Well, the end of Nanowrimo has passed and I did not get to 50,000. Close, but I flaked out the last two days. Oh well, there’s always next year.

Thaniks to everyone who voiced their support and encouraged me in this challenge. No doubt I will produce 50,000 words and beyond for the novel-in-progress, so I’m trying not to be too down about it, but finishing it after the month’s end just isn’t the same.

Welcome back, brothers and sisters.

It is not often that we hear people talk about humility as a blessing.  Oftentimes, humility is mentioned in a negative way.  For example, I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about the “lesson of humility” in a negative vein, right, as though it was an experience that one would want to avoid?  Interestingly, the truth is that we all need to learn the lesson of humility at least once in our life, and in some cases more than once.  Why?  Beloved, humility brings us closer to the Lord.  Humility is a quality that Satan does not have.  Why?  It’s simple really.  Humility is the polar opposite of pride.

Think about it, brothers and sisters.  Pride results in people puffing themselves up.  Prideful people create an enhanced and unrealistically flattering vision of themselves.  They have to believe that they are better than others so that their elevated view of themselves is maintained.  A person filled with pride is almost impossible to teach, as their pride won’t allow them to admit that they need help to grow.  Someone filled with pride has a tendency to repeat mistakes of the past due to their unwillingness to learn from anyone other than themselves.  Even if 20 other people have made the same mistake, all to their own detriment, the prideful person will think they can do the same thing without the adverse consequences.  Why?  Because they believe that others that may have tried the same thing and failed are somehow inferior to them.  Their superiority complex will rarely allow consideration of the reality that the same limitations that apply to others also applies to them.

Humility, on the other hand, is quite different.  Humility often goes hand in hand with meekness.  A humble person sees themselves as they really are.  They are lowly in heart, not esteeming themselves any better than others.  As a matter of fact, they often esteem themselves even less than they esteem others.  The meekness found in a person that is truly humble is a key quality that results in submission to God’s will rather than their own.  A humble person is a willing student as the enormous barriers that pride throws up never enter into the equation.  A person filled with humility is not nearly as likely to repeat mistakes made previously, as they tend to learn from previous mistakes.  When they err, the humble person will acknowledge their error/shortcoming, and they will be open to understanding what they needed to do differently.

Is it possible to have a strong Christian walk in life while being an incredibly proud person?  No, it is not.  Why is that?  Well, beloved, an extremely prideful person is focused on themselves and on doing what they need to do to maintain or further enlarge the image of themselves that they are trying to project.  They esteem their own will in doing so as a more of a priority than God’s will.  A humble person subjugates their own will to God’s will, opting to seek His will before their own. 

Beloved, their are two great examples that come to mind that clearly demonstrate the difference between pride and humility.  Acting as the eternal poster boy for pride and selfishness is none other than Satan.  Think about it.  Satan always puts his own will first.  He rebelled against fulfilling God’s will due to thinking that doing so would somehow diminish his own greatness while also magnifying the truth that there is One greater than him. 

On the flip side, our champion of humility and meekness is none other than Jesus Christ.  That’s right, beloved, the greatest example of humility and meekness that we have is none other than the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Was Jesus meek?  Yes, He submitted himself to His Father’s will by accepting to suffer the cross in order to fulfill God’s plan.  Jesus is the purest picture of humility that we will ever have.  Consider the following words of Jesus:

“Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” – Matthew 11:28-29 (KJV)

Here is another quote from when Jesus was praying to God the Father in the garden of Gethsemane shortly before Judas betrayed Him to the authorities.  Jesus knew the horrors He would have to suffer if He fell into the hands of the authorities, and the following quotes part of His prayer to the Father that very night:

“And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, Saying, ‘Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from Me: nevertheless not My will, but thine, be done.’” – Luke 22:41-42 (KJV)

Beloved, this is the only begotten Son of God!!!  He could have called down legions of angels to deliver himself, but instead He was humble and meek enough to submit to His Father’s will.  Consider what the apostle Paul said in the following:

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:  And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.” – Philippians 2:5-8 (KJV)

Thank the Lord for humility!!!  Humility is truly a wonderful quality for each of us to have.  How does humility bring us closer to God?  Consider the following:

• How are we to hunger and thirst after righteousness unless we acknowledge that we are not righteous on our own? 
• Those who are meek have needed gentleness themselves.  Humility means willingly acknowledging that need. 
• If you do not recognize your own need for mercy, then how likely are you to be merciful to others?  Humility enables you to admit your sins, repent, and seek the Lord’s forgiveness.  In doing so, we receive His forgiveness and so much more:-)
• It takes humility to admit and own your mistakes.  To be willing and able to admit our own mistakes is a key ingredient to enabling us to be effect peacemakers.
• You cannot have purity of heart if you heart is full of foolish pride.
• How can we grow in our faith and walk with the Lord, unless we are honest about our need for such growth.  Humility is the acknowledgement of that need.
• To stand firm as a Christian means being willing to give all in order to serve Christ.  Christians that live for Christ undergo various forms of persecution (i.e. slander, undue criticism, false imprisonment, physical harm, emotional/mental abuse, etc.).  In order to make such a stand requires the humility of submitting to God’s will and putting Him first, at the expense of a harder existence in this world that we presently live in.

How does God view humility?  While there are many different excerpts in the bible that illustrate God’s view of humility, we will list just a few here.  Consider the following scriptures:

“By humility [and] the fear of the LORD [are] riches, and honour, and life.” – Proverbs 22:4 (KJV)

“[When] pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly [is] wisdom.” – Proverbs 11:2 (KJV)

“[He that is] despised, and hath a servant, [is] better than he that honoureth himself, and lacketh bread.” – Proverbs 12:9 (KJV)

“The fear of the LORD [is] the instruction of wisdom; and before honour [is] humility.” – Proverbs 15:33 (KJV)

“Better [it is to be] of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.” – Proverbs 16:19 (KJV)

“Blessed [are] the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed [are] they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.  Blessed [are] the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.  Blessed [are] they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.  Blessed [are] the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.  Blessed [are] the pure in heart: for they shall see God.  Blessed [are] the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.  Blessed [are] they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.” – Matthew 5:3-11 (KJV)

Beloved, the last quote in that list is a quote from Jesus’ sermon on the Mount.  When you look at each of the statements He makes in that quote, you can see the need for humility and meekness as a central underpinning to every group He is speaking of.  I pray that all who read this message are filled with humility and draw closer to the Lord by continually seeking and submitting to His will.

If you have not yet given your life to Christ Jesus, but you would like to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior right now, please join me in praying the following prayer:

“Lord God Almighty, I know that I am a sinner and that I am lost.  I know that I need to be saved from sin, but I also know that I can’t save myself.  Lord Jesus, I know that only You can save me.  I know that you paid for my salvation with your own life and blood on the cross.  I know that when You rose from the grave on the third day, you conquered death and provided everlasting life to all who trust in You.  Right now, I lay down my life and let go of my pride, my vanity and every other sin that has kept me from You.  Lord Jesus, I now completely trust my life to You.  I open my heart to You, Lord.  Please come into my heart.  Please forgive me of all of my sins, and please accept me as Your child.  From this point on, I commit my life to You.  Please guide me and provide me strength as I begin to live the rest of my life for You.  In Your precious and matchless name I pray.  Amen.”

Beloved, if you just sincerely prayed that prayer, then you are now born-again in Jesus ChristJ  Welcome to the family!!!  You will still have many trials/problems to face in this world, but you will never again face them alone.  With the Lord God Almighty on your side, all problems just became manageableJ  I would encourage you to get to know the Lord better by spending a few minutes each day studying His word (bible), communicating with Him frequently through prayer, and by seeking other Christians to have some fellowship with.  All of these things will help you to grow spiritually in your new relationship with the Lord.  Remember, from this point forward your life should reflect who you serve, and you serve Jesus Christ as your Lord and SaviorJ  Praise God!!!

Thank you all for joining us for today’s discussion.  I hope you will be able to join us for Thursday’s message. 

As always, if you have a prayer request you would like us to join you in prayer over, please don’t hesitate to send it to us either through the “Comments” box on this page, or by emailing me directly at jasonthurwanger @ dellmail.com.  We will maintain your privacy.

Remember, if you would like to order the new book “Strapping On the Whole Armor of God – Suiting Up For Spiritual Warfare), please visit my website at http://www.yourbrotherinchrist.com .  If you prefer to order by mail, you will also find the mailing address on that website.  This book is very valuable in helping people understand how to go about securely and effectively putting on the whole armor of God that the apostle Paul refers to in Chapter 6 of Ephesians.  We are praying that many people will receive this book and be blessed in their walk with the Lord by reading it.

Have a wonderful and blessed rest of the day!!!

May the Lord bless you, keep you, guide you, and make His face to shine upon you and your loved ones always.

Your brother in Christ,

Rev Jason Thurwanger

A new month, and I thought this would be a good time to take stock.  Ordinarily, I’d do this kind of thing in my notebooks and that’d be that, but it seems to fit with what I’m doing here, so I thought I’d throw it up (figuratively).  Probably only ten people randomly scattered around the globe will read it, so I figure I have very little in the way of privacy to lose.

I’m taking on the positively Edwardian habit of taking stock at the start of every month, I think.  It’s easy to get lost in this art malarkey.  I get up in the morning and stumble in here and try and answer some unanswerable questions.  What is art?  What isn’t?  Does it happen in an instant of creative genius, or does it happen through the slow accumulation of skills?  Is it the more I practice, the luckier I get?  What makes it good art?  Is there such a thing as bad art?   Am I an artist?  I won’t go into all this here, but I might get into it later (like next year, not like today).  Luckily I don’t have to answer these questions in any kind of final way – I am very much an art student rather than an artist.  All of this work is going to form the bulk (I imagine) of my application to do a degree course next year, and then I have a culturally-sanctioned three years to learn what it is that I am doing.  For now, I only wonder.

So at the moment I’m working on three things (as mentioned below) and they’re going alright, thanks for asking.  The MES portrait won’t be on here until after Christmas, though I’ll probably finish it in a week or so.  The rest will arrive as they progress (which they are refusing to do at the moment, perhaps due to above concerns about motivation and purpose).  And they will be accompanied by the usual discussion/drivel/defense.

And then there’s the question of what’s next?  The major component of what’s next is that I should be painting with real acrylics on real canvases in a month or so.  This terrifies me almost as much as it excites.  No undo, no layers, no opacity controls, changing light conditions, drying times, colour mixing, different brushes, etc.  Can’t wait to get started, but I’m constantly performing mental arithmetic as to the cost of the number of canvases I’ll waste.  I really wanted to paint in oil, but I just don’t have the space in here.  I may not have the space for acrylics either, really.  I’ll put up some photos of my workspace once it’s all set up.

I want to learn to use Illustrator as well.  Aside from that, all I have in the way of ideas is the general insanity and chaos of my sketchbook (which I will never post on here for the simple reason it looks like the scrawls of a six year old psychopath) and a piece of paper attached to my desk where I write down my actual serious plans.  Aside from the usual stuff about taking over the world and culling advertisers, I have a few projects.

I’m going to do some stencil and spraypaint work on my nephew’s bedroom and turn it into a wrestling shrine of sorts, which should be good.

I’ve got a few pictures that people on Flickr and Reddit asked me if I’d be interested in reproducing, and I intend to get around to those when they feel right, rather than do them immediately and get bored.  I’ve got a couple of portrait request in – one for a children’s author, and one for my inlaws.  Again, these will arrive as and when as I’m not being paid, so I’m not under any pressure.  I’ve got an idea for a portrait of my wife too, which may arrive eventually.  I also want to finish off my self portrait sketch and make it more realistic.  I am avoiding this mainly because the sketch is quite handsome, I think, and more definition will probably not do me any favours.

Then the rest of my notes are fairly sketchy.  I want to do a ‘raindrop study’, which I think means drops on glass and I think I might put into my back window picture.  ‘Jazz’ is another note, and is fairly obvious.  I love jazz, and I want to do some paintings around it, but to be honest I’m being stopped by worries about copyright.  If I use an old photo from the net or a book as reference, is that some kind of illegal activity?  I’m also being stopped by a difficulty in unifying the two sides of jazz in my head – the otherworldly, flowing beauty of it, and the real, dusty, smoky reality.  This probably lends itself to a treatment in actual paint.

I also have a note that just reads ‘Cats are psychic indicators’.  This is the most interesting idea there, I think.  I’ll get onto that soon.

The only other things on the piece of paper also give a fair insight into what I’ll be doing aside from painting.  I have a long list of people to buy gifts for, a note about the Rothko exhibition currently at Tate Liverpool, and my MAG beta code.  If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry about it.  If you do, you’ll understand.

Thanks for dropping by.  And if you have any images you think might be of interest, or any ideas and inspiration for the jazz pictures, please do get in touch, either here or on Flickr.  Chur chur!

Two eyes meet each other
Two hearts yearn to meet
To souls crave to mingle
What a wonderful dream.

Sometimes it touches one
And brushes past the other
Sometimes one heart warms
The other doesnot catches fire.

They stay together for a while
Trying to pass the test of time
Then one walks away
The other is left behind.

Sometimes it turns into dream
The most enchanting dream
When heart and soul follow eyes
And embrace each other forever.

listening to: chopin – raindrop prelude
feeling: sickly, blagh

It is the first sunday of advent, and we light the hope candle. When we think of hope at Christmas, we think of soft golden light and smiling carollers and porcelain precious moments figurines with cute smiles and tear-drop eyes. Maybe we even think of Mary and Joseph’s eyes meeting over the manger and the smell of hay and animal crap and freedom, or the angels bursting from the sky like fireworks, defying gravity with their light and the volume of their praise.

But think of the hope, the last, desperate hope of an unfaithful lover who watches her husband’s back recede until it is beyond the door and the horizon, the sharp sting of broken glass a testament to the reality of the moment when she drops the wine bottle and steps on the pieces on the way to the door. (To grab his shirt, to pull him around, to make him stay, or to lock the door behind him?) Think of the mantra an abusive other-half says to himself after he hangs up the his high school sweetheart, his throat raw and bleeding from screaming obscenities at her; the way he touches his neck gingerly, as if to pretend it were her questing hands, the words that he brackets with a repeat sign: she’ll forgive me, she’ll forgive me, she’ll call back, she’ll call back, she’ll call back. Think of the last, reckless kiss of Bonnie and Clyde before the bullets punched through, think of the father cradling his baby daughter who had fallen down the stairs, wiping her hair out of her face and praying, praying without words as his tears run down and trace her weak pulse. This is the darkness between Malachi and Matthew.

And then – when he does come back, when she does call back, when God crashed into the earth, it is with barely a sound. He comes and stilts our ferocious hope with wonder, could it be? Could it be?

Hope is never lost. No matter how dark life gets. No matter how bad everything seems to be. Night is always darkest before dawn. I say that right now but i do not believe it. I say it because i need to hear it. By hear it i mean think it. For there is no one here for me to talk to. In my life this is not a first. I am used to being alone. Fighting alone. Living alone. I do not mean without friends and family for i have no less than the best of those. I mean someone to hold. Someone to care for. I have done many things right in my life and i have made many women very happy but there are so many more things i regret. So many times that i thought i knew what i wanted or what i was doing only to find out that i was wrong. But it was always to late. I try every time to learn from my mistakes and i think in many ways i do but there are so many mistakes i know i have left to make. not that i know what mistakes i will make but that i know that this is not the last time. Why? Because life is hard, life is unpredictable and unforgiving. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. But only if we are strong enough to live through the darkest of night. Many people cant do it. Even more refuse to feel that emptiness. Choosing comfort and security over happiness. I will not be those people. I will struggle through dark for as long as i have to, knowing, hoping that at some point some woman will guide me to the light. She will be perfect and this time i will be the best for her. Unlike all these times i sleep alone knowing that someone else makes her smile. Crying but also feeling unmatched joy in knowing that although i cant be the man she wants, the man she has, or the man that is everything to her. I know that it is in him that she is truly happy  and that makes me feel wonderful. Just knowing that she is happy is all i need and i will continue to wait for that someone i can be all those things for.

I wish hell was real so I could steal your soul and show you true injustice. . Any faith, any doctrine that puts more merit in belief than in actions will be no faith of mine. It is because of this I dont belive, on this very tenet of christianity alone I pronounced my atheism, at least as far as this so called “God”.  Even in the end if i am wrong, I would rather spend eternity in Hell then share it with “God” in Heaven. For if Heaven and Hell are real then Hell is filled with much better company.

Hello hello,

this must be something of a record. two blog posts, relatively close together? gosh.

well, here be the reason. it’ll only be a short one, containing details of the Definition of Art – i’ve solved the debate once and for all (ho ho) – and also details of a new blog. ooh.

so the art thing. yes. on the bus on the way back from a scintillating seminar, a small group of us somehow came round to the topic of Art, and someone mentioned Damien Hirst. I, without really thinking about it, said ‘yeah, but that isn’t Art’. Cue furious debate. I should initially point out that in my mind, i hadn’t capitalised the A of Art, which leads to an interesting point: what’s the difference between art and Art. as far as i can tell, this is: kid’s finger painting, an exhibit of fairly samey watercolours by a local artist that you find on the walls of the local tearoom with amusingly high prices pencilled on them, and that clay thing you made in GCSE art class – those are art (unless you’re a spectacularly gifted GCSE art student, of course). Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, the Venus De Milo, the Clifton Suspension Bridge – those are all Art.

(The inclusion of the bridge may have baffled you – i have a bit of a thing for Victorian architecture. If you like, replace with something inoffensive like, uh. the Sistine Chapel ceiling? that’ll do.)

The question of what the difference is leads me on to my next point – what is the difference between say, a rock someone pulled out of the ground (I.e. an object) and the Mona Lisa? no, not the Mona Lisa. too many people i know have seen it and said it’s not as good as a posters of it. a strange simulacra, but there we go. Let us say, instead, Rembrandt’s The Night Watch, a particular favourite of mine. the difference between an object and a work of Art.

the difference, and this is the summarised nature of the thought that struck me there on that bus ride, is this: Imagine you have the rock, and a piece of paper explaining exactly what it is and what it represents. this piece of paper tells you what kind of rock it is, where it’s from, what colour and shape it is, a brief summary of Baudrillardian Simulacrum theory and Derrida’s ideas of representation to explain why it’s not a rock but an embodiment of the word rock (or the other way round, i forget). In essence, this piece of paper sums up the rock utterly. who wrote it? who cares. God? The person who found it? doesn’t matter.

Now imagine you have The Night Watch. hanging on the wall in front of you. next to it is a similar piece of paper telling you all about it. What the frame is made of, what the paint is made up of, the way pigments were made at the time of it’s creation, all about Rembrandt, what the painting shows and what it represents. you read all this, and then you look up at the painting.

Here’s the difference: you look at the piece of paper, you look at the rock. You see nothing in the rock that isn’t mentioned in the piece of paper. There is nothing more to that rock than is on the piece of paper.

You look at the piece of paper, you look at the painting. There is more in the painting, some indefinable and inescapable quality, that transcends what is, and could ever be, on the piece of paper. You don’t know what it is, but there is something extra, something other about it. That’s what makes it Art.

to return briefly to where these thoughts started, Damien Hirst. Let us not get started on the dot paintings which he didn’t actually paint himself. Art-by-Proxy doesn’t happen, i’m afraid. but let us take, say, the Crystal Skull or, since i’ve actually seen it, the Shark in Formaldehyde (spelling?). You could look at the shark, and you look at a piece of paper which tells you where the shark came from, who caught it, the details of a tiger shark’s diet, what formaldehyde (again) does and how much is used in preserving the shark (a 5% solution, if you’re interested), everything that Hirst wanted it to represent, and so on – everything about it, in other words. Look at the shark again, and what do you see? nothing more than what’s on the paper, because there is nothing more there.

Let’s not get started on Tracey Emin.

And of course people will say that Art is subjective, and of course they’re right, but it was an interesting little theory that entertained me for a few minutes, and possibly ever entertained you (or nauseated you or filled you with cold fury and bloodlust – who am i to know?)  for a few minutes, depending on how fast you read and if my scattergun approach to punctuation and capitalisation causes you to give a small twitch every time i decide that capitalising an I whenever i refer to myself is both uproariously egotistical and time consuming.

(some people, generally of the long flowery skirt, braided hair and ‘free tibet’ persuasion, will say that the rock itself – remember that, all the way back up there? – is a Work of Art. They’re wrong. It’s a Work of Nature. it may be beautiful, and it may inspire and instill emotion, but it’s a bloody rock formed by movement of tectonic plates on magma – or something, my GCSE geography is a bit sketchy – and it’s a work of nature, not art. Humans are the only species who create things as utterly beautiful and completely worthless as Art)

anyway. any, way.

The other reason, 950-odd words ago, that i decided to blog was because, in a roundabout way, i’ve decided to blog. Another blog, that is, to be dedicated to my culinary adventures. The reason behind this is manyfold. Partly, because i know a lot of people who are sycophantic enough to tell me regularly that they like what i cook, partly because i may one day shape it into a cookery book, partly because a few of my friends have actually asked me to teach them how to cook, and that’s such a hideously vague and potentially mammoth request that i’m going to enshrine a few things in online print to save myself time and effort, and partly because cooking is one of the few areas of my life where my ego, such as it is, is allowed to roam wild and free and trample delicately all over other people’s. so there. I’ll edit this post and link to it as soon as i’ve actually created it. Ta Ta for now.

xx

I, along with the rest of the world, had some bad news lately.  Oprah is ending her television show.  I should not have to tell anyone who Oprah is.  “O-P-R-A-H” is five letters that stand for over 20 years of life-changing television.  Oprah has done shows on important topics, and had guests that no one else would ever be able to do or have.  We also got “Dr. Phil” and the relative new-comer “Dr. Oz” from Oprah.  While, I am not an “Oprah Boomer” as I am only 6 years old (in human years), I have spent a cozy hour on a lap listening to her almost 5 times a week during those past 6 years.  I am going to miss that.  Here are the 3 Things that have been instilled in my brain via Oprah:  1)”When  someone shows you who they are, believe them,”   2) “You reap what you sow,”  and 3) “Go off and do good in the world.”   I, as well as all of you, now have only 20 more months to stock up on more “Oprah-isms.”  Of course, along with stocking up on her valuable life-changing phrases and advice, we have to put them to use by practicing them…….more later….T.W.

I’m no longer a fist,
in your defense…
just a poor sap livin’ it.
But either way,
I suppose you could say,
I’m using it.

I guess the old pony-
took the rope.
I thought he had died out long ago.
Just takes some considering-
most likely a case of misery.
A worn out horse in a pony show.

And here I thought I could get through all of November without skipping a day.  Hmmf.  Now I’m on a 4 day dry spell with more business ahead of me and a plethora of issues on my plate.  Oh well.  I’m currently reviewing some advertising possibilities for this page.  I know, I know, I’m selling my soul.  The game is capitalism here though.  I can’t be blamed for simply being born into it.  I had an excellent holiday weekend.  Saw some old friends and great family.  Not that I haven’t been doing anything in terms of this life.  I’d been working on a piece I was writing for a short story contest.  It’s probably one of the most fucked things I’ve ever done — take it or leave it — and I’m not sure if I’ll win (or even receive an honorable mention).  Everything’s worth a try though, right?  Well, besides murder I ’spose.  I’m seeing Doomtree Saturday, into it.  I kinda want to go check out The Road at some point (which I’ll review), even though it seems impossible to adapt to film.  I just liked the book so much, it’d be hard for me not to go see it.  It’s mind boggling the Academy is doing 10, yes 10, Best Picture nominations starting THIS year.  I don’t think there’s even been 10 films worth seeing in the theater this year.  Jesus.  I’ll  be back.

-Sonny

whoever moves on faster wins.

you win. (“haha! you stayed behind! loser!”)

heres your trophy.

but do you really win?

—————————————————–

i remember when i was 18, i was reading in front of a silent tv in the living room. and my sis just got home. she had been with this person for 4 years, a person who i knew, and love and laugh with and treated like family.

and then she casually sat beside me and said, her relationship ended, its no more. and i was like, why? and i started sobbing. (silly, i know) “why are you crying?” she asked me then. “its just not the way its supposed to be”, i blurted.

thinking back, i think her relationship gave me some inkling of hope for gay relationships that i myself might have. and references for such things never existed. other than hers. you cant watch tv and say, hey, if those str couples can do it, so can i. nor can i read about such things. they just didnt exist. and if hers could fail, who is to say mine wouldnt.

fast forward to now.

it took me a few years of dwelling to learn that the nobler act of staying behind really isnt. not. noble. at all.

it just means i lose.

or we lost.

Seriously, brothers and sister, God’s ban on same-sex marriage is still in effect. Furthermore, God’s ban on civil unions and homosexuality is still in effect. You see, beloved, while legislatures, judges, and other individuals may decide that it’s okay to be homosexual, God’s law remains in effect.Now, there are many that will read this and accuse me of being intolerant. They will wonder why I am so behind the times while society has shown itself very progressive and tolerant in accepting homosexuality. Here is my response. First of all, I thank the Lord God Almighty for my intolerance. Furthermore, I would rather grow in God’s timeless and lasting word rather than lose my soul to the “progressiveness” of this world. Society has indeed shown itself progressive in its ability to separate itself from God on this particular issue.

Beloved, God created a woman for Adam; not a man. You may think that’s harsh, but it is the truth. Consider the following:

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’” – Genesis 1:27-28 (KJV)

Brothers and sisters, a man cannot multiply with a man, and a woman cannot multiply with a woman. Only a man and woman can multiply. Consider also:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

Beloved, these words were not initially authored by me. The Author of these words is God himself. Though many people of this world have decided to compromise on this issue, the fact of the matter is that we are to be obedient to God in this matter, and all other matters. It is His will, not ours, that we are to commit ourselves to doing.

Whether you believe that homosexuality is genetic, or whether you believe it is a choice/lifestyle, the truth is that it is an affront to God. All sin is an affront to God. To repent of a sin, while planning on continuing to live in that sin, is not repentance at all. It’s lip service.

I remember several years ago when a battle over this issue within one of the religions caused that particular denomination to split into two separate organizations. The more liberal of the two approved of allowing homosexual ministers, while the more conservative opposed allowing homosexual ministers. I can still remember watching an interview with minister of the liberal portion of the church that thought it should be allowed. His statement was that while they believed strongly in God’s word, they also saw the need to compromise on the issue in light of the changing times.

Beloved, anyone that is willing to attempt to compromise God’s word/law/will is not serving the Lord. They are essentially trying to bend God to their own will, which is based in sin. Beloved, when we give our lives to Christ, we are to let go of our embrace of our sinful lifestyle. Our old selves are to die, as we become new creations in Christ.

Some people have gone so far as to take advantage of people’s ignorance of God’s word by claiming that God’s word does not specifically address homosexuality. Beloved, this is an absolute lie, and it is a lie sponsored by none other than Satan itself. Do you want some examples of just how specific the bible is about God’s view of homosexuality? Consider the following:

“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: It is abomination.” – Leviticus 18:22 (KJV)

“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men and women working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.” – Romans 1:26-27 (KJV)

“Know ye not that unrighteousness shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (KJV)

“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” – Leviticus 20:13 (KJV)

That’s pretty clear, isn’t it? Did the last verse strike you as particularly harsh? It shouldn’t have. We know that the wages for all sin is death, so why would it be any different for this particular sin?

So how are we to deal with homosexuality? Are we to compromise our obedience to the Lord and say that its okay? No!!! We don’t say lying is okay. We don’t say murder is okay. We don’t say rape is okay. We don’t say homosexuality is okay!!! Purposely rejecting God’s word and will in order to satisfy your own affection for the pleasures of sin is never okay, no matter what that sin is. So here’s what we ought to do when dealing with someone who engages in homosexuality:

• Love them unconditionally, just as the Lord loves all of us unconditionally. Beloved, we are not to judge them. We are to love them with the Lord’s love. Remember that we were all lost to sin at one time in our lives.
• Share God’s word with them and encourage them to repent of their sins and to receive the deliverance that only Christ Jesus can provide.  That means living in that sin no more.
• Encourage them to separate from those things that would be likely to draw them back into homosexuality.

Beloved, I love homosexuals, murderers, liars, whores, pimps, drug dealers, and all other sinners, as I know that God does as well. We are never to pass judgment on those lost in sin. We are, however, to share the Truth with them at every opportunity so that they may see the light, repent of their sins, and be reconciled unto God.

As I’m sure you have come to know by now, it is not my style to be indirect and not speak God’s word in order to avoid offending anyone. Just know that my intention is never to offend. My intention is to always speak God’s word clearly, accurately, and consistently so that more may come to the Lord.

So in closing today, the choice is simple. Will you be tolerant of homosexuality so that we can all just get along, and because various men and woman have said its okay to do so, or will you obey the Lord God Almighty in truly living His word and protecting the sanctity of marriage? The choice is yours.

Thank you for joining us for today’s discussion. I hope you will be able to join with us for our next message.

Have a wonderful and blessed rest of the day!

May the Lord bless you, keep you, guide you, and make His face to shine upon you and your loved ones always.

Your brother in Christ,

Rev Jason Thurwanger

Planned Spontaneity
by Bojana Vuksanović

Overview

1. Introduction
2. Planning
3. Spontaneity
4. The Issue of Complexity
5. Planned versus Spontaneous
6. Planned Spontaneity
7. Conclusion

“The unexpected has its own force, and there is a beauty in the spaces between dimensions, as can be seen in all art forms. Music is not only a question of time and pitch, but also intensity. Poetry is not only words and thoughts, but also heartbeats. Architecture is not only space and material, but also the special vibration of place and use.”

Gunnar Hoydal, Faroese Architect and Poet

1. Introduction

Ever since human consciousness evolved, the tendency was there to conquer the nature and put the natural processes under control. Today, we can predict with a very high level of certainty if the various things will or will not happen. These processes often follow a very predictable ‘path’ and it seems that the certain direction of movement and change does exist. The entire universe appears to be on a constant roll.

There are certain things in nature and society which require time to develop. They do not instantly happen. This especially concerns communities and the relationships between people. Urban plans, which, by their very essence, are concerned with these, often seem to ignore this. Most of the times they attempt to provide the solution in its finalized form, which is frequently shown not to work.

While in other fields, especially in the areas of the natural sciences, existing processes are employed on a much more complex level, in the design process, urban design in particular, problematic involved is still tackled as if city matter is something static and certain. Time is often completely disregarded and everything is fixed and known before it has even happened.

Our society is becoming increasingly complex every day. Identifying the ‘problem’ is becoming less and less possible. Is it likely that, if the right conditions were created, the ‘solution’ would consequently present itself, representing, by the very nature of its emergence, the ‘right answer’? Do conditions themselves require time to ‘evolve’ in order for the right questions to be asked?

2. Planning

plan /plæn/ n.&v. – n. 1 a a formulated and especially detailed method by which a thing is to be done; a design or scheme. b an intention or proposed proceeding (my plan was to distract them/ plan of campaign). 23 a large scale detailed map of a town or district. 4a a table etc. indicating times, places, etc, of intended proceedings. b a scheme or arrangement (prepared the seating plan). 5 an imaginary plane perpendicular to the line of vision and containing the objects shown in a picture. – v. (planned, planning) 1 tr. (often foll. by that + clause or to + infin.) arrange (a procedure etc.) beforehand; form a plan (planned to catch the evening ferry). 2 tr. a design (a building new town, etc.) b. make a plan of (an existing building, an area, etc.). 3 tr. (as planned adj.) in accordance with a plan (his planned arrival; planned parenthood) 4 intr. make plans. □ planning permission Brit. formal permission for building development etc. esp. from a local authority. plan on colloq. aim at doing; intend. □□ planning n. (F f. earlier plant, f. It. pianta plan of building: cf. plant) a drawing or diagram made by projection on a horizontal plane, esp. showing a building or one floor of a building

In today’s society, planning involves groups of urban designers producing their vision in its final form: through the media of models and drawings, the finalized design is delivered to the client.

Excluding the medieval period, during which cities were not planned as such, this kind of planning has sustained until today. What is shown through the drawings and models is what is expected to became the reality once the proposal is built. In this form planning existed ever since the ancient times. Town planning of the Ancient Roman Republic illustrates this very well.

It was during the Renaissance times that the planning task was again assigned to the group of experts. They would on paper produce the plan of the city, which was than built accordingly. Important revision of planning occurred during functionalist movement in 1930s – the issues of health and equality between people suddenly became of the utmost importance, but, although there were changes in ideology and motives, the actual design methods stayed very much the same – the urban plan was envisaged, finalised and decided right to its end stage by the team of experts long before work on the site was to begin.

3. Spontaneity

spontaneous /spon’teiniəs/ adj. 1 acting or done or occurring without external cause. 2 voluntary, without external incitement (made a spontaneous offer of his services). 3 Biol. (of structural changes in plants and muscular activity esp. in young animals) instinctive, automatic, prompted by no motive 4 (of bodily movement, literary style, etc.) gracefully natural and unconstrained 5 (of sudden movement etc.) involuntary, not due to conscious volition. 6 growing naturally without cultivation □ spontaneous combustion the ignition of a mineral or vegetable substance (e.g. a heap of rags soaked with oil, a mass of wet coal) from heat engendered within itself, usu. by rapid oxidation. spontaneous generation the supposed production of living from non/living matter as inferred from the appearance of life (due in fact to bacteria etc.) in some infusions; a biogenesis. spontaneous suggestion suggestion from association of ideas without conscious volition. □□ spontaneity /,spontə’ni:iti,-‘neiiti/ n. spontaneously adv. spontaneousness n. (LL spontaneous f. sponte of one’s own accord)

There is a certain flow in the Universe and we are part of it. There are things which are not planned – they happen. These are the processes which exist all around us and it is what the Nature’s essence seems to be. Movement and change appear to be fundamental forces in the Cosmos. We are also continuously evolving. There seems to be a continuous adaptation of everything on existing conditions at any particular moment in time.

During the period roughly between AD 500 and AD 1500, the cities were not planned in a real sense. They would appear where there was a need for them, and their form and ‘plan’ was the result of a processes which took sometimes several hundreds of years. The changes which happened during the city history often seem to be ‘engraved’ in these plans. The history of these cities can be ‘decoded’ from them. They show a sort of a time map of events that happened during their past. These cities evolved as a result of current needs of the society and its inhabitants. As a result, their ‘plans’ often work very well. The scale and usage of spaces seems to be very appropriate to the people, and it is evident that a great number of visitors of inhabitants enjoy these cities very much.

Cities behave in a similar manner as organisms do. They are not dead, static places. They are continuously changing and adapting. These changes are not always a result of some fixed preconceived plan. More often these changes are the result of spontaneous processes, which happen as a reaction to current conditions.

If a city is perceived as an alive, dynamic organism, would the design of the initial conditions, which would act as triggers to a process, rather than its final form be more appropriate? Is it possible to ‘direct’ processes which would then start to happen, rather than try to force the final stage ourselves?

4. The Issue of the Complexity

An increase in complexity of society as the time progresses is evident. In some ways, our society is evolving in an almost identical way to that of individual organisms. What starts as a small number of identical cells, splits into more and more units and their function becomes more and more specialized. What starts of as a single cell, develops over time into an immensely complex, but nevertheless extremely well coordinated organism.

It is recognized that the more complex the systems are, as the number of variables to consider increases, the more difficult it becomes to identify the requirements and specify the problems. The cities and the large urban areas are examples of these complex systems. The complexity makes their resulting programs more and more indeterminate. The rules which govern the process became more and more difficult to isolate.

In the Roman times, the city planners had a comparatively limited number of issues to consider. The Roman society was split into a relatively small number of classes which were very clearly defined. Somehow, it was appropriate for a city planner in Ancient Rome to design a city in its finalized form – the problem was identified, and there was the solution to it – the plan.

Since Roman times, the society has greatly changed. People are much freer in their choices and their options and have a great variety of different lifestyles. They move and travel much faster than they used to. The information exchange between them is so much faster and it is done over much larger distances. We are living in times of accelerated change. The complexity of the society increased so much that even defining a problems is a problem in itself. It is hard to tell any more what the requirements are or might be. Although rapid change in the structure of the society’s complexity is evident, nothing has radically changed since the times of Romans as far as the urban design strategy is concerned.

5. Planned versus Spontaneous

While organic architecture involves no or very little planning, the ability to predict situations with a high degree of certainty requires the skills which are much greater than what the ‘instantaneous’ planning requires. In this respect, being able to take the control of spontaneous and living processes in the Universe seems more of a step ahead and it is not to be seen in any case as something in-between planned and organic.

During the sixties, a rare attempt to deal with the issue of ‘growth’ and development over time happened. In 1966. Arup Associates produced the Master Plan for Loughborough University.

The client was neither able to predict the development in teaching disciplines nor to specify with certainty the future requirements of the University complex. It was impossible for them to give any sort of determined brief of their needs. Arup Associates found that the only way to tackle the design of such unspecified Master Plan was to work with indeterminate growth of variable functions and their interrelationships.

The design became a distribution of interrelationships between various parts in the form of a grid, which may or may not happen as a future development. The interrelationships of the individual parts were considered, as well as how the individual parts related to the whole. They were designed with a determined structural space unit (which was possible to identify), with and by the requirement of the vertical circulation and services. The initial ‘entity’ was able to ‘grow’ and expand in a predictable and planned manner, but the extent and the rate of expansion of ‘growth’ itself was left to clarify itself as the time advances.

In the design of larger urban areas, where complexity and indeterminacy becomes even more of an issue, this design approach seems even more appropriate. The grid ‘shape’ of the plan illustrates how the actual ‘shape’ of the plan, i.e. whether the plan is in a form of a grid or whether it has more ‘organic’, ‘fluid’ shape is not the indicator of its deterministic or non-deterministic nature.

6. Planned Spontaneity

“The complex and vibrant ideal: to create an order from which
accidental occurrences can arise” Gunar Hoydal

One of greatest abilities of human beings is inventing/producing things which ‘by their very nature’ are not part of the Nature. We have the ability to imagine things which do not exist yet and are subsequently able to realise them/make them happen.

Simultaneously, there are processes in nature which somehow happen by themselves. There is nothing that we are doing which makes this happen. When ‘triggered’ these processes happen with a great deal of certainty: for a seed planted under optimal condition, it is fairly certain that it will start to grow. Similarly, this process can be prevented if the same seed is kept in the drawer for years. There are uncountable examples of this in the organic as well as the non-organic world. But what is essential to note is that, although we can ‘trigger’ and control these processes, the process of the actual growth itself still happen ‘on its own’.

It can be seen from the nature that the higher the degree of order within the system, the less chance of accidental occurrences taking place and the less chance for spontaneity to happen The more static the systems, the less change is possible. The things that are showing the greatest ability for adaptation and change are in their dynamic states. Liquids and gases (fluids) are the states which are the most flexible. They are able to take a ‘shape’ of what it is that contains them. They are able to ‘mould’ around things. The solids are not.

It is as if the more fixed our designs are, the more resistance they exert on the natural dynamic of things. There is a difference between trying to force things into the shape/state, and allowing something to happen. A lot about human mind is still about control. There is a clear fixation with ‘final and defined’.

There is a certain beauty in uncertainty, this is something which makes our lives amazing to us. If everything was always known in advance to its last detail what would it be to live that life? Love and friendship can only spontaneously happen.

Spontaneity creates a space for things to unfold in the direction that creates a natural balance; the one that would be assumed if not prevented by the fixity of the human mind. Regardless, despite of the rational control imposed, the spontaneity is resumed as soon as the control is released. This is an imminent process and can be seen on every single level of existence.

7. Conclusion

There is no conclusion.

In the Universe which is a mixture of infinitely complex and changeable variables, in the place where everything is constantly changing and moving, apart as a mere Utopian abstraction, can something as final ever exist.

written May 2003 | details @/link

The December, 2009 issue of Linux For You carries the first part of my article series on GNU Octave. I have started this series by talking about Matrices. In the upcoiming  January,2010 issue I will talk about solving Linear equations.

This article marks my foray into writing about scientific computing tools and also a article series.

For the sake of ToC:

1. Getting Started with GNU Octave, Part -1 : December, 2009 issue of Linux For You

(The Linux For You folks have a awesome Typesettinng team)

So I did it. I completed my short script, “Deadline.” It’s currently in Frederick Lewis’s stack of entries. After he reads all of them, he’ll select twelve finalists. Then those writers will “defend” their pieces in front of the class, which will select about five to produce. Even if it doesn’t get selected, I’m still proud to have worked all the way through a 22-page script. I spent ten months and countless hours writing and re-writing, writing and re-writing. On many occasions I felt I had reached “The End,” only to realize the plot holes and lack of motivation. For the first time, I felt like a serious writer who was committing all I could to produce a script that may never extend past the page – basically the plight of thousands of screenwriters.

And I enjoyed every minute of it.

As much as I want it to reap the successes seen by Trailerpark or The Dying Western, I am content if it doesn’t. I’ve already accomplished what I wanted to do.

I recently remembered a powerful assignment I had written for my Intro to Cultural Anthropology class this past winter. We were instructed to listen to a song once and record our first impressions – what the song was about, how it made us feel, etc. Then, we had to listen to the song several times over and record if our impressions changed. We also had to write how other cultures might perceive the song.

Listening to “Schism” by (my favorite band) Tool allowed me to share some very deep beliefs that were stirring inside me for quite some time…

(Lyrics from band homepage)…

These were my thoughts upon listening to it several more times…

This song is about the lack of communication that can tear up any American and the society around him. Many of life’s problems can be traced back to our nation’s inability to open its mouth, free its mind, and help one another. Millions live with the pain and sorrow that surround mental illness, addiction, and the like, only to keep it hidden from those around them. This problem is intensified for adult males, who must fight the image placed upon them.

Americans are raised to be independent in their problem solving. By adolescence, many are weaned from their parents’ control. Within these years, they go from being children dependent on their parents, to being adults dependent on no one. At the beginning of their adult lives, many are thrust into their own world, often away from those who have helped to shape them.

Adult males are especially vulnerable. For thousands of years, they have been forced into the role of strong, fearless, emotionless fighting and working machines. They are the ones to protect the family from peril. Be it a burglary or a shipwreck, the man is expected to step in front of loved ones and take the brunt of the blow. Modern American men may not face these dangers often, but they maintain the same role. The kids primarily rely on Dad’s financial support to get them through college and into independent adult life. Even Mom is listed as a dependent on the annual tax form. And if crisis strikes the family, it is the man’s name that is soiled.

The media dictates much of the way an American male is “supposed” to act. Buff, heroic movie stars save the country from aliens, terrorists, and, hell, even transfiguring cars. Dimwitted hunks vie for the love of trashy airheads on many television shows – and the disturbing part is, most of it isn’t even scripted. This is the way many American males believe they should act. And if one does not fit this archetype, then, well, he’s often labeled as “weird” or even “gay.”

The silencing stigma experienced by Americans, including Tool singer/lyricist Maynard James Keenan, is not uncommon. The fact that he sings about it is. He lived through his parents’ divorce and, when he was eleven, his mother’s aneurysm and stroke. (She was paralyzed for about 27 years until she died in 2003.) In “Schism,” it is likely he writes about the lack of communication between he and his mother, Judith. She was a devout Christian, something Keenan did not understand nor want to replicate in his life. (In “Judith,” a 2000 song with his side project, A Perfect Circle, Keenan questions why she was stricken when she did no wrong, and also why she still believed in Him.) His criticisms against religion in several other songs represent those of thousands of Americans. “To bring the pieces back together,” he even desires to “point the finger, blame the other, [and] watch the temple topple over.” He is looking to release decades of anguish, and “Schism” does just that. But he doesn’t do so without facing stigma. In a 2008 interview with Revolver, he expresses regret for publicizing so much of himself in “Wings,” a 2006 two-song tribute to his mother. Self-expression rears its ugly head.

An individual from another culture would view this song as angry. Most other cultures prefer pop or classical to rock, much less hard rock. For almost sixty years, rock music has been a method of dissent, and Tool is no different. Negative thoughts are glossed-over in other cultures – maybe they’re even virtually non-existent? Europeans, for example, are supposedly more laid back than Americans. When Europeans are taking siestas and months of vacation, Americans are working overtime to put their children through college.

After listening to the song multiple times, I was able to identify with a sense of optimism I hadn’t originally noticed. Keenan does not just say the pieces are “mildewed and smoldering;” he also desires to reconnect them and communication as a whole. All is not lost, and he is able to speak once again.

—–

This is the most influential song of my life. I plan to use it as the backbone of an allegorical film that expresses these thoughts and more. It will take many years for it to see fruition, but, as MJK said, “the circling is worth it.”

I am actually worried about LVMH’s brand strength. The store on fifth ave. in NYC looked like a state fair the other day with all kinds of trash outside the door on the side-walk, something I’ve never seen… they also had fewer people than YSL, Dior, Dior Homme, Barney’s and Tod’s during Fashion’s Night Out. Perhaps the sneaker with Kanye was their brand tipping point. I have never been concerned for this company, their brand or their stock, but for the first time I am questioning them. -TJP