

Well. I guess it says something good that I’m in a position in my life where this is the worst news I hear all day. Today.

Wow, this is a really awesome viral campaign!

Rossum Corporation launched a web site in apparent reaction to Senator Perrin’s Senate investigation of both the corporation, and the allegations of a Dollhouse (or Dollhouses). According to Whedonesque, when the Rossum contact number is called, and a message left, you will receive a message imploring you to “ditch the tech”.

The wicked smart poster (Dev – name, not function) then went back to the web, and searched the phrase…find this truly eerie site. If you open up the link at the bottom, there’s a few little posters to paste around town, and possibly highly confuse folks

Finally, commenter Arison noticed a link leading to a site called Wipe the Future. This site seems to have to most activity, since it said only “Soon” this morning when Arison saw it, and it says “ROSSUM KNOWS THAT YOU KNOW.” now.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Topher, than are dreamt of in your Dollhouse.

My Sex in the City Moment©

How hard can it be to find the right man? I mean really, why are we so picky? Why do their little habits annoy us so much? Is it them, or is it us? “Self,”

My dating history has been…average.

Some Highlights (A.K.A. “low-lights”):

Boy #1) Great guy! We adored each other. We could talk on the phone for hours at a time, stopping only when the familiar refrain of “You’re running up the phone bill!” appeared (courtesy of parents). Deal-breaker: He couldn’t kiss to save his life. In fact, it was so bad we’re probably just lucky it hasn’t taken one by now.

Boy #2) Fun guy! I was his first girlfriend but he was hunky, tall, built, French AND English, and an Olympic fencer. He moved really slowly, which is just what I like. I like to build a friendship first. Deal-breaker: His other ladies and lax dental hygiene. He didn’t cheat on me, but he would talk about his mom, friends, sister, MY FRIENDS all the time. I was left with the constant urge to say, “remember me!?” Also, the fact that you have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that you get to forget to brush your teeth. Come on people!

Boy #3) Sweet guy! Sweet guy also had ZERO dating experience. He’d call me several times daily, yet when we were together he’d have nothing to say. Whenever he walked me back to my door he’d say his good-byes and continue to stand there. After he left, you could bet he’d knock on the door again within the next five minutes. I was always left with the feeling that he called his mom after our dates, and he asked if we could schedule our classes together…ON THE THIRD DATE. Deal-breaker: Everything about him. That boy had to go.

“Self,” I say to myself, “I’m sick of dating inexperienced dudes who expect me to do all the work in a relationship.” I pleaded with The Power(s) That Be for a decent guy, with some experience and dental hygiene. If he happened to like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and other products of Joss Whedon, who was I to complain? I was sick of dating the safe guy, but I didn’t want a bad boy.

Then I get what I want. I get an experienced guy who’s been through his own dark times. He’s older and smart. He’s not a hunkity hunk, but he is pretty cute. He knows his way around both a kiss and a toothbrush. He wants to be with me, but not in a smothery way. He gets my jokes. He likes Joss Whedon. What in the name of high heaven could be the problem?

I don’t have an answer for that specifically. Welcome to my first, real-life dating dilemma. There doesn’t seem to be something wrong, at least nothing major, except for the fact that something’s wrong. I suppose it could be that we have no history.

The major vibe I’m getting right now is that, while it’s not his sole goal in life to get into my pants it’s definitely still on his to do list. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m something a guy wants to conquer. Also, both he and guy #3 do this weird look that signifies that they’re about to do something romantic. I suppose Boy #1 did the same “I’m staring deeply into your eyes” thing, but that’s because he loved me. Or maybe I just bought it because I loved him back. I think it must have been some combination thereof. But with Boys #3 and #4 It’s like they’re imitation their concept of love.

Also, I’ve seen Boy #4 talk about previous girlfriends and I’m not a fan of how he talks about them. He’s not mean, but they have no names. They’re “my ex” or “my last girl” or some such thing. Never, “this girl I once dated” or (god(s) forbid) her name!

I feel this weird pressure to do things that I’m just not ready to do and that I frankly won’t be ready to do for a good long while.

I’m probably the only person I know who has chosen abstinence for reasons that aren’t religious. I’m just too highly motivated to deal with the downside of sex right now. I have goals and ambitions and a deep desire not to get pregnant or infected with HIV/AIDS right now. I know: “use a condom,” “take birth-control,” and “get tested.” But I’m still hearing, “only 98% percent effective,” “putting it on wrong,” “wrong results.”

I have no plans to be celibate for the rest of my life. I don’t even plan to wait until marriage. But is it really such a crime to want to wait until I’m both in love with a guy and have a degree? I think not. Are the only people who wait losers, geeks, and religious freaks? Again, I’m sensing misnomer. Is sex really so important that it has to occur within a certain time frame? Puberty and menopause are the only relevant time frames that come to mind. Most importantly, is a relationship only a relationship if there’s sex? If so, then why is it me who has to sacrifice my safety? If not, then what’s all the hubbub about? I’m just selective with my partners, and I’m putting my foot down. I’m responsible, not a future spinster. I’m motivated, not a ball basher. I’m a woman, not a blow-up doll. I want to have kids one day. I’d be a kick ass mom, but that day is not anywhere close to my near future.

I’m re-evaluating my image of the perfect guy (while noting that this is subject to change): All of the above requests are still valid. Also, a guy with a similar background (in terms of political views and personal values) is a must. A guy that cares about the people in his life, but wants to make room for me is preferred. Someone with siblings would be sweet. Someone older, but not in a creepy way. Someone who knows what he could have (sex, sex, and more sex) and has had it before, but is willing to wait for me to be ready, no matter how long it takes. I want a friend who’s my boyfriend, but different. It’s vague, but it’s true. Is it really that unattainable? I doubt it.

But I am really finally seeing why finding the right guy is so difficult. It’s the same reason that people want to have sex before they’re ready. It’s so hard to date anyone. And by that I mean that the majority of people you’ll date aren’t actually people; they’re manifestations of what people expect they should be: whores, players, good girls, bad boys, and the one’s your mom will love. When you finally do find someone who is willing to stop acting, there’s the whole matter of deciding if that’s what you want from a guy. It looks like I’ve got a whole lot of work ahead of me. When practicality becomes, a view that’s “so romantic that it’s unrealistic,” then I entreat society to re-evaluate its expectations and stop expecting me to change mine. All I’m expecting is good people behaving sensibly. It’s really not that romantic.

So my answer to the giant question mark that is the world of dating is: It’s not me, it’s you.

Creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Dollhouse. And ofcourse Firefly and it’s spinoff movie Serenity. According to journalist Herman Stil in the local paper, tv-producer and cult hero Joss Whedon may even be a source of inspiration for Google. The Cowboys in Space of the good ship Serenity send a wave, when they dispatch an electronic message. The code name for Google Wave’s test phase is called Dollhouse; the development of applications by external parties is Serenity. I am typing this wearing my Whedon T-shirt (coincidence, really) and my nerd heart swells a bit with pride.

This is a pattern for a beanie similar to the one worn by Jayne Cobb in the episode “The Message.” There are several patterns available for knitted versions, but I don’t know how to knit, so I made one up for all of us non-knitters. Comments and critiques are appreciated! More pictures will be posted in mid December (it is a birthday gift for a friend, so I’d like the hat’s “on the head” debut to be on her). In the mean time, if you have any questions please ask via comment, and I’ll answer as best (and as soon) as I can.

The Crochet Jayne Cobb Beanie!

Instructions

Materials:
-5.00 mm (K) Crochet Hook
-2 skeins each of:
-Red Heart Super Saver in Gold (198g, 4 wt.)
-Lion Brand Vanna’s Choice in Rust (100g, 4 wt.)
-Red Heart Collage in Rust (100g, 4 wt.)
-Stitch markers (four different colors)

Gauge: 4″ = 11 stitches

Since this pattern is worked in a spiral, using stitch markers to mark the beginning of each “row” will be necessary.

This entire pattern is worked using two strands of yarn held as one.

Main Part (If you have made a hat before, it may be easier for you to improvise this part… I generally don’t follow a pattern and just use my best judgement, so these instructions are a little weird)
Row 1: Working in Gold, 8 sc into slipknot, pull to tighten. Slipstitch in first stitch. Do not turn.
Rows 2-3: 2 sc in each stitch; don’t work over the raw end, as it will be needed later to affix the pom-pon. Do not turn.
Row 3: *1 sc in first stitch, 2 sc in next stitch. Repeat from * for remaining stitches. Do not turn.
Row 4: 1 *sc in first two stitches, 2 sc in third stitch. Repeat from * for remaining stitches. Do not turn.
Row 5: *sc in first four stitches, 2 sc in fifth stitch. Repeat from * for remaining stitches. Do not turn.
Row 6: *2 sc in first stitch, 1sc in next nine stitches. Repeat from * for remaining stitches. Do not turn. Place a stitch marker across from the row marker (estimate).

Place fabric markers at the row beginning and opposite.

Row 7: sc in each stitch except first stitch and opposite (marked) stitch. Place a stitch marker halfway between the other two markers on each side, so that you have a marker on the North, East, West, and South directions (estimate). We will designate the row (beginning) marker as North.
Row 8: 1 Sc in all stitches except East and West marked stitches; 2 sc in those. (For a larger hat, 2sc in North, South, East, and West)
Row 9: 1 Sc in all stitches except North and South marked stitches; 2 sc in those. (For a larger hat, 2sc in North, South, East, and West)
Rows 10-15: Repeat steps in italics. Remove South, East, and West markers; place markers in Northwest, Northeast, Southwest, and Southeast positions.
Row 16: Using Vanna’s Choice in Rust, 1 Sc in all stitches except Northwest and Southwest marked stitches; 2 sc in those.

Move stitch markers 45 degrees.

Row 17: 1 Sc in all stitches except Northeast and Southeast marked stitches; 2 sc in those.
Rows 18-20: Repeat steps in italics.
Rows 20-28: sc in each stitch. Tie off.
Using Vanna’s choice in Rust, fold edge of hat up to meet three rows from edge. Slip stitch all the way around.

Here, you see the back of the hat. At the bottom of the photo, you can see the rolled edge.

Don’t go crazy trying to follow the instructions above exactly… use your best judgement and adjust if needed. If you deviate from the pattern, don’t worry — it’s a hat, not a souffle! As long as it looks like a hat and fits okay, it will be just fine.

Ear Flaps (make two, of course!)
Try hat on, so that the color-change “bump” is in the middle back. On the inside of the hat, one stitch from the chain stitches you just made (towards the edge), place markers where you think the ears should start and end.
Row 1: Using Red Heart Collage in Rust, sc 12 stitches into this row (insert hook into hole and out next hole, pull loop through).
Rows 2-8: 1 sc in each stitch. Chain 1, turn.
Row 9: Decrease first and last stitches, sc in each stitch in between. Chain 1, turn.
Row 10: 1 sc in each stitch. Chain 1, turn.
Repeat rows 9 and 10 until you have two stitches per row. Chain 1, turn. Sc in each stitch; chain 1, turn, for 14 rows.
Using two strands of same color yarn, sc along the edges of earflaps. Tie off.

Note how the ear flaps are attached to the inner bottom part of the rolled edge.

Pom-Pon
Make a 3″ pom-pon: Using Red Heart Collage in Rust, wrap the doubled yarn around four fingers a bajillion times, cut the end. Tie an eight inch length of doubled yarn around the middle of the pom-pon, pull as tight as you can, and knot securely. Turn pom-pon over, and using another 8 inch length of yarn, repeat. Do not cut these tie ends! Cut the loops, puff the pom-pon out, and trim.

Although the picture makes the pom-pon look enormous, it is a trick of perspective. The pom-pon is only about 3" across.

Finishing
Pull ends of pom-pon ties through second row from middle, so that the eight strands are equally spaced. pull to tighten. Knot with hat ends. Turn hat right-side out. Knot ends of earflaps and pull to tighten. Put it on!

For an authentic look, tie a knot in the ends of the earflaps.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback, or to see a photo of your versions of this project!

I previously posted this tutorial on Hubpages.com, so if you’ve seen it before, that’s where!  I didn’t steal it.

Additionally:  I am not affiliated with the show Firefly, Serenity, or Joss Whedon in any way — I am a fan, and offer this tutorial as a tribute to the awesomeness that is Firefly!  I am not profiting from this project pecuniarily.

In fact, there will be none for the month of November. But those four weeks give you all the time you need to catch up on the rest of season two before it resumes on 4th December. FFW’s Kyle Francis tells you why you should, despite its acknowledged shortcomings:

It’s been within the ambition of science fiction for some time to assume that in the not-so-distant future technology will give human beings Godlike power, and Whedon—like the very best of science fiction writers—has the curiosity, audacity and imagination to question how power like that will affect the people who choose—or are chosen—to use it. It’s dorky, pulpy, gloriously fun stuff, and there’s at least a little bit of it in every single episode—even the bad ones.

Drinking the Dollhouse “Belonging” Kool-Aid – TV Ratings, Nielsen Ratings, Television Show Ratings | TVbytheNumbers.com

So Apparently, I’m not the only one who thought last night’s episode was awesome! I agree with Mr. Seidman that with the possible exception of Epitaph One, this was definitely the best episode yet. The character development was phenomenal. From the most obvious moral chrisis DeWitt has faces so far with an order coming from Rossam (unless you count Epitaph) to her telling Topher he has no morals and his reaction, to getting a glimpse of the possibly dark past of Boyd, to pulling at the heart strings with the Victor/Sierra ’ship. This episode simply rocked!

I hope more is to come, and I hope people start watching!

To this point in the series, I’ve had my small reservations. In fact if you had asked me on Thursday what was my favorite currently airing TV show, I would probably have said “Fringe”. But now I’m not so sure…