Tags » 12 Steps

No Trust Left

It’s not the nicest thing to consider or to own. But this is what’s left. I don’t trust anyone. I’m always suspicious, wondering people’s motives. Worse now more than ever… The therapist I saw and will be seeing again once I get what I’m owed said ‘is it any wonder you are mistrustful, you’ve had your faith and your heart broken repeatedly.’ The last time was Barty and in one therapy session where I walked out and he called me to comeback, he said ‘I want to be that man you can trust and prove to you that relationships can be trusted, especially with me.’ And then he stepped over the line too, leaving me spitting up blood on occasion because he knew the exact buttons to press for maximum effect because he was my therapist and had the essence of me ; I sat there hour after hour and gave him my very inner workings with every session. 239 more words

Sponsor for my Recovery

As I think about all of the people that I have asked to be a sponsor for my recovery program, it looks like I will have to start a new list. 314 more words


A clean break

Clearly I need to stop spending so much time looking at my phone. Facebook and the Guardian news app have virtually taken over my spare time. 2,201 more words


Recovering Me

It’s like waking up into a nightmare. The pulse still fast, the breathing shallow and that lingering fear of something being very wrong. The feeling is still there for days, weeks, even months. 971 more words

JOURNAL ENTRY: Thursday 20 October 2016

Wow! It’s been over two months since I last posted a journal entry, which just goes to show that I really don’t want to face the world when I’m living with and dealing with crippling anxiety and suicidal depression. 858 more words


Storm of the Century

Consistently rising tides breach the banks of destitution, freeing a spirit from being engrossed in depths of total darkness; as if a storm surge of clarity finally saturates a consciousness deserted – delivered from unabridged ignorance and robustly thrust into a thriving enthusiasm to embody virtue; to actively hunt what is honorable and heed what is noble whether or not that lies in the face of adversity – disseminating the region masterfully concealed within where brute, unrefined strength of character is essentially derived from; to finally comprehend and pledge adherence to respect these convictions of the heart – the most grueling but scrupulous means of gaining entry into the expanse of genuine inner peace; to unleash an authenticity that has been extinct since undergoing the digressive transformation which paved a course for total corruption; existing solely in the duplicitous – to commit premeditated murder on the complete and comprehensive interest to satisfy self alone.  998 more words


I didn't know what I didn't know

My Dad told me that getting sober is about growing up. One of the first things that I can remember becoming clear to me in those early days was that I didn’t know everything. 770 more words