Do you want to spend your time standing over your child to check homework or would you rather help your child develop the values, skills and knowledge to be independent and self reliant. 1,051 more words
Tags » Positive Parenting
elf Regulation – Minecraft 5 Point Scale
I have recently created a Minecraft 5 Point Scale to help my son learn to self-regulate. It has been working awesome and it helps him be more aware of when he is getting upset. 129 more words
Perhaps your budding artist suddenly disowns the crayon mural in the hallway. Maybe your daughter, who has spent the last hour making mud pies in the backyard, tells you she’s already washed her hands, despite mud caked on her hands. 1,133 more words
Feeling overwhelmed? Ready to say goodbye to TANTRUMS and TEARS and create an environment for JOY and PEACE? Sign up for our free video series to learn No Stress Steps to Get Kids to Listen…Without Losing Your Cool. Get instant access to videos here: http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parent-training.
Promote Responsibility & get your kids involved in helping around the house by hanging a CHORE CHART!
Also- Get a REWARD SYSTEM in place.
Make sure you give children who are young chores that they are capable of doing on their own. 334 more words
Promote Responsibility & get your kids involved in helping around the house by hanging a CHORE CHART! Also- Get a REWARD SYSTEM in place. Make sure you give children who are young chores that they are capable of doing on their own. For example, they may be asked to set the table, clean their room, or make their bed. Do NOT put too much pressure on them to finish their chores because you want them to learn to be responsible. Instead try using positive reinforcement with PRAISE and a REWARD SYSTEM. You can purchase this wooden, magnetic chore chart. It has a variety of magnetic rectangles with a certain chore written and pictured on it. In addition to the chores there are magnets to help improve behaviors like “Say Please and Thank You.” The chart also includes circle smiley faces with words of encouragement like “You did it!” There are two blank ones that you can write on, too. You could also make some of your own chore magnets to add to the collection. The actual chart is meant for one child, but it has enough space and chore magnets to work for more. You can assign fewer or more chores for your children. You can change out the chores each week. Let them choose at least one that they want to do for that week. Once they complete a chore they can add a smiley magnet for that day. It is okay to have busy days when a couple or all the chores are left undone. Again, don’t stress over it. They can always do extra chores to “make-up” missed ones. You might want to take Sundays off from chores. If Your child helps mom or dad with work you could knock off a chore for the following day to show our appreciation. These are reward coupons that the children can work towards earning at the end of the week. Just download and print! Reward Coupon 1 (word document printable): KidsRewardPrintablePart1 Reward Coupon 2 (word document printable): KidsRewardsPart2 Reward coupons, allowances, special treats, or doing something fun on the weekend are different ways that we reward children and encourage them to do their weekly chores. How do you encourage your own children to complete their chores?
This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior. “Say sorry to your brother.” “But he’s the one who–” “Say it!” you insist, an edge of warning in your voice. He huffs, rolls his eyes to the side and says flatly, “Sorry.” “Say it like you mean it,” you demand. “Sorrrrry,” he repeats, dragging out the word slowly with bulging eyes and dripping insincerity. You sigh in defeat and turn to #2, “Now tell him you forgive him.” “But he doesn’t even mean it!” “Just say it!” “iforgiveyou…” he mutters, looking down to the side dejectedly. “Now be nice to each other.” Harumphy silence. This scenario might sound all too familiar– if not from your experiences as a parent, then at least your own experiences as a child. It’s easy to see how it isn’t always that effective. You, the teacher/parent/authority, probably benefit from it the most because now at least you can feel like you did something about it, allowing you to close the case. Problem solved… now stop bickering. You know inside, however, that the offended still feels bitter, because the apology was not sincere. And while it may seem like the offender got off easy– not even having to show proper remorse or use a sincere tone–he is actually the one who loses out the most. He not only learns a poor lesson that he can get away with lies and empty words, but does not have the opportunity to experience true reconciliation and restoration of relationships. He will probably continue inflicting similar offenses, feel less remorse than he should, and undergo less positive character change than he could have. But what alternative do you have? What else are you supposed to do? It’s not like you can force a genuine apology and repentant heart out of him, right? Actually, you can. It’s not 100%, but it’s a lot more % than the scenario you read above. I first heard this in a teacher training program. The speaker started off with a rant about how No one teaches children how to apologize properly these days. My ears perked up, because I didn’t really know of any way to teach them other than to… just make them say it: Sorry. I knew it was not very effective, but I hadn’t considered other methods. So I held my pen at the ready, and as he listed off the “proper way to apologize,” I scribbled his words down verbatim: I’m sorry for… This is wrong because… In the future, I will… Will you forgive me? It made a lot of sense. It seemed a little tedious, but the more I thought about it, the more it became clear that each component was necessary. Even though that was all he said about it that day, it became an integral part of my classroom culture for years to come. That day, I went back to my classroom and got some stiff cardboard and wrote the prompts clearly, labeling the poster, “How to Say Sorry.” The next afternoon, I talked with the children about apologizing properly. We went over the importance of tone of voice and body language; when I used my brattiest voice and spat out, “Well FINE then, SOR-RY!” they all laughed, because the insincerity was so obvious and the scene so familiar. I demonstrated the importance of body language, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes to the side as I mumbled, “Sorry.” When I asked if it seemed like I meant it, they all gleefully cried out “NOOOO!!!” in unison. I did a few more impressions of pathetic “sorries,” and then we got down to business. I shared with them that apologies were pointless and meaningless if people didn’t feel like the offender meant it, and if the offender didn’t actually plan to change in the future. Then I went over the poster I had made, and outlined the following points: 1) I’m sorry for…: Be specific. Show the person you’re apologizing to that you really understand what they are upset about. Wrong: I’m sorry for being mean. Right: I’m sorry for saying that nobody wants to be your friend. 2) This is wrong because…:This might take some more thinking, but this is one of the most important parts. Until you understand why it was wrong or how it hurt someone’s feelings, it’s unlikely you will change. This is also important to show the person you hurt that you really understand how they feel. I can’t tell you how much of a difference this makes! Sometimes, people want to feel understood more than they want an apology. Sometimes just showing understanding– even without an apology– is enough to make them feel better! Wrong: This is wrong because I got in trouble. Right: This is wrong because it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself. 3) In the future, I will…:Use positive language, and tell me what you WILL do, not what you won’t do. Wrong: In the future, I will not say that. Right: In the future, I will keep unkind words in my head. Now let’s practice using positive language. It’s hard at first, but you’ll get better. Can anyone think of a positive way to change these incorrect statements? Wrong: In the future, I won’t cut. (Right: In the future, I will go to the back of the line.) Wrong: In the future, I won’t push. (Right: In the future, I will keep my hands to myself.) Wrong: In the future, I won’t take your eraser. (Right: In the future, I will ask you if I can borrow your eraser.) 4) Will you forgive me? This is important to try to restore your friendship. Now, there is no rule that the other person has to forgive you. Sometimes, they won’t. That’s their decision. Hopefully, you will all try to be the kind of friends who will forgive easily, but that’s not something you automatically get just because you apologized. But you should at least ask for it. As a teacher, I know that asking for forgiveness puts the offender in an uncomfortable and vulnerable place of humility. However, this seemingly obvious yet widely underused phrase is very, very powerful for both the offender and the offended. It is the key to reconciliation and often the first step in restoring friendship. I also know that the second item, “This is wrong because…” is powerful in changing the longer-term behavior of the offending child. Forcing the child to put themselves in another’s shoes will increase empathy and help them understand better how they have hurt someone else. This exercise in trying to see themselves from someone else’s perspective can be very powerful. After this talk, I had some volunteers come to the front to role-play some apologies. We paused at various points and reflected on how to improve the apology: was the body language sincere? Did the apologizer really capture how the other person felt? Sometimes, I would whisper instructions to one student to roll his eyes, look away, mumble, or phrase something a certain way. The students treated it like a game, trying to spot what was amiss in the apology. This was very effective, because when the time eventually came for real apologies, everyone knew we were all going by the same rules, and the expectation was set for a sincere, thorough apology.