Grapes are rich in flavonoids that act as antioxidants. The sugars make their way into the wine and provide a rich lather and the addition of cocoa butter and aloe make it a luscious treat for the senses. Grapeseed oil is rich in chlorophyll and has regenerative and restructuring properties. Also helps the skin maintain normal structure of epithelial and nerve cells, among other benefits.

Our Savon Rosé  is a blushing blend of light floral notes and grapefruit with some rose clay added for additional detoxifying qualities.

We need those decoder rings as adults to figure out what’s actually happening in relationships. It would be so much easier than relying on our own flawed memory of any interactions to determine the other person’s true feelings. Just line up the actions with the symbol and write the corresponding emotion on your little note pad. Seriously. How many more hours in the day would you have if you didn’t have to wonder “is he into me too?”

There are three gentlemen that I’ve been meeting with recently. While they are all great in their own ways, there is specifically one that I’m hoping things move forward with. We’ve been chatting for a while and have gone out a few times; it seemed like we were both moving in the same direction. Until the end of our last social interaction.

We had evening plans in my neighbourhood so he parked at my place and we walked the three blocks. I was my usual charming, witty, and modest self. Mostly modest. It was an enjoyable evening consisting of great conversation with an attractive date. He wasn’t too shabby looking either. (See, totally modest!) I did have some issues drinking from the wine glass – pretty sure the restaurant gave me a dribble glass on purpose – but who hasn’t spilled something at some point in their adult life?

As we walked back to my place, I was feeling pretty good about the evening. We had laughed a lot which is important for me. I once dated a guy who didn’t share my sense of humour and I will never do that again. I don’t need a guy to be the clown in the relationship, but I need him to get my sense of humour. I can not be the only person laughing when I tell the story about buying my step-grandpa’s new gravestone. I just can’t. This current guy laughed at that story so big brownie points for him.

We arrive to my door and it’s as if we had just had the worst date in the world. There was none of the usual lingering chitchat, no kiss or even hug good night, nothing. Fuck. Even a handshake would have been more welcoming than his demeanour once we were standing on my stoop.

“I had a good time tonight. We should do it again. Good night.” And then he just turned and walked to his car. I don’t know if my dad had snuck into my place and was standing behind me with a shot gun, but he bolted. I felt like the little boy at the end of Shane: I couldn’t understand why he was leaving so quickly, I wanted him to come back, I wanted a do-over. Hell, mother wants you, Shane! (If you’ve never watched Shane, I probably just sound like a horny single nerd but it’s a movie reference. I swear. And I’m a horny single nerd, but mostly the movie reference part.)

It led to a confusion of thoughts running through my mind as I lay in bed. Did I say something at the end of the walk? Did I not say something at the end of the walk? Were my boobs not as inviting as I thought? Was I perhaps too modest? Did he just realize he’s gay as we were walking up the stairs and he suddenly had to run away to start a Village People Tribute band? What was it?

Starting tomorrow, I only buy cereal that has a decoder ring as the prize. I need to get to the bottom of this.

“Like we used to,” he reminds me. He smiles and his eyes sparkle. His brown eyes which are so dark, I can’t see where the pupil ends and the iris starts.

We used to hang out but it led to us dating and that just led to awkward. He’s Indian and his parents expect him to marry an Indian. I am not Indian. We were silly to go down that road at all. Like a teenage boy trying to unhook a bra, we fumbled about with no clear idea what we were doing. We tried to be more than just friends but not willing or able to tell anyone we were.

We went to movies but didn’t hold hands in case we saw someone we knew. I was his ‘just a friend’ for dinner with his family where his mom asked if I knew any nice Indian girls I could set him up with. When we ran into my friend at a pub he was just my coworker and of course she could join us at our table.

I always knew that he planned to respect his parents’ wishes and marry an Indian girl. We always knew, and always told each other, that it couldn’t go anywhere. But still we flirted. Still we tried to be just friends. We tried to keep it casual. And we failed.

I will never be Indian no matter how many different dishes his mom teaches me to cook or how many saris his sisters loan me when I join them for Visakhi dinner. And he will never marry a white girl. We never broke up because we were never dating. We just stopped hanging out or texting each other. It was the Firefly of relationship ends but we never got a Serenity to wrap up the lose ends.

Now he wants to hangout as friends again.

I’ve missed him. I’ve missed his friendship. I’ve missed the ease of laughing with him. I’ve missed our intense discussion about Game of Thrones or Underworld or It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I’ve missed our after work beers on a sunny patio while we discuss what it’s like to be the offspring of immigrant parents: his from India, mine from Europe.

I want to accept his offer of an after work pint but I decline.

It’s been two years but still have a crush on him. I still glance over at his cubicle and think inappropriate thoughts. I still feel sadness when mutual friends joke about setting him up with someone. A part of me still wants to be that someone but I know that I can’t. And for that reason, I can’t be friends with him.

Whether it’s applying for a new job, asking someone out, or swiping your credit card, no one likes rejection.

You can give yourself all the pep talks in the world, but it still makes you question yourself to some degree. What is wrong with me that he doesn’t want to date me? The self-doubt that can come from one person saying “no, thanks” is incredible when you think about it. How many pairs of sweatpants are bought because of those words? Or tubs of ice cream? Or bottles of wine?

Scratch that last one. I buy bottles of wine because it’s Friday. Or Monday. Or sunny. Or snowing. Or I’m thirsty. But I avoid drinking when I’m feeling down because that’s just a bad combination.

I know that putting myself out into the dating world means that this will happen again, and I know that it’s not the end of the world, but I let myself wallow in my self-pity for just a little while. It felt good in an odd way. It was therapeutic to think of every possible reason why I was less-than-worthy to date and then to just let it go. I got dolled up, put on some heels, and took myself on a “date”.

For the record, I was a fantastic date! I was witty, charming, told great stories, didn’t drag me to a chick-flick, and only ate from my own plate. Any single guys reading this: I’m a great catch!

I spent the next day thinking of reasons why I’m awesome and finding new-to-me science fiction shows to watch. It’s like the nerd version of therapy. Feeling like crap? Watch ridiculously attractive fake-nerds spew techno-babble about quantum physics and alternate realities. Works every time! Especially when combined with McDonald’s take out and two cuddly, purring kitties.

Sitting outside CPG’s house with binoculars also helped.

I don’t have rainbow bubbles orbiting my head.

I’ve tried.

The ones you blow from soap have a half-life of about six seconds.

Then you get soap droplets all over your shoulders and it looks like you had an unfortunate fly-over by a really anemic bird.

Amy and A Child to be Named Later

Then there’s the suspend bubbles around your head from a wide-brimmed hat approach.

But that just makes you look like a lame-ass attempt at a science fair project by a kid who didn’t understand the relative sizes of the various planets.

Also, painted styrofoam balls hanging in your vision give you vertigo.

This woman couldn't remember what her name was. We've now decided that we will all call her Myrtle.

Holographic projections of bubbles are too costly and require dragging a heavy piece of projection equipment on a cart around with me at all times. And also a generator.

Face painted bubbles make me look like an escapee from a test lab.

So when you get me in person, you just get me.

No bubbles.

Although if there happens to be a cause wherein I am trying to get you to donate money, apparently there will be singing. By me. In a key which means I will not hit the high note in the twelfth measure without a stepladder.

Which I didn’t have.

Kristy and Helen Jane and the Case of Dramatic Leaning

It is entirely possible that I traumatized a waiter with the singing.

But I sort of figure waiters realize they’re in a hazard position.

Hence the aprons.

Yesterday was the Napa In January Blogger’s event. Which involved a private tour and tasting at Whitehall Lane Winery and a private three course meal at Brix, both in the upper Napa Valley. (Which was why we nixed the titles “Pittsburg in January,” “Rancho Cucamonga in January” and “At Adult Book Store Near You in January,” although they were all strong contenders.

The incomparable Nichole from In These Small Moments organized the event to coordinate with the Northern California Debut of Cheryl from MommyPants.

Nichole made me retake this photo 6418 times.

Additionally, I got to see some friends I’d met from pervious bloggers’ events, Amy from A Diary of a Mad Woman and Eileen from Bringing Up Bronwyn.

I got to meet some new friends who feel like old friends owing to the harassing and haranguing through Twitter and Blogs: Paige, aka Jaime, from Slightly Off Balance and  Melissa from Confessions of a Dr. Mom.

The lovely Tara from Bite the Bedbugs and Courtney from Cupcakes and Wine were both in attendance, and some bloggers new to me – Stephanie from Mommy vs. Madness, Jennifer from Today According To Me and Irene from Creative Ways and Playful Days – joined in as well.

A wonderful treat were two women who knew of  The Way of the Blog: Kristy from She Just Walks Around With It and Helen Jane from Helen Jane. Who, despite this principally being a meet and greet, did not begrudge being tied, slipped a ruffie and interrogated mercilessly about the ins and outs of blogging.

We had simply the best, loveliest time.

Despite my singing.

Michael’s car is crashed. It’s in the body shop as we speak – so far we are aware that the hood looks like the nose of a bull dog, and are assuming that there is something wrong with the cooling system - considering the awful syrupy sweet smell and constant overheating. This, my friends, is not so good. I had to run the little one to school yesterday so that he could attempt to help his poor Crunchy limp to the shop. School is close to where Michael works, which incidentally is about an hour in the opposite direction of where I work. So, I was late. Fortunately, I have understanding bosses.

The fun part in all of this was finding out the hard way that our car insurance coverage wasn’t quite what we thought it was. No towing, and no rental car… what?! The policy I had with my previous company covered all of that – and before we switched, I told the new agent that I wanted identical coverage and if he could offer me a better price, then and ONLY then would I switch. Apparently to the new agent that meant he could shave off things like towing and rental coverage…  It kind of makes me want to call the company and give them a piece of my mind however, now I just feel like a dopey consumer. MY BAD for not reading the policy very thoroughly, MY BAD for trusting someone who could understand the insurance jargon so that I didn’t have to. All I can say is that this will be an expensive lesson, but one that I won’t make in the future.

Michael says we can still call the company and explain our position – not as enraged, victimized customers, but as rational customers who thought they had one product, but were really assigned to another. He would like to see them add these features to our existing plan without an additional cost – I don’t hold much hope of that happening. If it doesn’t, he is prepared to tromp back to our previous agent with heart-shaped chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, and ask them to take us back. I suspect that they will – I just hope that they can offer us the amazing coverage at the amazing price we used to pay. We shall see.

On happy notes! Tomorrow Phoebs and I head out for the last day of the faire. Just her and me – I’m excited. It will be a really fun mommy-daughter day of playing, and shopping, and show seeing. (Oh, and funnel cake eating! – there WILL be funnel cake, make no mistake.) I’m considering taking my camera… we shall see. (I consider it every time and end up leaving it in the trunk of my car)

Here’s to looking forward to a great weekend and a better week next week. Thanks for coming out  today – and hopefully I’ll have some fun pics to share from the faire in the next scrap-book!

I am torn. I think I love the house more for the idea of the house, than for the house itself. It’s layout is bad and wastes space, and energy – but, but… it’s big! I find myself caring less and less about the big though… I mean, who ever said bigger is better? <insert shifty eyes here> I do like having places to put everything, that aspect is kind of nice – though, I find it encourages us to ‘collect’. I am looking forward to a fresh start and really, planning to take … well, not so much. (I hope). I say that, and then I think… but oh, what if I ever need <insert some ‘thing’ I haven’t even seen in over a year>. Yes, I will most certainly need Michael’s good judgment to sort through what we will take and what we will give to local shelters/charities.

On a positive note, one thing I’m looking forward to is the possibility of a more updated kitchen… perhaps one with a garbage disposal! Honestly, as long as the oven is up to date, and perhaps a dishwasher for easy clean up (nice but not necessary)… I’ll be happy.

The truly most motivating reason behind the move (for me) is to be close to my best friend. I tease about the excitment of being able to zombie-walk to her house in the mornings for coffee, and to be able to steal her boyfriend’s mage hat… but these are only the silly reasons I want to be close. To be able to see and talk to her as opposed to the limitations of typing messages will be SO good. I mean, what better way to blow off some steam when we’re angry or frustrated then to be able to just go out with your best friend. Or, hey, what if you just want some company to head to the local Wal Mart… or to share that OSM recipe – or, just drop by for a hug? And who can pass up a good ‘girls night IN’ with a good bottle of wine and some fun movies? (Sorry, boys not welcome!) Sometimes it’s hard to convey how much we really care through the typed word. Teres has supported and encouraged me so much over the past few years through so many situations, words alone can not express the gratitude and love I have for her. So thanks, lady – I heart you and can’t wait to be out there!

Oh! How can I forget?! Today, instead of a word, I bring you a recipe…

My Favorite Bread Recipe Ever:

Ingredients

• 2 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 tablespoons active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 6 cups bread flour

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, and then stir in yeast. Allow to proof until yeast resembles a creamy foam.
2. Mix salt and oil into the yeast. Mix in flour one cup at a time. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth. Place in a well oiled bowl, and turn dough to coat. Cover with a damp cloth. Allow to rise until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.
3. Punch dough down. Knead for a few minutes, and divide in half. Shape into loaves, and place into two well oiled 9×5 inch loaf pans. Allow to rise for 30 minutes, or until dough has risen 1 inch above pans.
4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 minutes.

As always, thanks for stopping by for coffee… enjoy the bread – and the hugs.

A few things first:

1.) Apple, I totally thought of you last night - and said as much to Michael as the … people (I don’t know what their formal title is) … came around to serve us various meats throughout the night. I had to think twice before I could actually enjoy eating it. <3

2.)People, in general, are better tolerated when wine is involved. (on my part)

3.)I DO love the city, though I sometimes forget.

Now to make sense of that list!

So, last night we went into the city for dinner. Originally it was a family get together but it morphed into this rather large event with a total of 13 people. (Is that large? It seems large to me). Michael’s family had planned this, as his sister Karah is visiting this week. Most of the others were friends and such from where Michael works. Incidentally, all of his siblings work at the same location – save for Karah, who lives out-of-town.

We went to this Brazilian Steak House where the food was served like I’ve never had food served before. Perhaps to some this is nothing new or something well-known, but to me, it was neat! It was an all you can eat buffet, BUT… the buffet was MOBILE! Yes, mobile. What I mean, exactly, is that there are servers who walk around with the various meats and if your ‘yes, please’ token is showing, they stop to ask you if you are interested in what they are serving! (Note: if you turn the token to ‘no, thank you’ they will stop.) The meats are even offered cooked to your taste – i.e. well, medium, rare etc. Meanwhile, there is a salad bar and side dishes are set on the table ‘family’ style. It was one big yum!

Now, at first, I was reluctant to go… scratch that. When it began to morph from a family outing, to an omgeveryoneiscoming event, I was hesitant. Mostly because I have a problem with one of the other ladies that was planning to attend. Also, because I sometimes get very panicky when there are a lot of people.

I don’t get on well with other women in general. I’m not certain why, but I think I’ll leave that question for my therapist. Anyway, Jules works for Michael and is also friends with his sisters – well with two of the three. Michael and I went through a ‘rough patch’ a earlier this year and Jules had no problem stepping in to “listen,” as it were. Okay, I get that, but ladies – you KNOW what that is all about. Right? So, now that things between Michael and I are well-patched and lovely, she should not continue to try to get his attention. This is my opinion, of course. I am, admittedly, very jealous by nature. (Perhaps this is why I don’t get on well with other women.)

Michael asked me to meet him at work since I generally leave work earlier than he does. So, I did. I found out when I got there that we were car-pooling. I glanced immediately over at Jules and back to Michael with this look, I’m sure, that said, “OMG PLEASE NO” because he immediately assured me that we would be riding with his sisters and not the other folks. Then we arrived at the restaurant and were seated. Out of 13 people, she ended up sitting directly across from Michael. I found that I didn’t mind so much. (I’m thinking that the glass of Merlot on an empty stomach may have had something to do with that.) I was just happy to be between Michael and Karah.

A funny twist on things is that I not only conversed with Jules, but I was making jokes with her and excluding both Michael and his best friend, Brice, who happened to be seated just opposite of me. That, my friends, is what happens when you’ve had a few glasses of wine! The phrase, “I love you, man” comes to mind.

When we were walking back to the parking garage to get the car, I was reminded of all the fun I used to have with Michael. We would escape into the city on just about any given day, and at the drop of a hat - dancing, shopping, or just… looking. We chose to trade-in that lifestyle for one with a house and children, which has it challenges, but we love it nonetheless. Most assuredly, we would not give up our small ones for anything the worlds have to offer.

With that, thank you for sharing coffee and more with me this morning <3