Tags » Marriage Jokes

Wife to husband: “I wish I were a newspaper, so I would be in your arms always.

Husband: I also wish you were so, I would have a new one everyday.

Marriage Jokes

DAUGHTER: Mum, I’m grown now.

MOTHER: Yes, I can see. So what do want to do?

DAUGHTER: I want to get married.

MOTHER: to whom do you want to be married? 27 more words


A loving husband

A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub.

He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, “Maggie — put your hat and coat on, lassie.” 29 more words


Sailors new baby

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.

Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. 52 more words


It's my husband

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!” 51 more words


Their passions overcame them

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. 114 more words


Anyone else find it weird that there are so many jokes about how marriage is horrible and getting married means your life is over, and yet if anyone says they don’t want to get married everyone yells at them and says they have to and they’ll ~find the right person~ one day?