Earlier this week, my mother and I went to the local Aveda salon for spa treatments. My mother got a massage while I got a facial.  This is something that we often do together on vacations, and certainly something that I only do with my mom. I look forward to this part of our time together most of all.

At the beginning of my facial, the technician started the facial by ringing a singing bowl.   When I first heard its clear tone, I cringed and thought to myself: Ugh, really? How cheesy!  But as she dragged the tone out, I felt myself relax more deeply and I wondered why I had that intensely negative reaction.  What was it about the ritualistic moment that triggered my cynicism?As the technician poked and prodded at my face, I thought about the moments I’ve allowed ritual into my life.  Lately, the space for ritual has been less prominent than I would like.

Once upon a time, I had more room in my life for ritual.  I had little mini-altars throughout our apartment, where I would light candles and sit.  Or at least, I would light the candles every so often and admire them as I passed by.  Until my knee injury in July, I made time (almost) every morning for exercise, a practice which helped me to clear my head for the day.  I also had the semblance of a writing practice, an act which helped me remain in touch with my internal rhythms.

I feel like I once had more time for quiet reflection, which I think is now taken up by school work, day-job work, and if I’m totally honest with myself, too much television and “entertainment”. This has left me with a feeling of constant and unrelenting busy-ness, which hasn’t been healthy for me.  There haven’t been many moments recently where I’ve felt truly relaxed. The things I turn to for relaxation (hi Glee and FlashForward) have only exacerbated my tension.

Now that I’m on the homestretch for this trimester’s work, I’m looking for ways to let ritual back into my life. I don’t know what that’s going to look like yet.

I think part of it, for me, will revolve around reorganizing my home space. I have a lot of clutter in our home, but I haven’t created those small sacred spaces that I used to have in my personal space.  If I’m being honest, that to me feels a bit like window dressing, more of a decorating project than a way to allow ritual back in.  The other part, the harder part, will be for me to consider the ways I use my time.  Even if I can’t exercise, how can I give myself time in the morning for quiet and composing myself for the day ahead? Since my last paper will be finished this week (hopefully), how can I use that time for writing and not wallowing in media?

I think it may be time for me to plunge back into morning pages, a technique I’ve used on and off throughout my creative writing life.  At least until I can recover a bit of the balance that I’ve lost these last few months. Perhaps by the time winter trimester starts, I will have developed enough positive habits to propel me and sustain me healthily through the next class.

You may have heard the phrase “Sharpen the Saw” in Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He uses the example of a woodcutter who is constantly sawing wood day after day who progressively loses productivity as the blade of his saw becomes dull. The woodcutter’s solution to overcoming decreasing productivity while working to cut wood is to periodically sharpen his saw so that he can continue to be productive by using a sharp tool.

Times have changed!

If you have ever used a hand saw you might think a saw is a saw, it cuts through wood and you end up with two pieces of wood and a pile of sawdust in the end. Although this is true to a point, Stanley Tools makes a modern saw called the FatMax Saw with BladeArmor that has a special composite coating on the blade.

“Yeah, so, who cares, what’s the difference?”

Now if you were to take these two saws and try to cut through a 2×4 piece of wood, you would realize the difference in the traditional handsaw compared with the one with a special coating. The Stanley FatMax Saw without BladeArmor will cut through the wood and it will do a sufficient job. It might tweak here and there, and it might stick a bit from time to time, but in the end you have two pieces of wood and a pile of sawdust. Now using the saw with BladeArmor, you will still end up having the same results, two pieces of wood and a pile of sawdust, but you will have it in half the time. Why? Because the BladeArmor gives you:

50% less friction

2x rust protection

6x abrasion protection

You might spend a couple extra dollars, but in the end it is worth it because you created two pieces of wood and a pile of sawdust in half the time and you avoided the:

Extra friction of the saw cutting through the wood

Toll that rust can take on your saw

Abrasion caused by cutting through the wood

Now what if you could apply this concept to your day-to-day life. How would you like to go through life with your own armor which provides you:

50% less life friction?

2x protection against the corrosion caused by life?

6x less abrasion from others?

You would love it! So why not take the time to upgrade your saw?

Ask yourself these questions:

How sharp is your saw?

Does it cut smooth?

Does it cut straight?

Does it cut through wood like a hot knife through butter?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, then take a step back and look at where you can make improvement to your skills.

Upgrade Time

What needs to be done to improve your saw?

First, you need to take time for yourself.

It is all too easy in this industrious world we live into skip a meal, forget to exercise and not sleep as much as we should. All of these things are important to keeping you healthy, energetic and alert. According to MayoClinic.com improving these areas of your life can help you to:

• Enhance your mood
• Combat disease
• Manage weight
• Boost your energy level
• Promote better sleep
• Improve your memory
• Enrich your health

Second, spend time with your family, friends, and colleagues.

Studies have shown our social relationships can directly affect our mental and physical health. In order to keep up solid relationships, it is important to be:

• Approachable
• Genuine and honest to others
• A good listener
• Loyal and respectful of confidentiality when others confide in you
• Supportive of their situations and to add perspective to what they say
• Considerate of your relationships and giving of your time and self

Third, contrary to what you might think; YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING!

Take some time to learn. By taking time to improve your mental skills whether it be through formal classes, reading, writing or even teaching others. It will help you to:

• Be more productive and efficient
• Ensue a competitive character giving you an advantage over others
• Enhance career opportunities
• Improve your skills by getting better at what you do
• Become a disciplined person

Lastly, take time to enjoy life!

When was the last time you jumped out of bed in the morning exhilarated for the day with a complete calm, not thinking about the issues affecting your life? When is the last time you dived into a pile of autumn leaves, without thinking how dirty you were going to get? When is the last time you jumped in a puddle, with no concern of getting wet?

“Childhood is that state which ends the moment a puddle is first viewed as an obstacle instead of an opportunity.” – Kathy Williams

It’s about:

• Finding peace in your life
• Taking the time to appreciate all your existence has to offer
• Enjoying those little circumstances you encounter each day which brighten your spirit.

There are a number of ways you can cultivate your spirituality:

• Go for a nature hike
• Listen to music
• Visit a local gallery to appreciate some art
• Volunteer in your community
• Pray or attend church

“Everyday is a new opportunity…so don’t waste it!”

Each day provides you a new opportunity to renew your being. Take time for yourself, be social, spend time learning and enhance your spirit.

What will you do to improve your saw? How can you reduce friction in your workplace. How can you equip team members to preserve what is working well? What can you add to your team members tool box to help them produce more with less effort? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

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—————————————————–
Jason Christensen is National Accounts Manager for The Stanley Works.
He can be reached at jasonchristensen_blog@yahoo.com

Image Sources: thisoldhouse.com, cadesign86.com

A very short post this holiday weekend. I read this post on 10 Really Obvious Ways To Be More Productive, and I had to share it. They are very obvious, but I think several of them go against common thinking today. Work-life balance – bah! Work-life tradeoff is a much better term. Many of the people we consider great are absolutely obsessive. This isn’t to say that you should concentrate on work 24/7, and you can’t be a good worker without putting in 10-14 hour days. However, putting in those extra hours makes you that much better. Choose your trade offs and adjust, as needed.

For related thoughts, see this post from one of our best vendors.

A couple of weeks back, on a casual churning of television channels, happened to catch the old Gol Maal, of Amol Palekar. I picked it up in the middle somewhere, but spent the next couple of hours or so, watching it. And thoroughly enjoying it.

I had a very high regard for Amol Palekar, the actor. And if not for Paheli which he directed and made a disaster of, I would have retained that old respect and regard for him. I must find a way to erase the memories of Paheli, and retain the Chupke Chupke, Chit Chor and Gol Maal of Amol Palekar.

What amazed me about Gol Maal in particular, and that cinema represented by the Amol Palekar touch that time, was the simple innocence involved. Where a real boy-next-door or girl-next-door could be the hero-heroine and the film would still run to packed houses. No larger-than-life, no whirlwind romance, no international locations. Just a simple day to day life story, which a large number of middle class Indians could completely identify with, and enjoy.

Of course, popular cinema is truly representative of the mood of the nation at that time. And in earlier days, mood was also morose, and we had tear jerkers that became hits too. Am glad that those times are gone!

But I repent the loss of those innocent Amol Palekar times. You shave a moustache, go see an India hockey match, get together with friends in a simple garden and sing songs, and go and put in a hard day’s work, and be blissfully happy with the 800/- salary + 200/- conveyance that you get. Ahh.. the good old days!

What’s happened now?

Just far too many books to read, movies to see, video games to play, friends to meet, restaurants to go and eat at, pubs and lounges to try out, new beers to chill with, fascinating destinations to visit, cars to drive, groups to participate in…. list is endless.

And yet.. and yet.. one thing has not changed.

We still only have 24 hours in a day.

And this insane obsession that we don’t want to miss out (if we can help) on that one more book, that one more restaurant, that one more place to visit, that one more television program..

So while I would be perfectly happy in spending say, a good 4 hours, just listening to Panchamda’s music – and doing nothing else – and find immense enjoyment and satisfaction in doing so, do I do so?

As long as I have the mobile phone with me, can I control the urge to go check emails or look at my Twitter feed, for something interesting that might have come in?

Constant multitasking.

Somewhere in that, we have lost the Amol Palekar innocence and put ourselves into the Matrix mould.

I want to be different. Watch this space..

Right now I’m especially thankful for friendship, the kind that stays with you through everything and anything. Not the shop-talk kind of friendship- the real life and death, ups and downs, share your joy and sorrow kind of friendship.

We spent our Thanksgiving holiday taking a roadtrip to visit a dear friend of mine and her family. She is one of my non-science friends, but a working mother of two with whom I spent an enormous amount of time doing this and that with all the kids (who, by strange coincidence, are exactly the same age), before she and her family  moved away several years ago. She kept me sane during my last years of school and during the end of my academic training, and during the time when DrMrA was going up for tenure. I did my best to return the favor when her dad died unexpectedly. We laughed a lot, we cried a lot, we de-briefed each other after visits from our respective families (ok, mostly our mothers!). We both hoped for a second child, and, as luck would have it, we were craving ice-cream and pickles at the same time,  delivering healthy babies 3 months apart. Then, our babies shared a nanny.

As we watched our children grow up together, we convinced each other that although babies are cute, we were pretty darn happy with the ones we had, and we held each other to that. I would call her up after visiting so-and-so and cute newborn in the hospital… ooohing and aaahing over the newborn adorableness (that’s not even a word, but this is my blog and I can say whatever I want here), and she would remind me that I said I was done with that stage of my life. I returned that favor too.  When she told me that her husband was being transferred and they were moving, I was just very, very sad.

Now she and her family live in another state, and although we of course keep in touch,  I have totally missed her in the last three years.  Maybe it was just lucky that neither of us had family visiting this Thanksgiving, maybe it was a sign- if you believe in such things.  In any case, we had to go- the whole family- and we had such fun! When we got home this evening LittleA hugged me around the waist, buried her face in my tummy and let out a sob (of course that became Niagra falls). … a sign of what a great time she had and how sad she was at leaving good friends behind.

I knew just how she felt.

Waar was ik? Bij mijn spreekbeurt over stress. Ik had vanochtend een mooie strik in mijn haar gedaan en ging mijn spreekbeurt in de klas over stress houden. En u zat in die klas.
“Weten jullie dat de Europese Unie veel van stress weet?” En dan zou ik het volgende voorlezen, stotterend over de moeilijke woorden en met mijn vingertje aanwijzen waar ik gebleven was:

“Stress is het op een na meest gerapporteerde werkgerelateerde gezondheidsprobleem en treft 22 procent van de werknemers van de EU-27 (in 2005).
Advies voor werkgevers
De Europese Kaderrichtlijn 89/391/EEG, die gaat over gezondheid en veiligheid in de EU, verplicht werkgevers ertoe werkgerelateerde stress binnen de perken te houden. Deze richtlijn en de bijbehorende wetgeving op lidstaatniveau geven werkgerelateerde stress een prominente plaats in het wetgevingsdomein van veiligheid en gezondheid op het werk, en wekken de stellige verwachting dat werkgerelateerde stress op eenzelfde consequente en systematische manier wordt aangepakt als andere gezondheids- en veiligheidsproblemen, door toepassing van het risicobeheermodel met speciale nadruk op preventief optreden.

Ook de ‘Kaderovereenkomst inzake werkgerelateerde stress’ en de ‘Kaderovereenkomst over geweld en pesterijen op het werk’ bevatten richtlijnen voor werkgevers in de EU om met stress op het werk om te gaan. Daarnaast hebben de lidstaten hun eigen praktische richtlijnen en preventie-instrumenten tegen stress, geweld en andere psychosociale risico’s ontwikkeld.

Werkgerelateerde stress is te vermijden en maatregelen om werkgerelateerde stress terug te dringen kunnen zeer kosteneffectief zijn. Elke werkplek is anders, en werkpraktijken en oplossingen voor problemen moeten aan specifieke situaties worden aangepast door een risicobeoordeling uit te voeren. De psychosociale risico’s daarentegen zijn zelden uniek, en soortgelijke oplossingen zijn toepasbaar in uiteenlopende sectoren, in bedrijven van allerlei omvang en in verschillende lidstaten. Voorbeelden van goede praktijken voor de beheersing van werkgerelateerde stress zijn er om nagevolgd te worden (…)”.

“Belgie is ook op de goede weg”, zou ik vervolgen.
Veel Belgen ziek door stress
BRUSSEL (ANP) 18/09/09 – Van al het ziekteverzuim in België is 70 procent het gevolg van stress. Dat zegt het christelijke ziekenfonds CM op basis van een schatting, zo meldden Vlaamse media vrijdag.

“Stress kost de Belgische ziekteverzekering alleen al aan uitkeringen wegens arbeidsongeschiktheid 1,2 miljard euro per jaar”, aldus CM-voorzitter Marc Justaert. Bovendien is volgens hem ook een aanzienlijk deel van de ruim 20 miljard euro aan jaarlijkse kosten voor de gezondheidszorg aan stress toe te schrijven.

Het ziekenfonds start 21 september een grote antistresscampagne onder het motto ‘Gas terugnemen geeft zuurstof aan je leven’. Onder meer via tv-spotjes en een website worden de Belgen opgeroepen om te onthaasten.”

En dan zou het stil zijn in de klas. Het was het einde van de spreekbeurt. “Zijn er nog vragen”, zou de juf vragen? Tommy zou zijn vinger kunnen opsteken en zeggen: “Mijn moeder heeft ook veel haast. Mag die ook naar België om te onthaasten?”

Sandra Kruijt

by Danielle Koprowski

When children are not delightful to be with, their behavior is telling us they have a need that requires our help. Those needs are Physical, Emotional or Sensitivity/ Temperament Issues. Let’s take a look at Sensitivity/ Temperament Issues.

Have you ever noticed how different one sibling can be from another? How is that? They have the same genetics, the same or similar environment, but they are so different.

Children come into this world with their own unique temperament and sensitivities. As the brain develops we each create our own unique way of processing information. The are some general patters, but each of us is unique. For some children their brain develops in a way that causes them to have a different way of processing the stimulus around them. A child like this might be said to have Sensory Integration issues, Hyper Activity, Explosive Temperament or they might be called High Spirited.

These types of issues can show up in many ways. A child might avoid stimulus or they might seek stimulus. So you could have a child that is very sensitive to loud noises and avoids them or on the other end a child who yells and screams to stimulate that sense.

There are exercises, games and interactions that can help children with these issues.

If you have the feeling that your child might have some of these issues, below is a list of websites and books that will be very helpful in giving you the information and tools you need to help your child.

Out of Sync (Sensory Integration Issues)-
http://www.out-of-sync-child.com/
http://school.familyeducation.com/sensory-integration/parenting/36660.html
High Energy/ Hyperactive-
http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Hyperactivity-Solution-Nancy-ODell/dp/0895297892
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Moves-Learning-Your-Head/dp/0915556375/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1
http://www.braingym.org/

Explosive (Easily Frustrated)-
http://www.explosivechild.com/

Spirited (Intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent)
http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SpiritedChild/tabid/59/Default.aspx

Danielle Koprowski
Free To Be Parenting Support
ACPI Certified Coach for Parents
www.freetobeparenting.com

A Smart Car for a Smart Toy!

Being a mompreneur (yes, that’s Mom + Entrepreneur really brings out the BEST possible marketing ideas.  That’s because you have NO time & NO extra money — but need to raise your kids AND your small business, like…NOW!

One really ingenious mompreneur is Christy Cook.  As a new mom, she was searching for fun yet educational learning tools for her son. Not finding anything, Christy created Teach My Toddler, the award-winning learning kit for toddlers.

With her PR-background, Christy knows the heavy price tag of doing a traditional media buy. But she also understands the importance of generating REAL buzz and editorial coverage. So guess what Christy did?

For just a few hundred dollars a month, she got a nifty lil’ Smart car (Smart Toy, Smart Car – geddit? & applied brand decals to it.  So now she is her own traveling billboard, able to chauffeur her son across the city, while getting invaluable exposure  and a few media write ups (including a plug by the Globe and Mail).

The results? Christy’s web traffic has increased immensely right before the crucial Holiday season. More importantly, as Christy herself says:

It is really fun to drive and I love showing off the brand! Every little bit helps!

That’s a SMART mompreneur!

According to the testimony of friends who work as lawyers, the worst part of the job (apart from putting paper into colour-coded files) is the hassle of accounting for every minute of every day. They do this so their practice can charge its outrageous fees to the right clients – it seems that anything not being directly charged for isn’t worth doing (unless you can get someone commanding a lower hourly rate to do it). I feel palpable relief that I have never been subject to such officious management.

It has therefore been something of a shock that, over the last six months, I’ve become a convert to time booking. This transformation has been so complete that I book time to all the projects I work on, even if I’m not billing a customer. The reason I do this is simple – far apart from the homicidal minute-by-minute accounting of the lawyer, keeping a record of how I spend time brings a number of benefits, the most pronounced of which is a change of behaviour to spend time doing what I know I want to be doing. This might sound frankly un-earth-shattering, but as I hope to make clearer, knowing you’re doing what you want to be doing feels good, especially if you can get there without it being burdensome or annoying.

Why I book time

This breaks down into three explanations, which build on top of each other: knowing what I’m doing, knowing I’m doing what I want to be doing and doing what I’ve said I’m going to do.

Knowing what I’m doing

I recently carried out an experiment on myself, where I kept a diary of everything I spent time on for three months and then analysed the data to see where my time was going (I’ve yet to write this up, although the sister experiment on what I spend money on is here). In advance, I’d predicted what I spend time on – things like sleeping, eating, hanging out with friends – to see how accurate a picture I had of my own doings. The outcome showed that, although I’d been able to make a decent gut estimate of how I spent my time on habitual activities (such as sleeping), there was a wide gap of 30 or so hours (nearly 20% of the week) where I had no idea in advance what I was going to do.

It is not such a terrible thing not to be able to say what you’ve been doing, but it feels like we are under a lot of pressure to increase efficiency, live life faster, sleep when you’re dead, etc. etc. Even if you don’t buy into this nonsense, it’s likely you’ve wished there were more hours in the day at least once. How can you improve something if you can’t measure it? Writing down what I’m up to obviously means I have a much better idea of what I’m up to.

Knowing I’m doing what I want to be doing

I don’t think I’m alone in finding it easy to get to the end of a day and think “very good, martini time. Now then, what exactly have I achieved today?”. It’s a somewhat more pronounced feeling if I get to the end of a week and think similar thoughts. It’s easy to brush off the question and determine to be more memorably constructive the next week, but at some point it starts to feel like there’s a lack of control over your own time.

I do think it’s important to feel that you’re doing what you want to be doing, rather than just reacting to things, bouncing about. Having a written record of where my hours have gone means I can’t just kid myself into thinking I’ve been terribly productive when I haven’t – initially this record is an uncomfortable kind of crutch. However, I think the discomfort is worth it, as after a short time, making myself aware of what I’m doing means I change my behaviour to be happy with that record.

Another thing worth noting is that once you feel confident that you’re doing things you want to be doing, all the other things that previously seemed so pressing now seem less so. In other words, you’ll end up choosing how you spend time.

Doing what I’ve said I’m going to do

Diets, fitness programmes, personal development plans, business development – many things take more than a week to come to fruition, but since it seems natural to think of time in a rhythm of the week and the weekend, it’s easy to become dispirited if looked-for effects take longer than a single week to surface.

One way of making it harder to stop doing things you’ve previously decided you want to be doing is to have the fact that you’re doing them written down – it feels way harder to stop something I’ve started when I can look back and see what progress I’ve made. It’s also easier to succumb to continuity and copy across activities from an earlier week than it is to commit to new ones: if I can see I’m on the way to finishing something, that makes it harder to start something shiny and new. Which brings me on to a bonus benefit…

Avoiding kittening

My habit of writing down what I’m doing means that I often have to expend effort to change what I’m doing. I like to avoid effort, so I’ve tended to want to avoid changing what I’m doing – my behaviour has drifted naturally towards spending longer periods of time on one thing rather than multi-tasking fruitlessly.

How I book time

Now you’re totally convinced of the need to do some time booking of your own, you will be worrying that it is going to take you forever to keep up to date. Fear not! Even with a mild tendency towards data-OCD, it takes me somewhere between ten minutes and an hour per week. As I have said, I like to avoid effort, so I don’t go much detail unless there’s a good reason to (such as wanting a detailed record for billing).

At the start of the week, I take the time to write down what I want to be doing that week and an estimate of how long I think each thing will take. At the end of the week, I write down whether each thing has been finished or not and compare my estimate of how long something would take with how long it actually did.

At the moment, I’m using two methods to book time – a broad estimate of time-spent vs. an hour-by-hour account.

Broad

At the end of a day, if I know I’ve spend a chunk of time on something, I’ll write that next to the thing, with a brief note of what I did. This is pretty rough, and I’m only bothered about the accuracy being to the nearest 30 minutes or even hour. I think this probably takes ten minutes in total over a week.

Detailed

If I’m doing something that I want to keep detailed notes for, I’ll write down each day when I start spending time on it and what I’m doing as I go along. When I change to something else, I’ll record the end of that period. The accuracy is to the nearest five minutes. I usually have one or two projects running like this at any one time and over a week it might take closer to an hour than ten minutes to make the record.

What time booking is not for

I do not advocate the measurement of time-spent as some sort of performance metric. It is not right to reward yourself or someone else just because a lot of time has been spent on something: reward outcomes, not efforts.

However, the ability to accurately forecast how long things will take you and to do what you say you will are both measurable traits you ought to encourage.

Flexibles Personalmanagement führt zu hoch motivierten Mitarbeitern, weniger Fehlzeiten und gutem Image
Familienfreundlichkeit ist nicht nur eine tolle Sache für Mitarbeiter, die Beruf und Kinderbetreuung unter einen Hut bringen müssen. Familienfreundlichkeit lohnt sich auch für das Unternehmen. Denn ein flexibles Personalmanagement führt zu hoch motivierten Mitarbeitern, zu einer geringen Fluktuation unter der Belegschaft, zu weniger Fehlzeiten und einem gutem Firmen-Image. So lautet das Fazit des «15. Kemptener Hochschulforum Personalmanagement».

mehr…

So you know I LOVE Napoleon HIll. I am working on my Thinking and Growing Rich. My goal is to manifest $480 million dollars in the next 4 years. The book says to name your price, so I named one I think would make me happy. Whatever it is. Name it. Named it. Claim it. Claiming it. Manifesting what I think.

Part of getting the money–the main part really for me is gaining my freedom. Freedom to do what I want to do from moment to moment. Feeling freedom now–what will it feel like–working at the things I LOVE to do–inventing, business, working out, personal coaching, helping people with weight loss, and this…manifesting their dreams.

I have experienced this already. Sure it sounds nuts, but it’s not really. I manifested a size 10 from a size 20 and have maintained it after seeing it in my head I made it happen. The book says this and I knew it before I read the book as I experienced it from time to time previously. You have to feel what it’s like. I felt what my smaller body was like.

I know it works. I’m now working on a size 6–ripped and lean for good.

Anyway…so far I’ve been manifesting good parking spaces. Not $480 million dollars. But it’s a start.

Alissa

I recently left the world of freelance for a job in an office. Love the work. Love the people I work with.

Hate the fact I’m not working in my basement any more. Hate the fact that I have to pack A LOT OF ACTIVITY into the weekends, activities I used to be able to spread out during the week. When you work for yourself in the basement, your time is truly your own.

When you work for a company, your time belongs to them. Such is the sacrifice we make for a regular paycheck with decent health benefits…

Thus I found myself last Saturday with two little girls and a vast list of chores to accomplish. And what I REALLY wanted to do more than anything was get a manicure so that I would look kind of groomed when I participated in a major client presentation the following Tuesday.

In dropping off my dry cleaning, I realized the nail salon was open ahead of schedule. I took a peak inside, and they said they’d polish my daughters’ nails for just $3.

A price point I could NOT resist.

Nora was gung-ho from the get-go.

Lindsey, usually the fearless one, wanted to stick to me. But when she saw the darling little flowers the manicurist had put on Nora’s nails, she wanted some of that for herself.

And thus I found myself having a mani-party with my daughters. I loved it. I never had the chance to get a manicure with my mother; but I’ve already had the chance to beautify myself with my girls.

It was a blast. An investment in a manicure that reaps enormous dividends in my memory. Looking forward to doing it again…

by Danielle Koprowski

When children are not delightful to be with, their behavior is telling us they have a need that requires our help. Those needs are Physical, Emotional or Sensitivity/ Temperament Issues. Let’s take a look at emotional needs.
 
Emotional needs (for children and adults)- Here is a partial list: Unconditional love, Loving touch, Affection, Acceptance, Connection, Respect, Feeling heard, Guidance, Safety, Security, Stability, Down time, Play, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Sense of belonging, Feeling valued, Friendship, Emotional release of pain, Freedom, Power (control over their life), Trust, Positive role models

That’s a long list and it’s only partial! Can you see why so many people have unmet emotional needs? The two main reasons children have unmet emotional needs are that parent’s have their own unmet needs and that not enough time is spent connecting with children.

One of the first indications that a child is feeling emotionally disconnected is that they begin to be uncooperative. When this happens, it is not bad or wrong, it is just a sign, like a flag going up saying, “My child needs something or My child needs help.” So we ask ourselves (or even the child) what is this behavior telling me? What is it that my child needs?

Is he developing autonomy and needs to feel powerful in his life? Is she hurting and needs to cry about something or release anger (punch a mad pillow)? Does she need to be accepted even when she makes choices I don’t agree with? Does he need some down time after a busy day? Does she need play that includes loving touch and affection? Does he need some focused one on one time?

When you are in the moment, asking the question, it is often mom intuition (or parents intuition) that gives the answers. Trust yourself and your ability to feel out what it is that your child needs.

It is not always so important that we find the answer, what is most important is that we ask the question and look for the root of the behavior rather than punish the behavior. Punishment never solves the problem of unmet needs. If a starving man steals food, can I punish him out of his need for food? No, I can address the need and teach him appropriate ways to get food.

Look again at that list of emotional needs, maybe even print this out and read that list daily. Ask yourself these questions:
What one thing can I do today to meet my own emotional needs?
What one thing can I do today to meet my child’s emotional needs?

Danielle Koprowski
Free To Be Parenting Support
ACPI Certified Coach for Parents
www.freetobeparenting.com

Yesssss, I got a job! Company 2 it is, the one in the same campus as Amit’s office and the kids’ daycare. I’m really happy, because the test last week was a lot of fun, and a bit tough too, and I spoke to four people (three on the phone) and came away feeling pretty good after each conversation. I thought I liked the people I spoke to. This is unusual – I usually don’t come away with any firm impression of the people I speak to, neither good nor bad. The domain that the company is in looks interesting and very challenging. The office is nice enough, the toilets are decent (though not first class, but good enough). And they made me an offer that seemed pretty good… considering the state of the global economy and the fact that I’ve not done any work for two whole years…

We’ve agreed to a start date of 10th Dec. We had planned a trip to Calcutta and Sandakphu during the Christmas-New-Year vacations, so I was a bit disappointed that I might have to give that up, but no: this company has a winter break that exactly coincides with the period we will be away. So I join, and two weeks later I go on paid vacation. What more could anyone want?

If you think all of this sounds too good to be true… and if you think what the heck has she done to deserve this… well, I’m wondering about that too. ..

Deze vrolijke openingszin krijg ik te zien als ik inlog op mijn weblog en ik wil u die niet onthouden.
Wij hadden in Ierland een groot bedrijf met 130 man personeel in dienst en de financiële man kwam bij de MT-vergadering steevast binnen met dat woord. Leuk. Ik zou eigenlijk ook zo’n openingszin willen en broed daar nog op. Vandaag wil ik echter beginnen met u te bedanken voor uw interesse in mijn weblog. Ik ben een week in de lucht en ben heel blij met uw bezoek aan dit weblog!

Voor mensen die het heel druk hebben, die bezig zijn met het voorbereiden van een belangrijke presentatie of vergadering voor belangrijke mensen, het binnenhalen van een nieuwe klant, in een belangrijke onderhandeling zitten of deadline op deadline hebben: veel succes. Begrijpelijk dat u even geen tijd hebt om dit te lezen. Nog begrijpelijker dat u er geen zin in hebt, want om nu te lezen dat u voor uw balans op een wit strand met blauwe zee moet gaan liggen, slaat natuurlijk nergens op.

Toch denk ik daar vandaag aan en van mijn vriendin, die in de Elsevier-lijst van topvrouwen staat, weet ik dat zij altijd zegt: “dichtbij jezelf blijven”. Dus dat doe ik dan ook maar. Ik ben trots op haar, op alle topvrouwen en op Neelie Kroes, maar toch stilletjes het meest op haar.

Zoals in de Elsevier staat, is ze op weg naar de top zonder vrouwenquotum. Ik ben daar blij om, omdat het woord ‘vrouwenquotum’ me niet lekker zat. Dat doet me namelijk denken aan ‘visquotum’ en dat vind ik niet fijn. Maar nu ben ik nog trotser op haar. Daarom leek het me leuk om de doorlink van het bewuste Elsevier-artikel hier op te nemen.

Helaas stuitte ik daarbij op de Elsevier van deze week met de grote kop: “Wat mannen geheim houden voor hun vrouw. Elke man heeft geheimen voor zijn vriendin of vrouw. Het openbaren van die geheimen acht hij te riskant voor zijn relatie”. Ik kan niet zo goed tegen die onzin. Pas als het artikel zou kunnen vervolgen met: “Wat vrouwen geheim houden voor hun man”, hebben we net zulke grote topmannen als topvrouwen. Weer een klein stukje van het glazen plafond eraf. Laten we ophouden met lariekoek over het verschil tussen mannen en vrouwen. Natuurlijk, er zijn verschillen, maar ik vind ze minimaal. Ik ben van mening dat we minder van elkaar verschillen dan we denken. Het is alleen maar een kwestie van dat durven toegeven. Ik stel in ieder geval voor dat we ophouden met elkaar excuses te geven, zoals: “Ja maar, ik ben toch een man ….”.

Ja, en? Ik ben een vrouw. En mijn plezier bij het zien van een mooie man is niet minder dan een anders plezier bij het zien van een mooie vrouw. Als we daar allemaal rekening mee houden en ’s morgens iets meer ons best doen om goed voor de dag te komen, hebben we allemaal wat leuks om naar te kijken op die receptie.
Howdy!

Sandra Kruijt

Let’s play a little game! For each word below, repeat the phrase in the title of this post, then read the word, and then think about how that complete phrase applies to something in YOUR life.

For example: “You will fail at _____ if you don’t Communicate.” *A.  Marriage

*A. Is rhetorical, there is no right/wrong answer, only examples that may apply to the associated word.

Try not to move on to the next word until you’ve mentally answered the current word. Also, when reading a new word, try repeating the entire phrase “You will fail at ______ if you don’t…”

Got it? Good, now let’s get started…

You will fail at _____ if you don’t:

Believe

Work

Move

Communicate

Hustle

Act

Care

Motivate

Play

Exercise

Risk

Calculate

Heal

Budget

Compete

Run

Survive

Rise

Ask

Study

Assert

Prioritize

Sweat

Own

Shine

Dream

Change

Rest

Pray

Persevere

Give

Read

Obey

Learn

Perform

Mature

Let’s face it, we could continue this game forever right? The basic point of this post was to basically offer you a mind check. If you feel you’re lagging in a certain area, or procrastinating on moving forward with something you want or need to do, I hope this was of help to you.

If you came up with some other words that resonated with you more than the ones I listed, please let me know in the comments section, I’d love to know what they are!

Thanks for playing along and…

Live Invincibly,

@W

Story from the UK Daily Mail.

Excerpt:

Working women have long complained that their man doesn’t pull his weight on household chores.

But his lack of effort on the domestic front could actually be a myth created by his partner, researchers have found.

According to a major study, female breadwinners exaggerate their partner’s uselessness around the home because they feel guilty about devoting too much time to their career, and not enough to their role of wife and mother.

By nagging their man over his alleged shortcomings, women feel more feminine because they can control the traditionally female role of maintaining the home and family, experts say.

‘Working women who provide the majority of the household’s income continue to articulate themselves as the ones who “see” household messes and needs as a way to retain claim to an element of traditional female identity,’ said Dr Rebecca Meisenbach, professor of communication at Missouri University.

Dr Meisenbach questioned 15,000 American female breadwinners for the study, to be published in the journal Sex Roles this week.

I posted on a related topic recently, regarding a new study showing that children of working mothers live unhealthier lives.

Finding a job is tough… in any economy. So if you’re looking now, it is NOT pretty. YWM however encourages job-seeking women (and men) to use this time to re-evaluate the type of environment that you need for your next career step.

Things to consider:

1. Do you volunteer?
2. Are you married?
3. Do you have children?
4. Are you a student or plan to be?
5. Do you provide caregiving for relatives?
6. Do you travel?
7. Do you exercise? 

 Answer these questions and do your research. Make your next workplace one that is supportive of your life commitments.  Take great care to target companies that boast innovative workplace policies and pratices- those are the ones that support women, families, veterans.

A happy employee is a great one- employers recognize this even if they are slow to act.

Other things to consider

If the smell of beets makes you gag but you simply can’t get enough sour crème and chive potato chips, your Mom may be to blame — and not because of what she fed you growing up. Several studies show that food preferences may be set even before you’re born, as early as 13 weeks after gestation. And those preferences derive from what your Mom ate while you were in the womb. 

Read more at Jon Barron’s Natural Health Blog

Do you ever have the kind of day where nothing works? despite focused effort. Maybe you’re like me and you say the wrong things to the wrong people and in the most embarrassing moments when all ears ajar. Or you can’t find the car keys, the cell phone is lodged between two couch cushions, and clients have left at least 5 voice mails.

Then, to test my nerves. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glass of milk that spills. It splatters across 3 feet of counter top, drips down the cabinets and onto the floor. Just  in time for the cat, who walks by and tips the remaining gallon jug so that all mike may once again unite. A creamy messy explosion just for me.  It makes me appreciate the days when it’s just a glass of water that spills.

Sometimes my life feels like a circus. I spin 10 plates on top of a pole. Distractions fade away as I concentrate on the plates. I even take pride at how much I can handle at times, but then, out of nowhere, a parakeet flies into my plates and wrecks the performance. If only that bird would have played in someone’s elses circus tent, my plates would still be spinning.

But such is life when you work from home. Meeting publisher’s deadlines, pressing on during phone interviews with executives and muckity- mucks while kids chases each other through hallways or into walls. Behind the closed doors of my den, I can pretend such things never happen. I often wonder why the timing is so beautiful, kind of like conception.

Too many days like these, and any telecommute professional would be insane not to claw their way back to the office. Bosses aren’t so bad. Co-worker politics- do-able. The coffee is well, terrible, but I can bring my own. The pay-certainly more reliable.

But really. Why would I have it any other way? My head may feel like exploding from the stress of melding together professional work with home life, pets and toilet scrubbing, but at least I can keep my desk messy without the worry of my boss and his monthly desk check. One test I never pass, ask my husband.

To see my published work, please visit www.eliseoberliesen.com

According to  experts, Gen Y believes that work-life balance is a right not a perk. A recent survey found that Gen Y rates work-life balance as the most important characteristic of an entry-level job.  It’s not just about flextime or telecommuting, Gen Y are demanding a range of tools to “integrate” or “blend” the various spheres of life. As Jon Alsop, author of The Trophy Kids Grow Up, writes:

[Gen Y] want the whole shebang: flextime, compressed work weeks, telecommuting, home offices, job sharing, part-time options, maternity and paternity leave, and occasional sabbaticals.

The recession doesn’t seem to be deterring these demands, either. Typically, priorities such as work-life balance drop during economic downturns. Not so with Gen Y. Tracy Lynne Drye, Senior VP at Universum USA, notes:

This generation is both unafraid to ask for things older generations didn’t and that a decent work/life does actually improve effectiveness.

BPW Foundation wants to hear from you, Gen Y women. What are your thoughts on work-life balance? What are you asking for to integrate “work” and “life” ?

What does work-life balance mean to you?

“Stelt u zich eens voor hoeveel u te weten zou kunnen komen als u twee miljoen mensen naar hun sterke punten zou kunnen vragen.” De resultaten zijn te vinden in het boek van Buckingham & Clifton – Ontdek je sterke punten (en het meetinstrument www.strengthsfinder.com). Ook ik heb mijzelf langs de meetlat gelegd. In mijn geval speelt hersteldrang. “U lost graag problemen op. U vindt het een uitdaging om de symptomen te analyseren, vast te stellen wat er fout is gegaan en de oplossing te vinden”.

Een operatiearts en de sleutelaar hebben ‘het’: de drang om het kapotte been of wekker weer te willen maken. Ook ik heb ‘het’, hoewel ik met bloed en kapotte zaken niets heb. Je kunt namelijk ook hersteldrang hebben gericht op menselijke relaties. “Het geeft u een kick om de ondermijnende factor(en) te identificeren, uit te schakelen en daarna iets in al zijn glorie te herstellen.”

Daarover gaat mijn Balanstool Priorities.nu – de berekening van de balans tussen werk en privé.
Ik heb er mensen voor geïnterviewd, enquêtes afgenomen, presentaties gegeven en samengewerkt met knappe ICT-koppen, die goed werk hebben gedaan. We waren niet altijd even goed in balans, maar ook dat hoort erbij.

Inmiddels kan ik een boek over balans schrijven. Wat is ‘het’ waardoor onbalans ontstaat? Hoe komt het dat balans moeilijk te bereiken is? Wat kun je doen om balans wel te bereiken?

Met deze toelichting weet u in ieder geval wat mijn drijfveer is. Vaak zijn de gesprekken over (on)balans persoonlijk. Nu weet u dat ik niet opereer uit nieuwsgierigheid, maar om na te gaan of er misschien een weeffout zit, een issue dat over het hoofd werd gezien of uit het oog werd verloren.

Tenslotte, ik beloofde u meer informatie over stress. Stress is het op een na meest gerapporteerde werkgerelateerde gezondheidsprobleem en treft 22 procent van de werknemers van de EU-27 (in 2005). Kijkt u eens op http://osha.europe.eu/nl/topics/stress: “Werkgerelateerde stress is een van de grootste bedreigingen van de gezondheid en de veiligheid waar we in Europa mee te maken hebben. Bijna een op de vier werknemers heeft er last van en uit onderzoeken blijkt dat 50 tot 60 procent van het werkverzuim ermee samenhangt. Het zorgt daarmee voor veel menselijk leed en schaadt de economische prestaties.

En er is gerede kans dat het aantal mensen met stressgerelateerde aandoeningen die worden veroorzaakt of verergerd door het werk, nog zal toenemen. Er wordt steeds meer van werknemers gevergd door veranderingen op de werkvloer, via downsizing en outsourcing, (…), groeiende baanonzekerheid, intensivering van het werk (met een hogere werklast en een grotere druk), en een slecht evenwicht tussen werk en privéleven.

Stress kan mensen zowel op het werk als thuis narigheid en ellende geven. (…). Het verminderen van werkgerelateerde stress en psychosociale risico’s vormt niet alleen een morele, maar ook een wettelijke verplichting. Bovendien is hier sprake van een sterke ‘business case’. In 2002 werden de jaarlijkse economische kosten van werkgerelateerde stress in de EU-15 geschat op 20 miljard EUR.

Sandra Kruijt

Yep, that’s right, we’re famous. Our section bird made BusinessWeek’s list of wacky b-school traditions. Check out the blurb and the other traditions. For those of you shopping for schools, I think you can tell a lot about a school from its ”wacky” traditions (or lack of them).

If you want to know what happened with the bird and how we got it back, read on here.

The Bird on Halloween night with two of his biggest fans.