What do we want? If that’s not the million dollar question for women I don’t know what is. Men are about as fickle as they come when it comes to what we want with women. On a daily basis my mind alternates between wanting a relationship, a fuck buddy, a one night stand, or nothing at all. The real problem is that a man’s brain is constantly changing. There is never a day where we think or feel the same thing, and that’s a fact. That for women, could make you quite crazy, and it’s safe to say it has. The simple truth is that men are extraordinarily difficult to understand.

Some men just want sex. And that’s fine. I’ve fallen in this category for a majority of my life. What is better than some rough, down to fun sex with no strings? Especially when you don’t have to worry about what this person is going to think the next day. This kinda guy is good for one thing, and it’s not someone to bring to Sunday brunch. It’s a casual fling, with not a lot of thoughts put into it and ZERO feelings. There is another kind of man, and he’s definitely different.

Some men want a companion. A relationship. I’ve always found that there’s these women out there that basically go from relationship to relationship and never spend a single moment of their lives single figuring out exactly who they are and what they want. There’s also men like this. Some men just want the ability to come home to someone who cares about them, have their boring missionary sex and be done with it. The trick here I think that women are missing but need to learn is to not try to change a guy from one mindset to another.

If I am just looking to get laid, and I tell you I just want to fuck, convincing me that a relationship with you will be worth while is going to be pretty unlikely. You’re never going to change a guy like that. Odds are you’re not the one he’s looking for and even if you were he’s not going to realize it until much too late. You’re never going to alter our brains. We’re stuck in our ways and pig headed to the point where unless you’re an absolute dime who loves football and beer, we’re probably not going to notice you’re right for us until you’re leaving. I wonder why that is.

I’ve had to ask myself repeatedly what it is about me or men in general that makes us so easily swayed. Why for no apparent reason we automatically assume that the grass is always greener on the other side. I wish I could tell you word for word what men want. What it is we’re looking for, and what is important to us. But the truth is that no guy is the same. Take your standard tits vs ass guy. Do we ever agree? No. I think there really are no right or wrong answers in regards to what a man wants. I can say that when you do find the right person, it works. It shouldn’t be a constant struggle, you shouldn’t have to work every single day to make something work. Relationships are obviously work, but when you find the right one it should just click.

Look ladies, the fact of the matter is that you have 99% of the power when it comes to men. And you need to start realizing this. You hold all the cards and you open all the doors. The fact is if you don’t give me your number you’re never going to find out whether I just want to bang or I’m looking for the love of my life. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but when things go wrong with men it usually can be directly attributed to you not looking at the signs that are presented to you regarding what type of guy we are. Realize that you own us. Period, end of story. Take the power you have over us and use it to your advantage. Find the guy who’s looking for what you want and things will work. Try turning the one night stand guy from Halloween into your boyfriend, and well things aren’t likely to work out.

I can tell you nothing about what men want. I can however tell you a little bit about what I want. I’ve spent the majority of my life single and loving it. I’ve had incredible nights with incredible women and at this point of my life, the rat race of the dating game just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore. Fact is, I’m sick of the dumb bullshit and the drama. I want someone I can chill with. I want someone I can go out binge drinking with and at the same time stay in and watch a movie with. Even more important I want someone who’s sexy but also reserved. As Ludacris said, I’m looking for a “lady in the street but a freak in the bed” and basically every guy is. That much is true. What I’m sick of is a confused girl who is going to screw around behind my back or not know what she wants. I am completely done with the games, I’m done with wasting my time. I am definitely not ready nor looking for a relationship but the signs are pointing to me being over a casual one night stand. And to be fair, what’s so wrong with that anyway?

Dating is done. Seriously, who goes on dates anymore? It’s all about hooking up, getting a number, grabbing a drink and getting down. I think I’m the only single guy I know that actively takes a girl out to a restaurant on a first date. There’s a reason for this. If you take a girl out and show her you’re more than some douche looking to just get in her pants odds are you’re going to get a second date at least. Call me old fashioned, but a nice dinner is worth the money to get to know someone at least initially. For me, it’s not about the money and I get why people are stingy when it comes to going out with people they don’t know. Look I get it. Shit costs money. But really what’s the difference? Treat yourself to a good meal and if the company is good why the hell wouldn’t you take a girl out to a nice dinner? All I know is the more I look around the less I see men doing the things that we’re supposed to do. What happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking towards the outside of the street and all that shit? Where did we lose it? When did it become acceptable to just text a girl to come bang? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about those instances I’m just saying why have we gone away from what historically has been the norm?

I think in an ever changing landscape of communication between 140 character tweets, lol’s and ROTFL’s we’ve lost our ability to communicate. You go to a noisy bar and you expect to get to know a person when all you really wind up with is small talk. You don’t take the time to get to know people and that’s why you see relationships and marriages failing at a 50% clip. Ultimately, push is going to come to shove here and I figured it would have happened by now but for some reason it has not. The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bear minimum. We no longer have to put in the effort of flowers,chocolates, dates, etc and if we do we come off as stage five clingers. I’m not looking for a girlfriend,

I’m not looking for a wife, if I take you out to a nice dinner it’s because I’m a nice guy and I am looking forward to spending time with you outside the bedroom. Eventually I feel women will wise up and start asking for the things that they used to and what used to be normal. Holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bear minimum and receiving what ultimately we want anyway, sex. It’s pretty obvious that you women own the cards and when you start acting like it you’ll start getting dinner from places that don’t deliver.

Is it me or does it seem that a crazy number of less than 30 year olds are rapidly approaching the aisle? It’s weird. Every single person I know is engaged, married, or has at least one child. And I’m 27 for crying out loud. Listen, I’m all for monogamy, and if you have found the right one, well then congrats I’m super excited for you. But what is this whole, “oh I just have to be married by 30″ bullshit? Who decided 30 was when you HAD to be married by? Granted, I think monogamy in general is a great thing. I like the idea. The thought of being with just one girl for the rest of my life does on some levels appeal to me. Some. Levels. Not all. And with a divorce rate hovering at 50% who can blame me? But in general the concept of monogamy I like. I do believe in soul mates, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone that you can’t live a day with out, props for you.

The funny thing for me is that I’ve spent basically my entire adult years single. And by good reason. It was lost on me as to why all my friends and everyone my age was so eager to jump into a monogamous relationship. Hell I was in my early twenties I was just lookin to go out, have fun and do stupid shit. After years of playing the same games, doing the same dates, diner after diner, drink after drink, it got old. And it got old fast. It was difficult at first for me to change my ways into actually wanting something more than a casual fling with someone and it seemed it might not be something I was meant to handle. Except that when I least expected it someone incredbible came along.

Relationships that aren’t defined immediately or within a fair period of time will not last. There’s no rush to have the talk with someone immediately, but when you don’t, it brings up drama and issues when you start wondering if it’s cool to hookup with someone else while you’re seeing them. I made that mistake. I was too eager to just spend the time I was spending with this person and the lack of a definition caused a series of drama that inevitbably corrupted what I thought could have been something incredibly special. That was my mistake, and one that I’m in no rush to repeat again my life.

To be honest, monogamy for the right reasons is a great idea. Sadly, sometimes I think people back their way into a marriage, or a relationship for the wrong reasons. You don’t need society to dictate where you lead your life. No single person has to be monogamous and nor should you. Monogamy for some just doesn’t work. Truth is, nobody is holding a gun to your head people. There’s no reason why you have to set up “back up plans” or fall back husbands/wives. Monogamy is not for everyone. There is no reason, whatsoever, that you need to be married at anyone’s pace other than your own. You need to wait until you find someone that makes you happy all the time. At that point, and only that point, you can get married. Take your time finding true happiness and don’t rush into something that might not be right.

Look, have some confidence in yourself that you’ll find someone. Marry for love. Be monogamous for love. Being with one person for the rest of your life is special. And if you’re lucky enough to find that be happy because you’re truly blessed. But there is no reason why you need to fear single life. Monogamy is a great thing that allows couples to trust one another and build towards something long term. A monogamous sexual relationship is a building block towards something bigger later on down the road. And who doesn’t want that? Just make sure you’re happy and content and doing things for the right reason. Never be exclusive if you feel that’s not what is right for you.

I think at one point every relationship needs to be defined. The longer you wait, the longer it’s likely you’re going to screw it up. I did that, and I regret it tremendously. If you’ve found someone that you think is truly worth every single minute of your day, lock them down. At this point in my life being 27, single, I’m looking at it as a glass half full type scenario. My entire life is in front of me and yet, I’m slightly pissed and jealous of others that I don’t have someone to share it with. Relationships can be great when they’re with the right person and if you think you have them don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and be honest about what you want. 

is your soul showing high levels of toxicity?

disappointment

anger

frustration

negativity

lack of confidence

encouragement really is the oxygen of the soul.

detox your soul.

“confidence – the state of feeling certain about the truth of something” -make sure what you are breathing into your soul is truth.

encourage yourself. your voice is the most important voice you listen to. make sure you are breathing “oxygen” into your soul instead of carbon monoxide (which can be deadly).

detox your relationships.

the people around you are looking for significance just as you are. encourage them. you will be cultivating healthier relationships.

there is a lot of hype right now concerning detoxing the body. there are simple steps you can take to create more balanced health.

in the same way, you can detoxify your emotional health and get rid of the toxic elements of your emotional well-being.

encouragement is a great place to start.

you possess this ability. it’s up to you to believe in yourself, first.

then, you can sow the kindness of encouraging others…and you will reap encouragement.

I am significant.

I matter.

I am important.

and this is also true for you!

see you soon,

D

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1. Stop Making Excuses – if you wait until everything is perfect – nothing will ever happen. How many times have you said “I’ll start next week once this, that and this have happened”. Stop the excuses – NOW is the time to start!    

2. Take Action – Even the smallest act is a step closer to your Goal. Set SMART Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) so that you can break them down into achieveable actions. For example, don’t just say “My goal is to lose weight” Set the goal as “I want to lose Xkgs by XX/XX/2013″ Now, to start you need to know how much you weigh so that you will know that 1) the goal you’ve set is attainable and 2) so you can keep on track towards your goal. Break your goal down into three specifc mini goals that when added up will achieve your main goal (For example, a mini goal here could be – Increase my physical activity to 3 hrs a week). Now break your mini goals down even further to weekly and daily tasks to keep on track!

   *SMART Goal Theory was first released in 1981, simply google it for a plethora of more detailed information to assist you. 

   

3. Get Rid of Self Doubt – Stop telling yourself you can’t and start saying I CAN!

4. Be Kind to Yourself - Life is unpredicatible so be prepared to be flexible with your goals and the actions you set.

5. Keep Going Regardless - Keep the bigger picture in mind. Tripping a little does not mean you stop the race! If you go off track DON’T STOP, just get back on track and keep going!

Tell us how you achieve or struggle with your goals and what they are below in the comments x 

As you audibly noticed today as I was carrying my groceries home-dressed in my work clothes, disgruntled after a day of catering to the whims of people who feel entitled to anything and everything their hearts so desire-I am a woman. 

I will admit, that as far as it goes, I’m generally a decent looking person. Especially at the moment I walked past you. For my current job as a hostess, I am required to put effort into my appearance: i.e. wear flattering clothing, do my hair, put on a bit of makeup, and smile, smile, smile. When I am on the clock, I am put together, eager to please, and what corporate wants me to be. When I am off the clock, I am whatever I want me to be.

Today, I wanted to be a girl who had a peaceful walk home from the subway. I wanted to be a girl who was carrying her groceries, contemplating what to fix for dinner tonight, or thinking about how glad she was the forecast was finally clear after all those days of rain.

But, as you made very clear as I walked by, that’s not what you wanted me to be. You wanted me to be a symbol for what you probably rationalize as your “male” desires. Sure, it is natural to be attracted to other human beings. That’s a generally universal occurrence. But what is unnatural is your pathetic attempts to “display your masculinity” by honking/whistling/calling out to me from your car window/bicycle/as you pass me on the street.

Just because I am a woman, I am not any less of a human being. I deserve just as much respect as any other person. Just because you find me “attractive/cute/sexy/hot/beautiful” does not EVER give you the right to harass me, or attempt to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. 

Just because I am wearing a skirt (which, as I stated before, is part of my work uniform), it is not an invitation for you to remark upon my body parts, to turn me into a faceless, identity-less jumble of body parts, insults, and desires. I have a mind, a personality, things you cannot see upon first glance, but which very much make up the core of who I am.

My appearance is not my identity. How dare you try to make it such. I am not flattered by your once overs. Your cat calls do not give me validation. Your whistles do not raise my self confidence. 

And just to be clear, I do not owe you anything. Not a glance, not a smile, not a single bit of acknowledgement. For several hours a day, I get paid to smile. What I do on my walk to or from work is my own business. Do not try to make me feel like you have done me a favor by calling out to me. It happens every single day. Every single day I feel my resolve crumbling as men like you treat me as an object, instead of a person. 

I hope you have a lovely day and that sometime soon somebody reduces you to a fraction of a whole so you know how it feels.

Best,

Adrienne

P.S. In case you were wondering, street harassment is sexual harassment and we need to find a way to get society to realize that it is an unacceptable way to treat people. I know this is New York City, and it is an unfortunate phenomenon that is unlikely to end any time soon, but the fact is, so many women experience this every day. I’m new here so I haven’t yet learned to completely ignore it, but I’m well on my way because it is wearing me down.

As you audibly noticed today as I was carrying my groceries home-dressed in my work clothes, disgruntled after a day of catering to the whims of people who feel entitled to anything and everything their hearts so desire-I am a woman.

I will admit, that as far as it goes, I’m generally a decent looking person. Especially at the moment I walked past you. For my current job as a hostess, I am required to put effort into my appearance: i.e. wear flattering clothing, do my hair, put on a bit of makeup, and smile, smile, smile. When I am on the clock, I am put together, eager to please, and what corporate wants me to be. When I am off the clock, I am whatever I want me to be.

Today, I wanted to be a girl who had a peaceful walk home from the subway. I wanted to be a girl who was carrying her groceries, contemplating what to fix for dinner tonight, or thinking about how glad she was the forecast was finally clear after all those days of rain.

But, as you made very clear as I walked by, that’s not what you wanted me to be. You wanted me to be a symbol for what you probably rationalize as your “male” desires. Sure, it is natural to be attracted to other human beings. That’s a generally universal occurrence. But what is unnatural is your pathetic attempts to “display your masculinity” by honking/whistling/calling out to me from your car window/bicycle/as you pass me on the street.

Just because I am a woman, I am not any less of a human being. I deserve just as much respect as any other person. Just because you find me “attractive/cute/sexy/hot/beautiful” does not EVER give you the right to harass me, or attempt to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Just because I am wearing a skirt (which, as I stated before, is part of my work uniform), it is not an invitation for you to remark upon my body parts, to turn me into a faceless, identity-less jumble of body parts, insults, and desires. I have a mind, a personality, things you cannot see upon first glance, but which very much make up the core of who I am.

My appearance is not my identity. How dare you try to make it such. I am not flattered by your once overs. Your cat calls do not give me validation. Your whistles do not raise my self confidence.

And just to be clear, I do not owe you anything. Not a glance, not a smile, not a single bit of acknowledgement. For several hours a day, I get paid to smile. What I do on my walk to or from work is my own business. Do not try to make me feel like you have done me a favor by calling out to me. It happens every single day. Every single day I feel my resolve crumbling as men like you treat me as an object, instead of a person.

I hope you have a lovely day and that sometime soon somebody reduces you to a fraction of a whole so you know how it feels.

Best,

Adrienne

P.S. In case you were wondering, street harassment is sexual harassment and we need to find a way to get society to realize that it is an unacceptable way to treat people. I know this is New York City, and it is an unfortunate phenomenon that is unlikely to end any time soon, but the fact is, so many women experience this every day. I’m new here so I haven’t yet learned to completely ignore it, but I’m well on my way because it is wearing me down. Just needed to vent.

For this reason these models of recovery don’t fully satisfy the needs of women who are entering the recovery process. In many cases programs focus on immediacy, solving things in thirty days and then moving you back out. This isn’t necessarily an effective model for long-term recovery because it ignores the issues that are likely to cause relapse and focuses on speed.

At the Treetop Women’s Recovery House there will be a focus on several issues that are key in a woman’s recovery.

Safety: A major part of this programs success will lie in the immersion that it will provide. Being largely away from men is one component. But also being away from many of the factors that initially caused their addiction in a safe environment for an extended amount of time. This will provide women with a chance to focus on themselves and what they need. Feeling safe is unbelievably valuable to recovery, knowing that you can focus on yourself and not have to worry about outside stressors and social pressure can aid tremendously in recovery.

Self contemplation and improvement: Another key to success in a woman’s recovery is finding her sense of self. Treatment as it stands doesn’t focus heavily enough on the strength of women. Through the program we believe that women will find more self-confidence, purpose, and strengths that will help them on their journey. We want to focus on women realizing their potential as leaders and moving away from the harmful subservience that may have brought them to substance abuse in the first place. We want them to recognize that they can have control over their lives and build on their skills until they feel confidence in whatever they choose to do.

Time/Affordability: The Treetop Women’s Recovery House will focus on a program of recovery based on longterm goals and achievement that is affordable too. The program will provide women with a place to live and heal in for 90 days for the cost of the average 30 day program in the United States.

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I’m trying to help one of my friend’s win a contest….

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I’m trying to help one of my friend’s win a contest….

Usually ponchos are made with thicker, richer fibers and worn when the sun hides behinds clouds. This poncho, however, is perfect for spring and summer. And yes, even the awkward in-between that we’ve been experiencing too.

Carmel Organic Poncho ($239) — Aurelia Handknit Designs

The Carmel Organic Poncho is hand-crocheted in organic cotton. The materials used in this poncho are 100% organic cotton according to the Global Organic Textile standard. No dyes are used in this piece, giving it a natural beige color. This poncho measures in at 40″ x 40″.

Like many of our other styles, the Carmel Organic Poncho is named after the city Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA. Our friends at Heart 2 Heart Boutique in Carmel carry a selection of our designs. Go to heart2heartcarmel.com or call (831) 625-5043 for more information about Heart 2 Heart Boutique.

Visit aureliahandknitdesigns.com to see the Carmel Organic Poncho and the rest of our current catalog. Contact us by e-mail at carmelaurelia@aol.com, or by phone at (209) 625-6374 for questions or to place an order. We always get such wonderful feedback on this blog. Go show some love to our Facebook page, too!

One Stitch At A Time

Handcrafted woven leather flap front mini messenger bag with dual-snap closure and detachable crossbody chain link strap.  Functionality is the focus of this bag, with two pockets accessible at the interior – a slip pocket at underside of front flap and a zipped main compartment that features three leather card slots.   An additional suede-lined compartment is accessible by hidden zipper at the base of the bag.   Signature matte ‘brunito’ hardware.

Material: 100% nappa leather
Size: 20 X 13 X 6 cm
Color: Nero Black

Made In Italy

Item Location: Malaysia
Asking Price Category: MYR2201 – 2700

Interested? Kindly email to smoozon@outlook.com and you will hear from us shortly.

About Bottega Veneta
Bottega Veneta is an established luxury lifestyle brand made famous through its hand-crafted handbags and its unique leather weaving technique. The lifestyle of Bottega Veneta is a true expression of individual luxury and the brand is committed to offering clients exceptional products, impeccable service and a memorable shopping experience.

Discretion, quality, and craftsmanship — Bottega Veneta has created a new standard of luxury since it’s founding in Vicenza in 1966. Steeped in the traditions of Italy’s master leather craftsmen and long celebrated for its extraordinary leather goods, Bottega Veneta has emerged as one of the world’s premier luxury brands. The company’s famous motto, “When your own initials are enough,” expresses a philosophy of individuality and confidence that now applies to a range of products including women’s and men’s ready-to-wear, jewelry, furniture, and more.

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