Tags » Complete And Utter Shit

The Pot of Gore: Leprechaun Origins

As The Church of Chang’s foremost lepologist, it’s my duty to review any Leprechaun movie out there. I first heard of a new Lep movie a couple of years ago, when the production company drank in my local boozer. 1,479 more words

Film

Halloween: Resurrection. Or as I like to think of it, the series returning to form

I’m sick to death of the sight of this review so I’m publishing it. Sorry about the rough state of it.

Who on earth thought this was a good idea? 1,272 more words

Film

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (on any mug that's stupid enough to watch it)

Halloween 5 was a disaster on every level. It was a disaster for the people that made it, a disaster for the people that watched it, and a disaster for the cynical producer types that sadly had their “KER-CHING” curtailed. 967 more words

Film

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (on the audience)

Why won’t this bloody series die? I’ve now long passed the point where I wish I hadn’t started it, and I now actively resent the increasingly boring, turgid and unimaginative dreck with The Shape, robbed of all menace, tiresomely killing identikit teenagers. 1,197 more words

Film

Video Game Adaptations: Resident Evil Retribution

Clever title, this. In that I want retribution on everyone involved in this atrocity. I’m going to go out on a limb here and nail my colours to the mast: Resident Evil 5 is the worst film of 2012, the worst PWSAnderson film (that’s going some), and the worst Video Game Adaptation ever made. 2,143 more words

Film

Fuck the Occupy movement. Jarv gets supremely bored by, and then incredibly pissed off at, COSMOPOLIS

Droid nailed this down as the worst film of 2012. While I have seen some of the other mentioned stinkers, and think that the worst film of last year was the incomparably awful Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, he is right about how “good” it is. 1,184 more words

Film

Jarv's 2012 retrospective part 2: The worst that I reviewed

Having gone through my 2012, it appears that not only have I watched an awful lot of films, but I’ve also reviewed an awful lot. Unfortunately, given the content of the average film that I review, the vast majority of them have been middling to downright awful. 2,409 more words

Film