SOAK: Sir! This beer has the taste of a kitchen sponge, the nutritional value of a lentil enema, the alcohol content of a fart in a bottle and the texture – er also very much like a kitchen sponge. I believe I may be at the wrong tasting, damn your bartending eyes!

BARMAN: No sir, I believe you are drinking Speights, the world’s crappiest beer.

SOAK: Ah… yes…So I am. As you were my man.

Why didn’t they put these tastings on the same day, and let them fight it out mano a mano? The rooms are next door to each other in the same building. Would have been nice to have seen the beer tasters pile out, hopped up on piss and chocolate and take apart the tofu testers. Seen at Curtin University.