Part1-Arrest to be the last resort in case of IPC 498a (Dowry Harassment & Cruelty law)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbtH3-snyAg

I am just a woman now

In disaster

Disarray

Finding my head full of maps has led me to confusion and a route to nowhere I planned to be

Este es el boceto y el trazo de una ilustración que será la decoración del “parche” que lleva el bombo en la parte frontal, aún no está completamente terminada pero quiero mostrar el antes, para después colocar el trabajo terminado y así tener el proceso completo.

So we will just jump right into things.. Here are a couple images from Angie & Matt’s wedding.. It was an honor to be part of the bridal party.  And I’m blessed to have such a beautiful sister in-law (inside and out).  So here are a few..

Enjoy…

Checkin' out the do...

Loved her dress...

playing with the rose petals..

butterfly earring

Code : A-13 (Rp 80.000,-)

Sometimes I will post some parts from the letters of women who dare to face the truth. I like their words because they are impressive, they come from the heart.

These are the thoughts of the woman who finally recalled that she is a woman:

“When I was 10 years old, I wanted all people to be kind and fair; in my 17th I dreamed about love, my Prince Charming and our future children; now I am 30, all I want is just money”.

Share your opinion!

TONY
“Did I tell you about the time I asked a woman out when I was younger?”

PHILIP
“I don’t remember hearing about this. What’s up with you?”

TONY
“Sometimes when you get told “no”, you actually feel the hurt, if you know what I mean. I know you get over it, but at least you notice it.”

PHILIP
“I think I get your meaning.”

Ah, yes.  The icing on the cake – or perhaps it is better characterized as between the layers? 

What better device to take my mind off the reality of my divorce and my impending unemployment than a lump in my breast?  No, wait – I’ve got it — two lumps in my breast!  One found by me, the other found by my doctor.

Let me preface the remainder of this post by saying it may be TMI for some, but perhaps it can be an educational experience for others.  For me, it’s a journal.

Every breast is different, just as every woman is different.  Now, I haven’t felt a lot of breasts in my time (with the exception of that group grope in the catering kitchen of Lionsgate after Mary got hers done).  It’s not something we women really discuss.  Men have, of course, felt more than I have, assuming they are lucky men, but they are not going around feeling breasts with the same focus as women such as myself.

I’ve got nice breasts, even now.  Back in my teens and twenties, they were small and practical.  Now they’re not small anymore – I would best describe them as “lush”.  I’m really quite fond of them.  From a breast tissue standpoint, they’ve always been lumpy, to use the technical term.  I’ve never felt comfortable doing breast self-exams because of their lumpiness.  I was never sure what I was feeling, and I was always a little queasy doing self-exams, probably because I was uncertain and afraid I would find something, because of my Mother.  And so I, like millions of other women, just wouldn’t do self-exams, unless it happened to cross my mind when I was in just the right headspace.  On the positive side, I have been religiously good about getting mammograms since my very early thirties, also because of my Mother.

So two months ago, when I was in the right headspace, I noticed a sort of thickening in my left breast.  Since I’m naturally lumpy (that really doesn’t sound attractive, does it?) and it was just after my period, I didn’t think much about it.  But three weeks ago, it came to my attention again, and it felt like there might be something unusual there.  Then I promptly forgot about it.  Until about ten days ago.  And I really felt it.  That was a Friday.  I called my doctor on Monday.  She saw me on Tuesday, and confirmed that not only did I have the lump I’d been feeling, but I had another one as well. 

When she confirmed my suspicions, she told me we needed to schedule a mammogram and an ultrasound, and a biopsy.  Biopsy?  That’s the word that makes your hands tingle and your head suddenly feel all light and spinny.  That’s the word that suggests that the dark things that have lived in the corners of my mind for years may be creeping out into the center of the room.  Doctors seem to toss the word out there so casually – do they know how it makes their patient (oops, almost said victim) feel?

The CNP proceeded to ask me more about my Mother’s medical history with her countless cancers, and asked if I had considered genetic testing.  My response was essentially, “Duh..uh..uh..i dunno?”  She said she knew how I felt and that her own mother had died of breast cancer when she (the CNP, not her mother) was eight years old, and she didn’t want the testing and they hadn’t told her that her mother died of cancer until she was “in the ground.”  You know, somehow, this story wasn’t making me feel any better.

On her way out the door, she tossed out the statement that I should talk to a surgeon (which generated a new round of feeling like a dog left on the side of a highway) and gave me a few names.  My parting words to her were, “I think you may have to write those down for me later.”  She laughed. 

How surreal the whole thing was.  Is.

That was Tuesday.  I called for my mammogram and they can’t see me until December 1.  Kelsea’s birthday.  How special.  I remember my Mother telling me on my 18th birthday, when she came in to kiss me goodnight, that she had cancer and was going in for surgery the next day.  She kept waiting to find the right time to tell me, and it somehow never came.  I remember lying in my bed that night, silently crying, tears flowing into my ears, thinking that THIS is what it’s like to be a grown-up.  Great.  I don’t want to tell Kelsea on her 13th birthday if my results are less than positive. 

I told Kathy and Denise, told Pat, told Mr. GF, told Issy, told E-Bro, told my boss Ivan.  That sounds like a lot of people to tell, now that I think about it.  I told people to feel less alone, but it didn’t seem to really help.  All last week, when I went to bed at night, I felt alone.  Very alone.  The hamsters that appear in the wee small hours have added a new team member – Cancer.  A little fuzzy hamster in a black cloak with a scythe.

Everyone has been a great comfort – Denise and Issy have offered to take me to the mammo appointment, Ivan provided me with some referrals for a good surgeon and oncologist (that one set me spinning again).  E-Bro and Bubba Sue are as supportive as they can be and make me feel loved.  Mr. GF offered the security of his arms and dedication regardless of how many breasts I have.

I told Kelsea yesterday.  I am not good at hiding things from her – she knew something was up.  It was hard – not as hard as telling her about the divorce, but hard.  We both shed a few tears and spent the rest of the day snuggling and laughing.  She is certain everything will be all right.  She offered to sleep with me, to keep me company.  It was enough just having her in her own room down the hall.

80% of breast lumps turn out to be non-cancerous.  There are many reasons that they appear, and they can disappear with no treatment at all.  But when you find a lump, cancer is the first thing that comes to mind.  If you watched your Mother die of cancer less than three years ago, after she’d lost one breast to it, and had a lumpectomy years before that, cancer is at the forefront of your thoughts.  Perhaps it’s alarmist, but it simply can’t be helped.  I have to ask myself, “Am I the 1 in 8 who will get breast cancer?”  I am one of ten women in my department at work.   Is it going to be one of us?  Is it going to be me? 

Is it already me?

Women: Know Your Limits! Harry Enfield – BBC comedy [via Pepe]

An important public service announcement brought to you by the comedy legend Harry Enfield and his Chums. From BBC. Watch more Harry Enfield clips with BBC Worldwide here:

yellow

hows it all hanging people?

my toes are cold, but other than that the end to today has been like a fairy tale. Paramore’s Brick By Boring Brick video. wowy. I wants it on my pc right NOW!

im realy, REALY cold right now… brrrrr… not quite sure why I had to make a sound effect to emphasis that…?

I feel like having a bit of a rant so if you don’t feel like reading it, stop… NOW!

something that realy, REALY pisses the shit out of me… junk mail/spam. something that pisses me off more than that, and i’m not realy to sure what the correct terminology is for it… porn mail.

why? what makes people think I want to receive this bullshit?!

even more annoying, the people that send it arn’t even getting my sexuality right. GRRRR! they arn’t even close! I mean, if they sent me the right stuff, id probably be still just as pissed, but maybe a little bit less… who knows.

one thing that realy confuses me, and I realy, REALY would like to know peoples oppinions and shit on this, is something to do with straight porn… here goes…

so, in the emails i get, they normally put videos and stuff and from what little ive seen, it seems like straight porn actually has more naked man in it than woman, and it seems to focus a lot on what the mans doing… this made me wonder, does this turn straight guys on? cuz im thinking if i was straight, i wouldnt wanna see quite so much penis…

and another thing… does this realy make it straight porn?… i mean… isn’t it actually Bi porn?

mayeb its just me, i dont know, but to me, if it was realy straight porn, id expect it to be 95% focused on the woman, not the man?… but to me, from what ive seen in my emails, it seems more like its focused on 80% of the man and the woman makes up just a very little part of it.

confuzzling.

at least with the gay stuff you know what you’re getting, and its so much easier to label, and figure out, and shit like that… its not trying to be something its not… well, in some ways anyway.

ok so rant over, back to normality, kinda… the kinda normality that only resides inside this tiny wooden skull of mine…

For my newest necklace featuring one of my altered dominoes, I decided to pink up a minor color in the image on my domino, the light (baby) blue.  The mulberry paper background is a peachy pink and the image contains a few other shades of pink.  I decided to pull it all together with some beaded charms featuring both the peachy pink and the reddish pink.

I had a variety of vintage light blue buttons that I truly loved.  Some are glass. Some are plastic.  Some of the buttons have additional colors.  A couple of the buttons have little crystal rhinestone that tie in well with the rhinestone on the pendant.   I layered a couple of buttons and a bead on a couple of the buttons to make them extra special.  I did wire-wrap most of the buttons so that I could easily attach the buttons with a jump ring.

If you look closely you’ll notice that I have 6 reddish pink drops that I’m using as charms on this necklace.  The drops came from a set of earrings I found at an estate sale.  I love the verdigris patina on the beadcaps of these little charms.

I decided on a double chain as the foundation of the necklace.   I had quite a bit of very fine gold chain.  I thought the elements were to large and heavy for a single chain, so I connected them to two layers of chain. 

I decided to string some of those wonderful light blue glass beads that I acquired at an estate sale.  I thought this necklace should look nice from the front or back.  This is definitely a necklace for a updo or a short haircut.  The necklace fits close the neck and is pretty all the way around.

Roya was an afghan student I met at Jamia Milia Islamia in 2007 at a screening of Osama(2003). She told me over cups of tea about doing Women’s Studies in India, of her family which wants her to be educated and a Taliban regime that doesn’t. Unfortunately I lost touch with her, but she is in my thoughts.

Dear Roya…

What is it like?

To wake up every morning to a shattered world…

To know that your life is caged.

Within the twisted lies,

men -make

of God’s truth.

How does it feel? …

To peer through the darkness of a blue shroud

and  find the entire sky,

opening up inside of you.

What do you think…?

When alien ideas turn like keys inside your head.

Tell me,

Do you sometimes stand and stare at the light…

shining behind forbidden doors?

::ZinGZanGZunG presents::

verzeiht mir meinen eher wortlosen post,…aber so ein montag, ist eben ein montag und ich bin hundemüdeeeeee gelobe besserung! dennoch viel spass mit dem neuen abendkleid von nova!

• skin. REDGRAVE
• shape. SERGG
• outfit. NOVA
• haare/hair. JE*REPUBLIC

Am I a Christian?

Am I a rebel?

Am I a waiter?

Am I a motivational speaker?

Am I a conservative?

Am I a liberal?

Am I Italian?

Am I a brother?

Am I a fiance?

Am I a follower?

Am I a leader?

Who do you say that I am?

Although Jesus asked this question with the most legitimacy, I think it is a fair question for us to ask those around us. Who am I to you? How do you see me? What is your perception of who I am?

This run of questions has played out in a number of different ways in my life; at times I have led people to believe that I am conflicting men. At times I have been viewed as conflicting men. I use the term men, because it is perceived that I am not clinging tightly to one or the other, rather straddling the line of both.

I posted a blog very similar to this when I was asked to not speak at a Christian camp this summer because I have tattoo’s and am comfortable drinking beer. [If you are interested, you can read that blog HERE] This is something that has come up again and again. I was recently denied a speaking engagement at a public high school because I am a Christian. Once that information was out there, my reputation didn’t matter, my level of professionalism didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

This becomes somewhat frustrating in the pursuit of what I want to do with my life, which is: speak. To anyone. Everywhere. Whether that is a public school, church, camp, it doesn’t matter, to me. It does matter to those who have the power to employ me… Because I am a Christian that holds to some conservative views and attends church every Sunday I am often viewed as this:

There is also another side to me, I am tattoo’d, I drink beer, I hold to some liberal views, I am pro-choice and that often has me viewed as this:

Both of these judgments are completely unfair and make it extremely difficult to create a marketing plan for my life and the information that I want to share with students [and adults].

So, if you’d be so bold [even if that means anonymously], how do you view me? Who am I? This is how I see myself:

I hope you are having a great day, thank you for taking a few minutes to hangout with me a bit. Be bold… tell me what you think. While you’re at it, who are you? Are you the man/woman that you present to the world?

L!VELOVE

Wow this tatoos are so delicious …like it much, all ar gifts on the ground floor…so go downstairs and there everything is for free or just a linden! The regular prices are also very cheap…so its defintitly worth the way to CatsS! Not just tatoos, also clothing, like the 2 skirts i wear!

Taxi to CatsS

What Is Lichen Sclerosus?

Lichen sclerosus is a chronic inflammatory skin condition resulting in well-defined shiny white spots on the skin. It mostly affects the genital and anal areas. The condition affects all ages but affects the middle aged women more.

What Are the Symptoms?

Do you find this article interesting(online surveys)

Lichen sclerosus most commonly affects the genital area. The predominant symptom is acute itching of the vulval area. The sufferer may scratch the area so much that blood blisters and sores can occur. The vulva thickens and looks white. As the skin becomes increasing sensitive then the vulval and perianal area become more and more prone to tearing and infected, especially on passing bowel movements.

 Women

Atrophy (bleeding of the tissue) and change in the vulval features occur in long established cases and include fusion of the labia over the urethra (the tube which passes urine from the bladder out of the body), causing difficulty in urination. The clitoris may become ‘buried’. There may be narrowing of the vaginal opening making sexual intercourse difficult. Infections (including ‘thrush’) may be present.

 Men

The penis is affected by itching, soreness, difficulty in retracting the foreskin and, due to a narrowing of the urethra, in urinating. The skin may look pale.

Psychological
One of the main problems is recognition and appropriate diagnosis by the General Practitioner. Misdiagnose of the condition as ‘thrush’ is relatively common, or as a psychological complaint to be treated with anti-depressants and tranquillisers. An accurate diagnosis is delayed for many years in some people. Earlier specialist referral would reduce the distress caused to people who fail to respond to treatments for infections.

 There is a tendency for those experiencing painful sex to have a sense of low confidence and self worth, to feel they are freaks, to experience a loss of femininity/masculinity. Many grieve for their sexuality. There is often a very real feeling of total isolation and despair. Patients have difficulty in coming to terms with the disabling effect lichen sclerosus can have on everyday life.

What Causes Lichen Sclerosus?

The cause is unknown. Some suggestions are:

• Too active immune system and hormone problems.
• Possibility that it is inherited
• Lichen sclerosus appears on skin that has been damaged or scarred from some other previous injury.

Lichen sclerosus is not contagious

 How Is It Diagnosed?

Severe lichen sclerosus can be easily determined by the medical profession. A biopsy is taken to determine the disease.

 How Is It Treated?

If you discover patches on the arms or upper body, inform your doctor. They usually don’t need treatment, and over time they may fade.

Lichen sclerosus of the genital skin should be treated immediately. Even if it isn’t painful or itchy, the patches can scar. This can cause problems with urination or sex. There is also a very small chance that skin cancer may develop in the patches.

Surgery is normally a good option for men. Circumcision (removing the foreskin on the penis) is the most widely used therapy for men with lichen sclerosus. The disease usually does not come back. Surgery is normally not a good option for women. When the lichen sclerosus patches are removed from the genitals of women and girls, they usually come back.

 Treatment may include the use of a strong cortisone cream or ointment on the skin.

It is important to have regular follow ups by the doctor because using these creams and ointments for a long time may cause:

• Thinning and redness of the skin
• Stretch marks where the cream is applied
• Genital yeast infections.

Cortisone creams are not always a solution. For a natural approach try Ginseng Care Serum.

 Some things that can keep symptoms from clearing up are:

• Low estrogen levels
• Infection
• Allergy to the medication.
• When creams and ointments don’t work, your doctor may suggest:
• Retinoids, or vitamin A-like drugs  (be aware that these creams thin the skin. Sunlight should be avoided)
• Tacrolimus ointment
• Ultraviolet light treatments (not used on skin of the genitals).

 Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor:

• How does the medicine work?
• What are its side effects?
• Why is it the best treatment for my lichen sclerosus?

 How it affects the sex life?

Due to the swelling and discomfort of the vaginal area people with severe lichen sclerosus are unable to bare having sex. The disease can cause scars that narrow the vagina. Also, sex can hurt and cause the patches to bleed.

 Which doctor is the best person to treat Lichen Sclerosus?

Dermatologists (doctors who treat the skin)

Gynaecologists (doctors who treat the female reproductive system)

Urologists (doctors who treat the urinary or urogenital tract)

Primary health care providers.

 C&G Medicare would like to thank:

National Lichen Sclerosus Support Group, PO Box 5830, Lyme Regis, Dorset

DT7 3ZU, United Kingdom

 Note: Information provided should not be used to make a diagnosis. Ginseng Creams distributed by C&G Medicare Ltd for the UK and Ireland. C&G Medicare Ltd recommends you always seek medical advice if you have concerns regarding any skin condition.

@ Tape Club – Firenze

Canon 30D, 17-40f/4L
Three exposure HDR, manipulated in photoshop