Tags » Positive Parenting

How to support your child's learning, no the answer isn't supervising homework.

Do you want to spend your time standing over your child to check homework or would you rather help your child develop the values, skills and knowledge to be independent and self reliant. 1,051 more words

Educational Success

3 Guidance Tips on Positive Parenting

Anyone who’s had more than one child can attest that kids come with their own quirks.  Different temperaments, personalities, and needs.  It makes sense then, that there’s no ONE, RIGHT way to parent.  662 more words

Therapy

Beneficial Parenting Tips That Work

What is positive parenting? It is a manner of raising your children that primarily focuses on their abilities and strengths. However, this doesn’t suggest that you ignore the negatives like disruptive behavior. 184 more words

Home & Family

Minecraft 5 Point Scale - Self Regulation for Kids - free printable and customize

elf Regulation – Minecraft 5 Point Scale

I have recently created a Minecraft 5 Point Scale to help my son learn to self-regulate. It has been working awesome and it helps him be more aware of when he is getting upset. 129 more words

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SELF REGULATION – MINECRAFT 5 POINT SCALE

I have recently created a Minecraft 5 Point Scale to help my son learn to self-regulate. It has been working awesome and it helps him be more aware of when he is getting upset. It can be used for a variety of special needs kids like Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Dyspraxia, and ADHD. Please feel free to use it. If you would like to learn more about the concept behind the scale visit it’s creator Kari Dunn Brown at www.5pointscale.com  The cool thing about the 5 point scale is that it is adaptable to any area of interest especially book or movies. If you think about it, a story always has a variety of characters with different temperaments that can be used. Here is a link to a pdf file of the scale: Minecraft 5 Point Scale (PDF File)
Here is a link to the Excel file of the scale if you would like to customize it: 
Minecraft 5 Point Scale (Excel File)
minecraft-5-point-scale

Seven Steps to Encourage Honesty in our Kids and Put an End to Lying

Perhaps your budding artist suddenly disowns the crayon mural in the hallway. Maybe your daughter, who has spent the last hour making mud pies in the backyard, tells you she’s already washed her hands, despite mud caked on her hands. 1,133 more words

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adrian5 HONESTY

Perhaps your budding artist suddenly disowns the crayon mural in the hallway. Maybe your daughter, who has spent the last hour making mud pies in the backyard, tells you she’s already washed her hands, despite mud caked on her hands. Or your teen tells you he got home last night at curfew when you heard him come in a half-hour late. Whatever the lie, it’s a frustrating challenge for parents. But when we understand why kids lie, we can help our kids become more honest. Lying isn’t always done with ulterior motives. When your preschooler starts lying, it’s simply a new developmental milestone, according to research by Kang Lee, a University of Toronto professor and director of the Institute of Child Study. This shift signifies changes in the way your child organizes information. It’s a normal step, so you don’t need to worry about your little one becoming a pathological liar. The study shows that lying is common from age 4 to 17, and by age 7, kids can tell a lie so well that often their parents can’t even tell they’re being untruthful. But after age 17, lying decreases – so it’s not necessarily a problem that will follow our kids into adulthood. That said, many times kids do have a legitimate reason for stretching the truth – they want to avoid punishment, disappointing their parents or an unpleasant outcome. Would you be honest if you knew it would cause you humiliation, a lecture, a punishment or being yelled at? It’s hard for a child to tell the truth when they know those will be the outcomes. Your child doesn’t want to disappoint you, either. So they may fib about a poor choice they made or make up ridiculous stories to impress you. And naturally, when our kids blatantly lie to us, we want to punish them to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens – when we punish kids for lying, they’ll keep doing it in the hopes of avoiding any future punishment. So if we can’t punish them, how do we put a stop to the lies? Keeping in mind the reasons why kids lie, we can create an environment where they feel safe telling the truth. The following seven tips can help you make your home a more honest place. 1. Keep calm and parent on. Watch how you respond to misbehavior and mistakes in your home, whether it’s spilled juice on the carpet or unfinished chores. If your kids worry about being yelled at or punished when they mess up, they won’t want to come to you with the truth. Focus on using a calm voice – yes, it can be tough, but it’s possible. That doesn’t mean kids are off the hook for lying. But instead of getting angry and assigning blame, discuss solutions to the problem with your child. 2. Don’t set up a lie. If you can see piles of laundry on your daughter’s floor, don’t ask her if she’s cleaned up her room yet. When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we’re giving our children the opportunity to tell a lie. Instead, emphasize ways to address the situation. If you know Evan hasn’t touched his homework, ask him, “What are your plans for finishing your homework?” Instead of “Where did all this mud come from?” ask, “What can we do to clean this up and make sure it doesn’t happen next time?” This can help head off a power struggle and allows your child to save face by focusing on a plan of action instead of fabricating an excuse. It also teaches a lesson of what they can do next time – sitting down with homework right after school or taking off their shoes in the mudroom instead of the living room – to avoid problems. 3. Get the whole truth. While we may want to put our child on the spot when we catch them in a lie, accusing or blaming them will only make things worse. Getting to the root of the problem and understanding why she couldn’t be honest with you will help you encourage your child to tell the truth in the future. Open up a conversation gently, saying, “that sounds like a story to me. You must be worried about something and afraid to tell the truth. Let’s talk about that. What would help you be honest?” You can use the information you glean to help her be more truthful in the future. 4. Celebrate honesty. Even if you’re upset that there’s a sea of water on the bathroom floor because your daughter tried to give her dolls a bath in the sink, commend her for coming to you and telling the truth. Tell her, “I really appreciate you telling me what really happened. That must have been difficult for you, but I really appreciate you telling the truth and taking responsibility.” 5. Delight in do-overs. Think of mistakes as a way to learn how to make better choices. When we stay calm and avoid yelling or punishing our kids for mistakes, our kids will be more likely to admit their slip-ups in the future. Turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Ask, “If you could have a do-over, what would you do differently?” and brainstorm different ideas. If someone else was affected – maybe he broke his sister’s scooter – ask what he can do to make it right with the other party. 6. Show the love. Let your kids know you love them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. Make sure they know that while you don’t like their poor behavior, you will never love them any less because of the mistakes they might make. This helps your kids feel safe opening up to you. 7. Walk the talk. Remember that your kids are always looking to you and learning from your actions. Those little white lies we tell, whether it’s to get out of dog sitting for the neighbors or helping with the school fundraiser, aren’t harmless – they’re showing your kids that it’s okay to lie. These tips will help start your family on a path for a more honest household. But remember that it takes time to build up trust. Be patient. However, if your child continues to lie often or lies with the intention of hurting others, you may want to consider counseling or other professional help. Creating an environment where kids feel safe telling the truth not only cuts down on lying day to day, but it helps your child build character traits that will serve her throughout adulthood.

Feeling overwhelmed? Ready to say goodbye to TANTRUMS and TEARS and create an environment for JOY and PEACE? Sign up for our free video series to learn No Stress Steps to Get Kids to Listen…Without Losing Your Cool. Get instant access to videos here: http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parent-training.

Chore Chart and Reward Coupons

Promote Responsibility &  get your kids involved in helping around the house by hanging a CHORE CHART!

Also- Get a REWARD SYSTEM in place.

Make sure you give children who are young  chores that they are capable of doing on their own. 334 more words

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putting-on-chore Promote Responsibility &  get your kids involved in helping around the house by hanging a CHORE CHART! Also- Get a REWARD SYSTEM in place. Make sure you give children who are young  chores that they are capable of doing on their own. For example, they may be asked to set the table, clean their room, or make their bed. Do NOT put too much pressure on them to finish their chores because you want them to learn to be responsible. Instead try using positive reinforcement with PRAISE and a REWARD SYSTEM. Chore chart 1 Chore chart 2 You can purchase this wooden, magnetic chore chart. It has a variety of magnetic rectangles with a certain chore written and pictured on it. In addition to the chores there are magnets to help improve behaviors like “Say Please and Thank You.” The chart also includes circle smiley faces with words of encouragement like “You did it!” There are two blank ones that you can write on, too. You could also make some of your own chore magnets to add to the collection. DSCN3759[1] Chore chart 3 The actual chart is meant for one child, but it has enough space and chore magnets to work for more. You can assign fewer or more chores for your children. You can change out the chores each week. Let them choose at least one that they want to do for that week. Once they complete a chore they can add a smiley magnet for that day. It is okay to have busy days when a couple or all the chores are left undone. Again, don’t stress over it. They can always do extra chores to “make-up” missed ones. You might want to take Sundays off from chores. If Your child helps mom or dad with work you could knock off a chore for the following day to show our appreciation. Kid's Reward Printable with watermark Kid's Rewards Part 2 These are reward coupons that the children can work towards earning at the end of the week. Just download and print! Reward Coupon 1 (word document printable): KidsRewardPrintablePart1 Reward Coupon 2 (word document printable): KidsRewardsPart2 Reward coupons, allowances, special treats, or doing something fun on the weekend are different ways that we reward children and encourage them to do their weekly chores. How do you encourage your own children to complete their chores?

A Better Way to Say Sorry

A Better Way to Say Sorry

This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.

“Say sorry to your brother.” 1,244 more words

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This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior. Sorry “Say sorry to your brother.” “But he’s the one who–” “Say it!” you insist, an edge of warning in your voice. He huffs, rolls his eyes to the side and says flatly, “Sorry.” “Say it like you mean it,” you demand. “Sorrrrry,” he repeats, dragging out the word slowly with bulging eyes and dripping insincerity. You sigh in defeat and turn to #2, “Now tell him you forgive him.” “But he doesn’t even mean it!” “Just say it!” “iforgiveyou…” he mutters, looking down to the side dejectedly. “Now be nice to each other.” Harumphy silence. This scenario might sound all too familiar– if not from your experiences as a parent, then at least your own experiences as a child. It’s easy to see how it isn’t always that effective. You, the teacher/parent/authority, probably benefit from it the most because now at least you can feel like you did something about it, allowing you to close the case. Problem solved… now stop bickering. You know inside, however, that the offended still feels bitter, because the apology was not sincere. And while it may seem like the offender got off easy– not even having to show proper remorse or use a sincere tone–he is actually the one who loses out the most. He not only learns a poor lesson that he can get away with lies and empty words, but does not have the opportunity to experience true reconciliation and restoration of relationships. He will probably continue inflicting similar offenses, feel less remorse than he should, and undergo less positive character change than he could have. But what alternative do you have? What else are you supposed to do? It’s not like you can force a genuine apology and repentant heart out of him, right? Actually, you can. It’s not 100%, but it’s a lot more % than the scenario you read above. I first heard this in a teacher training program. The speaker started off with a rant about how No one teaches children how to apologize properly these days. My ears perked up, because I didn’t really know of any way to teach them other than to… just make them say it: Sorry. I knew it was not very effective, but I hadn’t considered other methods. So I held my pen at the ready, and as he listed off the “proper way to apologize,” I scribbled his words down verbatim: I’m sorry for… This is wrong because… In the future, I will… Will you forgive me? It made a lot of sense. It seemed a little tedious, but the more I thought about it, the more it became clear that each component was necessary. Even though that was all he said about it that day, it became an integral part of my classroom culture for years to come. That day, I went back to my classroom and got some stiff cardboard and wrote the prompts clearly, labeling the poster, “How to Say Sorry.” The next afternoon, I talked with the children about apologizing properly. We went over the importance of tone of voice and body language; when I used my brattiest voice and spat out, “Well FINE then, SOR-RY!” they all laughed, because the insincerity was so obvious and the scene so familiar. I demonstrated the importance of body language, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes to the side as I mumbled, “Sorry.” When I asked if it seemed like I meant it, they all gleefully cried out “NOOOO!!!” in unison. I did a few more impressions of pathetic “sorries,” and then we got down to business. I shared with them that apologies were pointless and meaningless if people didn’t feel like the offender meant it, and if the offender didn’t actually plan to change in the future. Then I went over the poster I had made, and outlined the following points: Sorry Poster 1) I’m sorry for…: Be specific. Show the person you’re apologizing to that you really understand what they are upset about. Wrong: I’m sorry for being mean. Right: I’m sorry for saying that nobody wants to be your friend. 2) This is wrong because…:This might take some more thinking, but this is one of the most important parts. Until you understand why it was wrong or how it hurt someone’s feelings, it’s unlikely you will change. This is also important to show the person you hurt that you really understand how they feel. I can’t tell you how much of a difference this makes! Sometimes, people want to feel understood more than they want an apology. Sometimes just showing understanding– even without an apology– is enough to make them feel better!  Wrong: This is wrong because I got in trouble. Right: This is wrong because it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself. 3) In the future, I will…:Use positive language, and tell me what you WILL do, not what you won’t do. Wrong: In the future, I will not say that. Right: In the future, I will keep unkind words in my head. Now let’s practice using positive language. It’s hard at first, but you’ll get better. Can anyone think of a positive way to change these incorrect statements? Wrong: In the future, I won’t cut. (Right: In the future, I will go to the back of the line.) Wrong: In the future, I won’t push. (Right: In the future, I will keep my hands to myself.) Wrong: In the future, I won’t take your eraser. (Right: In the future, I will ask you if I can borrow your eraser.) 4) Will you forgive me? This is important to try to restore your friendship. Now, there is no rule that the other person has to forgive you. Sometimes, they won’t. That’s their decision. Hopefully, you will all try to be the kind of friends who will forgive easily, but that’s not something you automatically get just because you apologized. But you should at least ask for it. As a teacher, I know that asking for forgiveness puts the offender in an uncomfortable and vulnerable place of humility. However, this seemingly obvious yet widely underused phrase is very, very powerful for both the offender and the offended. It is the key to reconciliation and often the first step in restoring friendship. I also know that the second item, “This is wrong because…” is powerful in changing the longer-term behavior of the offending child. Forcing the child to put themselves in another’s shoes will increase empathy and help them understand better how they have hurt someone else. This exercise in trying to see themselves from someone else’s perspective can be very powerful. After this talk, I had some volunteers come to the front to role-play some apologies. We paused at various points and reflected on how to improve the apology: was the body language sincere? Did the apologizer really capture how the other person felt? Sometimes, I would whisper instructions to one student to roll his eyes, look away, mumble, or phrase something a certain way. The students treated it like a game, trying to spot what was amiss in the apology. This was very effective, because when the time eventually came for real apologies, everyone knew we were all going by the same rules, and the expectation was set for a sincere, thorough apology.