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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 42]







THE HUSBAND is in his office.

The Husband: (Musing out loud.) I wish there was a fashion book called “The Stylings of the Suburban Fez.” 372 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 41]








THE HUSBAND is sitting on the couch, worrying.

The Husband: I’m on a very set schedule for my classes because I have that presentation on Thursday. 89 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 40]








BLUEBIRD is reading something on her phone.

The Husband: You know Eudora Welty?

Bluebird: (Not listening.) Uh-huh.

The Husband: You know Willy Wonka?

Bluebird: (Still not listening.) Uh-huh. 182 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 39]








THE HUSBAND just cooked himself breakfast.

The Husband: That was a mistake.

Bluebird: What was a mistake?

The Husband: I didn’t have any honey left, so I added some molasses. 349 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 38]







Please enjoy this 2012 survey of previously unpublished Husbandisms. I’ve been saving these up all year long. Happy New Year!



SPRING



THE HUSBAND needs more coffee. 566 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 37]






The Husband walks into Bluebird’s office.

The Husband: Yaaaaay! I’m learning to speak Braille!

Bluebird: That’s grea—. Waitaminute.

***


THE HUSBAND is sitting on the couch. 218 more words

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The Marriage Interpreter [No. 36]








THE HUSBAND is walking past Bluebird’s office.

The Husband: I only eat foods that rhyme with the word “Gymboree.”

Bluebird: Oh… wow.

***


The Husband is slapping his own hips. 161 more words

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