No, sorry gang – it’s The Old Silly, but I promise all you Adam Atom fans he’ll be back in his regular Monday spot next week. Today I’m asking y’all to cut me some bloggy slack, I’m busy all day preparing for a week of holiday travel. Gonna be heading out to The Big Apple to visit my son, drive him back here to Michigan for a good ol’ Wilson family reunion on Thanksgiving, and then … catching my breath and catching up on regular blogcasting. I do have posts scheduled to go up all week, so fear not … you will not be deprived of your daily dose of Free Spirit!

Today I thought I’d put up a special rendition of one of my all time favorite songs, performed by Lous Armstrong. Many of you, I’m sure, are familiar with it, but this clip is special in its visual accompaniment to the lyrics and tones. So, in the spirit of gearing up for this Thanksgiving, I would ask you to relax for the next two minutes, breathe deep, and meditate on all the beauty around us in this miraculous, marvelous creation.

Does our world have its faults? Are there problems, challenges facing us as a race of people and our environment as we move forward? Yes, and of course there are. But remember, we receive more of what we focus on and sincerely desire. Join me now in focusing on “What a Wonderful World” we have.

Blog dismissed, my friends. Oh – if you are a blogger that the Old Silly visits regularly, please understand over the next few days I am largely without internet access, travelling and all, but I will do my best to visit y’all as much as possible. Wifi cafe breaks, that sort of thing. And even if I don’t get a comment in every day, I am always with you in spirit. And again, there will be daily posts up here all week.

Have a great holiday week, see you here, there, and everywhere, and remember what a wonderful world we can continue to enjoy and make together with our thoughts and actions of love for each other.

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Dear Old Silly-

I work as a secretary at a large commodities firm. I’ve been divorced for seven years and haven’t been dating much, but … well, the other day this suit just walked up to me – he’s one of the hot shot VP’s around here, I only know him as Mr. Smartz, but trust me, this guy is a HUNK! Well anyway, he’s never given me so much as a second glance, or so I thought, in like – forever, since I’ve been working here, but he suddenly comes over to my desk, bends down and whispers in my ear, “You know, if you would lose 30 pounds, cut your make-up in half, stop smoking and chewing gum, and dress more professionally, I would ask you out.”

Then he saunters off, leaving me like, all wondering, wtf? I don’t know what to make of this, Old Silly. Should I take it as a compliment, that he thinks I’m basically attractive, or should I be insulted that he feels he can just casually insist I change and be all what he want me to be? Please help me – I don’t have any idea how to react or what to do in this case.

Sincerely,

Ms. Alotta Pounds

Dear Ms. Alotta Pounds-

I bet if you lost 30 pounds, cut your make-up in half, stopped smoking and chewing gum (I assume loudly, as in smacking), and dressed more professionally you would be much more attractive, no matter what amount of “basic” attractiveness you have about you now. Additionally, should you take that man’s counsel, shape up and manage to land this … hunk, as you refer to him, I would advise you to do it for your self and not for him. Your own self-image and inner peace are of the utmost importance here, not living up to some (possibly) control freak’s image of you. So. Do all that, for those reasons, and then if all works out well for the both of you, take his last name at the wedding so that the next time you write me I can reply to you as, ‘Dear Ms. Alotta Smartz’-

Yours Very Truly

The Old Silly

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Ostatnio nie lubię przebudzeń. Wstawania, gdy chce się spać, nigdy nie kochałem, ale od jakiegoś czasu przeniosło się to na kolejny poziom. Budzę się, wyłączam komórkę, przecieram oczy i witam nowy dzień. Znowu. Straszne poczucie beznadziejności. Wczesne myśli, impresje, refleksje, że wszystko to takie miałkie. Co z tego, że to, co z tego, że coś przeciwnego. Człowiek, Bóg, cel, brak celu, życie i różne warianty jego przeżycia. Dostrzegam, że do żadnego z najpopularniejszych nijak nie mogę się wpasować. Krążę swoją zapuszczoną ścieżką.

Wieczory też często nie są najprzyjemniejsze. Pomiędzy pierwszym punktem dnia a punktem ostatnim jest mnóstwo punktów kolokwialnie mówiąc fajnych, ale te dwie skrajności nijak nie potrafią mnie do siebie przekonać. Nie wiem, czy to wina jesieni, czy mojej niepokonanej wewnętrznej jakubowości, ale o tej porze dnia zalewa mnie jakiś mix nostalgii i niepewności. Nie topię się, kiedyś się w tym topiłem, teraz to tak jakoś obok przepływa.

EDIT

Aż wielkimi literami walnę, niech będzie. Przeczytałem to, co naskrobałem przed chwilą, i jest to urocze owszem, ale takie kutratata przygnębiająco beztreściwe. Doszedłem do wniosku, że miło by było dla odmiany napisać coś konkretnego. Na przykład:

- jako przykład czegoś beznadziejnie beztreściwego mogę podać jeszcze najnowszy teledysk pana Mansona. Facet się wypalił, czego teledysk jest jeszcze większym poświadczeniem od ostatniej płyty. Klip jest zrobiony pod balladkową piosenkę Running to the edge of the world, do której obrazki wyobrażałem sobie nieco inne, a mianowicie w moich wizualizacjach do tej przesympatycznej pioseneczki wyobrażałem sobie bięgnącego radośnie i podskakującego w chwilach co większego uniesienia Mansona trzymającego za rękę jakąś piękną dziewuszkę. Biegną po słonecznej łączce oczywiście. Ale tyle moje wizji, która bardziej pasowała do – jak na tego pana – idyllycznej muzyki. Co tam ja, nawet w słowa się nie wsłuchiwałem i w ich głębię (bo jakąś zapewne mają), więc co ja tam wiem. Oryginalna wersja wygląda tak: przez cztery pierwsze minuty obserwujemy jak MM mizia się z firanką, a w kolejnych dwóch możemy zobaczyć, jak zabija dziewczynę, z którą zapewne miział się wcześniej. Czytałem komentarze, jakoby zastosowana była inwersja, wiecie, zamiast AB zrobię BA i będę genialny jak Lynch, co dosłownie znaczyłoby tak, że najpierw Manson zabija dziewuszkę, a potem mizia się z firanką i powoli uświadamia sobie, że zrobił nienajrozsądniej, bo lepiej niż z firanką miziać się z dziewuszką, nawet jeśli to zła kobieta była. Taka głębia, panie i panowie! Nudna ta głębia jak cholera. Dobrze przynajmniej, że piosenka jeszcze nie najgorsza (oj, był taki kaszmar na ostatnim albumie, który w połączeniu z takim teledyskiem byłby nie do zniesienia).

- kupiłem dzisiaj nową komórkę, bo stara się zaczynała sypać. Świnie w Orange oczywiście nie chciały mi żadnej sprzedać, więc musiałem do komisu zajść. Kupiłem jakiegoś SE za dwie stówy i na razie się nie rozleciał, więc start nie jest zły. Taka ciekawostka – niesamowite, ile rzeczy można się dowiedzieć o właścicielu z zawartości komórki? Nie za dużo, ale ciekawych rzeczy. Cóż, poprzedni właściciel nie usunął niczego z telefonu, tak więc aparat dostał się w me dłonie z całym dobrodziejstwem inwentarza: smsy, album Enyi w mp3, zdjęcie ściany na Radziszewskiego z napisem “Stop zwolnień na UMCS” oraz zdjęcie chomika, a także grafiki, w skład których wchodzi pięć ikon. A jedna – “Święta rodzina” – nawet jako wygaszacz działała. Fascynujące. Cóż, student KULu zapewne. Ach, jeszcze znalazłem aplikację z Biblią w basic english. Tę akurat zachowam.

- last but not least, Tusk przeprowadza rewolujcę, zabrać veto prezydentowi, a samego prezydenta zabrać wyborcom do wybierania. Mi to pasuje. Na wp za to internauci krzyczą “zdrada!”, jak to samo wp na głównej stronie postanowiło napisać. Wp coraz bardziej tabloidowate się robie, cóż robić – to taka ogólna myśl, nie wynikająca z powodu opinii internautów. Owych komentarzy nie czytałem, ale ze “zdradą” tak czy siak zgodzić się nie mogę. Jak słusznie zauważył premier, taka sytuacja, jaka jest teraz, że co rząd poda, to prezydent zavetuje, bo mu Wielki Brat tak powie, jest groteską. A potem ustawa leci jeszcze gdzieś i tak włóczy się tak bez sensu, żeby wyrobić sobie piękny polski czas. Jak już się wybiera rząd, to powinno być tak, że nowowybrana władza rządzi, a nie użera się z prezydentem, który jakimś trafem jest z innego ugrupowania. I zamiast czegoś jest nic, a zamiast zmian jest ujadanie. Moim skromnym zdaniem, to najlepszą opcją jest rozpieprzenie tego wszystkiego i zostawienie jedynie kilka osób jak np w Szwajcarii, którym naprawdę zależałałoby na państwie. Po co utrzymywać tłumy posłów, którzy nigdy się ze sobą nie dogadają, hobby większości z nich to zaprzeczanie sobie nawzajem, a części zależy tylko na wysokiej pensji i immunitecie, dzięki któremu mogą być traktowani jak nad ludzie. O imbecylach, którzy rzadko kiedy w czasie swojej kadencji potrafią znaleźć drzwi wejściowe do sali obrad aż żal wspominać.
Mało realne, dobrze więc, jeśli uda się premierowi usprawnić pracę rządu choć o tyle. O ile mu się uda.

- jeszcze grypa mi się przypomniała. Epidemia, strach wyjść z domu, strach okno otworzyć. Nic tylko nałożyć maskę gazową i schować się pod łóżko.

Sizin için Word Press temalarını internette özenle seçerek tanıtmaya devam ediyorum. Headsetoptions sitesi en güzel ve süper wp thems arşivi oluşturmuş. Buradan hem temaların nasıl göründüğüne demo olarak görebilir, hemde sevdiğiniz word press temalarını download adebilirsiniz. Kolay gelsin.

“Excessive and silly building codes, along with laws that protect us from our own stupidity, and any and all man-made rules of like ilk, are part of an insidious conspiracy to weaken the gene pool.”

~~~ Thus sayeth The Old Silly

And to wit, I give these three quick examples (from amongst dozens I could cite at the drop of a toupee) as evidence:

1. Mandatory seat belt wearing whilst driving an automobile. It is obvious that wearing a seat belt is safer than to not wear one. Only an idiot cannot see the wisdom of such. Those without the smarts to figure that out must needs be eliminated by their own stupidity – not protected by the government in order to live on and procreate. 

2. Mandatory helmet wearing for motorcyclists.

See above. Ditto.

3. “Thou shalt not install an electrical outlet or switch, or any other electrical device within 6′ of the center of a bathtub,” thus mandateth the building department evil conspirators.

Again, if someone is so poorly lacking in gray matter between the ears to not know better than to be lollygaggin’ around in a pool of water, realize he or she wants to turn a light on or off, and have the lazy, foolhardy notion to stay in the water and stretch, reaching out for and manually operating an electrical switch, well …

Natural selection dictates that person is best, for the good of humanity as a whole, shocked to death – rather than to have further opportunity to breed.

So – who else has one? Who can contribute to today’s silly laws and rules, evidence and proof of support for my conspiracy theory? 

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Bạn muốn tạo cho blog mình sử dụng WP có phần giơi thiệu tin / bài viêt mới / nóng , mà gây được sự chú ý của nhiều người, và thu xu thế hiện nay, các web/blog đều có các slide giới thiệu kiều đó.Vậy có những plugin nào làm việc này.Các bạn xem phần giới thiệu 5 plugin sau đây:

1.Featurific :
WordPress plugin that displays
featured items, in a beautiful and professional flash
gallery, Its available for free for both
WordPress and Non-WordPress Users.

Features :

• Easy to install and highly customizable
• Runs in Flash 8
• 21 Templates to choose from.
• Customizable text, backgrounds, and images
• Works on any server, out of the box
• Runs in any browser
• Based on XML.
• Works on
  WordPress blogs, and also with general sites.
• Can also be placed in the sidebar.

Download : Featurific

2.FeatPlug : This script can generate ‘featured content’ section for your site using the suitable stories. It can also run as a standalone script or even integrate into any other Blog/CMS/Forum software.

Features :

• Image caching
• Template support ( Uses any JS/Ajax script to output the contents!)
• Layered architecture : input_layer (Standalone,
  WordPress etc) ? featplug engine ? output theme (simple banners, slide show etc)
• Image enlarging
• Broken Image Checking
• Supports
  WordPress MU: As of 0.62 release

Usage : In
WordPress you can run the plugin in either as a widget or call the following functions directly in your template.

• featplug_wp_render()
• featplug_wp_render_slideshow()
• featplug_wp_render_banners()

FeatPlug :  Download |   Demo

3.
Featured Content
Gallery Plugin v2.0 (FCS) By WPElemets is a script based on Smooth Gallery to display a
gallery of
featured posts of a single category.This plugin makes use of the Custom Field Option of
WordPress, to display the images in the
featured
gallery of one Category.

Features :

• Single category only suppported.
• Height,Width and Text Overlay values can be configured
• Can be displayed on the
  WordPress Blog, by using the following php statemet

<?php include (ABSPATH . ‘/wp-content/plugins/content-gallery/gallery.php’); ?>

How To Use :

• Select the category you set within the plugin options page,
• Upload an image to be displayed within the
  gallery and paste the path to that image in a custom field called “articleimg”.

Download Featured Content Gallery V 2.0

4.
Featured Category Slideshow / FCS

This plugin is also based on Smooth
Gallery similar to
Featured Content Gallery by WPElements.The only difference it that this pulgin always shows the 4 newest posts in the slideshow. Older posts will just be automatically be removed out of the slideshow without being deleted from the blog.

Instructions :

• Create a new category called FCS
• Assign at least 4 posts to the new FCS-category
• Every post has to contain a key called “leadimage” customfield with the value to the image.
• and paste the following code where you want the slideshow to appear

<?php include (ABSPATH . ‘/wp-content/plugins/fcs/gallery.php’); ?>

• You can also make the slideshow to change slides automatically, by changing the         “timed: false” to “timed: true” in
  gallery.php present in the plugin folder.

Featured Category SlideShow(FCS): HomePage |  Download .

5.d13slideshow

This
WordPress Plugin creates an animated slideshow of a maximun of 10 posts.D13Slideshow makes use of the script.aculo.us and Prototype JavaScript frameworks.The image for the slideshow are automatically extracted from the post for display.

Features :

• Adjustable Height and Width
• Maximum of 10 posts
• Customize the screen
  time for which each article will be shown.
• You can add a slideshow directly into your theme files using the following line of PHP code:

<?php d13slideshow(); ?>

• For each post you have to have a key “promoimage” and an absolute URL of the image as the value.

d13slideshow
Gallery : HomePage |  Download

One of the great pleasure of haunting the hallowed halls of Bloggydom is the friends you make. Today’s guest poster is special to me because, like the Old Silly, she is an old Hippie.

Yes! Power to the people! Right on, sister! Hell no – we won’t go!

Ooops – let me stop. Ahem.

Anyway,  Julie, pictured here with her darling pet canine,  has been on virtual tour and is gracing us today on this, the last stop of the tour, with a special article she wrote just for us here at Free Spirit. I now turn this blog over to author and graphic artist, Julie Lomoe, with her guest post, titled: 

Scents of the Sixties

Whew, I finally made it! This is the tenth and final stop on my inaugural Blog Book Tour, and it’s been a wild ride. A few days ago, I said that by the time I reached Marvin’s blog, I might well be writing about my bathroom habits. Well, not quite, but – SPOILER ALERT – I’m going to talk about body odor. If that grosses you out, maybe you should skip this blog.

To put my prediction in context: Since I started this tour two weeks ago, I’ve disclosed quite a bit about myself and my personal history – in particular my bipolar diagnosis and how it’s influenced my mystery novels, especially Mood Swing: The Bipolar Murders. In their comments, people have lauded me for my courage and honesty in letting it all hang out. The more praise I get, the more personal my disclosures become. It’s a simple matter of positive reinforcement; I learned all about it decades ago when I took B.F. Skinner’s Human Behavior course at Harvard. (By the way, he had a daughter named Julie – he raised her in the infamous “Skinner Box.”)

Back to body odor: like Marvin, I’m an old Hippie, and I know he enjoyed my posts about the 1969 Woodstock Festival, where I won a prize for my paintings.

(Psssst! Old Silly here … Julie provided me with this … a photo of an award-winning painting she did of Jimi Hendrix that she showed at the 1969 Woodstock  Music and Arts Festival) 

(Groovy, eh? Okay, sorry … back to Julie)

The growing sense of community I’m experiencing as I widen my circle of friends on the Internet reminds me in many ways of the spirit of the 60’s. At the height of Flower Power, I was a newly divorced (well, at least amicably separated) woman in my twenties and a pioneer settler in the cast iron district in Lower Manhattan that was becoming known as SoHo. When I renovated my first loft on Broome Street, I put in a minimal bathroom with the cheapest tin shower stall I could find. Incidentally, that loft was diagonally across the street from the one where Heath Ledger died. The articles on his death all described the neighborhood as luxurious and upscale, but it was anything but back then.

As I recall, bodily hygiene wasn’t a high priority in the 60’s, for myself and for many others. I won’t go into the gory details, but suffice it to say we got pretty funky. And at the Woodstock Festival, I didn’t get near running water for three days straight. I’m no Marcel Proust, and I don’t have a vivid olfactory memory. People must have smelled pretty ripe, I suppose, but the odor was masked by all the fragrant smoke.

Today, sitting at our computers and communicating on the World Wide Web, we can get equally odiferous if we choose. As I write, it’s 2:55 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and I’m still in the luxurious powder-blue polyester garment I bought at Wal-Mart for $18. It’s a cross between velour and chenille, it zips up the front, and I don’t know whether to call it a robe or a nightgown, but I’ve been wearing it practically around the clock. I love it so much that if it survives the first wash in good shape, I’ll go back and get another one in pink. It’s comfy and cozy, but the day’s getting warmer, and – well, you get the idea.

Thank heavens no one can smell us when we’re being scintillating online. They can’t see us either, unless we want them to. For the Poisoned Pen Web Con back in October, billed as the first virtual international mystery writers’ conference, authors had the option of doing live video feeds, but luckily I wasn’t up to speed on that particular technology. Some authors who did manage to give a presentation that way may wish they hadn’t – the fish-eye lenses built into their computers were anything but flattering.

I wonder if writers in Nebraska or Maine become even more slovenly than I do. I’m fortunate to live in the Capital Region of upstate New York, and there’s lots of live in-person literary action. I clean up fairly nicely for my age, and I enjoy dressing for success as much as the next woman. I spend much less money on clothes than I used to, though – one of the many advantages of doing most of my socializing online.

In a couple of hours, I’ll be leaving for the annual meeting of the Hudson Valley Writers Guild over at the East Greenbush Library. If my husband were here, he’d tactfully say, “You’re going to take a bath, aren’t you?” I don’t know why he feels the need for these reminders after 36 years, because I do have a modicum of judgment on hygiene issues. But today he can’t say it –  he’s down in Woodstock, of all places, caring for our three-year-old granddaughter, who’s running a fever. Our daughter can’t afford to take any more sick time, and he knows I have to finish this blog and get it off to Marvin, so he’s doing his grandpa bit.

Yes, I know I’m blessed. As I sit here at the computer in my upstairs office with one of my cats, looking out at the lake while Canada geese honk in the distance, I realize how lucky I am. I love reminiscing about the 60’s, but given the option, would I want to time-travel back? Not on your life.

© Julie Lomoe 2009

~~~~~

Thanks, Julie! Hey gang, here’s her books, Eldercide

and Mood Swing: The Bipolar Murders.

To purchase them, just click on the titles or the cover images.

All right peeps, let’s show Julie some Flower Children Love Generation good vibes in the comments gallery. Julie will I’m sure be stopping in to interract and chat with y’all. Actually, she’ll rap with ya. That’s what us Hippies used to call it when we got all heavy and talked cosmic stuff – a groovy rap session. Rap on, brothers and sisters!

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Sin lugar a dudas tener un blog es algo que interesa a muchos, y como bien sabemos con sentarse e investigar se puede fácilmente tener uno. En lo personal suelo recomendar WordPress por varias razones, es por eso que se me ocurrió hacer una guía basada en mi experiencia sobre el uso de WordPress.

Como es una pregunta corriente, me gustaría brevemente decir porque uso y recomiendo Wp, básicamente por su estética, funcionalidad y soporte. Encontraremos muchas plantillas y widgets para Wp que nos harán muy sencillo tener herramientas de calidad y vinculación con distintas redes sociales, como Facebook, Ning, Twitter , Flickr y más. Cada una de estas funcionalidades las iré explicando en detalle a medida que avancemos con el desarrollo del blog. Es importante aclarar que no soy experta en ninguna de ella, solo una usuaria que aprendió a usarlo como tantos, con el apoyo de otros que sabían un poco mas y leyendo mucho en la web, por lo tanto nada de esto debe considerarse “palabra santa” sino una guía y cada uno debería ir realizando sus pruebas y para quienes ya tienen una experiencia el que la sumen será de gran ayuda.

Leer más.

Okay, back for another round of Carazy Capchuns! No, this isn’t necessarily the “last” carazy capchun post I’m doing, but after today it will have been the “last one,” get it? Kinda like The Last Whole Earth Catalog. What’s that? Never mind. I’m showing my age, sigh.

Anyway, last Thursday we had a blast – dozens of outlandish and hilarious captions were offered, but I finally managed to select one and call it the best, check out the carazy capchun by Quirky Loon for this picture-

“I see tank tops of pink…. red roses too
I see em bloom… for me and for you
And I think to myself…what a wonderful world.”

Too funny, Quirkster. And now we have yet another Old Silly carazy picture for y’all to put on your carazy caps and come up with your best one or two liners for …

So. Ready, set … CARAZY CAPCHUN IT!

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Back in the frontier days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food.


No other humans had been seen for days, when finally they saw

an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree.

The leader rushed to him and said,
 

"We're lost and running out of food.

Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?

 "Vell," the old Jew said,

"I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side.

Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."

 "A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.

 "Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie."

 The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else,

they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. 

"So why did he say not to go there?" some of the pioneers asked.

 "Oh, you know those Jews -- they don't eat bacon."


 So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side.

Suddenly,  Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader,

who barely manages to escape.

He rushes back to the old Jew, who's enjoying a "glassel tea."

 The near-dead man starts shouting,

"You fool! You sent us to our deaths!
We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree!

There was hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone."

 The old Jew holds up his hand and says "Oy, vait a minute."

He then gets out an old English-Yiddish dictionary,

and begins thumbing through it.

 "Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake.
It vuz not a bacon tree." He shook his head and said,

 ”It vuz a ham bush!”

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Welcome back to Bloggyversity, English Comp Class 10001.3b, “Writing With Power in Fiction.” Again, we have much to cover in very little time – studies show that most blog-hoppers have an attention span of about five minutes per post, max, so I would ask you to turn off your ipods, cell phones, black and/or raspberries, stop with the twittering, adjust your monitors and undies, and pay close attention. None of your usual nonsense, class, I’ll not have it.

Okay. Picking up where we left off last week, today’s lesson is in two short parts, and will conclude this short series on the all important skill for authors to have, that being self-editing. I’d like to begin this session with …

Quirky Loon! I saw that – throw one more spitball and I’ll have you sent to the Principal’s office!

Ahem – where was I? Oh yes … 

Today’s Lesson, Part One:

1. Get rid of weak, qualifying words and phrases.

You’ve already searched and destroyed those dreaded words ending in “ly,” but other words can weaken your prose. They don’t appear as adverbs or adjectives, but they function the same. Seek out and eliminate these words:

Almost, less, seldom, even, always, maybe, soon, more, perhaps, then, very, many, far, never, today, well, sometimes, just, perhaps

Next, search for and rewrite or eliminate worn-out “turning phrases” like these:

Of course, nevertheless, for example, in fact, however, seemingly, in spite of, besides which

These short lists contain the most overused and abused. Others exist, but this is a good start.

2. Eliminate all clichés.

Clichés are boring, plagiarized bits of wisdom expressed in a set formula. You are a writer. Show us your creativity, amaze us! When you write your first draft and a cliché seems to fit and no better phrase comes to mind, go ahead and key it in. But when you go back to self-edit, use clichés as opportunities to shine. Rewrite with originality and in keeping with your style and your story. Where you might have written the cliché, “My whole world was turned upside down,” you might rewrite, and for this example let’s say you are writing a sci-fi, “My entire universe got sucked into a black hole.”

And now, for part two of our little lesson today, I have three words for you.

Cut the fat.

Typically, a well done self-edit should reduce your manuscript’s total word count by at least 10 percent. Cut the fat and get to the meat of the story. Here’s an example:

Mary decided that enough was enough and that John had abused her just one too many times. She decided then and there that she must stand up for herself. She quickly snatched the rolling pin that she had on the counter and slammed him very hard, right squarely in the forehead with it.

The above example is loaded with unnecessary words that slow the action. Look at all the needless uses of “that;” and several other words can be cut without losing any story. Look at this rewrite:

Mary decided, enough. John had abused her too many times. She must stand up for herself. She snatched the rolling pin on the counter and slammed him in the forehead.

See how much more direct impact that has? Here’s one more:

John staggered backward, all the way back into the wall, holding the wound that Mary had just delivered, his hands on his forehead, coated with the blood that was spilling down quickly.

Lots of excess here. You’re probably smiling at my blatancy. Here’s how I would rewrite this overly plump passage:

John grabbed his forehead and staggered back into the wall with blood spilling down his hands.

One more final recommendation and then we’ll be done for the day. You should have a trusted “Designated Honest Reader” (DHR). Have someone read your manuscript who is well-read and who knows good literature from bad. Someone who loves you and cares enough about your writing career to tell you straight-up what they like and/or do not like about your story, even if some of the feedback hurts. Preferably this person is close enough that you can be in the same house and observe them when they read your book. When the DHR puts it down and goes to fix a cup of coffee or do something else, walk over to the manuscript and see – which scene was so easy to put down?

In closing I’m adding to your recommended reading the following books: On Writing, by Stephen King, and my all-time favorite “how-to” handbook for self-editing, The Frugal Editor, by Carolyn Howard Johnson.

So. With that, I’ll dismiss blog and, as usual, please leave your comments on my desk before clicking off into the Blue Nowhere. Next week we’ll reconvene with the start of another highly important topic, and …

Class, are you listening? Class? What – who – where did … this is an outrage!

Sigh, lost ‘em again. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the effort. Oh well, off to the teacher’s lounge for a nice salving cup of peach tea with a dallop of organic honey …

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AaaaaannnNND NOW! YES! It’s time! Back by mega-macro-popular demand, it’s time once again to hang onto your hadrons, fasten your safety quarks, buckle up your buckeyballs, and I now give you in real spacetime continuum – (may I have a Big Bang, please) …

BANG!

The ONE – the Only – the I Am that I Am atomically and anatomically smashing-

Adam Atom!

Hello? Adam? You there?

brrzt, snap, beolaijdkj, crinkcrink, Ka-pop!

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzdt… Pop-crack-POP!

Yep, I’m here – can you hear me now? See me? Okay, cool. Sheesh, dunno what happened there, last week’s episode just went dead when I was gonna tell y’all about the cute, sexy co-ed in the back row of Professor Chase Manhattan’s classrom. And she is – now get this – no other than Laila Ali, the pretty power packed beautiful daughter of Muhammad Ali, who was perhaps the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time! Lotsa folks don’t know she’s an accomplished and champion boxer in her own right.

Sho ’nuff, she’s quite the gal, and I’m about to breeze on over there and hope to get hit on! (wink). Muhhamad Ali always said he was “the prettiest boxer to ever live,” but uh uh – nope. Laila’s gotcha beat, champ. Sorry.

So anyway, class is over here at Santa Monica College where she graduated with a business degree, and I’m riding high on Laila’s perfumed aura. She’s bout to go get dressed for another bout and lucky Adam is going to get to follow her into the dressing room! Yeehaaaa! Wait-

Crap. Got blown off onto the doorknob and locked out. I’ll wait. She’s such a sweetie, and … oh, here she comes …

Jimminy Cricket! What a transformation! Talk about puttin’ your game face on …

Pity her opponent tonight! Hey I’m outa here. Too much attitude for this atom, I’m goin’ back to my main squeeze, Molly Molecule.  Where’s the nearest wormhole? Perfect … lemme just slide through a slippery slipspace back to a safe corner of the ring universe …

(loud whistle!)

Hey Molls – here I come honey!

Where’ve I been? Oh, nowhere, nowhere at all, just doin’ my thang in the never ending epic exploits of the-

Adventures of Adam Atom!

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Får väl åtminstone försöka matcha Znogges näpna lilla kattunge...

Här kommer den skräckinjagande varelsen i alla fall...

…även om jag inser att det blir svårt!
Den lilla jycken kommer (liksom övriga bilder hittills i Nattens Näpna-serien från ett mail som min gamle skogshuggar-
polare Greven sände mig för en tid sedan…

]]> http://theoldsilly.com/2009/11/15/dear-old-silly-sunday-2/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 09:00:21 +0000 theoldsilly http://theoldsilly.com/2009/11/15/dear-old-silly-sunday-2/

Dear Old Silly-

I am completely frustrated. I am the proud father of a thirteen-year-old boy. As a former high school and collegiate baseball star who could’ve gone pro easily had I not suffered a career ending shoulder injury, I naturally have encouraged my son to get into sports. I make him go out for baseball, basketball, football, everything … I mean, he has the talent, has to, he’s my son for god’s sake, and he could accomplish everything in life I was not able to.

But he won’t practice. He performs lackadasically in games, with no heart of a champion like I have (and I know he does too), and prefers to study math and science instead of doing the daily sports practicing and workouts with me that I insist on. I know what’s best for him, where his potential really is, but the kid just doesn’t get it. It’s maddening, I tell you! I’ve grounded him, taken away his phone privileges, everything I can think of, he still has no zeal for the sports world.

And to make things worse, his little league coach doesn’t see things right, either. He won’t give all the boys equal playing time, insisting that he needs to play his best players the majority of the time in the best interests of the whole team, so … my little Johny has to sit on the bench most of the game, never getting the chance to flourish into the Olympic level talent that I know he has within him. Not fair, I tell you. So totally not fair.

What do you suggest, Old Silly? How can I instill the go-for-it work ethic in my son so he can achieve his full potential? I love him so much and I’m at my wit’s end!

Sincerely,

A. Paul Ling

Dear Mr. A Paul Ling-

You say you are at your wit’s end. I would submit to you that you had little wits to begin with. Perhaps little Johny does not like sports because he sucks at it – ever let that thought cross your witless mind? How would you, a naturally gifted athlete, have liked to have been forced to do math and science by your father when you (and I’m making a calculated and considerably educated guess here) sucked at that?

Kids like to do what they are interested in and are naturally good at. If you have one wit left, let the boy pursue his interests and just maybe one day he’ll be buying you and wifey dear a nice retirement home because of all his success in life, complete with full package cable tv so you can watch all the sports you want and dream of “what might have been” for you.

As for the little league coach? Good for him, sez the Old Silly. Sports is not an equal opportunity arena. Sports equals competition, and competitions mean there are winners and losers. Granting “equal playing time” to all kids regardless of their talent level sends the wrong message to them. They will sooner or later be smacked over their tender little egos with the harsh reality that adult life in the free marketplace is not an equality for all entitlement arena – it is a competition in which the best, most talented, hardest working people rise to the top and achieve the most.

So my advice? Get off the kid’s back, put away the balls, bats and gloves, desist with the imposing of your personally lost and unachieved life ambitions on him, and help him with his math and science homework. You might just learn something. Oh – and A Paul Ling? Do this only if you truly love your son.

Yours Very Truly

The Old Silly

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….får man väl ändå säga…? Min nyaste blogg är alltså nu uppe i över en halv miljon besökare! OK, vissa besök må vara av en virtuell natur, men ändå…! Inte illa pinkat av en trähäst från Dalarna, eller hur..?

Besökarantalet är i skrivande stund uppe i 500.145...

Fast sedan 14 år tillbaka bor jag förstås på Gotland. I Eksta, närmare bestämt…

Śmieszne, poważne, tragiczne

Takie są nie tylko informacje z kraju i ze świata, ale również same serwisy, które je podają.

TVN24.pl

Mogę powiedzieć, że jest to mój ulubiony serwis tego typu. Informacje tu zawarte wprawdzie mają zdolność do wpędzania ludzi w depresję, ale za to wydają się być dobrze napisane.

WP.pl

Zawsze potrafi czymś zaskoczyć. Szkoda tylko, że informacje są dość kiepsko eksponowane na stronie głównej. Większość w formie linków tekstowych.

Gazeta.pl

Gazeta powitała mnie gigantycznym banerem, zajmującym prawie połowę mojego malutkiego monitorka Fajne informacje, zachęcające tytuły.

eFakt.pl

Ploty, ploty, więcej plot! Informacje o gwizdach i tytuły bardziej krzykliwe niż same artykuły.

Onet.pl

Onet podpadł mi kiedyś tym, że na blogach swoich użytkowników umieszcza aż 3 banery. Informacje fajne, layout podobny do WP, ładny.

o2.pl

Fajną pocztę mają, komunikator też. Niestety na głównej panuje chaos. Za dużo tego wszystkiego…

Interia.pl

Spokojnie i czysto. Tu najłatwiej było mi się poruszać. Informacje nie rzuacają się w oczy, ale podoba mi się pasek z lewej strony.

A tutaj jeszcze mała galeria:

I am a member of the Yahoo Author’s Group, VBT – Writers on the Move. This month we celebrate our one year anniversay with a special month-long lineup of feature posts on each other. For a complete list of all the events, click here. I was chosen to have the honor of doing my feature post on Gayle Trent, and I decided to give y’all some information on not only her as a person and author, but also her marvelous and unique publication, Murder Takes the Cake.

Like to read some excerpts? Just click on the book cover.

It is, as I said, a most unique idea for a mystery book plot. Here’s the opening couple of lines from the blurb on Amazon:

“This one starts out like classic crime fiction with the discovery of a corpse and the possibility that a homicide has taken place. The narrator is a woman who is struggling to survive with a home-based cake baking business.”

Gayle has also put together a rather snazzy and fetching media release – a good example to follow in form for any of you aspiring authors – to see it, click here.

Here’s an interview I have to share with you all. Gayle talks about, among other things, her book series of “cozy” mysteries, starting with the first book in the series, Dead Pan - please enjoy – I found it most interesting.

~~~~~

Marvin:  Tell us about Dead Pan.

Gayle: Dead Pan is the second book in the Daphne Martin Cake Decorating Mystery Series. When the book opens, a police officer is questioning Daphne about a cake she took to the Brea Ridge Pharmaceutical Company Christmas party.  Many people at the party got sick, but most recovered after being treated with a vaccine manufactured by the company. Only one, Fred Duncan, went into a coma and died. Coincidence? Or did somebody have it in for Fred?

Marvin: What would you like to overhear people saying about your book?

Gayle: “I laughed so hard when–” A local book club selected Murder Takes the Cake as one of their books; and when I attended the meeting, I was delighted to hear that they thought this or that part was funny. I also love it when people say, “I never guessed ______ was the villain.” Also, there was a review where a woman said she loved the main character’s relationships with various members of her family–that they were beautifully or realistically drawn. I felt like, “Oooh, she got it!” Actually, I’ll take anything that’s not negative.  

Marvin: What inspired you to write Dead Pan?

Gayle: I was reading an article in Wired magazine about clinical drug tests. I did some further investigation, and I came across some fascinating stuff. 

Marvin: What do you advise new writers to do?

Gayle: Read the genre they’re interested in writing. For instance, when my agent pitched my first three chapters of the embroidery mystery to the editor, the editor said she liked it but didn’t love it. I needed to revise it to make her love it in order for her to buy the book. I asked my agent who the editor had published recently. With two names in hand, I went to the bookstore and bought two books. I read them and found they were more descriptive than my own books. I went back, added more description and gave the heroine a bit more spunk, and the book sold. Sometimes you have to be flexible.

Marvin: Tell us three interesting/crazy things about you.

Gayle: 1) There is a feral cat who comes to visit us on holidays. We’re pretty sure he belongs to somebody because he’s always well fed. We think we’re his “other family.” We first realized his penchant for visiting on holidays when he came and cried at our door on Mother’s Day. He came back for Memorial Day and Father’s Day, and so on. Sometimes he’ll drop by for a visit, and we have to check the calendar to see what holiday it is.

2) I have an adorable cartoon Debbie Ridpath Ohi did of me with a cake (for “Murder Takes the Cake”) when her blog InkyGirl hosted me on my blog tour. The cartoon is framed and hanging above my desk. I figure I’ll never look that good in a picture again!

3) I once got to interview the famous criminalist Dr. Henry Lee via telephone for an article which appeared in Law and Order Magazine.

Marvin: And do you have a favorite quote?

Gayle: “It’s not enough to stare up the steps. You must step up the stairs.” – Vance Havner

Marvin: Do you have any funny writing stories to share?

Gayle: I once tried to “write” using my laptop’s voice recognition feature while baking brownies and peeling potatoes. Great multi-tasking, right? BUT, there is a drawback to using voice technology gadgets when you have a Southern drawl. Although, the exercise helped me get unblocked and continue on through the chapter I was struggling with, the computer misunderstood most of what I said. AND, to add insult to injury, when I read back over what it said and laughed, the computer translated that as “a a a a a a a a.”

Marvin: What exactly is a cozy mystery?

Gayle: Cozy mysteries usually take place in a small community and involve a relatively small number of people. The reader knows that someone within the intimate group will turn out to be the killer. Think Desperate Housewives with one of the cast turning out to be the killer as opposed to Criminal Minds or CSI. Cozy mysteries also feature an amateur sleuth as opposed to a professional detective, and the heroine has an interesting profession or hobby.

~~~~~

Gayle, thanks for sharing with us today. All right, peeps, let’s show Gayle some love in the comments, and please feel free to ask any questions. Gayle will be stopping by occasionally to interact with you all. Also, another incentive for y’all, anyone leaving a comment is eligible for a prize drawing. All the VBT authors participating in this month-long shindig are contributing gifts – everything from ebooks, to paperback books, to hardbound books, to puzzle games to microwaveable gourmet hot sandwiches! (Okay, that last one I made up, but LOTS of great stuff being given away, lol)

Okay, chow, gang – have a great day in the wonderful world of Bloggydom!

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I am not against immigration. Far from it, I mean other than the Native Americans, we are all, at some time or another in our familial lineage, immigrants to this country. And even they, most anthropologists agree, migrated to North America from China thousands of years ago. But I am, however, strongly opposed to illegal immigration, and, vehemently opposed to tax dollar funded entitlement programs in support of those who flaunt their disregard for legality in our tax-burdened faces.

I recently was hipped to this video clip of Lou Dobbs, talking about the Amnesty Bill the current administration is trying to get passed. Please bite into a lemon and grimace along with me as you listen for the next couple of minutes. And keep in mind, this was aired on mainstream-supported CNN, not the oft-attacked maligned-by-the-current-government-for-telling-the-damaging/incriminating awkward-truth Fox News.

Well? What say you … sound fair enough? The good ol’ American way, right?

Time to write flag@whitehouse.org, folks, and melt down the phone lines on Capital Hill again. And again, and again, and again … this is still a country of free people with the right to speak up. Do it.

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Occasionally I like to toss my hat in the bloggy ring with some other great/funny bloggers like Ettarose, Nonamedufus, The Soccermom Files, and Me-Me King, who do these hilarious “Add your caption to the picture” posts. Great fun, and all kinds of whacky stuff comes out of the readers’ demented gray matter. Check theirs out – they do their caption posts on Wednesdays so you might have to scroll down, but well worth it.

And here’s today’s bizarre photo for y’all to scratch yer noggins over and add your best one-or-two-liner of hilarity to:

I’ll pick the wackiest winner and make an announcement this weekend. So. Ready – set -

Post your carazy capchun in the comments!

~~~~~

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All year long, but especially more so during the holidays,  I receive from friends, family, colleagues and numerous well intentioned people, email forwards with the most profound offerings of many blessings to be received if I will but “Forward this message to ten people in the next seconds!” or “Please pass this on … don’t let the chain of love be stopped!” or “Pass this on to the twelve people you love the most and then please send it back to me!” - that sort of thing. And in return I will, for this small cooperation, be blessed with abundance in the forms of vast amounts of money, winning the mega-millions lottery, having all my ailments miraculously cured, a brand new shiny Mercedes Benz, and oh – let’s toss in lasting world peace for good measure. It is very thoughtful, the kindness and generosity behind these kinds of chain emails, but …

I have to tell y’all, and just being honest …

None of them have ever worked!

~~~~~

With hundreds of faithful attempts under my belt, I’m still just as broke, driving the same car, arthritis still plaguing the Old Silly, the Swine Flu is as prolific and scary as ever, cancer has not been cured in all its forms, Jews, Christians and Muslims still hate each other, and the world is still at war.

So. This holiday season I am asking that all blessings you wish to bestow upon the Old Silly be sent in the form of cold hard cash, gold will also do, any precious metals or stones, fine … frequent flyer miles’re nice, and if you happen to have any stock in Microsoft you’d care to sign over ownership of to me, that’d also be great. Food, too. Can always use food. I’m omnivorous, so just make sure it’s packaged properly to stay fresh in transit. Thanks.

But please … no more email forwards. I just don’t believe in them anymore, sorry.

Before you go? I’d ask that you copy this post, paste it into your email ‘compose a message’ box, load up the BCC recipients with everyone on your usual broadcast list, and-

Please Forward This Message!

~~~~~

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