Equality

In Tanya J. Peterson’s Leave of Absence, we meet three people – Oliver, who is rescued from attempted suicide and ends up in a mental health facility for PTSD, Penelope, a schizophrenic, who he meets at the facility and befriends, and William, her fiance. Life has been normal to them up until a point where it has turned so violently against them that they haven’t been able to handle it. Oliver has lost the love of his life, his wife Maggie, and their son Henry. There is no reason for him to live when they are no more; this realization is too hard for him to bear. Equally hard is Penelope’s tryst with Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt, her idol, who is in her head and won’t shut up.

As the two ‘patients’ deal with life on an everyday basis and try to get themselves out of bed each day, we see more of where they come from. And, we see more of the people around them – the carers. As with every mental patient that has the sympathy vote of everyone they had once known, there is also their carer, the person, or people, whose lives are ruined in hanging on with the people they care about, and whose illnesses become their own. William’s old friends shun him, judge his relationship, avoid Penelope… people who he once thought to be educated and logical suddenly seem hostile and uncomprehending, encouraging him to end his relationship.

Dealing with the virtual loss of a loved one is very hard, especially when you can only see a shadow of what they once were, their disease debilitating and crippling to everyday life. Added to that are the pressures of a society that refuses to understand the fine differences between the umbrella term of ‘insane’. Myths surround diseases like schizophrenia - schizophrenics are violent, some say, some others feel they are dangerous to themselves, most others just avoid them. Ignorance surrounds problems like PTSD, most people have no idea what causes it, what the symptoms are, and how they can help.

Peterson writes a well-spun tale, one that brings out the vulnerability of the patients, the perseverance of their carers, and the reactions of society. Having suffered from PTSD herself and spent time in therapy, she has been on both sides of the table, a certified counselor. It shows. The descriptions of the people, the hospital, the routines, they are all very well thought out and consistent. The fabric of the book is taut, the threads on it interwoven and loose, very lucid writing.

(Image Courtesy: Inkwater Press)

People with mental illnesses are just that: people. with illness. Like you’d do with a physical illness, find out about it, help them with it, speak to them, hold them and reassure them of your presence as parent/spouse/friend/companion/acquaintance. And if you can’t be there for them, then begone!

Quote: “It was hard for both of them. But William loved her. It was a deep, all-encompassing love that didn’t just stop when things became difficult. When he looked at her, no just at her happy images in photographs, but at her, no matter how she was in the moment, he saw Penelope. He didn’t see a mental illness. He saw the whole picture – the woman he loved who happened to be experiencing something awful.”

“He was also very touched by the fact that she had thought so hard about him and had made such an effort to create something she thought would help him, No one had done anything like that for him before. He experienced an odd mix of grief and warmth and guilt.”

This post was written as part of the blog tour for this book that I’m participating in.

Magazines and the Celebrity culture

Magazines are hugely popular and have become the staple weekly read for many women. I am a self-confessed fashion magazine fan with The Sunday Times’ Style magazine my coveted read. Magazines can not be put into one category and universally criticised for promoting unhealthy body images; some have a much greater negative influence whilst some can even be viewed positively. For me, most fashion magazines explore the creativity and vastness of fashion, exploring all different styles and trends thus creating the aura of uniqueness and individuality. However in my view the most damaging are the ‘ lifestyle’ type magazines that fill their pages with ever-trivial stories and revelations of celebrities. Their bodies are scrutinised whilst pages are dedicated to how we can look and live like them. Yes to some it can be mere harmless stuff read to pass the time but behind this trivial material lies messages that can have damaging consequences, even if sub-consciously.

Heat Magazine

The worrying celebrity weight article

Closer Magazine

The constant obsession with trying to be like someone else says a lot about our self-esteem and confidence. These magazines provide us with the material to compare ourselves with these celebrities often leaving us with a sense of un-worthiness and a sad desire to conform to such people. Their concentration on image and weight conveys the message that this is the most important aspect of a women; no wonder such a majority of us constantly worry about it and diet. I came across a magazine recently that dedicated the front page and double page spread purely on ordering different celebrities weights. I didn’t know whether to laugh at its absurdity or cry out in horror. In this case I think a cry of horror is the most appropriate as the potential emotional effects on a vulnerable reader is so obvious. Listing the weights of the likes of Alexa Chung and Kate Moss, which from what I gather border on the anorexic category, gives people visual goals to try to achieve. Likewise glamorization of celebrities who lose weight and the cruel torments towards those who are bigger influences who we see as role models and creates the idea of losing weight as an achievement and way of being successful. We must not confuse this with the role of celebrities rather than the way the media use them. Some are naturally thin etc but what is damaging is the way in which magazines make us feel that we all have to be like this and that image is the only thing that defines us. Everyone’s body shape is different and it is impossible to try to look like someone else. An unattainable goal that can drive people into a vicious obsessive circle of dieting, guilt and self-hate. This circle centres around our body image as it seems we have forgotten the concept that other aspects such as our personality, life achievements and experiences also shape who we are. Magazines have undoubtedly capitalised on this body-consciousness and as a result I feel they lack the crucial messages that women should be hearing and learning from. Although some have positive articles celebrating women’s achievements and uniqueness they are undermined and contradicted by more pervasive and frequent articles of a negative nature. We should look to reverse this trend and balance the preoccupation on body image with our other attributes. Rather than let it dominate, we need to branch out from our vaingloriousness culture.

Beautyandthebrains x

Pakistan:  A Muslim political candidate suspected of murdering a Christian has instigated calls from mosque loudspeakers for attacks on Christians, whom he blames for his May 11 election loss.

Tensions were high in Punjab Province’s Okara district after provincial assembly seat candidate Mehr Abdul Sattar, sought by police in connection with a 2008 murder, on May 13 arranged for mosque calls for violence against Christian villages.

“Burn their homes to the ground … Punish them such that they forget Gojra and Joseph Colony,” blared village mosques in the district, according to Younas Iqbal, chairman of the Anjuman-e-Mazareen Punjab, a peasant movement fighting for land rights.

Iqbal told Morning Star News by phone that that when unofficial election results were announced on May 12, Sattar’s supporters ambushed a convoy of about 100 Christians on their way to congratulate his opponent on his victory.

“They destroyed two motorcycles and threw them in the canal, besides damaging a tractor,” Iqbal said. “We went to the Okara Saddar Police Station to register a case, but the police officials refused to move against Mehr.”

Recent religious furor has been easily stoked in Pakistan. In Lahore on March 9, about 3,000 Muslims attacked Christians in Joseph Colony, destroying 175 homes, after rumors spread of an alleged remark against Islam by a Christian. In Gojra in 2009, eight Christians were burned alive, 100 houses looted and 50 homes set ablaze after a blasphemy accusation.

Sattar has targeted Christians in several villages, designated by number-letter combinations from British colonial times, particularly village 8/4-L, for voting against him, Iqbal said. Christians largely voted for Mian Yawar Zaman, also a Muslim, for a provincial assembly seat in the general election on May 11.

Iqbal said that early on May 13, Sattar’s men prevented the Christian principal of the Government Primary School, Shamoun Masih, men from entering the institution.

“They told Shamoun that since the Christians had voted against Mehr, he wouldn’t be allowed inside,” he said. “They also roughed him up, but there were no serious injuries. In 3/4-L village, Amjad Masih was harassed.”

Iqbal added that Sattar’s supporters had also forcibly occupied land of some Christians.

“The threat of violence in 8/4-L is most serious because of the tiny Christian population there,” Iqbal said of the village of roughly 600 Christians. “Sensing the gravity of the situation, we immediately informed Zaman, the legislator-elect, who pressed the police to deploy personnel in the village.”

Okara Police Chief Rao Jabbar told Morning Star News that officers would take all necessary measures to protect the Christian peasants.

“We have taken notice of the inciting speeches made by Mehr Abdul Sattar, and I have assured the Christians that we will initiate legal action against him,” Jabbar said. “Meantime, I’ve directed all police officers concerned to remain vigilant and ensure that there is no damage to life and property of the Christians.”

Police have been helpless in the face of Sattar, though, Iqbal said.

“Even though the district police chief has promised to protect the area’s Christians, the danger will always remain there,” he said. “Several cases have been registered against Mehr, but no action has been taken against him. In January this year, the police tried to arrest Mehr and his men in a murder case, but his supporters blocked three main highways for several hours, forcing the police to abandon action against him.”

Police sought Sattar in connection with the murder of Javed Masih, a Christian who had opposed Sattar in a 2008 election.

“The late Javed Masih used to tell the peasants to vote according to their conscience and not get intimidated by gangsters like Mehr,” Iqbal said. “His efforts bore fruit, and Mehr lost the general election in 2008. Unfortunately, Masih had to sacrifice his life for the cause, while several others were injured in an armed attack by Mehr’s men.”

In this month’s election, Iqbal likewise told Christians to vote for the person they thought best. Zaman belongs to the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz, which has emerged as the single largest party in national and Punjab assemblies.

“The humiliating defeat further stoked anger in Mehr, and he’s now bent upon punishing us,” he said, adding that Sattar has targeted no Muslims for opposing him.

“Our application against Mehr Abdul Sattar is still pending with the police, but it seems more Christian blood will be shed before he is brought to justice,” Iqbal said. “But this will not deter us from using our right to vote. We refuse to give in to the tyranny of criminals like Mehr.”

Besides village 8/4-L, the threatened Christian areas in provincial constituency PP-191 are village 10/4-L, with an estimated Christian population of 3,000; 11/4-L, where 2,000 Christians live; and 26/4-L, in which around 1,000 Christians are settled.

The peasant land movement that became the issue of contention for Sattar arose more than 10 years ago in response to what Iqbal calls the Pakistan Army’s illegal occupation of 64,000 acres in some 10 districts of Punjab. Catholic Capuchins had relocated Christians to the area of central Punjab Province to provide dairy products to the British Army during World War II, and the British turned the land over to the Pakistan Army when the sub-continent was partitioned, Iqbal said.

“At the time of partition of the sub-continent, the Christians were not given the land rights which were promised to them by the Capuchin fathers,” he said. “Because of this, Christians are at the forefront of the peasants’ movement, which is facing the powerful Pakistan Army for their due right, as the Britons had handed over the lands to the Army after the partition.”

Sattar had initially worked with the peasant cause, he said.

“But then he began creating fissures in the movement, coaxing the Muslim members not to take directions from the Christian leadership,” Iqbal said. “He then left the movement and got involved in criminal activities, subsequently landing in politics. However, Mehr’s political career failed to take off because thousands of Christians of the area don’t vote for him.”

Related Story:  http://www.persecution.org/2013/05/21/muslim-political-candidate-demands-attacks-on-christians-in-pakistan/

source:  http://au.christiantoday.com/article/pakistan-calls-for-attacks-on-christians-emanate-from-mosque-loudspeakers/15451.htm

But whats really funny is that black people still support these celebrities whom pretty much spit in the faces of the community that nurtured them to the success they have. That success and attendant wealth enabling them to get that white booty. Of course some white Dr. so many years ago proclaimed that if you have one percent of black blood then you are in fact “black” I’m not sure of the precise figure but it’s a given fact by so many people that this Dr. that proclaimed this “fact” had some other world knowledge that gave him this unquestioned credibility.

So that black men who bed and impregnate white women will say, that they are in fact are getting back at the white race by conquering his women in that he, the black man is on top of the white mans women, making her have his “black child” and doing this in the face of the world and especially the white man. And then besides that he doesn’t have to smell all the hair preparations that black women use to get their hair straight, or feel all those tiny knots that hold the hair weave in place. Or feel that rough nappy hair against his sensitive brown skin ?

Ice T. married a white ex lap dancer, Micheal Jordan just married a white women , Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Kobe Bryant, that actor that played Carlton on Fresh Prince, he’s got the cutest blondest women and his little girl is a picture perfect blend of that happy union, no more rusty skin in that family ! What we held in secret so many years ago, is coming to the light with a vengeance, it’s no mistake that all these people with access to money , wealth and fame, prefer the company of whites. When you marry into a white family, your world becomes white – you don’t cook collard greens, ham-hocks and chitterlings anymore.

Afghan Schoolchildren in Kabul (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Afghanistan34P-Takhar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

WHAT: Ines Di Santo Bridal Sample Sale

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Yesterday, I wore my favorite blue peplum skirt and I got lots of attention… in a negative way. It was the same length as other peplum and bandage skirts are, but my colleagues kept telling me, “Isn’t that skirt too short for you?”. On my way to the office and going home, people turned their heads… and look right away at my gams. Geez. Hello people, my eyes are up here!!

I mean, c’mon, do tall girls don’t have the right to wear these skirts? I love wearing skirts and dresses to work, but since they always seem too short for me, I wear pants instead. :(

But don’t get me wrong, I love my height. It’s just that when it comes to my bottoms it always comes out too short. Been thinking of this since yesterday and I made me a mental list of the pros and cons of being tall, which I want to share with you.

Let’s start with the CONS:

1. The “too-short bottoms” - we already heard about this, moving on…
2. I feel awkward wearing heels - regardless of the heels’ height I feel awkward. I feel like people would say, “Ano ba yan ang tangkad na nga naghi-heels pa!” (She’s already tall! Why is she still wearing heels?!) Of course I shouldn’t care about what other people would say, but, most of my friends are shorter than me. And wearing heels makes me feel like awkward.
3. My legs barely fit on the spaces between chairs of buses (or any  - a lot of buses here in Manila (especially the mini ones) have small spaces between chairs. Sometimes I have to sit sideways, with my legs on the walkway at the aisle of the bus. Bummer.

You know, like these ones? :/

…and of course the PROS:

1. I never felt suffocated while in the MRT - Now, I always go to the first couch of the train, which they call the “Ladies’ Section”. Some people (those shorter than most of the passengers) sometimes feel like they can’t breath with all those tall people surrounding and squeezing their bodies against each other. In my case, I just have to put my chin up and smile. *wink!*
2. I don’t have difficulties in reaching things - my Mom is shorter than me. She would always ask me to reach for plates/utensils placed on the top shelf of the cabinet.
3. I climb stairs faster - thanks to my long-legged. (This line is a classic quote from Melanie Marquez when she competed for 1979 Miss International) Hahaha. I can take 2 levels in one step, sometime three. Yep, I’m flexible like that. Bwahaha!

Anyway, I posted this not to complain, but to say that no matter how we have difficulties in our physical appearance, we should always be thankful and find something to like it about. I love my height, definitely. It gives me an edge specially on my chosen field (Hospitality). So thanks to my parents and ancestors for giving me these wonderful genes!

How ’bout you? What do you like most about your body? Leave a comment below. :)

Good day!

It seems that eligible men are very far and few between when you get to middle age. Mind you, I didn’t ask to be single at my age, it just turned out that way. It’s been great not to have anyone to answer to about my comings and goings or what I’m having for dinner or if I’m even having dinner. I love not having to turn off the bedroom light when I’m reading a great book. If I decide I’m in the mood to start writing a blog at 1 a.m., I don’t have anyone to fuss at me for making noise either.

Now comes the part for those of you who can’t handle more than PG 13 ratings to stop reading. You’ve been warned. Pretty much everyone who is single, that I’ve talked to of both sexes agree they miss cuddling and the sex.

If you want to find a relationship for these missing components you have to start looking for a suitable partner. The whole friends with benefits may be okay for awhile, but then something more substantial seems necessary because it starts to feel like a booty call. Seriously, if you’re not dating or having regular contact with this “friend” and they call or text you to come over, it’s a booty call. Admit it!

If you go to a bar looking for this suitable partner, you’re likely to end up with an alcoholic. You go online and meet people and many of them are married, but say they’re separated. When I was separated, I went to an attorney right away, had papers drawn up, we were in separate bedrooms and in the state we lived in had to wait six months to file for divorce. Since we were legally separated, we could see other people without consequences. It wasn’t for my sake, but it covered his butt really well.

It seems people have various definitions of what being separated is these days, and this may have been going on for centuries as far as I know. Some men and women think just because they sleep in separate bedrooms from their spouse, they’re separated. Let’s think this through. Many couples sleep in separate bedrooms for various reasons. One snores too loud, they are too restless at night, they have sleep apnea, they have different work schedules, there’s an illness, etc. They still carry on their life in public as husband and wife, so this is not a separation and should never be represented to anyone as such because it’s a misrepresentation of the truth.

Just because you don’t have sexual relations with your spouse does not mean your separated either. Many couples haven’t had sex in a couple of decades for various reasons, but they are still married in every other way. I can’t tell you how many men have told me about their troublesome sex life with their wives and how they just need someone special to fill that need. Either they won’t have oral sex or will only have sex in one position. Basically, it’s not my problem to fix. Women aren’t the only ones who hear these lines. Men hear them from married men too. Yes, we’re all comparing and sharing notes these days. Frankly, it’s really boring.

To be truly separated in a marriage, papers need to be filed. Whether you file for a separation or a divorce, until those papers are signed by both parties, notarized, and filed it’s not legal. That means if you have an affair with a person who is still legally attached, you can be named in the divorce proceeding as the person committing adultery with the husband or wife. I definitely do not want to go to court or have anymore drama in my life.

Then you have to think, what kind of person would put you in this situation? If they would do it in this marriage, would they do it in their next marriage? Some people just have a problem being faithful, but others marry the wrong person. This all would be much simpler if people could be honest with each other. If the unhappy spouse could simply ask for a divorce and if the lonely person could admit they’re unhappily married, things would be better for everyone.

I had a friend who called me a few weeks back and he just knew the husband had figured out he was having an affair with his wife. They saw each other in his church for the first time and it was lust from the beginning. I advised him to run the other way because he always says he hates drama. That day he was sweating it out and begging me to talk to him. I sent him a text about some great news the other day and he sent one back saying not to text him anymore. (???)I guess he and the married woman are getting along well right now. I’ll keep you guys posted on how it turns out.

I just know that I’m not looking for love in all the wrong places anymore. I love myself enough to say no more. I just hope others reading this can do the same thing if you’re in a similar situation. Love yourself enough to say no to heartache because when people are married they usually never leave their spouses, no matter what they tell you.