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Jamaican Relationships: The Six Men To Avoid

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Relationships…. What can we say about relationships?

This is one topic that I know the content is never-ending. In campus, we used to have an open session to speak about relationships and there has not been a single day when our discussions have adequately ended. 941 more words

Lifestyle In Jamaica

Ten ways To Love Her

“Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are OK. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. They form a relationship and get married to affirm their place in the world. 986 more words

Snippets

nobarrs reblogged this on THE ISLAND JOURNAL and commented:

“Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are OK. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. They form a relationship and get married to affirm their place in the world. They learn, they think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. They call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. They wonder where love went.” This is a guest post by Dan Nthumbi. It was never really love in the first place; it was an attempt to feel the comfort they found with their mother. A man’s wife, girlfriend or partner is not his mother. The love he needs to show her is of a totally different kind. It’s critical that a man understands this in learning how to love a woman. Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:

Why Wait to Have Sex in Marriage? A man's perspective...

Some wait for sex… Why? There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others…” That’s what this article is about. 2,093 more words

Societal Awareness

nobarrs reblogged this on THE ISLAND JOURNAL and commented:

Reblogged Some wait for sex… Why? There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others…” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls & relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down eight reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex… 1) I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… During my sexpades in high school & a bit in campus, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. I was so empty & almost suicidal. Media told me sex was the in thing & that i would get fulfillment. WHAT A BUNCH OF LIARS!!! That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards. The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon & night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling — the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards. Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?” I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more, that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn’t, e.g. we get the car we’ve always wanted but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.”) But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.” 2) I now want to be more honorable toward women… I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex, i.e. their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love, guys use love to get sex.” This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it & while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman? Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret & the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (i.e. what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself & insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with. 3) That’s somebody else’s wife… Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it. And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now & feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday. You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc. 4) Sex has killed my best relationships… For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thick between us & fear we might break up & be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage. I really love her & I pray day & night that we do not break up. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex. Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. So, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we had waited. I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next. 5) Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship… For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to). 2) She began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to). I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect & lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this — he doesn’t respect her, she knows it & she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad & more common than you might think but nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. The movie & TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is. 6) Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage… Why? Because we’ll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her & her having more trust in me. One thing I’ve learned: if a girl doesn’t trust a guy, she doesn’t want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn’t really enjoy being with him. This is how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn’t need to use sex to get him anymore. And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy — who doesn’t treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage — still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It’s just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage. I’m not making this stuff up. Now that I’m out of college & many people around me are getting married, I’m seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife & the woman a greater respect for her husband & consequently, they’ll have better & more frequent sex because they respect each other more & love each other more deeply. 7) Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage… Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it “casual.” The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of scotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything. If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won’t be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won’t cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won’t love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I’ve remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better. It’s a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That’s ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman. 8) I don’t have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.” Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That’s what I’ve found out. It’s supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well. I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine. Something else needs to said here. Another thing I think I’ve “discovered” is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it’s doomed to fail. It’s like being in prison. You’re locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating. But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship & the sex isn’t the focus, then you’re freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular (because it won’t be.) And yet, I don’t think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn’t present at all. That’s why I think it’s best to wait altogether.

Why Silence Can be More Powerful than Words with a Man

Ladies,

As women, we LOVE words.  Marriage counselor and author, Bob Grant, likes to say, “Words are for women.”  We usually like to emote, talk, share, chat, email, text, talk on the phone and relate.  1,859 more words

Developing A Feminine Spirit

nobarrs reblogged this on THE ISLAND JOURNAL and commented:

woman 2THE PROBLEM Today, women often expect men to act like women – our culture has taught us to do this, and we don’t even question it. We expect men to be just like us – to think like us, to process emotions like us, to need to talk about their feelings like we do, to love words and emotional “connection” like we do, to want to sit face to face and talk for hours. We expect them to be like our close girlfriends. quotes about anger Here’s some surprising news! Men aren’t like women. God made us to be very different. It’s good that we are different from each other. But we get ourselves into a lot of trouble when we assume that men think, process and feel like we do and that when they say or do things it would mean the same thing that we would mean if we did that thing. Did that make sense? There are some similarities, of course. But there are many differences – and if we don’t understand those differences, we end up speaking a foreign language to men. We misunderstand them and they misunderstand us. That is frustrating! Our relationships work MUCH better when we understand men, allow them to be masculine and admire them for being masculine. The differences are what make relationships between men and women so magnetic!

Great Sex Techniques for Men To Become a Hero In the Bedroom

Sexual Foreplay and After Play, Be a Hero In The Bedroom

FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY

As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. 2,181 more words

nobarrs reblogged this on THE ISLAND JOURNAL and commented:

FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. Maybe you are experiencing less than great sex with the man in your life or past men in your life. As a man speaking in defense of men, there is really no place for men to learn how to give our partners great sex . There is no SCHOOL FOR SEX out there. We all know where the body parts go, but men for the most part do not adequately understand a woman’s sexuality and how to give you fantastic sex. It is for this reason that I am writing this article. If you share this article with the man that you care about and tell him that you would really like to experience these things and ask him to do them with you, I promise, you will have better more enjoyable sex. In conversations with women, I have come to understand that you need a transition period from the rat race to moving towards making love with your man. Most of you don’t have an “instant on” like men.

  1. Brushing Hair - Foreplay
Now I realize that for most of you, you are not necessarily going to get sexually aroused from having your hair brushed. What it does however is to give you that transition time to move towards sexual availability. The act of having your hair brushed is very pleasurable and releases endorphins in the brain. You feel pampered and that pampered feeling then causes you to have affectionate feelings towards your man. Five to ten minutes of hair brushing is a wonderful way to decompress from the daily grind. Animals instinctively groom each other, and is something that we should do more. Your life will be better with more tactile stimulation.
  1. Head to Toe Massage - Foreplay
This Foreplay technique has worked for me with every partner that I have ever been with. It is so effective as an arousal technique that I had an ex wife who would not make love with me unless I gave her a massage first. I start by stoking and lightly scratching a woman’s scalp with my fingernails. I then proceed from her neck all the way down to her feet. I spend more time massaging a woman’s butt like I am kneading bread. You have nerve endings in your butt that you did not even know that you have. I have never failed getting a woman wet from massaging her butt. I go on down and spend time massaging her feet. There is good reason for this. All of the nerve endings in your body terminate in your feet. By massaging the feet, you stimulate and wake up all of the nerves in a woman’s body. It prepares the rest of her body to be stimulated and aroused.
  1. Let Your Man Undress You But Stop Him at Bra and Panties. - Foreplay
(Author’s aside: So many of you out there are wearing utilitarian underwear, white nylon panties with no lace and a functional bra. Men get turned on visually, make sure that you have lacy and frilly bras and panties. Would you want a present that was not nicely wrapped or a cake with no frosting on it? Men need to see you in lacy and frilly lingerie.) The logic behind the man undressing you and having you stop him at bra and panties is to slow him down. The act of undressing you is a turn on for both of you as well. I tell my clients sex feels good, why rush it. Far too many men treat lovemaking like they do masturbation; they want to get it over in a hurry. Once you are down to bra and panties, have him continue a different variation of massage by lightly and slowly running fingertips up and down your entire body on both sides. This is incredibly arousing for you.
  1. Lightly Stroke Nipples Through The Bra - Foreplay
The idea behind keeping those bras and panties on and slowing down also reminds us of a bygone time in high school where we were furtively fondling. It adds to the excitement. Having your man lightly stroking your nipples through the bra gets them erect. Then let him slide his hand inside the cup of the bra before you allow him to remove your bra, all the while kissing you. Then he can remove the bra and proceed to more vigorous stimulation of your breasts and nipples by sucking them hard and fondling your breasts.
  1. Stimulate you and stroke you through your panties - Foreplay
Have him lightly stoke the midline of your vagina back and forth through your panties. Then have him blow hot breath through the panties over your clitoris. The warmth of his breath and the pressure of his lips on your mound through the panties is wonderfully arousing. Then have your man hook a finger inside the leg band of your panties and have him run his finger up and down inside the leg-band of the panties on both sides without actually touching your vagina. This will have you becoming very aroused and getting wet. After a few minutes of him doing this, then you can let him slide his hand inside your panties. It is not only arousing but brings back those memories of heavy petting in high school or maybe even junior high for some of you. After an extended session of this, then have him pull your panties off very slowly. The slow removal of panties is very erotic and sensual. If you really want to turn it up a notch and get passionate, have him literally rip your panties off by hooking his hand in the waistband and with one very strong yank, literally rip them off of you. What you lose by the panties being ruined, you gain in tremendous arousal. Every partner that I have ever done this with has gotten incredibly turned on because of the fear and the excitement that the act engenders in them. Most women like to be taken forcefully sometimes by a strong confident man.
  1. Vaginal Penetration with the Tongue. - Foreplay
Most men naturally go for your clitty (author’s slang term for clitoris. It sounds much cuter and not so damned clinical). Instead ask him to run his tongue up and down between your vaginal lips and then have him penetrate your vagina repeatedly with his tongue. You will find this incredibly arousing and better prepares your clitty for stimulation with his tongue.
  1. Clitoris Stimulation Techniques - Foreplay
Instead of licking your clitty right away, have him gently pull back the foreskin (yes the hood over your clitty is analogous to a man’s foreskin on an uncircumcised penis.) He then can suck on your clitty like he is sucking a milkshake though a straw. This will cause your clitty to swell from engorging with blood similar to a man getting an erection. It will actually lengthen and grow in circumference similar to a man’s erection. He then can move up and down like you do giving him a blow job. It is a clitty blow job and feels wonderful. After a few minutes of that he can use what I call the “machine gun tongue”. This is a super fast stroking of your clitty with his tongue that will give you powerful orgasms. The way to do that is to have him flex his tongue against his upper lip to use as a spring and forcefully flick his tongue past that upper lip onto your clitty. This enables him to move his tongue much faster simulating a vibrator. For even more stimulation, have him growl like a bear while he is doing this. The act of growling makes his vocal cords vibrate which will then transmit those vibrations through his tongue onto your clitty.
  1. Multi-sensory Inputs - Foreplay
As you know, most women are better at multi-tasking than are men. Lovemaking is one area where you would benefit by encouraging your man to multi-task. While he is licking and sucking on your clitty, he can be penetrating your vagina with his fingers in and out with one hand and rolling your nipple around in his fingers with the other hand. The additional stimuli you will find very arousing. There is a precedent for this. Phil Spectre pioneered what he called the “Wall of Sound”. This technique involved adding multiple tracks of sound for a lusher musical auditory experience. Chefs use what they call “Adding layers of Flavor”. The point is, the multi-sensory inputs mean better pleasure for you just like in cooking and music.
  1. Anal Stimulation - Foreplay
Many people view this as a taboo. That is too bad because there are incredible pleasure nerve endings in the anus. This is of course when you want to be squeaky clean maybe just after a romantic shower for two. If you want to be absolutely antiseptic (which is not necessary, I have never gotten sick from giving a partner a “rim job”) you can take an antiseptic baby wipe and wrap it around a finger and clean the inside of the anus. At any rate have your man lick the anus and then penetrate your anus with his tongue in and out. Have him spread your butt cheeks apart so that he can enter it even deeper with his tongue. Once you get past the idea and let yourself go (and him too) you will find that it is incredibly arousing. Be willing to do it to your guy as it is very pleasurable for us as well. In another article I will explain how to have anal sex  and that you can actually climax with anal sex . This article is about foreplay not actual intercourse.
  1. Stroking your vagina with his penis. - Foreplay
Before your man enters you for intercourse, have him take by now his erect penis and stroke it between your vaginal lips and on your clitty. Have him tease the entrance of your vagina with it. This will cause you to get exceedingly wet and your vagina can actually ache from the desire to be penetrated. Believe me two or three minutes of this kind of stimulation will have you literally begging him to take you and enter you. That will of course be a huge turn on and compliment for him. AFTERPLAY TECHNIQUES Now I know that the idea of afterplay to you seems unlikely. You feel that you don’t get enough foreplay and usually once a man climaxes, then it is usually all over. Tell your man that you still have climaxes left in you and you would like him to get you off some more. Tell him how horny he makes you and that you want more of him. This is usually enough to persuade him.
  1. Getting additional Orgasms - Afterplay
Most men do not understand that once he has you to this level of sexual excitement, it is a lot easier for you to achieve additional orgasms. Here is how you can easily knock off another ten orgasms. Get a Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. You have to order it on-line. It is the most intense, most powerful vibrator out there. You turn it on high and place it at your clitoris. You have your man rhythmically finger you with his thumb, (a thumb is a lot bigger and close to the size of your man’s erect penis in girth) while also sucking on your nipples at the same time. The combination of the multiple sensory inputs will easily and powerfully give you additionally orgasms. This might so turn your man on that he gets another erection for another go round. Be sure and be very complimentary to him for taking such good care of you and you love how he makes you come with multiple orgasms. Positive reinforcement does wonders to encourage your guy to do it for you on a regular basis.
  1. Once you are both satisfied, have him go into the bathroom - Afterplay
And get a large towel and have him soak it in very hot water. Then have him wring it out very well and have him give you a hot towel massage. Have him pay careful attention to cleaning up between your legs. You will feel wonderfully pampered and be sure to ooh and aah. Then have him get a dry towel and dry you off and then have him powder your whole body down with your favorite powder. Then have him climb back in bed with you for cuddling time and spooning. You should put on a pair of silky panties, (not thongs) for spooning because the feeling of his penis against your butt covered by silky panties feels very erotic to him. The silkiness of the back of your panties reminds him of the wonderful feeling of the silky interior of your wet vagina. Have him lovingly stroke your butt through those panties. You will love the feeling of his hand stroking your butt and he will love the feeling of those silky panties against his penis and against his hand. If you include all of these techniques, I guarantee you happier and more satisfied sex .

Jamaican Relationships: Sex Advice, You don't know as much about sex, as you think you do – Part 2

By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, defy, Denise N. Fyffe

Stop Faking.

Women, who does it really help? Who lies frustrated? Constantly complaining? Missing out on the best that sex has to offer? 500 more words

Jamaica Articles

Jamaican Relationships: Sex Advice, You don't know as much about sex, as you think you do - Part 1

By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, Denise N. Fyffe

You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do.

The basic necessity for most human beings is sex. 156 more words

Jamaica Articles