In these ultra-stressful times, toxic bosses are on the rise. Whether screamers or never-satisfied micromanagers, they can poison entire organizations, because toxic emotions are contagious. When our toxic boss goes on a rampage, we become anxious, negative, and destructive. We then spread dissonance to the people looking to us for inspiration and guidance.

To stop the madness, don’t take your toxic boss’s attacks personally. Remind yourself that his anger, meanness, or cynicism is about him, not you. And check your (natural) desire to sabotage his work or otherwise get revenge. If you give in to such urges, you’ll perpetuate the problem. Instead, tap into your personal power and resilience — you know your talent and your value, so focus on delivering work that makes you proud.

As a colleague once said to me, cream always rises to the top. And you are the cream!

Not quite the last blog for the year depending on how next week goes but last this side of Christmas.  It’s that time of year to reflect, think about what we have been through in the last year, probably one of the toughest we have ever experienced in the recruitment industry.  But, as ever we need to look forward next year and what 2010 may or may not bring us.  That got me thinking. 

Not many people know that as well as running a recruitment business and being a regional director for the IRP (www.rec-irp.uk.com) I am also a business coach.  My outsourcing background with a focus on business development has given me the opportunity to work with a number of successful, high growth businesses and provide them with an external viewpoint, typically providing some coaching, structure and process with a little p.

Many of us start to look at our businesses as we do our lives and come up with some resolutions that will change or improve our lives along the lose some weight or do more marketing lines.  Maybe I’m speaking from personal experience but many resolutions get forgotten about by February.

So with that in mind here are my top 5 hints that can help you make the some of those resolutions useful, real and part of your daily work routine.  Time spent doing this properly could be time well spent in the future.

1.Take some time

We all have busy lives and our good intentions to set some time aside to plan, think and really think about our goals are forgotten about.  It’s a tough call, often we are immersed in the here and now, I know if I have a recruitment assignment on then I will always put that first ahead of any planning time.  But as ever it is time well spent, you will get the benefits later in the year.

So this time round, take some proper time out, on your own to read, write and plan what is really important to you and your business this year.  Find somewhere that does ‘it’ for you.  But make sure It is time set aside only for this task nothing else, no email, no distraction, plan like you have never planned before.

2. Get perspective 

Planning for the next 10 minutes is easy but if I ask you what December looks like and it won’t be so easy.  So pace yourself and spread your plans across the year so that you don’t try and bite off more than you can chew in one go.  List out goals for the business, cover them all, marketing, sales, people, delivery etc. think about every aspect and the improvements or developments you are going to make in 2010.

3. Get your resolutions documented

We have all read the research, we all know that we need to document our plans to make them a reality, to embed them in our heads.  If you don’t write them down, they will not become real.  They will not be delivered.

Next step get your plans into your daily life.  I run with a day book, outlook and some scraps of paper, all of which will need my resolutions in there, so that I don’t lose track of what you started to do.

So document and then get them in your daily lives.

4. Review

Don’t forget to review on a regular basis and make sure that your resolutions stand the test of time.  Don’t be scared if they don’t, tweak the goal and achieve that.  There is no shame in lowering your sights in June when you think it is time to do so or circumstances, markets or clients have changed.

5. Tell people what you are doing

As part of my business coaching I help organisations create a ‘picture’ of what their business will look like in 3 years and the milestones that will make sure they keep on track.  Then I get the organisations to share these pictures with their teams, clients and stakeholders.  Tell someone what your resolutions are, give them your plan – if it will help email me your plan at martin.dangerfield@mckinleyresource.com and I will email you to nudge you to review your plan later in the year. 

By sharing you will force yourself to do some of the things on your list.  It will help me one of my resolutions to keep in touch with more people outside of my typical sphere.

So help me to help you, to help me.

2010 is going to be another tough year, I believe we are out of the worst of it but it is by no means a done deal yet.  If you want my help with your resolutions or helping you create a 3 year vision then contact me,  Martin Dangerfield on 0161 955 3647 or email martin.dangerfield@mckinleyresource.com.  Business coaching starts at £60 per hour in the North West £70 per hour in the rest of the UK no charge for emails though so get writing!

About Martin Dangerfield

As well as being a Regional Director for the IRP, Martin is Director of the innovative search business mckinley|resource, a freelance people consultant specialising in talent attraction, assessment and recruitment and a provider of business coaching for high growth entrepreneurial organisations.  Search for ‘People Consultant’ or go straight to www.martindangerfield.com

Today is funny… not funny good or funny bad– but just funny.  I went to bed a bit before 1am last night, and woke up around 4am in a really bad night sweat, only to realize that I had a fever and that it took all of the energy my recent sleep had collected, to sit myself up.  I had some water, and couldn’t really hold my body up much more, so I let myself sink back into bed.  A few hours later I woke up to a nightmare which I now only vaguely remember… but it had something to do with my new apartment and my relatives who live in the USA.  It was, to say the least, a nonsense dream.
I then decided that, although I hadn’t slept to my goal hour in the morning, I would just lounge about in bed until then.  As I rolled over to check my emails I saw another (of a recent series) cold, daunting email from my ex.  I finally picked myself back up to write an upset email back to him, went outside for some fresh air, and told myself that I am better than this.  I came back inside, tried to distract myself by reading what I thought was a book of humor, but it turns out, only some of the quotes are humorous! I showered, made myself some food (first time using the stove here!!! It was awesome! Heated up really fast and everything!), and sat down to work.  And as I began, I heard a loud explosion, and looked out the window to see a very fat cat sitting on my window sill.  It was bizarre.  I have yet to understand what the explosion was, and I believe the fat cat belongs to my landlord.  Anyway, what relates my morning to my thyroid is that with every step of this morning, my neck has had a different pain.  It’s bizarre.  Not to mention my body’s neutrophils being super pissed off at the radiation and giving me these fevers and weakness.

I’m heading off to Hamburg tomorrow, so I suspect this might be my last post before the Thyoliday Blues and Truths post on the 28th!

Stay tuned!

Exactly 3 Months Post-Op

Also, I noticed that that little speck next to my scar, on the right hand side on the picture, is actually where the end of my stitches is… it’s where there was a wee thinger hanging out while the tape was on it… and probably the reason for my thyknife!  Anyway, just an observation!

I did a lot of thinking this year, maybe not enough doing, but thinking for sure. Thinking about what I really have passion for, who I really am, why does my chest tighten when I pick my child up from school, why doesn’t Bella stop playing Jacob and just tell him she’s not that into him already. You know, some important stuff and some fluff.

And when I start thinking about passion, somehow my thoughts always go to money. As in, wow, I would really love to write a book, but could I make one that would sell a million copies and make me a millionaire? Or I love playing the violin but will I ever be good enough to make money at it? Or how about this one – I love crafting (sewing, making jewelry, papercraft) and I am constantly wondering what crafty business I can launch on etsy to make money.

This thought process comes from my current employment sitch, which is grey, monotonous and overbearing. But it also has had a very shiny pair of golden handcuffs clasped tightly around my wrists. Until I found out that they are closing the site I work at. Which means that those shiny, distracting handcuffs are now disappearing before my eyes. And now I feel like I get to dream. Dream about my passion.

Dreaming about my passion with a new seriousness makes me take each idea down the path even further. And each one tends to peter out before I hit it big. Because of the stress and pressure involved. Because making 1000 baby blankets does not seem fun. At. All. So I’ve been asking myself, what’s my intention with this passion? Because passion does not always equate with wealth. And wealth doesn’t always equate to happiness. So instead of chasing the money, maybe I should chase my intention.

My intention for playing the violin is to have a musical and creative outlet.

My intention for writing is for me and others to enjoy my stories.

My intention for crafting is to make beautiful things that I and others get joy from.

My intention for speaking french is to be fluent in preparation for my future of living there for a month.

My word of 2009 is INTENTION.

Some days when you see a pretty smile, your heart smiles quietly. The 3 big things in life are very much dedicated from the relationship between you and others and also you and God. Recently I read Jenna Lucado’s “Redefining {beau.ti.ful}” observing not the classic relationship between a daughter and her mother. But instead it realizes the lovely relationship of a daughter and her daddy. Things to look at; how she looks at herself, how she look at others and how she looks at God are some of the things taught in the book. It makes you realize the essentials of life. Not just the latest gadgets, fashion wear or billboard music. People can influence you in many different ways; good or bad, we’re affected either way. It is good to trace back the purity of our origin; like our culture or even a simple Q: Where was your grandfather from? Have you ever wonder where all your past generations were? How did you arrive where you are now? Lately, I’ve  learnt so much about my ancestors and to tell you the truth, it took me a long ride into the past.

One quick question, do you…?

a)      “No, thanks.” What’s the point? They won’t like me anyway. Just try hard to impress them.

b)      “I’m okay with anything…” I’m a people pleaser, I’d rather avoid any conflict to gain more friends.

c)       “F” Nooooooo…. I have a failure-phobia.

d)      “Try this on… Go on..” Do I look good in this? Hmmmm…

I’m a little of everything. I know this may be a little unfair, but I really do try hard sometimes to please others so they’d like me. But there are times I’d just say a big “O.K” when they ask me “Is it okay if I get a ride from you?” Although it might seem a bit rude to say no, but that’s what friends are for. Who is not scared of seeing the big “F”? Definitely it is one of the most influential satisfaction that you have willingly set out to achieve. It may be as little as throwing a crunched paper into the bin to passing your final exam that determines your career and life. Finally, looks is a very sensitive area. Having to go through the many yo-yo diets and the ups and downs when stepping onto the scales, there were many quiet screams (and swearing) when I see the gained kgs/lbs. Being adventurous in food has its pros and cons. Experiences are treasures of the past and memories for the future.

Reading over my post from yesterday, I realized that I was so worried about Having Something To Say that I don’t sound like MYSELF. I wanted to make a good first impression, never mind that most people reading this have been reading my journaling for awhile now, and I didn’t say all I wanted to say in the way I would normally have said it.

For example, I didn’t really talk about how I missed an opportunity to meet some potentially cool people and have at the very least an interesting story. I had nothing to lose by asking a Santa what was going on and tagging along for a bit. I am really going to make an effort to be open to those sorts of weird opportunities to meet people and try something new. You never know where I might meet the man I’m supposed to marry. …I don’t REALLY think I would have met him somewhere where everyone was dressed as Santa, but you know what, I made out with Homestar Runner once, so anything is possible!

And I have been given this really amazing opportunity to be who I want to be, whoever that is. I don’t have to be what people expect me to be. I can be the girl who hangs out with Santas and has adventures by herself and who has an amazing relationship with God and has sex and swears and drinks. I am in a place where no one knows my history, which is good and bad. I miss the people who know me so well we don’t have to speak, but it’s cool not to have any baggage or expectations. I just need to be true to myself and not so worried about making friends or fitting in that I lose that.

Who are you? What are you?

Silly questions? Maybe not. I know who my “dream self” is – and what she does. And then there’s reality. So, when asked who you are or what you are, how do you answer? Is your response automatic and factual, or does it come from a place of self-examination?

Vital statistics

If a stranger asks me who I am as I register at a conference, I provide vital statistics at a general level – my name and where I’m from, to situate me. If I’m speed dating, my answer is very different – still providing vital statistics (probably fudging a few), and adding some descriptive information that eases into the “what do you do” realm.

Often, we state who we are to provide context through relationship to someone else. I attended a school function last weekend and a woman said to me “Tell me who you are – you look familiar.” It turns out our kids had played together years ago. We then pointed to our teens and she quickly became “her mom” and I was “his mom.” From that context and relationship, our conversation grew.

What do you do?

These days, I’m busy writing, busy with my son, and money is tight. While I’m “working” (at writing, looking for work, and mothering), I’m not paid for these tasks though they consume 16 hours of each day of the week. So, going out and being asked what I do isn’t on the agenda, particularly since the assumption is “what do you do for a living.” At the moment, that’s an uncomfortable question. Still, when I do socialize, I have appropriate answers all of which are true, that I spin for the situation and audience.

The real challenge: issues of self identity and self esteem that sit at the base of “who are you and what do you do.” They derive from how we spend our time, what is valued in our culture, and whether or not we’re paid for it. 

When asked what I do (or “what I am”) I say I’m a writer and a mother. Sometimes I just say I’m a writer; other times, it’s full-time mom. It depends on the situation. And both are true, whether I’m paid or not. But we live in a culture where pay equates to value, and I still struggle with the fact that two jobs I love – and pursue – are not valued in our culture. A whole other discussion, I know.

Self identity, self awareness

The “who are you” and “what do you do” questions dovetail, but more often than not, they bleed into each other. It’s problematic. While you aren’t what you do is true for most, it’s not exactly the case for me. If asked who I am or what I do, my answer is the same, just edited or elaborated as needed.  

My identity and my life are both about learning and creating. Writing and mothering. So I am what I do. But I’m also more than that. I’m a woman, a giver, a friend, a lover of art, a marketer, a teacher, an introvert, an extrovert, a lover of language, an occasional source of entertainment (for my kids), and yes, it’s a partial list. At the very least, I should include some French shoes!

Dreams, identity, introspection

Some of us look inward more than others. I admit, I do it on a regular basis. It helps me adapt to my changing world, and it’s my nature. I’ve always lived in my head, more than a little. And I like there!

When I periodically contemplate who I am, it’s generally because I sense I need to reassess, and change. It has to do with attitudes, behaviors, personality, belief systems – as well as circumstances external to my inner world that require a shift. Parenting teens requires this kind of shift, repeatedly. The more independent they become, the more we need to take a stance of loving distance.

So, I wander through the threads of self. I feel my way along those I want to tighten, patch, rip out, or replace altogether. These are discussions in my head – me, myself and I – so I may find a self I can live with. That self is a woman of dreams, of capacity, and competence – whatever my bank account may say to the contrary. She is also having to come to grips with getting a bit older, and what that means to the “who I am” and “what I do,” in all arenas.

Who are you? What are you?

• Are you defined as a “self” first, and what does it include?
• Are you defined as someone’s spouse, child, or parent?
• Do you feel apologetic or uncomfortable when asked what you do?
• Are you introspective? Do you reassess from time to time, to shift who you are?

A last note on identity

Some of you know I’ve been working on migrating to a dot com, and for those who have so kindly assisted, I thank you. If you visit Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy you will see that almost everything is moved in (hooray). I have some tidying up to do here at WordPress (a redirect in the next day or two – fingers crossed). I hope for no noticeable interruption, and anticipate writing from the new address later this week.

If you stop by this address as usual, the redirect should pop you over to my new place. Otherwise, please plan on finding Big Little Wolf at Daily Plate of Crazy just with a new dot com address. As if I scooted all my belongings next door! If I’m in your blogroll (thank you), if you wouldn’t mind putting in the new address late this week, that would be delightful. (I’ll also drop an email – sort of like a change of address card.)

Meanwhile, thank you – for reading and discussing, and being part of who I am and what I do -  learning and creating.


© D A Wolf

“A calling is a deep sense that your very being is implicated in what you do. You feel that you fit into the scheme of things when you do this particular work.  You have a sense of purpose and completion in the work. It defines you and give you an essential tranquility.  The work that provides such a deep reward may change over time, and you may go through several periods in your life defined by different work. Toward the end of your life you may see all the jobs you have done as fateful, composing your life work and answering your calling.”

Thomas Moore in A Life at Work: The Joy of Discovering What You Were Born to Do

I don’t know about you, but early in my career, I thought it was all about the work you do, and wasn’t necessarily as concerned about the reputation I presented, or my personal brand as we refer to it today.  I have since learned that how to make a more positive impression and elicit more cooperation from others by being less dogmatic, opinionated, hard-headed, and dominant.  Yes, I can still be this way, but I have learned how to partner, collaborate and share more than ever; with more accomplishments and happiness to show for it!

Some early career mistakes — such as believing or over overemphasizing technical proficiency at the expense of strategy or people while assuming one has already learned everything needed to get ahead at work — are just some of the many ways in which people unwittingly sabotage their career success. While we can all rebound from this, others may not be so lucky.

Some helpful hints:

1. Know Yourself – be self aware
2. Accept Criticism – you can accept it, reject it or ignore it after
3. Keep Learning – for life
4. Speak Up – no wallflowers here
5. Move on – get out if need be

If you would like my support in enjoying your career, removing sabotaging behaviors, and finding more satisfaction in your workplace, let me know! Anissa

Who’s playing? – the Proxy (live), supported by Bad Weather VS Kit Pop, Rekab, Le Gab live
Who’s idea was this? Knowledge Music
Where? – Shape
It all starts at… – 9pm – 3am
How much? – $25+ BF (presale $20)
How do you get in on this? – shapebar.com.au
Who’s going to be there? – people dripping in sweat, with their minds blown by sheer awesome
You’d like it if you were… sober, drunk, high

Heads Will Roll says…

When the Perth Summadayze line up was announced the biggest omission was that of Russian noise extraordinaire, the Proxy. At the Heads Will Roll offices we sat around crying into our vodka singing “По-русски почему сусло мы пропускает вне”, dreaming of what could have been. Alas the misery would be as short lived as the moment of calm at the beginning of the Proxy’s latest banger Who Are You?, as the great folks at Knowledge Music have managed to bribe the Turbo gods and commandeer the Proxy for a night of extreme sounds. Don’t plan on being capable of working the next day; this one is going to be massive and definitely worth being fired for!

Another Guy says… you have 40 seconds to comply!

Purchase tickets here
Perth Facebook event page

Read an interview with the Proxy on Dazed

http://www.myspace.com/useproxy

http://www.turborecordings.com/

Well, I’ve decided that since my blog has had over a couple thousand hits in the past month and a half, I ask out of pure curiosity, who are you?  Feel free to either comment on this post or email me (hungryfortsh@gmail.com)– ask me questions, tell me about yourself, rant about your thyroid condition!  Tell me what you like about the blog, what could be improved on, and what you’d like to see in the future!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Today, for the first time in weeks, I was able to reduce the Ibuprofen by 2 pills!  My liver is beyond delighted!  I can’t really notice a difference in the swelling from subtracting 2 pills from my daily regiment, so I am hoping to get it further and further down.  Although the swelling is going down, there is some new thing hanging out right below my scar on the left side of my neck… I named it Thyknife, and it, as its name offers, feels like one of those slim pumpkin cutting knives has been wedged into my neck and is occasionally wriggled and tugged at.  I took a picture just for reference- but Thyknife doesn’t look ANYWHERE near as menacing as it actually feels.

Thyknife

Well, I’m off to pick a fight with that ‘lil mofo!  More later.

This is not the first blog I’ve started. I’m sure it won’t be the last either. I am a lady of many facets. I can’t really describe myself because as soon as I do, I’m bored with that and move on to something else that “I am”. Whatevs, that’s just me, SaritesPagites or @SaritaPagita

Things I love and will prob post about a lot?

Twilight. And no, I’m not 15. There is no shame in loving a series of books meant for tweens. However, I will not be using my real name on this blog in case someone I know in RL reads this.

FanFiction (see Twilight above). I love Twilight being twisted into new stories, but I tend to read ones that have Edward and Bella as the main focus and they have to be all human. Please feel free to rec me some if you have some good ones. I will be sure to post my faves.

Girlie, Frenchy stuff. I’m a sucker for it. I love it. That is all.

Celeb rants. I have opinions about celebs and I will share them with you grasshopper.

Aspirations. Yoga teacher, vegetable gardener, violinist, perfection.

Being a mom, wife, working woman, etc…maybe. We’ll see.

Annnnnd scene.

Complacency–comfort with the status quo–can destroy a change initiative.

How to identify complacency?

By asking some of the following questions:

• Are highly selective facts used to shoot down data suggesting your firm’s in big trouble?
• Do people bring up past failures to stall new initiatives rather than to learn?
• Do people say “We must act now!” but then don’t do anything?
• Do cynical jokes pervade important discussions?
• Are assignments around critical issues frequently completed late or sloppily?
• Do people regularly blame others for the company’s problems?

If you answered yes to these questions, your company is suffering from complacency that needs eradication–stat!  Let me know how I can help! Anissa

(excerpted from Harvard Business Review)

Leaders who live with power stress — chronic, intense pressure resulting from responsibilities, crises and demands — can easily slip into what is known as “the sacrifice syndrome.” Simply put, we burn up, burn out, and lose our effectiveness.

We know from neuroscience and psychology that when people experience chronic stress, cognitive functioning is diminished and we get sick more often. We lose sight of the big picture and make bad decisions. Our self-awareness dwindles, empathy is in short supply, and self management is compromised. We lose the emotional and social competencies that enable us to be successful leaders.

Paradoxically, the best leaders are most susceptible to the sacrifice syndrome. Why? Because we take our responsibilities seriously. We care. We strive. We try harder. What about you? Are you a bit on the edge, ready to slip into behaviors you know won’t work?

There is plenty that you can do about it. But first, you have to get over the fantasy that a nice summer vacation is going to fix everything. It isn’t. You are walking back into the 24/7 environment. The same pressures are there. They’re not going away.

Next: admit it. You aren’t a superhero and you never will be. Sure, you’re strong, resilient and clever. Good. Capitalize on these gifts. But you need to do more. You need to interrupt the sacrifice syndrome with real renewal. You have to build regular practices into daily life that spark psychological and physical renewal. It’s as important as eating, sleeping and breathing. Here’s how to start:

1. Listen to life’s quiet wake-up calls. Perhaps your wake-up calls aren’t as dramatic as some I’ve seen–the broken marriages, plateaued careers. But maybe you don’t laugh as much as you used to, you’ve quit going to the gym or don’t do things you enjoy most. Listen! Make course adjustments now.

2. Practice mindfulness. Pay attention to your mind, body, heart and spirit. This doesn’t happen by accident. Most of us need to develop and then practice the art of reflection. Try finding a few minutes of quiet time alone each day, even if it’s just five minutes before getting up in the morning, walking from the train to work, or a quiet moment in the park.

3. Find hope. Hope is a powerful force. On a neurological level, it actually helps us to counter the negative effects of life’s pressures and burdens. Hope–an image of a positive and feasible future–inspires us to dig deep down, to find the strength to move in the direction of our dreams. So imagine your life in ten years: what will you be doing? Who’s sharing your life? What will capture your passion?

4. Practice Compassion. Focus on the needs and desires of the people around you. Act on what you see–do something to support others achieving their goals. Make someone’s day better. Like hope, compassion engages positive emotions, which in turn engage renewal.

Change starts with you. And when linked to a meaningful outcome, change can be exciting and fun. Start small. Start today. But start. It will be worth it!! Anissa

adapted from http://conversationstarter.hbsp.com/2008/09/four_steps_to_beat_back_the_pr.html?cm_mmc=npv-_-WEEKLY_HOTLIST-_-SEPT_2008-_-HOTLIST0904

Have you ever asked yourself “Am I doing what God has called me to do? What is it that God really wants me to do with my life?  Am I where God wants me to be? What do I really want to be when I grow up?”  So many of today’s “successful” people say, you have to have GOALS, or you can’t get to where you want to be.  You have to develop a plan for your life.  Well, I have almost driven myself crazy trying to develop my plan for my life . . . trying to set a goal for what I want in life … what I want to be when I grow up…and oh my goodness, I look around and think I am almost grown up (by the way I have my own teenage children who are almost adults) and yet I still don’t have my plan down…I am not even sure what I want to do with my life.  I change sometimes from day to day.  I think of a new great idea for success every other day.  But what is the right one for me…which one fits for my life?   What am I good at, and what do I truly enjoy? What blesses others, and, most importantly — which idea or plan is blessing God?  Oh — but I can’t stop at that… the even bigger question (at least in my mind) comes up… which one of these great ideas or plans is going to pay my bills?  Can I do what I want, like, and even enjoy, and still continue my responsibilities at home (to my family)?

Yes!  IF your goal is GOD! What God has shown me through my search for this answer is that, it is the process of getting to the goal that is the goal. It is the daily lives we lead. It is getting up each day with a smile on your face and in your heart that pleases God and is the first step in our daily journey toward our ultimate goal.  Through time spent worshiping, reading God’s word, enjoying and discovering a rich relationship with God our Father and Creator, we will discover our life’s ultimate purpose.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? So do not worry, saying,’What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:25,31,33-34

Well….that sounds easy enough… yeah, right!  Easier said than done!  If you have one ‘driven’ bone in your body, then it’s not so easy to just sit back and enjoy the ride and wait for God to develop this plan called life.  You want to steer, you want to decide where the destination will be, when it will begin, and when you will arrive.  That’s where the frustration begins… because you cannot do those things and obtain true happiness.  You must let God be in control of the destination, as well as the roads that He has chosen to get you there.  Am I saying you should not have goals? No, but we must understand that God is in control and that daily he is leading us to His ultimate purpose, —  and if for some reason our life takes a turn in a direction that was not in our “plan,” it is ok to change our “plan” or our “goal” for our own life. It’s ok if your goal is not accomplished tomorrow, or even next year.  It’s ok if you decide that maybe that dream that you worked for all your life so far is not it, that job that you have worked for ten years is not it, or that degree that you obtained in college is not IT.  “IT” just is not who you want to be when you grow up.  What God has shown me is that it is not “my goal” and not “my plan” to develop….it’s His goal and His plan.  As long as you know that when you grow up you will be serving the Great I AM….then you have reached the goal, and the plan for getting there is in His hands.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed”.  Prov 16:3 (author: C. Isaac)

Who are you?
Why are you talking to me?
Why now?
Here we just say good morning to the neighbours
and beyond that no one speaks.
No-one looks at another’s pain

No-one cares or ruins their day for someone who’s hurting.
You look sweet… .. now I remember!
It’s a few days ago now..
“Oh my sweet springtime my sweetest son.”
It is possible! No! No! Why are you talking to me?

Why now? Who are you anyway?
Suddenly a torrent arises within me
What crying is that!
I’m riven with tears..

Perhaps it’s your words, the image formed in my mind of you.
I do not know.

I just know that the deluge took everything away
Stirred everything up
brought old recollections and memories old and more.

These hurt me, bringing tears again and again
And me, a Child of God too! Doing something wrong!
My life is not good

And then You turn up and I wonder why you are talking to me and why now?
Oh mother, tell me who this is, you might know him.
Come father and talk to me tell me who He is.

An angel perhaps, is a lie!
I’m tired, fed up of this earth so false
So much love, so much light, so much hope,
I have never seen this in my home.
Oh Christ, I’ve opened to You!

You are here! How and why I do not know!

I thank you truly for all your gifts!

(F r. Andreas Themistocleous translated from the original Greek)

Unsere Augen treffen sich
und schon zerfällst Du zu
Scheinen

zu einem roten Cabrio, zu
einem schicken Anzug, zu
einem modernen Laptop

Dein Mund öffnet sich und
ich höre nur Regeln, nur
Zitate von Texten auf Papieren
mit Unterschriften abgesegnet

Es klingt so lächerlich wenn
du das Wort “Ich” aussprichst

Erzähl mir von dir, sage ich,
Und du erzählst mir von deiner
Frau

Glühende Drahtsonnen in der Nacht
scheinen durch nasse Betonwälder
Jede Menge Gnaw Ladys stolzieren
durch das Unterholz der Seitengassen

Was ist es, was sie verschieden macht?
Sie alle nennen sich selbst “Ich”, wo
sollte es da Unterschiede geben

Jede einzelne von ihnen glaubt sie sei
die einzig wahre, etwas ganz besonderes
keine unterscheidet sich darin von den Anderen

Man gibt ihnen Namen, man sollte sie
nummerieren, es macht alles keinen
Unterschied.

Oh was würden sie sich aufregen,
würden anfangen zu gnawen und zu
grargsen, aber das ist man gewöhnt
alle machen es, alle sind sie gleich.

Sie stehen alle früh auf, müssen so viel
erledigen, müssen sich um Kinder kümmern,
müssen arbeiten, sind alle ganz wichtig,
sind alle gleich.

Jetzt zeig mir das “Ich”, zeige mit dem
Finger darauf, sag “Ich bin etwas besonderes”
und beweise es mir, ich will endlich aufhören
darüber zu lachen.

Kaiserslautern, 21. November 2009

Gotta give this guy credit, he writes, produces, directs & shoots his own videos by his jack self!

What u sayin?

Because here at this spacepage, I love options – options for the people, democracy, freedom! – and I will like to think that I still have the ability to put myself in other’s shoes.

Kindly choose an option as opening:

• If one bothers to watch television these days
• If one bothers to watch local production shows these days
• Local? Sorry I don’t consider myself one
• I only watch local productions, cause it is close to home
• Since my television broke down in May of 1994, I don’t know what’s been going on

Do you know of recent celebrity weddings broadcast as a programme over the TV waves?

• Definitely! I live on such shows
• Legally bound to another person is so uncool and can you imagine having wailing children running all around the place… I am sorry, what was the question again?
• Who?
• Yes, and I am not pleased
• I guessed I shouldn’t but I somehow sat through it

What’s the opinion on such publicity stunt?

• Purely disgusting; they might as well shag in front of the camera crew as well
• So romantic! I want to get marry like that, like a fairytale storybook! (begins making act-cutesy sucking noises)
• For the entertainment gossip value, I enjoyed watching it thoroughly
• Did someone say entertainment gossip value? Can I take a moment to laugh at that? In Singapore?
• I mind my own business, and I don’t give a fuck about such shitjunk

What will one have preferred to see?

• A catfight broke loose, cake throwing, someone kick the bride at the pussy area. What’s TV for?
• What is shown is what I want to see
• I rather surf on down to the Internet for my weekly dosage of pornography
• I swear not to watch television again
• A much publicised divorce

If one is in their shoes, will one do it?

• Hell yeah. I would suck money out of all those corporate suckers that wanna endorse in my goddamn wedding!
• Hell yeah. It is very romantic
• Hell yeah. I will be on every publication page and every stupid people’s minds. As one can see, I am very attention seeking
• No. I am not so stupid
• Maybe. Who knows about mine right?

Then why haven’t?

• Sadly, I am neither rich or famous
• Sadly, I am still finding the love of my life
• and give up my single life? Kidding right? I sleep with a different woman every night! It is not the kinda lifestyle I wanna give up!
• I am gay, and I can only do so in other countries
• I am happily married and I don’t know what I am reading this corrupted blog/post entry

In comparsion, who has a better wedding?

• The recent one
• The one slightly a little anicent. Last year?
• Mine, obviously
• The one in the pornography I recently viewed
• Weddings are for suckers

How do one feel after finishing this post?

• I don’t even know why the hell I read through all these junk
• It’s the end? I still wanna answer more!
• It’s the best post ever. Until your next one. So, can I sex you now?
• It’s just another post. Nothing special
• I desperately wanna get married. I am going out right now to hook up

Now don’t ask me why I even wrote this. Pfffft.

This wonderful photographer makes nature look so clean and neat. His gorgeous photos of animals are calm, and cool. Since I am a lover of lions, tigers, and bears, oh my, I ran to the exhibit “A Shadow Falls” at the Staley- Wise Gallery in New York. This is the 2nd show of his complete works. Don’t miss it. He also has 2 wonderful coffee tables. Let Nick’s kingdom become yours!

Over the years I’ve built a couple of board based certifications. The reason for a board is to remove the “i know that guy” issue and force the board members to approach and deal with the specific person.

Last night I posted a blog entry about the concept of “on trick ponies.” I would like to extend that with the following. If you label someone a one trick pony but in fact have never worked with that person – you are making a huge mistake.

You never know what is behind the door that you don’t open. And if you label someone or something you will end up with a view of them that is at best wrong.

So what can we do about people making judgments about others without a basis?

.Doc

So than I think … (I know amazing right?) …. who am I? I read an interesting article in Psychology Today about identity and how people can become so consumed in past events and future events that haven’t even happened that they forget about today – lose hindsight of who they are, ect.

Than I thought about my husband’s identity and the reality bug bit my ass – I have absolutely no idea who my husband is. Strange isn’t it .. that I married a man, have spent 11 years with him and gave birth to three of his children – yet I have no clue who he is. I say this because I notice myself reacting one way to him alot – “I don’t understand.” He speaks, I can’t process what he said and I react – “I don’t understand you.” Mis-communication? Who knows. All I know is that I have an idea of who I am but not 100%.

I’m not people friendly. I have never been people friendly & I don’t know why. I’m not mean or cruel – I just prefer the solitude of the “middle of no where” compared to the surroundings of a town or Walmart. When I think about this I consider that maybe I’m not husband friendly either. It’s entirely possible. Maybe I was destined to be some unknown hermit that lives out in east bum fuck with her 10 cats and 5 dogs. Oh and of course her laptop & connection.

I’m complex – in fact I’m so complex that I often confuse myself with my own way of thinking and thoughts. I am a “matter of fact” or “seeing is believing” person. I’m not complex in any other area of my life. In fact I think I quite often resemble a dis-organized male. Mornings consist of coffee, finding something (and I don’t care what) to wear, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair and leaving. 1.2.3 and it’s done.

I enjoy learning - pick a topic. I will engross myself in it until I’m satisfied that I understand the major concept and than pick another topic and repeat the process.  Does that mean I’m a dork? Geek? Who cares. I know that I more often than not can be found consumed in some off the wall topic in online article bases or with my face stuffed in yet another novel.

I get off on Humor – not your average knock-knock jokes either. I mean I have a twisted sense of humor. I find humor in everything at the appropiate time. I laugh alot, often and with one question in my mind “Why do you think everything is so funny?” – I think it’s because if I didn’t find humor in my situation that I would be overloaded with depression and fall into a black hole of nothing-ness.

With all that said – it’s just scratching the surface. I am convinced I’m strange but not in a sick way. I’m just – different? Gotta go to work.