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NGS all a dream, everyone has to go back to using Staden

CAMBRIDGE.  The wonderful world of second- and third- generation sequencers has all been a huge dream caused by a mass psychosis induced simultaneously in thousands of scientists because no-one at the Sanger Centre ever answered their e-mails, … 128 more words

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Most bioinformaticians to be replaced by BEDTools

VIRGINIA.  Most bioinformaticians will be replaced by BEDTools over the next few years, The ScienceWeb has learned.

Throughout the world, institute directors are coming to the dawning realization that simply installing and running BEDTools will save them thousands of dollars compared to the cost of employing bioinformaticians. 97 more words

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Every biologist now an expert in precision medicine

LONDON, UK.  A recent survey carried out by The ScienceWeb has revealed that every single biologist in the world has now declared themselves an expert in precision medicine, even those who have never worked in human biology before. 192 more words

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Each bioinformatician to have their own personal short-read aligner by 2016

OXFORD, UK.  The Bioinformatics Society (“BS” for short) have declared that they will reach their aim of every bioinformatician having their own personal short-read aligner by the end of 2016, … 158 more words

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REF was just a "massive practical joke" admits UK government

LONDON, UK.  The recent REF exercise, apparently an effort to assess the research excellence of UK universities, was all a “massive practical joke”, the UK government revealed today. 222 more words

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All other languages tired of Python's shit

New Zealand.  A recent survey of software languages has revealed that every single one of them is sick to the back teeth of Python telling them it’s better than everything else for… 201 more words

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Glitch in The Matrix as NCBI goes down

BETHESDA. A glitch in The Matrix occurred earlier today as NCBI’s services briefly went down, serving to remind us all that we actually live in pods, asleep, existing only to provide energy to a super-race of hyper-intelligent aliens, known collectively as “The Bioinformaticians”. 142 more words

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