“What… what IS this abomination? Two seats?! This is madness! I want my mom’s money back!”

Let’s face it: if you ever played Mario Kart 64 (or even Super Mario Kart) as a child before transitioning to Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, the above quote was probably you at some point. You couldn’t bear the change. You couldn’t deal with the idea of relinquishing partial control of your kart to another player. You wanted a more advanced Mario Kart 64, not a more gimmicky one.

Truth be told, I was that person for the longest time. Sure, there was an amount of fun to be had, but it was a guilty pleasure of sorts. It became, amongst my brothers and friends, almost a shameful decision to settle for Double Dash when the prior version was readily available to play. “It doesn’t have the same tight, responsive controls. The tracks in the old one were better. Special items are unbalanced. Two people in one kart is gay.”

Fast forward a decade: I live in a house with four other dudes, and 90% of the games we collectively own lack a local multiplayer mode. We start craving some old-fashioned multiplayer action; Super Smash Bros. is only fun for so long (for them anyway, because it’s a bit discouraging to lose 9 out of 10 matches to me). One of the guys gets the bright idea to play Mario Kart, only to give me a look of pure disdain when I fire up the Wii version. “The Gamecube one!” he suggests, to my inner dread. Not the worst one in the series!

Within minutes, I’m trying not to choke on vomit as the title screen flashes onto the screen and the music blares all around me. “Let’s do two versus two,” someone suggests, and I jot down his name on a very secret list, right under the guy who invented microtransactions. I am designated to be a driver (not like that) and I beg one last time for mercy as the menu fades out and the race fades in.

Fifteen minutes later, I was having the time of my life. We all were. “Why has this never been nearly this fun in the past?” I thought to myself, but then I realized something: I always used to avoid the cooperative mechanic in Double Dash when I should have been embracing it. In my defense, I was never much for friends when I first played; now that I have actual, semi-competent gamer friends to play with, a 2-on-2 grand prix is an insanely invigorating and competitive experience, and it’s hard to stop laughing, even when controllers start being thrown.

The key is this: I used to view having a racing partner as a handicap, and it is when you’re playing with stupid kids who literally don’t know the meaning of the word “cooperation.” The truth is that it can be a handicap at times and a blessing at others, and it can change from race to race or even minute to minute. But no matter what’s happening to you, you know that, in a 2-on-2, the other two are going through the same things. It takes so much more than just Mario Kart skills to win a match like that; it takes teamwork, perseverance, and consistency. Even when my kart falls behind, I know that the other team can fall just as spectacularly, often more so.

The smallest things make the biggest differences in team play. Character selection determines special items and kart weight class. Kart selection affects the capabilities of the driver, so if a passenger wants to have King Boo’s grab-bag special item ability, but the driver sucks at controlling heavier karts, someone has to make a sacrifice, and it has to be done from the perspective of helping the team win, or else the other team has an advantage. It’s also important for drivers and passengers to be familiar with how their teammates play. I personally hate when my passenger mashes the L and R buttons in a flailing attempt to give other racers a love tap because it throws off my steering. Same goes for when a passenger gets frustrated because his driver won’t drive in a straight line long enough to line up an item shot. Communication is extremely vital in these situations. And did I mention that it takes two people to use drift boosts in team play?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you’ve dismissed Double Dash as a mediocre Mario Kart title at some point in the past, you should definitely try getting three of your friends in your living room and throwing down double-team-style. It becomes a deeper and entirely different experience. Just make sure the entire room is padded and the controllers are done up in bubble wrap before the first race is underway.

Tags » Exclamation

Elf exclamation on Humorous Thoughts Thursday

Mario Kart: Double Dash!! - Both Exclamation Marks are Necessary