Gallery Henoch in the Chelsea Arts District of New York City

If you have been painting for some time and are serious about your career as an artist, then you might have thought about getting gallery representation.

But you may be uncertain about whether or not you are ready to make such an important move.

I’ve put together some clear guidelines to help you ascertain whether or not you are ready to take this important step in your career.  And I’ve put together a checklist of things you will need to take with you when you go.

1. Create a Clear Artistic Vision

This is the big one.

Gallery directors are looking for mature artists and mature artists have a clear artistic vision.

A clear vision of what you are trying to do with your art will set you apart from artists who are unsure of themselves in this regard.

You have to follow your heart and instincts on this one.  No one can tell you what your vision should be.  You are essentially following the guiding North Star of your soul.  This is your calling,  your life’s work.  This is what you were called as an artist to bring into this world.  No small thing.

2. Work Hard on Your Craft

Once you have decided on your vision, give yourself at least 1 to 5 years to bring it to fruition.

This will depend on how prolific of an artist you are.  Some artists turn out many works very quickly.  Others have a slower pace.

If you are a painter, paint a lot.  And throw most of them away, or paint over them.  Be very critical of your work.  Keep only the best of the best.

Get hard critiques from other artists.  Don’t let them be easy on you.

Keep only the the work that meets the true voice of your vision.

3. Create a Cohesive Body of Work (about 20 pieces)

Your goal is to create a cohesive and consistent body of work.  It should be about 20 pieces.  These 20 pieces of art should speak clearly about your vision.

They should have a clear theme and direction.

These 20 pieces of art will define you as a mature artist.

So choose each one carefully.

4. Participate in Group or Student Exhibitions

If you are student at a local art school or university, participate in as many group and student shows as you can.   You should add all of these to your resume.  It shows the gallery director that you have experience in this area.

It also shows that you are a hard worker and dedicated creative person.  These are more signs of artistic maturity.

5. Put Together Your Promotional Materials

Your promotional materials should be well thought out and have a professional appearance.  Use templates for your resumes.  Or better still, go to your local jobs center and take class on writing a professional resume.

Here are the things you will need to take to the gallery director:

• Resume (include all your student and professional exhibitions, education, honorable mentions, press coverage, radio or television interviews and dates of each.
• Color slides or jpeg images of your 20 works of art on a CD or thumb drive. Each image should be clearly labeled with title of work, dimensions, medium, year of creation, and your name.
• Some gallery directors may request that you bring in actual pieces of your work from your portfolio.  Discuss this ahead of time and be prepared with this if needed.
• Business cards (this is optional)

You should be able to clearly articulate your artistic vision to the gallery director.  Try to narrow this down to about one or two paragraphs. You can put this on your resume if you like.  But the main point here is that you have your artistic vision statement memorized and can talk about it in a conversational manor.

6. Research the Gallery

You should always research the galleries that you hope to approach.  Make sure that your work is a fit for these galleries.  Do they consistently show the kind of work you produce?

If not, don’t waste yours or the gallery director’s time.

Many galleries, especially in the major markets like New York City, specialize in a narrow market.  Some galleries only promote realist painters.  Others only promote abstract artists.  Do lots of research especially in large markets.

Dating in college should be easy enough… you're surrounded by your peers, many of whom hold the same interests as you and are seeking the same things you are.  So, here are ten tips to help you take advantage of the large amount of young, fit and attractive people walking around on campus and increase your chances of dating interracially in college. 1. Start or join a group/club that you have a genuine interest in and actively participate by ei … Read More

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Gary Bolyer, Kick-ass Inspired American Artist

Okay, so you want to be inspired?

You want to feel something don’t you?

You want to feel it in your bones?

Then you must read these 5 inspirational art blogs that I have written.

If you don’t know what I’ve been writing about lately, then you are just yesterday’s leftover tuna fish.  I’ll see you at the sandwich bar…..uh….maybe.

1. A Prayer for Andy Warhol

I’ve stood on sacred ground.  I’ve been where he has been.  I’ve stood where he has stood. And I have to admit I got a little choked up.

2. Beauty Only Comes by Grace…

Someone once told me that beauty only comes by grace.

3. The Best Advice I Ever Got.

Here is the best advice I ever got on how to live a life.  This ain’t your mama’s pumpkin pie.

4. Don’t Be Fickle. Don’t Change Directions.

As America and the world faces it’s greatest challenges, we need to hold fast to our convictions.  We need to remember who we are.

5. A Prayer for Lucian Freud.

Lucian Freud, who died earlier this summer, is remembered in this essay.

Gary Bolyer, Kick-ass American Artist

Do you want your art career to totally kick-ass?

Do you want to be an art star of the highest order?

Then these 5 art blogs that I have written are totally must-reads.

If you don’t know what I’ve been writing about lately, then you are just yesterday’s leftover tuna fish.  I’ll see you at the sandwich bar…..uh….maybe.

1. The 7 Deadly Sins of Artists

Commit these 7 deadly sins at your own peril.  This blog will help keep you out of art hell.

2. 9 Top Oil Paints Rated for the Serious Oil Painter

When you paint with the hippest and sexiest paints, then and only then are you truly kicking ass with your art.

3. Do You Make These 5 Costly Mistakes Selling Your Art?

Here’s a head’s up for you:  If you are an artist, just please try not to suck.

4. 5 Best Ways to Sell Your Art and Make the Most Money

Making money is sexy.  Making art is sexy.  Making money making art is, well, damn sexy.

5. The 6 Habits of Highly Effective Artists.

Being an artist is the sexiest thing you can be.  Here’s how to really pump it, baby.

All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
~Pablo Picasso

As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do. ~Zachary Scott

To change one’s life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions.            ~William James

A few years back, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman starred in the movie The Bucket List. The plot followed two terminally ill men on a road trip with a list of things they wanted to do before they died. While the movie received mixed reviews from critics, the theme of the movie drew people in. The Bucket List opened number one at the box office, and grossed nearly $100 million domestic, and over $175 million worldwide.

That such a theme would resonate with audiences should not come as a surprise. For ages, poets and philosophers have written about the brevity of life. Hundreds of years from now, it will likely still be a theme discussed. While different people have different ideas on how we should spend our time on Earth, a common connection between these ideas is the maximization of that time.

So it came to be that I stood with my sister in the presence of grace in the form of beauty, in the form of art, in the form of paintings that hung in long hallways that echoed as we spoke.

They were seascape paintings, images of rocky coastlines and lemon surf.

As we walked along from painting to painting, a question popped into my mind.  I put it to my sister.  “What would you give to be able to do this, to paint like this, to be a great painter?”  I asked her.

She answered me with only silence.  And one way we come to know ourselves and reveal ourselves to others is through the things we do not say, the questions we do not answer.

Since that day in the gallery the patterns of my life have risen and fallen like the waves in the paintings and have met with the patterns of other lives, also rising and falling.  A wave is a pattern and with mine there has been a steady rise forward, a gentle turn left, a surge downward, and silence.

I know now that when I asked my sister that question all those years ago that I was not really asking her at all.  I was asking myself.

I don’t remember the professor’s name. I don’t remember what he looked like.  I do remember that he was a seasoned man, a gifted intellectual who had received his Ph.d from Harvard.  And I do remember much of what he had to say to us.

It was a Friday morning in early April just after 10 a.m..  I sat in his classroom in Thomas

Thomas Boyd Hall, Louisiana State University

Boyd Hall four rows from the front, right by the window. The sun poured in through the large plate-glass windows from a clear and cloudless sky.

He sat on his desk discussing Walker Percy’s novel The Moviegoer.  “Don’t live someone else’s idea of what a life should be,” he told us.  “If you do, you are going to wake up at the end of someone else’s life never having lived your own.”

Brandishing the professor’s philosophies, I charged full-speed in May of that year through the gates of graduation toward my own appointment with time.  I was haughty, arrogant, cocksure.

My nascent ego was grandiose in direct proportion to the fears and insecurities that I tried to keep hidden from myself.  In my imagination I had created a world of future success wherein I was to be loved completely and forever in a world far from the reach of death and decline.  My grand illusions held the terrible monsters in the darkness at bay so I could drift off to sleep at night.

I was going to be the Boy Wonder, the Peter Pan.  Like the words of the song by Elton John, “I never thought I’d lose, I only thought I’d win.”

I was sorely mistaken.

Now I must admit that I’m a bit of a talker and am not as good at listening as I would like. Sometimes when I’m speaking with someone, I am listening but I’m also thinking of what I might say in response. Not with Margaret. Her gentleness, joy and wisdom had me quiet right from the start and I really listened to what she said. What did she say? Take time to listen. At the time I was telling Margaret about an idea I have for an evening that I would like to start up at church just before Christmas. As I’m due to start a new job in September, I was sharing that I want to be careful not to take too much on and burn out or get stressed. She listened with a smile on her face and gave me lots of encouragement about my idea before adding: ‘Make sure that you take time for yourselves (nodding her head towards Mr P and I), as you need to listen when starting something new.’ I thought that this was a great piece of advice. How often I rush in to start something, eager and excited, without planning in any time to be quiet and reflect on it all. I think Margaret was also saying that it’s important to take time to protect your marriage and family relationships as they can be the first to suffer in busy seasons, yet are by far the most important things in life.

I don’t know if you believe in God or not but I do and so does Margaret – in a big way. She would not be happy for me to recount this conversation and miss out what she said about God too. To be honest I don’t normally share much about God on my blog for fear of ‘preaching’ but I feel that I must be honest as God is the biggest thing in my life and for me not to mention him would be, well, somehow dishonest about who I am. So, if you do believe in God then Margaret’s further advice may also be relevant for you. She said that when we start being busy with something church related, we can easily start taking on things that God never meant for us to do! Hence the burnout. That’s why it’s important to listen, to make sure that you don’t try to do things in your own strength and set yourself workloads that were never intended for you.

This whole conversation lasted approximately 3-4 minutes but it’s advice that I know I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life and maybe even pass it on in conversation to someone else one day. I hope that when I’m old (no offence Margaret), I’m as wise as this wonderful lady and that young women stop to listen to my encouragments and advice. She’s a great role model for me. Praise God for the Margarets of this world.

Do you have someone like this in your life? What advice have they shared with you? Pass it on!

Have a great Monday.

C.x

We tend to hear stories about white male celebrities (middle aged) cheating on their, many times beautiful, wives or girlfriends – **Arnold, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Asthon Kutcher** more often than their black counterparts because the news organizations and tabloids target mainstream (read – white) audiences and they don’t think White people care so much about Black men’s infidelity. Now, let that Black celebrity be Will Smith, Denzel Washington or Barack Obama … or Tiger Woods (people that the news orgs. and tabloids think White people know/care about and you better believe the stories will run… and run… and run..)

But we all know that many of the Black “celebrity” and sports athletes (NBA/NFLA) are not innocent as they have a word of mouth reputation for cheating on their spouses like it’s nobody’s business. (This is why I never understood groupies who chase after these men in hopes of getting knocked up and trapping said ‘star’ into a life with her. The traps rarely, if ever, work as the man will just move on to the next!)

The truth is some white men cheat and others have good values/morals and do not… the same for some Asian, Black, Hispanic men. The most important thing is to vet and then see if a man’s behavior is living up to his words or what he says he values. If he says he believes in being monogamous to the one he is with yet he unapologetically stares at women while you are out together or flirts like there is no tomorrow … or he tried to pick you up when he was already in a relationship, the flip side being he tried to pick you up despite knowing YOU were in a relationship – ALL RED FLAGS!

Finally, some cultures do seem to expect or excuse men’s cheating behavior and this is true for many caribbean cultures. Maybe not so much cheating, but having tons of women/baby mother’s all over the place and not particularly caring for offspring (NWNW!). I have to say that American Culture (particularly White American Culture/Society) does not condone or take cheating lightly. If a wealthy WM cheats on his spouse and is caught, chances are high that she will divorce him and the court will grant her a hefty sum (approximately half) of his wealth. The consequences can be high!

Substitute going fishing with finding/dating a wm and the place that you wouldn’t want to go with “all black constructs” (see pic from an hbcu below).

Do you get my drift?

If not, plainly put: If you want to meet and date White men you have to place yourself in an environment that is congruent to that; one in which your odds will greatly be increased. When it comes to IR dating, all black constructs are like visiting barren land in hopes of quencing your thirst… not a good idea.

 Granted, you could try to meet someone at work or school and I encourage that (though maybe someone who works in a different department or different office who happens to be in the same building…I digress) but if you want to up your chances even more, you might want to look into relocating. No, not to a new country, but to a new, more diverse, neighborhood.

Here are 5 tips to moving on down the road into dating central regardless (or in spite) of your financial situation:

The most important part of this process is pinpointing areas in your city, town or state that are desirable to you. If you like single hipsters, you probably aren’t going to find them in Suburbia where families typically reside. If you like and want corporate/professional, young, single men, they probably won’t be living in the art district.  I would suggest driving through the different neighborhoods, maybe even going to a local cafe/restaurant to get an idea of the type of men are there. Read real estate reports about the neighborhoods! Heck, even the city reports/census should give you a good feel for the amount of single men, household income, etc. for the particular area.

Once you’ve done this, you will need to find a house/apartment to call home. If the rents are high, and they typically are higher in these areas than all black areas, you may need to be a bit creative. Here’s where the actual tips come in to play. 

1. Get Roommates if necessary – I would recommend first asking around (friends/family/co-workers) if they know someone who is looking to move. Check out http://www.craigslist.org and other website for people looking for roommates. You can also put up ads on school, cafe or supermarket message boards. Lastly, you can pinpoint the apartment you want to rent first and then go about securing roommates.

* An apartment for 4 will usually work out much cheaper per person than an apartment for 2

2. Sublet – Check out http://www.sublet.com for short term leases.

3. Get a room – Yes, your space will be limited to one room… but one room in a great apartment, in a great neighborhood with great dating prospects is worth it!

4. Look for affordable Buildings (i.e. – rent stabilized or rent controlled) in the desired area.

5. Opt in for on campus housing – If you’re in school, instead of staying at home and commuting you might want to consider on campus housing.

Once you are settled in, make sure to put on your friendly face and get to know your neighbors. Say hello, introduce yourself! There’s really no easier way to introduce yourself to strangers than by saying you just moved into the neighborhood! Befriend White women AND White men (even if you are not inerested in the wm romantically! He could become your wing man or introduce you to someone you may be interested in)

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If you have been able to successfully transition into a Prime (depending on your needs) neighborhood using a creative method feel free to post it below!

A vicar and a member of his church were playing golf one day. The church member was having a particularly bad round and as time went on he was getting more and more annoyed. Every time he missed a putt he would shout out “Darn, I missed!!”. As this continued, hole after hole, the vicar was getting very concerned. Again the church member missed a short putt and sure enough shouted out “Darn, I missed!!”. The vicar warned him that this was not a good thing to say and if he said it again God would strike him down. On the very next hole the church member missed a very short putt and just couldn’t stop himself and before he knew it the fateful words “Darn, I missed!!” came shouting out of his mouth. There was a huge flash and a lightening bolt came zooming out of the sky and hit the… Vicar on top of his head, killing him immediately. There was a few seconds pause and then a booming voice came out of heaven “Darn, I missed!!”

This is the view many people have of God. We don’t expect the lightening bolt but we do have an image of God sitting up in heaven just waiting for us to do wrong and punish us for it. We believe that God has set out all these rules and regulations, dos and don’t and now he sits there just waiting for us to muck up. God is waiting like a divine policeman ready to slap the handcuffs on and march us away to hell!! After all God is a God of justice and judgement so why shouldn’t this picture of Him be right? However, my understanding of the character of God is completely different. I don’t believe God sits there with lightening bolts and judgement but with plasters (band-aids) and words of encouragement. I guess it’s a little like a father teaching his child to ride a bike. He gives instruction, he tells how best to do it, he runs alongside us and he encourages us every step of the way. From the child’s point of view we won’t always listen, we’ll have our own ideas, we’ll say “dad, let go of the seat, I can do it!!” and inevitably we’ll fall off. Now, as human fathers and mothers, there is the temptation to shout and say “see!!, if you’d let me help, if you’d done it my way you would have been all right!!” However, on our good days (and God only has good days!) we pick our child up, we wipe away the tears, we put a plaster on the graze and we encourage them to get right back on the bike and try again. God is like us on our very best day, and so much more. He watches us to instruct us, to encourage us, to help us and when we do wrong, when we come of the rails, fall of our bike He is their to wipe away our tears, mend what is broken and restore us in every way necessary. He may have the right to be annoyed, to tell us that we didn’t do what he told us to do. We may deserve to be told off and be sent to the naughty step. However, God is far far more concerned with the hurt we may have done to ourselves than with our disobedience. He doesn’t sit there longing to judge and punish us but longing for the best for us in each and every situation.

Just as an earthly father, God has set boundaries for us. Boundaries to protect us and help us. God knows that if we break these boundaries our lives and/or the lives of others will not be as good. God doesn’t make rules so that he can punish us when we break them he makes rules so that we can live life to the full. So God says, look, don’t murder people because if you do they won’t be able to live life to the full but you won’t either. You may be consumed with guilt, you may have to become secretive and even hide away and ultimately you will probably have to spend years without your freedom in prison – now that is hardly being able to live life to the full.

I guess it depends how you look at it – some people see them as rules – I see them as pieces of wise advice. It’s up to us whether we take that advice or ignore it. I believe, that at the end of the day, it is us who loses out if we ignore it. God is not going to send a lightening bolt if we do wrong but if we don’t do wrong our lives will be so much better for it.

At a time when women were not allowed to talk to a stranger, handkerchiefs were literally a means of communication, as ladies would drop these precious pieces of lace on the sidewalk, whenever they wanted to attract the attention of a gentleman.
Gentlemen were of course extremely flattered

Source:

http://www.rubylane.com/shops/nicole-la-bay/item/1208LAC: 

Handkerchiefs have gone the way of slips, stockings and crazy English hats in America so now women have to use their words or body language to get things done.

If you are one of those people who has trouble getting a guy to saunter up to you and start hitting on you from your telltale body signals (big smiles, lingering glance, legs crossed towards the person, touching hair, etc.) then you’ll have to depend on the plain ol’ English language.

Here are some surefire words to let a guy know you’re interested without being too forward or aggressive. If he’s smart and feeling you, he should be put at ease that all signs are a go!

These work well with strangers and acquaintances all the same

1. “I like your …fill in the blank - (tie, tattoo, shoes, new hair cut, shirt)” -

2. “You smell good! Kind of like …. fill in the blank (detergent, the beach, cinammon, old spice)” -

3. ” Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like … I used to love him! - fill in the blank with the name of handsome celebrity, even if the only way they would resemble them is if you squint reeallly hard and are straight drunk.

Have any of these openers worked for you in the past? Do you have any magic bullet words that always seem to do the trick? List them in the comments section below.

See this week’s midweek missed connection post to see what I mean.

From Craigslist

EUHM you had your hair curly today – m4w (atlanta)

Date: 2011-04-29, 8:00PM EDT

You are a very beautiful slim tall black woman. I always make sure we are facing each other when we eat but some distance apart. Today you had your hair curly and you looked awesome. I am a white guy doing work there and would like to know you. I ususally wear tan shirts with the company logo. I believe you work in the Glen Building. Let’s get to know each other.

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THE TAKEAWAY: That’s why it is so important to always look your best, comport yourself accordingly and most crucial – open your eyes (or in some people’s cases get your nose out of a newspaper/book or step out of your comfort zone by eating alone and/or joining a stranger for lunch)!

Attention college students, how’s your love life these days? The New York Times wants you to submit your essay and the winning author will receive $1,000. Perhaps your essay on your IR dating experiences in college could clinch the top prize.

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From The NY Times

” Three years ago we invited college students to tell us the truth about what love was like for them in this age of 24/7 communication, blurred gender roles and new attitudes about sex and dating. The response, from students at more than 365 colleges and universities nationwide, was overwhelming and eye opening.

So we’re asking again. If you have a personal story that illustrates the current state of love and relationships, e-mail it to us at essaycontest@nytimes.com. The winning author will receive $1,000 and his or her essay will be published in a special “Modern Love” column on May 1, 2011, and on nytimes.com.

To read more “Modern Love” columns, visit  online archive ”

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“Let’s first address the answer that people give in saying that interracial marriage is wrong. The one bible verse that seems to be taken out of context for this answer is, 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” This verse is usually under the assumption that Jesus was talking about race. Unequally yoked = people of different races. This is not what the Lord is saying to us. The bible is telling us BELIEVERS to not marry UNBELIEVERS, because when we play with temptation (sin) then we will get burned.

The bible has told us to love our neighbors as OUR SELVES. This includes people of other races. God does not see color. He created color and other languages because of the tower of Babel and their attempt to build their way to heaven. He wanted them to understand it is not about how high you build or how much work you put forth, but it is about the relationship and surrendering of your life to Jesus Christ.

Now, to address the issue of people who do not believe that races should mix, let me throw some examples your way. Number one, Moses Marriage.

 In Numbers 12: 1-9, Moses’ friends condemned him for marrying an Ethiopian woman, a woman outside of Moses’ race. The Lord defended Moses saying that Moses was faithful to him for marrying this woman. Therefore, if marrying another race was wrong, then the Lord would not have defended Moses for marrying outside his race, but instead of condemning him, he affirmed him by saying that he was FAITHFUL to marry this woman. Thus, this disproves that God does not want us to marry outside our race.

Number two, another passage used against interracial marriage is Deuteronomy 7: 1-4. This passage is discussing how God did not want his people to marry the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, or the Jebisites. He specifically said in verse three, “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt take unto thy son.” But in verse four he explains why he did not want his people marrying any of these –ites people, “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve OTHER GODS: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” He is clearly saying that the reason that he did not want his people marrying anyone of these races is because their eyes were not on him, they were focused on other Gods, and that would lead his people astray. This goes back to confirm on why God does not want Christians marrying Non-Christian. (And in my opinion, a non-Christian is a person who does not KNOW and FOLLOW Christ.)

Number three, we are going to look at Bathsheba and David. David was condemned for what he did to Bathsheba’s husband, because purposely killed him in order to not be caught with impregnating Bathsheba and to have her to him. What many people do not understand is that Bathsheba was of a different race than David. The fact that they were of different races was not the reason they were condemned, they were condemned because adultery was committed.

Acts 17:26 says, “And hath made of ONE blood ALL nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation.” People today take the bible out of context to support their sin. Racism is sin. Point blank. And all sin is equal. I am no better than a murderer because of the sin in MY life. People just need to understand that God does not see our skin, and he surely does not judge us because of our color, he just sees our SIN! That is what we need to understand. Also, it is not out place to put judgment upon others for their sin. I hope that this answered or shed some light on the constant conflict about what the bible says about race. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. We need to remember that and love each other.”

And so it goes. Another month and another post about my adventures in New York and beyond. Yes- beyond- there has been some transcontinental travel since we last spoke– I do anything I can to keep things interesting.

So- as the cool kids would say- “let’s get amongst it”. This blog post will discuss the following ground-breaking events:

• Yes (Prime) minister: My encounter with ‘our’ Julz and her gorgeous locks over a beer at a pub called ‘The Australian’.
• Get a whiff of this: All things cheese and chocolate duringmy short Swiss sabbatical.
• Recording: One word. ’Nuff said. Yes, I’m recording my new EP. This is the biggest and most exciting thing in my life right now (I obviously need to get out more)- Read on below for all the details, inspirations and other paraphernalic tid-bits.
• The next round (of water) is on me- My first semi-sponsorship deal- thanks to the generous people at Balance Water.
• PLUS The usual selection of quirky stories, photos and verbal snippets from the crazy streets of New York
  • Including why I’m considering bathing in a bath of fake tan

This is going to be a rip-snorter of a post people. I can just feel it.

1. Yes (Prime) Minister.

It would be rude of me to not begin with our honourable Prime Minister Julia Gillard. Or, as we were told to address her by the consulate, just- “Prime Minister.”

To cut a long story short, I was invited to meet Julz along with all the other performers and volunteers who were involved in the New York Queensland Floods fundraiser. Of course one does not say no to such an opportunity. It’s pretty much the only interesting story I have so far to tell the grand children when I’m old and gray (I’d better work on that).

The meet and greet was a very laid back affair. It was held at ‘The Australian’ Pub, where the fundraiser was originally held. When word came in that the PM was running a little late, it was announced that the ‘beers were on the house.’ By the time she arrived, we were all jolly and rather excited to meet our dashing red. She even had a drink too(- or rather a long sip- enough for her accompanying media entourage to get a good news bite… I swear I’m not a cynic.)

Anyway I was rather impressed by her. She was very personable and seemed to be able to have a good yarn. That being said our 30- second conversation wasn’t exactly ground breaking. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time to offer my views on her current fiscal strategy.

Oh well, I got a photo out of it. And it’s now posted on facebook. You can ‘like it’ if you want. That’s pretty much the purpose of life now a days isn’t it?!

Here’s to you Julz.

2.  Get a Whiff of this…my Swiss sabbatical

Part of the reason why I have been incommunicado of late was that a portion of February was spent in Switzerland with my family. Thanks to a friend in the airline industry, I was able to wing some cheap flights (pun intended) and meet my ma, pa & sister over there. It was lovely not only to see the family but also to have a break from the constant energy of New York. The Big Cheese (i.e Switzerland) is pretty much the polar opposite of the Big Apple. Switzerland is home to Heidi. New York is home to the naked singing cowboy. Enough said.

Most of our time was spent eating (50%—perhaps 70% for my food-loving father), sleeping (45%) and engaging in other miscellaneous “cultural” activities (5%…I swear I’m cultured, I swear).

I did feel a bit sorry for my family during the first few days. I was still in the New York ‘mindset’- pounding the poor Swiss pavement like there were things to do and people to see. However the snow-capped alps, resonating with the faint echoes of Heidi yodelling in the distance, seemed to calm me down after a while. That and the beautiful food. It was good to be off the poor mans diet for a while (no peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in sight).

But it wasn’t long until I flew back to the bright lights of New York City, ready to begin my new project…

Recording…’Nuff said.

Yes. That’s right. My new recording. I’ve been waiting literally years to record again- I released my first EP in 2008 and a lot has changed since then.

In a way I’m glad I had to wait. The time I have spent in New York has been a huge influence on the sounds I’m now creating in the studio- they’re a lot more modern. But don’t worry it’s not sell-out modern. It’s exciting modern. Trust me.

—- Note. My producer. His name is Ben Gebert, and alongside his producing/engineering work he plays with the band Nini and Ben (www.niniandben.com). (Yes- he is the Ben of Nini and Ben, just in case there was any confusion). He’s awesome. I’ve been so lucky to be able to work with him.

The new EP should be released around June but things are already happening quickly. We have now finished the pre-production demos and begin recording the final tracks in the studio next week- starting with Bruno the Brazilian on drums (he’s awesome!).

Next week I will be working with photographer Shervin (www.shervinfoto.com) to get some kick-bottom shots for my EP cover, and I’m working with a really cool designer to come up with an exciting concept for the album art. I realise I am using a lot of ‘cool’,’exciting’ and ‘amazing’ descriptors whilst recalling my recording experiences but it would be a lie not to. So far everything has been ‘cool’, ‘exciting’ or ‘amazing’.

You won’t have to wait until June before you get to hear or see anything. I will make sure that there is an exciting lead up before hand with some nice little surprises on the way. So if you haven’t already- be sure to follow me on twitter (@sandelmusic) or facebook(.com/sandelmusic).

That’s Ben– totally captivated by the bass lines he’s playing in to the demos.

And that’s a computer screen. Showing all the recorded goodness we have laid down for one of the tracks.

This is the studio dog- Harvey. I love him and I think he loves me too.No home studio is complete without an atmospheric lamp. I feel this one fits the bills

3. The water’s on me! My first semi-sponsorship.

This one really came out of the blue. I got an email from Martin at Balance Water saying he had heard about my music and wanted to ‘sponsor me’ by providing me with a limitless supply of Balance Water. Wooo! Refusal may offend.

I’m not going to lie, I felt like a bit of a C-grade rockstar when the boxes arrived. Needless to say, the bathroom has been receiving heavier traffic than usual these past few days.

(….Sorry. Too much information.)

4. General tidbits

Wix Lounge: I just discovered this and love it. It is an uber cool office/lounge space with free wifi & coffee, designed for the city’s entrepreneurs, creatives and startups to use. The creative energy in the room is pretty phenomenal.

I wasn’t aware of the world of ‘start ups’ before I arrived here-but it’s kind of like what is depicted in that movie ‘The Social Network’- albeit without the lawsuits. These people have a web-based idea, develop the product, launch it and then sell it off at a profit- often within a matter of a few months. It’s high energy, life-devouring work that they all appear addicted to. Some people have started several companies already. Although I’m not exactly in that kind of business, I still like going to Wix to do my work. It’s nice to bask in the energy- and I find it inspiring, particularly on the days when the dreaded doubt begins to creep in.

I continue to see lots of great live music.

The ‘Aussie BBQ’ was on last week- featuring all the Australian rock acts who went to SXSW (a popular music industry festival in Texas). Between noon and 11pm there was an embarrassment of musical riches playing- the Jezabels, Paul Dempsey, Red Riders, Bliss and Esso, Hungry Kids of Hungary to name a few.

And finally, the reason why I’m considering bathing myself in fake tan…

It’s March and spring is beginning to bloom in a spring-like fashion.

As the temperature warms, the t-shirts are coming out and boom- I’m quickly realising how pale I am right now. Four winters in a row takes its toll. For the interests of public safety (I’m so translucent it’s blinding), I am considering the good ol bottle of tan.

That being said- it’s predicted snow tomorrow so I might have a week’s reprieve. I will keep you posted on this very important issue.

Wise words of the week (as told to me by an Aussie expat):

“Always remember Sandel- you’ve got to walk those streets like you’ve just gotten off that plane. Keep that wide-eyed energy because that’s when things start happening. That’s what will separate you.”

(These words were a good and timely reminder. Prior to my Swiss sabbatical I felt I had lost some of that energetic ‘pizazz’ but I feel like I’ve got my mojo back now…so to speak.)

Overheard/Spotted:

7^th Avenue and 34^th St. 1pm. Street food vendor sings at the top of his lungs as a young, attractive woman jogs past

“Cos baby she was born to ruuuuuuuuunnnnnn!”

Bruce Springsteen would have been proud.

Inspirations: (for my new CD)

• Coldplay (stadium anthems and ballads)
• Lissie & Adele (awesome vocals)
• Paul Simon (Lyrical perfection)
• Bruce Springsteen (Heart rendering rock)
• Carole King and ABBA (perfect pop songs)
• God (power, truth, love. HOPE)
• New York (restless energy, burning ambition)

Hardly any of these inspirations are complementary. In fact most are contradictory. But the way they are interacting- challenging and provoking each other has led to the creation of some interesting ideas in the studio… …even to the point of including Indian tablas within the percussion section.

(I do realise the above paragraph sounds very artsy-fartsy but alas, it’s true. Ask Bob. He’ll tell you)

Best be off. I’ve got a gig in a couple of hours at Birch Coffee and I’ve got to do my warm ups.

La lalalalalalala

Mi mimimimimimimim

Until next time my dear friends,

Love a millions

S x

PS. Apologies for the lack of photography. I dropped my camera (for no worthy reason except that I have genetic disposition for dropping things) and it is currently being nursed back to health. But not to worry, vivid photography will be back with a vengeance in the next post.

PPS. I will have moved out by the time the new post arrives so get ready for some renewed creative energy- I’m moving downtown to Chelsea/Union Park area where energy is high and the artistic vibes are flowing- bring it!

by Scuban

01/03/11 | Report as spam

RE: Why more black women are dating white men

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For many years Black women have been fed some variation of the following lies “A White man might date you but he won’t marry you/bring you to home to his mom” or ”[White men] only want to date you [Black women] because of a fetish”

Could we say the flip side to this Black women anti-interracial propoganda is the following White man targeted anti-interracial propoganda …

“[Black women] only want you as second choice” or “Black women are dating White men because there are no good black men left” or “The only reason Black women date you [White men] is to get back at [Black men who date non-bw].”

It isn’t a stretch to believe that when a White man hears stuff like this the result is uneasiness or apprehension for dating Black women… It’s akin to the side eye that Black woman are famously known to give White men if he starts acting friendly towards her. If he thinks to himself, “Wait a minute - is she really into me or is she just settling because her biological clock is ticking and the good brothers aren’t anywhere to be found?” Really, which man (or woman) would want to be with someone who they felt solely wanted them because they couldn’t get what they REALLY wanted?

For those White men out there who are considering Interracial dating but have heard this anti-bw interracial dating propaganda and thought twice, please be aware/advised! If you feel a pang of nervousness about the Black woman you may be interested in, who is also showing signs of interest in you, know that you are simply reacting in the exact manner in which the people who have fed you these thoughts want you to act.

There are plenty of Black women who have said loud and clear that White men are their “preference” “their first choice” or that they simply “find White men just as, if not more, attractive as any other race of men”. Enter the relationship or friendship without the preconceived notions and baggage, vet the woman individually and take it from there.

Everybody knows “Once you go Black you never go back”, but what are some other common sayings and phrases about interracial dating? Also, when someone does utter the aforementioned phrase – does he or she gerenally apply it towards both Black women and men or just Black men? I was never sure about that.

Here are a few interracial phrases I’ve heard over the years

Regarding Dating/Marrying White men
* “Once you go White everything’s all right”
* ”I like a little cream in my coffee”
* “Once you go White you see the light”

Regarding Dating/Marrying Black Women
* “The Blacker/Darker the berry, the sweeter the juice”
* “Once you go Black, you never go back”
* ”The darker the chocolate the richer the taste”
* “I like my women how I like my coffee, Black [and strong]“

So almost all of these phrases/quotes have underlying sexual connotations….
My favorite quote? Date who you like and treat them right!

Can you think of any others? If so, leave a comment below

I attempted to watch the boring Super Bowl and pay attention to the commercials but my attention waned. I did manage to see the insensitive Pepsi commercial where an aggressive/abusive/scary Black woman hurls a can at her emasculated boyfriend/husband, misses and hits a White woman who only seconds before had been flirting with him.

I won’t be focusing so much on that commercial, which has been met with a lot of uproar, because the topic of this blog is Black women and White men. As I mentioned in the pre-face to my post, I didn’t pay much attention so I could be wrong, however I highly doubt many of the commercials last night featured many Black women. From what I can tell, this commercial was the only one which prominently featured a Black woman (correct me if I am wrong) in the “starring” role. The Pepsi ad has garnered a lot of attention, but missed the mark as most of the feedback has been negative from all sides: slighted BW, WW, BM … I guess White men were spared since the creator of the commercial was White and the people who voted the video to air were more than likely overwhelmingly White.

I know companies that advertise during the Super Bowl pay a pretty penny to get their message infront of the millions of people watching (this is probably one of the only times when people actually look forward to a program’s commercials) however did any company last night have Black Women as a target? And I don’t mean a target in the way the folks at Pepsi view BW, but more like were any of these companies trying to appeal to Black women? That didn’t appear to be the case and if there was one or two, I only have one word – FAIL.

If a company actually wanted to appeal to Black women’s pocketbooks and dollars, really stand out and be talked about today they missed the opportunity to connect with Black women by showing something we hardly/never see… Beautiful Black women being desired/ being viewed as desireable by attractive White men and  challenging the stereotypes that are widely perpetuated in the U.S.A. Now that would get our attention and be refreshing, new and interesting ~

I can’t help but wonder if a company HAD aired a clever commercial showing a White man adoring, flirting, crushing on a Black Woman the positive attention it would have received. Maybe some ad exec should have pointed this out to one of the companies…  and today, instead of offended Black women vowing to boycott a brand and sending out frustrated e-mails, they would be celebrating and spreading the word to everyone who came within earshot to support said company.

Oh well – missed opportunity! Hey ad execs, listen up – There’s always next year!

You may be familiar with these all too common questions being tossed about on.. or should I say bombarding, the internet. Forums such as topix, yahoo answers, et al. have hundreds of threads asking about and saying the same thing. Clearly if White men are asking and Black women are asking then one would surmise yes, these people exist somewhere and yes, some White men/Black women are into each other. People are attracted to attractive (what they deem to be) people, aren’t they?

Moving on – logically one might wonder if all these folks exist online, why are they having trouble finding each other and getting together in the real world? Actually, I was reading answers.yahoo the other day and a White guy with red hair and freckles wanted to know if Black girls would be into him when just a few days earlier a Black girl had asked if White guys with red hair were interested in Black women. One commenter mentioned this to the guy and forwarded him to her link, advising him to reach out.

Sure, it’s understandable that white men may be apprehensive about asking Black woman they find attractive out for fear of being rejected or encountering a BW who is bm-identified/hates white men/ etc. After all, there really is no way of telling if she is or isn’t open to interracial dating just by looking at her… or is there? 

And Black women are justified in feeling that they shouldn’t have to ask a guy out first, especially since they are used to being accosted by any BM who is interested in her. White men seem to get over their fear of asking other non-bw out after all, so why does the thought of being rejected by a woman seem to only cripple some White men when a woman has brown skin? They are women like every other woman and a White man should have no qualms about talking them up…. or should they?

The truth is both sides have valid points. However, the crazy thing is the solution to this problem is pretty darn simple.

flirt

–verb (used without object) 1.

If you don’t know how to flirt to save you life and you want to be in a relationship sooner than later, you need to learn the subtleties/art of flirting not tomorrow, or next week, but TODAY! 

If White men employed their flirting skills, they could determine whether or not a Black woman was interested without much risk of bruising his fragile ego and Black women could identify herself as someone open to interracial dating effectively granting the “green light” all the while preserving her feminine allure by not being the one to make the first move. She would find more men willing to talk her up instead of staring from afar or pretending not to notice her beauty because… well, they really wouldn’t be putting themselves out there much if given the right signals.

There are tons of flirting articles on the internet, but I wanted to submit an alternative to simply reading how to lists and tips online with a potentially more effective way to hone your skills. This method would allow you to learn along with others exactly what to do and put the techniques into practice. Simply google flirting seminar and your city and state and sign up for one of these events today!

A quick google search yielded Flirtology which holds flirting seminars described in the following text lifted from their website:

Flirtology seminar provides you with new information and valuable insight into the science of flirting. This is done in a combination of theory, proven research, activities and role-play. We are currently providing the following three seminars.

How to attract, approach, and allure.
How to present yourself in the best possible light
How to influence others moods and emotions
How to efficiently utilize the factors influencing attraction
Jean’s research revealing signs of attraction

Finding your flirtastic self
What is flirting? Why do we do it?
Telling the difference between friendly and flirting
How to speak fluent body language
Being big on small talk
Who should approach and how
Taking the ‘reject’ out of rejection

How to ‘butter up’ in business
How to get the client on your side
Learn the important body language signals needed for success
The evil necessities of small talk-making it fun!
How to fake it, til you make it.

Invest in vintage clothing and/or reproductive vintage fashions today!

In this article in the New York Times, the women who wear these clothes attest to receiving different treatment from men when dressed in their vintage inspired clothing as opposed to being in modern day apparel, like jeans and uggs. Specifically, they recount the responses they have received in these comments:

“Ms. von Firley’s hair is cut in a 1920s style Dutch bob, and she is rarely seen in an outfit that isn’t vintage or reproduction vintage. “Men treat me differently when I wear vintage or something that looks vintage,” she said. “I’ve noticed that they open doors and even apologize when they swear, which is so not the case when I’m wearing regular clothes like pants and a sweater.”

Others who wear reproduction fashions said they had similarly enjoyed increased chivalry. “It’s a very movie-star, glamorous look that turns heads,” said Rebecca Watson, 42, a retired vice president at AutoTrader who lives in Leesburg, Ala. “And you won’t see five other people in the room wearing it.” Her favorite everyday outfit is 1940s-style free-flowing pants and a silk blouse by ReVamp, with Kate Spade leopard print flats or Stuart Weitzman wedge sandals.”

The article specifically focuses on the benefits of buying vintage reproductions as opposed to the more expensive, original vintage clothing.  However, whether you choose one or the other, these feminine and glamorous looks/styles will be a surefire way to turn heads and reinforce that you are a true lady in every sense of the word. Plus, you can find comfort in the fact that the styles, as mentioned in the article are, for the most part, classic.

“Since ‘Mad Men,’ it’s been crazy busy,” said Letty Tennant, 30, owner and chief designer of Queen of Heartz in Anaheim, Calif. “And you can’t say it’s just a fad because these clothes are timeless classics, not ‘in’ one year and ‘you wouldn’t be caught dead in it’ next year.”

To complete the look, consider styling your hair in the 50′s/60′s style and experimenting with the make up tips of that time. As mentioned in the articles, classes are now being given on how to achieve the full look (make-up and hair)… one such example is ReVamp, a retro clothier in Los Angeles which offers classes that teach women how to do their hair and makeup true to the period of their vintage-inspired attire. If you can’t get to ReVamp because you are not in the Los Angeles area, there are plenty of youtube videos to watch and learn from.

Por Ejemplo.. Click here if you cannot see the video below

1. Start or join a group/club that you have a genuine interest in and actively participate by either assuming a role or simply supporting the group’s events. **Tip – You can also start or join a study group for each class you take. Each person you know is a potential link to someone! All it takes is an introduction from that person to get the ball rolling.

2. Attend mixed parties and events - and don’t forget to mingle. Look for a familiar face and strike up a conversation with that person. This is a great chance to say, “hey, I think we’re in the same art class” and build from there. If you continually attend the same events with the same people don’t expect to meet someone new!

3. Make friends with all kinds of people (not just Black/White). If you are a Black women interested in dating White men, make friends with white guys. Even if you are not interested in them romantically doing so will allow you to get comfortable with white men and their friends, who may be interested in you, will take notice. The same applies for White men - befriend Black women, even if you are not particularly interested in her romantically.  **Tip – The easiest way to make friends is to hang out in the common areas where students congregate – think the television room, game room, laundry room, whever a group is gathered listening to live music on the quad, cook food in the communal kitchen, etc.

4. Join a fraternity or sorority. Alternatively, if your school doesn’t have greek life, get involved by becoming a Resident Advisor (RA). This way you’ll get to interact with plenty of people. An added bonus is that you’ll usually get a single room to enjoy once you catch your beau.

5. When you meet an acquaintance, be sure to find and friend them on facebook. **Tip: You can collect e-mail addresses from group members which can be used to find a person. You can also join university related groups on facebook and join in on the conversation. When you meet or see that person in real life you will automatically have something in common to break the ice and talk about.

6. Get an on-campus job that will put you into contact with the type of guy/girl you want. Like jocks? Get a job at the cafe in the school gym. Like nerds? Get a job in the library. You get the gist.

7. Join a sports team - participate in intramurals.

8. Put a concerted effort into looking your best all the time. While other students tend to let themselves go (eating junk food all the time, wearing nothing but sweats to class) stand out by putting your best face forward. Take advantage of your school’s fitness facilities, dress up for class, make sure your hair and nails are done, smell good.

9. Don’t sit at the ‘all black’ table during lunch. Look for people eating alone and ask to join them or if you’re really brave approach a larger group of people to sit with them. **This is easier to do with 1 friend in tow, this way you’ll both be exposed to more people.

10. Do things by yourself. People are more prone to approach you when you are alone than when you are in an intimidating group of people. So, go ahead and visit the bookstore, study in the library, attend the party/event, go for a swim in the pool by your lonesome.You’ll be surprised to find how many more people you will meet.

Got any tips of your own to add? Share it in the comments section below!

“First it is a thought, second it is a fantasy, third it is art and finally it is reality. So I think we should talk about things before they become reality. I see a future where black women are happy to forget about black men for white men.” – Apple

The responder felt there was nothing wrong with all of the videos of Black women talking about the subject, even if they weren’t in or had never been in interracial relationships but wanted to explore one, and didn’t see it as worshipping White men at all.

I have not seen all of the videos but I don’t think the majority of them are worshipping White men nor advocating for other Black women to worship White men. The way I see it, Black women are simply embarking on a much needed publicity campaign and are taking advantage of the highly visible and free video site to spread the word to Black women that it’s okay to prefer/desire dating White men – and let White men know there is an attraction there while destroying the false perceptions of Black women only desiring Black men in the process. The original poster may think these women appear to be desperate, but little does he know those videos are having a massive effect on the intended audience.

Unlike the poster’s comment indicated, I think the focus should not be as much on Black women forgetting about Black men, but moreso about opening themselves up to White men and other non-bm, whereas in the past many were close minded. This is a necessity in order to reverse the seeds of thought that have been soundly planted into little Black girls’ heads regarding: White men only wanting black women for one thing, White men not being attracted to Black women (see the contradiction), White men not marrying Black women, ad nauseum. These videos are meant to reverse all of that negative propoganda — and guess what, it’s working on the intended audience.

That’s why you see more and more bw/wm blogs being formed, videos being made, tweets mentioning Black girls and women’s desire to try something new, facebook groups popping up, ads, books, commercials, movies and television shows featuring these couplings, and finally more real life couples and weddings taking place!

Thought – Fantasy – Art – Reality …. it’s the natural order of things! The youtube videos the poster is complaining about is a part of a movement that is changing minds and lives – what people think about interracial relationships and whether they want one or can be in one. Yes, something as small as “talking” about the matter puts everything else into motion.  These types of videos  will continue to crop up and spread (White guys are watching, commenting and making videos of their own about Black women and White men) and I do not have a single problem with that!

I do believe most White men won’t care how you wear your hair as long as it looks good as evidenced by this poster who shared her story on http://www.naturallycurly.com/
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By Kynnib 

Lol. So im with this new guy. Hes not the first white guy ive dated but im the first black girl hes ever even had a crush on. Hes only seen me with my hair flat ironed or in a braid out bun (i dont know how to do anything else).

He knows nothing about black hair. He doesnt even know what a weave is. Heck, he knows nothing about hair in general. He washes his own hair with a regular bar of soap. Im not talking about chagrin valley im talking irish springs or dove.

Last night I made an attempt at a twist out (pics in fotki) and i told him i decided to try something new. I got nervous for him to see it because this was the first time ive worn my hair out in a natural style, this was the first time he was going to see it, and ive seen a few stories on here about curly girls and their men not liking their curls. I just kept thinking what if he said “umm your hair looks really poofy. I thought you told me you did it. You should flat iron it again. It looks really nice when you do that.” Then id have to set him straight.

So the time came for him to see it and the first thing he said was, “I really like it. You look really cute. Its cool. Are you going to keep it like that from now on?”

I was really happy he liked it. Its so weird not knowing if someone from a different culture will accept something from your culture that some people from your own culture dont even accept. That man is some kinda special.

——————-

The great thing about our hair is that it is versatile (especially in it’s natural state). Also, just because you have natural hair doesn’t mean it can’t be long or you can’t straighten and/or manipulate it. Check out this lovely lady’s videos from youtube. (By the way, she is completely natural and is not bi-racial or mixed)

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From Home of the Urban Chameleon

One of the reasons I’ve been avoiding talking about being in an interracial relationship is because to me it’s no big deal, which is maybe the most surprising thing about being in an interracial relationship. Though neither CH nor I are average, our courtship wasn’t outside of the ordinary.

We met at a bar, then talked for a few moments at few different events, he asked me on a date, we fell in love, I moved in with him, and then he asked me to marry him in the privacy of our home after about a year of dating. Millions of people throughout history and across the world have this exact same courtship story.

Only thing is I’m black and he’s white.

However, I’ve noticed that the media and many black bloggers who both support and don’t support interracial relationships want to give my relationship a script that it simply does not have, so I wanted to spend the first day or our series dispelling three of those myths.

1. I don’t hate black men. I think a lot of people assume that if a black woman marries a white man that she must have been terribly hurt by a black man. For the record all of the black men I have dated have been lovely. A couple of them have also been on the marriage track. But none of them have been CH. I like CH better than any man of any color that I have ever dated. Period.

2. I didn’t settle because I was desperate for a husband. Now this is the myth that irritates me the most. Black men aren’t considered desperate for marriage when they marry white women. Asian women aren’t considered desperate for marriage when they marry white men. But somehow the media spins this story that black women who want to get married settle for white men because they can’t find a black man. Please don’t get it twisted; CH is awesome, and I am deeply in love with him. If you ask me who the best man I have ever known is, I will answer, CH. Without blinking. I have a lot in common, we have similar goals, and he is completely supportive of me. My friends have straight-up told me that I’ve become a better and 10x happier woman since meeting CH, and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with him, it’s scary. I think this myth is insulting to both black women and white men, who if the media and certain bloggers are to be believed, can’t simply fall in love for the usual romantic reasons.

3. I’m not less black because I’m in an IR relationship. I wish people would retire this notion all together. If you really think of black people in terms of “acting black” or “acting white,” then you probably haven’t met very many black people throughout the diaspora. Get a passport, hit a few countries, then come back and tell me I “act white.” Otherwise, I’m not even engaging in conversation with people who insist on thinking that if you marry outside your race, speak English as taught in school, and have white friends, then you “want to be white.” That’s just a frustrating and ignorant viewpoint.

Having spoken on those myths, I am aware that there are two big elephants in the room that I haven’t tackled: We’ll get into “Black Love” on Wednesday. And though I’ve spoken here about how straight forward being in an IR is, I’m not going to lie, it is different from same-race relationships in a lot of ways — we’ll get into that on Thursday.

Until then, please weigh in on these myths that I’ve listed above and feel free to add some of your own if you’re also in an IR.

For more stories visit Home of the Urban Chameleon