Tags » Anorexia

the end of therapy?

My therapist brought up something today that I was completely unprepared for: ending therapy. My shock was apparent as I began explaining why I didn’t think I was ready: therapy grounds me, it keeps me in check, I still slip up, etc. 495 more words


It’s hard to disentangle the conflictual resentment held towards something which is generally considered a ‘good thing’, yet also has caused significant pain. Like my time at Oxford, exercise is something that, used in a certain way, may be of long-term benefit, but in my experience has too often wrought identity-dissolving waves of anxiety and obsession. 963 more words


Busy, struggling, but holding on

I’ve been absent on wordpress for a while. I’ve been checking in, and reading, and am so grateful to all of you who write about recovery as you keep me tethered to the world of recovery and remind me of why I need to work towards it. 160 more words

Blog Posts

I miss my eating disorders

I used to be fat.  Really fucking fat.  Like 5′ 3″ and 187 pounds fat.  And then some boy I had a crush on made a mean comment about my weight and I went straight home and threw out every single item of food in my apartment.   657 more words


Till Death Do Us Part

Essentially, you get married to the disorder. The commitment… it’s a life-long thing. All disorders have far reaching effects, but some of them will end the life they belong to. 348 more words

The Hole

This hole I’m in,
I didn’t dig it,
Not purposefully.
My foot slipped,
Earth cascaded away beneath me
Before I knew it,
I was knee deep in a muddy hole. 81 more words


Taking up space*

The issue of taking up space is one that seems to come up time and time again in my life.  As a young child, I was quiet and well behaved and easy to miss.  1,194 more words