Picture: j-fin

Everybody has a film they’ve watched so many times they can speak along with the characters. It works much the same as a wooly blanket and mug of soup when you’re ill – comforting and delicious. For me it’s Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice, mainly for the striding at the end.

Then there’s those films that you can’t belive you wasted 107 minutes of your life watching, such as Gurinder Chadher’s Bride and Prejudice. I wouldn’t inflict it on my worst enemy.

Or would I? I was curious to find out what films people would inflict on their enemies. So I asked the good people of London town:

http://www.divshare.com/download/7021306-e7d

Picture: shadowtech

The time has finally come. We are getting to say NO to Uwe Boll’s next film before he even starts shooting.

Seems like the man who always finds funding for his ridiculous films and gets certain stars to appear in front of his lens is finally having trouble getting funding for his next sacrilege on celluloid. He is asking fans (does he really have fans?) to donate $49 each to help him raise the $18.5 million needed for his next celluloid waste, a terrorist thriller called Blackout.

The brainless suckers who will fork out that kind of money are promised a limited-edition DVD of the film and a chance to win a trip to the set and other prizes, including up to $50 000 in cash. But better be quick. The site will only be open until March 31. If the target amount isn’t reached by the deadline, he will either try to work with a smaller budget or return 27 euros or $40 to the investors.

What a deal, huh. You give the worst director that ever walked this earth $49 so he can commit his next crime against humanity and the arts and shouldn’t that work out he will give you $40 back. Now that’s neat. Should it work out you get a DVD of one of the worst films ever made, maybe get to be on his set, where you can learn how NOT to make films or might get to win $50 000 in cash. I seriously hope no one gets blinded by maybe winning $50 000.

We are given the chance to send a signal and have this idiot right where we want him – to not be able to make any more films. If you know anyone who donates for this crap let me know. I give everyone a free pass to bash some sense into those brainless suckers. Not that that will do you any good in court.

Thanks to Slanderer for reminding me about films made in Perth. I should have remembered, because I was involved in a few of the tax write-off stinkers made in Perth in the late 1980’s myself. Day of The Panther was made in 1988, “starring” John Stanton as a kung fu mystic. Stanton is probably best remembered for playing Malcolm Fraser in The Dismissal. He was also the TV cop Bellamy. Stanton is William Anderson, who plays Master Splinter to Jason Blade’s Ninja Turtle. The film also featured the prolific Michael Carman. I seem to remember the guy from the old John West ads was in it too. Can’t remember his name. Stanton didn’t do much high kicking himself, but I seem to remember he transferred his power by telepathy to Jason Blade the young martial artist, played by Edward Stazak. I think John Stanton had to fly home early, so he directs one big fight by mindpower, from bed. A lot of the action took place in the abandoned South Fremantle power station, which I have a picture of somewhere

I was a lighting assistant for most of the film, but unfortunately I never made it to the credits. Was great fun to work on, but unfortunately the movie gives risible a bad name. Very funny reviews at IMDB here. Well worth a look. The sequel Strike of The Panther was shot at the same time. I am not sure what action went with which movie. Other Perth locations were the Mount Hospital, “Chinatown” in Roe St, and the Chinese restaurant on Mill Point Rd near the freeway, was I think a triad lair.

I worked on another Perth movie that was frequently in the worst of all time list (and I made the credits this time). Involved zombies. Anyone can remember what it was?

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