Last week, when I called to make sure my company’s reservations were all kosher, they were. And then, when my coworkers got there on Monday, things were suddenly… fucked. As in, royally. After spending almost an hour on the phone with you and your screeching (yet rasping!) voice, trying to reinstate the reservations you and your hotel minions managed to botch up and then CANCEL (but it wasn’t your fault!), and then being on hold for almost forever, and then being bounced from the billing department to you and back, and then having YOU yell at ME because I was getting frustrated and my voice was raised, I was done. I didn’t hang up because I was being rude. I hung up because I was going to call you a cunt and I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want you to know that you got the best of me, so I hung up the phone, screamed “CUNT” at the top of my lungs, then calmly called back.

While my issues were finally resolved the second time around (most likely because I ended up speaking to Trevor and not you), I’m going to have to go ahead and advise you to leave the customer service industry. Maybe something more your style, like being a lady hogger. Or an alligator wrestler. Or a meth hooker. Your call.

Next time, we’re staying at the Venetian.

-Me

Number one is Bill Hicks. Simply put, the most brilliantly angry and poignant stand-up the world has ever known. Taken from us prematurely at just 34 years of age, he was all set to be the voice of a generation fed up with the state of the world. From  anti-abortion retards, to the persecution of gays in the military, to the swathes of lazy fucking ignorant mouth-breathing, mall-going, Cops-watching drones who make up the majority of the population, Bill Hicks let them have it and then some. Let’s just thank Christ he didn’t have to live to see the age of reality TV.

What seperated Hicks from his peers was that he channelled his anger into something downright hilarious and yet meaningful at the same time. His was comedy with a message, at the heart of which was a plea to his audience to just think for themselves, to question all the bullshit around them and got-damn do something about it. Even if that something was just to sit back and laugh at it all.