I have gazed out that window pane of pain for years and my heart has broken bit by bit.Tiny shards that slit slices of thinning flesh in my insistently punctured soul.Covering my wounds in shame because the past and the present collide.Nothing surprises me anymore as I lay here bleeding out upon the stones thrown years and years.Can I conceal another full on blow.Caring carelessly contradicts itself because I am battle born.Worn from years of dealing with the emptiness I have so long known.No matter where I seem to wander you have something to say about it but I am a prodigal girl.Traveling a rough path in which ends in this cell.Shackled.Sold into this familiar hell cut by your constant scorn.Can I do right by you or will I forever remain cast into the category of a demon in your strict coiling cursing eyes.Am I the monster you say I am or am I just the creature that lived by a different sword.One un-approved of.What I love was crushed and forced away because I protected them from you though it was I who paid the price as I mourned loss over and over until it was all numb but the rotting goes on.Myself you won’t let me find because eternally it seems I have been confided.My mistakes are my own and the way it seems I will always have to play perfect of die of the acid you use to burn me alive.I howl for a way to escape.Any place.Anywhere where I can rest my tired essence and live a life finally that is my own.I love you but you have to let me lead my own destiny or turn me into that nightmarish thing you dread.Though I have prayed so many nights to die …that cruel bitch they call fate won’t give me that reward.Forgotten would be nice.I cannot be what you want me to be.It is impossible.So take off the lock or watch me walk to a world hidden from thee.A sea undiscovered.Beyond your grasp.
Tags » Hopelessness
“forever is composed of nows ”
– Emily Dickinson
Author’s note : There are certain things that Miss Dickinson says, that stay with you , and continue to bother you for the rest of your life .This quote is one of them, for it states the importance of the living present and reminds us, that what we though of as perhaps the everlasting story of our lives is nothing more than procrastination and unsatisfactory blogging. 326 more words