The two sat across each other, resting their hands on the marble table in front of them. One of the men had a sharp suit, navy in color with a slight stain giving him the appearance of shouldering the ocean at his right side. The other man was less put together. His clothes were ragged, as if he was homeless, ripped at random places. The only thing that could be considered new, and was, was his thinly rimmed glasses. The two men were going over a discussion. They wanted to create an infinity, but couldn’t decide whether it was a closed on or an open one.

“Be reasonable. A closed infinity is the only way of us to control the outcomes in it. Whoever, or whatever, is inside will have to follow a certain set of rules. It seems logical enough. It will also be a better means of looking inside and predicting what may occur. And imagine if someone is able to figure something beyond those combinations! Even we would revere them! It’s perfect. Like a filter. I think it will produce the best results.” Said the man in the navy blue.

“And you think that’s reasonable? A universe as filter? For what? It would be better to have an open infinity because it guarantees innovation! And it will be around well after us. What of those inside the universe – those with the ability to think? It would be very confusing for them. It is an obvious paradox that some, especially artists, will linger on more than necessary. The universe we plan to create will be big enough, with all the possibilities, but in an open infinity there will be new discoveries made every other day!” Said the other, constantly adjusting his glasses.

“What’s the difference? Either way, from the inside, the same result will happen. Don’t you think?”

“Oh. It could happen, I suppose.”

“Think about it. Either way, those inside this universe will be limited to their patch of it – perhaps so small that they would seem like a molecule to us! Imagine those sorts of being, with being even smaller then themselves, struggling to understand the entire bit around them? Ha! So, the results are the same.”

“Yet, that would depend on how the being is thinking – wouldn’t you imagine? Even thinking of the infinity leads to an infinite amount of possible conclusions and possible attitudes. Let’s say, for instance, there were being like us?”

“Homo sapiens sapiens surpremis?”

“Lesser, of course.”

“Right.”

“And imagine one sapien thinking that the universe was closed off. Something like a labyrinth, perhaps. There is an infinite amount of possibilities, but all those possibilities are contained in a box. Okay, think about that. Now, what type of life would he or she lead? Probably live in a place called Paris…!”

“Like where we are?”

“Yes, but lesser.”

“Alright.”

“Now, in an infinite universe, either way the idea could be valid. His or her living will be hindered though. He may decide the life isn’t really worth exploring. Thus, he or she would rely on tricks to get him or her by. I would imagine his or her thinking would be very depressing as well. You would come to believe that it is either progress within a box or the empty void of a page. It wouldn’t be right. And he or she would think it IS! I think the only outcome to be evangelizing or suicide!”

“Yet there is a possibility, even a slim on, that all the people would all end up focusing on making progress forward.”

“There is a possibility for anything! I’m just saying. Thinking that the universe is closed, in either way, would lead to the exact opposite of your ‘intended’ goal. Who cares about revering, when the possibility is war!?”

“Melodramatic, I think. Our species –“

“Our species nearly ended itself a million times before we got to where we are. And still, we can’t seem to be happy with it all sometimes. Like this. Watch. Waiter!” A Parisian waiter suddenly phased in, next to the table, towering over the two, at least eleven feet tall. “Waiter, I would like a check. Firstly, though, I would say that I found the soup you severed a little too warm.”

“That’s impossible, sir. The soup contains the qualities of both hot and cold. You would have sensed both sensations at once, thus evening itself out into three possibilities. Maybe more, if you had paid attention.” Quipped the waiter.

“Oh, well I think you have your possibilities wrong! I sensed none of the coldness in that soup. None.” The man adjusted in glasses, but gave a slight wink to his friend.

“Maybe you had lost the ability to sense the cold, my friend.” Responded the man in the navy, as to further the conversation. “Then it is obviously not the fault of the café.”

“If that was the case, then it would still be the café’s far anyhow. They should have taken that possibility into consideration – don’t you think.”

“Sir, I could call over the manager – if this is really a problem.”

“No, no my boy. The check is fine. Ten more minutes, will you? Away with you.” The waiter phased out. “You saw that boy’s eyes, my friend? War raged in them. I may expect a cannon in my front door tomorrow. It’s that sort of impulse that can’t be shaken in a disagreement.”

“Should I war with you then? We want to make this universe, don’t we?”

“Maybe… we can ‘make’ a few.”

“We could make an infinite amount.”

“Yes, certainly. But maybe not that many.”

“Oh, how many do you think?”

“Just something far lesser than infinity. Yes, much lesser.”

[Enjoyed it? You tell me.]

Take care,
Isa.

I was reminded of all of this today when the can crusher came up in conversation. It suddenly occurred to me that I’ve never heard of anyone else having one. We had a can crusher, mostly because we were too little to step on the cans and crush them. I tried really hard. Even if I stood all the way on top of the can, leaning all of my weight on it, it wouldn’t crush.

I don’t think we ever had a lemonade stand; maybe once. Crushing cans simply seemed like a good way to make money then.

Now I try to recycle as much as possible. I’m not very good at it yet. It’s just not something I’ve ever made a significant part of my life. I’ve conserved electricity and hot water to a degree, but only as a means of saving money. That kind of conservation is something I’m well acquainted with.

Everything that I do is connected to the spending and saving of money. I hate that. I hate that the entire pursuit of my life is attached to the need for enough money to get by.

Going to school got put on hold because I couldn’t justify spending the money to get a degree I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find a job in. I can’t stand debt. Much as I would love to spend the rest of my life reading and writing and going to school, I won’t go into massive amounts of debt to do it.

I am going to take a stab at actually writing for publication though. I doubt anything will come of it, but if I never try, I’ll never know. I can’t stand wondering either.

I’m very accomplished at procrastination though.

originally written on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 3:28pm

But the dry crusty earth and the dust in the air in the middle of May was telling us that we were in dire need of some moisture. The earth had some growing to do and the warm sunshine alone wasn’t cutting it.

So, after a Saturday drizzle that turned into a Sunday morning haze, the sky opened up and it poured.

It rained like the dickens, as the old folks around here would say.

And just like that the world turned from brown

to green.

I guess I don’t have to tell you how anxious I was about the types of pretty things that might be sprouting out there. I had been cooped up in the house for the weekend watching it green up from the other side of the windows and Monday found me between the walls of an office. By the time I was set loose from my work on Tuesday, it was still raining, but it didn’t matter.

I had to get out.

Because when the weather changes so drastically, I feel like I’m missing something if I’m not in it, like I’m not in on the secret.

So I closed the computer, left the to-do list on my desk and took my lunch break 15 miles south of Boomtown, to see how Theodore Roosevelt National Park looks in the rain.

I wish I could have taken you with me on that drive.

I wish you could have smelled the cedars waking up, heard the mud slosh under your feet as you climbed the trails and felt the warm rain on your bare skin.

I wish you could have seen this bison scratch his side on a trail marker and laughed with me at how a beast could be so majestic and ridiculous at the same time.

I wish you could have sat at the overlook and remembered the times you climbed up here as a kid as you looked out at the river collecting raindrops.

I wish you could have heard the birds calling.

Smelled the sweet peas.

I wish you could have taken the moment to love the rain. To be a part of it.

I wish I could have taken you to lunch.

As teenagers they had stood at the fence at the edge of their neighborhood park.  The last time she saw him he had tucked her sun kissed hair behind her ear and said he would write.   It took 15 years, but the postcards had started arriving last June.  All of them, fences and four simple words, “I still see you.”

dok pribadi

cr: snu.ac.kr

Kali ini gue akan membahas mengenai apa saja yang harus dipersiapkan untuk melamar beasiswa ini. Gue enggak menjamin bahwa apa yang dibahas selanjutnya ini akan menjamin kamu lolos beasiswa ini. Tapi seenggaknya semoga bisa mempermudah dalam persiapan melamar beasiswa KGSP untuk graduate program.

Panduan untuk persyaratan KGSP biasanya akan diposting oleh NIIED awal februari. Namun, dari tahun ke tahun biasanya persyaratan umumnya sama. Jadi, kamu bisa mempersiapkan jauh-jauh hari. Kamu bisa kunjungi situs NIIED atau Study in Korea untuk persyaratan lengkap dan kuota penerima beasiswa untuk masing-masing negara. Nah, kalau kamu melamar langsung ke universitas langsung, rajin-rajin kunjungi website universitasnya ya. Mereka biasanya ada persyaratan tambahan.

Apa saja yang mesti kamu persiapkan?

- Kalau kamu sudah lulus S1, fotokopi dan legalisir ijazah dan transkip nilai kamu (versi bahasa Inggris) sebanyak 3-5 kali. Kalau belum lulus dan akan lulus sebelum tanggal 31 Agustus, kamu harus menyerahkan surat keterangan atau ijazah bayangan dari pihak rektorat (dalam bahasa Inggris) kalau kamu akan lulus pada tanggal dan bulan tertentu sebelum tanggal 31 agustus.

- Minimal IPK 2.64 skala 4.00. Lebih tinggi lebih bagus.

- Persiapkan Korean proficiency (Skor TOPIK level 4 ke atas) atau skor TOEFL IBT / IELTS, Usahakan untuk mengikuti tes TOEFL IBT / IELTS 3 bulan sebelum deadline pengumpulan dokumen, jadi kamu bisa kirim skor cetak hasil tes bahasa inggris bersamaan dengan dokumen lainnya. Saran gue sih skornya jangan dikirim langsung dari ETS ke korea (universitas atau embassy), karena biasanya prosesnya lama.  Skor minimal usahakan TOEFL IBT 80 dan IELTS 6.0.

- Nah, kalau kamu mau tes TOEFL IBT, kamu bisa kunjungi www.ets.org atau www.itc-indonesia.com/. Biayanya USD 175 atau 1,7 juta rupiah. Kamu bisa bayar via kartu kredit atau hubungi pihak ETS nya langsung (ITC Indonesia). Untuk IELTS, kamu bisa hubungi British Council Indonesia.

- Study Plan, yaitu rencana kamu belajar di sana, judul tesis yang akan kamu teliti, dan rencana setelah selesai kuliah. Sering-seringlah konsultasi dengan professor pembimbing atau mentor kamu. Kunjungi Indonesia Mengglobal untuk rekomendasi menulis study plan yang bagus.

- Self Introduction, yaitu perkenalan mengenai diri kamu (satu lembar saja).

- Surat rekomendasi dari professor di universitas masing-masing. Usahakan professor yang memang kenal dekat sama kamu (dalam bahasa Inggris). Nah, surat rekomendasi ini dimasukan ke dalam amplop dan dicap lalu ditandatangan di bagian luar amplop oleh professor. Gak perlu difotokopi.

- Untuk study plan, self introduction, dan surat rekomendasi dan form yang lain sudah ada format khusus yang ada di panduan KGSP. bisa kamu download di website NIIED. Kemudian fotokopi 3-5 kali (sesuai permintaan embassy atau universitasnya).

- Fotokopi paspor ( 3-5 kali)

- Penghargaan, published paper, atau portofolio (untuk jurusan seni dan design) kalau ada. Semua dokumen dalam bahasa inggris ya.

- Paspor, ijazah, transkip, skor toefl IBT/IELTS, semuanya harus dicap oleh notaris setempat (tergantung wilayah masing-masing). SEMUANYA nya ya. Jadi, kalau fotokopi paspor ada lima lembar, berarti semuanya harus dicap sama notaris. Biaya per lembar Rp 50.000. Siap-siap aja uang kurang lebih 1juta untuk dicap dan disahkan sama notaris. Lama waktu kerja biasanya satu hari.

- Pas foto 3×4 berwarna.

- Setelah semua siap, urutkan sesuai aturan (lihat panduan KGSP). Original dokumen dan fotokopi dimasukkan dalam amplop terpisah. Setelah itu, kirim ke korea (kalau daftar ke universitasnya langsung) melalui EMS di kantor pos. Biayanya kurang dari Rp 200.000. Tergantung berat dokumennya kok. Lama perjalanan dokumen sampai ke Korea kurang lebih empat hari kerja. Kalau kamu daftar via Korean embassy, jangan ragu untuk kontak Kedubes Korea di Indonesia. Perhatikan deadline pengumpulan dokumennya ya.

- Kemampuan bahasa inggris, penghargaan, dan published paper akan menjadi poin plus untuk kamu.

- Sering-sering cek website kedubes Korea, NIIED, dan study in Korea untuk pengumuman selanjutnya.

- Informasi tambahan bisa kamu tanya ke contact person dari universitas, korean embassy, atau NIIEDnya langsung. Insya Allah direply kok.

So, good luck ya…Hwaiting!

Calling what I have a dilemma, though, is laughable. My son brings me immense joy, and having a passion should not be taken for granted. But it’s those early hours wherein I’ve woken up with my alarm before work, sat down with the laptop, and then heard my son crying. I’ll go pick him up, and change his nappy, and play with him. Then I’ll leave for work, leaving my current manuscript untouched.

Most links I read that deal with this issue assume that the writer in question is writing full-time. I am not. Instead I work a full-time job, teaching, which certainly saps a bit of my strength. So the question is: how to deal with this new season in my life?

My answer: let it go.

Some days I’m just not going to get to write, no matter how early I get up, or how late I stay awake. Some days, from go to woe, I will be busy. And that’s okay. I might get to think about something creative on my drive to work. While I’m writing I can have my son in front of me, and interrupt myself every few minutes to play with him for five.

My point is: the schedule is gone. And that’s okay. Now, I’m rolling with the punches. I don’t need my special desk, my one cup of coffee. I’m the guerrilla warfare of writing. And, now, I’m armed to the teeth.

The greatest piece of writing I’ve ever seen.

]]> http://wheremylifebegins.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/its-been-a-while-i-know-up-until/ Thu, 23 May 2013 03:41:38 +0000 wheremylifebegins http://wheremylifebegins.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/its-been-a-while-i-know-up-until/ It’s been a while, I know. Up until Friday of last week, I was super busy with finishing up any and all of my homework slash projects. School basically consumed my life for the last three weeks, no joke.

ANYWAYS, I’m back in the blogging world.

And I’ve been thinking tonight. I’ve been thinking about who I’ve been in the past. The girl I used to be, and how I still see myself that way. Like, guys… I had an epiphany!

So I used to be this “plain jane” girl… I didn’t wear make-up, I wore glasses, and up until ninth grade I had braces. My hair was just awful (boring mostly, and I look back now and it’s like what was I thinking?) I was super shy, so I didn’t really talk to anyone except for the friends that I knew. I was nothing special, no one to be noticed in the middle of the crowd.

Now I’m twenty years old. I got contacts, learned how to use make-up, I changed my style of clothing. I’ve become more sociable and open to meeting new people. I feel like I’ve bloomed. And even though I might still be just a girl that you still don’t notice in a sea of people… I have changed so much. I have come so far from where I used to be.

The thing is, though… Even though I’m a very different person, I still view myself as that shy, awkward, plain jane girl, the one not worthy of being noticed. I still see myself as the girl who is just there. I still see myself as invisible.

But I need to remind myself that I am not that girl anymore. And I need to believe that I am capable of doing things that are worthy of being noticed. I need to realize that I may actually be worthy of being noticed.

I don’t want to be just another face in the crowd.

I want to make a difference in the world.

I want to make something of myself and know that I am on this earth to do more with my life than just survive until the day that I am destined to die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eUUYECwiL8

“Hear a noise?” I asked angrily, “hear a noise? Most of this mess is because you think something awful is going to happen. But it never does! A noise in this house is just a noise. There’s no explanation! I don’t need you watching me. If you’re so worried, then why do you leave?”

Ryan stared at me, shocked at my outburst. I was confused as to why he was outside my door, why he had to show up, why he was even bothering. I knew something was going to happen and I had to stop it. But I had no clue what it was. All he was doing was being in the way.

“I’m just trying to save you…” His voice trailing off.

“I began walking away from him down the hall, “Well, now it’s my turn to return the favor.”

I turned around to walk out but Landon was blocking the way. “Before you go anywhere, there’s something that I need to show you.” I followed him to his room and sat down as he dug through his closet. “Darian wanted me to give you something.” Landon continued to search the entire room until he found a long black leather case. He laid it down in front of me, and joined me on the ground. On the top it had a plaque saying;

To Darian

To Help

Landon watched me carefully as I opened it. “I believe that it is you who deserves it.” He told me. I opened it and stared at the contents in shock. In the case was a broad sword in its sheath. I picked it up and took it out by the handle. It had a leather handle, and a steel blade.

I turned it around and marveled at the craftsmanship. On the side of the blade facing up was an inscription saying; To whomever uses, I will always be with you. I put it back in its sheath after there was a slight knock on the door. I attached the sword to my hip and went outside to get ready to leave. I had no idea what I would find ahead.

My fingers are tingling to write down words, to type out something that matters. I want to prove myself but also feel comforted after expressing my thoughts. I want to be heard, I want to be clear, and oh, I want to be so clever.

But today, I don’t write.

Today every letter looks out of place and every phrase sounds cliched. My backspace key is practically on fire. It’s painstaking and I give up in the middle of every sentence.

Every idea seems old.

“It’s been done before.”

Someone else has written it and they have an award to show for it. Somewhere else there’s a clearer picture or a funnier joke or a more catchy melody.

Maybe I should just skip today. After all, I’ve said I would write more this month, but I’m not feeling it. And if I’m not feeling it, no one will care and it will just come out annoying and desperate and boring, and there’s enough of that on the internet and in real life already.

Am I a writer because I call myself one or because I actually write?

Am I only as strong as my most recent paragraph?

Why am I even writing this internal dialogue down?

Paranoia aside, sometimes creativity is like an ex-boyfriend that doesn’t call anymore, and then when he does, we practically get married in Vegas that night, but the next morning, I wake up alone, covered in glitter and only a few paragraphs to show for it.

Writing is weird and strange and uncomfortable. It’s waves of inspiration and self-criticism and trusting yourself to interpret things that sometimes require no words, and frankly, I’m no expert at it. Most days I’m mad at it, and most days I’m intimidated by it, but I keep coming back to it, and I guess that’s something in itself. I think half of your “dreams” are divine intervention and half are just being consistent and coming back to that same dream and working your ass off at it, and even then, failing and not meeting every expectation, but still coming back for more. Showing up every time you were supposed to give up and continuing to pursue it like it’s everything.

I bought LionHairedGirl.com a year ago, (officially today!) and I was so terrified that I’d end up a fake who never wrote anything and waste both my money and my ego on it.

But, for better or worse, I keep coming back.

There are very few circles where “I have a blog!” is the first thing out of my mouth. It’s equal parts exhilarating and embarrassing to think I have earned a very tiny bit of credibility in sharing my life and thoughts for the internet to read, but I continue to try my hand at running whatever this website you’re currently reading is and could become.

I don’t always know why I write or where I’m going, but I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for making this year as a ‘dot com’ so very meaningful. All of your encouragement towards my writing is the icing on a great wordsy cake, and I truly read every single comment and email, good or bad, with a happy heart that you read my words in the first place.

So, I’m here. Sticking around through “writer’s block” and “twentysomething syndrome” and too many puppy photos I almost put in every post, I’m still here, writing.*

*At least until Beyonce needs a stand-in, though. Then, I’m out.

Oh, and since you made it through this sappy and confusing post, here’s a song that knocked me over in the best way. I love words, and I love them even more when David Ramirez sings them:

http://en.community.dell.com/dell-blogs/direct2dell/b/direct2dell/archive/2011/11/08/history-of-laptops-portable-computing-from-1997-to-2011.aspx: A 15 year timeline of the technical restraints and hardware specifications of laptops through the years, observing all of the major companies of Dell, IBM, Toshiba, Apple, Sony, and Hewlett-Packard.

http://www.gse.uci.edu/person/warschauer_m/docs/writing-with-laptops.pdf: This study reflects on the positives of giving students laptops and easier methods of writing through typing instead of handwriting. There’s also the matter over how the text and information is exposed to the same students.

http://kairos.technorhetoric.net/9.1/coverweb/meeks/: This scholarly article emphasizes the importance of space and how a student with a laptop separates him/herself from other students and the teacher. There are different perimeters for how the education is set up as well, considering the development of Blackboard and learning through websites and documents/pdfs that are sent through e-mail.

http://blog.laptop.org/2010/07/15/impact-of-laptops-in-education/#.UZ1DPuv3ikK: The One Laptop Per Child Organization has goal to offer laptops to all students because they believe that the Internet is such a large-scale phenomenon, that it has changed the course of all natural education. 

I had quite a few paintings, but through the years I have given them away, one by one. Others have been sold. One lady brought her paintings back that her husband bought when he was alive. I took them back. They are very detailed.

I am learning more about flowers than I have known. I chose a Hydrangea flower this last painting, and I spent several hours on it. It is finished as far as I know, and it is wild. I hope that Isaac will take a picture of it and show you the finished product. You might be surprised. I got a little wild with the paint brush!

It is so nice to have two paintings finished. It took a week to get the one framed. I don’t know if I can have a better person to frame them. This location specializes in art supplies and framing for artists. I don’t carry them to them very often. The sunflower painting was done in 2011, and I have waited this long to totally finish it, by getting it framed. Smile….. I am smiling for sure!