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This year I'm thankful for the shit-wiches I'll be consuming all week made from the leftovers of today's fine and Fancy Feast.

My two grandmas always used Thanksgiving, funerals, and graduations as opportunities to whip out their five gallon serving tanks and concoct their showiest aspics to proudly flank the colorless yet edible Midwestern buffet spreads featuring the inevitable ham, German potato salad, hard rolls, and pickle-olive plates. 546 more words

Vintage Food

Surprise! Your fish-sauced Jello has juicy innards.

“I AM LUNCHEON-BOT. MUST CLUTCH LEMON. SOME HUMAN PUKED UP PEPTO BISMOL AND PORK ON MY SOLAR PANEL.”

Vintage Food

It's going to be Sally Season if she doesn't knock this shit off.

“HONEY, I’m home! Golly, I’m famished. What’s for dinner?”

“Oh, just something I picked up off the floor of this crazy dive bar I discovered down the street that I encased with gelatin.” 108 more words

Vintage Food

"We have enough beautiful food for the content, Phil, so just put the butt-ugly mistakes on the cover."

How to make beautiful food in a mold! How to compose soothing symphonies using only recorders and kazoos! How to look magnificent in a bikini by gaining two hundred pounds! 40 more words

Vintage Food

It's still not dark enough

I don’t care how artfully dark the lighting guy made this scene, I can still clearly see a half dozen shrimp vomiting into Mt. Wobbles, the Shrine to the Ass-tec God of Arti-Choke and Kill-rabi which demands an annual sacrifice of two bottles of extra virgin olive oil to uphold said god’s greasiness quotient.

Vintage Food