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The Da Vinci Code *** (Out Of 4)

Consensus: “The Da Vinci Code” is a solid mystery thriller as long as you put your brain on hold.

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 48-49: Worst. Secret. Society. Ever.

Last time on The Da Vinci Code, Bob and Sophie found a cryptex, which is kind of like a stone bicycle lock full of vinegar and papyrus. 2,812 more words

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 45-47: Wood Recognition At The Monty Python Learning Annex

Previously on The Da Vinci Code Langdon and Sophie went to Gringotts or some such shit, and a Swiss banker named Andre Vernet – who conveniently knew her grandfather – tells them that Sophie’s mysterious key is to a safe deposit box, but it’s useless without the account number. 2,424 more words

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 42-44: A Bunch of Inevitable Box Jokes

Chapter 42…

…may very well contain the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything, but probably doesn’t. Still, at least our heroes are no longer in the back of that taxi. 2,932 more words

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 39-41: Died Peacefully In Bed Of A Blunt Traumatic Head Wound

Previously on The Da Vinci Code, Sophie and Robert found themselves driving through the porno woods, Bob droned on a lot about the Knights Templar, and a multiple choice involving buttocks turned out to have ‘buttocks’ as one of the least ridiculous options. 2,412 more words

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 33-36: Let's Do The Timewarp Again

Previously on The Da Vinci Code, Robert Langdon once again demonstrated why he is a Professor of Shape Recognition and not one of Art History, the stammering Sister Sandrine of Saint Sulpice met an alliterative end at the hands of Silas the (not very) Silent Assassin, and Sophie had a flashback hinting at some monstrous thing she caught her grandfather doing circa 1994. 2,343 more words

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code 30-32: In Which They FINALLY Leave The Louvre

Previously on The Da Vinci Code, Robert Langdon mentally mansplained the history of female oppression while simultaneously ignoring the actual woman attempting to catch his attention, we were introduced to a new anagram (SO DARK THE CON OF MAN) and Silas discovered that all the shit he’s been doing in the long-suffering church of Saint Sulpice has been a spectacular waste of his – and our – time. 2,791 more words

The Da Vinci Code