Tags » Retro Food

It's still not dark enough

I don’t care how artfully dark the lighting guy made this scene, I can still clearly see a half dozen shrimp vomiting into Mt. Wobbles, the Shrine to the Ass-tec God of Arti-Choke and Kill-rabi which demands an annual sacrifice of two bottles of extra virgin olive oil to uphold said god’s greasiness quotient.

Vintage Food

Orange You Glad People Have Slightly Better Sense These Days?

This work of culinary art looks like it’s been taken over by one of those horrifying parasitic organisms you only see in National Geographic magazine, like there’s an evolved species of Mandarin orange that lays its fruit babies inside your skin and three days later you’re covered in tangy pustules and uncontrollably shitting citrus slices.

Vintage Food

This'll show those shit-lords...

If the offering of pre-boiled canned pudding won’t communicate your message of “Eat shit and die” to those pesky in-laws then the nonchalant way you scratch your ass and re-grasp the plates with the offending finger in the pudding will. 24 more words

Vintage Food

We don't allow subtlety at the dinner table.

This party spread is so loud that the neighbors will be pounding on the front door screaming at you to “TURN IT DOWN IN THERE!” before the first guest even arrives.

Vintage Food

They just had to go ahead and ruin bacon too

Just look at this mess. You’d think that a bacon volcano encased in a crispy pastry crust would be the greatest artery-cloggingest meal ever but the ’70’s managed to turn what could have been a majestic death wish into a sad, dried-out, slumped-over cone of wretchedness. 16 more words

Vintage Food

This must be a Southern thing

“Git the shotgun, Maw! The Frigidaire Gators done got some new neighbors! We’s eatin’ fancy tonight!”

Vintage Food

Those are cheese nightmares. Don't even try to sugarcoat it, you couldn't possibly make this snack more fattening.

I don’t have time to think up a smart ass comment. I looked at this and went into immediate cardiac arrest. I’ll be at St. Mary’s starting up a hospital food blog if anyone needs me.

Vintage Food