The WU TANG MANAGMENT team is up to something….and we here at the Ski & Critical Show plan to find ou what its all about. If you listen to the show you might just find out what its all about. Check out this trailer:

we had a twitter orgy
here it is.

Key
green = liz
brown = wu
red = joanna

~

she likes that it’s orange, like a ginger penis
@wu_fei @bunnypsychology I DO NOT MASTURBATE WITH A CARROT AND IT DOESN’T REMIND ME OF A GINGER PENIS SO SHHHHHHHHHUT UP
“OH PRINCE HARRY…”, moaned Joanna in delight
“I’VE NEVER BEEN WITH A GREEN BRAZILIAN BEFORE,” said joanna while running her hands through blanka’s ginger hairdo Zangief, do Zangief!
Joanna grabbed the enormous Russian wrestler’s tiny balls and heard him squeal with pain and lustLiz fixated her dripping wet pussy over Vega’s thick Spanish cock. She moaned as she felt him slowly slide into her.omg you slut LMFAO
you need to write wu x sakura

After drinking so many beers tonight, Wu felt his bladder about to burst. Running to the bathroom, he heard the shower on..Thinking it was Billy, he thought it’d be alright to take a piss while his best buddy was cleaning himself behind the shower curtain
Little did he know, it was Sakura! She squealed out of sheer horror as Wu walked in on her naked dripping wet glistening body.“Oh god.. S-Sorry!” Wu turned around and was extremely embarassed. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, Sakura was pressing herself up against him.
“Shhh… don’t be sorry, big boy.” She winked and went down to unzip his jeans. Wu felt himself get a hard onjust then, a giant foot broke down the bathroom door. it was ryu! “how dare you touch my underage student!” he cried.
The muscled man threw a hadouken at Wu, which sent him flying out of the flat. “I STILL NEED MORE TRAINING.” “Oh Ryu!” cried Sakura.

Wu crawled away and saw a green-ginger Brazilian sexually assaulting @jogii. He tore off his shirt and rescued the BEAUTIFULPRINCESSThe STUNNING CHINESE LILY used her kung-fu powers (of course) and kicked Zangief in the balls. Then raped Sakura with a cucumber.Wu was raging with envy! He pushed Jo aside and whipped out his magical Asian penis. Sakura whimpered, “NO! PLEASE!”“NOOOOO!” cried Ryu from a distance. He tightened his trademark red headband(from his gay lover Ken) and walked off into the sunset.

wu went off to join mortal combat.
IT’S KOMBAT TIIIIIIIIIME
Wu became Liu Kang. or whatever his name was. was he the one who shot thunderbolts, or was that Zeus? Wu became Zeus.

Dr Zeus? you’re thinking of planet of the apes, my little buttercup
wait, so for years I’ve been calling it Zeus…well there goes my years of studying greek mythologyLOL awww.. you’re so cute. I just want to lock your head between my bosoms.
I would like to suck milk out of your breasts…so please, become pregnant.
you sound like Henkka. you boys can take a breast each, unless you’re greedy and want them both. Henkka can get Liz pregnant.

wait whose breasts
mine are bigger ;D
ARE YOU CALLING ME FLAT? :@ although what man lieks a flat chest unless they’re into boys/lolis
but maybe they like flat chests so YOU COULD WIN TWO MEN
oh, you should talk to H!P fans then, they love flat chests/boys
WE’VE GOT 4 BOOBS TOGETHER. Wu and Henkka can take their pick. @wu_fei whose breasts do you want to suck more?Any chance I could try you both out? your milk will taste different I bet. and you probably have different nipples.
well joanna’s nipples are always hard apparently, she always asks me to push them down
HEY that is not true although last night when we skyped, I did mention my nipples are hard.
and if LinLin isn’t a man then…shit, I don’t know who is
hey! I like Linlin, so shh.
someone like you would. But hey, at least you’re not in love with yurina or aika…one hopes
‘like you’ what is that supposed to mean? and no I do not like them. and imagine pouring that beer over my exposed breasts..
I will take that as an invitation for sex. should I go on the top or the bottom?
wherever you want, baby.

Wu decided this was not his goal in life, and then went to pursue a career at Johnny’s, inc. He was forced to dance for Budokan.
Impressed by his skill, Mr. Johnny moved Wu into ARASHI. Wu began a gay relationship with Matsujun.
hey, me and matsujun, it’s a brotherly thing. although we would occupy the same bed at night…due to monsters under the bed
But Wu wasn’t satisfied. Even though he loved him like he would love a fish, Wu wanted one man only: Nissy.They started having rampant sex so Mr. Johnny was forced to move him to the SNOW PRINCE division where he sang with Gappy.Nissy was sweating after a long concert. He saw Wu sitting in his make-up room. Nissy squealed. “Wu, I want your cum in me. NOW!!”

gonna go shower, even though it’s late. had too much fun writing that story
take a shower in your Sakura outfit and imagine Wu coming in to sex you.
get prince harry to paint himself green and put on some ripped up short shorts and shackles on his ankles
…I HOPE GUILE SHOVES HIS MUSCLEY AMERICAN PENIS UP YOUR ASS
EWWWW NO well i hope gen shoves his CRUSTY OLD MAN PENIS UP YOUR BUM
AND M BISON FINISHES YOU OFF. “YESSS! YESSSSS!”
AND THEN ADOLF FROM POP ‘N MUSIC MARCHES UP WITH HIS INTIMIDATING THEME SONG AND RAPES ALL YOUR ORFICES
adolf ;D@jogii @bunnypsychology well….we’re all grown up now
what are you talking about? i’m 5 years old
*puts on a schoolgirl outfit and sucks on a big swirly lollipop* whaddaya mean, mister? *sits on your lap, wriggles around* teehee~
@jogii prepare to be entered…and @bunnypsychology talk to @blossoming.I hope you think of me when you’re in the shower, rubbing my body up against you then gently nibbling on your hard nipples
@wu_fei to be entered? oh my! and LOL I think @bunnypsychology is scared of @blossoming from the stories I made up of him :’( sorry SB

done showering. @jogii appeared from behind and started groping me~
All pictures were drawn by me and Liz over msn.
I wonder if you guys can tell who drew what.

A post to simply bump off the image of SB shitting; I give you a rambling something about nothing.

As some of you may be aware of, it’s getting onto Christmas. I loathe the season to be fucking jolly like it’s my birth right, and with that knowledge I hope you all bid me a rotten time. Tomorrow I make the long journey back into the land of the shire, not too far away from tractors and shit-smelling fields.  Goodbye it will be to stacks of houses, illegal parking and roads leading quickly to commerce.

I will be driven back by my mother who will, no doubt, bug me about the hideous growth on my chin – some call it a beard – and why I haven’t had a haircut since some talented storyteller decided to come up with the bible. My sister will be complaining in the back seat as to why I haven’t done anything with my life, also wondering where her Christmas present is. The fact is I haven’t done anything for years and for the love of sweet Moses I haven’t bought any fucking presents.

This all brings me to one point: I think I prefer potato wedges to French fries.

By P Chong     Thursday, 17 December 2009

Symbolically: Jubilant Now . . . Falling On His Knees Later!

Tiger Woods roars & roams in America

He’d really be more at home in China!

This is on account he’s largely being Chinese

By descent from grandpa a Chinese

And mother a Thai-Chinese.

As an avid social golfer, any news concerning Tiger Woods interest me greatly. Ever since he broke his much-guarded home privacy, the celebrity is generating more than just ripples in the media world. Everybody wants to know more about this tiger that pounced & turned its fangs & claws upon philandering grounds.

Having conquered the golfing world at such young age & being the richest sportsman in the world, the first of its billionaire, he has everything in life – a multi-million dollar home, a beautiful wife Elin and two kids. What more can a man ask for? I guess it has all to do with the need for new conquests & a passion for new excitement or he was simply getting restless!

The Happy Tiger Family

In his own website, he admitted his indiscretion, not been fair to his family & that he’s not perfect. Tiger Woods’ problems are entirely his own making. As a famous public figure, he’s taken as a role model. The young expect him so, and his advertisers & sponsors expect him to be more so. Obviously, his private behaviour is of great public interest. In America where sensation means fast bucks there can be no relenting! Elin Nordegrin (29), who initially seemed to have stood by her man, is now reported to be wanting a divorce & of course a big hefty settlement.

Well-Doctored Sensation with Golf Iron & Even A Golf Ball Stuck to His Left Ear!

Is Tiger Woods getting any Afro-American support at all? Not at all, as far as can be seen. Tiger himself has always claimed & attributed his glory to the sum total of his Asian-African heritage. His grandfather was a full-blooded Chinese who married a black woman. Then Tiger’s father himself married a Thai-Chinese woman. In all reckoning, Tiger carries a fair dominant share of Chinese blood in him.

His grandfather’s name was “Wu” which is quite a common Chinese surname. Needless to say, to ward off the early days of minority racial discrimination in America, he anglicised “Wu” to “Woods”.

In Australia, during the early days a lot of the Chinese immigrants adopted English names & even married Australian wives. The most famous being LJ Hooker, the renowned real estate man, who was initially working in the railway shunting yards, hooking carriages. So Hooker was born.

Hooker didn’t look like an Aussie, but I have a friend who does together with his whole family bearing the name “Shanhun”. His grandfather was a Chinese, married an Aussie woman and this trend was followed down from one generation to the next. Very cleverly, his grandfather had combined his middle two Chinese names to form one “Shanhun” as an Australian surname. In look & speech, my friend could fool you that he’s an Australian.

Is marriage infidelity a crime? I don’t think it is considered as such anywhere in the world. If Tiger Woods weren’t who he is with so much at stake financially, it wouldn’t have even got a mention in the paper. If he were a Chinese citizen, would the reception be different? Isn’t marriage infidelity strictly a private matter & hence to be resolved between husband & wife & children, if any?

In the wake of sex scandals Tiger Woods suffers huge popularity plunge, advertisers (except Nike) deserting him, and now his wife Elin has moved with the kids out of his $40 million dollar mansion in Orlando.

JAMIE JUNGERS, alleged 4th Mistress

The fame & fortune that golf built got badly hit. Tiger Woods’ drives are not hitting the green, but are going astray right through the woods & hitting many other heads – blonde or brunette, all sexy & tall!

Will this drama end as one of “forgive & forget”, redeem for the esteem?

Or  all involved parties jumping in for the share of the spoils?

I told you last time I was on a Ghostface kick, and this has not changed. But why…why, you may ask, why do two Ghostface albums back to back instead of focusing on the rest of the Clan? I don’t know…Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?

This seemingly random set of questions (ahem…its not random) actually leads me to my next point. I’ve been wanting to review Liquid Swords for a while now, but the songs are still in the process of growing on me, so I don’t want to give that one a review till I know exactly how well done it is (given the fact that some name it as a top 10 all time hip hop album). So, instead, you get this.

Supreme Clientele Album Cover

Feel gracious, because this album is GIGANTIC, and it really becomes a pain in the ass to review anything higher than 15 tracks.

INTRO

Ghostface runs with the whole Ironman/Tony Starks theme by using a soundclip from the Ironman cartoons.

NUTMEG (8)

This beat is much more what I was expecting when I was reviewing Ironman in terms of sampling, but I won’t gloss over the negatives; the drum loop during the verses is at that short length where it is repeated an excessively annoying amount of times (even if it does kick ass during the hook). In a step above Ironman, Ghost raps aggressively and energetically about nothing, sticking to his guns, so this ends up sounding really good, in addition to the fact that RZA somehow sounds good over the length of a full verse.

ONE (7)

Ditto goes for the sample here (minus the part about the loop being too short). I don’t know about you, but I’m usually a fan of short vocal samples mixed into songs, but the fact that Ghost ignores the “one” in the background which appears in every other bar instead of every couple actually really frustrated me. If not for that, this might have been an 8.

SATURDAY NIGHT (8)

Though it might not seem like much, I feel like more people should include interludes like this; how hard is it to slip a sub-2 minute track of high intensity spitting over a tense beat into your album?

GHOST DEINI (6)

For a song about a nickname as awesome as Ghostdeini the Great, this is kind of …boring. I can’t really blame Ghost for that, as it’s more of a byproduct of the beat, which sounds like it is rocking you to sleep so that it can hold a pillow over your head.

APOLLO KIDS (9)

MUCH better. Ghost and Rae, or, as I have since learned from a comment, I can now say RAGU since it means Rae and Ghost United, rip shit aggressively over a beat that shifts in and out of a descending and rising loop, which keeps the emotions moving. All of the above makes this an entertaining listen.

THE GRAIN (8)

2 minutes of RZA and Ghost ripping aggressively over an unadulterated breakbeat. WHAT IS MORE HIP HOP THAN THIS? The singing, however, is funny the first time but starts to wear on you eventually.

BUCK 50 (8)

I could write a bunch of stuff about this song, including the fact that I’m actually ambiguous about the siren-sounding part of the beat, disappointed in how bad Cappadonna is upstaged by EVERYONE on here, and the like, but I’d rather just say that Redman’s line “your weed has more seeds than ODB” is HILARIOUS.

MIGHTY HEALTHY (9)

Also, mighty fucking awesome. Does this beat remind anyone else of El Indio’s pocket watch?

I mean they’re obviously not the same, but they do both kick ass.

WOODROW THE BASSHEAD (SKIT)

A 3 minute skit? Really?

STAY TRUE (8)

Remember my previous comment about short and awesome strictly rapping interludes and their absence on most albums? Ghost has two of them. WHAT NOW

WE MADE IT (7)

4 minutes is way too long for a song that’s kind of just there. While this song isn’t necessarily bad, it’s songs like this that have a tendency to bog down massive albums like this one, which is usually what makes them a bitch to review. Basically, I secretly want there to be less songs like this.

STROKE OF DEATH (DB)

Even though Ghost attempts to include a THIRD short interlude, this beat is so insanely (and intentionally) annoying that it’s unreal. Basically, this beat is the musical equivalent of this asshole:

Ya I just went there.

IRON’S THEME

As a rule, Ghostface’s singing will always be relatively funny. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a skit, however.

MALCOLM (8)

For a educational song, the beat here is surprisingly entertaining…I feel like I’ve never heard anyone rap over straight lounge music before…that is, except for Richard Cheese:

WHO WOULD YOU FUCK? (SKIT)

What is this middle school? (Yes.) I’m not gonna lie, though, it is funny to just be talking about fucking celebrities that will potentially end up hearing this.

CHILD’S PLAY (8)

Well the title comes from the fact that Ghost uses child-babble to craft a song for the ladies, and somehow the beat actually fits that description well if that’s a possibility. For some reason, given my general tastes, it’s surprising that I don’t hate this song. Actually, I kind of liked it.

CHERCHEZ LA GHOST (DB)

Dear god was this awful. If you insist upon a Ghostface radio song where the singing takes the forefront, then go with this one instead:

WU BANGA 101 (8)

While this lacks the intensity of Buck 50, this is its lyrically-influenced brother, which pretty much qualifies this as a track that is worth your time.

CLYDE SMITH

Skit notable for Ghost and Rae calling out 50 Cent for “How to Rob”, adding him to the ever-growing list of people they just don’t like. Incidentally, I forgot to mention Mase is on that list, since Ghost notes earlier in the album that he punched him and broke his jaw. Oops.

IRON’S THEME (CONCLUSION)

Two skits in a row? Getting ballsy, are we?

A Clan sophomore album…risky territory?

This is widely referred to as the best sophomore album out of the Clan. Those wide referrers are right.

Better than Ironman?

Yes. BUY THIS.

When’s the next post coming out?

Uhhhh…I think you have the wrong number.

If you randomly decided to check this ISSS at 2 AM on a Friday Night/Saturday Morning, congratulations, here’s some new stuff.

In fact, you may continue to see random assortments of posts like this throughout the week because my stupidass schedule is stupid and an ass. It is finals week and I only have a final on Tuesday and a Thursday, meaning I am stuck here for no reason, doing nothing, and getting frustrated about it. But enough about that bullshit (any more of it and this might downgrade from an ISSS into a blog), let’s get into the music. It’s the muthafuckin Wu.

Ironman Album Cover

IRON MAIDEN (7)

While this album starts with some movie dialogue and includes Rae and Cappadonna on the album cover, this is no Cuban Linx. Rather, the beat here is more soul-influenced in its instrumentation, with glossy horns as the most overpowering part of the beat and even a orchestra hit (technically it’s horns, but if I said band hit I feel like noone would know what I was talking about) in the background, which matches up with the fact that the movie dialogue is from a blaxploitation film. As far as the song by itself goes, it’s alright, with its upbeat pace keeping it worthwhile, but it’s not Ghost’s best work.

WILDFLOWER (6)

Ghostface pulls his whole ‘I’m going to say the most outrageously sexually explicit things possible’ shtick (as he would later do in Gihad and Mean Streets on OB4CL2 to name a few), and while this is funny at first (at least for those who have as immature a sense of humor as I do), it doesn’t disguise the fact that this song somehow gets boring within the span of its short length

THE FASTER BLADE (8)

Ghost returns Rae’s Cuban Linx favor (I hate to keep comparing the two but these weird lines of comparison keep popping up) by giving Rae a solo song, much as Rae gave Ghost ‘Wisdom Body’ on OB4CL. For my money, this is the better song, and it doesn’t hurt that this is the best beat thusfar on the album.

260 (8)

Although the beat is more laid-back than the frantic style I expect out of Ghost, Ghost’s lyrics here pretty much perfectly fulfill my connotation of his average verse: Completely random references (a bit less obscure than MF DOOM maybe, but probably even more loosely related) integrated in a stream of consciousness style, yet the whole time some plot or storyline is progressing, which is easy to forget given the way Ghost jumps around…hell, if he didn’t start his verse by kicking a door down, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all.

ASSASSINATION DAY (DB)

This was actually INCREDIBLY BORING. The beat makes me want to fall asleep instead of finishing the album, and for whatever reason Ghostface is NOTICEABLY MISSING, leaving me wondering how I’m still awake at this point.

POISONOUS DARTS (7)

At least Ghost is back. This beat is incessantly repetitive (although not as bad as the last one), leaving me to wonder whether RZA even gives a shit about this album. Ghost tries his hardest to bring this back to an impressionable level, but I just can’t get my mind off the fact that RZA somehow sounds…inexperienced. On 36 Chambers, he is as grimy as can be, on Return to the 36 Chambers he’s dusted out, on Liquid Swords he’s atmospheric, on Cuban Linx he’s lurking, but one here? In all honesty it feels like RZA (at this point) didn’t know how to flip a poppier, uplifting soul track like Kanye (in his prime) might, which is saying something given that Kanye credits RZA for influencing his chipmunk soul style. Oh well…at least this problem was not as present on Supreme Clientele…maybe I should have went for that.

WINTER WARZ (9)

Cappadonna pulls a Sleepy Floyd, pulling a career performance pretty much out of his ass apparently just by deciding to try really hard, leaving everyone scratching their head. WHERE DID HIS VERSE COME FROM? This impresses me to no end, and now I have a reason to push forward. Let’s do it for Cappadonna…and Sleepy Floyd.

BOX IN HAND (8)

While this beat is much better than that of Poisonous Darts and Assassination day, this still isn’t an exception to my comments…because the soul sample is a little more depressing, a little grimier, and a little dustier, RZA excels, especially by including those little random piano fills throughout. If not for Cappadonna’s performance on the last song, this would probably be the best song thusfar.

FISH (7)

Apparently RZA read this post back in time, as the production on the last 3 has picked up noticeably. The song is a little too laid-back for my liking, though, at least when I’m listening to Ghostface.

CAMAY (DB)

My God, I didn’t know Ghostface could make songs this BORING.

DAYTONA 500 (9)

This song is AWESOME. The video is AWESOME. This album is apparently the Godfather III, because ‘just when I thought I was out…it pulls me back in’.

And THANK YOU for a track with some energy…now I’m awake enough to do some forever shit like pissing out the windows on turnpikes.

MOTHERLESS CHILD (6)

Apparently Ghostface is Athena. Who knew?

BLACK JESUS (8)

How COURTEOUS of Ghostface…I wanted to bring this clip back anyway, and now I can do it without even stretching my reason for doing so thin.

What this song has to do with Black Jesus beside Popa Wu’s psychobabble bullshit in the beginning I have no clue, but at least it’s pretty good. I’m actually embarassed FOR U-God, though, for using ‘vagina’ as the rhyming word in an even bar. I mean I knew it was coming, and I was still hoping he wouldn’t say it just because I knew it would sound RETARDED (which it did).

AFTER THE SMOKE IS CLEAR (7)

It’s no surprise that RZA makes this beat better than those in the first half, given the borderline ghoulish wailing/harmonizing in the background, but for some reason the drums are too overbearing and they’re pretty unnatural sounding, almost like RZA got the loop by hitting on a musically tune scratch that I have NO CLUE what instrumentation RZA used for this drum loop, but it’s a little too jarring.

ALL THAT I GOT IS YOU (8)

Ghostface’s rap about his mother. You should know by now that I can value the merit of these songs, but they’re not exactly a fan favorite. The strings also make this depressing as shit. Like seriously. This song is really depressing. Depressing.

THE SOUL CONTROLLER (DB)

This is interesting to say the least. The beat is so far out there and so different from anything else on the album, yet it somehow includes all of the influences found throughout the rest of the album, including positive soul, some R&B, traditional Eastern Wu influence…in all honestly I could probably write a page about the beat itself, but I’ll do both you and I a favor and let you listen to it on your own and see what I mean. At 7 minutes, however, it’s COMPLETELY BLOATED, especially with the unnecessary movie dialogue at the end, and also given the fact that Ghost’s verses (which are only decent) end at like 3 minutes anyway. That by itself pretty much ruins the song for me.

MARVEL (8)

RZA goes with a more traditional approach on the beat here, using a nicely pulsing bassline combined with an Eastern-influenced higher register sound, and as such this is much more familiar territory. For whatever reason, though, RZA (or Ghost…not sure which) decides to let the beat run AGAIN, this time for 2 and a half unnecessary minutes after the verses end.

This was…

To be brutally honest, I was kind of disappointed with this. Ghost’s frenetic energy is sorely missed on many a track throughout this, and if not for the big name tracks (Winter Warz, Daytona 500, Box In Hand), this album might actually be kind of…bad?

So I take it it’s not a buy?

No. I say burn without trepidation.

Nice SAT word, asshole.

Please…I’m past that point.

What’s next, then?

Welp, I’ll probably do either Supreme Clientele or The Big Doe Rehab sometime later this week, because this album didn’t end up giving me the Ghost fix I need.

jesus christ almighty, is there no justice? 6300 yen is $75 canadian. c’mon son. but damnnn, these hats are too sexy. oh yea, and they say “protect ya neck” on the back. available online at applebum. peep the site for some other out-of-this-world wu wear. never have i ever been more frustrated at not being able to afford something. WU!

[update: not only did puff daddy set a home shopping network sell-out record, he also made $400 000 in 40 minutes. JUSS SAYIN.]

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Yet my ideas often reveal themselves later on to be flawed. However, I was browsing through the drinks section of the supermarket and spotted a bottle of sake. Having had a crush on Japanese culture since time began – maybe five years ago – I still hadn’t tried this Japanese beverage before, and having seen its majesty flaunted around in movies I had to give sake a shot.

It is with a sad face then, that I declare to you the horrors of sake. Having the drinking refinement of a man who enjoys a greasy, tasteless kebab on a Friday night, I wouldn’t trust my critique. Yet I’m all you’ve got – I’m sure a google search will place you in better hands.

Anyway…

My first taste of sake was perhaps taken too keenly, and a big gulp had me nearly heaving all over my trousers. The flavour is not unlike wine, hence some translations calling sake ‘rice wine’, with a sweet taste followed by a bitter twang. Wine to me – in a typical male fashion – is a drink best suited to women and prissy types. I like a frosty beer and cheap bar snacks. I never evolved.

Since it was low-grade sake I took my sips at room temperature. Apparently the low-grade variety are better served tepid to warm to mask the flavours. Sadly I could still taste mine, and I didn’t enjoy.

Of course with that male logic of mine, I had to drink the whole bottle because I paid money for it. Each sip settled with given time and to be less of a bastard the sake didn’t seem so bad. But then, of course, I washed it all down with a beer and suddenly sake became disgusting again.

Pocky is disgusting. It is essentially – as far as I want to care – a little breadstick covered in stale chocolate and other stale things. Fools actually buy Pocky, and I assume that they have about as much taste as a block of tofu. Of course I’m just being a grumpy young man, and I expect to grow more fearsome with age. Give me another ten years and you’ll read about me in newspapers murdering people, and some less appealing mammals. Like a dolphin. Oh but I’m only joking. That’s because it hasn’t been ten years yet.

Anyway, I’m loosing focus.

I admit that I did once enjoy a Pretz – Pocky’s cousin snack – but it wasn’t covered in anything foul, and instead was branded ‘sweet corn flavour’. The mind boggled and my senses told me to get the fuck out of the shop, but I prevailed out of curiosity and purchased a box. It was actually quite delightful because it tasted of meat, far less of anything sweet or corny. Being a meat lover this invention of flavour was a delight to my taste palette, and perhaps there’s hope for me and Japanese snacks. Yet, who on earth – and in their right minds – would buy anything sweet corn flavoured? You all want that chocolate/fruit/nut covered shit, and it’s not cute at all. It’s disgusting.

You disgust me.

One good thing about Xmas, Maimi-mas

My friends and sworn enemies. We’re now in December and I might as well wish you all a Merry Christmas. I would give you my festive blessings on the twenty-fifth but I fear that I’ll be too drunk on the day to coherently wish anyone anything.

This year I will be buying no presents at all, and why is that you’re probably not asking, well because I’m a scrooge; That’s why. It also ties in with the fact that, after leaving my job for a temporary flight of fancy some months ago, I’m as rich as a man with no money. Pretty obvious, that one. Anyway I don’t remember buying any presents last year either so I doubt anyone expects anything from me. It’s probably a good time to surprise family and friends then, with my bringing lots of cheerfully wrapped gifts, but fuck no. They can do without.  Perhaps I can blame the recession or terrorism for my lack of Christmas spirit.

My mother has decided to have a hotpot/steamboat dinner on the twenty-fifth, stepping away from the more traditional meat, potatoes and vegetable ensemble. I don’t care of course; since my mother never liked turkey anyway  we usually went for chicken, and I’d often do my best to eat very little so I could go off to be a grumpy bastard with my booze. So really, there could be birthday cake dedicated to Jesus on the dinner table for all I care, and I still wouldn’t give a shit.

There are of course personal reasons that go beyond the typical excuses as to why I hate Christmas, but let’s just go with the pathetic and say that it’s because I’m not five years old anymore that I hate the season so much.  Also that the weather takes a turn for the worse – it’s seasonally bad in England anyway – and that my bones start aching.

I thought I might as well get this post out of the way now, as it saves me the trouble of spouting all this nonsense somewhere later down the line. I’m sure one of the more cheerful bastards at tin tee will put up something festive; that it will make me want to throw up.

Merry Christmas.

Scratched together as we drove into Kansas City.  Mostly drum machines and cheesetastic funk samples, but notice the coy sample from the new Wu Tang record.  Yea Yea Yea…

As I dwindle away my freedom – and bathe in poverty – in the solace of my bedroom, donned in pyjama bottoms and a choice of snug scarves, there’s very little to write about. I mean, there’s only so much I could tell you about my four walls, the lamp by my bed that blows a bulb every two months and the way my window creeks like a banshee when I hang it open. When I’m not out and about being a twat face, there really isn’t anything to mention. It’s little wonder I come to tin tee with a slate of blankness, at least in recent times.

It’s good then, that I’ve befriended a very special someone recently. Her name is Hetty, she’s pink and always smiling. She’s also a vacuum cleaner and no, I haven’t tried to have sex with her…yet. Billy, Adam and I made the trip to a nearby department store last week, and there she was, sitting on a shelf and looking pretty in pink with the cutest set of eyes I’m ever likely to see. I don’t know about the others, but Hetty was turning me on in ways that would make my girlfriend – I don’t have one – cheat on me with my best friend – I don’t think I have one of those either.

Still, Adam kindly purchased Hetty, we placed her in the back of the boot of the car – I had the pleasure of carrying the box – and I felt less alone than I did on the ride up. Sadly Hetty can’t speak, but she blows and sucks pretty damn well, and if I want to act mental and pathetically sad, I can pretend she’s conversing with me telepathically about carpet stains and fluff balls. Or whatever else a vacuum cleaner might consider worthwhile chatter.

Long live Hetty. Even though vacuuming is still as fun as having my dick cut off with a rock, at least there’s someone smiling at me when I clean up the stale pizza crumbs on my floor. At least I hope they’re crumbs.

Procrastination is a terrible thing, including my actually using the expression – which I absolutely loathe – and I seem to be doing a lot of nothing lately. This isn’t surprising, considering I am by no stretch of the imagination; a typical twenty-something male with about as much motivation as a shit-covered rock…lying under a seabed of more shit.

Alas, I created tin tee treehouse in February with the hopes of channelling the many itchy fingers and the many lovable yet demented brains of my friends and I. On most fronts it’s been a success; this little blog project. Without quality control and with an open think tank, there’s always been little focus or format. Of course this has always been my intention, and having somewhat restricted myself on past music blogs and an editing slot on a website countless moons ago, I wanted minds – my own included – to run their courses freely on tin tee. A mess emerged, but then this was the hook. We can say what we want and are encouraged to do so. The crew at tin tee are all well within their stations; that we have gone beyond – in some respects – the call of duty would be far too splendid. At least we aim to push ourselves sometimes, perhaps reveal a moment that we thought we could never share.

There are many things that I hate about tin tee, that there have been plenty of posts upped by myself that I’d sooner forget – if only I could – but then that’s just me. I only come good in little sparks and the rest is up for debate. This is something I will have to get used to. The same can be applied to my own life. Perhaps it’s okay that I am not going to achieve anything worthwhile before I‘ve breathed my last breath, and that the grandeur of my childhood memory is something I should lay to rest. Of course I could tie all this back to my obvious lack of motivation, but we’re all thinking it anyway. Swiftly moving on.

Everyone at tin tee is busy right now. A few examples: Morningberryz is busy falling in love, Second Blossoming is estranged from normality and is busy crashing all of his motorbikes, studying sheep science coupled with rocket pharmacy – or something similar – and Henkka is probably drinking himself into a frenzy, with his top off, showing all of his upper body qualities.

So what will become of tin tee and of its writers. Of course it doesn’t really matter.

Oh my gooseness I write these posts so far apart. Aside from the fact that I have a lot of other bullshit I’m working on (since we all know anything you write besides an ISSS post is bullshit), I’m kind of running out of music here. I know I have a bunch of other albums listed on my grand list of albums, but I’m avoiding most of them for one reason or another, so PLEASE SEND ME SOME RECOMMENDATIONS. Last time I got recommendations worked out really well since I got the sleeper gem of the year, The Main Ingredient.

Alright, I guess I’ll start by saying that this album is an acquired taste. First and foremost, it’s ODB. He may or may not have been a bit of a crackhead, so the rapping on here is anything but what people are normally accustomed to. Secondly, this album consists of almost entirely Wu-handled production which turns some people off (these people also happen to be douchebags). If you read these two comments and have any qualms about starting this album, watch this video:

100 times until you think it’s awesome and then continue.

Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version Album Cover

INTRO

If you still had any questions about whether ODB was a crackhead, this pretty much erased them, especially when he talks about how he got gonorrhea and fell in love with someone within 10 minutes and then killed them. If you don’t find this funny, then I have a news flash for you: you’re probably going to hate the rest of the album. Just because it’s funny the first time, though, doesn’t mean you need to listen to it more than once.

SHIMMY SHIMMY YA (10)

Probably ODB’s most widely-known song. The repetitive piano loop is somehow both grimy while maintaining a pop-level of catchiness. This brings back memories for me of Wu-Tang concerts (because ever since his death, any concerts of the entire Wu or a solo member always feature this song as a toast to ODB). For some reason, even the repeated verse and the verse played in reverse in the middle don’t even bother me out of this high a score. Huh.

BABY C’MON (7)

The beat change here is welcome, given that the first beat is overly simplistic, and at this point ODB is not too dusted out to spit some semi-coherent flows, so this song is halfway decent.

BROOKLYN ZOO (10)

My favorite, and arguably ODB’s best, song. ODB actually has a number of SICK battle-style lines here, the instrumental (which, rumor has it, he cooked up himself) is infectious, and did I mention the video is awesome?

There’s a reason this is my ringtone.

HIPPA TO DA HOPPA (7)

Isn’t a little early in the album for you to be re-using some of your own lines, ODB? Regardless, I kind of like how the instrumental is at times a mashed up clusterfuck of ideas, and ODB’s lines that AREN’T reused are pretty funny, mainly because they deal with things like women’s feces and toe fungus.

RAW HIDE (8)

While ODB is even more all over the place than usual, he somehow manages to make it back just in time for the end of the bar. This reminds me of a joke by a comedian whose name I can’t remember who talks about how you go the park in NYC and see these old guys doing yoga and you think it’s beautiful until you get closer and realize it’s these strung out guys who come close but never fall down, but since I can’t remember the guy’s name I won’t bother to tell you the joke. Wait I just did. Regardless, ODB ends up having the worst verse, and Method Man earns bonus points for referencing Macbeth (where witches put period blood in stew).

DAMAGE (9)

Is this too much to ask for? An upbeat collaboration, and a borderline spitfest? Why can’t stuff like this happen more often? This is EXACTLY the kind of stuff I hope to find when I’m going through Wu albums.

DON’T YOU KNOW (DB)

Reuses lyrics from this:

which may or may not be infinity times more entertaining.

THE STOMP (7)

While the beat is pretty useless, ODB’s lyrics are pretty solid and actually resurface in this much better song:

To reiterate, though To iterate, though (look it up, that’s the right word), the beat is a drum loop and that’s it.

GOIN’ DOWN (8)

Even though the first 2 minutes are fairly useless, once the beat drops it is pretty sick and moody, and ODB randomly stopping to sing Over The Rainbow is actually hilarious. Also hilarious, is this video, in which a few of these lyrics appear:

DRUNK GAME (SWEET SUGAR PIE) (DB)

Somehow, ODB isn’t completely terrible at singing. I can’t believe I just said that. Also, if you don’t laugh at ODB’s fake orgasm, then you completely need to lighten up. Regardless, this isn’t worth your time. Watch this instead:

SNAKES (8)

This is the most coherent song on the album. In fact, it actually surprised me with its coherence given videos like this:

All in all, a solid song all members present spit a little somethin somethin about people who are secretly out to get you (behind your back).

BROOKLYN ZOO II (TIGER CRANE)

I can go all day with the ODB videos.

Other than that, there was ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR THIS TO BE 7+ MINUTES LONG, especially when ODB reuses his own lyrics from Damage.

PROTECT YA NECK II IN THE ZOO (6)

While there are still too many people on this song and the beat gets annoying after say a minute or two, I approve of this posse cut if only for the appearance of ODB’s rapping cousin, Shorty Shit Stain. I kid you not.

CUTTIN HEADZ (8)

Supposedly, this is the Clan In Da Front instrumental played in reverse, which I don’t doubt in the least. This song doesn’t overstay its welcome like the last few have, and, as such, ends up getting a better score. ODB has also returned to coherency alongside RZA, making this song a nice break from the reality of the majority of this album.

DIRTY DANCIN’ (6)

Barely passable if not for Method Man’s slickness alongside the instrumental that sounds like you’re the bad guy creeping along in a horror movie.

HARLEM WORLD (DB)

This song is kind of retarded, like showing up in a limo to collect food stamps:

Is this album worth a buy?

Well, 11 of the 17 songs are worth it, but this is definitely a polarizing album; people who aren’t complete Wu freaks may actually HATE this album, but if you build yourself up to the status of a Killa Bee, you may find yourself listening to this one day.

Did you run out of ODB videos yet?

No, actually I didn’t.

How about one more for the road?

Well it’s not technically a video in the sense of the other ones, but it does make me laugh just listening to it.

Method Man, Ghostface and Raekwon…. straight up beast mode!

(Arbitrary rating system is, as always, each album = out of 10 bat symbols)

Beach House- Devotion: Ummmm boring. I’m not a big electronica fan (I don’t even know if this counts as electronica? I’m sure it was made with things that used electricity as a power source!) but this just didn’t move me in the least. I like ‘Gila’, mostly due to the singer’s whiny voice; however, nothing else stands out. All the songs sound the same, and they make it sound like a rainy day. That’s a terrible criticism, because everyone needs rainy day music, but even my depressed music has something meaty to it. Really, this album sounds like easy listening dance music; a contradiction even Bizarro would love! 2 bat symbols.

Bob Dylan- Together Through Time: Okay, first off, his voice sounds like shit. Simply put, oh my God, he sounds like he smoked all the cigarettes in the world and then ate 500 razorblades. Hyperbole! Now, is it any good? That’s like asking if Bob Dylan is a jew! (Oh wait.) The erstwhile Robert Zimmerman manages to come through on this album. It’s essentially a blues album made my one of the greatest songwriters everrrrr, and he doesn’t give a shit about any of the lyrics. There are no crazy turns of phrase or cutting lines; it’s just a tough old guy playing some tough old blues. It’s nowhere near his best music, but it’s still pretty good. Standout tracks are ‘Beyond here Lies Nothin’ and ‘My Wife’s Home Town’. I give this bad boy 7 and a half bat symbols.

Bruce Springsteen- Live 1975-1985: Yeah I’m gonna be giving this 10 bat symbols. It’s an old 3 disc album that has different live versions from concerts by Bruce and the E Street Band that span, you guessed it, 1975-85. And it’s absolutely incredible. It’s got all the best songs from up to that point, including a few very very obscure ones (‘Candy’s Room’?). Having recently attended my first Springsteen concert, I feel that I can say these songs come the closest to capturing Bruce and the band’s spirit. Seriously, every song is great. I think the best may be ‘The River’, if only for the heartfelt story Bruce tells about his father and the Vietnam war. Also recommended is the famous live version of ‘Thunder Road’ and the best Clarence ‘the Big Man’ Clemons has ever played in ‘Tenth Avenue Freeze Out’. (Completely unscientific I-don’t-know-anything-about-music list of the greatest sax players of all time:
1. Clarence ‘the Big Man’ Clemons
2. John Coltrane
3. Dave Rubel aka DR). One big caveat about this album is that it may be for fans only; even though it serves as a sort of greatest hits plus more collection, it’s probably not the best intro for the unconverted. (Upon hearing the version of ‘Hungry Heart’,  Adrienne asked me why the hell the audience was singing half the lyrics instead of Bruce). So, yeah 10 bat symbols out of 10 if you’re a fan, and if not go and listen to ‘Born to Run’. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Wilco- Wilco (The Album): For some reason I find this album title to be really funny. It really takes the conceit of the self titled album to new heights. This album is quite good, utilizing both it’s quiet moments and louder rockier moments to form a really cohesive sound. Jeff Tweedy’s voice has rarely sounded better, and the band might be the tightest they’ve been. It stays away from the more experimental sound that they’ve cultivated on past albums (especially ‘Yankee Hotel Foxtrot’). This manages to create a better album but it’s missing the absolutely EPIC songs that really won me over to the band. The best tracks are ‘You and I’ and ‘Wilco (The Song)’. 8 out of 10 bat symbols.

Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band- Outer South: Better than Bright Eyes! Conor Oberst combines the rootsy sound that Bright Eyes absolutely excels at with the decision to rock out and have some fun. ‘Roosevelt Room’ is a great example of this; the electric guitar positively crackles, like a bowl of Rice Krispies (forced metaphor, say yeah!). However, he doesn’t lose the midwest vibe of his previous work. ‘Snake Hill’ sounds like it should be sung around a campfire by the cowboys taking a break from rounding up cattle. (I never understood how this worked. Are the cattle that dumb that they can easily be directed where to go by a few guys on horses? What did the horses tell the cows that they would get if they followed them?). A very good effort that actually makes me want to see Oberst live; seven out of 10 bat symbols.

Weezer- Raditude: Weezer is among many things that bring out the 15 year old girl in me. (Also included in this list: first season of the OC, Lily Allen, and She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb). You know what you’re getting with this album: delightful pop with a tinge of irony in Rivers Cuomo’s lyrics. And it works. It’s slightly repetitive, and nowhere near as Pinkerton (holy shit, Pinkerton is so good. Really, I think that has to go down as an Underrated Classic. Cuomo rips himself wide open on ‘Across the Sea’ and leaves everything in that song). Back to 2009, Raditude brings what you want from Weezer, with a few surprises including a Lil’ Wayne cameo (Yup. Is he the music equivalent of Wolverine? Shows up to boost sales even if he adds nothing to the proceedings?) Best songs are ‘I’m Your Daddy’ (unfortunately not about Pedro Martinez) and ‘The Girl Got Hot’, which has very funny lyrics. 6 bat symbols.

Dave Matthews Band- Big Whiskey And The GrooGrux King- The cult that is Dave Matthews Band returns. The Chairman Mao of the music world’s new album really left me feeling flat. Confession: I’m a DMB fan who doesn’t really care for the band at all. I love a few songs, but if the song isn’t familiar, I just don’t care for it. This doesn’t make sense, and you should rightly cast aspersions on my reviewing ability right now (ha! You did that at least 45 minutes ago). The actual songs are okay, but they aren’t classics and therefore i don’t care. Because I am a fool. I didn’t want to listen to this album again, so I’m not recommending any standout tracks. 4 bat symbols.

Next time: Ida Maria, Monsters of Folk, Todd Snider, Raekwon, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Swell Season and Serge Gainsbourg!

What I’ve gotten recently: (arbitrary rating system = each album out of 10 bat symbols)

Pearl Jam- Backspacer: I really enjoyed this, although I really felt like something was missing. Maybe because the last PJ album I’ve heard was Ten Redux, which, frankly, is just going to spoil you. I like how they can experiment with their sound without really coming across too differently and breaking your trust. I’d give it 7 and a half Bat-symbols. (By the way, Eddie Vedder ranks number 3 on the list of celebrities I pretend I’m related to:
1. Roger Federer
2. Sergei Federov [by far the number 1 choice in the 90s]
3. Easy Ed).

Arkells- Jackson Square: A local (well, Hamilton) band. This album is from last year, but I heard it for the first time recently.  It’s absolutely fantastic, with a nice relaxed vibe that makes me wish I had this album kicking around over the summer. It’s quite a lot of fun, and no one should be surprised that I like a band with song titles like “The Ballad of Hugo Chavez” and “No Champagne Socialist”. Bonus points for the album title; according to Shervin, Jackson Square is a Hamilton mall that is “shitty, like Hillcrest, before the renovation”. I give it 8 and half bat symbols.

Black Crowes- Before The Frost: Ah, the Black Crowes. Everyone knows “She Talks to Angels” and “Hard To Handle”, and of course, the Kate Hudson marriage, but how many Crowes fans do you actually meet? Well, if you’ve met me (and God help you if you haven’t), then you know a fan. This album is quite good, with a classic Southern rock vibe that still contains a big-time modern element. By far the stand-out track is “I Ain’t Hiding”, with a KILLER baseline. 8 bat symbols. I just looked up the album on wikipedia (FIX YO RESEARCH), and I found out it was recorded in front of a live audience…. at Levon Helm’s studio. Levon Helm, the most Canadian American there ever was. (Most American Canadian? Brian Mulroney. Ask anyone who had Mr. Warne; this is the only answer you could get.)

Ghostface Killah- Ghostdini Wizard Of Poetry In Emerald City: Admittedly a great album title, my main man Ghost’s newest album is certainly a departure from his usual work. While his trademark, uh, unique flow (batshit insanity) remains, he seems reined in by the album’s concept. It’s an R & B album, and while it’s pleasant to listen to, it just doesn’t work. To be honest, it just kind of fades into the background, which is NOT something i want from Ghost. The best track, by far, is “Stapleton Sex”, in which Ghost describes in great detail exactly what he will be doing to a woman. This is the type of song I put on a CD because I think it’s awesome, everyone else hates, and I have to pretend I still like it for months after (see every song by Lil Wayne, O Saya, and the Human by the Killers for previous examples). I respect the attempt but I got to give Ghost 5 and a half bat symbols. It’s a pass…

Nirvana- Bleach: Okay so 17 year old me LOVES LOVES LOVES Nirvana. I’ve never heard Bleach in its entirety, and I downloaded the 20th anniversary edition. And this album kind of sucks. I really tried to like it, and I actually enjoyed the music. But Kurt’s voice…. and the lyrics. Oh boy. I just couldn’t get into it. It came with a live album that was more of the same. I guess I can look at this as a good thing, because 17 was six whole years ago and frankly, most of what I liked then stinks. Alas, poor Kurt, we knew him. (what’s more pretentious than quoting Willy Shakes? Is it referring to him as Willy Shakes?). I give this 2 bat symbols.

Sufjan Stevens- The BQE: We have reached what was certainly not the worst album I want to review, but the most disappointing. Okay I love me some Sufjan; Illinoise is one of the best albums of all time. But, he often leaves me cold. The early stuff has some stand out tracks, and Michigan was okay, but this…. It’s basically a classical album with a few of Steven’s usual musical quirks. However, (big however) there are no words. It is completely lyric free. I’m somewhat of a word over music guy. It’s partly because I have no musical talent (no writing talent either say the three people who will read this), but to me, something’s just missing. Part of Steven’s appeal is his voice and his lyrics, and frankly they’re missing here. While it is somewhat pleasing to listen to, it all kind of melded together, to the point where I can’t even recommend any specific tracks. 3 bat symbols.

I have a few more to review, but I’ll save that for next time. Sneak preview: Weezer, Raekwon the Chef, Swell Season, Monsters of Folk, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and more.

previous chapters found here

Wu – paragraphs ending in [w]

Jo – paragraphs ending in [j]

CHAPTER EIGHT: GOOD GROPING! THE BIRTH OF THE ISLAND SPIDERMAN

”well Jo, my dear. Ever since Alf came into my life, I’ve been three hookers short of an orgy. But you know, your panties fit so well around my package” Billy winked, his face a quick turn of crazy. Jo looked to Wu for a solution, that of which he couldn’t give. And so, with the thought of Jo’s ass still dancing around in his head, Wu wandered off in the direction of the whiskey scent. [w]

‘Why must all the men on this island be either deranged or perverted idiots…’ Jo thought to herself.
“HEY WU, GET BACK HERE!!” She pulled off his shirt and put it on, leaving Wu cold and topless.
“What was that for??” “I got cold.”
Wu scowled and covered his tiny little nipples with his index fingers, “I feel so vulnerable and exposed right now..”

Just then, SB’s ears perked up and he came running up to the two. “Why, hello there Wu–” “No! Don’t, ..please! NOOOOOO” [j]

SB went in for a feel; that his fingers cracked into excitement the moment they touched Wu’s flesh. ”Get…seriously SB, get the fuck off my body” ”Don’t be so shy. You should be proud of the way god put you together” SB winked. ”…I suppose you have a point there. I am, by any sensible definition, a fucking sexy bastard”. Jo rolled her eyes at the pathetic sight of Wu’s male bravado and SB’s perverseness. [w]

Henkka swaggered up and wiped some drool off his chin. He ran a finger down Wu’s chest which sent shivers down his spine. The Finn leaned in and began to lick the Asian man’s nipple, he pinched the other with his fingers. SB stood behind Wu and buried his face into his hair, inhaling his odour and groaning. All three men had huge erections. Jo didn’t know whether to be repulsed, turned on or.. well, even more repulsed. If only she had a camera for this Kodak moment. [j]

Wu soon came to his senses – although most of them were often found lacking – and he decided to leave Henkka and SB to carry on with whatever was happening. It soon became apparent that the boys would not let him go, and so Wu gently let out a silent fart, that of which stunk worse than a camel’s rectum after a Vindaloo curry. Soon the two horny bastards fled the scene howling in disgust. [w]

He looked down at his left nipple which was wet with Henkka’s saliva, curious Wu rubbed his fingertip over it and licked the liquid. It tasted like vodka and sunshine! Oh, to think of what it’d be like to kiss those Finnish lips.

“Umm you’re sure enjoying yourself.” Wu opened his eyes and realized he was still rubbing his nipples, circling his fingers over and over in a trance-like state. All the girls were standing together like a pack of fluffy, cute kittens and looked disgusted at the man. [j]

”Oh come on!’’ Shouted Wu ‘’Don’t give me those wretched looks. I know you all enjoyed it as much as I did. Look” he pointed and then walked over to MB ”This girl can’t get enough. feel how hard her nipples have gotten” and so Wu continued to rub up MB. [w]

“You asshole! Look at how scared she is, leave her alone!” Murr picked up a stick and began beating Wu off MB. He fell onto his bum and his glasses dropped onto the sand. “No.. no!! I can’t see without my glasses!” and like a poor, blind man he crawled around feeling the sand for his precious glasses.

But nobody told him that Jo had picked them up and pocketed them in his shirt that she was wearing. The girls all giggled and walked off, leaving Wu helpless and half naked. [j]

Wu – who could see as well as his dead grandmother at the best of times – crawled across the sand in search of his glasses, cursing every single girl on the island. Jo, who was now walking away with the others leaned into MB. ”Sorry about Wu. He’s got as much charm as a dog shit covered in more dog shit”. MB tilted her head down into a cute little scrunch. ”Actually, his hands on my boobs felt nice”. ”you can’t be serious” said Jo. ”well, he’s still an idiot, but he knows his way around a boob” [w]

MB looked up at Jo in surprise. “Y-You really think so?” Jo laughed, “No way! Wu is disgusting and there is no way I would ever want him to touch my body. Ever.” Murr still held the stick and was tapping it up and down against the palm of her hand, “Hmm why did you take his glasses then?” The girls all stopped walking and stared at Jo. “I- uhh.. black magic?”

Billy skipped over to his dear friend Wu. “I made you something!” “Billy, look, I’m kinda busy–” “Take it!!!” Wu squinted up at the Englishman and took what was in his hand. A bunch of leaves that were messily tied together in some sort of shape. “..what is this?” “A new pair of glasses, silly!” Wu smiled. At least someone was looking out for him here. [j]

Billy skipped off on another one of his adventures, and no one quite knew what to make of them. An hour ago Murr caught Billy rubbing a bees nest into the deposits of his eyelids. Clearly the man had gone insane. ”You know, even with two bottles of whiskey deep within my viens, Billy’s still one mental son of a goat fucker”. Said Henkka to Rocky, both boys watching the events of the morning from a distance. [w]

Rocky scratched his head and turned to Henkka, “What was up with you and Wu earlier? And SB..” Henkka felt his melt melt when he heard Wu’s name mentioned. His pale cheeks blushed a soft shade of pink and he looked down at his feet. “N-Nothing Rocky, I guess I was just a bit too drunk eh?” Rocky rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Henkka got up and walked off, “I’ll be back later.” he told the younger boy and he went to find Wu. “Mmmm…” he could still taste the Asian’s nipple off the tip of his tongue. It was sweet. [j]

Rocky pondered to himself for awhile; his own voice a better friend than anyone else on the island he thought. His peers had all gone crazy. At least it seemed that way. ”If Henkka isn’t gay” Rocky began ”Then I’m not a short Vietnamese boy and a spider didn’t just lay her eggs inside my ear”. Rocky began to hear the sound of lots of little legs crawling around his brain. [w]

He decided to be brave and not alarm anyone, of course he’s a grown man now and needed to sort out his problems on his own. He took a deep breath and held in a scream of sheer horror. What to do, oh what to do? Wait! Of course! If there’s anything that his country, the United States of America, has taught him.. it’s when such freak of nature incidents happen, surely he’ll take on the abilities of the creature that has bit him and will become a superhero! “But.. this isn’t how Spiderman became Spiderman..” Oh well. A hundred baby arachnids in his head, he could take on all their power and become the ultimate spiderman! Rocky rushed off to plan his new superhero costume. [j]

MB noticed Juju in the far reaches of her sight, near the curb of rocks across the way, and she decided to see what juju was up to. ‘’What do you call this’’ MB enquired. ‘’I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think people call this wood’’ Juju waved,  twigs and cuttings resting in the palms of her hands’’ ‘’w…wood?’’ ‘’Yeah. I think they come from something called a tree. Don’t quote me on that. I’m making a shelter’’. MB thought about this for awhile, and then the information escaped her. All that was left was the rising sun, and the way it made everything sparkle. [w]

Ladies love Cool James, ODB doesn’t.