Sunday River’s New Campaign

Newry, ME — With every new ski season comes a new campaign to generate interest in the sport and its respected resorts. This year Sunday River will promote their resort with an intricately designed image on their websites, clothing, stickers, etc. Sunday River wanted to stay away from the current fad of bright and loud patterns that are reminiscent of the eighties, and go in a totally new direction. The resort wanted their new campaign to be prominently featured amongst complex, intricate designs created by the Native Americans. So, Sunday River went out and hired a group of Native American artisans, the Aryan Nation.

“Listen,” begins a distressed Sunday River executive, “we totally fucked up and we know it. We wanted to hire some Native Americans, but who the hell knows even knows an actual Native American person? We needed to find out how to locate some, so we went online to search them. Originally, we all agreed that Cherokees were pretty badass and that we should contact them, but every time we Googled them, we kept getting results for websites about jeeps. After that didn’t work, we then typed in ‘true Americans’, and that’s how we found the Aryan Nation’s website. We just assumed that ‘true Americans’ meant ‘Native Americans’, and you’ve got to admit that Aryan Nation does sound like a Native American reservation. Honestly, we didn’t know that we were hiring ignorant assholes. We just thought that we were getting some Indians.”

On the behalf of the Aryan Nation, Roger Whiteback, chief propaganda designer, states his brotherhood’s side of the story. “First of all, me and my partner, Stan Whiteface, were super-duper excited to do the Sunday River project. What they did was send us a rough sketch of what they wanted. Their original sketch was this picture of a weird image that had about four arms extended from the center, and within that image were the words ‘We Support White Powder’. So, I went to work on the background image first. I couldn’t make out what the hell that thing was supposed to be, but when I started to squint at it, it made sense. It was just a poorly drawn swastika. Well, I beefed it up a bit, and made it into one of the best swastikas I’ve ever designed. They got mad about that because later on, after we finished the project, they told me it was actually a snowflake and not a swastika. Then there was the incident with their slogan in the forefront of their sketch: ‘We Support White Powder’. They got all pissed when I took the letter ‘d’ out of ‘Powder’. Seriously? They hired the Aryan Nation, of course we’re gonna think ‘We Support White Powder’ is a typo, ya know?”

After experiencing a rough economic patch, Boyne has admitted that they’re unable to financially support a new campaign, and if they want to continue to promote their ski resort, then the Aryan’s finished product will have to suffice.

A Boyne spokesperson further explains their company’s stance. “We’re in the middle of a financial dilemma here and a racial controversy, but we’re just going to have to lean on the old proverb that ‘All publicity is good publicity’. Yes we accidentally employed the Aryan Nation, but it was for a very brief moment in time. We’re willing to admit that we had a brief exchange, but we don’t want people to think we’ve been rubbing elbows so hard with the Aryans that their lynching arms are bruised.”

To help put Sunday River back into the good graces of its loyal guests, and also distance themselves from white supremacy, Boyne employed a Jewish publicist to put a positive spin on the “We Support White Power” campaign, and prove that if a Jew could work for Sunday River, then their logo can’t possibly stem back to the days of the Nazis.

“Alright,” begins the Jewish publicist, Sal Steinberg, finally, after fifteens minutes of pleading for someone to turn the heat up at Sunday River’s press conference. “You’ll notice the words ‘We Support White Powder’ in the middle of this here sticker. Last winter was pretty tough financially, and there wasn’t enough money to put into a second campaign, but we did have enough money for a case of Whiteout. If you put your face a few inches away you’ll clearly notice that each sticker has squeezed in a Whiteout letter ‘d’ to make the word ‘Powder’. This makes each one unique and a collector’s item. Now, let’s talk about that background symbol. Since when did a windmill-esque image, on an axis, with four arms that eventually bend at a ninety degree angle, automatically mean it’s a swastika? We just thought it’d be fun to stray away from the traditional idea that a snowflake is a fancy, doily-looking object. We just took a simple, stripped down image to use instead. Everyone uses the fancy snowflake image, and as everyone knows, no two snowflakes are the same. So, we believe a snowflake like ours could definitely exist.” He’s right, it did exist. In East Germany.

Later that night, a waitress at the Matterhorn Ski Bar overheard the Jewish publicist, in a nasally voice, saying the following (right before he left a meager eight percent tip), “I’m so nauseous right now. I can’t believe I said those things for money. I feel like one of those prostitutes, you know? The ones with the ungodly clothing and diseases. I hate myself. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks now about Moses chasing me with a pitchfork. My poor mother would never forgive me for getting involved with those Nazi lovers. I just want to go back to my condo in Miami.”

After dumping the body of the young woman who overheard the publicist, Boyne and Sunday River executives were hoping that the explanation of the logo would help the controversy blow over, but certain groups took notice. One of those groups, the Ku Klux Klan, overheard the conference, and one of their leaders had this to say, “As you’ve probably guessed, we are ecstatic that Sunday River surfaced their true feelings and beliefs. We finally have a safe place to go on a skiing vacation now. A place where we’ll be accepted in our hood and robes. It’s not easy going out in public when you dress like us. You have no idea how painful it is to be constantly judged and ostracized everywhere you go, just because of who you are. It doesn’t matter now though, because in Bethel, they tell it like it is. White Power all the way! Hell, they even support the Confederacy. I mean, they must support the Confederacy if they put a statue of a faggy Union soldier, on Bethel’s Main St., smack-dab between a homo flower store and a God damn taco shop! I love it! Reminds me of the good ol’ days in Montgomery, Alabama.”

After a private meeting, executives of Boyne and Sunday River held another press conference. “We have finally come up with a way to prove that we aren’t racist, and that we don’t support White Power,” exclaims a representative of Sunday River, who regularly quotes the movie Blazing Saddles. “Our superiors at Boyne Realty are currently installing a border length wall to stop racist people like the Aryan Nation and the KKK from entering Maine. We originally had the idea to build the wall years ago to keep out Massholes, and now it’s finally about to become a reality. Aside from those three groups, other people wishing to come to Bethel are still more than welcome and may enter from New Hampshire, because Canada will obviously be completely walled off. However, due to the wall being several miles wide, it was incidentally built on top of Gorham, New Hampshire, so people will instead have to go through the wall’s border patrol located in Berlin. Now, I know some people are worried, but as long as people have their papers in order, they’ll be fine. Everyone’s really friendly at the Berlin Wall.”

Режисьор: Доминик Сена

Сценарист: Джон Хоубър, Ерик Хоубър, Чад Хейс, Кери Хейс

Оператор: Кристофър Суус

Музика: Джон Фрицъл

Жанр: екшън-драма-мистерия-трилър

Дата на излизане: 11.09.2009

Наподобява: мощна чекия със зимния сетинг тип “Нещото”

___________________________________________________________________________________

автор: Tyrael

Не, не, не, не! Не! Цък, нъц, не ща! Пък!!! Ако се чудиш на какво се дължи този утринен изблик на крайни възмущения, любезно ще ти поясня: Тъй като ние сме медия от световна класа, сме задължени един вид да ви представяме кажи-речи всичко ново, което излиза на малък и голям екран, монитор, диск или за какъвто друг носител се сетиш. В конкретния случай става въпрос за второто и понеже беше крайно време да ме отмързи и да седна да напиша нещо, получаваш скромното ми мнение за това филмово малоумие, което, надявам се, не си имал още „щастието“ да се прецакаш да гледаш на кино.

Whiteout, драги читателю, е толкова потресаващо скучен, тъп, плосък и очевиден филм, че дори няма да мога да ти го оспойля подобаващо, просто защото сюжетът и действието са толкова мудни, че все едно гледаш филър (запълваща сцена – бел. ред.) на Дързост и Красота и всичко ти е ясно от 15-тата минута нататък. Защото, нека си го кажем честно, подобен сетинг и идея просто никога няма да успеят да ни покажат каквато и да е динамика, да не говорим за екшън или, не дай си Боже, смислен плот. Последният, апропо, се върти около Кейт Бекинсейл, която влиза в ролята на Кари Стетко – кука-шериф, самозаточила се на Южния полюс, защото партньорът й я е предал (опа, спойлер) и тя го е застреляла в мутрата. Шоцкинг! Въпросната мадама Стетко е на път да си пренесе циците на по-топло, когато все пак решава да направи малка огледна експедицийка с цел намирането на нередности, заровено съкровище или мъртво тяло, изхвърлено от самолет и наръгано с пикел в гърба. Така на целия този фон се появява мъртво тяло, изхвърлено от самолет и наръгано с пикел в гърба. Шоцкинг!!!

Оттук нататък започва стоминутният borefest, при който Кейт Бекинсейл, тук захвърлила вамприските зъби, кожените дрехи и високите обувки, и навлекла фешънска шуба с пухчета, търчи из първа, втора, трета станция, заровен под снега самолет и междустанцийни пространства, докато вали сняг и навън е много студено… уж. Проблемът, както вече разбра, е че всичко това се случва със скоростта на ледник, изкачващ баир, и е придружено с едни такива вяли разговори и реплики, че ти иде да се застреляш, заспиш или да си пуснеш нещо с повече темпо като документален филм за дърветата на National Geographic. Сцените са заснети ужасно и режисирани още по-гламаво. Няма никаква разлика дали Кейт Бекинсейл ще си взима душ или ще я преследват с катерачески пикел из руска станция. За сценарните недоумения и малоумщини пък не ми стигат думите да ги опиша. В смисъл, че американската станция на пръв поглед е като къща от роман за Хари Потър – уж средна по размери, но веднъж влезеш ли вътре, нещата изглеждат по съвсем друг начин. Лабораториите са по-големи от университетски такива, а стаята на нашата мадама е по-просторна от фоайе на банка. За сметка на това, руската станция със същите размери отвътре е разнебитено-картонена като барачката за инструменти на дядо в Шумен и очевидно построена с единствената цел да е мизерна и да вони на водка. И сериозно – стени от гипс-картон? На шибания Южен Полюс?! Русия отдавна не е толкова бедна държава, ебаси!

По някое време филмът ще те отведе то т. нар. екшън сцени, които, подобно на всичко останало, са правени през пръсти и без грам въображение. Dominic Sena, който по принцип не е чак толкова отчайващо бездарен режисьор и направил сравнително приятните (абе направо са си доста добри – бел. Ред.) Gone in 60 Seconds и Swordfish, тук имаш чувството, че просто е казал “Момчета, аз отивам за кафе, а вие си снимайте както ви дойде!”, а екипът в отговор свойски е решил да пръска изкуствен сняг там, където нещата не са се получили. А сняг не е като да няма. Така гореспоменатият “екшън” се изразява в гоненици покрай опънати въженца, докато се опитваш да различиш кой кого е изпод всичката виелица, сняг и скука. Най-ефектното нещо, забележи, е суркането на лошия тип по снега и удрянето му из подпорните колони на базата.

На другия полюс (филмов, не географски) пък са изключително фейспалмващите откъси, които са смукани не от пръсти, ами от паница свински ректуми и чифт конски ташаци, и са пълни с толкова много глупости, че ще откажеш да повярваш, че може да съществува толкова прост сценарий. Говорим си за неща като цялото времетраене, през което нашите пичове в заровения самолет с два погледа успяха да пресъздадат едно към едно въвеждащата сцена и да сътворят план за бягство изпод шест метра сняг и лед. И това са същите герои, чиято изконна гениалност ги е подтикнала да влязат ВСИЧКИТЕ до един в дълбока снежна дупка и да оставят въжето ОТВЪН, докато наоколо няма НИКОГО, който да ги спаси, ако ги затрупа сняг. Светкавично развитие на персонажи, няма спор. Джос Уидън да се засрами! В паузата между тези два типа сцени не се случва нищо различно от това Кейт Бекинсейл да се разкарва наляво-надясно и да си говори с тоя и оня като герой от роман на Робин Хоб…

Подобни простотии и некохерентни събития валят през две минути и наистина могат да те изкарат извън нерви. Ако не си заспал, разбира се, защото увисналата ми по мъртвешки ръка в кутията с пуканки определено ме караше да се съмнявам в жизнените си процеси. “По дяволите, няма ли това чудо край?” е въпросът, който със сигурност ще си зададеш няколко десетки пъти, докато накрая не ти се прииска да си прегризеш гърлото, за да не повръщаш в устата си от досада. “Плот”-”туистът” (явно тия две понятия нямат място в това безумно подобие на филм – бел. Ред.) идва като малко спасение, въпреки, че е по-очевиден от трол в детски басейн и по-малоумен от филм на Невелдайн и Тейлър. Кой би предположил, че лошите ще са двама от всичките пет героя с реплики? В смисъл, няма да е Кейт Бекинсейл (дох), нито негъра (‘щото ще е расистко) или пък агентчето (защото трябва поне още един добър герой, пък и пичът не се е климатизирал дори), така че внимавай много О_О!!! И естествено ще ми простиш този лек спойлер, защото съм длъжен да ти го кажа поради огромната вероятност да го проспиш или да изпаднеш в тежка кататония много преди да дойде.

В заключение – не гледай филма. Наистина! Ако ти се занимава с наистина малоумно кино, тази година ни предостави чудесни екземпляри и то в огромни количества, за да не се спреш точно на този.

Оценка: 2/10 (3/10, ако си заспал по средата)

Check the R5 Release Dates page for the latest release dates. (Dates go up to December 2010)

November 2009
Bring It On: Fight to the Finish – November 3^rd
Zombieland – November 5^th
The Prince & Me 3: A Royal Honeymoon – November 5^th
Hardwired – November 5^th
Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure – November 5^th
Banlieue 13 Ultimatum – November 12^th
Julie & Julia – November 12^th
The Private Lives of Pippa Lee – November 12^th
OSS 117: Rio ne répond plus – November 19^th
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – November 19^th
Little Hercules in 3-D – November 19^th
Driven to Kill – November 19^th
Hachiko: A Dog’s Story – November 19^th
The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations – November 19^th
Saw VI – November 26^th
Playmobil: The Secret of Pirate Island – November 26^th

December
My Sister’s Keeper – December 1^st
Astro Boy – December 3^rd
Jennifer’s Body – December 3^rd (2nd Date)
Law Abiding Citizen – December 3^rd
American Pie: Book of Love – December 8^th
Inglourious Basterds – December 8^th
2012 – December 10^th
The Box – December 10^th
Love Happens – December 11^th
Funny People – December 15^th
Zombieland – December 17^th (2nd Date)
This Is It – December 17^th
The Stepfather  - December 17^th
Planet 51 – December 17^th
The Private Lives of Pippa Lee – December 24^th

January 2010
The Soloist – January 12^th 2010
Shrink – January 21^st 2010
The Final Destination – January 26^th 2010
Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassins’ Ball – January 26^th 2010
City Island – January 26^th 2010
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel – January 28^th 2010
This Is It – January 2010 (2nd Date)

February 2010
The Informant!  - February 2^nd 2010
500 Days of Summer – February 4^th 2010
Whiteout – February 9^th 2010
The Time Traveler’s Wife – February 9^th 2010
Couples Retreat – February 9^th 2010
The Invention of Lying – February 16^th 2010
Amelia – February 18^th 2010
Into the Blue 2: The Reef – February 18^th 2010
Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead – February 18^th 2010
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant – February 23^rd 2010
The Blind Side – February 23^rd 2010
Tooth Fairy – February 25^th 2010

March 2010
Free Willy: Escape from Pirate’s Cove – March 2^nd 2010
Fantastic Mr. Fox – March 4^th 2010
The Marine 2 – March 4^th 2010
Ninja Assassin – March 9^th 2010
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief – March 11^th 2010
Where the Wild Things Are – March 23^rd 2010
Surviving Evil – March 25^th 2010
The Cabin in the Woods  - March 25^th 2010
Sherlock Holmes – March 30^th 2010
The Wolfman – March 2010
A Christmas Carol – March 2010

April 2010
Paranormal Activity – April 6^th 2010
It’s Complicated – April 20^th 2010
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel – April 25^th 2010 (2nd Date)

May 2010
Preacher’s Kid – May 4^th 2010
Valentine’s Day – May 18^th 2010

For the rest of the dates go to http://tinyurl.com/r5dates

Updated: 18^th November 2009

Note: not all dates are 100% accurate and are likely to vary, please keep checking back for updated release dates.

cam asa au sunat reactiile primelor filme horror din maratonul pus la dispozitie (evident pe 31 octombrie) cu ocazia halloween-ului la movieplex plaza mall. oare de ce rad oamenii cand apar scene explicite de taiat beregata cu un cutit nu tocmai ascutit…sau cand i se rupe mijlocul unui barbat si i se scurg matele, stomacul si intestinele cu lichidele aferente pe jos?eu am spus ca rad ca sa nu se sperie prea tare…radeau de speriati ce erau..sau radeau ca erau siguri ca nu exista asa ceva? ba eu cred ca exista..dar suntem prea naivi sau avem fiecare metodele proprii de autoaparare, de conservare a psihicului ca sa le mai observam chiar si in zilele de azi la stirile de la ora 5 sau in news alert-urile de pe net. nu radeam, nu ma speriam..dar ce facem? ne calim uitandu-ne la psihopati justitiari care exploateaza inainte de toate teroarea si frica omului pana cand acesta ajunge sa-si taie o mana sau o bucata din burta pentru a mai vedea cateva clipe lumina zilei? in timp ce ma uitam la ecran, aveam din cand in cand momente cand imi imaginam ca in aceeasi clipa in lume se petrec tot felul de orori mai ingrozitoare si mult mai morbide decat cele pline de ketchup si soundtrack-uri scumpe de la cinema; evident ca nu putem sa traim gandindu-ne la altii care mor prin spitale in propria urina pentru ca asistentele sunt de obicei grase si pline de negi si prost platite ca sa mai aiba chef de un mosulet cu parkinson care uita unde e baia; era asa doar o inchipuire…cum ar reactiona lumea daca ar fi invadata mental de astfel de imagini una dupa alta ca imaginile contraindicate celor epileptici. parca seman cu justitiarul ala din saw VI…pe scurt : district 9 mi s-a parut o porcarie…(probabil pentru ca e scris si regizat de acelasi tip) un amestec de thriller datorita armamentului extraterestrilor care by the way aratau ca niste creveti numai buni de pus pe gratar si o comedie care avea ca principal caracter pe-un tip cu accent australiano-britanico-johannesburg-ian, american tipic din reclamele anilor 60 foarte dulcegarosi si naivi deopotriva; halloween 2…sper ca e ultimul; final destination 4 (3D) destul de antrenant datorita dimensiunilor, actiunea destul de previzibila; cosmarul alb, o idee interesanta dar neofertanta din punctul de vedere al efectelor speciale specifice thriller-elor si filmelor horror, totusi cu muzica buna – varese sarabande ; si ultimul saw 6 (am vazut doar 2 din serie, asta fiind ultimul), care mi-a placut prin simplul fapt ca cel mai infricosator dar sanatos vis e acela de a ne face singuri dreptate. tot e bine ca n-am vazut niciun vampir. incredibil!

Chill Out

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the soundtrack, in the Juice-box: Marc Bolan & T-Rex – Laser Love

[Press 'Play' to get the Rock rolling]

Ramblings: A Cold Day In Hell

Final Proof:2½ Shots

Here’s exactly when i knew i was in trouble. Sitting in the front row of the near empty theater as the opening credits started to roll, i was thinking about how the movie wasn’t exactly going to be all that but at least i’d be able to watch Kate Beckinsale for 101 minutes. Right then it hit me like a clump of gushy snow falling off an awning and dripping down the back of my shirt: Kate Beckinsale was going to spend 101 minutes in ANTARCTICA, so the chances of her playing beach volleyball in a bikini were anorexic to none. Doh!

You know how you decide to go to a bar you know is going to suck but you want to go anyway because there’s this really hot girl that’s going to be there? So you get there and the bar smells funny and the people there aren’t really jerks but they’re not just people you’d consider cool? So you settle in and the hot girl shows up, only she’s wearing this huge, baggy sweater, a goofy knit hat and sweat pants. Whiteout was kinda like that.

Whiteout didn’t disappoint: i expected bad. At least it had the decency to be not as bad as i’d feared.

The stuff that wasn’t that bad included Kate Beckinsale’s doing a decent job with what the role of US Marshal Carrie Stetko had to offer. Also, in between the repetitive and repetitive and repetitive flashbacks, the stilted dialogue and disappointing visual effects (is it really that hard to fake snow?), director Dominic Sena was able to squeeze in a couple suspenseful scenes. However, despite some chilling moments, Whiteout left me cold.

Sometimes i gotta wonder if the production staff set out with the goal of ‘just mediocre’. It wasn’t just the lazy directing and writing, either. Gabriel Macht looked like he thought he was filling someone else’s snowshoes in a CSI: Antarctica episode. The story was predictable too, not surprising considering it was based on a graphic novel, but only the novel part made it to the screen. What happened to the graphic?

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: ½ Shot

Like i said in the intro to this review, it was only after i’d sat down that i realized the movie was set in Ant-freaking-arctica so there was no way Kate Beck-on-sale was going to be showing off her wares.

i was kinda wrong, though. Seems even people in the South Pole need to shower at times. Thank god some of them need to do it the very first thing in the movie.

No sooner than the opening credits end, we get Kate disrobing down to this industrial strength sports bra, bending over a little to adjust the water temp, and then getting into the shower. Here Sena offers pretty traditional steamy water Titty Blocking (when an actress is topless but the director hides her boobs through different miss-directing techniques).

After this, there’s nothing remotely sexual that takes place anywhere in the entire movie. There aren’t even any other actresses. Sometimes, however, all you need is one.

What Happens When You Wear Gauze in the Arctic (1)

What Happens When You Wear Gauze in the Arctic (2)

Oh yeah, i almost forgot. It doesn’t really count as ’sex’ for me, but some of y’all might be interested to learn that there’s a brief frontal shot of three men streaking in the snow. Their ‘icicles’ are blurred out and have shrunk down to stubs, but hell, you think Santa and the Jingle Balls shrivel up in cold water, try whipping them out on a polar ice cap.

Drink: ½ Shot

In the intro, we get some white Russians in a cargo plane drinking vodka. As a distraction to open fire, the guy with the gun drops the bottle to make another guy scramble frantically to retrieve it (hey, Russians and vodka, babes). Later in the movie, a pink shirted (’cause he doesn’t really die) black guy takes a fifth off the wreckage and swigs from it before driving off in his snow truck to the initial admonishments of his buddy who warns him it will decrease body temperature before laughing gaily and hitting it himself.

Tom Skerritt’s character, Dr John ‘Doc’ Fury, has a penchant for scotch, which he swallows before a walk into the snow.

Whiteout actually did have something to teach me about alcohol, though. Well, actually, it taught me about arctic ice. See, there’s a scene when revelers pour whiskey on ice and the whiskey looks like it’s boiling. What happens is, ice on the poles has been compressed for millenia (which means a really long time, like how long a church picnic feels when no one’s spiked the lemonade). The air has been super compacted inside the ice, so when you pour warm water–or liquor–over it, the compressed gas escapes (think beer farts on a road trip) and the liquid looks like it’s boiling.

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

In the whiskey sequence i mentioned above, there’s a live band rousing the rabblers to the tune of T-Rex’s “Laser Love”. Apart from that, Whiteout is completely barren of both Rock & Roll music and attitude.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, Chad Hayes and Carey W Hayes

Based on: The graphic novel by Greg Rucka and Steve Lieber

Directed by: Dominic Sena

Starring

Kate Beckinsale – US Marshal Carrie Stetko

Gabriel Macht – Robert Pryce

Tom Skerritt – Dr John ‘Doc’ Fury

Bottom Line

Don’t see it. If you see it just for Kate, leave after she gets out of the shower (less than five minutes in).

AUTHORIZED WINTER WARMER-UPPER

When the mercury drops and snowflakes begin to fall, enjoy a delicious treat certain to keep your mittened hands warm. The Whiteout is a soul-satisfying indulgence; a rich, smooth blend of white chocolate and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies with a touch of light, crisp mint. Let it snow!

October is almost over, and I’ve made 65 hockey wagers so far this year…let’s bring on a few more

New York Rangers and New York Islanders Over 5.5 Loss 3-1 NYI

Montreal and Pittsburgh Over 5.5 Win 6-1 Pitts

San Jose and Los Angeles Over 6 Loss 1-1

Colorado and Calgary Over 5.5 Loss 3-2 Colorado

Favorite video lately:

Seriously though it’s actually better then the original:

Winnipeg Mark

Download clicando na capa abaixo

Antártida: fria, desolada, nada além de gelo e neve por quilômetros sem fim. Carrie Stetko é uma agente federal americana que fez dessa vastidão branca o seu lar, um lugar onde poderia esquecer seu passado e viver em paz.
Isso até alguém cometer um assassinato em sua jurisdição e acabar com toda a tranqüilidade. O assassino pode ser qualquer um dentro do gélido continente. Então, surge a enigmática Lily Sharpe, agente da Inteligência Britânica que quer descobrir o que poderia ser tão importante a ponto de custar a vida de um homem.
Será que essas duas mulheres estão preparadas para os segredos e as traições no centro dessa trama?
A obra apresenta uma trama policial criada e escrita por Greg Rucka (Gotham City contra o Crime) e ilustrada por Steve Lieber (Civil War: Frontline).
Este volume reúne a minissérie em quatro partes publicada originalmente pela Oni Press e que, em breve, chegará às telas numa adaptação para o cinema dirigida por Dominic Sena e estrelada por Kate Beckinsale.

Fonte: Coringa-Files

from AceShowBiz.com

First look into the forthcoming supernatural film “Season of the Witch” has come out in the form of a teaser trailer. Brought forth by IGN, the sneak peek is less than a minute long and mostly centers its attention at some of the film’s cast ensemble, Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman and Claire Foy.

Cage stars as a 14th century crusader who returns home with his comrade and finds their land is left devastated by the Black Plague. As church blames sorcery as the cause of the plague, the two knights are sent on a mission to transport an accused witch to a remote abbey, where monks will perform a ritual in hopes of ending the pestilence.

On the journey troubled by mythically hostile wilderness and fierce contention over the fate of the girl, they are joined by a priest, a grieving knight, an itinerant swindler, and a headstrong youth who can only dream of becoming a knight. But, a horrific discovery at the abbey jeopardizes their pledge to ensure the girl fair treatment and pits them against an inexplicably powerful and destructive force.

“Season of the Witch” has Dominic Sena, the helmer of “Gone in Sixty Seconds” and “Whiteout”, serving behind the lens. Stephen Campbell Moore, Ulrich Thomsen, Stephen Graham and Robert Sheehan are in supporting roles. Lionsgate eyes to distribute this supernatural thriller into theaters across the U.S. on March 19, 2010.

Amazon Specials!

A 14th century knight (Nicolas Cage) transports a girl suspected of being the witch behind the Black Plague to an abbey of monks trained in exorcising demons.
Now usually I can be a bit down on Cage as more often than not he makes some pretty poor choices and bad acting decisions. However, I quite like the look of this teaser, but it only shows a little of the film so it is still too early to tell whether it will be good Cage or bad Cage.

However, the film also stars Ron Perlman (Hellboy) and Stephen Graham (This is England, Public Enemies).

Directed by Dominic Sena (Gone in Sixty Seconds, Swordfish, Whiteout)

The film is out on 19th March 2010. Let me know what you thought of the trailer.

Source: IGN

Whiteout

What a waste of time. Not even the lovely Kate Beckinsale (Charlz, Kate Beckinsale DOES NOT LOOK like Jennie Garth at all) could save this horrible thriller. No plot twists. No nothing. In the words of my colleague CK, the makers might as well have called the movie “White Trash” cos’ that’s just what it was; garbage. Maybe we should have gone for “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” instead.

One minor note; it was good to see Tom Skerritt though. I haven’t seen that guy on screen in years and he’s always been a favourite for some reason (maybe cos’ I watched “Top Gun” a gazillion times as a kid). Avoid this movie please, it’s not worth your RM10 at the cinemas; heck it wasn’t even worth the RM8 we paid to watch it last night.

Rating: 1/2 a Star (out of 5)

Titolo originale: Whiteout

Regia: Dominic Sena

Cast: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Columbus Short, Tom Skerritt, Shawn Doyle, Nicolas Wright, Bashar Rahal, Alexander Bisping, Sean Tucker, Paula Jean Hixson, Julian Cain, Nick Villarin, Gabriel Macht, Alex O’Loughlin, Patrick Sabongui

Distribuzione: Warner Bros Italia, Canada-USA, 2009

Guarda il trailer

Lo sceriffo federale americano Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale) ha sotto la propria giurusdizione l’Antartide e sta concludendo il suo mandato presso la base di ricerca Amundsen-Scott. Tuttavia a pochi giorni dal termine della sua attività,affiancata dal detective dell’ONU Robert Pryce (Gabriel Macht)  si ritroverà ad indagare su uno strano omicidio avvenuto tra i ghiacci, il primo di una lunga serie, ad opera di un killer senza scrupoli deciso a tutto per proteggere segreti rimasti sepolti per anni…

Dominic Sena si ispira alla grafic novel Whiteout- Incubo bianco realizzata da Greg Rucka e Steve Lieber, ma ne fa un prodotto completamente diverso dalla fonte.  Il prodotto finale è un thriller scialbo e prevedibilissimo, in cui l’assassino si intuisce ancora prima che avvenga l’omicidio…

Le uniche note positive sono rappresentate dallo scenario che fa da sfondo alla storia, questa enorme distesa bianca, spazzata da venti fortissimi e da continue tempeste di neve, i cosiddetti Whiteout, temperature che scendono fino a -120 gradi,  che crea un’atmosfera di alterità, di estraneità, e rende la pellicola un minimo interessante; il secondo aspetto positivo è dato dal cast, con Kate Beckinsale sempre a suo agio nei ruoli da “tosta”, Greg Macht protagonista di The Spirit, Columbus Short, protagonista di Stepping-Dalla strada al palcoscenico, e il bravissimo Tom Skerritt, nei panni di Doc, il dottor John Fury, medico della base. Un cast di ottimo livello a servizio di una pellicola che purtroppo fa acqua da tutte le parti.

La pellicola è stata un flop ai botteghini americani e non sembra fare meglio anche qui da noi. Si pensava a questo film come al primo capitolo di una trilogia, ma visti i risultati è quasi sicuro che tale progetto resterà solo sulla carta.

In definitiva una pellicola molto deludente.

Conclusione: Da evitare.

Voto: 4

GPS and the raincoat always handy. Most of the time it was WHITE and WET.

IMDB link  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365929/

IMDB ratings 5.6/10   1,380 votes
Release Date : 11 September 2009 (USA)

Genre : Action | Crime | Drama | Mystery | Thriller

Plot : U.S. Marshal Carrie Stetko tracks a killer in Antarctica, as the sun is about to set for six months.

Direct Download links

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Today is the tailgate and home opener for the Coyotes. As I only have a cute long-sleeve Yotes shirt, I went with the last free tshirt, which is too big but whateves. I’ll wear the white jersey at the game. I can’t wear the long sleeve shirt because it is supposed to be 90 degrees today. Ahhhhhhh, sun, warmth and hockey. What more could a girl ask for??

Anyway… here is what I look like for the game. I even did my hair and make up. haha

I’m really not that vain. I am just a photographer at heart, so I know the more pics you take the better chance you get one you like. I liked all of these. I took more but yah, the rest not so good!
I am sooooo excited for the festivities of the home opener.  There is definitely something in the air today!!

Whiteout (2009)

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rated: R

Walking into this film, I was thinking about a supernatural movie. Some type of monster that supposingly lives in Antartica. And then I went into some research and found out it was based on a comic book. A crime drama it seems. So maybe, a crime drama on the supernatural. Like kills that dont come by very often or just sick rituals. After seeing the trailer, thats exactly how I thought. Could I be so wrong? I guess everybodies guess was as good as mine. Unless they read the comic book. Boy, was I wrong. Kate Beckingsale, a natural beauty tags along Domonic Sena. The guy that brought us the interesting thriller, Gone In Sixty Seconds. So this is it right? Ultimate thriller. With hot girls and cool cars? No, its frat parties in bunkers, snow mobiles, sleds, beer in dry ice, and Kate Beckingsale. Guess which one is better….Its obvious but guess. Despite me walking into the unknown, I kinda felt the film would be a brainwash and somewhat disappointing adaption of some snowy murder case that plays out like every other murder case. So instead of the fountain of youth and originality, its the youth of profound cliches. Despite its clear flaws, you can always hope that this film will end up as cheap fun or a guilty pleasure. Yet a guy whos in retirement comes out of it to do one last case that would probably be the case of his life. Literally.

The murder mystery case comes about in the opening sequence where a plane crashes. Some say incidental, some say foul play. So why not make an investigation. Why not introduce Kate Beckingsale in a shower scene where she tells a guy that shes in the shower. Like the audience is stupid and the characters are deaf. But what seems to trouble me is that she finds all her answers by talking to people. Well not all of the answers but key. That is some intelligent agent. If thats how it works, everybody is a winner. A lot of cliches takes course in this film that sincerly slows the film down. Like a part where she gets chased by a unknown killer, wakes up in her place with a bad dream, bumps into a man, tells him “hows his chin”, and he replys “hit you in the head”. What kind of message does that tell you? Maybe hes the unknown killer. How many times does a film let you on like that. Wether he is or not is not the reason for slowing down. Its the scenerio that sets it up. Your like “what the hell, I’ve seen that before”. And I say, “yes you have”. Does it have to repeat? Most likely. And it seems every agent has some past that blinds their future. As if they are not sure what to do or sometimes halted. Why is that? No monkey off the back equates to complicated scenerio. A large part of the film tries to reveal secrets and often create more mysteries. It doesnt quite solve it all until our hero feels like its the end of the world and everything must be stopped or supposingly earth is in danger. When it really is just her or Antartica but who lives there.

The probability of seeing this film as CSI: Antartica is probably the correct answer. Just a bigger budget and its one long episode. Where everything is scientific and past events conclude to embodiments of truth and self conscience. Is it worth ones while? I highly doubt it. Its highly boring for the first hour until it turns out into nonstop fistfights. Where Kate becomes Selene and just topples every enemy in her path. Just no guns, only pickaxes. So my idea of the supernatural seems quite false and I feel incredibly dumb thinking so. Maybe the trailer shouldnt had made that eerie noise every time someone falls into a pit. Then again, the film industry is a lie.

When you can see the different twist coming and the plot seems predictable, your kinda hoping that someone gets naked soon. Otherwise, why should I bother. Kate…anything? There are no penquins, no sealions, no polar bears, only the snow that has more screen presence then the cast. Then you think to yourself, “boy did I waste 12 dollars” and such a response is natural. There is a little hope in the end, and then it shoots you down with a spear gun and drags you across the icy field until the whiteout shadows your every thought and is no longer relevant. Maybe the Whiteout forced Domonic to be blinded. In the end, he just crams together crap while resolving with the novel or book. It doesnt even matter now. Because the movie sucks.

Other then Snow and Kate, nothing really comes to life. Just crap and flashbacks. Does that soothes anyone or interest anyone? No, it doesnt. Yet it keeps happening. A lesson is learned. No one can say what it is nor teach it. Its just shown. Only way to pick yourself up is to do a remake and maybe some nudity in the shower with Kate. Or why not remove the cliches and stop using the special moments of “us being friends”. It really is getting old. One thing I did like, the soundtrack and how the guy who was behind everything does a major sacrafice and the film ends. Maybe thats two things. But then again, who cares now.

Never does Whiteout exceeds its setting nor is the premise all that exciting, it just disappoints.

.5/5

Written By: Xou Xiong

Haz click en la imagen para verla al detalle

Este pasado mes de septiembre, se estrenó en salas nacionales la cinta Terror en la Antártida, la cual tuvo una muy buena recepción entre los espectadores. Para todos aquellos que realmente disfrutaron de la misma, les tenemos algunas entrevistas con los miembros de elenco, además de un clip extra de la película. Aquí vemos como una trama bastante común dentro del género policiaco, viene a convertirse en algo completamente nuevo agregándole una metatrama. Si aún no la has visto, aún estás a tiempo.

Haz click en la imagen para ver el video

Haz click en la imagen para ver el video

Haz click en la imagen para ver el video

Las cosas están por ponerse aún más peligrosas para la Jefa de Policía norteamericana Carrie Stetko.  Ella es la única representante de la ley en ese territorio inclemente.  Fue enviada allí recientemente, para que investigara un cuerpo encontrado en el hielo.  El primer homicidio en la Antártida.  Ese descubrimiento, ya de por sí espantoso, la sumergirá en extraños misterios y encontrará secretos escondidos desde hace mucho tiempo entre la vastedad de los hielos… allí hay alguien que piensa que vale la pena matar para que esos secretos, permanezcan siendo secretos.

Stetko se apura para encontrar al asesino antes que él la encuentre a ella.  El invierno se acerca, y con él la mortal noche antártica.  Si eso pasa, ella no podrá verlo hasta que esté a un suspiro de distancia de ella.

Warner Bros. Pictures en sociedad con Dark Castle Entertainment, presentan una película de Dominic Sena: el policial de acción “Terror en la Antártida”, protagonizado por Kate Beckinsale (“Underworld”), Gabriel Macht (“The Spirit”), Columbus Short (“Stomp the Yard”) y Tom Skerritt (“Contact”).  El filme estuvo dirigido por Dominic Sena (“Swordfish”), a partir de un guión de Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber, y Chad Hayes & Carey W. Hayes, basado en la novela gráfica de Greg Rucka y Steve Lieber, publicada por Oni Press.

“Terror en la Antártida” fue producida por Joel Silver, Susan Downey y David Gambino.   Los productores ejecutivos fueron Steve Richards, Don Carmody y Greg Rucka.   Los co-productores fueron Richard Mirisch y Adam Kuhn.   El equipo creativo estuvo formado por: el director de fotografía Chris Soos, el supervisor de montaje Stuart Baird, el editor Martin Hunter, y el diseñador de producción Graham “Grace” Walker.   Las diseñadoras de vestuario fueron Wendy Partridge y Nicoletta Massone.   Música de John Frizzell.

“Terror en la Antártida” será distribuída por Warner Bros. Pictures, una compañía de entretenimiento Warner Bros.

“O novo filme de Beckinsale e frio como o gelo da Antártida”

Jeito estranho de começar uma crítica não?, mas depois de vê-lo não soube se tinha muito o que comentar a respeito se não simplesmente chamá-lo de ridículo. O diretor já não e dos melhores (Dominic Sena), cujo melhor filme no currículo é o mediano Swordfish – A senha com Hugh Jackman e John Travolta. Agora, pegue um diretor mediano, um elenco meia boca de filmes de ação, roteiristas iniciantes (não de forma geral) e faça-os caçar (antes fosse) investigar um assassino na antártida. numa boa – resultado bom disso não sai. Antes mesmo do meio do filme o sono impera, não fosse a primeira e barulhenta luta de Kate contra o tal assassino, eu não teria mas acordado para ver o resto. Tisk Tisk.

Se tem alguma qualidade a ser elogiada são as locações realizadas no Canadá que realmente, fazem bonito representando a antártida, 100% convincente – bom se isso fosse motivo para levar pessoas ao cinema estaria no mínimo aceitável.

Os roteiristas demonstram total falta de criatividade aqui, nem mesmo pensaram em criar pequenas cenas que despertassem no mínimo uma certa curiosidade. Nem mesmo no final do filme capricharam, a revelação do tal assassino do gelo não é tão ridícula, mas e fraquíssima – e o individuo ainda da uma de ‘Caçadores de Emoção’ em seu último ato – Egh.

No roteiro vem incluso flashbacks que mostram o trauma passado e consequentemente os motivos que levaram a detetive ‘Carrie’ a antártida, talvez uma faixada para abranger os detalhes do filme, ou simplesmente um ato desesperado para desenvolver a pobre personalidade de sua principal. E me pergunto também, como Kate quis parecer uma detetive se ficava a todo momento fazendo pose de modelo? puf.

Alguns tarados vão ate gostar da cena de Kate se inclinando de calcinha para ligar o chuveiro – agora te pergunto, pra que? se o filme quisesse mesmo se levar a sério não iria incluir tal cena desnecessária e claramente apelativa — e se eu dissesse que a cena nem chega a excitar? vai me chamar de viado? – Bah. Dane-se – Filme horrível.

Ficha do filme com informações, trailers, críticas, curiosidades e etc : www.xcine.com.br/filme_terrornaantartida.html

Here’s a quick rundown of some movies we’ve seen lately.

Whiteout: This one did not get a lot of hype and the trailers mislead one into thinking this is some sort of supernatural thriller when that is not in fact the case. This is a straightforward murder mystery type thriller that is good not great. Some gripes with the movie: horrific use of flashback, there is a moment in the movie when we are treated to a flashback of something that we saw on screen not twenty seconds earlier. The flashbacks to Beckinsale’s generic traumatic cop incident that explains her new office in the South Pole are ham-fisted to say the least. Every flashback should have been left on the editing room floor and the film would be better for it. The last thirty minutes or so are exciting (as we’re finally done flashing back to irrelevant events and can move forward with the narrative in front of us) and the movie concludes adequately and satisfyingly (sic). Though, and this point is hard to describe so bear with me, this movie does not feel like a major motion picture. It lacks the grandiose that we have come to expect from cinema, and while I would probably be roasting this movie had it abandoned any basis in reality and tried to be more grandiose there is just something missing here. The plot seems like it would fit better as an hour long CSI or something and doesn’t feel like it deserves an hour and a half and a big screen.  This isn’t a bad rental but no need to rush out for this one.

Ga(y)mer: Don’t see this movie. It only forwards the idea that shaky/seizure/Parkinson’s cam is an acceptable way to make a movie. My thoughts on this movie in incomplete sentences: Gerard Butler is awesome, Michael C. Hall is really awesome, Ludacris can’t act to save his life, the second life scenes in the movie are actually very enjoyable, the director (or plural in this case) suck and overall this movie is lame because the script is stupid.

Here is a scene from this movie that took me very much by surprise and was easily the best part of the movie (sorry for the crappy quality of the bootleg cinematography and sound)

Very cool stuff there. Oh, and when I saw the poster for this one it reminded me of a certain classic horror flick and below I’ve adjusted the poster so the subtle reference to this movie is a little more obvious.

Zombie baby from Dead Alive!!

Jennifer’s Body: While it certainly is not a terrible movie it is definitely not a very good movie. The premise was good, the acting was fine, but the problems for me lay in the script and “horror” aspects of the movie. The Diablo Cody penned script reminds me why I can’t stand Juno and Ellen Page and shame on me for thinking this would somehow be different and better simply because Megan Fox is so hot. The sassy pop culture references stick out like a sore thumb and had me rolling my eyes rather than laughing. It sounds fake because everyone speaks the same way, it would be better or at least not as distracting if only one character talked like this but when everyone talks like Diablo Cody it doesn’t allow the characters to stand out as having their own personalities or make us in any way care for them or miss them after they’re murdered. And I was personally offended by the minuscule amounts of gore and the boring and sparse killings and the total lack of nudity. I am a man! I demand blood! I demand fake breasts! I demand double digit kills! I received none of this. I do not like the trend in movies towards making these contrived horror comedies because what happens is they tend to do neither very well and the movie is unsure of itself and just kind of flip flops between “comedy” and poorly executed (no pun intended) death scenes (I’m looking at you Sorority Row, which I will not even do the service of swiftly reviewing).

This scene was inexplicably cut from the final movie, I knew immediately a woman was helming this film and she wasn't a lesbian and the movie was in deep doodoo.