Well that was . . . a goddam waste of time, frankly. I don’t understand why reality TV producers think that people want to spend an hour and 25 minutes being told that someone is getting eliminated, watching all the drama unfold as a result of the premise that someone is going to be eliminated at the end, and then, you know, NOT eliminate someone at the end. At this point in Project Runway‘s lifespan, the design process seems almost tangential to the “drama,” so giving us an episode with very little design process and literally no payoff is just ridiculous. Also, why is there a final 4 all of a sudden? At this rate, they’ll end up like the NHL and have over half of the designers making the finals. Why don’t they just save time and money by eliminating the silly weekly challenges and have the 16 designers (aka “finalists”) create a fashion line for NYFW in the first episode, and then spend the next 13 episodes in judging, slowly eliminating them one by one until the new finale in which everyone is told that they’re all winners after all!

Anyway. Tim did his household visits where everybody (except maybe Christopher, who seems to be living in his parents’ house) lives in extraordinary luxury. Fabio’s apparently staying in his best friend’s dad’s apartment (what?) and Dmitry has good enough friends who lend him a place while they go to Spain, but can’t scrounge up anyone to appear on camera and talk about how “proud” they are of him. Something just felt off about the whole thing. Melissa’s place in San Francisco was equally luxurious, but no explanation was offered for her ability to afford it. You know it’s a dull episode when you’re thinking more about real estate than the clothes.

The collections were all pretty meh. Originally, I liked Christopher’s the best, but when it was on the runway, it did come off as pretty boring. Fabio’s is the most “conceptual,” but it’s not my taste so it’s hard to get too worked up about it. Dmitry had his usual perfectly made jackets and dresses with the cutouts, and Melissa was her black and white self. I don’t know. The judges couldn’t get it up enough to eliminate one of these looks, so it’s hard to get too excited about recapping them. It’s a vicious cycle. The best part of the judging was when Nina told Melissa in exasperation to just cut off the stupid giant cuffs of the jacket, but by the time the judges were on their own, everyone was back to loving the jacket again.

I’d normally post pictures here, but we’re going to see the exact same looks next week, so what’s the point? Instead, here are some other things that were more interesting than the clothes this week:

• The hotel they stayed in was called “Yotel” and looked like an America’s Next Top Model house inside. Maybe a crossover next season? Give them a chance to spend even less time on actual clothing design?
• Christopher used the x-rays from his mom’s accident as a print for his designs, but they never said exactly what happened to his mom. She seemed fine, though, so I guess who cares?
• Seriously, why didn’t Dmitry have anyone with him for his meeting with Tim? And why did they just have a giant plate of store-bought cookies in front of them during their convo?
• Do you think there was no explanation for Melissa’s awesome row house because we’re supposed to assume that her boyfriend pays for it? What does that say about us as a society? (See what happens when you don’t eliminate someone, producers? I start looking for signs of sexism everywhere. Good job.)
• How did Fabio’s stupid idea of painting those shoes actually make them better? They’re still awful, but they’re no longer godawful, so, win!
• What the hell was Melissa thinking with those terrible wigs? Fabio has an excuse (he’s a weirdo freegan hippie), but Melissa seems relatively normal, so I’m not sure what happened there.
• What’s with the judges’ obsession with “styling”? Michael actually said that styling is all there is. Really, Michael? I thought it was about the clothes.

Anyway, the good news is that the bar is now almost comically low for next week’s finale. As long as they crown someone a winner, they’ll have vastly exceeded expectations. Maybe that was the goal all along?

What do you think? Do you all hate non-elimination episodes as much as I do?

I have had a lot of issues with the last few seasons of The Office (and the eighth season in particular), but I’ve always stuck around because of the characters. In the season premiere of what will be a final 9th season, it seems like there’s hope that we’ll actually be getting back to focusing on the characters and not the crazy situations that the writers contrive to put them in. As such, I’m cautiously optimistic that this final season will give a proper end to this once-great show.

The episode itself was a lot of exposition. It had to explain the disappearance of some cast members as well as set the trajectory for the rest of the season. Seeing Kelly head off to Miami, Ohio thinking it was Miami, Florida was funny, but having Ryan just follow her seemed a little forced. I liked a lot of the callbacks to previous seasons (such as Andy hating Toby like Michael did and the return of David Wallace on speakerphone) but some of the actual meat of the show was a little bit too on-the-nose. For example, I liked the two new staff members and I liked the gag that they were like a young Jim and a young Dwight, but then having Jim observe young Jim’s lack of ambition, comment on it, and then realize he used to be exactly like young Jim was just a bit too obvious for me. Especially after the brilliant cold open that established that the documentary crew are just sticking around to find out what happens to Jim and Pam, to which Pam happily states that nothing much will happen to them while Jim looks on, the discomfort of that reality written all over his face.  Additionally, the introduction of this wonderful opportunity for Jim to take the next step by moving to Philadelphia to help his college buddy implement Jim’s idea was maybe a bit too convenient for me, but I am glad that Jim is taking the steps to finally get out of Dunder Mifflin. It’s been 9 years in the making, so I hope the writers do it justice.

In terms of comedy, the episode actually had me smiling quite a bit and I laughed out loud at Creed’s assessment of what went on in the parking lot at the end of the episode. It just goes to show you – the more things change, the more Creed stays the same. I’m looking forward to seeing what else the folks in Scranton have in store for us in their final season.

Modern Family E3 S21 – Disneyland

The family outside Disneyland with Lily on her “child safety tether”

It’s funny – I find it much more difficult to write about a good episode than a bad one. Which is perhaps why I didn’t write this review yesterday. This week, the Pritchetts and the Dunphys head to Disneyland and, naturally, hilarity ensues! My favourite episodes of Modern Family are the ones where the whole family gets to interact together, and this episode was no different, with the characters working their way through the park and weaving in and out of each other’s story lines. Phil is excited because Luke is finally tall enough to go on all of the roller coasters, only to find out that he might be getting too old to keep up with him. We get the broad, physical comedy that Ty Burrell is so good at (the scene when he’s dizzy but trying to catch up with Luke and runs while seemingly on a 45 degree angle is brilliant), and also a sweet scene where Luke promises to push Phil’s wheelchair as fast as he wants. We also get a happy ending when Phil realizes he just has the flu and maybe has a few more years left of roller coaster fun with his son.

Then there was the story line with Mitch and Cam, who deal with Lily’s new penchant for running away by putting her on a “child safety tether.” As everyone points out, it’s really a leash, and even Lily backs this up by barking. In one of the most laugh-out-loud sequences of the whole season, Lily gets tangled up with a set of leashed twins as the twins’ mother and Mitchell and Cam exchange the kind of phrases normally heard a dog parks (“she’s feisty today!” “don’t worry, she’s not dangerous”). The fact that she immediately chases after Chip and Dale when they unhook the leash is perfect, too. Finally, the guys are saved when Grandpa Jay offers to step in. Having spent the day trying to convince Gloria to step out of her sky-high heels and into the soft Minnie Mouse slippers (“they’re like peeelows, Jay!”), Jay knows just how to slow down Lily – he buys her a pair of Disney princess heels. Problem solved.

This is why summarizing good comedy shows is hard – I haven’t even touched on the part where Claire tries to fix Haley up with a good boy, only to find that he and Alex get along much better (“I just set my 14 year old up with a college boy”). Also, Dylan is back and working at Disneyland, first as one of the Dapper Dans (which turns bad boy-loving Haley off) and then as Little John. The scene where Little John tries to win Haley back is genius, from Dylan’s awkward dance and insistence first that “this is what Little John does” to his admittance that “I don’t even know what movie this is from.” All gold. The weakest part, I think, was the storyline where Manny doesn’t enjoy Disneyland because his fake stock portfolio is tanking. They’ve been a bit heavy-handed with the whole “Manny doesn’t act like a kid” theme this season, and, while it was funny, it just didn’t hold up against the rest of the brilliance.

So, there, you see? Very hard to recap/review a brilliant episode without just repeating “and this was funny, and that was hilarious, and this other part was awesome!” Luckily, this week’s episode of The Office didn’t present me with such a problem.

The Office S8 E24 – Free Family Portrait Day

“Janitor” Andy . . . for some reason.

This week’s episode was actually the season finale, but it neither left me with much hope for the show’s future nor presented me with much of a cliffhanger to encourage me to come back for the season premiere.

Once again, the show had its funny moments, but they were surrounded by about 20 minutes of non-funny stuff, so they kind of got overshadowed. Gabe walking into the conference room with his cupcake, the look on Jim’s face during the family photos, Andy mopping the carpet, and everyone’s incredulous looks when they think Andy is just imagining David Wallace. That pretty much sums up the funny stuff, I think. It actually might have been less than 2 minutes of screen time.

The rest? Well, the rest was a bit of a convoluted mess, to be honest. The free family portraits featured in the episode’s title come about because of Dwight. Jim suspects that Dwight is using this as a way to somehow hurt his children as a way of getting back at him for a prank, and this results in one of the aforementioned funny moments. He’s only half-right however, as it is indeed part of a plot, but rather than wanting to hurt Jim’s kids, Dwight wants to try and get a sample of Angela’s baby’s DNA so that he can prove once and for all that he is the father. This feels like something Dwight would do, and so is not totally out of nowhere, but it’s then dragged out far too long. He steals the baby’s diaper and leads Angela on a chase all over Scranton, of which the viewer is forced to watch almost every minute. A low-speed chase through suburbia is not that exciting, guys, sorry. Also, the plotline ends in two weird ways. First, Angela finally catches up with Dwight at the clinic, and when she finds out he’s too late to stop him, she hold his hand. WTF? Now she’s cool with Dwight being the father? What was the point of that drawn out chase then? Meanwhile, back at the office, the Senator is leaving with their baby and runs into Oscar. Covering his baby’s face, he creepily orders Oscar to call him. I’m sorry, but covering your baby’s face doesn’t make up for the fact that you’re trying to pick up a guy at your wife’s office. I hope he at least puts the baby in the next room before he gets down to business with his various male constituents. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth (that’s what she said?).

The other storyline involved Andy for some reason thinking that the best way to make everyone respect you again is to dress up like a boozy janitor, spill food all over yourself, and generally degrade yourself until David Wallace comes in and announces that you are the new/old regional manager. It makes absolutely no sense, and even dim bulb Erin has to warn him that he might want to “calibrate” since some things just can’t be unseen. Of course, when the other people in the office stage an intervention, she tries to support his story by telling them that he’s been abusing her, so her intelligence was apparently fleeting. The only payoff for this whole thing was the scene where they don’t believe that Andy has been talking to David Wallace, but this momentary foundation in reality is immediately eclipsed by the arrival of David himself.

When David is announcing the changes (he’s bought Dunder Mifflin and Sabre is liquidating), Andy acts far worse than Michael at his most disruptive. Why in the world David didn’t just walk out of there at that point?  And how do you reconcile the brilliant and astute Andy of last week to this week’s bumbling idiot? At least Michael’s success as a salesperson was understandable – Andy’s character changes on the whims of the writers. The other problem is that the Sabre storyline was wrapped up so neatly. Robert California is gone (and for some reason, given a ton of money by David Wallace), Nellie will inexplicably stay on as a “Special Projects Coordinator” (ugh, why won’t she just go away already?) and that’s that. Everything that happened this season might as well have been a dream. Next season, Andy will be manager, we’ll get sporadic appearances by David Wallace, Kelly and Toby will mysteriously never be seen again (as both are leaving to work on other shows) and life will continue on in Scranton. The question is, will anyone still care enough to watch?

Castle S4 E23 – Always

I don’t always watch Castle anymore. I started watching it because it was a fun, campy cop show (and who doesn’t like Nathan Fillion?) But the longer they dragged out this Beckett-Castle sexual tension thing, the less interested I got. Either get together or don’t get together, but make a decision. The constant “undercover” operations where they had to be in compromising positions, the number of times they’ve saved each other’s lives and were on the edge of admitting their love only to be interrupted by someone . . . it just got to be too much and I quit watching it regularly.

Castle and Beckett: Will they, won’t they, will anyone care?

I tuned in last night though and was rewarded with . . . more of the same. Here’s another thing I don’t care about, Castle showrunners (since I know you were wondering): Who killed Beckett’s mom. I just don’t care one tiny bit. The “conspiracy” is so overwrought and convoluted and nonsensical that throwing it into the season finale year after year just smacks of laziness. Plus, the only point of bringing it up over and over seems to be to reinforce how “damaged” Beckett is and how great Castle is for always being there for her. Luckily, in this episode, we got to see Castle actually make a move to distance himself when he remembered that he had a real life and went to Alexis’ graduation instead of chasing after Beckett. While Beckett hung from the ledge of a roof screaming for him, Castle was blissfully oblivious, listening to his daughter’s valedictorian speech. And you know what? Good. That’s exactly where he should have been. If the season had ended right there, I would’ve been satisfied and probably thought about tuning in more often next season.

But nope, they couldn’t just leave it alone. At the very end, Beckett shows up soaking wet at Castle’s door, professes to be a changed woman, who, instead of wanting to find out who killed her mother, now only wants Castle. Cue passionate make-out session. I’ll eat my hat if next season doesn’t start out with a post-coital “this was a mistake, we shouldn’t have done this, we need to just be friends” scene. After Beckett’s near-death experience last season had Castle finally confess his love for her, I thought that this could finally be the season they got together. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I change the channel.

Smash S1 E14 – Previews

Smash is one of those shows that I had no intention of watching. In fact, I actively (well, as active as you can be with a remote) boycotted the series premier because of the annoyingly frequent commercials leading up to it. But then I caught one episode (I think it was the third or fourth one) and somehow I find myself throwing it on in the background on Tuesday mornings when I work. It’s certainly not a good show, but there’s something about it that I just keep coming back to. The problem is that it doesn’t totally seem to know what it wants to be. It’s ridiculously unbelievable, but it seems to take itself super seriously. Revenge works because everyone involved is aware of the campiness of it; Smash seems to think it’s a Serious Drama. I originally liked how this show was a musical without having to resort to people singing in the streets. That flew out the window a few episodes ago and it has only gone downhill from there. The producers also seem to think that a good way to create more drama is by having everybody in a relationship cheat on their partners. Last week featured not one, but two cheaters. Derek cheated on Ivy by hopping into bed with Rebecca, and Ivy responded by sleeping with Karen’s boyfriend Dev (who she just happened to run into at the bar?)

This week’s episode featured some of the fallout from these decisions, with very little in the way of explaining why these decisions were made in the first place. Apparently, we’re supposed to believe that, within hours of telling Ivy that he loved her, Derek decided the only way of keeping the movie star lead happy was to sleep with her? It makes no sense. Also, you’d think Ivy would be a better actress, but from the way she was unable to be in the same room as Dev without shooting him furtive guilty glances, apparently not. I, for one, couldn’t care less how any of these couples shake out.

Uh oh, Dev and Ivy slept together!

The only legitimate drama in the show from the beginning was the question of who would get to play Marilyn. Now that Rebecca has bailed after getting poisoned with peanuts from an unknown assailant (Sidenote: I did like the fact that Rebecca admitted that she knew there were peanuts in the smoothie but drank it anyway. Saves me wondering how it would be possible to not taste/smell the peanuts in there. Thanks, writers), the role is once again up for grabs. We’re supposed to care ever so much about whether Ivy or Karen gets to play Marilyn, but this question already feels overwrought and I can already predict that they will both get the chance to play different sides of Marilyn in a sort of Black Swan/White Swan type deal. Anyway, I’m not sure that I care too much one way or the other. Karen is annoying and naive and whiny, and Ivy is entitled, conniving, and yet also whiny. No real standout to root for.

Next week is the season finale, so we’ll find out then and hopefully be able to get some sense of how they expect to make this continue into a second season. Because once the show starts and the Marilyn role is chosen, where will the drama be? There are only so many combinations of people who can sleep together, and they’ve rattled through them pretty quickly in only 14 episodes.

Dwight, Jim, Frank Sabotka, and the back of Homer Simpson’s head.

Now, is this whole turn of events especially plausible? No, not really. For one, how could Robert just close the branch on a whim? And why isn’t anyone from Binghamton coming to the Scranton branch demanding answers? And how can someone SO INEPT run a company? And why isn’t anyone in Scranton worried about what will happen to their jobs the next time Robert goes on a bender? And honestly, would “the largest junk mail distributer” actually just sign with Andy on a whim, despite the fact that he has no ties to any paper company whatsoever? (Now, it should be mentioned that the head of this company is played by Dan Castellaneta aka. Homer Simpson, so maybe this bit of casting was supposed to give the viewers a hint that he’s not exactly the brightest bulb. But sill, implausible.) Oh, and also? The final scene, where Harry throws out his offhanded remark that Robert will run the company into the ground within 6 months and Jim and Dwight look shocked was a little ridiculous. Isn’t it blindingly obvious that he is running the company into the ground? Why have they not thought about this possibility before? And were we, as the audience, also supposed to be shocked by this revelation? But I digress. Purely ignoring realism, this twist has potential. Get rid of Robert (and, for the love of god, send Nellie with him), bring back David Wallace, and change the work environment of Dunder Mifflin (again) and there might be enough interest to keep me coming back for one more season.

Sidenote: The writers have now spent plot lines in 3 episodes trying to make Nellie seem more sympathetic by allowing members of the office to glimpse parts of her horribly depressing past and home life. So, if we’re supposed to feel badly for Nellie, why did they make her so unredeemingly awful to begin with? At this point, I don’t care if she’s in credit card debt, had a terrible break up, or just found out she can’t adopt a baby. Do you know why I don’t care about those things? Because I don’t care about her! So yeah. Just stop it.

However, the best part of this episode was that it once again re-opened magical TV gateway between The Office and The Wire, as Harry was played by none other than Frank Sabotka (okay, okay, his real name is Chris Bauer. But I mean, really, he’s Frank Sabotka, right?) Frank joined his fellow Wire alumni Stringer Bell (real name: Idris Elba) and Beadie (real name: Amy Ryan). He got to do some vaguely Frank-like things too, threatening Toby and trying to strong arm the Scranton folks into giving them what he wants. It got me thinking that one good way to revitalize the final season would be to bring in more folks from B’more. It could work: Under the leadership of David Wallace, Dunder Mifflin becomes wildly successful and needs to hire more staff. Bodie and crew could cover the warehouse (since they already have experience with moving packages), Bubbles is obviously head of sales (anyone who can sell T-shirts out of a shopping cart can sell paper. Plus, he already sells newspapers, is it really that far of a stretch?), Lester takes over quality control from Creed, and Bunk and McNulty come in to solve the case of the Scranton Strangler and need to  use some space in the annex to set up their wiretap (and possibly spy on suspect Gabe, who, let’s be serious, gets creepier and creepier every episode). I think it could really work! I know I’d watch it anyway. Who else do you think could work?

Bubbles’ Depo – now stocking your very finest Dunder Mifflin paper products!

The Good:

• The talking head asides probably provided the best moments of the episode. I thought it was funny that Andy didn’t know which camera to look at since “it’s been awhile” since he’d done one of them. Kevin’s multiple asides about his intelligence (and the fact that Dwight might be the stupid one in the office, whereas before they didn’t have one) were funny enough, and his conclusion that he thinks the people he works with are idiots, not some of the time, but “every of the time” made me smile, if not outright laugh.
• I enjoyed the re-appearance of David Wallace, even if the narrative point of having him there wasn’t clear. It is nice to know that his toy vacuum (Suck It) was actually successful though.
• Dwight not understanding how a silent auction worked was funny enough, if bordering on unbelievability. It played out exactly as one would expect and the joy on Jim’s face when Dwight realized that he’d actually spent $34 000 on the “prizes” he thought he’d won was (almost) worth the amount of time this story line occupied. I think I would’ve liked it better if the whole thing had been a result of a prank that Jim pulled on Dwight, but I guess it’s nice that, in the end, Jim doesn’t even have to mess with Dwight and he still gets his entertainment value.

When Steve Carell announced that he was leaving, I crossed my fingers that the Powers That Be at NBC would just let The Office go with him. I mean, it is an ensemble show, but the ensemble revolved around Michael Scott. The decision to make Andy the new boss solidified this, since Andy is  just Michael 2.0. At first, Season 8 moved along reasonably well with this arrangement, but the increasing irrelevance of James Spader’s Robert California and the inherent unlikablity of Catherine Tate’s Nellie Bertram are making it difficult for the other characters to shine through. With the recent rumours that Mindy Kaling and Paul Lieberstein will be leaving at the end of the season, it looks more and more likely that The Office as we know it is gone for good. With the further rumours of a reconfiguration of the show and/or a spin-off focused on Dwight, I am becoming more and more pessimistic that NBC will let The Office end with dignity. I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. After all, this is the network that inflicted not one, but TWO seasons of Joey on poor, unsuspecting Friends fans.

Anyway, onto the episode:

• Phyllis’ rainy day cliches was a fun cold open and called back to the early days when the show touched on everyday annoyances with co-workers
• Did the Kelly-Ravi-Ryan-Pam storyline make Pam seem just a tad annoying and nosey, or was it just me?
• The impotence meeting was just . . . awkward and desperate and sad. Michael’s meetings might have been offensive, but they never felt this sad.
• Erin and Andy’s tantrum was perfect. It felt therapeutic to have some characters FINALLY show some anger towards this woman who just came in and took a job that she had no claim on. The whole storyline didn’t make sense from the beginning, and having Erin and Andy throw things at Nellie made me feel better as a viewer because I sure as hell would like to throw things at her most of the time she’s on the screen.

So now Andy’s fired (for no good reason). I suspect it will lead to another Dwight-esque one episode foray into a new job before being reunited with the Dunder Mifflin-Sabre crew but I could be wrong. I certainly couldn’t have predicted the whole Nellie debacle, so I suppose anything is possible. Regardless, I will be back (with some trepidation) next week.